- 2 days ago
Drag House Rules Season 2 Episode 5
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
01:02Ladies, ladies, ladies, lease up those weeks and all of those vocal cords because this
01:09week you're giving pop star fantasy.
01:12That's right.
01:12You'll be performing a girl group to record an original track that will snatch the charts,
01:18the judges, and the hearts of the viewers around the world.
01:21But wait.
01:30Because we're not stopping there.
01:31After you lay down those sickening vocals, you'll be starring in a music video that brings
01:37your song to life.
01:38The queen with the greatest pop star potential will win immunity this week.
01:43Okay?
01:44But the decision this week is not mine alone.
01:48I would like you to welcome my special guests and mentors for this week's episode, choreographer
01:54to the stars, Andra Campbell, and record producer, Mikey McCoy.
01:59What's up, ladies?
02:02I'm so excited to work with you all, and I got some fire beats for your fire bars.
02:07Mikey and I are looking to see you all shine super bright in this challenge.
02:11Remember that choreography and synchronicity are important, but we want to see what makes
02:16you special.
02:18Who are they?
02:18I recognize Andra from Dancing with the Stars.
02:21I think the guy I recognize from DJing Claymore's pole parties.
02:26Hmm.
02:27Groundbreaking.
02:27Your recording session begins in one hour.
02:30Get your girl group on.
02:36Your hydrogenated water, m'lady.
02:37Oh, child.
02:39Do you really know how painful it is to do a job that you really don't believe in?
02:45Huh.
02:47Are you, like, asking me if I have any drive or passion towards the career I'm currently
02:52in?
02:52Well, I was journaling about this the other day, and honestly, yes.
02:56Like, I feel like every call sheet I staple or every LaCroix can I give to people or every
03:02even piece of trash that I pick up, it all just leads up.
03:11I feel like that was a part of my plan.
03:15Uh...
03:15Mikey, Mikey, listen, I'm really putting you on here.
03:18Please don't fuck this up.
03:20Bro, don't worry.
03:22I work with big personalities all the time.
03:25Listen, this just really needs to go well.
03:28It will.
03:30Okay, come here.
03:31Come here.
03:32No, no, let's do it.
03:33Last night, my sponsor gave me an amethyst crystal.
03:37Oh, I can already feel it working.
03:40Okay?
03:41Lock in, bro.
03:43Lock in.
03:46Are those cameras recording?
03:49Shit.
03:51Today, we're meeting with...
03:52What's his name?
03:54Mikey McCoy.
03:56Today, we're meeting with Mikey McCoy to lay our vocals for the girl group challenge.
04:02Hi, nice to meet you.
04:05Trinity!
04:0766X, bend it back like Exorcist.
04:09Yeah.
04:10That song is a bop.
04:11It's my song.
04:12Wait a second.
04:13You like to fuck, don't you?
04:17I suppose I do.
04:19Okay, amazing.
04:20Because we should lean into that.
04:21Sex positivity is totally trending right now.
04:23Oh, well, I actually prepared some lyrics based off of the backing track and I was...
04:30You can throw them.
04:31What?
04:32Yeah, let's build something together, like authentically.
04:37I don't think that...
04:39Babe, throw them.
04:40Set yourself free.
04:41But I really...
04:42Let's do it together.
04:43I...
04:43Let's do it together.
04:44Let's do it together.
04:47Ready?
04:50That was cool.
04:53Oh, my God.
04:54You're the Burger Finger chick.
04:57Great.
04:58You're a fan.
04:59Are you into, like, clown type shit?
05:01If you are, that's cool.
05:02But, like, goofy as fuck.
05:03You know what I mean?
05:04Okay, yeah.
05:05Burger Finger is a little goofy, but it's so much more than that.
05:08You know, it operates within an absurdist genre of camp that really subverts normative assumptions.
05:13Shh, shh, shh.
05:18Oh.
05:20Do you hear that?
05:22Do you hear that?
05:24That's an airplane, babe.
05:26It's you.
05:27Isn't that crazy?
05:29Uh-huh.
05:30Babe.
05:31Who is this Yahoo?
05:33Juju, he's my college roommate.
05:35Claymore.
05:36Listen, he's gonna turn it out, all right?
05:38Just let him go.
05:40Heidi, okay, you and me, we're vibrating at a higher level.
05:44Hi.
05:44Everyone else is vibrating.
05:45Guess where?
05:46Down here.
05:48Bottoms.
05:48Our chakras are firing all pistons.
05:52And we don't need words.
