00:00it's always the first week that's uh of july i purposely don't know exactly what day it was
00:07because the whole process um was just like a you know one long week of a nightmare but um
00:15i saw your message and i was like oh yeah that's this week so oh i'm sorry you know it's
00:21it's year
00:22six it's um it's a little easier but with time you know as they say to time heals um
00:31everything or whatever the saying is i don't know if that's true but it definitely helps
00:37it does it or does it feel like you're just able to live with this in a different way you
00:45know what
00:46mean like yeah you you just learn to um to cope with it and deal with it and accept it
00:54and still
00:56you know you still kind of shake your head that you every so often but it's uh less than it
01:03used to be
01:04um and then you know josie keeps keeps you busy and he's you know he's 10 but i say he's
01:10a teenager
01:11because he's just growing up so fast yeah and um yeah it's uh it's it's pretty surreal every july
01:22um i guess this is six years yeah or it's five six six six yeah six feel like i mean
01:30time is so
01:31i'm sure so weird in this type of situation does it feel like just yesterday does it feel like an
01:36eternity does it feel like both yeah it doesn't feel that long ago um the only way it feels longer
01:45is just the pictures that pop up on your phone and you know the memories on your iphone that says
01:51so
01:51you know 2021 you see i see how little he was uh and how big he is now so that's
01:59the only thing that
02:00makes it that makes it uh you realize that it really has been some time that has gone by
02:06you know over half of his life has been with and um half without
02:13so it's uh but he's you know he's probably he's been through he's super happy funny charming um
02:22busy smart kid so i'm so so happy to hear that does he remind you of her oh yeah he
02:31does certain things
02:34um little laughs and voices that um i don't even know that he knows that she used to do it
02:42well i tell him
02:43but um that remind me of uh silly things that she used to do and say but yeah he's uh
02:52and he talks a
02:54lot so he reminds me of that i love that and 10 is that's a that's a an interesting age
03:02you know like
03:03you said they're they're on the cusp of teenagehood they're they're independent um you know i
03:10wonder how you guys kind of keep his mom's memory alive if you talk about her um what that kind
03:18of
03:18looks like in your house um we have this this mommy garden that we uh have out in the yard
03:26and um
03:28there's roses and flowers and um all these things that come back every year and uh
03:35uh he waters it when it needs to be watered and um kind of takes care of that kind of
03:41looks like a
03:41wishing well wow so we we put that up for her for her and um yeah what was your question
03:50no that you
03:51answered it it was how do you keep her memory alive that is such a beautiful way um to honor
03:57her and think
03:58about her um that's that's amazing um and heartbreaking at the same time oh who who is
04:06joining us right now please i need to know oh this is cool who is this
04:13hi angel oh he named her clifford but he wanted a boy dog and um i said well that's all
04:23they got
04:24and because that's i i don't i don't really care for boy dogs as much as girls and so he
04:29named her
04:29clifford and her real name is clifford marie like his mom says cliffy baby marie she's a good beautiful
04:36how old is she she actually i think she's turning four any day or last week i gotta look at
04:43my
04:44my calendar i forget how she uh what day it is oh she's so sweet and you know how did
04:51you get her when
04:52you guys kind of permanently set up shop in west virginia um yeah i mean you have to scroll down
05:00up uh shoot maybe year one or two i can't remember somewhere in the first two years i guess it
05:08might
05:08have been right at the beginning within the first year if she's four because yeah that's the crazy
05:13thing of uh that's her ringing the bell she's she's trying to ring the bell when she wants to go
05:19outside
05:19but i think uh that's how i know you know first grade now we're going in the fifth grade and
05:25i'm
05:25just like oh my god i can't believe he's a fifth grader that's crazy that's crazy and i i wanted
05:34it's so fast and i know you've spoken before about single parenthood um and how that's difficult no matter
05:43what but you are navigating single parenthood while also navigating grief for your young child grief for
05:51yourself um how how have you navigated all that i don't know i guess you just one day at a
05:59time for a
06:01generic answer uh
06:06um yeah like now you put it to words you just do it you know you just you have no
06:13choice one day at
