- 8 hours ago
Mi Casa Es Mi Casa
MTV decides to shoot a documentary of Flex's home, but Tonya decides to decorate his home before they come. After the finishing touches, Flex's manly bachelor pad turns into a woman's dream house. He decides to change his apartment back to the way it was and change the date of the documentary. When Tonya finds out, she gets deeply hurt and decides that their relationship is over.
MTV decides to shoot a documentary of Flex's home, but Tonya decides to decorate his home before they come. After the finishing touches, Flex's manly bachelor pad turns into a woman's dream house. He decides to change his apartment back to the way it was and change the date of the documentary. When Tonya finds out, she gets deeply hurt and decides that their relationship is over.
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TVTranscript
00:02Come in, come in, sweetie.
00:20Good evening, my Nubian princess.
00:23Shea Flex is now open.
00:27Well, I thought we were going out for dinner.
00:29Why?
00:30Before the appetizers arrive, we'll be so worked up,
00:33we'll come back here and use each other as flesh-colored china.
00:38Well, I got two cups and a saucer for you, baby.
00:45Dad, what's up with all these rose petals?
00:49Y'all filming African-American beauty up in here?
00:52Uh, Brianna, I thought you were spending the night at Spirit's house.
00:56Did you come back to pick something up and then leave?
00:58No, the cable in my house went out right in the middle of my favorite show.
01:02When house pets attack.
01:05It is a trip. How many birds he owe? Ladies, just say it.
01:10Ooh, Kung Pa, you thought he was only going to order her a pizza.
01:16Flex, this keeps happening. We need to talk.
01:19Tanya, you know I got a kid.
01:21Yes, I understand. You come with accessories.
01:25And I'm willing to deal with them as long as this is leading up to something.
01:30But we've only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks.
01:3214 weeks in six days.
01:35Oh, oh, so I see it's our 15-week anniversary.
01:38What's that, bubble wrap?
01:40Look, I need to know if we're taking our relationship to the next level.
01:45Oh, I see.
01:47Uh, see, I was going to save this till the next anniversary, but I'll give it to you now.
01:52Okay?
01:53Okay.
01:56Uh, okay.
01:57Okay.
01:59I'm giving you...
02:00Oh, my God.
02:01Your very own drawer in my omar.
02:08You're giving me a drawer?
02:10On the top shelf.
02:13Oh, that's so sweet!
02:15Oh, my God.
02:18Oh, my God.
02:18Oh, my God.
02:20Sometimes in this life, you can feel all by yourself.
02:24Check, one, two.
02:25But I have a partner, but I can't try no one else.
02:29So don't isolate yourself, when there's nobody around.
02:34Oh, yeah.
02:34I'll be better thinking then.
02:37What a true love we are.
02:39Maybe you kiss the one.
02:41Maybe one, one, one, one, one, one.
02:43Yeah.
02:44Can't nobody break this bond.
02:46Yeah.
02:46One, one, one.
02:48Yeah.
02:48One, one, one was just love.
02:49Now we're having fun.
02:51One, one, one.
02:53Yeah.
02:53One, one.
02:58One, one.
02:59Okay, I brought some things for my drawer.
03:02I got some deodorant, some toothpaste, and, uh, this.
03:10That night he's going to spend more time on the floor than in the drawer.
03:16Fun job.
03:16Fun job.
03:17Ah.
03:18Oh.
03:18Deja vu.
03:19Here we go again.
03:21Arnaz, it is just a movie.
03:23If you're going to cry over something, cry over something meaningful.
03:26Like poverty, a world's hunger, the fact that the Wayans brothers keep making movies.
03:30But watching Josie and the Pussycats made me realize how my musical career is going nowhere.
03:36Uh, it, it took that movie to make you realize that, Cisco?
03:41Son, I've heard you guys.
03:44You got raw talent.
03:45You think so?
03:46Mm-hmm.
03:47So I do.
03:48But you need a manager.
03:50Mm.
03:50Yeah.
03:50A Sherpa to guide you down the treacherous trail to stardom.
03:53Mm-hmm.
03:53A riverboat captain to help you navigate the, uh, rapids of the music industry.
03:57Ah.
03:57I will be your Sherpa.
03:59And captain.
04:00At a cost not to exceed 10% of your income.
04:06Hello, Chico's Barbecue and Massage Parlor.
04:08After you grub, you get a little rub.
04:11Okay, this is right.
04:12All right, Dwayne.
04:1310%, count me in.
04:14All right.
04:15All right.
04:16I said 25%, but we're gonna work on your listening skills as well.
04:19You know what?
04:20I need to go, too.
04:21I gotta buy some mustache bleach.
04:22Ooh, girl, I was gonna say something, but you know.
04:27It's for my mama.
04:29And you might want to take a look at that chin, Billy Goat Scruff.
04:33Oh, okay.
