- 2 days ago
Hello Racers and welcome to DRAG☆FOLKS - Everything Drag (Race) In One Place To Watch. If you liked this video, feel free to subscribe for more and join my socials, where I post frequently:
REDDIT: https://www.reddit.com/r/dragfolksworld/
WEBPAGE: https://dragfolks.carrd.co/
OTHER CHANNEL: https://www.dailymotion.com/user/dragfolksarchives
REDDIT: https://www.reddit.com/r/dragfolksworld/
WEBPAGE: https://dragfolks.carrd.co/
OTHER CHANNEL: https://www.dailymotion.com/user/dragfolksarchives
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:56Oh, hello, possums, and what a lovely, what a lovely,
00:59moving welcome that was to me. I mustn't get too emotional like that unsavoury creature
01:07who just introduced me. Must I? I've got to keep my cool tonight because it's an event.
01:14It's another event. A few years ago, many moons ago now, I allowed myself to be probed
01:21by a celebrity audience in these London weekend studios. I said, anything goes, I let it all
01:29hang out. And, of course, that's now television history, isn't it? It's become a little classic,
01:37little people made pirate videos of it. It's being used in schools, all that kind of thing.
01:45And I'm in the hot seat again tonight. London weekend, I know, tried that little experiment
01:50with a few other so-called celebrities. And frankly, frankly, I mean this in a nice way,
01:56the magic didn't work. I'm not going to name names. I don't need to, do I, darlings?
02:03But tonight, of course, it's going to work again because this is what's called peer group
02:08therapy, isn't it? I'm here with my peer group. Well, you're all sitting there peering at me
02:15anyway. And that's my definition of a peer group. And we've got little celebrities here
02:22tonight. Of course, there mightn't be celebrities everywhere. I mean this nicely, but if this
02:28show goes out by satellite, say to Venezuela or Newfoundland or even Tasmania, frankly, those
02:37of you who deem yourself to be celebrities will mean absolutely nothing to that audience.
02:44But then, I mean, the chances are I'll be the only person they recognize.
02:51But there are several categories of celeb, aren't there? There are sort of what I call
02:56AM celebrities and FM celebrities. You know, some of their little beams don't always travel
03:02as far as they might, but that doesn't matter, does it? Because we all enjoy ourselves.
03:08Of course, there are some people here that I won't recognize. I'm sorry. I'll try to.
03:13I'll pretend I recognize you. The chances are I won't know you from Adam, though. I might.
03:19And there are some people here, too, who you might recognize. They could be my heavies.
03:24They could be. Because naturally, I mean, I have little security problems and the audience
03:29is bristling with a few little heavies of mine, my little minders. I don't mean this
03:35in a sort of awful way, but I hope you enjoy yourselves if you don't appear to enjoy yourselves
03:42because they can take the law into their own hands.
03:46Well, you could find yourself at the bottom of Sydney Harbour if you don't like.
03:50You could. Mind you, you probably wouldn't reach the bottom. You'd be eaten by a shark first.
03:57But a lot of people have urged me to go up market a bit.
04:02You know, I had a reputation for being a comedian for quite...
04:06Oh, look at me, being a bit of...
04:07Why didn't you tell me?
04:11I had a bit of a reputation for being a comedian, which I...
04:15Not really. People said to me,
04:16David, why do you always have to be funny?
04:20Why can't you be like other Australian comedians?
04:22And I thought of it.
04:25I'm feeling so relaxed and really a lovely warm mood.
04:29I'm in one of my gorgeous moods. I don't, as I say, need to do it because
04:33I'm not really a professional. I don't need to tell you this.
04:36I was born with a precious gift in Melbourne. I'm an Australian, incidentally.
04:42I was born in Melbourne with a priceless gift.
04:47Dame nature must have stooped over my little bassinet
04:50and gave me this gift.
04:52It was the ability, the priceless ability, to laugh at the misfortunes of others.
04:57And, you know...
05:02And that keeps me cheerful 24 hours a day.
05:09But, I'm going to now throw it open.
05:11I've been chatting twice as long as I should have
05:14because this is a sharing evening.
05:16This is where we share.
05:18Isn't it?
05:19And so, I'm going to use a very, very wonderful expression of the 1980s now.
05:25I'm going to say,
05:26Sock it to me, possums!
05:30Look at them all.
05:31Yes, you!
05:32It's Dame Kiri, you gorgeous thing.
05:35And can I say to you this, my little Kiwi,
05:38my precious little golden-voiced one.
05:41Can I say this to you before you ask me your little probing question?
05:46That I put you up for that little dame.
05:48That I did.
