00:12so i love you babe but i know you're inside out um i can kill i used to run
00:22that's usually what i think to say first which is weird really because that's not
00:27even new airing or is it but it was like properly as well like i was good i had a
00:37place in london
00:37doing sports science and athletics and it felt like you know like i stepped out of something
00:47because before that i was
00:50i was just that kid to his mom died
00:57she was ill for ages that's the thing that people don't understand it wasn't like one
01:04day she was there and then she wasn't it was slow and confusing and doctors not really knowing
01:13watching someone disappear like that in front of you you start to grieve them before you go on
01:23so uh yeah after that it was just me and my dad proper unit still are i suppose
01:35he does this thing where he acts like he's fine
01:41like he's unbreakable cracks jokes keeps everything you know moving but he's not fine
01:48really no he's broken we both are
01:53and then beth came on to maddox and i love that kid you know it it feels like like a
02:00proper family again
02:02not the same obviously never the same but but something
02:11so yeah uni was my freedom just a chance for me to not be that version of myself
02:20to just be the lad that runs fast and studies and goes out and chats to girls
02:27and then i came home for easter
02:32now i'm here in a chair
02:37people keep saying things to me like
02:42oh you're so brave you'll adapt medical advances are amazing now and i know they all mean well
02:52but they don't know what they're talking about because no one prepares you for
02:57those quiet moments you know that that's the worst bit not the accident not within the hospital
03:05it's the times when you're alone and you're just going to move your leg
03:13and nothing happens
03:16is this it is this me now
03:23i don't want it to be
03:26i don't want to be that lad in a wheelchair you know the same way that i was that kid
03:33whose mom died
03:35i can't do that again
03:41and then frankie everything feels louder clearer but then vicky kissed me i didn't even react all i
03:51could think about was frankie but i told frankie i love her in case vicky mentioned it
04:00and she told me she felt the same way
04:08i don't i don't really know how i feel about
04:13anything right now about my body about my future about who i'm supposed to be
04:24but what i do know is that i don't want to disappear into something again so
04:31if loving frankie is something to hold on to then yeah maybe that is real
04:37or maybe i'm just
04:40putting all my energy into something because i don't know what to do with what's going on with me
04:47yeah
04:48that's probably more like
05:02um
05:04i stood in a courtroom and testified against my own brother
05:10i sat in front of my dad told him that my twin had been abusing me for years
05:19so sitting here talking in front of a camera telling secrets
05:23it's it's not exactly new to me but the thing is i don't really have any secrets left to tell
05:32i used to be one big tangled knot of them just sitting there buried deep down
05:41and then one day it just all came out
05:45every last bit of it my dad knew and well then everybody knew
05:54so i guess it makes all of this a little bit pointless really
06:00but that's not what this is about is it because let's be honest nobody is ever going to watch this
06:09right so i'll tell you something yeah i'll tell you a secret
06:14imran pulled me aside
06:17he told me something that he's not even telling you
06:21he said he doesn't love you anymore not really it was just right person right time
06:30that it makes sense on paper and that it's what he thought he was supposed to do next but it's
06:36not
06:37real not like that and you know what the best part of this is is that no one will ever
06:43know will they
06:44because nobody is ever going to watch this and if i'm wrong well then nothing's gonna happen
06:56but if i'm right
06:59well then i guess it depends on if anybody's been watching
07:12i've been talking a lot about feeling weak
07:19like i had to build myself up
07:23be stronger
07:26take control
07:30that's why i started taking steroids i mean
07:33that's what i've been telling people but that's not really it
07:41the truth is
07:44i've felt like half a person for years
07:47ever since my brother died i'm a twin
07:52my mother
07:57he died right in front of me
08:05one stupid pill in a night out and that was it gone
08:09just like that you don't
08:13you don't come back from that you just
08:18you just carry it
08:22you get up and you crack on with a smile and pretend everything's all right
08:32i've been doing that for a long time
08:37i've stood in rooms
08:40but i wasn't listening to i've been
08:43told who i am before i've even opened my mouth
08:46i've done time
08:49for something i haven't done
08:53sat in a cell knowing i shouldn't be there but knowing exactly what i was
08:58you learn something from that you learn how quickly people decide what you are you learn how easy it is
09:05for the truth not to matter
09:08so nah
09:12i ain't stupid
09:14i'm definitely not weak
09:17for the last two years
09:20i've thought about what happened to my brother every single night
09:23about who's responsible
09:26about what i do to him
09:30i know you're probably thinking that this is just anger this is just me losing control now
09:35this is me
09:37being laser focus
09:39because this is the one thing i've ever been completely clear about
09:44i know what i need to do
09:47i just need to
09:51plan it
09:53carefully
09:55every detail every outcome
09:58every way that this could go wrong
10:00because i ain't getting caught and i ain't leaving it to chance and i'm definitely not walking away
10:07i put what deserves better than not
10:12i've been planning the perfect murder
10:19i'm gonna kill warren fox
10:22all
10:23in
10:24there
10:24and i've been doing this
10:28and i've been doing this
10:29and
10:29i've been doing that
10:30in
10:30in
10:30i've been doing this
10:30in
