- 6 hours ago
Lewis Raymond Taylor is a life coach and entrepreneur who says he was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder, a condition often associated with psychopathy. He spent his younger years dealing with violence, addiction, and crime, including serving prison time for grievous bodily harm.
Taylor explains to Business Insider what it feels like to live with little to no emotion, how psychopathic traits shaped his behavior, and why he believes those same traits can be redirected toward success. He also discusses manipulation, risk-taking, and detachment in both criminal environments and business.
He rebuilt his life and founded The Coaching Masters, a life coaching company he says is now worth $25 million. Taylor's story is also featured in the Netflix documentary "The Psychopath Life Coach."
For more:
https://www.instagram.com/lewisraymondtaylor?igsh=MTF5ZnVzcW45cG5vaw==
https://thecoachingmasters.com
If you or someone you know is dealing with substance misuse or mental illness, call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's National Helpline (1-800-662-4357) for 24/7, free, confidential treatment referral and information.
Taylor explains to Business Insider what it feels like to live with little to no emotion, how psychopathic traits shaped his behavior, and why he believes those same traits can be redirected toward success. He also discusses manipulation, risk-taking, and detachment in both criminal environments and business.
He rebuilt his life and founded The Coaching Masters, a life coaching company he says is now worth $25 million. Taylor's story is also featured in the Netflix documentary "The Psychopath Life Coach."
For more:
https://www.instagram.com/lewisraymondtaylor?igsh=MTF5ZnVzcW45cG5vaw==
https://thecoachingmasters.com
If you or someone you know is dealing with substance misuse or mental illness, call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's National Helpline (1-800-662-4357) for 24/7, free, confidential treatment referral and information.
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TechTranscript
00:00My name is Lewis Raymond Taylor. I'm a diagnosed psychopath. I was sentenced to prison for one
00:04punch that left a man in a coma. This is everything I'm authorised to tell you.
00:10I understand emotions, but I don't feel them. So when people say, how do you feel about that? I say,
00:14well, actually, I don't. I think about that. I could go a month and not feel anything, you know,
00:19and every now and again, I'll just get a little flicker and I'll go, oh, there's, there, I had
00:23a little something there. I'm a life coach today. I would not be the success I am without being a
00:28psychopath. So I can always remember being a, like a bad quote kid and naughty, mischievous,
00:39cheeky. I also remember also having a very toxic relationship with my dad specifically.
00:44In 2014, I'd got back from an extremely chaotic summer abroad where I was drinking, fighting
00:53every day. I was getting involved with all sorts of situations. I would start fights. I would start
00:57trouble. I wanted to feel something and the adrenaline from doing something bad. When I was
01:02fighting, I was fighting to, to hurt, to win, to feel powerful. I wouldn't stop. Like, people would
01:09have to drag me off. I would be punching and punching, stamping and stamping and stamping. And
01:12I got, I'm, I am, and other people are very lucky that that didn't, I didn't end up killing somebody.
01:19I got a bit of a thrill from knowing that people saw me in that way.
01:22And I would do it for the attention. I was just doing anything I could to push things right to
01:28the edge, to the point where I could die. And I didn't care. It seems like a silly thing, but
01:32I
01:32would literally swing from balconies and I would be underneath and I'd be swinging from one arm and
01:37just hanging off. And I'd see everyone going, Oh my God, you know, look up there at Lewis. And I
01:41would
01:41just, that for me was more important for getting the look at Lewis. He's so crazy. It was more
01:47important than I could drop and die. And I wouldn't even think I could drop and die. It wouldn't go
01:51for my
01:51mind because that fear response is just like numb. And I realized that I would become an alcoholic
01:56because I had no longer was doing it out of choice. And I realized I now needed to,
02:00and I was also still being aggressive. I'd already, um, committed loads of crimes since the age of
02:05about 13, all sorts of different ones. The last time I went to prison, uh, was a time that I
02:09hit a
02:09guy in a taxi queue and he had a brain hemorrhage and was in a coma and then did make
02:16a full recovery.
02:17But I was sent to prison for 18 months for grievous bodily harm. I was out one night and actually
02:22I
02:22was, I jumped to the front of a taxi queue. I don't know if I did it on purpose or
02:27I didn't
02:27realize there was a queue or what have you, but some guy shouted, you know, shouted at me,
02:31said something. When I think about this guy that I hit, all I can see actually on this occasion is
02:36my dad's face. I was definitely angry because of my dad. He would hit me. He would be abusive at
02:40me,
02:40call me a buffoon. But this particular time, because he was older, I was 24 by the time this
02:45happened. And he was 40. Like I saw that as a, as a, as a, as an older, like an
02:50old man. And, um,
02:53he shouted at me and I just remembered just seeing my dad and just punching him in the face.
02:58And, uh, he hit his head, head like flat on the ground, his face flat on the ground actually,
03:03to the point where he was just stone cold knocked out. Um, and then blood started coming out of his
03:09head. So I thought, that's it. I just looked straight to my left and I saw the CCTV camera,
03:12I was outside a train station at the time. And I just thought, that's, that's it. You know,
03:16and I'd like to say, I'd like to tell you that my first thought was a man, but it wasn't,
03:19it was,
03:20it was me. It was like, I'm going to go to prison. Um, so I put my coat over him
03:24thinking,
03:24literally thinking he was dead and then put my hands up and waited for the police to arrive.
03:28And, uh, within a short period of time they had to put me in the back of the car,
03:31sent me to the police station. Luckily he hadn't died. And, uh, I was sent to prison
03:37because I pleaded guilty at the scene. I got a lot of time reduced in the UK. You serve nine
03:42months
03:42in prison and then you serve nine months on probation. So I actually only served nine months
03:45inside prison on that occasion in probation. Like later on, I did a reach out to him as an
03:50opportunity for restorative justice at the time. I honestly couldn't tell you whether I was doing
03:55that just to, you know, tick a box or whatever. But then later on down the line, I did want
04:00to like
04:00see if I could contact him just to see what could happen. And, you know, but he, he wasn't interested
04:05in,
04:05uh, in responding. When it happened at the time, I don't, I don't have those responses where I
04:10think about fear or what people think or what's going to happen. There is of course a inconvenience
04:15and a frustration of the consequences of the inevitable prison time that I didn't,
04:22obviously didn't want, but there wasn't, it's not associated with fear. It's not like,
04:25what's going to happen when I go to prison? It's just, I'm going to be in prison for a long
04:28time.
