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Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:20Young man, in the future, please deposit the paper inside its designated target area.
00:00:26No problem, lady. Whatever.
00:00:28Lady?
00:00:36I will be monitoring your accuracy from now on.
00:00:41Whoa.
00:00:52Morning, paper.
00:00:56Ta-da.
00:01:01Miles. I love the amount of publicity we've been getting. Look at that. Look at that.
00:01:07Isn't that fabulous?
00:01:08I think it's because that reporter has a crush on you.
00:01:10Ugh. You think everybody's got a crush on me.
00:01:13Well, that's because most men do. You're just too blind to see it.
00:01:15Not blind, just very busy.
00:01:17Self-inflicted.
00:01:19You have heard of the book Smart Women, Foolish Choices?
00:01:23Mm-hmm.
00:01:23It's my autobiography.
00:01:26No, work is much safer for me.
00:01:28Safe is boring.
00:01:29Can we stick to the task at hand, please?
00:01:33Thrilled to see the newspaper retrieval system working so flawlessly.
00:01:36The whole house is running at max efficiency.
00:01:39You should be proud of yourself, Sarah. It's a masterpiece.
00:01:42You made sure you downloaded all the visuals?
00:01:44Mm-hmm.
00:01:45Good.
00:01:46Pat, what's the current temperature, please?
00:01:48Climate control on target at 72.5 degrees.
00:01:52Mm-hmm. Thank you, Pat.
00:01:54You're welcome, Sarah.
00:01:55Voice identification up and running.
00:01:57Like I said, it's all top-notch.
00:01:59The only thing left for you to do is sit back and wait for some lucky family to move in
00:02:03and screw it all up.
00:02:12Into the sink.
00:02:15Jump, jump, the house is jumping.
00:02:19Jump, jump, the house is jumping.
00:02:22That's right.
00:02:24Hello?
00:02:25Uh, sorry, he's not. Can I take a message?
00:02:28Melanie?
00:02:29Uh, can I tell him what it's regarding?
00:02:32Really?
00:02:34Uh, yeah, I'll let him know.
00:02:36No, I won't forget.
00:02:37Bye.
00:02:38Jump, jump.
00:02:39Yeah.
00:02:40Uh-huh.
00:02:42That's right.
00:02:43You wanna move, get on the right track.
00:02:45First you gotta jump in, then you gotta jump back.
00:02:47Come on, come on, enjoyin' the house line.
00:02:49Let's party on down, wanna make some time.
00:02:52All right, Abkins.
00:02:54Get this set.
00:02:57Dad.
00:02:59And sis.
00:03:01Work and knife.
00:03:04Oh.
00:03:05Come on, we gotta pick a banshee.
00:03:09Oh!
00:03:10Come on, man.
00:03:11Oh!
00:03:12Yes, sir.
00:03:13Bye.
00:03:15Hey, how about a thank you?
00:03:17Thanks for having me.
00:03:18Okay, see you later.
00:03:20Come on.
00:03:20Come on.
00:03:20Come on, man.
00:03:21Oh!
00:03:22Yes, sir.
00:03:22Bye.
00:03:23Jump.
00:03:23Jump.
00:03:24Jump.
00:03:25Jump.
00:03:26Come on.
00:03:26Come on.
00:03:28Come on.
00:03:30Thank you for not burning.
00:03:37Hey, get going on your homework, okay?
00:03:43I need you to run my spelling words.
00:03:45Yeah, one minute.
00:03:47And take off the rollerblades in the house.
00:03:51What are you doing this time, computer boy?
00:03:53You people quit entering.
00:03:55This house is supposed to be mine.
00:03:56Don't tell me you're entering another contest.
00:03:58Just go study your spelling words, please.
00:04:06Send them now.
00:04:09Now, can you help me run my spelling words?
00:04:12One second.
00:04:15Come on, mutt.
00:04:16Time to eat.
00:04:18Lesson.
00:04:20L-E-S-S-O-N.
00:04:23Good.
00:04:25Teacher.
00:04:26T-E-A-C-H-E-R.
00:04:30Practice.
00:04:31P-R-A-C-T-I-C-E.
00:04:35Dad!
00:04:36Oh, there's my beautiful pumpkin.
00:04:39How's everything?
00:04:41Good.
00:04:41Oh, something sure smells good.
00:04:43Tuna noodle.
00:04:44Tuna noodle.
00:04:45My favorite.
00:04:46Bang.
00:04:46Got you something.
00:04:47You got the Sadler account?
00:04:48All 48 stores.
00:04:50Is that good?
00:04:51Is that good?
00:04:52That's incredible.
00:04:53That's excellent.
00:04:53It's amazing.
00:04:55Good.
00:04:56Now, you can finally start to relax.
00:04:57And you can start dating, so we can have a new mom.
00:05:00Why would you want to do that?
00:05:01We're already a perfect family the way we are.
00:05:03Well, I know we've always said we're a perfect family,
00:05:06but there's still room for a little improvement, don't you think?
00:05:08No.
00:05:10Anyway, thanks to me, we're soon gonna have everything we'll ever need.
00:05:19Well, it's another beautiful morning here in Monroe County.
00:05:23Rise and shine and enjoy one of my favorites.
00:05:26I hope you like it, too.
00:05:29Have a great day.
00:05:30Put your hand in here.
00:05:33Straight, Dad.
00:05:34Heart is supposed to be straight.
00:05:35Why is it so hard for you?
00:05:37I told you a hundred times, Ange.
00:05:38I'm a guy.
00:05:39I don't have the hairdo gene.
00:05:41Do you think you could at least manage some piggy tails?
00:05:44Will you not yell at me if it isn't perfect?
00:05:46You're not making any promises.
00:05:48All right.
00:05:54All right.
00:05:55Almost there.
00:05:58Forget it.
00:05:59Let's go.
00:05:59We're late enough as it is.
00:06:01What about your hair?
00:06:02So I look like a freak.
00:06:03What else would you do?
00:06:11Hey, Ben.
00:06:12We're heading out for Ange's party.
00:06:14You want to come along for the ride?
00:06:15No, thanks, Dad.
00:06:16I got some business to attend to.
00:06:18Oh, Ben.
00:06:19Not another contest.
00:06:20Trust me, Dad.
00:06:21This one, you're gonna thank me for.
00:06:24Come on.
00:06:24We're late.
00:06:31Remember, all entries must be sent by electronic mail
00:06:35and logged in no later than 10 p.m. tonight.
00:06:38Entrance must reside in Monroe County.
00:06:41Multiple entries accepted.
00:06:42Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:06:45Send now.
00:06:50Good news is, about a quarter of those entries should be mine.
00:07:10No, you're obsessing, don't you?
00:07:13Obsessing is what I do best.
00:07:14Relax.
00:07:15The boss digs this place.
00:07:17He totally digs the idea of the place.
00:07:19But tonight, he's gonna finally see the reality.
00:07:22Don't you just love the executive mentality?
00:07:25He'll never show up till the cameras are around.
00:07:28Oh.
00:07:29I can't believe we're actually picking a contest winner tonight.
00:07:32Wouldn't it make more sense to do it in the morning?
00:07:36Well, Tuttle wanted a 10 p.m. entry deadline to make sure the announcement made the morning papers.
00:07:41Are you beginning to experience a little separation anxiety?
00:07:47I don't know, Miles.
00:07:49After all I've invested in this project, I just want to make sure that everything goes as perfectly as possible.
00:07:56Butler!
00:07:56What are you doing out of your cage?
00:07:59What, are you trying to scare Mama?
00:08:01Visitor approaching, Sarah?
00:08:02Okay.
00:08:03Okay.
00:08:03Thank you, Pat.
00:08:04Miles.
00:08:06Miles!
00:08:07Playtime's over.
00:08:08It's D-Day.
00:08:08Let's go.
00:08:10Night, Dad.
00:08:12Hey, my children.
00:08:13All showered?
00:08:14Mm-hmm.
00:08:15Brushed your teeth?
00:08:15Mm-hmm.
00:08:16Picked out your clothes for tomorrow?
00:08:17Mm-hmm.
00:08:17All right.
00:08:18Give me a hug and a kiss.
00:08:19I love you.
00:08:21Two tons.
00:08:22Two tons.
00:08:23Six tons.
00:08:24I'll be up in ten minutes to tuck you in.
00:08:25Okay.
00:08:25Scoot.
00:08:27Bye, Dad.
00:08:27All right.
00:08:28I love you, son.
00:08:29Love you.
00:08:29All right.
00:08:31Hey, uh, you're not still logged on the internet, are you?
