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Short filmTranscript
00:00:06Sam, see you, sweetheart.
00:00:55For fuck's sake.
00:01:26No fuckin' time.
00:01:41We missed you.
00:01:44Yeah, right.
00:01:45You know we did.
00:01:47What time is Charlene coming over?
00:01:49She says she's up to her eyes.
00:01:51She'll see it fitting in the morning.
00:01:54She hasn't seen me in six months.
00:01:56Be nice to her, Mary.
00:01:57She stood by you this past while.
00:01:59A lot of them didn't, all right?
00:02:02There's a picture of her dress on my phone.
00:02:11Who's the other bridesmaid?
00:02:13Leona.
00:02:14Lucy, that fuck wouldn't fit into the dress.
00:02:16She lost the wife.
00:02:18I'm sure she'll find it again.
00:02:20Mary.
00:02:21What?
00:02:22Mother.
00:02:23Just be nice, will ya?
00:02:32Come on.
00:02:33Hello, and welcome to a special episode of Crossfire, where four well-known personalities must avoid getting home and eliminate
00:02:40their opponents of the three rounds.
00:02:42There's a lot of Polish after moving in next door.
00:02:46The first unlucky contestant to reach ten points at the end of each round will be eliminated.
00:02:51The last contender stands is two-way plasma, you're up to two-sided zero.
00:03:25Hi, this is Charlene.
00:03:26Leave a message.
00:03:29Hey, it's me.
00:03:30What's the story?
00:03:31I thought I meant to be going out tonight.
00:03:33If I have to spend my first night of freedom in with my ma and nan, I'll actually poke my
00:03:38eyes out.
00:03:39So hurry up and get back to me.
00:03:42Bye.
00:03:53Bye.
00:04:03Bye.
00:04:24Bye.
00:04:24Bye.
00:04:25Bye.
00:04:28Bye.
00:04:29Bye.
00:04:29I was waiting here for an hour last week.
00:04:31For fuck's sake.
00:04:33Bye, let's take it easy there.
00:04:35Please.
00:04:38Maybe we should just get a few cans and head off somewhere else.
00:04:50What are you staring at, sweet cheeks?
00:04:52Sorry, what?
00:04:53Sorry, what?
00:04:54I said, what are you staring at?
00:04:56Do you want your go or something?
00:04:58Fucking slapped the leg of your tits off her.
00:05:01Hound.
00:05:03All right, and now we have a fucking whack.
00:05:05Mary, gonna have that ask you to step outside.
00:05:07I didn't do that.
00:05:08Don't even put your hands on me.
00:05:09Calm down, please.
00:05:09I didn't do that.
00:05:10What did I, tell me what I did.
00:05:12You were hassling that girl.
00:05:13How did I, she's the one staring at me out of it.
00:05:15Hiking at me out of it.
00:05:16Oh, you's our fucking fools in here.
00:05:18After making a fucking show at me.
00:05:20You know what, I'd advise it all to buff off our hair.
00:05:22Run by cunts.
00:05:24Absolute cunts.
00:05:25Don't whine.
00:05:25We're a fucking dackers.
00:05:28Just go home, Mary.
00:05:44The things you need to know about Charlene.
00:05:49When me and her were in school, when me and her were in school, all the other girls would have
00:05:53stayed away from us.
00:05:55This is because they knew we were tough.
00:05:58And if they said that and smart, they were going to get a slap.
00:06:05We didn't care, though.
00:06:07Because the only people we ever wanted to hang out with was each other.
00:06:10Gorgeous.
00:06:11Do you think the length is okay?
00:06:12Perfect for dancing.
00:06:13Once you wear those shoes.
00:06:14Are you?
00:06:15Definitely.
00:06:15I'm not sure.
00:06:16Well, there's actually a bustle at the back that you can hook up on.
00:06:18It makes it easier for dancing.
00:06:20Okay.
00:06:20I'm sorry, can I help you?
00:06:25Hey.
00:06:27Hey.
00:06:28Come here.
00:06:33Oh, careful.
00:06:35This is Sally, the dressmaker.
00:06:37This is Mary, my maid of honour.
00:06:39Hey, Mary.
00:06:39And you remember Leona, don't you?
00:06:41Yeah.
00:06:46Will you lift that up there for me?
00:06:48Yeah.
00:06:48That's perfect, Sally.
00:06:50Okay.
00:06:51Isn't she gorgeous?
00:06:58What are you wearing?
00:07:01What are you wearing?
00:07:02What do you mean?
00:07:04It looks like a little tablecloth.
00:07:09Jesus, Mary.
00:07:10What?
00:07:11The smell of booze.
00:07:14Yeah, but I thought we were meant to go out last night.
00:07:16Yeah, sorry.
00:07:17Just been a bit mad with all of this.
00:07:24Missed you.
00:07:28Here, hold that.
00:07:32I got you this.
00:07:37What's this for?
00:07:38We need to make a speech at the wedding and just with your accent.
00:07:42I'm the same accent as you.
00:07:47What are you laughing at?
00:07:49Nothing.
00:07:50Nothing is right.
00:07:50Laugh at me again and watch what happens.
00:07:53Excuse me, do you realise you're actually the maid of honour?
00:07:55It is your duty to the bride to turn up for fittings on time and to organise everyone on the
00:08:00day and show up with a nice fella that matches your dress.
00:08:02What's that, Min?
00:08:03Mary.
00:08:04I wouldn't worry about her turning up with a fella, Sally.
00:08:06Chance to be a fine thing.
00:08:08Think I'd get a fella quicker than you, Leone.