04:29And now looking back, what do you think about this reaction? What does it make you feel
04:32now with everything that you know about this?
04:36So looking back on it, and this is the most difficult thing for me to share,
04:40because this is the thing that paints me in the, in the worst light in terms of
04:43the stereotypical way of people will perceive it, but they have to truly understand it.
04:47But when I look back on it now, I feel the same. Because I don't feel anything.
04:51I understand it shouldn't have happened. And, you know, what stupid kid I was and what an
04:56unfortunate situation that man found himself in and it shouldn't have happened to him.
05:02But it's just not associated to a visceral feeling. It's associated to a cognitive
05:07understanding of knowing that, you know, that shouldn't have happened and that's bad and wrong.
05:12But whatever remorse or guilt feels like, I just have no idea what it could feel like.
05:22If I could explain psychopathy in one sentence, I would personally just describe it as somebody who
05:28experiences the world and emotions differently to other people. So psychopathy is not in the DSM
05:36manual. You can't be any more diagnosed of actually just being a psychopath. You have to have the
05:40underlying clinical condition, which is an antisocial personality disorder, which is what I have.
05:45The main traits of psychopathy are impulsiveness, manipulation. There's a very low risk fear
05:55tolerance as well. It's the emotional bluntness or a complete lack of emotion. And that obviously
06:01translates to many things, lack of remorse, lack of guilt, a lack of concern or care for other people,
06:07if not trained and understood. I feel almost nothing. And sometimes I'll use language to just
06:12make sense to people. And I might say the word feel, but I don't actually feel it. I understand it.
06:17I can get to emotion, but I can also just take it off. I could never think of something ever
06:24again
06:24if I wanted to. If I go, that's too difficult, I can just don't think about it. Certain things like
06:30funerals, weddings, hierarchy of authority, they just don't really make sense or mean anything to me.
06:38It's only now that I have such an awareness around the diagnosis that I really start to compare and
06:43contrast myself against other people and just realize the disparity of what I feel versus what
06:48they feel. And then I realized over time, especially from dealing with people one-to-one,
06:52that it was actually everyone that was like that, or most people anyway. And it was me that was
06:58different. It was me that was probably acting in a way that I shouldn't have.
07:01Now I can actually ask the question. I can say to people, when this happens,
07:05what do you feel? What sensations are going on in your body? Do you actually have
07:09like a sinking feeling, a warm fuzzy? Does it actually feel warm and fuzzy? And I can actually
07:15understand that.
07:21I am not emotionless. I just experience it differently. That's the thing. I know it's
07:27alien to people, but I think it, I don't feel it, but it doesn't mean to say it's not there.
07:31For example, I have partners, I have love in my life, but it's just not a felt sense love.
07:36Like I have to be shown it. I have to understand it. I have to believe it, you know, and
07:41it becomes
07:42as a part of a bond over time, rather than like an immediate emotional connection. But I know that
07:46I love people. I get to the point where I can, someone will say, do you love them? And I
07:49can say
07:49yes or no. And I don't know why, but it's just a part of my brain that's decided they've now
07:54met
07:54that criteria because of things that have happened. And I know from my actions of what I would do for
07:59that person. So if I would, it's going to sound extreme, but if I would kill for that person,
08:03then I know that must mean I love them. So it's kind of different, but I make my own map
08:09of the
08:10world based on what I have available to me. And I relate it as close to language and a normal
08:14human
08:15experience of a sort of normal neurotypical person.
08:20How about the birth of your son?
08:22Do you know what? So when my dad died, I cried. When a girlfriend cheated on me when I was
08:30younger,
08:30I cried and I felt it as well. So I have had times where I've been like hurt. I was
08:36really worried
08:37I wasn't going to cry when my son was born because I have just would have felt cold. And when
08:42I say feel,
08:43it's just, it's just the only way to explain it. But I would have just reinforced to myself that I'm
08:47this
08:47bad, unlovable man that's going to not be able to break this pattern with my son that happened
08:53with my dad. I know not everybody does anyway, but I just wanted to, because I wanted it to be
08:58the
08:58moment where hopefully he could, you know, bring something out in me that I'm waiting to see in
09:02myself. And he came out and I cried. So I was very relieved. And that was the first time I've
09:09ever
09:09cried out of happiness ever. I've never experienced that. I've never, I didn't know how people could have
09:13emotions through happiness. It's not, it doesn't reach that intensity for me. Right. Very flat.
09:17Do you love him? Yes. I love him. So that's a feeling. It's a feeling, but it's like I said,
09:24so if you want me to talk about it quickly, so I definitely love my son. This is difficult to
09:31admit because I wouldn't want anyone to, I wouldn't want him to see it and misunderstand it, but it's
09:37different. It's still different. Like I can't deny it. Like it's stronger than anything else. I'm able to be
09:42away from him and not think about him every day. Like I'm able to detach my emotions. I,
09:47it took me a while to build that bond, that connection. It still feels surreal at times.
09:52I'm probably not as loving as a normal dad would be. And that's, that's a shame to say, because
09:58you know, I don't wish that upon myself or anybody because it's a shame to be able to have to
10:03say that.
10:04But it's the truth. You know, I want to try and be as truthful as possible. So I love him
10:08in the ways
10:08I've explained and he's on the highest end of the spectrum that hits above that threshold.