05:50That I did.
05:51My little friend, I did.
05:53I said...
05:56The powers that be who will be watching this, by the way,
05:59and they'll be so grateful for my discretion,
06:01but they said to me,
06:02Who else but you?
06:03Is there any other Antipodean songbird?
06:07And I said,
06:08There's little Kiri.
06:09There is.
06:10Goodness, we're proud of you, darling.
06:12What's your question?
06:13Thank you very much.
06:15I wondered if you were ever at all interested in maybe opera or operetta,
06:20and what do you think about the Merry Woodo?
06:23Would it suit you?
06:25Would it?
06:28Well, it almost would, Kiri.
06:30Unfortunately, I mean, fortunately, my husband is still with us.
06:33He is.
06:35Grutely enough, I'm wearing Norm's watch.
06:38I am.
06:38This is Norm's watch,
06:39and I think I must be probably the only woman in the world
06:42who wears a husband's watch while he's still alive.
06:45Isn't that wonderful?
06:48But opera...
06:48Oh, yes, I'm into that.
06:50Of course, the operas I love are the ones you're in, Kiri,
06:52and I'm not just saying that.
06:54Well, yes, in fact, I am.
06:57See, I can't tell a fib, can I?
06:59I have to be a horrifically direct type of a woman.
07:03Too direct sometimes.
07:04You know, I'm going to come out with a few things tonight
07:06that might even give offence.
07:07I'm sorry if I do.
07:08I wouldn't mean it.
07:09I'll mean it nice.
07:10If I insult you, I'll do it nicely.
07:13I promise you.
07:14And you'll, in a way, you'll forgive me afterwards.
07:16Kiri, I love the opera,
07:18and there are parts in the theatre, too, that I'd like to do.
07:20I am, in a way, an actress.
07:22I've been accepted by the theatre.
07:25But, I don't know, I'm basically, I think, an amateur.
07:28I'm just a person...
07:29I'm a sort of phenomenon, I suppose, you'd say.
07:32Funny me that I can actually speak of myself in an objective way.
07:35That constantly establishes me.
07:39Yes, the little...
07:40Oh, hello, Clive.
07:42How are you?
07:42One of my fellow Australians.
07:44A little protege of mine, too, if I may say so.
07:48Thanks very much, Aunt Edna.
07:49I wonder if I could...
07:50I wonder if I could ask an intimate question about you and your husband, Norm.
07:54We know that you and he have always been...
07:56We know that you and he have always been deeply in love
07:58and that he's been a solid pillar of fidelity to you and you to him
08:02over the years and, indeed, the decades.
08:04But I wonder if...
08:11I didn't know I had a guest artist on the show.
08:19I'm just getting to the peroration now, Aunt Edna.
08:21But I wonder if your eyes ever strayed.
08:23I wonder if you've ever been attracted to other men than Norm.
08:27And I wonder what attracts you in other men.
08:28What sort of men are you attracted to?
08:32I am attracted to other men.
08:33Clive, you've asked me a direct question and I'm answering you
08:36very, very directly on the media in front of all these people, yes.
08:44I'm a woman, I have drives and I have juices, as I've mentioned before.
08:50And my husband has been...
08:52has not been a well person for many, many years.
08:56Oh, most amusing.
08:59Let me know when your loved ones are in intensive care.
09:03Let me know.
09:08I'll come along and have a good old chuckle at you.
09:20But I...
09:21I do...
09:22I rather like shortish men.
09:24I do, Clive.
09:25I do.
09:26I mean, in a way, you can't get enough of them, can you?
09:30I like men I can look down on.
09:32I like little Roman Polanski.
09:35You did an interview with him.
09:37He's a little, precious little thing, isn't he, in his spooky little way.
09:42And I like Lord Snowden.
09:44He's gorgeous, too.
09:45He's of diminished stature.
09:48And I like...
09:49Of course, little Charles Aznavour could dance in the old-fashioned way with me
09:54any time he liked.
09:55I love little Charles.
09:57Sometimes dream about him, as a matter of fact.
09:59But, Norm, you know, I have to tell you, I felt a little while ago that I hadn't made
10:05enough sacrifices somehow because I've been given so much.
10:09What have I given?
10:10I often think that's why I'm here, for heaven's sake.
10:12But, I thought, what have I given for the conservation of energy, for example?
10:17I thought, I've given nothing.
10:19I've done nothing to conserve energy.
10:21And then it hit me.
10:22I thought, there's one thing I can do.
10:25I can have Norm taken off his life support system.
10:28I did.
10:30I did it.
10:31It was a big decision.