00:08:09Then how do you work that one out?
00:08:11I've been with the same chap the past five years.
00:08:13Who?
00:08:14Seamus McQuarrie.
00:08:17Who?
00:08:18He was there behind us in school.
00:08:20The little midget who used to do football in his underpants, him.
00:08:23That was fucking years ago, Mary.
00:08:24People don't forget, Leone.
00:08:25Yeah, well, at least I have a fucking boyfriend.
00:08:27I wouldn't touch him with yours.
00:08:30You're not even getting a plus one.
00:08:32Shailene is giving it to Declan's cousin.
00:08:34Jesus Christ, you think we could focus on me for a while now?
00:08:45Mary, what was it like?
00:08:50One of my nice hair for me.
00:08:53You said you didn't want visitors.
00:08:55What a road like.
00:08:57You should have told me, like.
00:09:06Where the fuck is he?
00:09:08Just text him and tell him we're going drinking.
00:09:10No.
00:09:11Please.
00:09:12No.
00:09:14Why not?
00:09:17Because the wedding is this day three weeks
00:09:18and I have fucking 101 things to be doing.
00:09:24How come I didn't get a plus one?
00:09:27Because the place are like 60 quid.
00:09:29Everyone you know is going to be there.
00:09:34What?
00:09:36Nothing.
00:09:39Sack.
00:09:41You're a sack.
00:09:43You're a sack.
00:09:44There he is now, look.
00:09:46Right, this is for you.
00:09:48Now, are you sure you're okay doing all this?
00:09:51So I can get Leone to help you if you want.
00:09:52Are you okay, girl?
00:09:55Cardinator, right?
00:09:56Yeah.
00:10:00Yeah.
00:10:01I'm okay.
00:10:14Don't do this.
00:10:15All right.
00:10:21So basically, if you punch in something wrong, you just hit avoid and start again, okay?
00:10:25It's a piece of piss really. Just ask Odell if you need anything, alright?
00:10:32I'm on the same shift as you tomorrow, so I'll see you then, yeah?
00:10:37Thanks.
00:10:46Where are you from yourself?
00:10:47Enjoy it.
00:10:53Do you have a girlfriend?
00:10:56I have a wife.
00:10:58Come on.
00:11:04I knew the first night I met Declan that he was the one for Charlene.
00:11:09He was a kind-hearted bloke and a nice man.
00:11:13Plus, he bought the two of us loads of drinks, so that was cool.
00:11:16Char was always the confident one with fellas.
00:11:19Whereas with me, I never really bothered that much
00:11:22because I think most fellas from Drodda are all dopes.
00:11:26No offence to any of us here tonight, though.
00:11:31It's shit around here now. Everything's changed.
00:11:40You still selling gear?
00:11:43Nah.
00:11:44I'm working as a postman.
00:11:48How do I set that up?
00:11:50Yeah, nice one there.
00:11:56Do you want to go on a date sometime?
00:11:58What?
00:12:00A date.
00:12:02Why?
00:12:04I don't know.
00:12:06We never did that.
00:12:09So?
00:12:11Maybe we should.
00:12:13I've heard a laugh.
00:12:14What do you want to do?
00:12:16I suppose.
00:12:22Any interest in going to a wedding, no?
00:12:35I'll sit you around, yeah?
00:12:37Yeah.
00:12:50No matter how great life is, it's always better when you have someone special to share it with.
00:12:57Here, at Cupid's Arrow, we provide a unique personal introduction service
00:13:02that is designed to help you meet someone special.
00:13:06No more single ads.
00:13:08No more Tinder dates.
00:13:10So why not visit us today?
00:13:12No more.
00:13:40Yeah?
00:13:40Are you Jess?
00:13:42Yeah.
00:13:43I'm Charlene Duffy's maid of honor.
00:13:45I'm here to pay a deposit for the wedding video.
00:13:49Any chance if you come back in an hour?
00:13:51No.
00:14:00Hey.
00:14:01Um.
00:14:03Uh, come in.
00:14:10I actually thought the job was cancelled when I never heard from her.
00:14:14Here, um, where am we again?
00:14:19Beauty Muse.
00:14:23Uh, what's the, what's the J again?
00:14:2628th of March.
00:14:29Oh, shit.
00:14:31What?
00:14:32I actually can't do it. I have a gig that night.
00:14:35What?
00:14:37I have a gig with my band.
00:14:39Well, can you not cancel that?
00:14:42No.
00:14:44Why not?
00:14:46Because I don't want to.
00:14:48It's fine. I have a number here I can give you.
00:14:51No, she wanted you.
00:14:52I'm sure Charlene will get over it.
00:14:54No. She really won't.
00:15:01What do you want me to do?
00:15:07Fine.
00:15:07I will cancel my gig for you.
00:15:13Thanks.
00:15:15Right, Zilla, huh?
00:15:18Mind your own business.
00:15:21What, er, what's her name again?
00:15:25Jess.
00:15:33Okay.
00:15:34You owe me.
00:15:36Oh, thank you.
00:15:38Seriously, thank you.
00:15:39You're welcome.
00:15:40Jess, I'm gonna head on.
00:15:42Do you want my digits?
00:15:44Er, I forgot your name a minute ago.
00:15:48No, I didn't.
00:15:49You did.
00:15:50Yeah, you did.
00:15:51You just asked me what her name was.
00:15:53Er, it's fine.
00:15:55I didn't want his number anyway.
00:15:58Bye.
00:16:05Well played.
00:16:06I had any moments.
00:16:09Did I pause her?
00:16:13So I guess I'll see you on the 28th then?