04:34Cool, cool.
04:35Yeah, yeah.
04:35I'll see you in a few days.
04:38I'll check this out.
04:39MTV is doing a local celebrity version of MTV Cribs,
04:43and they want me in it.
04:44They want me in it.
04:46Oh!
04:46Oh, my God!
04:47I knew I hooked up with the winner!
04:49Oh!
04:50I'm gonna be on MTV.
04:52It's about time Beyonce got some competition.
04:56You know what?
04:56This could help me go national.
04:59ESPN, here I come.
05:01Hi!
05:01Hi!
05:02Wait, wait, wait.
05:02Wait, wait, wait.
05:03You're going national with your place looking like this?
05:08What's wrong with my crib?
05:11Baby, the show is called MTV Cribs, not Little House on the Scary.
05:16I mean, this is cool for a little home video, you know, but you need a little flair to accentuate
05:22the glamour.
05:25Well, she's right, Dad.
05:26The Cribs on MTV are the bomb.
05:28I mean, like, in Master P House, he got elevators.
05:30Can we at least get an escalator in this joint?
05:34Well, you know, I could help you decorate if you want.
05:39Um, all I need is a key, and then I could help this place looking hip and fabulous while you're
05:42at work.
05:43What you need a key for, Bri?
05:44I don't gonna let you in.
05:47Flex, I need access.
05:48I mean, I need to match swatches, I need to measure, not to mention the bric-a-brac.
05:52You know, this is a big job.
06:06All right, I'll give you a key.
06:10Love you.
06:11All right, all right, all right.
06:15Are you kids ready to make musical history?
06:18Oh, yeah, man.
06:23Are you talking to me?
06:25Look, I'm not your man.
06:26I'm not your dude.
06:27I'm not your homie.
06:30I'm your manager.
06:31All right?
06:32So, fellas, take out your credit cards, because right here, time to start paying your dudes.
06:38All right?
06:39Hit it.
06:46Homeless people sleep in the street.
06:49No way to land and nothing to eat.
06:51Homeless people, no cash, no funds.
06:53King of your own goods, except their luck.
06:56Oh!
06:57The pollution.
06:59The pollution.
07:00The pollution is dead.
07:01The solution.
07:02Cut, cut, cut!
07:04Make it stop!
07:05Make it stop!
07:09What's wrong?
07:11Can I have a little cheese with that wine?
07:14Homeless people, pollution, broadcast public school and we can't eat.
07:21What do you guys call yourselves, anyways?
07:23Zyner. Sarnes spelled backwards.
07:26Why don't you call it, uh,
07:27Didputz. That stupid spelled backwards.
07:32Girl, here's what I say.
07:33If they don't like them the way God gave them to you,
07:35tell them to date a cow.
07:38Are you so funny?
07:39No, you're the funny one.
07:41No, no, not me. You.
07:42You.
07:43You.
07:45What is going on in here?
07:47I've seen this before, Flex, in a little movie called
07:49Reefer Madness.
07:51All right, ladies, the jig is up.
07:52Where's the Mary Jane? Where's the Chronic's? Where's the Spliff's?
07:54Where they at?
07:55Daddy, we're just putting the final touches on your room, right, T-Boogie?
08:00That's right, B-double.
08:02See, when me and Tanya are working,
08:03we came up with nicknames for each other.
08:05I'm B-double because my name is
08:07Brianna Barnes.
08:08And I'm T-Boogie because
08:11it just sounds so cool.
08:13Yeah, you know.
08:16Why don't you call me, uh, D-lover?
08:17Because D'Angelo's taken.
08:19You know.
08:22Y'all don't know.
08:24Ooh, I'm supposed to go dancing with spinning artists tonight at jail,
08:27but you still giving me a ride, right?
08:28Of course.
08:29And I'll give you a new hairstyle, too.
08:30I'll go heat up the curlers and meet you in your room.
08:32Okay, see you in five, T-Boogie.
08:37Okay, okay.
08:38She's gone now.
08:39Now you can give it to her with both barrels.
08:41Where do you want to start?
08:41Her breath or her feet?
08:43Look, I know Tanya and I have had our differences,
08:45but I think she's pretty cool.
08:47Oh, come on.
08:48You don't want to crack on her at all.
08:50Didn't you see her pedicure?
08:51It looked like little mice was biting on her toes all night.
08:55Daddy, I think it's really immature to talk about people behind their backs.
08:58You're one of the talkers.
08:59Your feet look like you've been playing kick the can with a car battery.
09:07What's going on, D?
09:08Man, it is plain as day, dog.
09:10T-Boogie is setting a trap for you.
09:11Oh, no, no.
09:12See, I can spot a trap from 200 yards away.
09:14I have dodged two engagements, four fatal attractions, and three green card requests.
09:18See, that's where you messed up.
