- 7 hours ago
Vladimir Episode 1 Engsub
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Short filmTranscript
00:25It has recently come to my attention that
00:27I may never again have power over another human being.
00:37My students who once fell over themselves to impress me
00:42now consider my teachings out of touch.
00:52My daughter who used to worship me now finds my entire personhood rather
00:58useless.
01:01And while it may be possible that a man might make a concession for me,
01:06I may not be the cause of the spontaneous erection ever again.
01:13As an older woman, truly what is more embarrassing,
01:16I will have lost the ability to captivate.
01:30Hello?
01:32I find this very sad.
01:34Don't you?
01:39What the fuck?
01:41What the...
01:41Sorry.
01:56We're making a harvest salad for the faculty retreat.
02:00It will be my 30th year at the college.
02:04And thus will be my 30th faculty retreat.
02:09But...
02:10I came in utero.
02:12So...
02:14It's a real fuck you salad.
02:16The kind that makes everyone a bit embarrassed about what they brought.
02:18Yeah, just that.
02:20This one?
02:20Yeah.
02:23There you go.
02:48Today might be fun, there is a bit of a sex scandal.
02:53Liaisons between a professor and his students.
03:01And as luck would have it,
03:04the professor in question happens to be my husband.
03:11Okay.
03:12And the Title IX situation.
03:16Andre, you have an update?
03:19Okay.
03:20Without beating around the bush.
03:23The number of accusers has risen to six.
03:26Six young women.
03:28Well, they're not as young anymore.
03:29And the number of signatures on the petition demanding for John's removal is...
03:34Wow.
03:35Over 1,000 with alumni support.
03:37What?
03:38When I was in college, I wanted to fuck all my professors.
03:42Old, young, male, female, but...
03:45I was too timid.
03:47As George Bernard Shaw once said,
03:50a firm ass is wasted on the young.
03:56Here we are.
03:59Did I tell you once I walked into his office ages ago,
04:03and boom, there was a girl with her bosom all over his face, like...
04:08What's that called again?
04:09Being a sexual predator?
04:11It was a different time.
04:12Was it?
04:13Sweetie, was it now?
04:14No, it was different.
04:16Guys, uh...
04:17Oh, waterboarding.
04:18No, it was not waterboarding.
04:19I think motorboarding is the correct term.
04:21What?
04:22No.
04:22It's motorboarding.
04:23I'm looking it up.
04:24Motorboarding.
04:25All one word.
04:25Folks, let's just nod.
04:30Okay.
04:31Let's go in.
04:34John's suspension will remain in effect until the hearing, date TBD.
04:39There's a report being, um, assembled.
04:41Uh, but I wanna congratulate David on stepping in as our chair so quickly.
04:46You're doing super.
04:47That's all for David.
04:49Go David.
04:50Motorboarding is the act of pushing one's face in between two ample breasts and rocking
04:54one's head side to side very rapidly while making a vigorous brrr sound.
05:01Oh.
05:02I present to you.
05:04Academia.
05:05Okay.
05:05There might be something in the...
05:06Oh, my friends.
05:06I'm so sorry.
05:08I had the wrong time.
05:09I can't believe it.
05:10We were just moving on.
05:11Carry on.
05:12Um, David, is there an extra chair or...
05:15Hey.
05:15Excuse me.
05:17Take mine.
05:19I forget.
05:20Have you met?
05:21Vladimir Vladinsky?
05:23Oh.
05:24Our, our new, um, assistant professor?
05:28Uh, no.
05:29No, we have not, uh, met.
05:32Please, sit.
05:33Oh.
05:34I'm fine.
05:35Well, I need to stand for my back.
05:36Plus, seniority.
05:39Well, I'll pretend you didn't say that last part, but, uh...
05:43Okay, and moving on.
05:46I, I meant from an employment standpoint.
05:48Oh, I'm joking.
05:49We still need two more volunteers for the Meckleburgs.
05:53How are your groceries?
05:54Oh, this is...
05:55Put away.
05:57Page six.
05:58Nice.
05:58The values of our English department.
06:00Be respectful.
06:01Bad luck to leave your back on the floor.
06:05Be concise.
06:06Maintain confidentiality.
06:08Engage constructively.
06:10Maintain perspectives.
06:11Any questions?
06:25Oh, they went crazy for my salad.
06:28Devoured it, so, uh...
06:30Ooh!
06:31David's Frito Pie.
06:34Do you want some?
06:35I'm no-go on gluten, unfortunately.
06:38Do you suffer from celiacs?
06:40My son's friend suffers from celiacs.
06:42Uh, more like body dysmorphia.
06:47Thank you again for the chair.
06:49Oh, it's my pleasure.
06:50They say sitting kills.
06:52Oh, so I've heard.