10:35It was a big decision.
10:41It was a big decision, but I did it.
10:44I did it gladly.
10:45I did it, in a way, gratefully.
10:48The spooky thing that happened after that was that he came good.
10:51Now, he'd been, he made a miracle recovery.
10:55He'd been using that as a crutch, if you don't mind me using that word.
10:58He did.
10:59And he's now getting around the hozzy on a frame.
11:01And there's talk.
11:02There is talk of him coming home.
11:04Now, this is a big shock.
11:05It's a big adjustment that I have to make.
11:08Because he's asked for his clothes.
11:10And, of course, I, well, I gave them to the Salvation Army years ago.
11:14I mean, years ago.
11:16His golf clubs have been all my daughter.
11:18Nora's turned them into a mandala.
11:20She's milked them into a day.
11:22She's made a contemporary sculpture of them.
11:24His Masonic trowel.
11:26I wouldn't know where it was.
11:30It's going to lead to so many.
11:31He wants me to be, you know, his chattel again.
11:34He wants to manage me.
11:35He wants to get rid of Barry Humphries.
11:37He's my manager.
11:37There's another problem.
11:39Of course, Norma's wanted to handle me for years, Clive.
11:42But I never thought he was well enough.
11:43And I don't think he is now.
11:46But there it is.
11:47Isn't life funny?
11:47These little changes, you know, have happened to you.
11:50Just when you've practically written someone off.
11:54Yes, darling, you.
11:56At the back, in the black, first of all.
11:59Well, you've been talking about Norm, Dame Edwin.
12:01I have been worried quite a lot about him.
12:02It does seem to me that you have perhaps been just a little indulging yourself.
12:06You know, superstarring around the world while he was there, sort of prostrate with his prostate down under.
12:11I mean, don't you think you should have been by his side?
12:13Well, I was there as often as I could.
12:16Why do you think I haven't been on the media much lately?
12:20You've probably ever seen me.
12:21I've been there in my tracksuit, sitting there looking at my watch.
12:28I have, darling.
12:29There's a limit to what you can do.
12:30I've tried to amuse him.
12:32But you can't really over-entertain an institutionalised loved one.
12:36I must tell you what we gave Norm for Christmas.
12:38I had his bedside drip re-chromed.
12:41I didn't know.
12:43The nurses, they put holly all the way up the tube.
12:48And they filled it with brandy butter, too.
12:50Apparently, that doesn't do them any harm.
12:54Also tell you, because there would be people, even celebrities, with institutionalised loved ones.
13:00And what do you do?
13:01What jokes do you play on them on April Fool's Day?
13:04It is a problem, isn't it?
13:06Because you want to amuse them and you don't want to necessarily finish them off.
13:11I'll tell you what joke we played on Norm, Clare.
13:14Am I right?
13:14Yeah.
13:19Clare, it's a lovely trick and you could play it on your loved ones.
13:21We pretended to him.
13:24We pretended to him that he was going to be discharged from the hospital.
13:33The sister packed his suitcase.
13:37See, he's in his private room so he could see, he could watch her doing it in the mirror above
13:46his page-turning machine.
13:51They got him into the dressing gown, the one we thought he'd never wear, Caring.
13:55Well, they say apparently they can put the pins back in it.
13:57Anyway, they got him down to the front steps of the horsey about three-quarters of an hour later.
14:05And there was the ambulance ticking over.
14:07And just as Norm practically fell into the ambulance,
14:12it whizzed up down.
14:19And all the doctors and nurses lent out the hospital windows and said,
14:23April 4th!
14:28And I only wish that Norm could have laughed at that as well.
14:35But I'm accountable.
14:36That's the new word, isn't it?
14:37Arthur, hello, darling.
14:39And I love your book, Arthur Marshall.
14:41I do.
14:42I really, there's a laugh at every line, darling.
14:46You're good news.
14:47There are a lot of people who are good news.
14:49And you're definitely very high on my list of good news people, Arthur Marshall.
14:55I'm sure there's something bubbling up in your mind that you want to ask me.
14:58Dear, I wanted to ask, your mastery of words is so extraordinary.
15:03And we all admire it so greatly.
15:05Are you yourself a great bookworm?
15:08I am, Arthur.
15:09I do.
15:10I love, well, even as a youngster, when I was a very young girl
15:14and I first started to grow hair I could sit on.
15:17You know, I was always, please, I was, please, celebrity audience, please.
15:29I was always, Arthur, I was always under the bedclothes with a torch.
15:34I was.
15:37I was.
15:37And then one day our family doctor suggested I give that up and take up reading.
15:41And I've never, I've never looked back or up.
