- 23 minutes ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:16What the hell? We're being evicted?
00:18Oh, I'm sorry. Is your name Ethan O'Brien? Because that's the name on the lease.
00:23This is an illegal sublet.
00:24How many times do I have to explain this? Ethan's a pilot whose passion is the open air.
00:28Nice try. Your little boyfriend moved to Nashville to launch his music career.
00:33Oh, I did my detective work, girlies.
00:39No, no.
00:41No, no is right. His music is terrible. That is time I'll never get back.
00:45So go gentrify some godforsaken corner of Brooklyn like everybody else your age.
00:49I'm not cool enough for Brooklyn. They'll eat me alive.
00:51Antoine, please. We are just a poor, racially diverse pair of friends trying to make it in the big city.
00:57I work in the arts.
00:59And I'm an investment banker.
01:01Okay, this conversation is over.
01:03But if you'd like to continue this rant, go blame the guys who live across the hall from you.
01:07They're the ones who told me.
01:09What?
01:10And it wasn't even in passing.
01:12They do not like you.
01:17No, Antoine, wait, what?
01:35Hey, buddy.
01:37Josh.
01:37What's going on?
01:38I was asleep.
01:40We heard you crying all night. You want to talk about it?
01:42Or at least take off Vivian's robe.
01:45It's giving silence to the lambs.
01:46But this robe is the only thing I have left to remind me of her.
01:50See how you feel after you eat?
01:52We got your bacon, egg, and cheese.
01:55Of course.
01:57But that's your last one.
01:58You're single now.
01:59You've got to get rid of this love lard.
02:01Don't call him fat. You're going to give him a complex.
02:03Good.
02:04Body positivity is only for women.
02:06They can look however these days, but we've got to be ripped.
02:08And no girl is going to want to jump on those gorgeous bones of yours with your ex's stuff lying
02:12around.
02:13Put her stuff in here.
02:14I've got a job interview today. I could drop it off at her place on the way.
02:17Will you tell me what she says about me?
02:18No.
02:19Because honestly, that was a lie. I was just going to throw it out.
02:22Take your box.
02:23It's too soon.
02:24In any way, it isn't big enough for all the memories.
02:33What the f-
02:37Hey!
02:38Good morning.
02:39Hi.
02:41How are you?
02:43What a nice surprise.
02:44Care for the blender remnants of a protein smoothie?
02:47No.
02:47We don't want any of your stupid smoothie.
02:50Stupid?
02:51Uh, there's 70 grams of protein in there.
02:53I can't believe you little bitches narked on us.
02:56And I can't believe you defiantly glorified criminality.
02:59For months, I've put up with all of your bullshit.
03:02The girls coming in and out at all hours, storing your shitty ass bikes in the hallway,
03:06which you've never once used.
03:07Because the bike seat makes my penis numb.
03:11And I'm pretty sure you're stealing some of my Amazon packages.
03:15What?
03:15No, no.
03:16I would never steal.
03:17Oh, those are your rhinestone flip-flops?
03:22Yeah, I like sparkly things.
03:23And I've never said a word, but to be little snitches and get us evicted?
03:28If you did, that is low, even for you.
03:30I told Antoine, never mind.
03:31It was too late by the time you ratted us out.
03:33So you better fix this or else.
03:35Are you threatening us?
03:37You want to find out?
03:38My girl's from Dorchester, Massachusetts.
03:40Is that a tough neighborhood?
03:41I'm not familiar with local towns in other states.
03:44Well, I'm from Jersey.
03:44Ever heard of that bitch?
03:45Okay, okay, okay.
03:47Hey, we will fix this.
03:48Just so you know, it's not us.
03:50It's just Josh.
03:51Yeah, Josh only wanted the apartment for his girlfriend, but she dumped his fat ass.
03:54Good.
03:55Get your flops.
03:59Stretched them.
04:07I can't deal with this apartment shit right now.
04:10It's my first real day of work, and I need to make a big impression.
04:14I have decided it's my alpha day.
04:17Your what?
04:18Alpha day.
04:19Banking environments are famously competitive places.
04:22If you're not steamrolling someone, you are getting steamrolled.