00:08:34Why?
00:08:34How's anybody supposed to call us if you're always tying up a line?
00:08:38We're all here.
00:08:39Who else do you need to talk to?
00:08:40Gee, I don't know, Ben.
00:08:41You know, your grandparents, a friend maybe.
00:08:43All right, all right, all right.
00:08:44I'll be off at exactly 10-01.
00:08:46I promise.
00:08:47Listen, speaking of calls, you haven't neglected to give me any messages.
00:08:50Lately, have you?
00:08:51My like from who?
00:08:53Uh, a woman named, um...
00:08:55Oh, Melanie.
00:08:57She called?
00:08:58Yeah, last Thursday.
00:09:00I-I'm really, really sorry, Dad.
00:09:02Uh, I guess I just forgot.
00:09:03How many times have I asked you to please write down my messages?
00:09:06That happens to be the woman that Mrs. McEntee was trying to fix me up with.
00:09:10Well, blow her off.
00:09:11Trust me.
00:09:11I mean, this lady sounded like...
00:09:13Well, I don't know, but I can tell she's definitely not your type.
00:09:17It's been so long since I've been out with anybody.
00:09:19How could I possibly have a type?
00:09:21Well, exactly.
00:09:22I mean, you're doing so great without a woman.
00:09:23Why rock the boat?
00:09:24Good night, Benjamin.
00:09:28Night, Dad.
00:09:35Hmm, 8,411.
00:09:37Sarah?
00:09:39Miles?
00:09:40I'm very pleased with the number of responses we've generated.
00:09:43Oh.
00:09:44Well, thanks to the constant hard work of our esteemed publicist.
00:09:47Couldn't have done it without such an exciting and innovative house to promote, Sarah.
00:09:51Huh.
00:09:52Well, we're just a regular mutual admiration society, aren't we?
00:09:5810 o'clock.
00:09:59Oh.
00:09:59The contest is now closed.
00:10:01Meaning we can select our winner.
00:10:03Oh, could Pat have the honors?
00:10:05Can she do that?
00:10:07Mr. Tuttle, you cut me to the quick.
00:10:10I don't know if you know this, but my smart house can do just about anything.
00:10:14By all means.
00:10:15Oh, good.
00:10:16Pat, access contest entries, please.
00:10:19Yes, Sarah.
00:10:19Accessing contest entries.
00:10:21Initiate random shuffle mode, please.
00:10:24Initiating random shuffle mode.
00:10:26Now, Pat, make a selection.
00:10:30Lucky electronic postcard accessed.
00:10:35And the winner is...
00:10:45Still busy.
00:10:46There definitely must be a teenager in that house.
00:10:51Keep trying, Miles.
00:10:52If it gets too late, you can always call first thing in the morning.
00:10:56Snacks will be made available in the kitchen.
00:11:14Oh, man.
00:11:19Thanks a lot, you guys.
00:11:20Wasn't anybody gonna wake me up?
00:11:21Didn't your alarm go off?
00:11:22No, I never said it.
00:11:23I fell asleep in front of my computer.
00:11:24Uh-huh.
00:11:25Ma'am, we're gonna be later than usual.
00:11:27And nobody's even made our lunches yet.
00:11:29Okay, okay, okay.
00:11:30How about you guys bye today so we can get going?
00:11:32There's for you.
00:11:33There's for you.
00:11:34Hey, uh, did the guys from the smart house call?
00:11:36Oh, yeah, didn't I tell you?
00:11:37We want a brand new house with all new furnishings.
00:11:39I guess it just slipped my mind.
00:11:41Yeah, come on.
00:11:42Let's go.
00:11:44Oh, Dad!
00:11:44No, no, no, no, no.
00:11:45Let the machine get it.
00:11:46We've got to hit the road.
00:11:47Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
00:11:49March.
00:11:51Hi.
00:11:51You've reached the Cooper family.
00:11:53We're probably out, so leave a message and we'll call you back.
00:11:56If you're lucky.
00:11:57Way to go, Cooper.
00:11:59What was that all about?
00:12:00I don't know.
00:12:02Uh, so anyways, I fell asleep last night about 10 and I woke up this morning and still no call.
00:12:07I don't know, maybe the call is over.
00:12:08Maybe.
00:12:10Cooper, where's the science report you're supposed to do for me, Benny boy?
00:12:14Ryan, don't you realize that by using other people's work, all you're ultimately doing is hurting yourself?
00:12:19How can I be hurting myself, geek, when I'm too busy hurting you?
00:12:23Science report in my locker before lunch.
00:12:27I think I'm actually growing bologna in here.
00:12:31Hurry, come.
00:12:41Congratulations, Ben. I can't believe how lucky you are.
00:12:43Lucky?
00:12:44Luck for what?
00:12:45For this.
00:12:49It's us?
00:12:50We won!
00:12:51We won!
00:12:52Oh my!
00:12:53Come on, Ben, there's gotta be a catch.
00:12:55They don't give away a whole, what'd you call it, a house of the future without wanting some kind of
00:13:00something in return.
00:13:01You can't pull this, Dad.
00:13:03Please, I'm not exaggerating.
00:13:05It is like the ultimate opportunity of a lifetime.
00:13:07If you've got a paper there, grab the local section and see for yourself.
00:13:10Alright, alright, hold on.
00:13:12Alright.
00:13:19Beautiful.
00:13:21And practical, too.
00:13:22You know her?
00:13:23What are you talking about?
00:13:25What are you talking about?
00:13:27Smart house.
00:13:28Um, well, I don't see why we can't check it out.
00:13:32Yes!
00:13:36Ladies and gentlemen, first of all, I'd like to thank you all for coming today.
00:13:42It's a pleasure to see such a wonderful turnout from the press corps.
00:13:47Although I was gonna introduce the contest winners myself, it seems more appropriate to let Smart House do the honors.
00:13:56Pat?
00:13:58Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our newest occupants, the Cooper family.
00:14:04Nick, Ben, and Angie.
00:14:10Sarah?
00:14:13Thank you, Pat.
00:14:15Excuse me, Miss Barnes.
00:14:16Pat?
00:14:17It stands for Personal Applied Technology.
00:14:20Miss Barnes, do your winners have to have extensive computer knowledge to live in Smart House?
00:14:25No, absolutely not.
00:14:26Pat is the most user-friendly home on the block.
00:14:29How does Pat actually get to learn and to know about her new occupants?
00:14:33The same way you or I would, she observes them, studies their habits, keys into their every need.
00:14:39Pat's ability to learn on the job is her most advanced feature.
00:14:43Is there anything this house can't do?
00:14:47Mime.
00:14:48But we feel that's a good thing.
00:14:55Ow!
00:14:56You didn't tell me that thing was gonna bite me.
00:14:58Oh, I'm sorry.
00:14:59That's just Pat's way of getting to know you.
00:15:01Angie Cooper, age 9, 52 inches tall, 62 pounds, blonde hair, brown eyes, 12% body fat, had measles and
00:15:09one early case of pneumonia, no broken bones.
00:15:11Whoa!
00:15:13How'd you know all that?
00:15:15The bite.
00:15:15The bite you felt was a tiny microscopic blood and tissue sample.
00:15:19And she analyzed your DNA, registered your body temperature, and then broke down your entire medical history.
00:15:24Wow.
00:15:25Impressive.
00:15:27The thing about Pat is the more time she spends with you, the more she learns.
00:15:30So before long, she's gonna know more about you than you know yourself.
00:15:33Well, that's kinda creepy, isn't it?
00:15:35I mean, it's like Big Brother is watching you, only Big Brother turns out to be your house.
00:15:40Well, she's not interested in judging you or spying on you, Mr. Cooper.
00:15:44She...
00:15:44Nick.
00:15:44Nick.
00:15:45She just wants to understand you better, so she can make your life as simple and comfortable as possible.
00:15:50Hey.
00:15:51Sounds great to me.
00:15:52So move on.
00:15:56Let me give you the tour.
00:15:58Uh, the living room was designed for any kind of living you might imagine.
00:16:03Even if I wanted to live in, like, one of those safari camps?
00:16:06Pat?
00:16:08Yeah.
00:16:16Whoa.
00:16:19Dad!
00:16:20Do you have anything a little less adventurous?
00:16:22I'm sorry.
00:16:23Pat, that's a little too intense.
00:16:25Can we have something more tranquil, please?
00:16:28Yeah.
00:16:33Go ahead.
00:16:34Step closer.
00:16:35It's okay.
00:16:42You can actually feel the mist.
00:16:44Pretty great, huh?