09:20Now, you should have married those triplets from Compton.
09:22Ooh, they was fine.
09:27Ah, okay, fellas, gather around, gather around.
09:31Now, the first order of business, the new name of the band is The Dust Mites.
09:37Uh, Dwayne?
09:38Ooh.
09:40Now, did I tell you to address me as the Colonel?
09:44Okay, Colonel.
09:47Um, I'm not sure this whole managing thing is working out.
09:50I don't think we're connecting.
09:53Really?
09:54Y'all feel that way?
09:56All right, cool.
09:57I guess I'll just take my whole plan to get you guys on MTV and find another boys' band.
10:01Later to y'all.
10:02Whoa, wait a minute.
10:03You're gonna get us on MTV?
10:05I don't know.
10:06Are we connecting?
10:07Yeah!
10:08Then get up on that stage.
10:09Come on, now.
10:10Ha-ha.
10:12Okay, fellas, now the Colonel has written a whole new song for you.
10:15I think you're gonna like it.
10:17It's about something that we all love.
10:19Take it from the top, now.
10:21All right.
10:22Hit it.
10:30Ooh.
10:31Better all right.
10:32My feelings are real.
10:35My feelings are true.
10:37There's only one word
10:39that can describe you.
10:43You and me,
10:44we should give it a try.
10:48You are so sweet.
10:50You remind me.
10:51Make me smell the pie.
10:52Make me smell the pie.
10:53Blueberry.
10:54My pie.
10:55My pie.
10:56It's my favorite dessert.
10:58What happened?
10:59I always eat pie.
11:01My feelings are hurt.
11:03My feelings are hurt.
11:04Let's be together
11:06and live in a tall house.
11:09I will be your man
11:12and you'll be my spouse.
11:15Strawberry, coconut, and apple.
11:17I wash it down with a Coke or a Snapple.
11:20A Roux-en-Banana or Boston cream.
11:23Give me a slice and you can be my queen.
11:32Lex Washington's soon-to-be MTV celebrity.
11:36Check out your new crib.
11:43So, what do you think?
11:45Uh, I feel like having a kung fu movie.
11:48I don't know whether to order sushi
11:49or break boards with my head.
11:51I knew you'd love it.
11:53Well, everybody wang chung tonight.
11:56I love it.
11:58And no hip crib is complete
11:59without some tasteful art.
12:04Voila!
12:07Yeah, it takes my breath away, too.
12:10Of course, I am biased.
12:14I was gonna call her something else.
12:22And here is the other one.
12:24So, what do you think?
12:27Wow.
12:28The eyes seem to follow me wherever I go.
12:31Sort of like a prison guard.
12:34So, Flex, are you feeling this?
12:36Uh, like a mat-truck to the head.
12:39Uh, but in a good way.
12:41Oh, and Daddy, Taya did my whole room in feng shui.
12:44That feng shui?
12:45Girl, what'd I tell you about cussing?
12:48Oh, Daddy.
12:50Such a man.
12:51Isn't he?
12:54Well, I don't know whether you should build pyramids
12:56or pick cotton.
12:57Because you's whipped.
13:07Daddy, what are you doing?
13:09Just making a few adjustments.
13:10I thought that some of Tanya's stuff
13:12might look better in here.
13:15But I thought you liked the changes
13:16that Tanya and I made.
13:18I do.
13:18But if I'm gonna be on cribs,
13:20then my crib has to look like my crib.
13:23You know?
13:23Manly.
13:25This not manly.
13:28But, Dad, we went to Chinatown
13:30looking for those umbrellas.
13:31We got those and some bootleg copies
13:33of Pootie Tang.
13:35But Tanya's gonna be very upset.
13:37She'll get over it.
13:39And by the way, I moved the cribs interview
13:41from Friday to tomorrow.
13:43Oh, does Tanya know?
13:45Now, sweetie, would I do a thing like that
13:47and not tell Tanya?
13:49Yeah.
13:50You sure know your daddy.
13:53But, Daddy, this is wrong.
13:55Tanya does all these things
13:56because she cares about you.
13:58Come here.
13:59Come.
14:01You ever watch Animal Planet?
14:03Yeah.
14:04And you ever see how the animals
14:05mark their territory?
14:07The way a dog does in a fire hydrant.
14:09Well, this house is my fire hydrant
14:11and I'm the big dog.
14:12All right.
14:27MTV here yet?
14:28No.
14:28And what in the world are you wearing?
14:30Well, I'm about to be discovered.
14:32I told you I wanted to give Beyoncé
14:34a run for her money.
14:36Well, you are not Destiny's child.
14:38You are my child.
14:39So, Beyoncé, you'll butt back in there and change.
14:42I'm too late.
14:48Look, it's MTV Cribs.
14:51And you must be Jennifer.
14:53Or is it Jenny?
14:55You look like a Jenny.