15:47I have and I love, I've got my nose into something pretty interesting most of the time.
15:52Little Beryl, little Beryl Bainbridge's latest is pretty good, too.
15:56I adore that.
15:57But all kinds of literature I like.
16:00And, too, little, your little magazine, Private Eye,
16:02which has been pretty kind to me, Richard, if I may say so.
16:05I've never had occasion to sue you.
16:07I must be one of the few.
16:09I've done it.
16:11But there it is.
16:12I don't think you'd take me on.
16:13I don't think even Richard would take me on,
16:15because I'd be a formidable foe, wouldn't I, darling?
16:18Wouldn't I?
16:20But keep up the good work with those little fingers.
16:22Have they commissioned a sequel yet, Arthur?
16:24Not yet.
16:26No, but you could name your figure now, couldn't you?
16:28And yet all those years of obscurity.
16:34And there you are, sitting next to the adorable Margaret Duchess of our guile.
16:39Hello, Margaret.
16:40How are you, darling?
16:41Lovely to see you.
16:42Looking gorgeous, of course.
16:45I love the little frock, too.
16:46It's beautiful.
16:47It's lovely.
16:49You're very fortunate the woman who lent it to you was your size, darling.
16:55Next, please.
16:57Yes, darling.
16:58You gorgeous creature, aren't you?
17:01I don't know if your beauty is a secret.
17:04Well, I mean, you're looking at it, darling, aren't you?
17:09You are.
17:10I hope it's not too much of a secret.
17:11I'm very, very lucky with my looks.
17:13I'm not a classic beauty.
17:15I'm not.
17:16I'm sorry, but I'm not.
17:17Many have said so, but I'm not.
17:20I do pamper myself, though.
17:21I use some of our precious marsupials, our Australian marsupials.
17:25Some of their little emanations and some of their lovely secretions.
17:30It's very difficult, I'm afraid, to get wombat milk at Fortnum and Mason.
17:36It is.
17:37But whenever I can, I rub it into my little nooks and crannies and scrunchies.
17:43But I'm lucky.
17:44I'm lucky with my skin.
17:45I've got beautiful skin.
17:46You can feel it after the show if you want it.
17:48And viewers, too.
17:50I pity you won't be able to touch me.
17:51A lot of people do want to.
17:53And I should say now, I know this is an answer to a question, but I'm perhaps anticipating it.
17:58I am not a healer.
17:59I'm not.
18:00I haven't those powers.
18:01I've got powers.
18:02I don't think you'd be here, would you?
18:03Let's face it.
18:05You wouldn't be here drinking in my words if I didn't have spooky old powers, would you?
18:09But I can't heal.
18:11I cannot heal.
18:15Though, I must say after the last show I did here, I found a battered crutch under one
18:21of the seats.
18:22The cleaners did.
18:25They did.
18:26So someone must have walked home laughing.
18:29Don't you know?
18:30It wouldn't surprise me in the least if there weren't a few old crutches going begging here
18:34tonight, and I'm almost certain there are.
18:40Look at Edna Healy laughing at me.
18:43Hello, darling, Edna.
18:45My little namesake.
18:48You know, you've done such a lot, too.
18:50Not just for your marvellous little husband there.
18:53But you've done a lot in your own right for people and things, and yet I suppose if the
18:57honours list came along, would you accept a damehood, do you think, darling?
19:03Would you?
19:03Here's me asking you a question.
19:06Oh, you'd be Dame Edna the second, wouldn't you?
19:10Can I?
19:14Lovely.
19:14And Dennis, look, please, before I forget it, I've got this camera.
19:18I can't get the film out of this, Dennis.
19:21You think, after it, the camera watching it, you're a bit of a photography buff.
19:30Could you get it out afterwards in a dark room?
19:33If you'll join me in the dark room, then.
19:36I will, of course, if you don't mind, Edna.
19:39We could make wonderful music together.
19:40Could I ask you a question?
19:42Yes, certainly.
19:45Is it without notice?
19:47It is, actually.
19:49I mean, you've shown such delicacy, sensitivity, and refinement this evening.
19:59I understand your loyalty to Norm, but have you never thought of making music with Sir Leslie Patterson?
20:15Well, I think I'm going to have to think about that.
20:18Don't you know I haven't, Dennis?
20:20Of course not.
20:21What a facetious thing to say.
20:27I think he's not at all typical of Australia, and he lets down the side very badly indeed, Dennis.
20:34And I think you're giving him unnecessary publicity.
20:36Your comments, then, will be flashed around the world.
20:39Do you really?