00:16:15Yep.
00:16:23You're a good egg.
00:16:28Fuckin' asshole.
00:16:29Don't worry about this.
00:16:30You're a good egg.
00:16:33Fuckin' asshole.
00:16:35Tower of 2000.
00:16:47I want to find my card.
00:16:50I'm just tuning in.
00:17:12Thanks.
00:17:19There's Mary.
00:17:21Hey.
00:17:22Hey.
00:17:22Hey, Mary.
00:17:23Hi.
00:17:25Do you want to join us?
00:17:26It's Leona's birthday.
00:17:28No.
00:17:29Alright.
00:17:30Happy birthday.
00:17:32So I just came to say that I met a fella.
00:17:35So I might need that plus one after all.
00:17:38Oh.
00:17:39What do you mean, oh?
00:17:40I'm not a fuckin' leper, Shirley.
00:17:41I know.
00:17:42It's a coursing at me.
00:17:44Sorry.
00:17:47So.
00:17:48Who is he?
00:17:49You don't know him?
00:17:51No.
00:17:51What's his name?
00:17:52John.
00:17:55John what?
00:17:57Carter.
00:17:59From Mars.
00:18:01What?
00:18:02The film.
00:18:07So can he come or not?
00:18:12Yeah.
00:18:13Course.
00:18:17You're welcome.
00:18:23See us.
00:18:25See you, Mary.
00:18:26See you, Mary.
00:18:27See you, Mary.
00:18:29John Carter.
00:18:31Seriously?
00:18:32She's fine.
00:18:41Hey.
00:18:42It's me.
00:18:43Hiya.
00:18:43So listen, I was thinking it could be good for us to meet John Carter before the wedding.
00:18:47Who?
00:18:49Your boyfriend.
00:18:51Oh, yeah.
00:18:52So why don't the two's come over for a beer or something on Saturday?
00:18:55You can see the new house as well.
00:18:59He's working.
00:19:00Oh?
00:19:00What's he do?
00:19:02Works in a bar.
00:19:04Where?
00:19:07McPhail's.
00:19:08Mary.
00:19:08The barman is there really hot.
00:19:10Which one is he?
00:19:12The tall one with short hair.
00:19:15The one with all the tats?
00:19:16No.
00:19:17No tats.
00:19:18Look, you probably don't know him.
00:19:20He keeps to himself.
00:19:22Anyway, he's working, sorry.
00:19:24Shit.
00:19:25I could still come over.
00:19:28I know.
00:19:29You're alright.
00:19:30Come here, ma'am.
00:19:31He's not weird or anything, is he?
00:19:34What?
00:19:35You know what I mean.
00:19:37No, he's not weird.
00:19:39Cool.
00:19:40Be good to meet him anyway.
00:19:42Maybe next week?
00:19:43Yeah.
00:19:44I'll say it to him.
00:19:45Thanks, babes.
00:19:55The things you need to know about Charlene.
00:19:58Charlene.
00:20:23What kind of men you want?
00:20:26Well, that's for you to go to a wedding on the 28th of March.
00:20:32That's it?
00:20:34Yeah.
00:20:35But what kind of men do you like?
00:20:37I mean, Polish, Irish, what?
00:20:40Annie.
00:20:41Look, in the agency, we have older men for older women.
00:20:45Yeah?
00:20:48But I'll find you a nice boy, okay?
00:20:51Stand up.
00:20:53Photo.
00:20:59No.
00:21:00Ready?
00:21:00Smile.
00:21:02A bit more.
00:21:05A bit more.
00:21:07Ta-da!
00:21:11I'm giving you the famous J-Lo glow.
00:21:14It's exciting, isn't it?
00:21:17No.
00:21:23Any advice?
00:21:25You're asking her for advice?
00:21:28Yes, ma'am.
00:21:29She's asking me for advice.
00:21:31I'm a woman I've been taken out by men.
00:21:33A fucking sniper wouldn't take you out.
00:21:35I don't remember getting any pearls of wisdom off you.
00:21:44I don't.
00:21:47How do I look?
00:21:48Like a whore.
00:22:02I believe you're looking to find someone to go to a wedding.
00:22:32Yeah.
00:22:37Hi, this is Charlene.
00:22:39Leave a message.
00:22:42Hey, it's me.
00:22:43So I was reading this really interesting thing in the paper earlier.
00:22:47It said that the best night ever to go out with Mary is a Tuesday night.
00:22:51So...
00:22:53Call me back.
00:22:57So do you do anything like that yourself?
00:23:01What?
00:23:02Sport or drama.
00:23:06No.
00:23:10Any interest at all?
00:23:14No.
00:23:37This is the first one of days where I've actually had a good feeling.
00:23:41You just seem to be really sound and funny and you're proper, huh?
00:23:48The fact that you need someone to bring to your friend's wedding
00:23:51and I need someone to bring to my brother's wedding.
00:23:55It could be perfect.
00:24:02Oh, fuck me.
00:24:05You're my boyfriend.
00:24:06Her name is John.
00:24:12I've got this.
00:24:13Hello.
00:24:15Hi.
00:24:16What are you doing here?
00:24:17I was passing on my way from work.
00:24:19Who do we have here?
00:24:20Charlene, this is John Carter, the chap I was telling you about.
00:24:24John, this is Charlene.
00:24:26I believe I'm coming to your wedding.
00:24:29Wow, that's cute.
00:24:31Thanks.
00:24:32Right, well, it was good to see you, Char.
00:24:39It's fucking gorgeous, Mary.
00:24:41Yep.
00:24:42Yep.