14:56Don't she look like a Jenny?
14:56Yeah.
14:57It's Jennifer.
14:58Okay, here's the drill.
15:00You walk around and show us the place.
15:01We film it and go home.
15:02No do-overs.
15:04Action.
15:12So, you're going to show us something or what?
15:15Uh, how about my hat collection?
15:17Come on.
15:18Come on.
15:20I have every hat in the NBA.
15:23Go, Nick!
15:26I snatched this one right off of Spike Lee's head.
15:29You can smell the anger.
15:31Do it right there!
15:32Hey, look at my outfit.
15:35Am I booty-licious?
15:37Brianna, Daddy's moment.
15:40Come, follow me.
15:42Here is the trophy gallery for many, many years of playing sports.
15:46You know, professional and amateur round ball.
15:49Hot dog eating contest.
15:51First bride.
15:54Uh, Daddy, why don't you go show them your very manly room while I get that?
15:59Don't you boss me around and tell me what to do?
16:01This bedroom's right this way.
16:05Hurry up.
16:06Get in the bed.
16:07Okay, people.
16:07Go.
16:08Go.
16:08Go.
16:09Come on, fellas.
16:10We have one shot at this, so let's not blow it.
16:14All right.
16:14They're coming back.
16:15And remember, pop.
16:20Hey, what is going on?
16:21Get these kids out of here, man.
16:24Hey, kid.
16:38Hey, what are you doing?
16:40You're ruining my lyrics.
16:42Hey.
16:42Dwayne Eldale Knox, lyricist for The Dust Mites.
16:46You can find me at mymamasbasement.com.
16:48Pictures of the band.
16:50And this is Flex Washington.
16:52This is for that Booyah guy.
16:54Here's the end.
16:54What the hell is going on in here?
16:58Oh, Tanya, what a pleasant surprise.
17:01Why don't you take that lamp in the back?
17:02Go ahead, my maid.
17:03Um, and who are you?
17:06Jennifer Chung from MTV Cribs.
17:08And you are pissed.
17:11I thought you guys were coming next week.
17:14Flex changed the date.
17:16It was more convenient to my schedule.
17:19And you didn't tell me?
17:20Because it wasn't convenient to my schedule.
17:23Oh, okay.
17:25I see what's going on up in here.
17:27You're taking my pictures down.
17:29You're lying on national TV.
17:31You're not ready to show the world that you're committed to me, are you?
17:35Excuse me.
17:37I'm having a brainstorm.
17:39Follow me.
17:40Having a picnic out by the lake.
17:45Colonel, you're fired.
17:47Let's go.
17:48Fellas, come on.
17:49Fellas, look.
17:50If it's about the percentage, I'll go back down to 20.
17:52Huh?
17:53Okay, so, is that it?
17:56Are we through?
17:58Look, Tanya, this commitment thing is a big step for me.
18:01You see, you put too much pressure on an egg, and it breaks.
18:04Yes, Flex, but you told me you wanted to be in a committed relationship.
18:07I thought you wanted to be with me.
18:09I did.
18:10I mean, I do.
18:11And everything has been great.
18:12I even gave you a drawer and a key.
18:14But were you happy with that?
18:15No, you had to go build a shrine to yourself.
18:17All hail the queen, Tanya.
18:21Flex, that's what people do when they're committed relationships.
18:23They hang pictures.
18:25Tanya, it's like you're going from monogamy to matrimony overnight.
18:29It's like we're riding in the express lane of relationships, and I want to stay over
18:33to the right with the rest of the slow traffic.
18:36You know what, Flex?
18:37I can't keep waiting around for you.
18:39I am 30-something, and I'm ready to settle down.
18:44Look, right now, Brianna is my priority.
18:47She's got to get a math tutor, braces, and she needs a lot of my time.
18:53She comes first, Tanya.
18:55Flex, what makes you think that Brianna wouldn't be a priority in my life?
19:04Oh.
19:06Okay, I get it.
19:08This is about you.
19:10This has nothing to do with Brianna.
19:12You're just not ready.
19:16Okay, maybe it is me.
19:19Maybe, maybe I'm not ready.
19:26Well, I guess there's only one thing left to do.
19:29We can make love and forget we ever had this talk.
19:34It's over, Flex.
19:39What are you doing, Tanya?
19:41I mean, why can't you just be patient?
19:43Why does everything have to happen right now?
19:46Take care, Flex.
19:49Tanya.
19:52Tanya.
19:55Tanya?
20:05Tanya?
20:07Tanya?
20:11Tanya?
20:14Tanya?
20:15Tanya?
20:15Tanya?
20:16Tanya?
20:16Tanya?
20:16Tanya?
20:16Tanya?
20:16Tanya?
20:28Tanya?
20:48She'll be back.
21:18I love you, Daddy.
21:19Love you, too, Neto.
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