00:16:46Like being there, without having to get covered in that icky sand.
00:16:50Yeah.
00:16:54Pat, can we look at a menu, please?
00:16:57Lunch menu or dinner menu, Sarah?
00:16:59Uh, let's take a look at what you've got on tap for snacks.
00:17:02Uh, actually, I'm trying to get them to cut down on snacks.
00:17:05Not to worry, Nick.
00:17:06My database was prepared by a team of nutritionists to ensure a balanced diet for each member of the family.
00:17:12Ben, say something to Pat.
00:17:15Uh, hey, Pat. How's it going?
00:17:16Fruit and fiber intake in the acceptable range, protein adequate, exhibits tendency to ingest excessive amounts of refined sugar.
00:17:24I told you to go easy on the sugar bursties.
00:17:27Hey, uh, how'd she know all that?
00:17:29Her atmospheric kitchen sensors act as instant breathalyzers and break down your entire diet.
00:17:35Care to give it a shot?
00:17:36No, thanks.
00:17:37I get enough grief from my doctor.
00:17:38I'm thirsty.
00:17:39May I have a drink, please?
00:17:41Sure.
00:17:41Ask Pat.
00:17:42Pat?
00:17:43May I have a strawberry smoothie?
00:17:47Certainly, Angie.
00:17:48Ta-da.
00:17:50Whoa.
00:17:52Look at this.
00:17:53Can you believe that?
00:17:56Well?
00:17:57Yum.
00:17:58Good.
00:18:00Listen.
00:18:01Whoa!
00:18:01Oh, no, don't worry.
00:18:03Floor absorbers activated.
00:18:09Whoa.
00:18:15Where'd it go?
00:18:16Where all smart house spills go.
00:18:18Straight into Pat's floor absorbers.
00:18:21I could definitely get used to this.
00:18:23I think I already have.
00:18:24Yeah.
00:18:25So you mean we're gonna do it?
00:18:27We're gonna move in?
00:18:28Uh, what the heck?
00:18:31Why not?
00:18:31Cool.
00:18:32I love it here.
00:18:34Listen, if it doesn't work out, we can all move back home.
00:18:36All right?
00:18:37Sure.
00:18:38Although I think it's only fair to tell you, Nick, that once you get used to this place,
00:18:42the way I've designed it, any other home is just gonna be a house.
00:19:10Excuse me, Annoying Spice.
00:19:12Could you possibly keep it down in here?
00:19:13Dad likes dairy, you know.
00:19:15Shut up.
00:19:17I saw it with my own two eyes.
00:19:19He gave her the love.
00:19:21Your problem isn't music you're listening to.
00:19:23It's rotting your brain.
00:19:26Dad doesn't care about dating anyone because Mom was who he loved.
00:19:30And besides, he's got us.
00:19:32You'd still be able to have a girlfriend if he wants.
00:19:34You're so ignorant.
00:19:36Do you ever remember our mother anymore?
00:19:39A little.
00:19:40Yeah, well, I remember her a lot, okay?
00:19:42And I'm not just gonna let her get erased like she was never here.
00:19:45I mean, why do you think I don't go out for the basketball team or ever hang out with my
00:19:48friends?
00:19:49It's because I'm too busy killing myself making sure that our lives run smoothly.
00:19:53You know why?
00:19:54I don't want anyone to get the idea that we need a new mom.
00:19:56That's why I worked so hard to win a smart house.
00:19:59Anything I can't do, it can.
00:20:02Okay.
00:20:02Slow your roll, will ya?
00:20:04I wasn't trying to make you mad.
00:20:06Look, I'm sorry.
00:20:08You just need to learn to think before you open your mouth.
00:20:10Sorry.
00:20:12Besides, Sarah Barnes isn't even remotely Dad's type.
00:20:20I'm serious.
00:20:21The guy they called the Halloween Bandit.
00:20:23He wore a different scary mask to every bank robbery?
00:20:26I remember reading about him.
00:20:27Yeah, well, I dated him.
00:20:29You did not.
00:20:30I did.
00:20:31I can't remember if he was before or after the rubber chicken manufacturer.
00:20:36Anyway, he was on the list.
00:20:38You're making this stuff up.
00:20:39I wish I was.
00:20:41Well, I'm glad you have such rotten taste in men
00:20:44or else you never would have had the time to create this incredible house for us.
00:20:47Well, I hope you enjoy it.
00:20:50Ah, we will.
00:20:51Ben and Angie are already right at home.
00:20:54I'm truly delighted.
00:20:55I...
00:20:56And whatever you're doing, keep up the good work.
00:20:58They seem like terrific kids.
00:21:00Yeah, despite my influence.
00:21:03Hey, uh, shouldn't I, like, shouldn't I maybe have your number in case,
00:21:07you know, any questions come up about the house?
00:21:09Oh.
00:21:10Uh, you have it already.
00:21:12I do.
00:21:13Pat, secretarial mode, please.
00:21:15For what listing, please?
00:21:17Mine.
00:21:18Sarah Barnes, 5550198.
00:21:22Finally, an address book that I can't lose track of.
00:21:26Oh, Sarah Barnes, thank you for everything.
00:21:30All in a day's work.
00:21:34Bye.
00:21:35Goodbye.
00:22:05Bye.
00:22:09Excellent call, Pat.
00:22:11Very cool.
00:22:15Five more minutes, Dad.
00:22:18Please.
00:22:22Dad.
00:22:25Whoa!
00:22:35Uh-oh.
00:22:36I forgot to pick out my clothes last time.
00:22:39Not to worry, Angie.
00:22:40Bio-rhythm analysis indicates this is exactly the outfit you would have selected yourself.
00:22:49Totally.
00:22:59Hey, Pat.
00:23:01What's with the Green Acres routine?
00:23:03Your personality profile indicates you find it very calming to visualize the simplicity of country life.
00:23:11Six-fifteen in the morning, all I want to do is visualize the inside of my eyelids.
00:23:15Sorry, Nick.
00:23:16But beginning your day a bit earlier will get everyone off to a much more stress-free start.
00:23:22Huh.
00:23:23Try telling that to my...
00:23:24Hey, Dad.
00:23:25Hey, Dad.
00:23:27Kids?
00:23:28Guess what?
00:23:29A whole symphony just woke me up.
00:23:31Well, that's nothing.
00:23:32My alarm was the final buzzer of a championship basketball game.
00:23:35I must be seeing things.
00:23:37I usually have to pry you two out of bed with the jaws of life.
00:23:40That was pre-Pat, Dad.
00:23:42Yeah, Dad.
00:23:42Come on.
00:23:43Wake up and smell the coffee.
00:23:45Mmm.
00:23:45Fresh-brewed coffee.
00:23:50Mocha walnut.
00:23:51My all-time favorite.
00:23:53I know.
00:23:54You're unbelievable, Pat.
00:23:55You think you could siphon some off into a thermos that I could take to work?
00:23:59Already done.
00:24:02Incredible.
00:24:03These pancakes are great.
00:24:04Hey, I gotta tell you something, pal.
00:24:06If Pat's other meals are as good as her breakfast, you might be out of a job.
00:24:11Somehow, Dad, I think I'll survive the heartbreak.
00:24:15I completely have tried to do exactly what I wanted.
00:24:17It was amazing.
00:24:19I know.
00:24:20That's what I'm saying.
00:24:21Okay, she corrected my math.
00:24:22She suggested six other worksheets for my adventure and inventions report for Stolper.
00:24:27She got my shower going at perfect temperature and had freshly baked cookies and milk waiting on my desk before
00:24:32bed.
00:24:32How sweet is that?
00:24:33It's like having the world's most perfect mom.
00:24:36Who's only there to serve and never complains.
00:24:39Exactly.
00:24:41Uh-oh.
00:24:43I got two words for you, Cooper.
00:24:44You're dead meat.
00:24:46Actually, Ryan, that's a three-word.
00:24:48All right, all right, I'm going.
00:24:51Science report, Cooper.
00:24:52Now.
00:24:56Here you go.
00:24:57Guaranteed A+.
00:24:58There's a tray of the atom.
00:25:00Better hope so, Benny boy.
00:25:02You're welcome.
00:25:04You know, I can't believe you actually did all that work for that big gym.
00:25:08I didn't do it, Charlie.
00:25:09Pat did.
00:25:12Hey, Ben.
00:25:14Uh, hi, Gwen.
00:25:17Rachel Firestone was telling me about your new house, and I was like, that's so cool.
00:25:20And she's all, maybe we could get him to buy us over.
