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00:00I am a student. I don't want to do a medical.
00:03They are not allowing me to prepare for NEET PG.
00:06Why are you wasting your time?
00:08Life cannot be controlled by anybody.
00:10So the end of the student career is a period where you're supposed to do deep reflection.
00:14Like maybe what your career calling would be somewhere.
00:18So London or Bangalore.
00:20What about the preceding stage? So when there's no offers.
00:22I have a great job, but that job requires me to relocate to Europe.
00:28This is a false dilemma.
00:30If I wanted to play at tennis, if I wanted to become a badminton player and wanted to represent India,
00:36only and only if I hit to the community standard, then only they will let me to go out.
00:42How are they stopping you?
00:44They are stopping me because they are...
00:48But then you also value being close to your family, taking care of your elders, of your loved ones.
00:55I have my ageing parents in Bangalore or Mumbai.
00:58Okay. So what do I choose?
01:00This is a...
01:03Because...
01:04Because...
01:05In negative way, they will start demolishing my character and they will...
01:10Like you are not...
01:11Show me your character.
01:14Show me.
01:15What do you mean by character?
01:16What exactly is it?
01:24Sir, everyone of us are a traveller and we are travelling and even before we started travelling the ideas are
01:34implanted inside us and most of the implanted ideas are depending on the power.
01:41Like if you started going to become this person in future, then you will be holding a power and then
01:49whatever you will decide, the society will help you to do that.
01:54I wanted to put it in a different way.
01:56For example, I am a student and I don't wanted to do a medical but I wanted to do something
02:03in the NGO.
02:03But the society consider a medical student more power means if you are a doctor, they will give you more
02:12power or more respect because the society is getting more benefit.
02:16Not from the NGOs, then they will help you if okay, if you don't want to get married, okay, don't
02:22get married.
02:23Otherwise, it is difficult.
02:25But if a girl, me, wanted to have a bicep or if I wanted to play a tennis, if I
02:30wanted to go become a badminton player and wanted to represent India as a gymnast or as any game for
02:41foreign countries,
02:42then only and only if I hit to the community standard, then only they will let me to go out.
02:49Otherwise, if I am an average student and if I am not up to the society's remark, then they will
02:57not let me do the things which like add colors in my life or my experiences.
03:05How do they stop you? You must be 5 feet 5, 50, 60 kg something, right? 25 plus minus something,
03:17probably earning as well or about to earn.
03:21How exactly? That's what baffles me. Does somebody succeed in stopping you? You tell me that first.
03:30Sir, the point is, they are telling me, okay, if you are becoming a doctor, the society will respect you.
03:38I got that. That's not the answer. That's what they are telling you. I am asking you, how are they
03:44stopping you?
03:49They are stopping me because they are paying for the tennis court piece.
03:57That's what they are saying.
04:00That's what they are saying.
04:00So why do you have to depend on others for basic things like these?
04:06You are in this city where the per capita income is much more than in fact twice that of any
04:14other metropolitan area,
04:16including Mumbai and Delhi NCR.
04:20This area is flush with opportunities and possibilities.
04:24And for a simple thing, like paying your court or coach fee, you have to depend on somebody.
04:32Isn't that a self goal?
04:34Isn't that a self inflicted handicap?
04:39Yes, sir.
04:40So are the others dominating you or are you presenting yourself to be dominated?
04:47No, sir. Actually, from 11th and 12th, I am starting taking tuition when I am studying.
04:53But still, they wanted me to take something which is approved by them.
04:59That's what they wanted.
05:02That's the respect they would give.
05:06How does that stop you?
05:10There is a difference between the external happening and the internal impact.
05:19The external happening, I understand they are saying we respect you only if such and such condition is met.
05:25Right?
05:26That's what they are doing or saying or offering.
05:29But how is it that you are being stopped?
05:32Do you see that these two can be independent of each other?
05:38Yes, sir.
05:39Can you see that?
05:40Yes, sir.
05:41Can you see that?
05:42Yes, sir.
05:42Ask me to put the mic down.
05:46Tell me.
05:48Tell me, please.
05:50Sir, please put the mic down.
05:52Order me.
05:53Order me.
05:54Please put the mic down.
05:55Order me.
05:57Put the mic down.
05:58I won't.
06:03Now.
06:04Now.
06:05No, no, wait.
06:06Put that racket down.
06:09Put that racket down.
06:11And you obey.
06:13That's the problem.
06:16Somebody tells you to put the racket down.
06:18Why do you put the racket down?
06:20If you really know and if you really love, the racket has to stay this way.
06:26Yes.
06:26In fact, the racket can be used for other purposes also.
06:33But in negative way, they will have started demolishing my character and they will, like, you are not…
06:41Show me your character.
06:43Show me.
06:44What is it?
06:45A thing?
06:47A garment?
06:48A molecule?
06:49A book?
06:50What is it?
06:52What do you mean by character?
06:53What exactly is it?
06:56And if it is not something material, how can somebody demolish it?
07:00What kind of bulldozer can bring down something that is not even material?