10:15But it's probably still less. And hopefully by the time he reaches sort of an older age,
10:20I've worked on myself even more so that I can show him that I love him in every aspect that
10:24he's going
10:25to feel it and need it and understand it. Relationships look very different to me because
10:29I, I understand like the love languages. Love languages are different things. Like you experience
10:34love through physical touch or through gifts or through acts of service and present quality time
10:39and different things. And for me, it has to be, um, it has to actually be the acts of service,
10:45which sounds like a really chauvinistic thing, but it's not because I really like to contribute
10:52and be a good partnership with somebody. I like to be the provider and I like to know that I
10:56am,
10:56but they have to show me something back. Otherwise I just can't see it. So I would never force
11:00that upon somebody, but I, but if someone, if a woman cooks me a meal, I, I, I would feel
11:06as close
11:06to as you would perceive loved because I would say they're doing that because they love me.
11:12It's not, you do it because you should. It's, I appreciate that. And I can now see,
11:16because if you try and radiate love to me, I'm not going to feel it. That has to be important
11:20in a relationship. It has to be quite a traditional dynamic like that. I might not have whatever,
11:24I just can't, whatever everyone else has. I know that I have an element of care for people
11:28and I still want to do the right thing. If anything, I think it could be more
11:34potent coming from me because I have to make a logical choice to care. Now I have what is known
11:39as cognitive emotions. And specifically, like if we talk about empathy, which is a big part of
11:44psychopathy, I just don't emotionally relate to people. Somebody could tell me, they could tell me
11:50anything, absolutely anything, and I wouldn't feel nothing. And that's not just I don't care.
11:56Sometimes I really, I'm invested in thinking, you've been through a tough time. You need some
12:01help. I'm someone to help you. I'm going to help you. And I genuinely want to. Like I'm invested
12:05in doing that because I can see clearly and understand even more rationally, maybe some
12:11people with emotions sometimes, because sometimes they're clouded and they're overwhelmed by emotion
12:15to the point where they actually have to distance themselves from that situation. Me, sometimes I can
12:19logically just pull through that cloud and just help those people. So it's not that I don't care or want
12:23to
12:23help. It's that I just don't feel it. When I was 17, I had my first major girlfriend.
12:29And that's something I felt because at this point I felt very bad and unlovable because I either
12:35didn't feel it or wasn't getting it or wasn't receiving it in the way that I could understand.
12:40I just felt unloved. It felt like a void. And when I had this girlfriend, she would invite me around
12:45to
12:45her family's house. We'd watch TV. I would talk with her family. She had lots of brothers and sisters
12:54and it was like, okay, this is what family's like. And I felt something. I felt like, oh,
12:58okay, maybe I'm actually okay because they've accepted me in and this is normal. But then my
13:02alcohol was progressing and she had an argument with me one night and she just threw at me,
13:07well, I cheated on you. And it just really hit me. To this day, I've had quite a lot of
13:12trauma,
13:12but I think that one probably is the one that I remember feeling the most because I felt loss.
13:17I felt confirmation that I was bad and unlovable. And I completely went berserk. And the ambulance
13:26arrived and I was trying to fight them off and they had to pin me down and stitch me up.
13:31And then I
13:31escaped from the hospital and was sectioned under the Mental Health Act and it was just complete.
13:36And I was screaming and telling them to let me die. That's how like distraught I was over that.
13:41And I think every, although I've had some form of emotion and then these extreme moments,
13:46it kind of erupts. I think with that scenario, it was, it felt like loss. I think if I could
13:50connect
13:50it to what I guess that would be, because I, in that moment, I knew we would never be together
13:55again.
13:56I knew it confirmed to me all the things that I hoped weren't true about me, that I was this
14:01bad
14:01and unlovable kid. I was, this wouldn't have happened. And it was confirmation that I'd lost her.
14:06And it kind of just hit me all in that moment.
14:14I was very naughty from a young age. I don't know exactly where that came from,
14:18if it was like inherently naughtiness, part of this condition or just who I was. But like,
14:24one of my earliest memories is kind of my mum coming into nursery and having to take me home
14:31straight away after, because it was a, come and see your, see your child at nursery day. And everyone
14:38else was sitting quietly in the carpet. And I was running around the room, banging a drum,
14:41singing happy birthday, because I was just in a world of my own. I was nearly expelled from primary
14:45school, which is very unusual because you're like, no one really gets expelled from primary school,
14:50but I nearly did. And I was expelled from secondary school. I think my environment played a big factor
14:54in the way that I am. I couldn't tell you if we wound back the clock and, you know, I
14:59had a different
14:59upbringing. I might be, I might feel the emotions. I really couldn't tell you. I really bounced between
15:05thinking to myself, no Lewis, you are so different to people that this is just you, you've got to
15:09accept it. And you've got to just allow that to be part of who you are to, no, actually, I
15:15think I
15:15could be like everyone else. And there's this little tiny flicker of a flame that keeps on getting
15:20snubbed out that maybe I could ignite. But then I go, no, I can't. At some point, something must
15:26have clicked for me. And I don't remember what happened where I decided I wanted to be famous.
15:29And this was about seven or eight years old. And I thought, okay, I'll do the normal things you
15:34do when you want to be famous, singing, acting and dancing. And I happened to be actually quite
15:37okay. You know, I don't know if I was a star, but I was actually, I could sing, I could
15:42dance,
15:42I could act at an amateur level. So I did do plays and stage school and even ballet and tap
15:48dancing,
15:49which is crazy. So thinking about it now, it's like this psychopath kid, a psychopath guy who's
15:54violent criminal, who was once a ballerina. So that's the sort of contradiction of life.
16:00At one of the stage schools I was at, one of the people at the stage school I was in,
16:06uh, inviting back to his house. And he was, he wasn't like an older man. He was,
16:11he was just a lot older than me. Like on reflection, he was probably 18 and I was probably 10
16:16or 11,
16:16but I actually don't know. And, uh, invite me back to his house. I thought nothing of it.
16:20And I was, and I somehow managed to, my parents let me sleep over his house. And I'm just trying
16:25to
16:26think about how that even happened. I stepped over at his house and, um, it started normally like
16:32watching TV and then he like held my hand and it was just the weirdest thing. And I just froze.