20:42Probably on one of the very few occasions they will be.
21:01We've been worried about you.
21:05I love that little neo-beatnik look.
21:09Well, here we are again after a little commercial break.
21:13And, of course, for those of you who have just tuned in, it's Dame Edna Everidge, housewife superstar, mother megastar
21:19and millionaire.
21:19There is doing a bit of caring and sharing with a so-called celebrity audience.
21:26Yes, hello, darling.
21:28You are gorgeous too, aren't you?
21:30Thank you very much.
21:31And you're not the token person, are you?
21:33Oh, are you?
21:36What I'm doing is pre-empting the cynics, who'll say, oh, Dame Edna had a few little token tinted in
21:42the audience.
21:43Well, they say that sort of yucky thing.
21:46You media folk, you know what scurrilistical things they say.
21:51And we know you're not, though.
21:52I have got the odd token Caucasian hair.
21:57No names, no pactual.
21:58Yes, darling.
21:59And I love the way you've just hurled that thing across your neck.
22:02I'm learning from you.
22:03I love the little bit of the ice blue you're wearing, too, aren't you?
22:08Dame Edna.
22:09With a lady.
22:13Well, she's got the name right, anyway.
22:20Spit it out, darling.
22:27With a lady such as you are, I would say what you are if I was in Birmingham, but I'm
22:33in London.
22:34Do you ever get the time, a lady so busy, a Dame, to cook?
22:41Do you get the chance to cook?
22:43Oh, very little.
22:44I know you're a culinary expert, aren't you, darling?
22:46I've seen those little fingers rummaging and all sorts of things on my skin.
22:52I have...
22:53I don't cook much.
22:55It's sad.
22:56My domestic life has receded a bit.
22:58Heavens above.
22:59I've got the drives and juices of a housewife.
23:02I'm...
23:03I am a housewife.
23:04I am.
23:05I'm basically that.
23:06I'm not even a member of Actors' Equity.
23:07I shouldn't say that because this crew will probably walk out, won't you?
23:11You won't, though, because you adore me.
23:16No, I am liked.
23:17I am adored.
23:18I can say that, and it doesn't sound creepy, does it?
23:21Isn't that funny?
23:22The reason is it's true.
23:23That's the lovely thing.
23:24But I don't get much of a chance.
23:27I run up little snacks and things for myself.
23:30I'm into croissants.
23:31Croissants.
23:32They're the latest thing, you know.
23:33They're a little French invention, of course.
23:35But they're the very latest little Margot Hemingway looking at me.
23:40Look at your face as a picture, darling.
23:42And I'm sure...
23:44I'm sure our little grandfathers would have got on pretty well together, as a matter of fact.
23:48Oh, Grandpa Everidge liked a bit of fishing.
23:51Anyway...
23:52Scott Fitzgerald, he would have adored if you'd ever heard of him.
23:59People, I'm into them.
24:01But, uh, to return to your rather commonplace little question, though,
24:07I'm into croissants.
24:09Croissants, all kinds of things.
24:10Did you know they're in?
24:11They're the latest.
24:13Not even, perhaps they haven't come to Birmingham yet, but...
24:16You can put anything in them.
24:17I like kiwi fruit and Vegemite croissant.
24:21I don't like it.
24:22As a matter of fact, it's absolutely vile, darling.
24:25But no-one's ever had one before.
24:27And I think a little first.
24:29Sometimes it's amazing what people will choke down if they've never tried it.
24:32Isn't it?
24:33Think about that for a moment.
24:40Yes?
24:41Oh, that little gentleman next to Margaret.
24:43Yes, you were...
24:44Well, I was going to ask about your mother.
24:46How is she?
24:47Oh, my mother, she's a marvel.
24:49My mother, as you possibly know, is in a maximum security twilight home.
24:59She's in the only twilight home in the southern hemisphere with an electric fence, possibly.
25:05And she sits there.
25:07She does, Dennis.
25:08She sits there in her wheelchair, throwing Tupperware at the wire.
25:12She does, and the sparks fly.
25:15And then people drive for miles to see it.
25:18It's like satellites and things.
25:20It is.
25:23And, uh...
25:24Oh, it's absolutely beautiful.
25:26As a matter of fact, they've, uh...
25:28They've put my mother on a retainer and they've earthed her chair.
25:31She's brought...
25:32She brought business to the home.
25:34And that's what I call caring on an institutional level.
25:38But she is a wonder.
25:39She's been trying to tunnel out lately.
25:41She has been a bit sad since she's on the third floor.
25:46But she's been reading those coldest books and things of that kind.
25:50She's wonderful.