00:24:51Can I ask you something?
00:24:53This is going to seem really weird because I just met you, but...
00:24:58Would you like to be a Grimson?
00:25:01It's just Declan, me fella, he doesn't really have any good-looking friends.
00:25:05And it'd be deadly to have at least one good-looking chap in the photographs.
00:25:11Eh...
00:25:11Sure.
00:25:16You did well, huh?
00:25:18I sure did.
00:25:20By the way, the hens is on Friday.
00:25:23The team is Mamma Mia.
00:25:25What's that mean?
00:25:26You're going dressed as a character from the film.
00:25:29What, like, Meryl Streep?
00:25:31No, Leona got Meryl Streep.
00:25:33We put all the names in the hat, and you got Stellan Skarsgård.
00:25:38Okay?
00:25:39I'll see you Friday.
00:25:47Looks like you're coming to a wedding.
00:25:49Bring it on, chicken.
00:25:53You're gonna have to dial down the camp.
00:25:56Eh, I'm not camp.
00:25:58Eh, yeah, you are.
00:26:04What?
00:26:05I'm sorry, I'll go to your brother's wedding.
00:26:08Oh, fuck off.
00:26:23The things you need to know about Charlene.
00:26:28Me and Hor share the best memories together.
00:26:34Like the weekends.
00:26:36When the two of us would go clubbing.
00:26:39This is when we'd really get to let our hair down.
00:26:41The nights that felt like they went on forever and ever.
00:26:46Like me and Hor were the only two people left in the world.
00:26:54You never wanted to know the rest of the world to be.
00:26:56Am I head on?
00:26:58Okay then.
00:27:01Oh, did you text me John Carter's lumber in the morning?
00:27:04Who?
00:27:06Boyfriend.
00:27:07Oh.
00:27:08What?
00:27:09Nothing, I was just thinking about breaking up one.
00:27:13Jesus, Mary, do you not recognise a good thing when Alain's near that?
00:27:16You don't even know him. He could be a fucking dick.
00:27:19Yeah, well, he's not.
00:27:20Oh, will you check your emails? Because I sent you a speech.
00:27:23I thought I was supposed to write it.
00:27:26Well, I did it for you.
00:27:27Bye.
00:27:58Yeah.
00:27:59Awesome charm.
00:28:01The soul.
00:28:02The soul.
00:28:04The soul.
00:28:12Come here, man, what the fuck?
00:28:58I'm so fit.
00:29:02Biden video.
00:29:07How's it going?
00:29:08Good. What are you up to?
00:29:12No.
00:29:14Are you here with mates?
00:29:16Yeah.
00:29:21Sorry, I just passed you.
00:29:23I'm all in.
00:29:42Hello?
00:29:46Fuck off.
00:29:50Not a queue over here.
00:29:53Are you the one doing all the banging?
00:29:55Let's keep it away. So what?
00:29:56So like, will you hurry fucking up?
00:29:59Say that again.
00:30:02Move.
00:30:03Move.
00:30:24Remember after breaking a glass with your fucking hands?
00:30:29Did you see that?
00:30:30Fucking lawsuit.
00:30:39Oh, Jesus.
00:30:42You alright?
00:30:46Did you enjoy the show?
00:30:47What show?
00:30:52You do realise you're bleeding.
00:31:04You do realise you're bleeding.
00:31:26You didn't have to come like me.
00:31:28I know.
00:31:31Goodnight.
00:31:33Hardly.
00:31:39You.
00:31:41It was okay.
00:31:46Actually, it was kinda shit.
00:31:48I spared most of the night hiding from this psycho I went on a date with the world back.
00:31:52Hate that.
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:55Yeah.
00:31:58Yeah.
00:31:58I've been on a few dates myself lately.
00:32:00Oh yeah?
00:32:02A lot of cycles.
00:32:03Yeah.
00:32:05Big time.
00:32:14I went on Monday the other night with this fella who used to be a priest.
00:32:18Never been with one before in his life.
00:32:21Never been with one before in his life.
00:32:21I was like 34.
00:32:22And what happened?
00:32:23I left after the starter.
00:32:26You didn't really give him much chance.
00:32:29He was a priest.
00:32:30Well, you've obviously got high standards.
00:32:33That's what my ma says.
00:32:35I just think that's because she has no standards.
00:32:38When it comes to men.
00:32:40Your dad met her in?
00:32:42Nah.
00:32:42He left when I was a kid.
00:32:46My dad died last year.
00:32:49Sorry.
00:32:53My mom's just started dating again.
00:32:55She's got like three eyes on the go.
00:32:58You should give her a call.
00:32:59She might give you some tips.
00:33:02Yeah, maybe I will.
00:33:05Mary McArdle?
00:33:08Thanks for her.
00:33:09No worries.
00:33:10I can wait if you like.
00:33:11Oh no, you're a hurry.
00:33:15Stay around, yeah?
00:33:46Oh no.
00:33:47That's perfect.
00:33:48I'm gonna get the way to take this book right here.
00:33:54Come on, do a lot.
00:33:54Come on, do your hands.
00:33:55I hope no.
00:33:57It's Grant.
00:34:02Did you see their speed dating in the West Court on Friday night?
00:34:07Two of us could go together.
00:34:10Hey, Mum.
00:34:19Your man Ollie that drives the taxi for Caffrey has dropped me home.
00:34:23Asked me on the date.
00:34:28He's my age.
00:34:29I know.
00:34:31So what? I like him.
00:34:34You would.
00:34:46You want advice, Mary?
00:34:48Get off your high horse or you will end up a very lonely girl.