04:26Did you get nothing from Wolf of Wall Street?
04:28I mostly remember Leo's naked butt.
04:30It deserved an Oscar.
04:32Okay.
04:32Well, I need to send a message that says,
04:35I am hyper-competent.
04:37I don't need anyone's help, and I don't love strip clubs,
04:40but I can sit at the bar and eat wings.
04:42And hope your boss doesn't remember you called him an asshole and fire you.
04:45I was trying not to think about that.
04:47Yes, that too.
04:48Damn it.
04:50That one.
04:55Alpha day.
04:56Alpha day.
04:56I am an alpha!
04:58I am a boss!
05:05Kate, I am so thankful you found me a job so fast.
05:09Are you kidding me?
05:10We always need substitute teachers.
05:12A lot of our staff take lengthy mental health sabbaticals.
05:15And honestly, I was excited to hear from you.
05:20It's been a minute.
05:21I know.
05:22I got so busy with med school and everything.
05:24Yeah, well, it's great to have you here.
05:26I always thought you had the kind soul and warm eyes of an educator.
05:33Um, I'm really here for the schedule.
05:35Substitute teaching will give me a lot of time to focus on auditioning.
05:38And I need to book an acting gig before I can tell my parents that I quit med school.
05:42So, what excites you most about teaching is not being at school?
05:47No, no, no, no.
05:47It's so much more than that.
05:49I see.
05:50Yeah, I mean, like, I need money for rent and groceries and food and stuff.
05:54Totally.
05:55Totally.
05:55Well, your first class is at two.
05:58Do I need to stick around until then?
05:59Or...
06:00I mean, it's not a written rule, but...
06:02Best job ever.
06:03I...
06:03I...
06:04Just...
06:04Just to say it.
06:05I know we have a romantic history.
06:08A conversation about hummus at a party turned undefined hookup situation.
06:15And I promise you that will not affect our clearly defined professional relationship.
06:20Thank you, Kate.
06:21I'll see you at two.
06:22I'll see you at two.
06:24Two.
06:24Yeah.
06:24Awesome.
06:25Awesome.
06:26Yeah.
06:33Ooh, I found you and Abby a listing.
06:35A two-bedroom on Rikers Island.
06:37You mean Randall's Island?
06:39No, this says Rikers.
06:40Fine.
06:41Send it to me.
06:46He's here.
06:48Who?
06:49What is it?
06:50It's Bill, dumbass.
06:52Office, don't get fired.
06:53Office, don't get fired.
06:54Stop whispering!
06:57And throw away your food.
06:58He hates seeing people eat.
07:00How do you eat them?
07:01Alone before on the toilet.
07:05I paid the cause to be the boss.
07:10I paid the cause to be the boss.
07:15I paid the cause to be the boss.
07:19Look at me.
07:22Look at me.
07:22You know what you see?
07:24You see a bad mug.
07:33Hey! What are you doing? Get in here!
07:41Congratulations. Today is the best and worst day of your life. Do any of you consumer and retail
07:48experts know what Yarn Barn is? Launched in 2013 by Roland Shumwurtz at the St. Louis-based crafting
07:54box store. My mom orders all her bedazzling kits from there. Are you into crafting? Do I look like
07:58I'm into crafting? No. Correct. Thankfully, many people are. Yarn Barn is in 37 states and valued
08:05at over three billion dollars. Stanson Capital is buying it. Ellison Grant is doing the deal. Oh,
08:11cool. Someone has the internet. What you don't know is Ellison Grant fucked the deal last night.
08:16What? How? Rookie move. They were talking about Yarn Barn's founder. Roland Shumwurtz. We know his
08:22name, Jocelyn. Finish your story, Bill. It's great. Anyway, they were on Slack saying his wife is
08:29divorcing him because he looks like a turtle in a wool sweater. But those dummies didn't realize
08:34Turtle Face was also on the thread. So now they're out and we have a chance to poach it. Hey,
08:40do I know
08:41you? No. I'm the new first year I started yesterday. I've never met you before, sir. Are you sure? I
08:47don't
08:47know. Do you go to the Trader Joe's on 31st and 3rd? What's Trader Joe's? It's a discount grocery
08:51store founded by Joe Cologne. Now, at 10 a.m. tomorrow, Roland is coming here where he will read
08:58the best pitch book you have ever made. Tomorrow? It takes a week to put together a book like this.