06:53Have you tried one of those standing desks?
06:56No, but I should.
06:57Shouldn't I?
06:57I don't know.
06:58Should you?
06:59Might be good for my quads.
07:00Oh.
07:01Uh-huh.
07:02Uh-huh.
07:03Um...
07:04How are you adjusting to life in the countryside?
07:07To be honest, I'm, uh, really struggling.
07:10Oh, my God.
07:12Oh, hey.
07:14Oh, my God.
07:15Uh, hi, hi, hi.
07:16Uh, I'm Cynthia.
07:18Oh, you're teaching for us too, right?
07:20Yeah, you've got one class.
07:22Hi.
07:22Uh, I fucking love your novel.
07:24Truly fucking formative.
07:27I've been so excited to meet you.
07:28Oh, well, I'm a big disappointment.
07:31Fun.
07:32Me too.
07:33Sorry, I would have been here sooner.
07:34But our daughter defecated inside of her clothing.
07:38Oh, no.
07:40I've been telling him that he has to read your book.
07:42Well, I haven't read his book yet, so we're even.
07:45Uh, it's not as good as yours.
07:46Oh.
07:48Well, why don't you come over for cocktails sometime this week?
07:51And we can swap copies.
07:53Mm-hmm.
07:53Both of you.
07:54Oh, yeah.
07:55I don't drink, but he loves to when I'm not around.
07:58Well, we don't have to drink.
08:00Oh, no, no, no.
08:00I very much, I want him to drink.
08:02It's, uh, it's good for him.
08:04Yeah.
08:05Oops.
08:05Oh, sorry.
08:06Sorry.
08:07May I borrow these two for one moment?
08:08Oh, yes.
08:09I'll send you an email.
08:10Okay.
08:11Yeah.
08:11Since Vladimir's full-time, uh, this will affect him more than you.
08:14There's just some 401k paperwork.
08:17What do you think she has?
08:20It's really unfair.
08:21It's a terrible position to be in.
08:23It feels so sick.
08:25Unconscionable that she doesn't say anything about it yet.
08:28But, you know, I guess it's not surprising.
08:31Don't you know?
08:33I'm worried about this.
08:40Be good.
08:45Hey.
08:46I have a question.
08:48I might have an answer.
08:49Did you actually see the report?
08:53Sure did.
08:55Will you send it to me?
08:59Please?
09:01Okay.
09:03Thanks.
09:05Oh, joy.
09:06I'm so sorry.
09:52it's very hard for me to understand how did you salt these yes consensual affairs that were fun
10:01not despite the power dynamic but because of the power dynamic could be thought of as hurtful or
10:08damaging after the fact you put something else on them human oh fuck as a fellow female i'm a little
10:17offended i want to tell these women that when they're sad it's probably not because of the sex
10:24they had and more because they spend too much time on the internet wondering what people think about
10:29them fresh meats to be clear john and i have always had an arrangement the kids today would call it
10:47an
10:47open marriage but without all the awful communication did they read my letter it didn't come up do you
10:54think you could deal with the compost before next sunday no move it along buddy they need to read
11:00the letter it's been 10 years since i even looked at a co-ed are we in the 1960s why
11:05are you calling
11:06co-eds oh and they're setting a date for the hearing good because i never broke the rules technically
11:12exactly exactly would you bring me a towel please
11:21you didn't answer um can you deal with the compost before next sunday maybe did you meet the new
11:28professors our replacements they're not our replacements let's hope anyway yes i met them
11:35they are young and fresh-faced and full of promise a little beat that at them glad the husband he's
11:41coming over for cocktails next sunday i can get a better read well sid's here oh damn it okay i'll
11:48i'll reschedule when sid comes mm-hmm with this whole thing let's not say anything to her
11:56look our daughter doesn't need to know about this whole the dinner on saturday salmon
12:03yeah i'll do it on the grill i'll get some fresh stuff from the farm stand we can use my
12:08lettuce
12:08it's almost ready to pick sure and make some pasta or something i can't eat just fish and veggies i'll
12:15waste away i'm considering giving up gluten please don't why not
12:26i don't want to talk to sid about it thank you
12:33i know this hasn't been easy for you i appreciate what you're doing that's all i'm saying
12:42such sentiment seriously look as far as i'm concerned i'm just doing what i've always done
12:55for years now john and i have been a golden couple on campus
13:02me the poetry scholar and charismatic chair and me the desperately sought after professor of creative
13:10writing and passionate instructor of the most popular class in the department
13:18what's up bitches women in american fiction a bit broad don't you think
13:27that was a pun
13:37two cappuccinos
13:38yes did you get soy soy thank you perfect dairy so um we were talking before
13:49and we did want to kind of say something oh yes that's what i want please sorry you're fine am