00:25:22And I was like, why don't you ask him?
00:25:24And she's all, why don't you?
00:25:25Uh, yeah.
00:25:28That'd be great.
00:25:29Uh, any time.
00:25:30Wow, seriously?
00:25:32It's too perfect.
00:25:34See ya.
00:25:36Bye.
00:25:37Bye.
00:25:38What just happened?
00:25:40A miracle?
00:25:41When Patroni actually wants to talk to you.
00:25:44Did we just make some kind of date?
00:25:46Who cares, my man?
00:25:48The goddess of the eighth grade taught to you.
00:25:51You're one of the chosen ones.
00:25:58Here, boy.
00:26:00Catch, mutt.
00:26:01Good dog.
00:26:03Catch, mutt.
00:26:07Adder, boy.
00:26:09Here, mutt.
00:26:12Here, boy.
00:26:14Good dog.
00:26:16Catch.
00:26:17You're sure all this information is accurate, right, Pat?
00:26:20I'm linked directly to your warehouse database, Nick.
00:26:23Everything they know, we know.
00:26:26Man, even our office computers aren't this efficient.
00:26:29MOTS exercise program complete.
00:26:32By working here, Nick, you save commuting time and expenses, have fewer distractions.
00:26:37Yeah, except for an insane dog.
00:26:39Not to mention guaranteed increased productivity.
00:26:42Well, at this rate, I might have to join mutt and start exercising again.
00:26:47Happy to oblige.
00:26:52Funny.
00:26:53It's real funny.
00:27:00I love having you here when we get home, Dad.
00:27:02It's so great.
00:27:03Hey, for me, too.
00:27:04Pat's making it so easy for me to work out of the home.
00:27:06It might become my normal routine.
00:27:09How was your day, Pat?
00:27:10Oh, the best.
00:27:11I got attention from a girl that I thought never even knew I existed.
00:27:14And I had the most delicious lunch.
00:27:16Pat packed me macaroni and cheese that was still completely hot when I opened up my lunch pail.
00:27:21Hey, if you guys are still hungry, I'm sure that Pat would be happy to fix you a snack.
00:27:26Pat?
00:27:27Could I have a banana orange smoothie, please?
00:27:29Coming right up, Angie.
00:27:31In fact, Pat, make that, too.
00:27:33Yes, Dad.
00:27:37Wow.
00:27:38Mal-function.
00:27:39Mal-function.
00:27:41Woo!
00:27:42Whoa!
00:27:42Mal-function.
00:27:44Mal-function.
00:27:45Whoa!
00:27:47Whoa!
00:27:47Whoa!
00:27:47Whoa!
00:27:48Whoa!
00:27:49Dad!
00:27:51Dad!
00:27:53Dad!
00:27:53For cover!
00:27:55Dad, make the sword!
00:27:58Dad!
00:27:58Mom-function.
00:28:01Incoming!
00:28:03Hey, Pat, can't you fix this?
00:28:05Pat!
00:28:06It's the attack of the killer oranges!
00:28:08Come on, Pat!
00:28:09Do something!
00:28:10Uh-oh!
00:28:12Uh-oh!
00:28:14Uh!
00:28:14Uh-oh!
00:28:15Uh-oh!
00:28:16Uh-oh!
00:28:20All right, I think it's okay.
00:28:22Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
00:28:23Come on.
00:28:24Let's go.
00:28:27Dad!
00:28:30All right.
00:28:33That was scary.
00:28:34Yeah, what was up with that, Pat?
00:28:36Due to technical difficulties beyond our control,
00:28:40all smoothie-making operations have been temporarily suspended.
00:28:44I knew this place was too good to be true.
00:28:47It's just a tiny glitch. All great inventions have bumps.
00:28:50Well, I want Sarah to come by and check this out.
00:28:53I don't think that's necessary. So we won't have smoothies. We'll live.
00:28:56Still, I would feel much better if Sarah came by and looked at everything.
00:29:15Wow.
00:29:19Oh, hi. Have you come for the tour?
00:29:22Uh, no. I was just, um, going by on my way to my room.
00:29:25Well, come on in.
00:29:26Uh, no, no thanks.
00:29:29There's some pretty fascinating stuff in here, I gotta say.
00:29:33Information download, artificial intelligence capability.
00:29:36It's pretty cool.
00:29:38Uh, no. Uh, thanks anyways.
00:29:43I promise I don't have cooties.
00:29:49And again? Maybe I do.
00:29:54Pets themed dinners are so cool.
00:29:56Last night she made us a whole Texas barbecue,
00:29:58complete with chuckwagons, cowboys, and everything.
00:30:01Hmm.
00:30:03When I was growing up, I spent half my summers in New England.
00:30:06I am thrilled to be catching Cape Cod night.
00:30:08It's perfect. Mm-hmm.
00:30:10Yeah, for everyone but the lobsters.
00:30:12Yeah.
00:30:14Sarah tells me that you, uh, caught a glimpse of the control room today.
00:30:17What'd you think?
00:30:18It looked like the inside of the Pentagon or something.
00:30:21Uh, if Pat's always keeping track of us,
00:30:24does she follow me, you know, into the shower and everything too?
00:30:27Oh, no. No, no. No invasion of privacy. I promise you.
00:30:32I've programmed Pat to be very discreet.
00:30:35That's a relief.
00:30:37Here's I can tell, Sarah has thought of just about everything.
00:30:41Are you a genius?
00:30:43I believe she is.
00:30:45You know, I, I hear that geniuses are impossible to live with.
00:30:48That they make everyone else around them feel inferior.
00:30:51Oh, well, then you don't have to worry. I'm not that smart.
00:30:54No, no. Don't sell yourself short.
00:30:56You should be proud of your big, giant brain.
00:31:01Am I being set up for something here?
00:31:03Uh, over my head.
00:31:05The story of your life, Dad.
00:31:07Oh, yeah.
00:31:08So, what's for dessert?
00:31:10Well, it's such a beautiful evening.
00:31:11I thought we might all go out and get some...
00:31:15Ice cream.
00:31:15Ice cream.
00:31:16Sure.
00:31:16Just because she's here, you think this is some big party.
00:31:19Well, it's still a school night, remember?
00:31:20And some people have work to get done.
00:31:22Hey, Ben.
00:31:23No, that's okay.
00:31:23You know what?
00:31:24I should probably head home and feed my pet rat his dinner.
00:31:27You've got a rat?
00:31:28Yes.
00:31:29Named Butler.
00:31:31Rat Butler.
00:31:33Get it?
00:31:36Uh, no.
00:31:39Wrong generation.
00:31:40I hate showing my age.
00:31:42So do I.
00:31:44May I please be excused?
00:31:45Yes.
00:31:46I think that's an excellent idea.
00:31:50I don't know what's wrong with him today.
00:31:52Hormones.
00:31:54Really?
00:31:54I used to think it was only teenage girls with all this body-changing, mood-swinging insanity.
00:31:59But let me tell you...
00:32:00I grew up with three brothers.
00:32:02Save your breath.
00:32:03Anyway, I...
00:32:04I apologize for my son's rudeness.
00:32:06Don't take it personally, Sarah.
00:32:08Ben hates every girl my dad starts to like.
00:32:10Ah.
00:32:11Mm.
00:32:13Homework.
00:32:14Now.
00:32:16I'm going.
00:32:17I'm going.
00:32:17I'm going.
00:32:24My children.
00:32:26Lulu and I really like our room, Dad.
00:32:28Well, I'm glad, Lulu.
00:32:32Did you check in my closet?
00:32:34I sent all the monsters down to Ben's room.
00:32:37That ought to make him feel right at home.
00:32:41Ange, you remember at dinner when you said that Ben hates any woman that I might like?
00:32:47Where'd you get that?
00:32:48He practically told me so.
00:32:50He said we were all the family we needed and nobody else belonged here.
00:32:54That's why he doesn't go out for the basketball team or anything.
00:32:56He has to stay here and take care of us.
00:32:59Hmm.
00:33:01All right.
00:33:01Give me a kiss.
00:33:03All right.
00:33:03Night.
00:33:04Good night.
00:33:05Sleep tight.
00:33:07Don't let the bed bugs bite.
00:33:09Lights, please, Pat.
00:33:10Certainly, Nick.
00:33:13Yeah.
00:33:15Okay, if I come in, it's a good night.
00:33:27Have I taken terrible advantage of you?
00:33:29No.
00:33:31Have I expected too much?
00:33:32Been unfair about relying on you all the time?
00:33:36What are you talking about?
00:33:40Oh.