09:04Then I suggest you get to work. Bill, I for one thrive under pressure. Thank you for putting your
09:09trust in us. Dilip, you're with me. We're meeting Roland at a crafting convention in Cleveland in six
09:16hours. Why are you still here? Oh. Hey, girl. I got your green juice and adderall.
09:38I saw Austin's outfit. I can explain. He looked incredible. He did? I mean, I wouldn't have chosen
09:45that color for him, but you could tell that he loved how he looked. Good job. Did you just say
09:49good job to me? Stop. Don't make a thing of it. So you're not mad about blemish? Oh no, I
09:53am furious.
09:54I had a small heart attack last night and I flatlined for two minutes, but what else could you have
09:58done?
09:58It's not like you picked out that outfit and suggested he wear it. Oh god, no. Taking advantage
10:03of your absence to push my own agenda. I'd get fired for that. Fired? You'd never work again.
10:10All right, I need you to pick up Austin's suit. He's at the Cherry Lane Theater rehearsing for some
10:14boring play. I'm on it. Wait. You didn't happen to bring any cigarettes with you, did you? To the emergency
10:22room?
10:22No. Just leave. Go.
10:34Hey, is now a bad time to grab a seltzer?
10:39Yes.
10:46I'm really sorry again for taking your job. If I had known you were next in line...
10:51You'd what? Not have done it? Look, I've been thinking, if you like, I could put in a good
10:59word with my dad. He burns through his assistance, but he hasn't met you yet, right?
11:04Excuse me, I gotta go get my lumbar support belt, as I've got 20 more pallets of seltzer to unload.
11:19Tried in the work text?
11:29What the hell? They're not even red. They're Vermont Barnes.
11:39Can you believe this? My co-workers have a secret text chain where they call me Joffrey.
11:46I can see it.
11:46Yeah, I can see it too. Evil Nepo's son of the king? That's the problem. They hate me so much,
11:52I'm not even invited to work drinks tomorrow night. How do I fix this?
11:56Man, they just don't know you. In the seventh grade, I thought you were a huge nerd.
11:59And then I went to your bar mitzvah and Bruno Mars was there. And I decided you were cool.
12:03That's neither a compliment nor helpful.
12:06Dude, you're the best person we know. You saved my life.
12:08Wait, Josh diagnosed your arrhythmia?
12:10No. No, I've almost died a lot. This was homecoming, 2019.
12:14I drank so much I passed out in a bush and started choking on my own puke.
12:17Luckily, that bush was in front of Hell House.
12:19Hillel House, the Jewish affinity group.
12:21And it was a mitzvah, because this sweet angel saw me, rolled me on my side,
12:25and removed all my IDs so the cops couldn't call my parents.
12:28Yes, be that guy. That guy is awesome. There's no way your co-workers won't love you.
12:32Just crash the drinks.
12:33Really?
12:34Just show up uninvited.
12:36I don't even like it when you guys have friends over without asking.
12:39No, no, no. Crashing's cool. Wedding Crashers? Favorite movie.
12:42Crash Enemy? Best Dave Matthews song.
12:43And a crash cart saved my life when my arrhythmia was acting up.
12:48You know what? You guys are right. I'm going.
12:51But I really hate the bar they picked. Should I suggest a nicer one?
12:54No, man. You're hopeless.
12:55Why do we even bother giving you advice?
12:58Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.
13:00His stylist assistant!
13:02Please!
13:09Hi. I'm here to pick up a package for Vanessa Sue.
13:15Thank you. Thank you so much.
13:16Oh, hey.
13:18Oh, hi. I'm Abby. I work for Vanessa. I dressed you last night.
13:23Yeah, I know who you are. What kind of sociopath forgets someone from 12 hours ago?
13:27You get used to being invisible in this job once Vanessa stood on my hand for an entire fitting.
13:32I doubt you could ever be invisible.
13:37Uh, you were right by the way. The outfit thing. The film wasn't tracking well and now they're
13:43thinking about adding more theaters, so thank you.