16:39I was thinking, why is this guy holding my hand? But I just, and then a minute, like a minute
16:43passed,
16:44I realized I hadn't pulled my hand away. And I was thinking, Oh God. And then it was like
16:50classic bloody stereotypical climbing on the top bunk. You know, I came up on the top bunk where I was
16:55at
16:56and, uh, yeah, sexually abused me. And at the time I didn't really know what happened because I was so
17:02young. I've never even had any experiences like that. So I didn't know, like, did he, did he know
17:07this was gonna happen? Did it, did I, should I have said like, no, did I participate? Did I actually
17:12do
17:12this with him? No idea. Um, and that was something that I completely suppressed to the point where I
17:17don't think I even really even remembered it until I was in rehab, uh, 20 at 24. And one of
17:23the stories,
17:23one of the things they do in treatment is to get you to share your life story. And I actually
17:28thought,
17:28I don't know what that is. So I had to literally get a bit of paper out and think, okay,
17:31well,
17:32this happened. And then there, and then when I went into rehab, you, you go in a group and you
17:38share
17:38your story in front of a group. And I didn't think my story was going to be that significant at
17:41the
17:41time. Cause I'm in, I'm in here with like heroin addicts and homeless people. And I'm thinking
17:46their stories are going to be crazy and mine's going to be nothing. And I just sharing all these
17:50things. And I just see their jaw dropped to the ground. And I just thought, oh my God,
17:54this is serious stuff. And that was the first time I'd ever shared that. So that was, that was
17:58significant. I didn't feel anything at the time apart from confusion. I don't feel anything about
18:01it now. I don't actually think it made any difference to me, but it must've done. Like
18:08psychologically, clinically, logically, you look at it and you think, of course that must have
18:11affected somebody, but I couldn't tell you, oh, from that day I felt so whatever, cause I haven't.
18:18Um, so anyway, that must've had an effect. I did have an emotionally shut down family,
18:23which of course is going to contribute to the learned behavior. My dad was very like almost
18:28psychopathic. My mom was very emotionally detached, but I think she showed emotion.
18:32I always thought my family was normal. I knew we didn't have the best relationship, but I didn't know,
18:36I couldn't compare it to, oh, this should be like this or that should be like that.
18:40They would provide some parental care in the way that they understood it. But from an emotional support
18:45place, it was just non-existent because they didn't know how to express that in their own way.
18:49So my mum, she, she wouldn't really, she felt, she finds it very uncomfortable to say, I love you or
18:54cuddle. Even to this day, she, like we, we try and make an effort now, but it's still very rare
19:00and
19:01awkward when it happens. So, uh, so I know that it's there with her. It's just, uh, she wasn't able
19:07to
19:07share it. I think I remember from the age of probably seven years old, being so angry and frustrated with
19:12myself because I thought it was my fault that this relationship, um, had broken down between me
19:17and my dad. Every time I even went to speak to him, it somehow it would turn into a blazing
19:21row.
19:22He could become, uh, violent, but it was, it wasn't often. I can't say that he beat me all the
19:28time,
19:28you know, it did do it. Um, but it was more the, uh, the emotional abuse or, um, the things
19:33he said.
19:33My brother also actually very emotionally detached. Uh, we got onto a certain extent because we were similar
19:41in age. He was five years younger than me. And I kind of brought him into my lifestyle,
19:47really same sort of group of friends. I was selling drugs. I got him to sell drugs for me.
19:51That's kind of not what you would do with your family. But for me, it, it didn't make it to
19:56me,
19:56it made more sense. Actually to me, it's like, if I'm going to have someone that I trust, like I
20:00would
20:00prefer to have my brother doing this. Most people's thoughts would be, what happened? What if this
20:05happened? What if, but that, oh, that's bad. What's it going to, but it just didn't enter my brain.
20:08It started off juvenile sort of silly behavior and then eventually turned into things like
20:12shoplifting and smashing windows and, and then drink and drugs. Started quite small, sort of weed at 13,
20:20alcohol sort of 15, cocaine by the time I was 18. And at that point I was addicted to cocaine.
20:31So when I was diagnosed with having an antisocial personality disorder, it was a part of the system.
20:36So I had just committed some very violent crimes and I was very young and I've got a lot of
20:41trauma
20:41from my life. And I think with the traits of being so impulsive and reckless and I had absolutely no
20:48regard for myself or my future, consequences just was completely out of my head.
20:55So I hurt a lot of people, not random people, of course, these were people that I'd, you know,
20:59got into contact with out on a night of drinking or what have you.
21:02So I went to probation and they do what's called a pre-sentence report. And it's where
21:06they kind of analyze you and your background and your behavior and your environment to be able to
21:11give a bit of a background package of information to the judge.
21:14I went in there, crossed my arms, said, do what you want. Don't care.
21:17You look at this. She said, you're looking at eight years in prison. I was like, so what?
21:19Don't care. Do you not, do you not care about the people you found? No.
21:23Do you not care about what you've done? No. And I just never thought about it. I didn't think,
21:26oh, I'm not displaying remorse. I'm not, I just, just factually answering the questions. And I
21:31actually did not care whatsoever. And she was obviously quite perplexed by those responses
21:37and sent me for a psychiatric assessment. I didn't realize that was not normal. I thought
21:41that was just another part of this court process. It turns out it wasn't as it turns out she noticed
21:46something in me that was unusual. And then I met with a psychiatrist. They did an interview,
21:52asked me loads of questions. Nothing really stood out to me. I didn't think,
21:56oh, this is, this is unusual. I just thought this is what every criminal kind of is going to be
22:01saying. And, uh, yeah, came back with antisocial personality disorder. And I just, again,
22:06I just brushed it off and I thought, well, he's just thinking I'm, I'm mental because I've committed
22:11all these crimes and he's a goody two shoes. And he just doesn't know that I'm just being a bit
22:15of
22:16a bad lad. I didn't realize there's anything wrong with me, quote unquote. And that was the start of
22:20diagnosis. At the time, I didn't think the diagnosis was correct. When I was diagnosed
22:25with the antisocial personality disorder, I don't think that I shared it that much,
22:30to be honest. I remember with the second one with the bipolar, because I'd purposely gone to get that
22:34evaluation. Um, I shared it with, just one I can remember, I shared it with someone in the pub
22:40and they just said, I can't remember the exact words now, but it was something along the lines of,
22:45I'm glad you figured out what it was, mate. Like, like he knew it wasn't this one moment where I'm
22:50like, I'm a psychopath. You know, it was like, it's, it's clues and signals and things throughout
22:56my entire life that looking back on it, they kind of all fit in and you go, oh yeah, actually.
