00:24so my initial ideas about this documentary
00:29so I brought up how maybe people should like wiretap my house and put like security cameras
00:43or like just cameras in every room but then again because of that it sort of brings up
00:49the question of like because I know it's happening then it's sort of all you know
00:52it's sort of just a performance you know I'm not saying that I haven't been got like
00:57gotten drunk before but I'm curious because I don't know what questions that you have
01:02in store for me so you know I'm I am curious about what's going to happen and then another
01:07one I had a while about a while ago was so I would or the documentary would be about me
01:20but not show me in the slightest you know it just be the portrait of me through the eyes
01:28of other people and I think that could be a step closer into figuring out who someone is
01:37because in reality someone is built like the identity of someone is shaped by the people
01:43around them everyone in my generation they are so shy people are so shy nowadays there's
01:51literally no need to once once the interaction is over they're gonna forget you like five minutes
01:57later you at the end of the day if you're talking to someone that you've never met before you just
02:03go up to someone say hi how are you you have no impact on their lives whatsoever if you're just
02:10coming up and say hello so I don't understand why people are so shy about meeting people because
02:16it either goes well or doesn't go well and then you move on that's how life works so I think
02:20that
02:21could have been a good like a good eye or good insight into who Luke Angus is as a person
02:29without
02:30necessarily showing you know the subject but then I came across through just lived experiences
02:45people are always the most open when they're drunk I don't feel like throwing up I just feel like spitting
02:54change I think in the past I was a very bitter person I wasn't very nice I can like imagine
03:06I don't even know if I've fully changed you know I think sometimes I think I've changed then I do
03:12something and I'm like oh that wasn't very nice or I could have done something a bit different
03:17I mean I've changed a lot I've gone through lots of different things I've um grew up in Australia
03:24moved during the um sort of the end of my teenage years almost I was 16 when I moved
03:36I've fluctuated in weight a lot used to weigh 140 kilograms went all the way down to 65 kilograms
03:44over a year then I don't even know where I am now so I've changed a lot then um and
03:54I've gone through lots of different friendships that's changed quite a bit um
04:03yeah I think one of the main I don't think I've changed much as a person really I like to
04:09say that
04:09I've changed but I don't really know my like I guess my political afflictions have sort of changed
04:17um I feel like I'm much more progressive and open now than I was when I was like 16.
04:22Star booty is 100% completely gay biologically men like sex but yeah I don't really I sort of
04:30I don't know I think because of the move to the UK I feel like I haven't really grown up
04:37in a way I feel
04:37like I am like staying back and seeing all the people in Australia go to university whilst I'm
04:43still in like compulsory education at college um I feel like I'm still 16 even though I'm almost 20 now
04:52you know I can attest that I've said my fair share of private things when I've been drunk um that
04:59I
04:59wouldn't have said under any other circumstances um and I think that level of you know inebriation
05:07really um it breaks that barrier that everyone puts um like in their mind you know that performative
05:15layer of like oh I need to you know I need to be attractive to the people around me you
05:20know I
05:20need to be a certain way for people to like me and whilst being drunk that that's just not there
05:40I'm just a little man and I'm a little man
05:51I want movies and I want movies and I like eggs and I like bagels and I like
06:07eggs I'm not gonna say it with an A because that's not that's censored if there's like any like true
06:15art form I think it's film I really do I love it so much film can be so much more
06:21personal
06:24than painting and not only that I think film is much more accessible than any of that like
06:30classical painting you need to you know to do classical painting you need to either train for
06:36years or be lucky enough to be a prodigy but film you know it's so accessible now you can just
06:42have
06:42your phone and then you can express yourself freely I think there's something so beautiful about that
06:47...
07:02yeah
07:08Sweet sweet notes sweet notes
07:12Healthy notes. Healthy sweet notes of like orange. And I think I'm getting some notes
07:26sort of like fizz. Some fizzy notes.
08:19And I think I'm getting some notes.
08:31I present myself as so stoic. I really do. I only let my guard down in private. I really
08:42do. I can remember the last time I cried. It was on like the 21st of May or something.
08:51Something like that. And I cried because I really thought I messed up with what I said
08:57to my partner before I really knew them really. I didn't know them too much. We met online.
09:08And I know what people do online with women. They send dick pics or whatever and try and
09:18get instant gratification. But I'm just trying to find that special someone. And I really
09:25thought I messed up then. I really thought I messed up. So I was crying in my room. I was
09:32crying in my room on like the 20th something of May. Because I said, oh, my birthday is
09:37like coming up. My birthday party is coming up. And you should come along. And I'd never
09:43met them before at that point. And I said that and then they didn't respond for a while. And
09:50then I was getting bombarded with messages by their friend. And I care so deeply about my
10:03special other. I thought that I really messed up. And my sister came in because she was down
10:13in Australia at that point and she comforted me. And I think that was the last time I cried
10:21in front of someone else. Because, yeah, I care so deeply about my relationship. Because
10:31I've never had that other person before. I haven't had that other person before. I've
10:37really tried when I was in Australia. I was depressed. I was depressed. I had no purpose. I was sitting
10:47in my room playing video games all day. I built up such a layer over myself. I was argumentative.
10:58because I wasn't happy with who I was. I really wasn't. But when I met this person, sometime
11:09in March, I think the 17th of March, I was so happy for the first time in my life. I
11:22was
11:22genuinely happy. And I haven't felt that since I was so young and I'd had no clue
11:28about who I wanted to be, you know. I was so happy. And I'm still so happy. And I really
11:38thought I messed it up then. I thought I messed it up. That's why I still am. I'm so afraid
11:49of messing it up. I'm so afraid of messing it up. Because right now, at the moment, I think
11:57I have it so good. I think I have it so good. And I think I have it so good.
12:09But I look at
12:11other people and think and see what they're doing and I think they're so good. I'm just
12:17here, wallowing in my room. Or just doing nothing. Sometimes when I get home from college, I just,
12:28I'm in my room and I just look at my computer monitor. That's all I do. I don't do anything
12:33else. I get home and I look at my computer monitor and then I go to sleep and that's it.
12:42And this
12:45person, my special other, who came into my life at that very crucial point in my life, who I thought
12:54that I was like, you know, I thought like, I'm never going to find that person. I'm never going to
13:01find
13:01that person. And I did. And I care about them so much. And, yeah. I think it's so good. I'm
13:17okay. Why are you hugging me?
13:23I saw the film. It's okay. It's okay. You've got to know. It shouldn't be about your suffering. It's okay.
13:33I'm not suffering. I'm not suffering.
13:35Thinking back to the other projects, because I would have known about it, I would have had that level of
13:42performativity, because there would be a camera there, even if I didn't intend to do that. But doing it like
13:49this
13:49really breaks down that layer to show who I really am as a person. Even though, you know, I know
13:58that it's going on,
13:59you know, just because of the intoxication. So that's really the idea of this documentary, to really learn about who
14:07I am
14:10and hopefully say things that I wouldn't say when I know that there's a camera there. And yeah. And the
14:21only way I can
14:23express myself is through film. And that's okay. I don't need to be good at painting. You know, I don't
14:32need to be good at that stuff. I feel like I'm good at film. I'm good at visualising my thoughts
14:37through film.
14:38That's fine. That's all I need, because I think everyone needs that one thing. And this is my one thing.
14:46.
14:49.
14:49.
14:49.
14:49.
14:49.
14:49.
14:49.
14:57.
14:57.
15:05Fucking Al Pacino on time, fucking Al Pacino, fucking Al Pacino, fucking Al Pacino
Comments