13:46Yeah, it's my pleasure.
13:50Okay, I'm gonna go elbow my way through a pack of deranged teenagers now.
13:54Yeah, it's crazy, huh? I tried to go to Joe's to get a piece of pizza and one of them
13:58bit me.
13:59Oh.
14:00I think I'm gonna have a zin for lunch. Hey, I'd love to see you again.
14:06Wow. That is obviously, uh, beyond flattering. But I just got my first compliment from Vanessa.
14:14I cannot mess this up. So, I can't see you like that. I need to set that boundary.
14:22Wow. Yeah, I wasn't expecting that answer, but sure, I can do boundaries.
14:27Thank you. I'll see you around.
14:38Normally, our teachers do wear a blazer, though you look amazing in anything, so I'll take it.
14:45Thank you. I mean, I just figured I'd throw a lab coat over it and...
14:48Oh, lab coat. You're teaching English. Did I not mention that?
14:53Sorry, my cat attacked this kid in our building and it's become this whole thing.
14:56Uh, okay, but I can't teach English. I majored in bio-camp. The last book I read was Lemony Snicket.
15:02Kel, you love theater. Plays are just lazy books. They're studying Jane Austen.
15:08You know where to find me if you need anything.
15:10What? Kate. Hold on. Kate. Kate.
15:15Here we go.
15:20Hello, young minds. I am your new English teacher, Kel Washington. You guys can call me Mr. Washington.
15:27We don't do that here. We'll be calling you Kel.
15:29Oh, great. Very casual. What my roommates call me. I like it. Okay, um, today I am very excited to
15:39dive into Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.
15:44It is a book I really love and know a lot about.
15:48So, Kel, what's your deal?
15:51My deal?
15:51Before you try to lie, we looked you up. We know you were in med school two seconds ago.
15:56What happened? Did you get expelled?
15:58I was not expelled, no. I, I wanted a career change. So I took destiny into my own hands.
16:05Kind of like Elizabeth Bennet.
16:08Who's that? Is she, is she another student?
16:10She's the protagonist of the book you quote, love and know a lot about.
16:15Right. Of course. Uh, yeah. Um, well, she seems like a real cool lady.
16:21Jesus, Kel. Tuition here costs more than most colleges.
16:25Yeah. Angela Merkel spoke at our graduation and we booed her off the stage for being boring.
16:30So, pray tell, what business do you have teaching here?
16:34Look, I assumed I was going to be teaching biology.
16:38But here we are. And it's going to be great.
16:40How about we start with chapter one out loud and everyone picks a fun voice?
16:53Stop. Oh my god, you're so funny.
16:57Okay. See you soon. Bye.
17:00Guess what? My ex still works at Allison.
17:03It was a very unhealthy relationship for him.
17:06Anyway, he's agreed to give me the inside scoop on their numbers so we can land this deal.
17:11Huge. You go. Me and Private Pascarelli will tag team the models in the deck.
17:15No. I'll do the models and charts myself. Davis can format the deck.
17:24Look, I applaud the ambition, but I'm the second year and when I was a first year,
17:29my second year held my hand through everything. Kwaku and I were two brains, beating as one.
17:33Davis, no offense, but I've spent the past three summers modeling of fidelity.
17:38Don't worry.
17:45It's an urban oasis with picturesque views of a historically significant Duncan's.
17:51What the hell?
17:53I'm sorry. Are you lost, little girl?
17:55I can't believe you're showing the apartment already. I have to use my bathroom.
17:58It's Rebecca and Zeb's bathroom. Pending a credit check.
18:06It's haunted!
18:08I can't believe you dropped out of medical school to act.
18:12But since it allowed you to be home during my moment of crisis, I fully support it. Thank you.
18:19Of course. Anytime. Seriously. I mean, me banyo, es su banyo.
18:23Okay. Bye.
18:25Sorry. Are you watching Pride and Prejudice? Did you put that on to make me think you were sensitive?
18:30Cal!
18:30No, no. I just got a job teaching English at a girl's school to make money,
18:34and if I don't catch up fast, they will destroy me.
18:37Oh.
18:40Were they bullying you? Correcting you on the material?