07:06What do you mean by character demolition?
07:08And if it is your character, how did they get access to it?
07:14Where did you leave it?
07:18Where did you leave it?
07:19Because if… means…
07:21So that's what they have said.
07:24Yeah.
07:25How does that stop you?
07:33They stopped me by shutting the door and said, okay, get out.
07:38If you are not obeying me, just get out of my house.
07:42So they are entitled to do that because that's indeed their house?
07:47And how old are you?
07:48I am 25.
07:50That's a lot.
07:52Why do you still have to stay in somebody's house?
07:57If I started taking my…
07:59Like whatever I am earning and I am starting renting some house outside and doing everything absolutely by my own.
08:07Yes.
08:08Then the girls, like my cousins and all, they will be set with an example.
08:17That's what they will tell your cousins.
08:28So it's my cousin's problem.
08:30Why must your cousins listen to that?
08:33Second thing.
08:33Even if your cousins do listen to that, why must that stop you?
08:41Because I am craving for that.
08:43Yes.
08:45So the real problem is not the one you stated.
08:48The real problem is that you are psychologically dependent.
08:52And that is not something that they have enforced on you.
08:57That is your own choice.
08:59And only you can reverse that choice.
09:01Yes, sir.
09:02Right?
09:03Do that.
09:11Sometimes if you talk to them nicely, they may also agree and change their mind.
09:17Yes, sir.
09:18I tried a lot.
09:20I wanted to explore a lot of things.
09:24I wanted to learn Bharatanatyam.
09:26Although I am a badminton player and I fought a lot with my parents just to allow me to have
09:33a proper coaching and all.
09:35But after that, okay, I fought and I'm paying the fees by giving the tuitions to my juniors.
09:41But even after that, they are not allowing me to do Bharatanatyam.
09:45They are telling me, okay, you are a medical student, you have to prepare for NEET PG.
09:51Why are you wasting your time in the NEET PG preparation?
09:54If you are not 100% to your present and giving your time to all these things, then you won't
10:00succeed.
10:01Well, you already said you are allowing them to declare people.
10:03You are allowing them.
10:04And see, the thing is, even if what they say indeed has a point, even if there is some substance
10:10in what they are ordering you or how they are advising you,
10:15it's your own clarity that must be the final judge, your own discretion.
10:22So, the other one, be it your parents or sir or this person, they must have a Lakshman Rekha.
10:32This is what somebody else can tell you.
10:36And that's fine.
10:37You must seek the company of wise people, as sir said, and that's all very fine.
10:41But ultimately, ultimately, it's between you and you.
10:46And only your eyes, your clarity has to be the final arbiter, the final judge.
10:52And that power, you should never hand over to anybody.
10:57Yes, sir.
10:59Thank you, sir.
11:02Hi, hello.
11:04So, at the end of the student career is a period where you're supposed to do deep reflection.
11:09And maybe assume that you found your values, you found maybe even your inner calling.
11:15But some of these things can be conflicting, like maybe what your career calling would be somewhere.
11:24But then you also value being close to your family, taking care of your elders, of your loved ones.
11:30So, these things need to be like, they can find an equilibrium, they can conciliate themselves.
11:39But at the same time, there's some stuff that's out of your control.
11:44So, for instance, the potential jobs that you're offered, or just the things that you can do after you end
11:51your student career.
11:53So, my question is, how do you conciliate that? Because there's, of course, a lot of confusion.
11:58Do you just surrender to the confusion and wait for the inspiration to act in an aligned way?
12:05Or do you rather continue to delve into the reflection, at risk of going into overthinking?
12:15You see, the answer may not present any dramatic insights.
12:24But then life is not even supposed to be dramatic, or even necessarily heroic.
12:35Once you are certain that what you have for your family members is love, not obligation,
12:48and what you have for your job is deep attention and not greed,
13:01then you can allow the situations to dictate the action.
13:09It sounds very unvedantic.
13:12We will allow the situations to dictate the action, but aren't we supposed to be always in control?
13:18No. Your job is to not allow the wrong thing to be in control.
13:26And after that, there is the flow of life, simple and ordinary.
13:34But that's easier said than done, because the conflict that you are talking of, let me pick that one up.
13:40There is this particular job, I am fabricating it, because that's a usual kind of dilemma.
13:47I have a great job, but that job requires me to relocate to Europe.
13:53Whereas, I have my aging parents in Bangalore or Mumbai.
13:58And I do have an offer that would place me at Bangalore or Mumbai.
14:03On the other hand, there is a much better, better in the conventional sense, a better offer that places me
14:09in London.
14:11So, what do I choose?
14:13This is a false dilemma.
14:16Because we are stating it as if it is between London and Mumbai.
14:24Whereas, the fact is, what draws me to London is not love for the work, but greed for the money.
14:32At the same time, that does not make Mumbai victorious.
14:37It is equally possible, what draws me to Mumbai is not love, but tradition and obligation.
14:45Or even fear of the society, what will they say?
14:48He neglected his old parents and fled to London.
