00:05It was Tuesday. April 20th. It was fair in Los Angeles. We were working the day watch out of
00:09juvenile narcotics. A powerful new drug capable of producing weird and dangerous hallucinations
00:14had found its way onto the streets of the city. Better get over there in a hurry. Right, Skipper.
00:18Woman who phoned in the complaint said the kid was painted up like a wild Indian. Yeah? Sorry,
00:21wild Native American. Can't get used to that. Said she'd never seen a kid do what this kid was
00:25doing. What's that, Skipper? Smoking the bark off a tree. It took us four and a half minutes
00:32to reach the vacant lot where the strange behaving juvenile was reported to have been seen.
00:38I am so high. Stand still. Are you guys hungry? I am so hungry. What time is it? Can we
00:47get
00:47a pizza? Are you in mash? I want some pizza is what I was going to say. Can we get
00:53some?
00:53You guys are old. What's your name, son? Oh, I knew. I always know this, but right now I don't.
01:00Come on now. What's your name? It's because I took my medication, which made me forgetful,
01:04and then I took it again, which reminds me, though, that I actually need to take my medicine again.
01:09He's clean, Joe. Except for this. It's time to. And there it is. Thank you. That's my medicine.
01:22All right, son. You're under arrest. It's our duty to advise you of your constitutional rights.
01:26You have the right to remain silent, and any statements you make may be used against you in a
01:29court of law. I actually need my medication again. You guys, have you seen it? I had it,
01:33and then I don't. You have it now. Can I have it? I need it. Come on, son. If you
01:39don't let me have
01:39it, I get bummed out, and when I get bummed out, you guys won't want to be around me at
01:43all.
01:43Yeah, we know. Come on. Give it! Sorry. Can I have my... Give me my medication,
01:48Colonel Potter-looking motherfucker! Come on, son! Settle down! Ow! All right. I'm sorry. I got upset.
01:564.20 p.m. We took the subject to the narcotics unit. He appeared to be a little calmer,
02:01but it was impossible to tell if the effects of the drug were substantially wearing off.
02:05He would not tell us what drug he had taken. He still refused to give us his name. Once again,
02:09we advised the subject of his constitutional rights. Look, I know my rights, all right? I don't need a
02:15lawyer, and I don't want a lawyer, unless it's a lawyer with a powdered wig, because that'd be pretty
02:21cool. That'd be funny. Hey, and what I did is not against the law. There's a law against public
02:26intoxication. I don't believe there is, because I have a prescription for a condition that I possess.
02:33So why don't you get your dick, take it out of his pants, and put it in my mouth. His
02:40mouth.
02:41You're pretty high and far out, aren't you? What kind of kick are you on, son?
02:44Oh, I don't know. The legally prescribed by the state of California kick. That one. Oh,
02:50here's another kick for you.
03:02Fuck you.
03:11Take whatever the hell he's smoking down to the crime lab.
03:16Bill and I took the drug found on the subject to the Scientific Investigation Division in downtown
03:20Los Angeles. We talked to forensic chemist Ray Murray. We filled him in on the subject's appearance
03:25and his behavior pattern. Tell us about the stuff, Ray. It's a relatively new strain of medical
03:29marijuana, developed by the followers of a terrible rock band called Fish, street name
03:34Larry in the Sky with Diamonds. It's like pot on acid, on steroids, with an attitude from hell.
03:41Now it's showing up in medical marijuana dispensaries on the streets of L.A.
03:46Is it habit-forming?
03:47It's relatively harmless. And that's what makes it so dangerous.
03:51Hard to believe.
03:52It so happens that I smoke medical cannabis from my fear of hay fever.
03:55And I am outraged. Individuals are ingesting this drug for what can only be described as
04:02recreational use.
04:03And as of now, there's no law covering the sale and use of Larry in the Sky with Diamonds.
04:08With the number of cases coming through this lab, those ass-dragging girocrats up in Washington
04:12had better get their shit together and pass a goddamn law.
04:15Yeah.
04:16Yeah.
04:17Yeah.
04:18Yeah.
04:19Yeah.
04:19Yeah.
04:264.20 PM. The subject's case was heard in the Los Angeles County Courts building.
04:31There was no law covering possession of the drug.
04:33The subject was placed on probation and released.
04:39Thanks for the light, pig.
04:47April 20th.
04:48Six months went by.
04:49Larry in the Sky users were increasing at an alarming rate.
04:52By now, the users had established their own language.
04:55The drug itself was now called the ticket.
04:57The ghost.
04:58The beast.
04:59The chief.
04:59The hawk.
05:004.20 PM.
05:01Bill and I reported in for work like any other Wednesday.
05:06State and federal, you're in business.
05:08In the California book, you'll find it on page 420.
05:10Larry in the Sky with Diamonds is now considered a dangerous drug.
05:13When does the law go into effect?
05:15Right the fuck now.
05:16Go get them, Joe.
05:17Go get those fucking hippies.
05:21Well, what are you waiting for?
05:22Get going.
05:23Get going.
05:26It had been six months since Bill and I first picked up the subject.
05:29During all those months, the name Green Boy kept turning up in arrest reports as a major supplier of Larry
05:35in the Sky with Diamonds.