18:42Yeah. A lot.
18:44Did they ask a lot of personal questions with an air of judgment?
18:46Yes. How did you know? Because I was just like these girls.
18:50An overachieving little asshole who projected the impossibly high expectations of my parents onto my teachers.
18:55Okay. Then help me out. Don't just eat my Swedish fish.
18:58Your only chance of survival is to be so prepared you make them feel stupid.
19:02I am preparing. I'm watching the movie.
19:04That's not nearly enough. If they've read the book, you need to read three.
19:07Treat it like you're preparing for medical school.
19:09Can't I just tell them that I'll fail them if they don't do what I say?
19:12Wait. What's this?
19:14Antoine puts on these sad dance showcases that nobody goes to.
19:19Hmm. Can I keep this?
19:22Yeah.
19:26I'm keeping these, too.
19:28Sure.
19:37I know I set a boundary, and I do mean it, but I need a favor.
19:41I'll say goodbye to all my sorrow, and by tomorrow I'll be on my way, I guess the Lord must
19:54be in New York City.
20:01The charts on this deck are fucked up!
20:03Did Davis format the deck run?
20:05How dare you? But did I?
20:07No. The charts are wrong because AJ's models are wrong.
20:09No, no. That's impossible. I triple-checked everything.
20:11Then why doesn't the book reflect the new numbers I got from my ex?
20:14I had to agree to go to his dad's 70th birthday for those!
20:16Oh, my God. I was so locked in. I missed your email and didn't update the models.
20:20I totally fucked up. I'm gonna get fired.
20:23Bill and Turtle Face will be here in 90 minutes.
20:25I'm so sorry.
20:27It's fine. We can adjust the models. The problem is...
20:29Reprinting the book. Internal is slammed. We have to go off-site.
20:32Gramercy or Delancey? Gramercy's closer.
20:33Yeah, but I know Ron and Delancey. He'll open up early for me.
20:36Again. I am so sorry.
20:37Stop apologizing. Only apologize if we can't fix this.
20:40No, go. I'll call ahead.
20:49Damn, Jane Austen.
20:51Yeah, you can write.
21:14Hey, man. I'm Davis. Love your work.
21:22I'm from the South, which is like the only place that still appreciates the importance of a printed invitation.
21:28It's like, when did faster start to mean better?
21:32You know what? Thank you for saying that.
21:35Hey, I feel like a tool just chatting while you're doing all the work.
21:38You mind if I box while you bind?
21:40Knock yourself out, buddy.
21:41Great. Thanks.
21:42Of course.
21:52You had Austen Blanchett tweet about my show?
21:56Yes. Unless that's bad.
21:59It's sold out. I've never been more excited in my life.
22:03I just thought you deserved the hype.
22:05I do. I do deserve the hype.
22:07I can't wait to tell my cousin Mahershal he's not the only talented one in the family.
22:12Oh!
22:17So, can we stay?
22:21Yes, you can stay.
22:22Yes.
22:23But someone comparably famous has to tweet about my showcase once a year.
22:27You have a deal?
22:30Those posters better be held up with tape.
22:40Oh, shit!
22:42There are no cabs, and the closest Uber is 20 minutes away?
22:46We have to push back the meeting.
22:48No, no, look!
22:50Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
22:51Sir, I will give you a hundred bucks for that bike.
22:54Yes, sir.
22:56All right, come on, hop on.
22:57Uh, where?
22:58The handlebar, ET style.
23:01AJ, let's go.
23:10Hello, everyone.
23:12Just to refresh, I'm Mr. Washington.
23:15You're actually showing your face again?
23:17I'm Mr. Ferrars of you, Kel.
23:19Ah, Mr. Ferrars from Sense and Sensibility, Jane Austen's first novel.
23:23Yeah, Mr. Washington did his reading, and then some last night.
23:28Kel, are we supposed to be impressed you did your job?
23:31Come on, guys.
23:32We're going to Blue Mercury.
23:33Oh, that's too bad.
23:35I was just gonna ask if Charlotte Bronte was right when she said Jane's writing lacked passion.
23:41Charlotte was just jealous that Jane's the queen of Victorian literature and not her.