05:55Okay, so I'm thinking for you moans and whistles.
05:59Moans and whistles?
06:00Let's make you the siren of the song.
06:06Eww.
06:12Okay, so what's your deal?
06:14Like, what can I work with here?
06:16Well, I do sing.
06:19I have, like, arguably the most viral catchphrase from Drag Race, not in the drama.
06:24My name is a color.
06:27Okay, I'm gonna be real with you.
06:29You're, like, the last session of the day.
06:31Okay.
06:31And the song's already, like, taken on a theme and a shape.
06:34Okay.
06:35Um, what's the theme?
06:37Sex.
06:37Sex?
06:38Oh, gay sex.
06:39I'm sorry.
06:39How do you feel?
06:42Hungry, I guess.
06:43I didn't have breakfast.
06:47I'm finding it.
06:48Okay.
06:49No, I'm finding it.
06:50Hungry.
06:51Hungry.
06:51It's brewing.
06:52What's, like, a sexy food?
06:54Whipped cream.
06:56Whipped cream.
06:58Whipped cream.
06:59Whipped cream.
06:59Vaseline.
07:01Barney.
07:02Okay, it's brewing.
07:03Okay.
07:05Uh-huh.
07:06Landing gear spread.
07:08Hydraulics tight.
07:10Whipped cream.
07:11Vaseline.
07:11Slip and slide mess.
07:13Choke me out.
07:14Pull my hair.
07:17In a secundress.
07:19Two big birds.
07:21Fuckin'.
07:22Under runway lights.
07:23Okay, I can get into this.
07:26I like you.
07:27Some of the best songs in the world
07:28are made by complete idiots.
07:30Ah, ah, ah.
07:32Am I the drama?
07:34I'll show you instead.
07:36Uh, uh.
07:37I'm a filthy whore
07:39in your favorite shade of red.
07:41Uh, uh, uh.
07:46Um.
07:49Oh, lord.
07:50Ugh.
07:51That's what I'm talking about.
07:53Yeah!
07:53That's what I'm talking about.
07:55All right, let's go for one.
07:56It's amazing.
07:57Okay.
07:58I smell Grammy, to be honest.
07:59Do you?
08:00Do you smell that?
08:01I don't think that's what I smell.
08:02I keep reminding myself
08:04how I'm gonna win
08:06and this is all worth it.
08:10Right?
08:15Hey, quick question.
08:17Nope.
08:17Do you believe in the work
08:18that you do, like, spiritually?
08:19What?
08:20Girl, the only thing
08:22I believe in is banks.
08:24Hard cash.
08:25Check deposits.
08:26Speaking of deposits,
08:28when are you gonna get
08:28with the other PA?
08:29Augustus?
08:30No, girl.
08:31The craft service guy
08:31with the lazy eye.
08:33Look, I, it's so,
08:34I don't, I don't know
08:36if he likes me back, you know?
08:37What if it's all in my head?
08:38Girl, I literally saw him
08:39carving your initials
08:41into a block of Velveeta cheese
08:42during lunch.
08:43But, but, but,
08:44what if it, like,
08:44what, I can make it weird.
08:46You are already weird.
08:48What if it ruins our friendship?
08:49Friendship?
08:49This is a reality show sweatshop,
08:51not summer camp.
08:52And besides,
08:54the thought of you two
08:54getting together
08:55is the only thing
08:56that's bringing me
08:56join this hellhole.
08:57Oh?
08:59What are you wearing?
09:01Drain this?
09:03Gang that?
09:04It, it, it,
09:05Scarlett said that
09:06I should project
09:07a more openness.
09:09Advertising.
09:09Don't listen to her.
09:10She's very open.
09:11Oh.
09:12Yeah, STI.
09:13What, what does that spell?
09:14The gift that keeps on giving.
09:16Like the giving tree?
09:17Mm, wrong giving tree.
09:19Oh.
09:20Mm-hmm.
09:35Hi.
09:37What's up?
09:37Nelson.
09:38Just come and say hi.
09:40Cool.
09:40Well, you wanna,
09:41you wanna join me?
09:42Sure, yeah.
09:44What's up?
09:46You know,
09:46just chillin'.
09:47You smell good.
09:50I've been showering
09:51like three times a day.
09:52This fuckin' house is nasty.
09:53Yeah.
09:54Low-key,
09:55I would be so much more miserable
09:56without you here, though.
09:58Yeah, me too.
09:59You're like my emotional support.
10:01Bitch.
10:04Are you watching a movie?
10:06Uh, something like that.