05:36Picked this one up in the Third Street Tunnel smoking Larry in the Sky.
05:39His name's Teddy Carstairs.
05:41It's from my glaucoma, okay?
05:43I swear.
05:44Not anymore, it isn't.
05:45Who's your travel agent, Teddy?
05:47I told you already.
05:48Tell us again.
05:49I don't know.
05:50Some guy, all right?
05:52You said you'd talk to us, Teddy.
05:54Now talk.
05:54Well, guess what?
05:55My dad's a lawyer, so maybe I know better than to say a bunch of stuff to a bunch of
05:59guys like you.
06:01Listen up, you little punk.
06:03Joe and Bill here think we should chop your balls off, feed them to the police dogs, dump your body
06:07in the L.A. River.
06:08I, on the other hand, am not a sick maniac.
06:11These two over here, I think we should give you a chance to talk to us.
06:13I got it from Green Boy, all right?
06:16He's got blonde hair.
06:17He's got a pot leaf around his eye.
06:19First name's Green, last name's Boy.
06:20You willing to testify to that?
06:22What do you mean?
06:23Do you mean you want me to suck on your dicks?
06:25I'll suck on them.
06:26Are you telling us yes?
06:27Is that a yes for you?
06:30I'm not being coy here.
06:31Serious, I'll suck a dick.
06:354.20 a.m.
06:36Bill and I showed mug shots to the sheriff's deputies who patrol the Sunset Strip.
06:40A couple of them thought they recognized him, but they weren't sure.
06:44Sandy?
06:45Edna May, what's happening?
06:46Oh, not much.
06:47A couple of handjobs and some hummers.
06:49Kind of a slow knife.
06:50Been behaving yourselves?
06:51Settle down, Billy Boy.
06:53And no more free spankings.
06:55You gonna pay that tab you've been running up?
06:57No.
06:58Okay, then we're out of here.
07:00Yeah.
07:00Let's go to that party in the hills at the pot collective.
07:03Yeah.
07:04We know for a fact Green Boy is there.
07:06He's there right now, smoking Larry in the sky.
07:10Do you have the address?
07:11Well, look, we're suddenly all business when they need something.
07:13Okay.
07:14Okay, but it's gonna cost you.
07:16Nobody gets a free ride.
07:19It's about time somebody tried, don't you think?
07:21I'll fuck you!
07:22Good shit!
07:254.20 a.m.
07:27Bill and I drove up to the address given us by the girls.
07:30It was in the Hollywood Hills.
07:31It was an old house that had seen better days.
07:57Look at that, Joe.
08:02Larry in the sky with diamonds.
08:06Hey, man.
08:07Hey, get on that shot, man.
08:09Larry, get on that shot, man.
08:10All right, hold it down.
08:11Hold it.
08:12Stay right where you are.
08:13Quiet!
08:13Freeze!
08:14Police officers, you're under arrest.
08:16All of you, kick your hands in the gravesite.
08:17You, on your feet.
08:18I have a prescription.
08:21Now, you have the right to remain silent,
08:22and any statement you make may be used against you in a court of law.
08:25Now, do you understand that?
08:27I understand it, man.
08:28Well, fine.
08:29Suppose you climb down off of there and come over here and talk to me.
08:35Talk to me about Green Boy.
08:36Green Boy rode off into the Sunset Man,
08:38and he took all the Larry in the Sky with him because he's a Bogard.
08:42Is he coming back?
08:44I don't know, man.
08:45Maybe he went down the hallway to find a new bong,
08:48as is his right under the Compassionate Use Act of 1996,
08:51as passed by California voters.
08:52And don't get me started on industrial hemp,
08:55because that's an argument you won't win.
08:58Suppose you go over there and sit down.
08:59Or I suppose I could go over there and sit down.
09:02Bill.
09:05I'll cover the window, Joe.
09:06All right.
09:20Police officer, what's your name?
09:22Teddy Carstairs, remember?
09:24You said you wanted to chop my balls off?
09:28Who is Joe?
09:29That's Green Boy's medicine.
09:31He's been smoking it all day.
09:33He's so baked right now.
09:35He kept saying how he wanted to get more and more medicated.
09:39More and more medicated.
09:42More and more medicated.
09:44More and more medicated.
09:47More and more medicated.
09:52Well, he made it.
09:53He's dead.
10:04No, he's just really baked.
10:06He ate a whole pizza.
10:07No, he's dead.
10:12No, he's really baked.
10:15He's dead.
10:18I'm so high.
10:21You're really baked, dude.
10:23Ha ha ha.
10:24Ha ha ha.
10:27The story you have just seen is true.
10:30The names were changed to protect the innocent.
10:33At the coroner's inquest, the jury ruled that the suspect, known as Green Boy,
10:37had administered himself a lethal dose of Larry in the Sky with diamonds,
10:42and had thus taken his own life.
10:46Uh, I'm not dead.
10:48I'm just in prison for distribution of narcotics.
10:51Says here on this piece of paper that I was given that you're dead.
10:54Well, it's bullshit.
10:55Bullshit.
11:09I'm just in prison for a while.
Comments