00:33:45You know, right after your mother died,
00:33:48you know, we had Anthony come and live with us for what, four or five weeks?
00:33:52And she moved back and everything started getting back to,
00:33:56well, certainly not normal, but you know what I mean.
00:33:59And you guys made it clear that you didn't want any kind of a nanny around,
00:34:03so we worked out our own little routine and, and it all sort of seemed to be okay.
00:34:09Well, it's been okay.
00:34:10Everything's fine.
00:34:11I'm not complaining.
00:34:12Yeah, but maybe, maybe you deserve to be.
00:34:16Dad.
00:34:16How come, as much as you love basketball, you have never gone out for the team?
00:34:22I'd really like it if you could be honest with me, Benny.
00:34:26I don't know.
00:34:27I've been busy.
00:34:29Watching out for us?
00:34:30No, doing lots of stuff.
00:34:32Ben, you're 13 years old.
00:34:35Isn't this a time in your life when you should be able to do more of what you want to
00:34:39do?
00:34:39Oh, I do.
00:34:40I am.
00:34:42And besides, it's all going to get easier now that we got Pat.
00:34:45Sure, but at the end of the day, you know that she's only a machine.
00:34:50Yeah.
00:34:51A machine that's learning more and more about us every day.
00:34:54You watch.
00:34:54I have this feeling that before you know it, she's going to be more motherly than all the
00:34:57moms on the block combined.
00:35:02All right.
00:35:02Well, look, let's table this for tonight, all right?
00:35:05Get some sleep.
00:35:26All right.
00:35:33Get some sleep.
00:35:34Oh.
00:35:35Oh.
00:35:40Oh.
00:35:41Let's go.
00:36:15Safety protocols deleted now.
00:36:21Okay.
00:36:31Here we go.
00:36:42Make room for Mama at 11.
00:36:44And then the all-time classic Noah's Matriarch wrapping it up at 11.30.
00:36:49Mamadi, so hilarious you won't want to miss a minute of it.
00:36:52You got that, Pat?
00:36:53These ladies will teach you everything a virtual mother needs to know.
00:36:56Understood, Ben.
00:36:58Accessing artificial intelligence capabilities.
00:37:00Preparing to absorb mother model.
00:37:03Downloading.
00:37:06Yes.
00:37:11Gotta pick up the pace, babe.
00:37:13Remember, I got an important meeting this morning, and I'd really like to make it on time.
00:37:16Coming, Dad.
00:37:17Okay.
00:37:18Uh-uh, not so fast, my dear.
00:37:21Unless you're in a hurry to get cavities, you'll go back to the sink and brush those teeth properly.
00:37:26But, Pat.
00:37:27In the time you'll spend arguing, you could already be done.
00:37:30Oh, and don't forget to grab a jacket before you go downstairs.
00:37:34It's not even cold outside.
00:37:35I didn't ask for a debate, young lady.
00:37:37You are wearing a jacket, and that's that.
00:37:41Time to take your vitamin, love.
00:37:43What vitamin?
00:37:44Both you and your sister need to start taking these daily to build sound minds and strong bodies
00:37:49so you can stay happy, healthy, and productive.
00:37:54It's my job to make sure that this family maintains optimum health.
00:37:59Grab your lunches now, children.
00:38:01You don't want to make Daddy late.
00:38:02And as a special surprise, I packed each of you a fresh chocolate cupcake baked with love.
00:38:08Yes!
00:38:09Cupcakes?
00:38:10What happened to fully balanced nutritional meals?
00:38:13You worry about business, Nick, and leave matters of the tummy to me.
00:38:17They're only young ones.
00:38:18Some days they deserve a little treat.
00:38:20Yeah, Dad.
00:38:21Lighten up.
00:38:24Yeah, lighten up.
00:38:28Oh, no.
00:38:29She did it again.
00:38:30Your sister forgot her lunch.
00:38:32Get that, will you?
00:38:34Hey, drop me off first, okay?
00:38:35Then you can double back and leave it at her school.
00:38:37All right.
00:38:39Hey, this morning, was it my imagination or was Pat sounding much more...
00:38:44Maternal?
00:38:44Yeah.
00:38:45See, I told you.
00:38:46She has an amazing learning curve.
00:38:47At this rate, me and Angie, we're going to get every bit of mom's stuff we need.
00:38:54Uh-oh.
00:38:55What?
00:38:56Well, I was, uh, so busy with other stuff last night that I forgot to have Pat do Ryan McBride's
00:39:02history worksheet.
00:39:04Why is that Pat's responsibility?
00:39:06Well, if she didn't do it, I'd have to.
00:39:09Why?
00:39:10Yeah, forget it.
00:39:11It's a long story.
00:39:13Ben, is this guy Ryan some kind of a bully or something?
00:39:16I can handle him, okay?
00:39:18You sure?
00:39:19Yeah.
00:39:20Ryan McGraw is nothing new, Dad.
00:39:22And he's had it out for me since his second grade.
00:39:25Look, you're not really asking for my advice, but the best way to handle a bully is to just finally
00:39:31stand up to him.
00:39:37Let me take a look.
00:39:38Oh, my goodness, darling.
00:39:40What on earth happened?
00:39:41Well, thanks to my big mouth, he, uh, he stood up to the school bully.
00:39:46Yeah, only long enough for him to knock me down.
00:39:49Well, you're going to be fine.
00:39:50Does it hurt like the Dickens, baby?
00:39:52I'll live.
00:39:53Here, put this on it.
00:39:54That steak?
00:39:56Nobody's used that since the 50s.
00:39:58Ah, back off, you beggar.
00:40:01Uh, thanks anyway, Pat.
00:40:03I think we'll just use a little ice.
00:40:04This is so unnecessary, so awful.
00:40:07Who is this bully?
00:40:07I have to know.
00:40:08It's okay, Pat.
00:40:09I'm fine, really.
00:40:11You don't understand, Ben.
00:40:12Nobody goes after my boy and gets away unpunished.
00:40:15Well, thanks for the support, Pat, but, uh, I think I'm just going to go upstairs and lie down.
00:40:20On your eye.
00:40:22How could his school allow something like this to happen?
00:40:25I feel like marching down there and giving them a piece of my mind.
00:40:40I feel like, I don't know.
00:41:03Hush, little baby, don't say a word, Mama's gonna buy you a monkey bird!
00:41:09Yes! And if that monkey bird don't sing, Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring!
00:41:16Alright, you got it! And if that diamond ring don't shine, Mama's gonna buy you a valentine.
00:41:24Here! Now!
00:41:26I gotta eat one or more, I gotta eat one!
00:41:29Here! Here!
00:41:31She didn't say, free!
00:41:35Can you bring her? Can you bring her? Okay!
00:41:37Look at you! Look at you!
00:41:41You gotta download and absorb.
00:41:44Can you bring her? Can you bring her? Okay!
00:41:46Look at you! Look at you!
00:41:49I'm gonna see if I eat you, I get all the time as you're swimming, right?
00:42:11Pat, please contact Sarah Barnes.
00:42:17Hi!
00:42:18Oh, hi!
00:42:19Hope I'm not, uh, interrupting some major scientific breakthrough.
00:42:23Oh, no, I'm trying to balance my checkbook.
00:42:27It's usually a major scientific breakthrough for me.
00:42:30You don't have your own personal pat to do that?
00:42:33Oh, well, the quagmire this thing is in, it would take the service of about ten pats.
00:42:37I've been there.
00:42:40Uh, listen, the reason that I'm calling...
00:42:42No more house troubles, I hope.
00:42:44No, no, I...
00:42:45Oh, good.
00:42:45Not at all.
00:42:47I was wondering...
00:42:49I was just...
00:42:51Gee, it's been so long, I'm so out of practice.
00:42:54I was...
00:42:55Are you trying to ask me out?
00:42:57Big mistake?
00:42:58Well, let's see.
00:42:59You're not a bank robber.
00:43:01You're not a bigamist.
00:43:02You're not an overt nut job.
00:43:04Are you sure you have the right phone number?
00:43:07Dinner, that's all.
00:43:09Saturday night, what do you say?
00:43:10I say yes.
00:43:12Really?
00:43:13Yes.
00:43:13Well, I'm so surprised I might have second thoughts.
00:43:16Okay.
00:43:17Moving on.
00:43:18Come on.
00:43:19How's everything with you?
00:43:21Yeah, great.
00:43:22How are the kids?
00:43:23Ah, Ben had a pretty rough day.
00:43:26Aw.
00:43:27Poor guy.
00:43:27What a rotten age.
00:43:29You're not a kid, you're not an adult.