00:34:58And that one's for free.
00:35:17Fuck off.
00:35:26What can I get you?
00:35:27Yeah.
00:35:28Okay.
00:35:28I've got to sit there.
00:35:30You know, I mean you could feel the same as this day.
00:35:35This is probably my kids.
00:35:37Because girls are off school.
00:35:38And then we kind of clutch in school late because, you know, we, when girls are off.
00:36:02All right.
00:36:31Jess!
00:36:33Hey.
00:36:37I saw you from the bus.
00:36:39I ran from all the way back there.
00:36:42Really?
00:36:43No way.
00:36:44Yeah.
00:36:45That's a light.
00:36:46I know.
00:36:49Right, I'll let you go.
00:36:51Oh, which way are you walking?
00:36:54Erm, no, that way as well.
00:36:59Do you want to walk with me?
00:37:03Sure.
00:37:11So, how's the Dane gone?
00:37:14Shit.
00:37:15Oh, why are they?
00:37:18Because.
00:37:20Because why?
00:37:25I need to find a plus one for that wedding.
00:37:30So, you're going on all these days to strangers to find someone to bring to a wedding?
00:37:36Yeah.
00:37:37Is that because you want to meet someone?
00:37:40No.
00:37:43At least you're getting laid.
00:37:47What?
00:37:49Well, I'm not sleeping by anything.
00:37:52Oh, okay.
00:37:53That's cool.
00:37:54I mean, I don't jump into bed at the top of a hat.
00:37:58Good to know.
00:38:00Do you want to do something?
00:38:03Oh, no, it's cool if you're busy.
00:38:05No, it's just I've got bad practice.
00:38:08Oh.
00:38:09Sorry.
00:38:11I would.
00:38:12Only we've got a gig at the weekend, so.
00:38:15Well, that's cool.
00:38:16I can't have to be there.
00:38:17Okay.
00:38:19Right, Wella, I'm off at the side.
00:38:22Okay.
00:38:24It was good to see you.
00:38:25Yeah, you too.
00:38:29Hey!
00:38:32What are you doing tomorrow?
00:38:35Nothing.
00:38:36Why?
00:38:40Does it matter that I don't know any of these people?
00:38:43No.
00:38:44Neither do I.
00:38:45Yeah, but you're a wog.
00:38:47So what?
00:38:47You're my assistant.
00:38:49Anyway, just focus on the blokes.
00:38:51We're finding you a man tonight.
00:38:52Or, at the very least, getting you laid by a culty.
00:38:55Let's go out and make the road in shape.
00:38:58You've got love to be.
00:39:12Okay, can I get everybody looking in here?
00:39:15Yeah, that's great.
00:39:16So what I think I'm going to do is just step the girls out for like two seconds and get
00:39:21some photos with the guys.
00:39:23Yeah?
00:39:25Yeah, just move down a couple of steps.
00:39:27That's perfect.
00:39:28Smile.
00:39:30Awesome.
00:39:32So, uh, have all of you got girlfriends?
00:39:37Hands up if you're single.
00:39:40Yeah?
00:39:42Cool.
00:39:44Oh, I'm telling you when I go, there's something you should know, there's one thing that you
00:39:52should know, that's just for now.
00:39:59What is in the joy of God?
00:40:01It's just for now!
00:40:11It's just for now.
00:40:17Come upon.
00:40:25Oh, yeah.
00:40:42Charlene, wedding speech.
00:40:44Take one, action.
00:40:46All day I've been knocking at you.
00:40:47and thinking how long we've known each other
00:40:51and how much you mean to me.
00:40:53It seems like only yesterday we were walking to school
00:40:56and making each other laugh.
00:40:58Two things.
00:41:00We never went to school.
00:41:01Like, ever.
00:41:03We were either suspended or we mitched.
00:41:06And secondly, the young one never laughs.
00:41:09Like, I mean, ever.
00:41:11It gets better.
00:41:12You are the smartest person I know.
00:41:15You're gorgeous looking.
00:41:17The face of an actual cunt.
00:41:20You are the most generous person in the world.
00:41:23She actually wrote this about herself.
00:41:25Yeah.
00:41:26The girl is batshit crazy.
00:41:29Hello?
00:41:31It's Charlene.
00:41:32She said you accidentally had work.
00:41:33Mmm.
00:41:37No, no, no, that wasn't us.
00:41:38Ask him for my drink.
00:41:40Wait, sorry.
00:41:42Could we get us some drink?
00:41:46He hung up.
00:41:48Fuck it.
00:41:52You're a shit matchmaker.
00:41:53It's your fault for being so picky.
00:41:56Why weren't we looking for a fella for you?
00:41:59I don't want one.
00:42:03Why have you been with odds?
00:42:05What the fuck are you trying to say?
00:42:08Sorry.
00:42:10Sorry.
00:42:10I'm a name person.
00:42:14So have you?
00:42:15Oh my god, you really want to know?
00:42:19I mean, sex?
00:42:22Oh, I don't know.
00:42:24I don't have a number or anything.
00:42:26Why, do you?
00:42:27No.
00:42:29You do?
00:42:30Tell me.
00:42:32No.
00:42:38I don't think I'm very good at it.
00:42:42Sex?
00:42:43No.
00:42:45Like, meeting people.
00:42:47Dating.
00:42:49All that.
00:42:49Me neither.
00:42:53Fuck off.
00:42:55I'm serious.
00:42:57Yeah?
00:42:59I've always been a bit of a loner.
00:43:04That's cool.
00:43:05Is it?
00:43:07I don't know.
00:43:09Yeah, like, whatever makes you happy in that.