23:00So it's
23:01a, it's a evolving process of coming to terms with any condition that you might have. Right. Back
23:06then I had no need to mask, to display, to try and act, perform. If someone said, how did you
23:12attack
23:12that man? I would just tell you exactly how I attacked them. Not realizing that maybe I should
23:19probably explain this in a different way and look a little bit different in how I
23:23share that information. And as I got into life coaching and I was, I was coaching people and I
23:27was helping people, I would hear their reactions. I was just thinking, surely not. Like you cannot
23:33feel that way or think that way and act that way and feel. And then it was a pattern. They're
23:37all
23:37like it. They're all, they're all like this. They all care about these things. They all react about
23:42nothing. You know, it's out of, to me, it was frustrating because I just didn't understand it.
23:47Psychopaths, they still get frustrated, aggressive, angry, irritated. The, the worst feelings you can have,
23:53they still have.
23:59The most common myths about psychopathy is that they're bad people. They can do bad things and
24:06it's much easier for them to do bad things. They can manipulate, they can lie, they can harm,
24:12but that is still a choice. And that's largely because they're uneducated and unaware of who they
24:17are. And they haven't learned to transmute those traits into positive attributes that can actually
24:24be advantageous. They're told their whole life they're bad and incurable. So I don't kind of blame
24:28them. I was almost going to go down that line myself. I was told expelled from school, you're bad.
24:34Probation, precinct report, you're bad. The lawyers, you're bad. The prison, you're bad. You know,
24:40parents, you're bad. Everyone told me I was bad. And I thought I was bad. And bad people do bad
24:44things,
24:45you know, because that's their identity. That's the person they think that they are.
24:48A lot of psychopaths have done bad things and those are the ones you will hear of.
24:53And the thing is though, not many people want to admit to psychopathy because of the stigma
24:56that it has associated to it. So there'll be great ones out there that just don't want to
25:01tell you because they don't want to say, oh, hey, I've been faking half this stuff, but I'm still a
25:05good
25:06person. But they do great things in the world. And if we could compare the good ones and the bad
25:11ones,
25:12then we'd probably have a better understanding of the sort of spectrum that it exists on.
25:16It is only portrayed online in the most drastic form. Like I said, it's on a spectrum. You've got
25:22psychopathy, which is at one end of the spectrum, which is, I don't care about anybody and I can
25:25kill them and get enjoyment out of it. And then the other end of the spectrum is someone that will,
25:30you know, cry when they hear a piece of music and they can't stop thinking about it for the next
25:34three
25:34days because it's still choking them up every time. So there's people that exist all the way on that
25:38spectrum, but we only, you know, sensationalize the most interesting part of it. But actually,
25:45this is a neurodivergent mental health condition. You know, I'm not a bad person. I care about people.
25:50I've got a condition. I live with it. I try my absolute best. But it absolutely shouldn't be
25:55demonized unless you do bad things with it. And that's only a very select few people that do.
25:59The population of psychopaths is 1% of the world. And then how many other people are sociopaths and
26:06narcissistic and have disorders? You'd be surprised. They don't even know it maybe,
26:10or they're hiding it or suppressing it. They're some of our most successful leaders that we don't
26:14even know about. It's out there. It's just misunderstood and they're portrayed in a very
26:20negative light. I've got a bit of a thrill out of the violence when I was younger because it was
26:25power. I felt powerful. And I could see how that could have progressed potentially as I got older and
26:31maybe more aggressive and, you know, edged it closer and closer that maybe that could have,
26:37you know, turned into some crazy violence. I don't know. But I never have any thoughts of
26:43harming people for the sake of harming people. It's just stigmatized because you hear of serial
26:47killers and you think of psychopaths. I'm a diagnosed psychopath. I do not get a thrill
26:52out of hurting or doing anything bad. I could. I could do it. But I wouldn't want to. Like,
26:58it's stupid. It doesn't make sense why I'd want to do it. But that's because I've evolved myself to
27:02the point where I understand that. There is definitely an element of masking and putting
27:13on personas. I think we all do it. Like, you step into a meeting and you take the confident woman
27:20with
27:20you if that's who you need to be. You know, you go on a date, you take the joyful, flirtatious
27:28person with you. You learn that behavior. That's a skill. And to say, oh, no, I don't do it. Everything
27:33I'm doing is completely genuine. No, sometimes I do put on a smile and there's no smile on it.
27:37You know, sometimes I do, like, create a connection when I first meet somebody because it makes them
27:43feel more comfortable, but I don't care to meet them more. Potentially, I may be more skilled in certain
27:49areas of doing it or it's more conscious than it is subconscious where people are doing it.
27:55But yeah, different scenarios, different circles, different people, different groups, different
28:00outcomes that I'm looking for. I will behave differently. I don't think I'm hiding this
28:05monster within. There's definitely times where I'm, you know, putting on a bit of a front or there is
28:13something. Because in business, sometimes there is something you want from other people. You know,
28:16sometimes you are in a meeting and you couldn't care less about that person's holiday or, you know,
28:20how nice their tie is. Not that I make comments on things like that, but the point I'm making is
28:24sometimes I couldn't care less and I don't like that person, but I might pretend that I do.
28:29But yeah, there's no monster waiting to pop out around the corner. And as soon as you close the
28:34door, there's this different version of me. There is a different version of me, but it's not a monster.
28:37It's a quieter, it's more introverted, it's a more dull, it's a more baseline version of me.
28:50I would not be the success I am without being a psychopath because it's been my massive advantage.