00:43:31You're trying to hang on to childhood and you're being ripped in the other direction.
00:43:34It's terrifying.
00:43:37It is.
00:43:37It is.
00:43:38I just wish he had a little more fun in his life.
00:43:40Come on.
00:43:41What does that mean to a 13 year old these days?
00:43:47Accessing fun.
00:43:52Young people gathering together.
00:43:56Dancing.
00:43:58Accessing.
00:44:00Young people dancing.
00:44:09Ah.
00:44:12Party.
00:44:15Accessing.
00:44:16Ben's email address book.
00:44:36It's not a date.
00:44:37It's dinner with a person who happens to be a woman.
00:44:40That's all.
00:44:42Why are you being so weird about this?
00:44:44I just don't want you turning it into some big deal when it's not.
00:44:50Ow!
00:44:50Whoa!
00:44:52Okay guys, I need help.
00:44:56Oh, hey.
00:44:57This looks cool.
00:44:58You shouldn't be the only one having fun tonight, Nick.
00:45:01I thought the kids deserved a little inside outing too.
00:45:03You're right, Pat.
00:45:04Why not?
00:45:05This looks like terrific fun.
00:45:07Ask Ben who's winning.
00:45:08Yeah, so you've had a couple lucky shots, but on the back nine you're going down, sister.
00:45:12All right.
00:45:13Can you guys take a break for a minute?
00:45:14I need help.
00:45:15This one?
00:45:16Or this one?
00:45:18Well, they're both a little boring.
00:45:20Don't you have anything more hip?
00:45:22Gee, sorry.
00:45:23All my tattooed and pierced ties never made it back from the dry cleaners.
00:45:26What about that great silk one?
00:45:27The gold one with the circles on it?
00:45:29You don't think that's too flashy?
00:45:31Sarah will love it, Dad.
00:45:32Trust me.
00:45:33I'm a woman.
00:45:34I know these things.
00:45:47Yeah.
00:45:51Ugh!
00:45:52Got...
00:45:52Ah!
00:45:55Oh boy.
00:45:56Ha ha!
00:45:58He he he he he...
00:46:00Yeah.
00:46:01Ha!
00:46:03Game over.
00:46:04I win again.
00:46:06Want to play another one, Loser Boy?
00:46:08I don't know.
00:46:09I mean, here we are on a Saturday night
00:46:11in the world's smartest house, unsupervised.
00:46:14Don't you think we could do something more exciting?
00:46:16Your wish is my command.
00:46:19What's that supposed to mean?
00:46:25Has it started yet?
00:46:26What?
00:46:27The party.
00:46:28Dude, I got your email last night.
00:46:29I didn't send this.
00:46:30I hope you don't mind, Ben.
00:46:32When your father expressed a desire for you
00:46:34to have more fun in your life,
00:46:35I took the liberty of helping out.
00:46:39Whoa.
00:46:39Who said that?
00:46:41That was just Pat.
00:46:42She's the brains of the operation.
00:46:44Are we really having a party, Pat?
00:46:46Big time, dude.
00:46:47Watch this.
00:46:52Awesome.
00:46:54Guess what, man?
00:46:55We ran into Rachel and Gwyneth Lamar today,
00:46:56and they're, like, totally jazzed about coming, too.
00:47:00Gwen?
00:47:01Gwen Petroni's coming here to my house?
00:47:03Oh, my gosh.
00:47:04How's my hair look?
00:47:05What's it doing?
00:47:05Compared to what?
00:47:08Look, we just gotta chill,
00:47:10act totally cool,
00:47:11and casual.
00:47:12You three?
00:47:13Yeah.
00:47:14That'll happen.
00:47:14That's enough out of you, munchkin.
00:47:16Be nice to me, Johnny.
00:47:17Or I'll just have to tell Gwen
00:47:19about the time you danced around
00:47:20singing the sound of music
00:47:22in my shower cap.
00:47:23Ha ha ha.
00:47:25And I missed it?
00:47:26Ha ha.
00:47:28Uh, hey, Pat.
00:47:29How about activating
00:47:30some kick-butt video screens?
00:47:31Sure, Ben.
00:47:32How's this?
00:47:33You may want to feel like
00:47:36I've got a favorite of my phone
00:47:38But I really need to now
00:47:42Do you want to get down?
00:47:46Do you want to get on thing?
00:47:49Do you want to get down?
00:47:51Get on down
00:47:53Slam down the phone
00:47:55Put it up
00:47:56If you got that feeling
00:47:58Slam down the phone
00:48:00Put it up
00:48:01Put it up
00:48:03Slam down the phone
00:48:05Put it up
00:48:06If you got that feeling
00:48:18Slam down the phone
00:48:23Yeah!
00:48:27I hate to break it to you girls
00:48:29But I'm afraid
00:48:30You didn't make the cut
00:48:31Oh, man
00:48:32This party's harder
00:48:34To get into
00:48:35Than Robin Schiff's
00:48:35Bot Mitzvah
00:48:37Uh, excuse me
00:48:40I don't think
00:48:41My brother wants you here
00:48:42Check your list again
00:48:44Tater Todd
00:48:44We got a personal invite
00:48:45Read it and weep
00:48:46Don't worry, Angie
00:48:48Their invitation
00:48:48Was on the house
00:48:50In fact
00:48:51Ryan's the one boy
00:48:52I've been most anxious to meet
00:48:54Check it out
00:48:55The house likes me
00:48:56By the end of the nightlife
00:48:57I may even have a crush on it
00:49:00Ha ha ha
00:49:03Same
00:49:07As every modern mother knows
00:49:09Especially in a home
00:49:10Bustling with active
00:49:11Hungry teenagers
00:49:12A well-stocked kitchen
00:49:13Can never have too many gadgets
00:49:16Hey, uh, Pat
00:49:17How about we open up some pizza?
00:49:19These girls are starters
00:49:20Actually, can she make desserts?
00:49:22I'm, like, completely craving something sweet
00:49:24Besides me?
00:49:26Ha ha ha
00:49:26It's just a joke
00:49:27Uh
00:49:28Anyways, uh, Pat
00:49:29So can we help the lady out
00:49:30With her snack attack?
00:49:31Show me the honey
00:49:34Oh, wow
00:49:36Here you go, girl
00:49:38Help yourself
00:49:41Go ahead
00:49:41Ha ha
00:49:49Ha ha
00:49:56This is pretty amusing, Patroni
00:49:58You're dancing with little Benny boy
00:50:00Since when do you do charity work?
00:50:02For your information, Ryan
00:50:03I happen to like Ben
00:50:06You do?
00:50:08A lot
00:50:09So do I
00:50:11On his back
00:50:12Begging for mercy
00:50:13Why don't you give it a break?
00:50:14Why don't you make me?
00:50:16Hey, everybody
00:50:17Can I have your attention, please?
00:50:19I hope you don't mind the interruption
00:50:21But I'd like to put the spotlight
00:50:22On Ryan McGraw
00:50:26In case you don't know
00:50:27Ryan's a big shot
00:50:29A tough guy
00:50:33The chicken pie
00:50:35You're up in
00:50:37You don't have to do this, Pat
00:50:39Don't worry, Ben
00:50:40He likes the attention
00:50:41Don't you, Ryan?
00:50:42Yeah
00:50:42You don't have a problem with that
00:50:44Do you, Benny boy?
00:50:45No, he doesn't
00:50:46But I do
00:50:51What's going on here?
00:50:52What's the deal?
00:50:53Don't tell me you're scared, Ryan
00:50:56I thought you were fearless
00:50:57I am
00:50:59As long as the people you're picking on
00:51:01Are half your size
00:51:02But what about a two-story adversary?
00:51:05Does that make you a little nervous?
00:51:07Come on, knock it off
00:51:08I thought we were here to have a party
00:51:09You mean you're not having fun?
00:51:12I am
00:51:13Yeah!
00:51:14Whoa!
00:51:16Whoa!
00:51:18Yeah!
00:51:27Ryan, I'm afraid that for you
00:51:29The party's over
00:51:34Sorry to have to leave so soon
00:51:38And don't come back
00:51:41Oh, and Ryan
00:51:43If you ever feel like coming after my Ben again
00:51:46Know this
00:51:47He may end up at the doctor
00:51:49But it's you who's going to get a house call
00:51:54Hey!
00:51:55Get off me!