00:43:12I wouldn't say it makes me happy.
00:43:14It's just the way it is.
00:43:19Which most people think I'm off me rocker.
00:43:22Do they?
00:43:23Big time.
00:43:23Why?
00:43:27Just cause.
00:43:28Cause why?
00:43:32I don't know.
00:43:35I used to do a lot of stupid shit.
00:43:38Like what?
00:43:40Fighting.
00:43:42What, like, proper fighting?
00:43:45I hurt a girl in a nightclub a while ago.
00:43:49I got in a lot of trouble for her.
00:43:52I was in the joy for six months.
00:43:55You were in jail?
00:43:58Fuck off.
00:44:06Whoa.
00:44:17Are you freaked out that I told you that?
00:44:20No.
00:44:26What are you thinking?
00:44:30Just doesn't seem like you or something.
00:44:36You don't know me.
00:44:39You don't know me.
00:44:39No, what's happening?
00:44:53I don't know me.
00:44:54I don't know me.
00:44:55I don't know me.
00:44:56I don't know me.
00:44:56I love you.
00:45:07I don't know you.
00:46:27Oh, my God.
00:46:31Are you okay?
00:46:39I don't know why.
00:46:46I really like you.
00:46:52I don't know.
00:47:05I don't know.
00:47:21I don't know.
00:47:25I don't know.
00:47:28I don't know.
00:47:29I don't know.
00:47:37I don't know.
00:47:52I don't know.
00:48:29I don't know.
00:48:33I don't know.
00:48:48I don't know.
00:48:55I don't know.
00:48:56I don't know.
00:49:07I don't know.
00:49:12I don't know.
00:49:20I don't know.
00:49:45I don't know.
00:49:58I don't know.
00:49:59I don't know.
00:50:03I don't know.
00:50:05I don't know.
00:50:14I don't know.
00:50:17I don't know.
00:50:19I don't know.
00:50:23I don't know.
00:50:53I don't know.
00:50:55I don't know.
00:51:05I don't know.
00:51:07I don't know.
00:51:20I don't know.
00:51:32You can stop there Rita.
00:51:34Rita love, it's raise me up.
00:51:38Raise.
00:51:40Raise.
00:51:41Jesus Christ.
00:51:43She's your cousin, Charlie.
00:51:44I hear you.
00:51:48She.
00:51:55The only one doing the wedding video.
00:51:59She looks like a weirdo.
00:52:01I know.
00:52:03Total freak.
00:52:09Why does she keep staring over here?
00:52:13Maybe she's checking me out.
00:52:19Oh, my God, she's totally checking me out.
00:52:23Jesus Christ, I know I'm going right.
00:52:24Charlene.
00:52:28All right, Rita, let's try this again, and it's Raze.
00:52:33Raze?
00:52:34I need to talk to you.
00:52:36Oh, well, I need to talk to you, too.
00:52:40Right, you go first.
00:52:42Okay.
00:52:48You go first.
00:52:49Okay, this might be hard to hear, so I'm going to just say it.
00:52:53Me and Leone were in fusion on Saturday night,
00:52:55and we saw John Carter getting off with a man.
00:53:00You went clubbing with Leone?
00:53:02Yeah.
00:53:03I've been asking you to go out with me for weeks.
00:53:05Mary, I think you're missing the point here.
00:53:08Yeah, we broke up.
00:53:10And when are you going to tell me?
00:53:11Well, when do I see you, Charlene?
00:53:14Right, look, don't panic.
00:53:15I'm not going to say it to anyone.
00:53:16I'll just find you someone else to bring us a plus one.
00:53:18Maybe one of Declan's friends.
00:53:20Some of them are really weird.
00:53:22Okay?
00:53:28Mary!
00:53:32What's that about?
00:53:34I don't know, she's stoned off.
00:53:36Hi.
00:53:38Do you want to go on a date sometime?
00:53:44Um...
00:53:45Okay.
00:53:46Cool.
00:53:47Cool.
00:53:47Cool.
00:53:53What the fuck is she doing?
00:54:01Okay.
00:54:03I just wanted to do a letter.
00:54:09Um...
00:54:09I'd better go.
00:54:11I'll call you later.
00:54:14Bye.
00:54:25When did this happen?
00:54:27A couple nights ago.
00:54:29I was helping her at a wedding.
00:54:31And what?
00:54:33We were drinking.
00:54:34One thing led to another.
00:54:37So you're into girls now?
00:54:41Maybe.
00:54:44You're making a show of yourself, Mary.
00:54:48What's new, Charlene?
00:54:54Try on that dress, will you?
00:55:05So I was thinking, since you're going to be at the wedding, and I'm going to be at the
00:55:10wedding, why don't we both go together?
00:55:13Thought you wanted to bring a hot bloke?
00:55:16Not anymore.
00:55:21Okay.
00:55:22Okay.
00:55:23Cool.
00:55:34What?
00:55:38Nothing.
00:55:39Just...
00:55:40Something you seem really cool about all this.
00:55:45It's a big change from when we were on the bus a while back, and you avoided looking at
00:55:49me for the whole three-hour drive after driving.
00:55:51I didn't refuse to look and change.
00:55:54I always need to remember you looking out the window a lot.
00:55:56Okay, maybe I did a bit.
00:56:01Now you're kissing me in front of all your mates.
00:56:06Okay.
00:56:10Did they say anything about it?
00:56:11Actually, Charlene had a lot to say about it.
00:56:15Apparently, I'm making a show of myself.
00:56:20Fuck her.
00:56:21She's probably just worried about you.