06:14a time and then you know there's just so much to do and um like just going to school and
06:21picking
06:22them up and dropping them off because it's cool the school it goes to there's no traffic here but it's
06:27it's you know almost 30 minutes each way and if i do it if someone's not here to pick them
06:34up like
06:34my mom or something uh that's two hours in the car every day which is in la it's not a
06:40big deal but
06:41you're in new york right i'm actually in florida but i lived in la for 10 years so i know
06:44what you're
06:45talking about but anyways uh the days just fly by monday to friday when it's when school's in and
06:54um you know up early and trying to get to bed before it's too late person he's been taking
07:00piano lessons uh for a little over a year now and he's getting pretty good he complains but i told
07:07him it's the one thing i connected with his mom i was like your mom's always like you don't play
07:13for
07:13me when i'm an old man i said your mom said you know she's always listening and and one thing
07:18she
07:18regretted is um she took piano lessons too but um she complained and so they they let her quit and
07:25when she got older she she wished of course that she had stuck with it because as any adult that
07:31doesn't know how to play music for the most part it's like man i wish i had a little bit
07:35of music uh
07:36musical ability uh myself included and i said you don't understand now that one day you're an adult or
07:44maybe even a teenager you're gonna you're gonna make me because i said you're never you're never
07:49gonna quit as long as you're living with me so you'll you're gonna take your lesson every week
07:55and you're gonna play you know 30 minutes every day and that's that's the end of it so yesterday
08:03i heard him play in for like 30 minutes and uh because it used to be 15 but i'm like
08:07you know you
08:08gotta have you get up to 30 at least and it's just so awesome to hear him progress like he
08:16doesn't
08:16know what's older he's kind of like you know thanks dad thanks for having to quit 100 and you are
08:23i just
08:24commend you it sounds like you're raising such a well-rounded well-adjusted awesome kid um on your own
08:32and that's no small feat at all does he ever bring up that day with you he doesn't really bring
08:41it up
08:42yeah except for i mean he has a good um he has a very interesting sense of humor about things
08:53and
08:55like we'll be in a pool and he'll say something that has correlates to to that event and
09:05it's just a comment and it goes back to swimming you know about like jump you know jumping on jumping
09:10on and it's like yeah that's what mom said and then you know this is what happened and then jumps
09:16in
09:16you know so it's um it's sad but it's like it's not uh i'm so grateful he's he's got that
09:26spirit he's
09:27he's pretty uh resilient and happy and um it's just sort of lights up every room he walks into
09:38wow that's that's mind-blowing especially because i think as adults we kind of use humor to cope
09:45um and it helps and it's just to see that a child that could serve a child too it's he's
09:53obviously
09:54very emotionally mature to be able to kind of make that connection um that's that's really impressive
10:00and also the fact that he's like in pools swimming i mean that alone is impressive he sounds amazing and
10:09you seem like you're doing pretty well all things considered so i'm i'm really glad that we got to chat
10:15i'm sorry it was on this week and that my message reminded you it was well no i mean i
10:20think
10:20i had already had the thought because i realized oh it's july 1st and um
10:26i still eventually it'll click but like i've purposely not known what the day one was because
10:34like i said it was a five-day disaster it was just a nightmare but i just know it's somewhere
10:41in
10:41this first week kind of i feel like it was after the forest or but yeah it is what it
10:47is and
10:49it sucks but yeah we were doing the best we can and you know the train what they say
10:56don't stop nothing nothing stops like and i'm always i'm always still judging yeah the reaper's coming for
11:03all of us brother and that's kind of i think where he gets his um somewhat morbid sense of humor
11:10from
11:10is you know you get older you realize yeah we're not uh we're not going to live forever unfortunately
11:19who knows what's going to happen but i tell him i was like i think i'm gonna live to about
11:23120.
11:23i said you you guys might live to like 200. he's like yeah you got a long time dad i'm
11:28like yeah
11:29yeah yeah he's like i might never he's like i'm not i'm not i might never die i'm like yeah
11:33you might
11:33not with the stuff they're coming up with you a cyborg
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