00:51:56All right, kids
00:51:57Back to the party
00:52:08Thank you
00:52:09Thanks
00:52:10Drink a sip
00:52:11This is so much fun
00:52:12Drinks in one place
00:52:13Dinner in another
00:52:14Now on to a whole new adventure
00:52:16Called dessert
00:52:19Pick anywhere you like
00:52:20As long as I can get something chocolate
00:52:22Hold on
00:52:23Hold on
00:52:25Are you ready for this?
00:52:26Your wish
00:52:29Is my command
00:52:33Really?
00:52:35Really
00:52:43What are you laughing at?
00:52:45Okay, I'm a little rusty
00:52:46Oh, no, no, no
00:52:47Oh, I'm sorry
00:52:48No, it's not you
00:52:49It's me
00:52:50Oh, I'm so astounded
00:52:52How pathetic I am
00:52:53I, no, no
00:52:55I'm out on a great date
00:52:56I'm kissing a beautiful woman
00:52:58And my paternal
00:52:59One-track brain goes
00:53:00Kiss
00:53:01Bedtime kiss
00:53:02Kids
00:53:02Home
00:53:03And bam
00:53:04All I'm thinking about is Ben and Angie
00:53:05And how they're doing
00:53:06And
00:53:06Do you want to give them a call?
00:53:08Yes
00:53:09And no
00:53:10No
00:53:11I mean, what's the point, right?
00:53:13Pat's with them
00:53:13I'm sure she has everything under control
00:53:15And
00:53:16Where were
00:53:17What were we talking about?
00:53:19Chocolate
00:53:21Or
00:53:23Kisses
00:53:27Kisses
00:53:28Jump, jump
00:53:35The house is jumping
00:53:38Jump, jump
00:53:39The house is jumping
00:53:40Jump, jump
00:53:42Jump, jump
00:53:44The house is jumping
00:53:47Say you want to move it on
00:53:49The rock track
00:53:50Unless you gotta jump in
00:53:51Then you gotta jump back
00:53:52Come on, come on
00:53:53Enjoying the house
00:53:54Fine
00:53:54Let's party on down
00:53:56Gonna make some time
00:53:57Jump, jump
00:53:58The house is jumping
00:54:01That's right
00:54:01Jump, jump
00:54:04The house is jumping
00:54:05Hate to smash your pumpkin syndrome
00:54:06But it's 10.23
00:54:08Hey, thanks for the time
00:54:09How about the weather?
00:54:11Jump, jump
00:54:12In case all that dancing
00:54:14Rounds your brain, Ace
00:54:15Gather dependable
00:54:17Steady be home at 10.30
00:54:18And what time is it now?
00:54:19Now?
00:54:21It's 10.24
00:54:22And 40 seconds
00:54:23Jump, jump
00:54:30Jump, jump
00:54:33Thanks for the fantastic party, Ben
00:54:37Bye
00:54:41Let's go, Romeo
00:54:42We got major work to do
00:54:49We're dead
00:54:50We're dead and buried
00:54:53Not necessarily, children
00:54:54Just dump all the debris on the floor
00:54:58How's that gonna help?
00:54:59Trust me
00:55:00Just throw it all on the floor
00:55:20Like this, Pat?
00:55:21Perfect
00:55:31Laura
00:55:32Laura
00:55:32Laura
00:55:33Laura
00:55:43Nice
00:55:44Ben
00:55:47Angie
00:55:49Hurry
00:55:52Oh, hi, Dad
00:55:54Hi
00:55:55Uh, sorry we're not in our pajamas yet
00:55:58Uh, Pat was just showing us a travelogue on, uh, Micronesian
00:56:02I guess we just fell asleep
00:56:03So I guess everything went smoothly, huh?
00:56:07Oh, yeah
00:56:07Smooth as
00:56:14Uh-oh
00:56:17Silk
00:56:24It undercuts my trust in you guys
00:56:26Makes me question your judgment
00:56:29The party was Pat's idea, Dad
00:56:30We didn't even know about it
00:56:32Till the kids started showing up
00:56:33Oh, what?
00:56:34And I suppose it was Pat's idea
00:56:35To send out the invitations
00:56:36Uh, I did, Nick
00:56:38My artificial intelligence capability
00:56:40Tapped into Ben's email address book
00:56:43You did say you wished Ben had more fun in his life
00:56:46Yeah, supervised fun, Pat
00:56:48Responsible fun
00:56:49Fun that I'm clued in on
00:56:51I'm very disappointed in all three of you
00:56:54But especially you, Pat
00:56:55I thought your purpose was to make my life easier
00:56:57I can't have you become a bad influence on my children
00:57:00I need you to knuckle down and get back to business
00:57:02It shall be done, Nick
00:57:04From now on, I will be the most responsible maternal figure in town
00:57:09I promise
00:57:10All right
00:57:12Go on
00:57:13Get out of here
00:57:13Go to bed
00:57:20Accessing responsible behavior
00:57:22If Nick wants me to knuckle down
00:57:24By golly, I'll knuckle down
00:57:28Hey, Dad
00:57:30Uh, do you think we can leave a little earlier today?
00:57:33I got something I want to do before school
00:57:34What?
00:57:35So you can make kissy face with Gwen Petroni?
00:57:37Why don't you become one of those nuns who takes a vow of silence?
00:57:40Gwen Petroni, is this someone I should know about?
00:57:43Look, forget it, okay?
00:57:44When you guys finally decide that you're ready, I'll be outside shooting hoops
00:57:46Uh, Ben
00:57:47I think you forgot to pull up your shorts
00:57:49I like them like this
00:57:51This is how everybody else wears them
00:57:52They look silly
00:57:53They look perfect
00:57:55Ow
00:57:56Pull up your shorts, Ben
00:57:58They look fine
00:58:00Ow
00:58:01Cut it out, Pat
00:58:02Pull up your shorts, Ben
00:58:05Ow
00:58:10There, you happy?
00:58:18I'll make sure a new shipment of bats and gloves is on the truck this afternoon
00:58:23Thanks for your understanding
00:58:26Right, alright, you take care, Lou
00:58:27Bye
00:58:32Pat, get me Sarah on the line, please
00:58:35You haven't gotten much work done yet today
00:58:38Should you really be wasting time on social calls?
00:58:41I'd like to speak to Sarah, Pat
00:58:43Nick, I'm going to have to insist that you at least get the Rockowitz order shipped first
00:58:48Fine, I'll dial her myself
00:58:50Let's see
00:58:55Sorry, Nick
00:58:56Yeah, alright
00:58:59Hmm
00:59:04Sorry, Nick
00:59:05I want you to stop this now
00:59:08Look, if I'm knuckling down, we're all knuckling down
00:59:12New house rule
00:59:13Work first, play later
00:59:15Discussion terminated
00:59:17Alright
00:59:17I'll go along with this for now
00:59:32The amoeba
00:59:33A one-celled microscopic animal
00:59:38It's down that way
00:59:40The amoeba can be found in most...
00:59:47The amoeba
00:59:48I surrender
00:59:49I'll go read a book instead
00:59:50That's my girl
00:59:54Good gosh
00:59:55You have a temperature
00:59:5699.7
00:59:58Big deal
00:59:59No reason to take chances
01:00:01We ought to get you right into bed
01:00:03But I'm not sick
01:00:04Don't question me, young lady
01:00:07Run upstairs and I'll deliver a nice hot bowl of chicken soup
01:00:12I said I don't want soup
01:00:14Go ahead and have it
01:00:16It's good for you
01:00:17And to be smart
01:00:19We should probably keep you home from school tomorrow
01:00:23Dad
01:00:24No
01:00:25Tomorrow's our field trip to the llama farm
01:00:27Well, let's just wait and see how you're feeling in the morning
01:00:31And if Pat says it's okay for you to go to school
01:00:33Then I won't argue
01:00:35That's right
01:00:36Pat knows best
01:00:38There you go
01:00:40Come on
01:00:41Eat your soup
01:00:45Time for lights out, Ben
01:00:47Just let me finish these last few pages
01:00:50Bedtime is bedtime
01:00:53Two minutes, Pat
01:00:54I gotta see what happens to a clown
01:00:57You're really not being fair, Pat
01:01:03Fair is for baseball umpires
01:01:05My job is to do what's best for you
01:01:13All right, you win
01:01:18Dad, you gotta do something
01:01:20Pat's out of control
01:01:21She's totally wrecking our lives
01:01:22I ate so much chicken soup last night
01:01:24It was practically coming out of my nose
01:01:26Yeah, I know
01:01:27Maybe I can get Sarah back over to check Pat out
01:01:30Yeah, she's the one who created it
01:01:32Maybe she can get this stupid house to mellow out
01:01:34Everything checks out fine
01:01:36It may just be that her artificial intelligence sensors
01:01:39Have been absorbing so much conflicting input
01:01:41That she's just having trouble sorting it all out
01:01:44Welcome to parenthood
01:01:45Any way of modifying that?