23:45And I ask, why the need to crown a queen?
23:49No one pits Charles Dickens against Victor Hugo.
23:52Because the patriarchy insists on pitting successful women against each other,
23:56even when they're born 40 years apart.
23:58Let's see what Jane has to say about that.
24:00She's dead as hell, Kel.
24:02Right, but they published a collection of her letters.
24:07I was just gonna see if there was maybe a real-life Mr. Darcy.
24:10Mr. Darcy was real?
24:12Maybe, Marina.
24:14But you guys have fun at Blue Mercury, and the rest of us will find out.
24:21Maybe we can go to Blue Mercury later?
24:25Fine.
24:27Continue, Kel.
24:29Mr. Washington.
24:31Mr. W?
24:32I'll take it.
24:35Oh, God.
24:37You guys drink that shit?
24:39It's like old lake water.
24:42David, go faster!
24:43I'm going as fast as I can!
24:46I'm just wearing a lantern blind!
24:48We're on our way!
24:49Hurry up!
24:50They're putting up the pastries!
24:51David, they're putting up the pastries!
24:57Fucking New York!
24:59Oh, 25 miles from home, girl!
25:03Book five minutes out!
25:05Stall!
25:07Roland!
25:08Did you know our offices have one of the finest private art collections in New York,
25:13including an Edward Hopper?
25:16Oh, I love Edward Hopper!
25:17Shall we?
25:19We have an art collection?
25:20Yes, it's spectacular.
25:22Oh, thank God!
25:23Go, go, go, go, go, go!
25:25Go, go, go, go, go!
25:25Go, go, go, go, go!
25:27Go, go, go, go, go, go!
25:27Go, go, go, go, go, go!
25:27I got to walk on!
25:30Oh, go, go, go!
25:32I, I, I, I, I'm so tired!
25:36But I just can't lose my strength!
25:39Go, go, go, go, go!
25:46Hey!
25:52We're right here, Roland, as is the rest of our C&R team.
25:55Oh.
25:56Hello.
26:05You got just more now.
26:14Oh!
26:22Oh my God, what are the chances?
26:26I love this bar.
26:28We must have office mind meld.
26:30Can I join?
26:31It's kind of tight.
26:32No, this is great!
26:34Ah, this fits.
26:37Excuse me.
26:40So, thanks everyone drinking.
26:42I ordered a light beer because sometimes they put an orange in it.
26:53So, Warren, tell me about yourself.
26:55All I know is you're wearing a Rutgers sweatshirt and eating celery.
26:59Well, I went to Rutgers, hence the, uh, and my wife and I recently lost 150 pounds on Ozempic.
27:06What?
27:06That's incredible!
27:07Unfortunately, only two of those pounds were mine.
27:10So, my wife left me and is now teaching spin classes on a cruise ship, but I'm happy for her.
27:16I'm so sorry, but my girlfriend just dumped me too.
27:20So, any night you want to prowl, I'm there.
27:22Really?
27:24Thanks.
27:25Uh, how about you?
27:26Chandra, I see that how main bracelet?
27:28Kids?
27:29Or are you just young at heart?
27:31Oh, both, actually.
27:33I was just telling Warren that my daughter's birthday is next week, she's turning 10,
27:37and we have no idea what to do for her birthday party.
27:40What about those Natural History Museum superpowers?
27:44I did that for my 10th and I crushed.
27:45I'm sure, but the wait lists for those are endless.
27:48You know what?
27:49My mom's on the board of the Natural History Museum.
27:52I'll talk to her.
27:53We can make this happen.
27:54Oh my god, that would be great.
27:56Yeah, you're still here.
27:58Ah, sorry.
27:58We were just getting to know each other and maybe falling in love?
28:02You guys feeling that too?
28:03Yeah.
28:04How about you?
28:05Elena, what's your deal?
28:06I grew up in Queens, went to Stuyvesant.
28:09I got into Northwestern, but it was too expensive, so I went to Hunter.
28:13Is that good?
28:16Yup.
28:18Should I share more stuff about me?
28:20I learned how to juggle last year, which was exciting.
28:30Hold the door.
28:35Hey.
28:43Congrats, I heard you're not getting kicked out anymore.