14:52So, I have to be clear on these counts.
14:55And once I discount the possibility of fear and greed and obligation and ignorance being present,
15:05then let life decide it for me.
15:08And I don't need to be necessarily heroic.
15:13Fine, this job I have taken, some other time that job I will take.
15:18My task is not to determine the right job, the right action, right this, right that.
15:23You see, we are very little beings.
15:25We are like drops in the ocean.
15:29So, the whole will command this little fragment.
15:33And that is definitely going to happen.
15:34We don't decide our age, our gender, our placement.
15:38We don't decide the diseases we will get.
15:40We don't decide our genetic makeup.
15:42We don't decide practically any macro thing about ourselves.
15:45So, it's alright to be tossed around in life.
15:49It's alright to be not at the mercy of life, but in the lap of life.
15:55But in the lap of life.
15:57Let life do it for you.
15:58Your job is not to necessarily be in command or control.
16:02Your job is to ensure that the wicked one inside is not active.
16:08Are you getting it?
16:09Your job is not to determine the right action, but to ensure that whatever action there is, is not coming
16:15from a false and very random and ugly kind of center.
16:20After that, anything is possible.
16:23Most of the times when we present, I repeat, when we present a problem, the real problem is that the
16:30problem presented is not the real problem.
16:33The real problem is that to hide the real problem, we present a false problem.
16:39You know, these are the mechanisms of the ego.
16:42It will say the choice is between A and B, whereas the fact is that A and B might both
16:48be representations of the same kind of ignorance.
16:52So, choose A or choose B, you still remain equally ignorant.
16:57The real problem is somewhere else, therefore a false problem is often just constructed to distract, to distract.
17:07Take care of the real problem, take care of the inner entanglement and then let life do it for you.
17:15Let life be a flow.
17:16I might miss the flight tonight, that's fine.
17:19I can't always be in control.
17:21There is so much happening inside our bodies.
17:24If we all get ourselves thoroughly checked, sir, this moment itself, I'm pretty sure at least a couple of us
17:31will be in for a root shock.
17:34Some disease might be brewing inside the body, that's life.
17:38That's the whole deciding it for you.
17:41You can't do anything, the EQI is just so bad.
17:43You haven't done that, but that will have an impact on this body, that's fine.
17:47That's fine, you are a part of the whole.
17:49If the whole is acting, if the whole is acting and your decisions are coming in relation to your environment,
17:57that's not necessarily bad.
17:59The problem is when your actions are arising from a distorted centre within, from a deception within.
18:06Just ensure that is not happening, and then leave the rest.
18:20Just ensure that is not happening, and then leave the rest.
18:24But what about the preceding stage?
18:28So when there's no offers, there's just the confusion.
18:31So you have the values, you have the callings, but you need to start acting to get to the choices.
18:37At the same time, you kind of want to go with the flow.
18:41This is a situation I've been through, this is a situation I've discussed, experienced.
18:48It is never that one does not have any offers, graduating from a place like Sam Bangalore.
18:55It's just that one doesn't have the offers one likes.
19:02We set certain cut-offs and say, if I don't get anything above that cut-off, then I'll say I
19:09don't have anything.
19:10The fact is, the conditions have been imposed by you on life.
19:15Why are you imposing those conditions?
19:17You are educated, you are energetic, right?
19:21You are young, you are healthy, you know the world.
19:25How is it possible that the world holds no possibilities, no positions for you?
19:31Is it possible, please tell me?
19:33But then we restrict the area of our action.
19:39We say, unless I get an offer that places me in a metro, unless I get an offer that gives
19:49me a designation beyond a certain level,
19:53unless I am paid something beyond a self-determined threshold, I will say I don't have an offer.
20:01Is it real? Do I really don't have an offer?
20:03Well, there are so many deserving organizations in severe want of qualified manpower.
20:14How is it that there is a vacancy there, a crying vacancy there, and here we have a qualified person
20:22saying, I don't have an offer?
20:25Do you see? I mean, this doesn't quite add up.
20:29It simply means that positions do exist, opportunities do exist.
20:35But we have prevented ourselves from accepting them because we have a certain image of the right kind of job.
20:44And unless the job available fits into the peg that we have created, the hole that we have created, we
20:56will say I don't have anything.
20:58Now the hole that you have created might have a very peculiar shape.
21:02But you are insisting that the job must carry an equally peculiar shape and only then you will call yourself
21:12lucky or benefited.
21:16That's too harsh, too strict a condition.
21:19Don't impose so many conditions on life.
21:22The only conditions that you must impose must be on yourself.
21:26Life cannot be controlled by anybody.
21:28The only control that we can have is on our own center.
21:33And after that, let life flow.
21:36Don't care so much about what will happen next.
21:38That's the nishkam karma of Gita.
21:42And that's the essential output of any serious philosophy.
21:47You cannot control life.
21:49It is much bigger than you.
21:51The part cannot control the whole.
21:54Hmm?
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22:54Umm ...
23:02You just gets rid of your staff like creator.
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