00:56:24Charlene does not give a fuck about me.
00:56:27She's just worried that I'm going to ruin our precious wedding.
00:56:31Is that why you're asking me to go?
00:56:34What?
00:56:35To piss her off?
00:56:40No.
00:56:46I don't care what Charlene thinks.
00:56:50Mary, you're obsessed with what she thinks.
00:56:53Now I'm not.
00:56:55Yeah, you are.
00:57:03I don't want to be used.
00:57:06What the fuck does that mean?
00:57:10Well, don't curse at me.
00:57:19It's just someone you're using me to get even with Charlene.
00:57:23No.
00:57:29Okay.
00:57:40Want to get her some drinks?
00:57:47Okay.
00:57:50This is all my time.
00:57:55It's all my time.
00:57:59It's all my time.
00:58:01Let's go.
00:58:32.
00:58:33.
00:58:33.
00:58:34.
00:58:34Please please follow.
00:58:37Let's see 42.
00:58:39Here's the right answer, well done.
00:58:40Okay, push your leg.
00:58:42Okay.
00:58:43Okay.
00:59:00You have two points.
00:59:02Let's see your message.
00:59:04Express one.
00:59:08Hey.
00:59:11Um...
00:59:13I don't really know what happened last night.
00:59:16And...
00:59:16To be honest, I'm not sure I care anymore.
00:59:21I guess I don't really know what's going on with you.
00:59:24And you don't seem to want to tell me.
00:59:27And running away like that is...
00:59:31Fucking ridiculous.
00:59:34That's what children do.
00:59:36And I'm not a child.
00:59:41Look, I think we should just call it quits on this.
00:59:44I hope everything goes well for you, Mary.
00:59:47And that you figure it all out.
00:59:52And there's no need to call me back.
00:59:53I'd...
00:59:54I'd honestly prefer it if you didn't.
00:59:57Okay.
00:59:59Bye.
01:00:06Hey.
01:00:08Hi.
01:00:09What are you doing here?
01:00:13Come to see you.
01:00:14Come on.
01:00:24So what's the story with your girlfriend?
01:00:28What?
01:00:29She cancelled on me this morning.
01:00:33I don't know.
01:00:36And she's not my girlfriend.
01:00:38So what?
01:00:38You're not a lesbian now?
01:00:48Are you alright?
01:00:53Here.
01:00:55What's this?
01:00:57A speech.
01:00:59I wrote it.
01:01:00I did the speech for you.
01:01:02Well, it's supposed to come from me.
01:01:06Maybe like I...
01:01:07Fine.
01:01:07It doesn't matter.
01:01:09Gimme it.
01:01:19The things you need to know about Charlene.
01:01:33Her first crush was on Mr Duffy.
01:01:35Our geography teacher in fifth class.
01:01:39Her first kiss was on the bus on the way home from a Boys Zone concert.
01:01:44Her eyes are a mixture of green and brown.
01:01:47And not hazel as most people think.
01:01:50She loves brown sauce and eats it on everything.
01:01:55She can never remember how a joke ends.
01:01:58When she's sick, she always watches the film.
01:02:01Ella enchanted and eats packets and what's so much.
01:02:05When she walks into a room, people always notice her and want to be around her.
01:02:11This is because of her warmth and her good sense of humour.
01:02:16She loves Declan more than anything else in the world.
01:02:19Even brown sauce.
01:02:22And she's the best friend that anyone could ever ask for.
01:02:30It's lovely.
01:02:35Henry blessed me.
01:02:37And I wanted it to come from me.
01:02:41Thanks.
01:02:48Do you wanna go for a pint?
01:02:51Get married tomorrow.
01:02:53Yeah, but is that not tradition?
01:02:55That the maid of honour take the bride out the night before the big day?
01:02:59No.
01:03:00For one?
01:03:02No.
01:03:08Alright.
01:03:12I'll see you at the church then.
01:03:14Yeah.
01:03:20Why do you never want to see me anymore?
01:03:23What are you on about?
01:03:24Why do you never want to see me?
01:03:26Mary, how many times do you have to talk with this?
01:03:28Fine.
01:03:29Fucksy.
01:03:29Stop coarsing at me, Mary.
01:03:30Oh, then stop acting like a stuck-up bitch, Charlene.
01:03:33I don't have time for this.
01:03:34Oh, of course you don't.
01:03:35Because when do you ever have time for anybody other than herself?
01:03:38Excuse me?
01:03:39You've fucking changed.
01:03:47Oi!
01:03:52Do you have any idea the shit you put us through?
01:03:55Me, your ma, all of us.
01:03:58After what you did.
01:04:00You haven't a clue, have you?
01:04:03And then you show up on my doorstep the day before my wedding and call me a shit friend
01:04:07because I won't go drinking with you.
01:04:09I mean, are you for fucking real?
01:04:14And do you know what, Mary?
01:04:16You're right.
01:04:17I have changed.
01:04:19Everyone has except you.
01:04:21You're still a mess.
01:04:27Who the fuck wants to be around her?
01:04:57Hey, it's me.
01:04:58How are you doing?
01:04:59Six.
01:05:00We're going out.
01:05:06So, where's your boyfriend, Ed?
01:05:08Are you all selective because you've got a ponytail?
01:05:12What's your name, delicate?
01:05:14I don't know.
01:05:15Yvonne.
01:05:16Yvonne.
01:05:17Oh, that's a French-ass name, Yvonne.
01:05:19My little French poisseau.
01:05:21You are mad.
01:05:24I'm sorry.
01:05:25I'm only joking, I'm sorry, like.