28:57I have an ability to strategically think because I have to overcompensate for the lack of feeling.
29:03So I can create a plan and I can see every step that needs to take place. Sometimes people have
29:08like a goal and they don't, they can't visualize how to get there. And that's just some way some
29:13people are. I seem to be very methodical and strategic in my way of kind of taking very simple
29:18steps one after another with no emotional burden pulling me back. We created the business called
29:22The Coaching Masters and the business grew exponentially. It was right before the pandemic.
29:28It was all online. We knew that it had to be online from the start. The main thing we do
29:32is we help
29:33people become life coaches. Those 15,000 students, they're people that have wanted to become a coach
29:38and they're now qualified as life coaches. That's the main part of our business now.
29:41You see a psychopath as manipulative and I am very manipulative, but to help someone,
29:47I will persuade you to think better about yourself and live your life beyond your wildest dreams.
29:52It's just categorized as bad if you're manipulating somebody to do something that's harmful for them
29:56or beneficial for you. So manipulation can become persuasion. My impulsivity can be seen as being
30:05able to take risks. My lack of fear enables me to not be burdened by it. My emotional bluntness allows
30:15me to make logical decisions rather than being influenced by emotion and fear and ridicule and
30:20embarrassment or those things that might happen to people. It's like every single negative trait has a
30:25positive and it's about trying to integrate them and allow them rather than trying to dismiss it.
30:31Because some people might think, oh, I'm quite manipulative sometimes. I'm going to bury that.
30:34But actually, why not try and accept that as part of something that you do, but just make sure
30:39that you're doing it constructively. So I'm able to integrate those negative aspects of myself,
30:45but use them for good.
30:46How do you feel about people who might think, okay, this is not real then?
30:50Mm. Loads of people do. I've been called a cult leader. And there's an element of truth behind
30:55it, right? Because when people say you're exploiting people for personal gain, I think,
31:01well, yeah, a business is for personal gain. Of course. I'm not just doing this because I want to
31:06help everyone. I want to build a business. I want to make money. It's no different than any other leader
31:12of an organization. I'd be lying if I said I got everyone results because it's impossible to give everyone
31:16results. They need to want it. I can coach, I can help, and I can make impact. But if you
31:20want a real
31:20transformation, it's self-led. So the ones that don't win, I couldn't care less. And I tell you why,
31:27not my fault. I will give you all the resources, all the skills, all the support, and I go over
31:33and
31:33beyond. I will give you everything. But if you don't make it work, it's down to you. Do you think
31:37that
31:38universities are upset because they have a 3% success rate of people that actually get jobs in their
31:44field? They're educators. They can provide the skills and resources, but it's down to the person.
31:48I know it works. I've helped thousands of people. If I was in a one-off scenario where it only
31:54works
31:54for me and everyone else it didn't work for, because I'm teaching them how to be psychopaths,
31:57of course, that wouldn't be fair. But I'm not. I've educated myself. I know what it works and I've
32:02proven it. It can multiple across thousands of people from different countries and different walks
32:07of life and different demographics. So I know it works. So if it doesn't work for you,
32:11that's down to you. And you probably find that the person that doesn't work for probably nothing's
32:15working for them. A lot of people have over-complicated the world. They worry about
32:19things that are never going to happen. And I just look at these people and I just think your life
32:24is
32:24just running out. Like your life is literally running out and all you're doing is stretching
32:27yourself out and worrying and scared about things that don't exist. And I think, wow, that's not
32:32what I'm supposed to be. So there's obviously that part that I'm quite grateful, but I don't have to be
32:37wrapped up in. There's a lot of ambitious people that want to achieve a lot with their life and
32:40they know the things to do, but they don't do them because they're held back by that fear,
32:44the fear of their own insecurities and doubts and what might happen or won't happen. And
32:49actually, if you can look at it quite logically, a lot of people ask me how I'm successful. And I
32:52just say, well, I figure out what I want to do. And then I make like a plan of one,
32:56two,
32:56three, and then I take steps one, two, and three. I'm not some crazy genius of these mad plans. I
33:02just
33:02actually do all the things I want to do because most people could do the exact same things,
33:05but they're just held back by those emotional constraints.
33:09There's a lot of successful people that will detach themselves from their emotions purposefully,
33:13you know, because it's helpful in situations. You know, politicians, CEOs, surgeons, these people
33:19may actually be on this, you know, psychopathy spectrum, but even if they weren't, they would
33:23have to make a conscious choice to distance themselves. Because if they were in the middle
33:26of surgery, they'd be like, oh my God, but what about if I clip that? Or what about what their
33:29parents or
33:30their family or their daughter are going to, I can't operate. I'm going to have to let them just bleed
33:33out
33:33because, you know, what about if something goes wrong? Dead. You know, they're dead.
33:37Or what about if they're going to war? It's like, can I kill 100,000 people with that decision or
33:42800,000 people with that decision? I can't kill those 100,000 people. So now they're all dead.
33:47You know, you have to go, 100,000 people just makes more sense. You know what I mean?
33:51So some people have the ability to either
33:55disconnect or it's just disconnected anyway, but it of course can be helpful.
33:58From a corporate sort of point of view, I wouldn't say I'm the best leader in business. I definitely
34:06see it having flaws. I find it very difficult to communicate to people. I assume they think
34:16how I think a lot of the time. And I get very frustrated when they don't understand or don't
34:21do things the right way because I don't know how they wouldn't be able to do it. Because to me,
34:25it feels very simple and not in an arrogant way, but I just, I see it clearly sometimes and they
34:31don't. And I find it frustrating to communicate that sometimes to staff. And I don't have much
34:37of a tolerance to support them emotionally from that real strong leadership perspective. I know
34:42that's the right thing to do. Nurture staff, employees, build them up. I really don't have
34:46the tolerance or the time or the patience in that. So I become more of a sort of more of
34:52a dictator
34:53sort of ship kind of leadership style. And it works to a certain extent, but I don't think it's the
34:59best way of doing it, to be honest. I think when you're changing things so fast and you're working
35:03so quickly and you just want to build something and you've got a vision for it, sometimes you don't
35:06have the space to nurture people and give them creative freedom to do their own thing because
35:09I've got my vision and I don't know what I want to do. So I end up just barking orders
35:13and telling
35:13people what to do. And sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But if we move fast enough,
35:17we still end up building quite well. I'm very happy that my life has made this massive change.