10:08I was actually
10:09just about to, uh,
10:11jack off.
10:12Oh.
10:12You wanna join
10:14on this collab?
10:15Yeah.
10:16Yeah, if that's an invitation.
10:21Okay.
10:30Uh, what is this?
10:32This?
10:33Yeah.
10:33Oh, you haven't seen this?
10:34This is Goblin Cave.
10:36It's a classic.
10:39You're so worldly.
10:40I know.
10:41I'm literally doing so well.
10:44I have alliances with everyone.
10:46Like, everyone.
10:47Okay, cute.
10:48But when do the betrayals start?
10:53Betrayals?
10:53I mean,
10:54I don't know.
10:55I,
10:55I just,
10:56I feel like my alliances are good.
10:58I mean,
10:59especially the one with Plain.
11:00Like,
11:00I feel like that one is actually
11:03legit.
11:05Ooh.
11:06Yep.
11:07Okay.
11:08Wait, wait, wait.
11:09Can we please go back
11:09to the first two
11:10eight counts of this, please?
11:11Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
11:12Let's do it.
11:13I'm just gonna grab some water.
11:14Okay.
11:15Yeah, take a minute.
11:19Too old for this.
11:20Girl,
11:22I don't know how
11:22I'm going to embody
11:24this solo.
11:25What do you mean?
11:26Well,
11:27I call myself a whore
11:28like three times.
11:30Honey,
11:31you of all people.
11:32I mean,
11:32I know I'm a slut,
11:33but, like,
11:33I don't have
11:34a hip capacity
11:36for, like,
11:37a performance.
11:38Girl,
11:38this whole show
11:39got us all looking foolish.
11:40There ain't nothing
11:40professional about
11:41none of this.
11:43Bebe?
11:44Speaking of,
11:45here she comes.
11:46Bebe.
11:47Another
11:47handbag.
11:48Bebe.
11:48Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm.
11:50Bebe,
11:50look,
11:51we can't move
11:52the challenge performance
11:52inside.
11:53The pool deck
11:54is the only music video
11:55worthy space
11:56in the house.
11:57I told you,
11:57I have a chrysanthemum
11:58sensitivity.
11:59They make my skin
12:00itch
12:01like pigeon's asshole.
12:02We can have them removed.
12:04Right,
12:04Claymore?
12:05She's not gonna be
12:06sitting anywhere near-
12:06What kind of sadistic
12:07landscaper has been
12:08working here?
12:09We need you ready
12:10for host lines in 10.
12:11You know what?
12:11Let me go powder my nose,
12:13and by nose,
12:14I mean my whole existence.
12:17Oh.
12:19Go get her in 10 minutes.
12:20You go get her
12:21in 10 minutes.
12:22I don't work for you.
12:22I don't work for you,
12:24Jujubee.
12:24This is a lateral
12:25leadership structure.
12:27Fine.
12:28You can read her
12:29the bedtime story tonight.
12:30Wait,
12:31have you been doing that?
12:32Yes.
12:33With voices.
12:35Like this one.
12:37And this one.
12:38And this one.
12:39That is crazy.
12:41Ladies,
12:42come on,
12:43we have a lot of
12:43phrase work to learn.
12:44Let's go.
12:44Oh,
12:45gosh,
12:46she's so mouset.
12:47Yeah,
12:48but she's like
12:48kind of cunty now.
12:49Coming!
12:52Coming!
12:55And now,
12:57the moments
12:58we've all been waiting
12:59for,
13:00the top forecast
13:01of Drag House Rules
13:03presents
13:03their hit original song,
13:05Tuck and Slut.
13:08Come enjoy some
13:10inflate snacks.
13:12Come make me blush.
13:13Good girl,
13:14bad attitude.
13:16Stay tough,
13:17ladies.
13:18Ah,
13:21eat it up,
13:22queen.
13:22Sock on the beat.
13:24Ah,
13:26drag queens,
13:27fuck,
13:27tuck your slut
13:28all week.
13:29Landing gear spread,
13:30hydraulics tight.
13:31Two big jets
13:33touching tips
13:33all night.
13:35Pushback,
13:35cockpit,
13:36taxi to the dick.
13:37The captain in my lap
13:38for the whole damn trip.
13:40Fasten your seatbelt,
13:41my pussy's a jet.
13:43Button up,
13:44turbulence,
13:44wetter than wet.
13:45I'm the mile high mistress,
13:47first class freak.
13:48Got your stewards
13:49in the galley begging
13:50ma'am,
13:50please.