14:00i um
14:01we just wanted to um offer that you
14:08don't have to do the whole supportive wife thing
14:14wow okay say more oh like like we just think you're this hot brilliant lady
14:24like like like we think you're really hot yeah and um we just think you don't have to like stand
14:32by your man
14:36oh my dear dear friends my dear dear friends i am so flattered by your concern
14:57this man and i once had an affair in meetings if i was wearing the right pair of pants
15:04i could make myself orgasm just by looking at his profile
15:07just time can make things simpler if you know what i mean ready for action just about hey actually
15:17um i spoke to a group of students who said you met today um i just am actually concerned about
15:25them
15:25like they said they were really anxious talking to you okay just because like some like survivors are
15:32often not believed by enablers who are often older women david so i just think we need to be like
15:39really thoughtful of what we're putting the students through sorry were they anxious to speak to me or
15:44are they anxious after they spoke to me i didn't get confirmation on that when i hear anxious that's like
15:51noteworthy okay okay flo i know you're new i've been here for eight years so maybe you don't know how
15:56things work but i'm going to request that you not speak to me about this in unofficial ways for perhaps
16:01ever sorry is that okay and david do you think you could eat the snack food products that literally
16:07fell on the floor and eat louder hi hi ready for action we'll see where do they put you
16:16upstairs i got them in 406. oh my old office oh that's why the vibes are so good
16:33okay sorry i didn't mean to interrupt oh no no an interruption was exactly what we needed
16:42okay okay
16:43okay you have everything right mom
16:56Mom!
16:58Hi!
17:04Oh, you smell good.
17:07Let me look at you.
17:08Oh, you look so cool.
17:10Where's Alexis?
17:11She's coming tomorrow.
17:12On the train?
17:13She bought a car.
17:15How grown up?
17:16She's 35.
17:17You were 35.
17:18I was like eight.
17:18You had tenure.
17:19And now you're 27 and I just turned 40.
17:22It's incredible.
17:23Age jokes are lame, Mom.
17:27So, Alexis is starting to want to talk about having a kid.
17:32Oh.
17:33Yeah.
17:34Okay.
17:35I mean, you're awfully young.
17:37I'm like the same age as you were.
17:39But that was a different time.
17:40Alexis is already a geriatric pregnancy.
17:43Right.
17:43But for you?
17:44No, I know.
17:45In New York, I'd be like a teen mom.
17:47Might be kind of hot.
17:48A child is serious.
17:49I know.
17:50I was joking.
17:50Just because your partner wants something doesn't mean it's right for you.
17:54Mom?
17:54I like Alexis.
17:55I love Alexis.
17:56Please, just stop talking.
17:57I just don't think you should let her steamroll you.
18:00She's not steamrolling me.
18:01We're just talking about it.
18:03Why are you talking?
18:03I'm still paying your student loans, Jay.
18:05Okay.
18:06Mom, oh my God.
18:07I'm so sorry.
18:07I told you.
18:08Next time I'm just not going to tell you anything.
18:10So that is awesome for our relationship.
18:12Thank you, Mom.
18:13Oh, listen, honey.
18:14I'm sorry.
18:15I'm stressed.
18:16You're fine.
18:17Please don't tell me.
18:18I'm fine.
18:20Do you want to stop at the bakery with me?
18:23Can you just drop me off, please?
18:39A former student I had to fail.
18:54May I get a bouche de Noël?
18:55We only have the 12-inch.
18:57Oh, perfect.
18:59It's my daughter's favorite.
19:01She'll...
19:03She didn't come to class, and she didn't do the work.
19:06It wasn't personal.
19:11May I pay now?
19:12Can I box it up first, please?
19:14Of course.
19:15Take your time.
19:21Tap your card.
19:28Oh!
19:29I'm sorry.
19:30You're fine.
19:31Putting everything aside, I was like, where is your self-respect?
19:38It's like Greek theater.
19:40It's the Ore style.
19:40No, it's not.
19:41It's a family drama where every action sets off a consequence that then has to be reckoned
19:47with.
19:48What's more Greek?
19:49Caitlin is Clytemnestra.
19:50Chloe is Elektra.
19:52Where are the Furies?
19:53This is an amazing conversation.
19:54Imagine growing up with them.
19:55I love pop culture.
19:57Yay, pop culture.
19:58But it is not a Greek tragedy.
20:00I mean, the whole point of tragedy is taking something unwieldy and submitting it to a structure.
20:05Which is exactly what they're doing with the Kardashians.
20:07No, John.
20:07Something that is open-ended cannot be compared to a Greek tragedy.
20:10They're ontologically and phenomenologically opposed.
20:13Don't talk dirty to me.
20:14Ew.
20:15The definition of tragedy is a single, complete, and whole action.