25:51Thank you so much indeed for asking.
25:55For asking about my mother because I'm very, very fortunate.
25:59And she's a marvelous person.
26:01You know, when she has moments of lucidity, she does.
26:06Yes.
26:08Dame Edna, we notice that, uh, round your neck, we...
26:12You have, um, what we know in England as the insignia of the campaign for nuclear disarmament.
26:17Does it have the same significance in Australia?
26:20Oh, yes, it does, darling.
26:21I wasn't sure what this little bauble was, as a matter of fact.
26:25I'm glad you've elucidated.
26:27But I think it does.
26:28I don't...
26:29Well, it's a little...
26:30Do you think it's a bit ostentatious?
26:32Not meant to be.
26:32No, not at all.
26:33No, no, no.
26:34No.
26:37I feel I should know you, too, somehow.
26:41I feel I should.
26:42Are you heavily disguised tonight?
26:47Goodness, I thought it was Lord Lucan at first.
26:52No, I did.
26:52I had a bit of sympathy with the Greenham girls.
26:54I was up there, you know, trying to get into their sleeping bags.
26:57But unfortunately, there wasn't enough room for me, but I hurled a few Sainsbury's pampers at them, out of the
27:04window of my limo.
27:05So I involve myself in quite a few active things.
27:08I'm busy on so many spectra.
27:11I'm busy on so many spectra.
27:12So many spectra.
27:17Correct me if I'm wrong.
27:22I was thinking about Norm, the question was...
27:25Well, we talked about my husband a little earlier, but you know, he's been inventing things in the hospital.
27:31It's been really remarkable.
27:32I first of all gave him a little bit of...
27:34He was knitting at first.
27:36They taught him to knit with his mouth.
27:40And they did, he was into oral socks for something.
27:44And then, a pair a day on five needles, not bad.
27:50But then, he's invented this wonderful new, it's a kind of state-of-the-art bedpan.
27:59I don't know a euphemism for bedpan, so I'm just going to have to say it.
28:04I suppose you'd call it an in-bed facility.
28:07But he's invented this, it's incredible, it's heat-seeking.
28:11It's a heat-seeking bedpan.
28:16Apparently, it's revolutionary.
28:18My husband could be sitting on a fortune.
28:20He couldn't.
28:22But the patent is pending.
28:23I think, you know, he could make a pile out of this invention.
28:26He could.
28:27He certainly struck pay dirt with it.
28:30There's loads of ways about it.
28:31So, in a way, my family life has quite revolutionised itself without my intervention whatsoever.
28:39My son, Kenny, of course.
28:40Bless his heart, little Kenny.
28:43He's been my favourite.
28:44It's wicked, in a way, for a mother to say that, isn't it?
28:47But he has always been a favourite of mine, Kenny.
28:50And he's had many jobs.
28:53He's been in the couture business for some time.
28:56As a matter of fact, he makes the dresses.
28:59He sometimes kisses me goodnight, his mouth still full of pins.
29:07But he could do anything.
29:08He was in the airline steward world for a little bit.
29:15And Qantas people.
29:16Then he went to the British Caledonian because he liked the tartan.
29:22Lately, he's been a scru...
29:23He's at the blood...
29:24Working at the blood bank in Australia at the moment, as a matter of fact.
29:27He's a...
29:29I don't know quite what he does.
29:31I think he's a scrutineer.
29:33I said...
29:34I said, Kenny, what exactly do you do?
29:36He said, I've been trying to tell you that mother for years.
29:40He said, but it takes one to know one.
29:42So I left it at that.
29:43I left it at that.
29:45You don't ask them too many questions, in a way.
29:47You don't.
29:48I remember that there were questions I wanted to ask my parents.
29:51And I felt a little reticence.
29:52Have you ever...
29:53Do you ever feel that spooky feeling that you couldn't?
29:55I did.
29:56And years later, I found a book called Human Growth.
30:00I did.
30:00It was tucked away behind some other books in my parents' home.
30:04And I thought, that's the book they wanted to give me.
30:05You know when I ask those little questions that we girls do ask?
30:08You know, about little things when your body starts changing?
30:11Mine is still in a state of flux, as a matter of fact.
30:15And Madge Alsop is in a constant state of renewal, you know?
30:20It's funny.
30:21She said to me that she'd bumped into Arthur Scargill at her cosmetic surgeons the other day.
30:25And it's such a coincidence, because she's having the hair removed from her upper lip.
30:30And it's been grafted onto his hair.
30:33It is.
30:34Isn't that spooky?
30:37So it's funny to think that...
30:39It's funny to think that a New Zealand bridesmaid's lip will be on a union leader's head, one of them.