28:47I'm such an idiot.
28:49Hey, is this okay?
28:52Maybe I don't know what's going on.
28:55I suck at my job.
28:56I almost ruined this whole pitch, and the worst part is my coworkers fixed it and they didn't even rub
29:02it in my face.
29:02I would have been such a bitch.
29:05Yeah, I could say that.
29:06I should move back to Boston and work at a European wax center.
29:10Hey, I could be wrong, but I think people helping each other at work is actually what work is supposed
29:15to be like.
29:17I guess that's true.
29:18I wish I had that.
29:20There's this one girl at my job.
29:23I cannot stand me.
29:24I can't charm her at all.
29:26Oh, maybe don't try to charm her.
29:28Charm is a red flag to girls.
29:29You know who was charming?
29:31Ted Bundy.
29:32I'm like Ted Bundy?
29:33Basically.
29:34Why don't you take your own advice and try to be helpful?
29:39That was good advice.
29:45Hey, I need to get Davis something to say thank you.
29:48What does he like?
29:49Whiskey?
29:50One of those shirts you're not supposed to tuck in?
29:52Honestly, what Davis likes the most is spending time with his friends.
29:56Oh my god, this fucking guy.
29:58I know.
30:01Well, uh, good night.
30:04Sorry, I'll move the likes.
30:09Hey.
30:12I, uh, need to tell you something.
30:14You are right.
30:15We actually do know each other.
30:18Sophomore year, Penn Model UN Conference, we hooked up.
30:24Wait, what?
30:25Yeah, I had a long hair back then.
30:28Oh my god.
30:30Yeah, you ghosted me.
30:32Which sucked, but it was a long time ago.
30:35Don't worry about it.
30:36Anyway, good night.
30:52Hey.
30:54Hi.
30:56Sorry, are you in the middle of something?
30:58No, I was just finishing my yoga practice.
31:02Why are you here?
31:04At the theater, you said you were too famous to go and get a pizza.
31:09Now I'm panicking that you don't remember.
31:11No, I remember.
31:12I remember things.
31:14Well, I just wanted to say thank you for tweeting about my landlord's dance thing.
31:19I mean, I've never had less likes, but I'm glad he's happy.
31:24Look, I know I said I couldn't go out with you.
31:28But maybe we could be friends.
31:30I mean, I've never really had a female friend before, but that's cool.
31:35Wait, you're not just going to ask me for money and SNL tickets, are you?
31:38Definitely not.
31:39Unless Dua Lipa's the musical guest, then yes.
31:41Great.
31:43Well, ground rules established, friend.
31:46Good night.
31:48Good night.
32:01People so busy, make me feel dizzy, taxi lights shine so bright.
32:21Thank you for everything today.
32:23Can't I make you dinner to say thanks?
32:27Hell yes!
32:30Yes!
32:43Every day I look at the world, our mind will know.
32:52Chilly, chilly is evening sun.
32:55New person.
32:57My office.
33:02Uh, so did Roland like our pitch?
33:06I know.
33:07Excuse me?
33:08I know how I know you.
33:11You called me an asshole and cost me five hundred dollars.
33:15Oh my god.
33:15I am so sorry about that.
33:17I had just been for a run.
33:19I think my blood sugar was off.
33:21I will see an endocrinologist.
33:22Stop.
33:24Don't ever lie to me again.
33:25I will always find out.
33:28Go.
33:39Okay, mami.
33:41Tengo que ir.
33:42Voy a guardar las sodas.
33:44It takes two to love, but only one to leave.
33:49It was you who did that dirty deed.
33:55It's a brighter day than ever before.
33:59I got a new life and I'm feeling right on.
34:04My head is high and my spirit is strong.
34:17I got better things to do better things to do better things to do than remember you.
34:27I got better things to do better things to do better things to do than remember you.
34:37I got better things to do better things to do better things to do better than ako baby and I'll
34:40give me aID.
34:41Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
34:44Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
34:45Mm-hmm.
34:49It's a brighter day than ever before
34:54Cause I don't think about you no more
34:59I got a new life and I'm feeling right on
35:04My head is high and my spirit is...
35:07Go to bed.
Comments