20:18Look, here's the thing.
20:19Your mother cannot grasp evolving forms.
20:21What?
20:21Yeah.
20:22She's never been an independent thinker.
20:23Never been her strength.
20:24She likes stuff to be time-tested so that she doesn't have to actively evaluate it.
20:28Please stop.
20:29She wants everything to be Mr. Winstow, Lady Parson's glove.
20:33How scandalous.
20:34Stalking longed for Lily, but she died making hats, you know.
20:37His name is Selden.
20:38Why are you making fun of me?
20:40She's just stuck up there in her ivory tower.
20:41Well, at least I'm in the tower, John.
20:43At least I'm inside the tower.
20:45Unlike you, who is not in the tower, who is no longer allowed in the fucking tower.
20:49Because you took little girls into the tower.
20:52Hey, hey.
20:53What?
20:53Your father is suspended from teaching because he had sex with students.
20:58And I have to deal with all of his mess.
20:59People judging me, talking about me, students feeling anxious.
21:04And you can sit there and mock me.
21:07Guys.
21:08What do you have to deal with?
21:09You just want me to hang around long enough to get my pension and get the fuck out of your
21:12life.
21:12What's happening?
21:13Oh, that's right.
21:14That's correct, John.
21:15I've spent 30 years living with you and working with you.
21:18Mom.
21:19All I want on this whole blessed earth is to be alone.
21:22Stop.
21:22But now you're going to lose your pension because you got motorboated by a 21-year-old communications major.
21:29And I'm going to be stuck with you walking around my house with your low-slung balls.
21:34Hanging out of your goddamn shorts for the rest of my life.
21:37Stop!
21:39Oh, my God.
21:42I'm so sorry.
21:43Sweetie.
21:44It's, it's, it's not that bad.
21:47Babe, babe, babe, take a bath.
21:47I, I knew about it.
21:49You knew about it?
21:50Well, I mean, not specifics, but...
21:53We had an open marriage.
21:54Mom, what the fuck?
21:56What?
21:57I'm an only child, Ma.
21:58Ma?
21:59There were three of us in the house.
22:01And you just keep something like that from me.
22:04We, we talked about telling you.
22:06And you knew.
22:06He was fucking stued.
22:07Hey, hey.
22:08It was, it was not against the rules.
22:10You know who else vaguely knew something bad was happening?
22:12The freaking Germans in World War II.
22:14That is not an appropriate comparison.
22:17I'm leaving.
22:18But I bought a bouche de Noël.
22:19I'll take it to go.
22:20But I wanted some.
22:21Then fucking keep it!
22:23Just leave her a slice.
22:25Sid.
22:26Sid, honey, let's talk about this.
22:29What?
22:30Did you get the cake?
22:32Did you leave me a piece?
22:36Missy!
22:38This is unacceptable behavior!
22:41This is a $48 cake!
22:59Just get out of here!
23:03This is my house too.
23:04Find somewhere else to sleep tonight, John.
23:06Please.
23:06I'm serious.
23:07I'm done.
23:07It's over.
23:08No more supportive wife.
23:09No more staying in the course.
23:10It's over.
23:11I'm done.
23:12Calm down.
23:13Get the fuck out of here!
23:16Are you kidding me?
23:16I'm fine.
23:17Get out of here.
23:18Fucking maniac.
23:19Fine.
23:39Do you believe the novel is still relevant in our cultural discourse?
23:43I guess I often think about what Vladimir Nabokov said in an interview.
23:48He said something like, um, I don't wish to touch hearts.
23:52He just wanted me to be an engineer.
23:54So tell us what's next for you.
23:57I'm teaching, actually.
23:58And, uh, yes, as you said, my wife is also a writer.
24:03We met in Iowa.
24:04And, yes, there are huge benefits to that because we both understand the process.
24:08But, of course, with a young child, it also makes it really fucking hard because we don't
24:12knowing the whole world.
24:26That's why I leave a place.
24:27I'm smiling from the black community.
24:27Mm...
24:29Mm-hmm.
24:31Mm-hmm.
24:31Mm-hmm.
24:33Mm-hmm.
24:34All I want is a life free of complications.
24:43If I can't have power, can I at least be free from other people's trauma?
24:53Free from their behavior, free from their needs and their desires.
25:04Is that selfish?
25:07I've just come to the time in my life when I don't want to have to think about anyone
25:15else.
25:36Is this still a good time?
25:42She is Benedictine.
25:47She is addicted to me.
25:51She is the road connection.
25:55She is connecting with me.
25:59Here I go and I don't know why I feel so ceaselessly.
26:07Could it be he's taking over me?
26:16I'm dancing band, but heading for a spin.
26:24Some strange music draws me in, makes me come on like some heroin.
26:33I'm dancing band.
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