30:49But, poor old Madge, she's had all this cosmetic surgery.
30:53She'd been landscaped.
30:56You know, they take tissue of part of the body that nobody looks at.
30:59In Madge's case, they use her face.
31:05She's sad.
31:05I support her, really.
31:07I do.
31:07I should give her a few things.
31:09I sit up there in first class there, passing down the B-Cal smoked salmon to her, poor love.
31:16Because I don't want to spoil her.
31:18Did her husband perish under tragic circumstances, Arthur?
31:23Let's see.
31:24Poor old Doug Alsop.
31:27He was taking a snap, as you're inclined to do, Dennis, on one of the little bridges in Rotorua in
31:33New Zealand.
31:34And he fell into a mud pool.
31:35And unfortunately, though there were a lot of strong swimmers around, none of them had had experience in boiling mud.
31:43Yes, David Steele, please.
31:45Well, I wanted to ask you, in view of your obvious charisma and perspicacity and your deep concern...
31:53If it's obvious, darling, why mention it?
31:57I have to think of a question.
31:58Your deep concern for other people.
32:01Have you ever thought of going into politics yourself?
32:04Yes, David, I have.
32:06I've...
32:09I have thought about it, particularly Australian politics.
32:12I've...
32:12It needs a...
32:14Well, how can I put it?
32:15It needs a person of refinement.
32:16Let's face it.
32:18Because we've got a few little rough diamonds there.
32:22And there aren't enough women in Australian politics.
32:25I have thought of it, but I can't put myself on the line like that.
32:30I...
32:30It...
32:30Look, it's too hard.
32:31You know yourself.
32:32Look at your fingernails, David.
32:34And you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
32:37On the face of it, you're relaxed, urbane, and gorgeous-looking.
32:40You're a bit dishy, as the younger generation would say, and raunchy, and a little bit on the spunky side.
32:54Oh, look.
32:55I'm sorry.
32:56My...
32:57My clutch bag keeps snagging with my...
33:01I've ladded this lovely frock just as well I can afford it.
33:06If you put it on that side, it'll only...
33:08The pantyhose will suffer.
33:11But, David, I have thought of it, but I just don't think I can keep it up.
33:16Incidentally, for those nails of yours, there's an old-fashioned remedy of my mother's.
33:21It might be a bit permissive for me to mention, but I suppose it's getting on in the evening now,
33:24and it won't matter.
33:25You know, dip your fingers in your own little jobs in the morning.
33:30Yes.
33:31Yes.
33:33I mean.
33:36Dip your fingers in that.
33:45Or if you can't...
33:47If you can't bear the thought of that, David, just go in the...
33:51Don't switch on the light.
33:52Just go.
33:54It'll all happen naturally.
33:56It will.
33:57And then, in the daytime, when you've got this paper or whatever little thing crops up in your life,
34:04you'll think it just as your fingers go at the end of the day.
34:08You'll think about it.
34:10You will.
34:11And then, if you pop your fingers in your mouth, there'll be something a bit spooky the matter with you.
34:17It will.
34:18It's an old thing, and my mother's got a lot of old things like that.
34:20She has.
34:21She's full of it.
34:22Full of it.
34:27There's your little wife, too.
34:29Hello, darling.
34:35Little Judy.
34:36Am I right?
34:37Judy?
34:38Is that a...
34:39Tell me the history of that frock, Judy.
34:43Is it...
34:47It's obviously an old favourite.
34:51It's lovely.
34:53Is it a furnishing fabric, Judy?
34:56Is it...
34:57You are very wise to remove the curtain rings, you know.
35:07There's some beautiful frocks here, and there's some interesting ones, too.
35:12There's a little girl there, and I'm lovely.
35:14I like touching.
35:15I'm very tactile.
35:16Is it all right for the cameras?
35:17Do they mind me wandering down here?
35:19I'm not doing it for any particular reason.
35:20It's sort of restlessness.
35:22I'm terrifically restless.
35:23Yes, I am.
35:24There's a little stroke.
35:24I want to give you a stroke.
35:26What's your name?
35:26Lizzie.
35:27Lizzie, and you're absolutely delightful, Lizzie.
35:30I like tactile as a word I've been using.
35:32I used it, ah, for long before the Sunday papers ever took it up.
35:36I used to say osmosis a lot, too, but I don't now when everyone uses it.
35:41You know, it's tarnished by usage, I feel, somewhat.
35:44But our old enemy on the wall is not our friend at the moment.
35:49Time is running out.
35:50I've been close to tears a few times tonight.