01:05:32Let's do something!
01:05:34Come on!
01:05:34Right, come on, let's do it!
01:05:35No!
01:05:37Where'd he go?
01:05:40Out.
01:05:54Come on!
01:05:56You're my guest!
01:05:59The sun's back!
01:06:05Yeah.
01:06:11Yup, I cannot lead the airlines.
01:06:14What I happen to walk away from you.
01:06:18Oh!
01:06:18Hotline's back!
01:06:20Lowlight.
01:06:21Highlight.
01:06:42Don't do it!
01:06:44Don't!
01:06:45Get the fucking animal!
01:06:46Call the guy!
01:06:54Don't fuck a book, my boy.
01:06:58Do you hear me?
01:07:06Come on!
01:07:14Assault.
01:07:15Anti-social behavior.
01:07:17Assault again.
01:07:18She ends up in front of the brink of a judge.
01:07:20It's not good.
01:07:21No, it's not good.
01:07:23We can take her home now.
01:07:25Thanks, Garrett.
01:07:28Mom.
01:07:46It's my fault.
01:07:50It's what your fault?
01:07:55I don't know.
01:07:56Are you having problems again?
01:08:00How is it your fault?
01:08:09Do you have someone to go with you tomorrow?
01:08:18You go down there and hold your head off.
01:08:20You're as good as any of them girls.
01:08:35Hey, kids.
01:08:38You're right.
01:08:38It's not good.
01:08:44What is it?
01:08:45No.
01:08:46I'm in trouble.
01:08:50Like, you're just gonna get a little bite on hair with her hair.
01:08:51Oh.
01:08:58Oh
01:09:37I'm surprised you didn't have to show up.
01:09:39Yeah, I wanna...
01:09:42You're brilliant.
01:09:53Thanks.
01:10:00My luck.
01:10:07Are you ready?
01:10:09Yeah, we're ready.
01:10:12In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
01:10:16Amen.
01:10:28You may kiss the bride.
01:10:41Hiya.
01:10:43It's just over the far right.
01:10:48Hiya.
01:10:50Hiya.
01:10:58I'm so proud of you.
01:11:00Thanks.
01:11:02I think it's better if I didn't read out that speech ago.
01:11:06I think it's lovely, and it's really funny.
01:11:09I just...
01:11:11Mary, honey, it's just not appropriate.
01:11:17I'm not trying to say.
01:11:19It's okay.
01:11:19My honor's got it covered.
01:11:20You can just sit back and sit back and sit back and sit back.
01:11:21Enjoy your night.
01:11:22You've done loads already.
01:11:26Okay.
01:11:34All day I've been looking at you.
01:11:36At me friend.
01:11:37And thinking about how long we've known each other.
01:11:39And how much you mean to me.
01:11:41It feels like only yesterday we were walking to school.
01:11:43And making each other laugh.
01:11:45And now look where we are.
01:11:47You're the smartest person I know.
01:11:49You're going.
01:11:49You're just looking.
01:11:50And you're the most generous person in the whole world.
01:11:54Yeah.
01:11:55Really anxious.
01:11:59Okay, folks.
01:12:00So we're going to pass it over to the father of the bride now.
01:12:02So a round of applause for him.
01:12:21Hey, this is Jess.
01:12:23Big message.
01:12:25Hi, Jess.
01:12:27It's Mary.
01:12:29I know you don't want me to call, but I'm locked, though.
01:12:39I'm not locked.
01:12:42I haven't had a drink all day, so I don't know why I said that.
01:12:54I just wanted to say sorry for everything that happened.
01:13:07I don't know what's wrong with me.
01:13:11I keep hurting people and I don't know why.
01:13:22I think you were right about me and Charlene.
01:13:28You were probably right about a lot of things.
01:13:36I miss you.
01:13:40You were like, life is a waste of money, right?
01:13:45I mean, you're gonna love and I click on that.
01:13:52I can't believe my ruler.
01:13:54Yeah, she's not.
01:13:56Yeah, she's not.
01:13:58I'm like, hey...
01:13:58No, it's not.
01:14:02We need you.
01:14:02We need you.
01:14:02We need you.
01:14:05Bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble
01:14:09Woo!
01:14:11Oh boy, I'm turning it up.
01:14:36Woo!
01:14:37With the music you know we can do, we can ride.
01:14:41I love you so excited!
01:14:44With the music you know we can do, we can ride.
01:14:51Woo!
01:14:52With the music you know we can do, we can ride.
01:14:58Woo!
01:15:00Woo!
01:15:29I want to love you
01:15:32Me and her were the best, the most beautiful, me and her, me and her, me and her.
01:15:53Hey. Are you going? Yeah. Right, Will. Thanks for everything. You're welcome. I'm fucking married, Mary. I know.
01:16:17When I got home from your honeymoon, me and you were going out of town. Just the two of us.
01:16:39I'll see you, Shay. See you, babe.
01:16:59Where would you be going? Where are we going now?
01:17:02It's now. Yes, it's good. Yes, it is.
01:17:05Would you be getting up and dancing and all?
01:17:07What? Yeah? And what else do you be up to now?
01:17:12At the weekend, here's the very time.
01:17:14I'm sure. I'm sure.
01:17:15No, you're a surfer. No way. That's much.
01:17:19I'm not.
01:17:19I'm not.
01:17:20I'm not.
01:17:24I'm not.
01:17:25I'm not.
01:17:27I'm not.
01:17:30I'm not.
01:17:32I'm not.
01:17:33No way.
01:17:34Yeah.
01:17:52If you're not.
01:17:53Hey.
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