13:53It's really slutty,
13:54but really cool.
13:56I know.
13:57I'm giving a shot.
13:59Right.
13:59Drag queens,
14:00fuck,
14:00tuck and slut
14:01all week.
14:12Whoa,
14:13whoa,
14:13whoa.
14:13Whipped cream,
14:14max.
14:15Pull my hair,
14:16choke me out
14:17in a sequined stress.
14:18I'm the mother of the house
14:20with the freshest refrain.
14:21Got upgrade on upgrade
14:22with the name
14:23is Lizette.
14:24New body,
14:25who's she?
14:25New curves,
14:26who's this?
14:27I'm a premium edition
14:28you could never dismiss.
14:29Got a plot to
14:30kinky body but my brain runs a show surfing season perfection only legends would know
14:35am i the drama i'll show you instead i'm the filthy whore in your favorite shade of red
14:46crimson lips ruby nails flaming hot to my core every shade of red screams scarlet is a whore
15:00eat it up queen suck on the beat track means fuck five six seven eight
15:35all week
15:38four of you performed tonight but one was a cut above the rest so tonight's immunity
15:49oh my gosh i just swallowed a bug juju b b b b you're so close juju i'm done patay
16:06patay yes ma'am patay grab me my bags and give me a car i'm done pd no wait wait
16:14yes pd
16:15patay pd patay pd pd pd pd pd pd no pd pd pd don't do it bitch don't be tempted
16:27don't
16:27tempted pd pd pd you're on the same team pd
16:33traitor you know what juju juju all of this all of this you told me it was going to be
16:38a high
16:39in production but you know it's none of the sort it's not a coup de gras it's not the cherry
16:43on top
16:43and it's definitely not a cat's meow you know what you suck he sucks they suck all of this sucks
16:49so you can have it bb overrated bb and make sure my check clears it
17:02she can't just leave she can't do that there's nothing we can do well what about the contract
17:08aren't you like the president of exploitative talent agreements not anymore reformed
17:13unfortunately without a host we're nothing it's over rock paper scissors to see who calls the
17:22network oh no that's all you this is your show bb please come back bb bb bb please
17:39wait what are we gonna so are we just supposed to stand here until someone tells us to stop
17:45i mean yeah like my ankles are fossilizing girl i guess no one's going home this week
17:50well shit what level of hell is this
17:59well you want to fuck my cum gutters and bust a nut in my pussy hole uh sure
18:10i'm gonna get you oh my gosh no stop it you're not in my new word you're so silly
18:16bitch don't fuck with me bitch bitch oh it's a sword fight yeah ho get on the fucking bat
18:23i'm gonna lie and call you bitch okay okay okay you dirty you've been a naughty naughty
18:28oh yeah is it a naughty naughty boy oh i'm so bad you've been a naughty naughty boy
18:32oh i'm so bad oh yeah oh yeah oh you've never looked more sexy
18:39yeah shut the fuck up shut the fuck up you big fucking man
18:44oh no yeah i'm gonna punish you yeah you've been a very bad boy i'm gonna fucking punish you
18:51i'm so bad yeah i'm so bad yeah you look okay marco polo
18:56marco polo
19:00marco polo
19:01marco
19:05marco polo
19:06polo marco
19:06polo
19:07shut up
19:08marco
19:09what is that Matt
19:10uh y'all need to calm down one of us has to be gorgeous in the morning i need my
19:14beauty sleep
19:15Wait, the fuck?
19:17This is my God.
19:18I pray to this.
19:20This is my icon, my religious icon.
19:23And I pray to it just like this.
19:25Please bring prosperity.
19:28I give it a little kiss.
19:29Bring prosperity, joy, and light into my life.
19:33Mm, mm, and it helps to really,
19:35really give it a little smell too.
19:39You can find this at blushvibe.com.
19:44It's really practical, well-shaped, slick, easy to clean.
19:49You know, it's a rattlesnake, so it's
19:51got the balls on the end and stuff.
19:53It actually makes for a really good vibrator.
19:56You just put it on your face and just, it helps relax.
20:00It's like for the lympho, what's that?
20:01Lympho, it's lympho, lympho, lymphomic.
20:04It helps with the, it actually feels kind of good, actually.
20:08Honey, you put it in your booty hole.
20:10You let her do like a rattlesnake, honey.
20:14Just go up in there, you know.
20:18Maybe you don't use it for your booty hole.
20:20Maybe put it in your mouth, you know.
20:21Hey,darlelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelethelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelele
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