35:56I've had a lot of moods, and I've shared them with you,
35:59and I've been as frank as I possibly can.
36:01Michael, were you going to ask me something?
36:03Please.
36:03Michael Aspel?
36:05As one of the most enlightened and influential people of our time,
36:09do you ever feel just a moment of self-doubt?
36:13Self-doubt.
36:17I must say it's not easy to associate me with self-doubt, is it possible?
36:21I seem so upfront, don't I?
36:24I do.
36:25But you know, Dame Keurig, so many people in the world of entertainment
36:29and politics and religion, too, know that we all have our moments
36:33when we're on our knees and we're thinking,
36:35what's it all about, you know?
36:37Can I carry this on my own?
36:39Can't I share it?
36:42And I have those moments, I do.
36:45You've probed me, you've put your finger on it there.
36:49You know, since this little eminent musician, little Laurie Holloway,
36:54has seated himself at my Elizabeth Arden pink grand,
36:59I feel a song coming on.
37:04I'll just look over your shoulder and get the words.
37:08I suppose you think you know me pretty well now.
37:12And you can tell now what makes me tick.
37:17I'm not a mystery anymore.
37:19You've penetrated every pore.
37:23You know what turns me on and you know what makes me sick.
37:29Tonight I've been quizzed by some pretty rude and surly ones.
37:34And you've thrown me some curly ones below the belt.
37:40But I'm not the girl I seem and I just have to let off steam.
37:44Because it's time I told you how I've always felt.
37:49You can't judge me possums by the looks of me.
37:56You'd be amazed if you probed the vulnerable looks of me.
38:05You see, I'm shy.
38:09And ah, they lock these cameras in the eye.
38:13What a paradoxical bank of sound drummer.
38:18From the day I was born, I've been deeply withdrawn in hell.
38:26Don't have to force myself to come out of my shell.
38:30But I'm like Shirley Bassey and you'd never tell.
38:36That I'm shy, oh wow.
38:41What makes me quite so self-effacing?
38:45Like Paul McCartney, I'm almost a recluse.
38:50But when the public scream for more of me,
38:54Something in the core of me says,
38:57Come on, that end of what they use.
39:02Let's face it, some of you think I'm a cold, hard-voiced woman.
39:07But I'm here to say I'm a warm and fundamentally moist woman.
39:17Though I'm the rage, I hide the ventilate each time I go on stage.
39:24And I flush more than most women of my age.
39:29But would you still love me, minus my natural shining?
39:40The breath may fry, but sensitivity's a gift you cannot find.
39:47And now you know why I resemble Princess Di.
39:55Deep down and shine.
39:58Shine.
40:02Shine.
40:03Shine
40:16Thank you, Bob!
40:29What's up?
40:54Does that mean I'm in the common market?
40:59It is, is it audience?
41:01Flowers for you.
41:02Oh, you darling.
41:04You're enough, I don't need these blooms.
41:08You gorgeous man.
41:10Look at you, come specially to see me.
41:12Specially?
41:13Do you know I dream about you, Charles?
41:15I do.
41:16And you've got so much panache, you're so bold, you're so confident, aren't you?
41:22Not exactly, you know.
41:25Do I intimidate you?
41:26Look, as we say in French, I'm terriblement timid.
41:32You can see it because you know everything is pink here, but I'm pink too.
41:35You blushed?
41:35Yes, terribly.
41:37I'm...
41:38I'm shy.
41:41You're shy too?
41:42I'm shy, yes, I'm shy.
41:47And now could make me an extremely happy guy.
41:51I only wish I was an extra meter high.
41:55It would bold how you say dance in the old fashioned way, can we?
42:02I don't know about this, I'm shy.
42:05I'm shy.
42:07I'm shy.
42:07I'm shy.
42:08I'm shy.
42:08You are a lovely boy.
42:11Oh.
42:13This wasn't especially funny.
42:16Some people fight against their shyness.
42:19We, yes.
42:20Pretty Clenden boy George, to name a few.
42:24But as I recently told her, Royal Highness.
42:28Yes.
42:28I said, believe it or not, I'm shy too.
42:32But I must confess that I've felt slightly better since.
42:39This little Gallic possum helped me sublimate my natural reticence.
42:50So now, Lord, bye.
42:56We gotta act together and I'll break my heart.
43:01Oh, Lord, bye.
43:04And I know why we spend every thousand dollars.
43:09We come where the sun, sun, sun.
43:19Oh, Lord, bye.
43:21We come where the sun, sun and sun.
43:25Will you fly.
43:28And I die.
43:28When I die.
43:35Thank you, darling!
Comments