35:22Happy is an interesting one for me because I don't feel a strong happiness. I have a flatness,
35:26but I do have a sense of being... content's also quite difficult, I would say. I'm on a climb.
35:33I know I'm on a climb. I have this illusion that the higher I climb, the more complete and fulfilled
35:39I'm going to feel. I know because I'm educated enough to know that that's not going to happen.
35:43But I allow myself to carry that climb because it gives me the satisfaction of
35:48knowing that I'm working towards something. I know eventually I might hit a peak.
35:51Call me a psychopath. Call me a manipulator. Call me a grandiose. I call that confidence.
35:56Call me, you know, whatever you might, you know, whatever trait you think. I'm okay with myself and
36:01who I am and I'm okay with the impact I'm having and I'm not making any negative impact on anybody
36:05else.
36:10The bizarre thing is when I was told that you end up in prison, a part of me actually
36:16liked the idea of it because I always knew that I was going to do something significant with my life.
36:20When I went to prison the first time as a young offender in the Young Offenders Institution,
36:24it was chaotic, but I kind of liked the excitement of it. It was fun in a way. It was
36:30like a different
36:30adventure because it's new, it's a different environment, meeting new people. It's just like being
36:34an action movie in a way. So it's part of it, it's fun. And everyone was asking me kind of
36:39what
36:39you're in for, what you're in for. And I always had to respond with these very like menial crimes
36:44at the time. And I remember thinking like, I wish that I could say something a bit more impressive.
36:48And that's like how you rank, the more longer your crime and the more bad it is, like the higher
36:53you
36:53rank really. So I remember thinking, I could actually do a better charge next time. So if anything,
37:00I was kind of waiting to go back. There was a big gap between the first and the second time
37:04I went
37:04to prison, 18 and 19. It wasn't until I was 24 in the end that I was, I went back.
37:11I wasn't in the
37:11Young Offenders anymore. I was in the adult prison and a bit more mature. It still had the same effect
37:16because I could say what you went for still happens. And I was able to say, grieve is probably harm.
37:20It's just enough to say, okay, he's just a standard offense. And also, you know, he can fight.
37:26So that was, I was remember thinking, this is perfect. I didn't have any like
37:32opportunity to connect with people in prison because it's just very transactional. People
37:35are coming from different wings, different prisons in and out getting released coming in. So,
37:38you know, you, you, you form people that you get acquainted with and you, you know, you talk to,
37:44but it's just, you know, so surface level, you know, so I decided to do maths and English whilst I
37:49was in
37:49there. And the only reason I did that was because they pay you. You can only spend £15.50 a
37:55week,
37:55maximum, even if you're a multimillionaire, because everyone's got to be the same on your toiletries,
37:59your stamps, your food, your snacks, everything. But I didn't even have that. So I needed to get
38:06paid and they pay you £10 to work, like cleaning the wing or £11 for education. So that's why I
38:16went
38:16to education, to be honest, for the extra pound a week. I was 24 at this point, but I was
38:20acting
38:21like a child. Like I would screw the paper up, throw it around, you know, I'm not doing this
38:24. The prison tutor, Susie, lovely lady. And she just came and sat down next to me and she just
38:31said,
38:31what's the matter? I actually don't think anyone had asked me that before. And I said, I don't
38:36understand. And that was really confusing because I'd like vocalizing these sort of subconscious
38:41thoughts that I'd never even really explored just from simple questioning. And I thought,
38:47how do I not even know I understand? Because I've not even looked up at the board. You know,
38:50I don't even know what you're teaching me, but how do I say I understand? And then kind of for
38:54a few
38:55different thoughts and questions and chats, I realized it's kind of more of a not wanting my
39:00dad to be right because he would call me a buffoon and stupid. So I thought I was. I was
39:05convinced I was
39:06stupid and, you know, incapable of learning. So I wouldn't even try. It was just this weird confusion
39:11thing that I wasn't even aware of. That's how crazy it is. It just happens. And through
39:16understanding it a little bit, I thought I can give it a try. And I started to learn maths and
39:19English and pick it up quickly because it was simple. And that was a big turning point where I
39:24was like, maybe I could. And I said to the prison tutor, Susie, I said, do you think I could
39:27go to
39:27university? And I was, I was almost like expecting her to go, don't be so stupid. Of course you can't,
39:31you know, because that's what I thought. I left school, I was expelled at 15, but we could leave
39:36at 16 back then. And she just looked at me and she just said, of course you can. And
39:44I believed her actually. I thought, actually, you actually believe I can. So that gave me a goal. I
39:49said, right, I'm going to get out of here. I'm going to go to rehab and I'm going to go
39:52to university.
39:53Do you think that had she come 10 years earlier, it would have had the same impact on you?
39:59I mean, I would have liked to have Susie in my life sooner. I think that would have been
40:02uh, definitely advantageous, but who knows? You know, they say you, you can take a horse to
40:07water, but you can't make it drink. Maybe that was the perfect time in my life where
40:10she needed to intervene and give me that clarity. And maybe I would have, because to be honest,
40:15I was dismissive of help. Like it would have probably been presented itself to me because I
40:18remember like when I had this breakthrough moment inside prison, uh, where I realized that I wanted to
40:23change and I could change everything started becoming different. I see signs on the wall
40:28for therapy and AA meetings and stuff that I didn't see before. It's like my brain was actually
40:33like an NLP. We talk about it, deleting, distorting, generalizing information through our filters.
40:38And it's a real thing. Like I was, it's not my perspective of the world. My world was physically
40:43different from changing my, my, um, changing myself, changing my thoughts. So the moment I
40:49decided I wanted to work on myself, I saw these opportunities and all these people that wanted
40:53to help. And when they did approach me to help me, I would, I would engage with it and I
40:57would
40:57realize that they were very helpful, but before I just brushing off, brushing off, ignoring it,
41:01ignoring it. So, you know, who knows? Susie could have come into my life earlier and it could have
41:05helped or maybe it wouldn't have been the right time. I did this rehabilitation of addictive
41:15prisoners trust program inside prison. And that was a game changer. That was, it was so basic,
41:19but enough to give me a glimpse of what I could learn. When I was about to be released after
41:24nine
41:25months, I applied for this six months fully intensive rehabilitation treatment center in Portsmouth,
41:30right on the South coast, hours and hours away from where I'm from. And you can go to this full
41:34rehab,
41:35and then you can like resettle there and get housing allowance and start a new life.
41:39I got released from prison. They picked me up, they escorted me right down to, to rehab. And
41:46that was worse than prison because it was not the lovely retreat with yoga and mindfulness that I was
41:51sort of thinking in my head. It was this break you down. Let's get all the trauma out. Let's rebuild
41:56you. Let's tell you how bad this is. Let's get you out of denial. Let's make this uncomfortable.
42:01All I wanted to focus on is my recovery. So I knew that was the first thing I needed to
42:04fix.
42:04If I can fix the drug and alcohol, that's going to let me clear,
42:07like think clearly and give me the space to do everything else. So that was my number one
42:10priority. I can't tell you exactly how that breakthrough moment happens. I think sometimes
42:14they did say they happen out of nowhere. It's just like a moment that just clicks.
42:17It absolutely did break me down and built me back up. I've gone from a violent criminal drug addict
42:22to being a volunteer in Portsmouth, going to AA meetings on a Friday night and having a milkshake
42:28after for the enjoyment after the meeting. And I'm thinking, I can see the progress now.
42:33When I looked in the mirror and saw myself, it was just a truthful reflection. It was the version of
42:40me that's not blaming and not looking for a way out and not being in denial and just an honest
42:45representation of we are where we are, Lewis. And you are the problem. You have to accept that,
42:51but you have to also accept that once you realize you're the problem, you're also the solution. We
42:55can make changes.
43:02So my dad, in the end, he was an alcoholic, by the way, and he got pancreatic cancer from that.
43:10And I didn't know how to process that at the time, but he lost all of his weight and become
43:13very old
43:13very quickly. And he got a terminal diagnosis. And I just distanced myself from it because I didn't
43:16know how to deal with it. So he went to the hospital. And then the next day we went to
43:20visit him.
43:20And the nurse hadn't let me know that he died. So I walked straight in through the room and I
43:24just
43:25saw him dead. And that was just a very, very shocking moment. But then I just suppressed
43:30everything. And I just went out and took drugs and took alcohol and just life went on and suppressed
43:34all that. Because there was emotion from those things, for sure. Like I didn't experience that
43:38one because I definitely blocked that out, but... Did you go to the funeral? Yeah. Yeah. How was the funeral?
43:52I thought it was a funeral. I really... The worst... I know, that's too far. I was going to... No,
43:59I'll be honest. The first thought that came to my mind was boring, but that's... It's because they're
44:03all the same, aren't they? Because again, I don't really get the concept of things like that.
44:08My dad's my biggest trauma. I did say like the girlfriend hit me the hardest, but I think my dad's
44:13the biggest trauma. Like I know that his words affected me the most and there's definitely
44:18something unresolved there. I've done a lot of work on it. I think there's more to do.
44:21I wouldn't say it's chapter closed. I say it's put neatly, nicely in a box at the point where it's
44:27at a good position now. And it felt good to work on it, but I've got more to do. I've
44:31done all sorts
44:32of therapy, psychotherapy, the rehab, the... You know, all sorts of things from a mindset perspective.
44:37And I became very strong in my mindset, I believe, but there was still a lot of healing
44:42and a lot of emotional work that I wanted to do. So I did try all sorts of different
44:48unconventional things like plant medicines in Bali, like all sorts of different things like
44:54somatic work and energy healing. And the one that really worked was breath work. And over the last
44:59five years, I've been writing a book and it's called Unlimited, how to turn adversity into an asset.
45:05And that's the key message is how to take anything that's ever happened to you or any negative trait
45:09or flaw or thing you've done and how to use that for positive and how to use that as something
45:15that
45:15you can actually be grateful for. Not only to relieve that mental burden, but also to actually use
45:20the assets and the resources that are available to you because you don't realize that they are
45:25in disguise some of your best traits. Like I never would have thought that my psychopathic traits
45:30would help me become a millionaire. But they are there and there are clues in success that aren't
45:35often shared because they're controversial. There are many successful people who have become success
45:40in a certain way, but then teach it in a different way because they can't really share what they've
45:45actually done. But I'm actually completely okay with saying, this is how it is. I'm maturing,
45:50I'm learning new things. That's recalibrating the way in the perspectives I have. Or I'm remembering other
45:56things or I get interviewed and asked different questions that trigger different things on my mind.
46:00For now, I'm content knowing that I'm developing, I'm being successful. I have the significance that
46:05I've been craving all my life in a positive way that is sustainable. Like if anyone ever told me
46:10that I'd be on TV, doctor, millionaire, all these crazy things, I would think you are crazy because I
46:18would have been happy with a stable job and not taking drugs. So of course I'm happy about it. Does
46:22it give me
46:23that real deep internal content, fulfillment, happiness that, yeah, I've made it and I'm who I am?
46:28No. Can I get there? I hope so. Am I there yet? Not sure. But I'm on an ever evolving
46:33quest. Like
46:34I'm 10 years into this journey, but I'm 36 years old. I've got another, you know, hopefully over 50,
46:3960, 70, 100 years, who knows, to keep on evolving.
46:44Hi, I'm a producer and authorised account. If you enjoyed this video, then please subscribe
46:48and comment with more topics that you'd like us to cover in this series.
46:54I'll see you next time.
46:55Bye.
46:58Bye.
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