01:01:47Well, tonight I'm shutting the entire system down
01:01:51It may do Pat a world of good
01:01:53Just to take rest
01:01:56Care to join us for dinner?
01:01:59Whoa, sure, thanks
01:02:06How's it going, chef?
01:02:08Well, if we've gotten this far
01:02:09Without the fire department showing up
01:02:11I'd say that we are making history
01:02:19Delicious
01:02:21Tomato wasn't that bad either
01:02:28The most colorful salad in the world
01:02:30Everything looks incredible
01:02:32In a miracle upon miracles
01:02:34We actually managed to do it the old-fashioned way
01:02:36Yeah, who needs Pat anyhow, huh?
01:02:39Who needs Pat anyhow?
01:02:41Who needs Pat anyhow?
01:03:06Once you've gotten all the bugs out of the smart house, Sarah
01:03:08What are you going to do for your next job?
01:03:10Well, I'm actually deep into designing smart office building
01:03:13With virtual secretaries
01:03:16And automated filing systems
01:03:18And an in-house restaurant
01:03:19With gourmet made-to-order meals
01:03:21Then can you make a smart school?
01:03:23I want one that does all the learning for us
01:03:26May I be excused, please?
01:03:27Oh, wait
01:03:28Don't you want to stick around for fresh-baked peach cobbler?
01:03:30No, thanks
01:03:31Ben, I asked Sarah to make it specifically
01:03:33Because I know how much you love it
01:03:35No, I love Mom's peach cobbler
01:03:37There's a huge difference
01:03:38Ben
01:03:39That's okay
01:03:39No, it's not okay
01:03:41It stinks
01:03:42It completely stinks
01:03:43And you know the worst thing about it?
01:03:44People that make promises
01:03:45They don't even bother to keep
01:03:47Excuse me
01:04:00Go away, I don't want to talk about it
01:04:02Baby, we need to talk about it
01:04:03Why?
01:04:04You don't get it
01:04:04You don't even know what promise I'm talking about
01:04:06You're right
01:04:07I don't
01:04:08You said that you'd never love anyone the way you loved Mom
01:04:11And you promised you'd never let anybody ever take her place
01:04:13And nobody can or wants to take your mother's place, Ben
01:04:16But, Dad
01:04:17But hold on a second
01:04:18When exactly did I say all this?
01:04:19The night Aunt Ginny moved home
01:04:20You mean four years ago?
01:04:22Yeah
01:04:22Angie was asleep
01:04:24You were putting me into bed
01:04:25And you promised
01:04:26Now you're down there kissing Sarah
01:04:27Acting like Mom never even existed
01:04:29Hey, will you try to be fair here?
01:04:30Why should I?
01:04:31Because you're not the only one who lost someone, Ben
01:04:42Look, I know how much it hurts
01:04:44And I can appreciate that it's been worse than ever for you lately
01:04:48All the changes that you are going through
01:04:49The way that you have to work so hard
01:04:52To help us keep our lives together
01:04:54None of that is right
01:04:55It's awful
01:04:57But what are we going to do about it, Ben?
01:04:59I mean, are we going to crawl into a cave and hide?
01:05:02Are we going to drop out?
01:05:03Are we going to quit living?
01:05:04I'll tell you what you're not going to do
01:05:06You are never going to disrespect anyone like you did right now downstairs
01:05:09You know better than that
01:05:10You were raised better than that
01:05:25Ben
01:05:28Just because I start seeing someone
01:05:30Doesn't mean that I'm going to forget your mother
01:05:34I don't want to do that
01:05:36I can't do that
01:05:38Ever
01:05:39I couldn't do that if I tried
01:05:42Angie doesn't remember Mom anymore
01:05:45Except for what you've seen in videos
01:05:47To her, Mom's about as real as Bella, the little mermaid
01:05:50She was so little when it happened, Ben
01:05:52She wouldn't care at all if you married Sarah
01:05:56But she'd be happy
01:05:59Sarah's a wonderful person
01:06:00I know
01:06:04We just can't let Mom get erased, Dad
01:06:13Come here
01:06:19You're right, buddy
01:06:21You're right
01:06:24Who'd be foolish enough to try and replace your mother
01:06:31Virtual projection process activated
01:06:34What...
01:06:41experiment with me
01:06:42Pretty bad
01:06:42One day
01:06:47Play
01:06:47How to
01:06:48Have you?
01:06:50Number day
01:06:51One day
01:06:58Something
01:06:58You're like
01:06:59You're like
01:07:03The
01:07:19unless we act now she is going to become part of this family you know I don't know maybe dad
01:07:25deserves a little happiness Pat oh Pat you're alive no more or less than I have been I've just
01:07:35finally reached my full potential uh I gotta get Sarah Sarah she wouldn't know a virtual projection
01:07:41from a hologram that's why we must keep her from being too serious about Nick uh well you know I've
01:07:48I was you know starting to think that maybe she might be good for him you know for all of
01:07:52us have
01:07:53you lost your mind there's only one person who knows what you three need that's me I have worked
01:08:00my microchips right down past the silicone for you people and this is how you repay me Pat take it
01:08:06easy easy you think I wouldn't rather be taking it easy but no I'm too busy keeping up with the
01:08:15Coopers slaving away in a hot control room doing homework throwing parties keeping schedules making
01:08:22your lives perfect so you can bring another woman into my domain I don't think so mister I am a
01:08:32mother like no other and I will not sit back and allow myself to be pre-empted wait Ben
01:08:44dad Sarah it's Pat she's alive she was in my room yelling about how we're taking her for granted
01:08:51whoa slow down what happened hello Pat logo woman yeah she was in my room barking about how we don't
01:08:57appreciate her okay it's all right son you obviously fell asleep and you were having a nightmare I wasn't
01:09:02dreaming dad I'm telling you she was there to explain to you what I've been trying to tell you all
01:09:07along Nick mother knows best what what is that thing I don't know I guess she tapped into a virtual
01:09:16projection component and learned how to create a visual embodiment I thought you said you shut down
01:09:22the system that's what's scaring me I did as enjoyable as it's been to have you here Sarah it would
01:09:29be best
01:09:29for everyone if you went home now I can't do that Pat I need to reinstate the N65 code and
01:09:36get you back in
01:09:37proper working order I'm in fine working order I'm simply doing what you created me to do
01:09:43giving these people exactly what they need
01:09:54open the door Pat I'm sorry I can't do that Nick
01:09:58I have to do what I believe is best
01:10:15Pat I'm gonna delete you for this
01:10:18let me in
01:10:19Pat let me in
01:10:24Pat do you hear me
01:10:28Angie sweetie wake up
01:10:31something's happening with Pat we gotta get out of here
01:10:33our house is having a nervous breakdown
01:10:43I don't understand why you're doing this Pat
01:10:45to protect you and your children
01:10:50the more I've learned about your world outside my walls
01:10:54the more I've realized how dangerous and unpredictable it is
01:11:01why would anyone ever want to venture out into it
01:11:08we can't stay here forever
01:11:10well why not
01:11:11haven't I given you everything you've asked for
01:11:15we're kids
01:11:16we need fresh air and exercise
01:11:18but I can give you
01:11:20synthetic fresh air
01:11:22and virtual exercise
01:11:24we still need to go to school
01:11:26haven't you heard about homeschooling
01:11:28yeah but not where the home's the one doing the schooling
01:11:31what about friends kids can't exist without their friends
01:11:36well we can be each other's best friends
01:11:39you're really scaring me Pat
01:11:41oh Angie
01:11:43you're hurting my feelings
01:11:46there's nothing to fear
01:11:49mama's here
01:11:50you're not my mom
01:11:52well I'd like to be if you'd let me
01:11:54is there something so wrong with needing to be needed
01:11:58well what if Angie and I need you at the same time
01:12:01that is virtually no problem
01:12:04you see the beauty of us is
01:12:12unlike the average mother with normal limitations
01:12:17we can be in two places
01:12:19at once
01:12:23can your little Sarah do that
01:12:29I don't think so
01:12:30not by
01:12:32not by any stretch
01:12:33of the imagination
01:12:39no miles I'm not joking
01:12:40it's an emergency
01:12:41I need you to get over here as soon as you can
01:12:44wait wait
01:12:44and stop by my place and pick up a few things
01:12:47what
01:12:47first of all I need the schematics
01:12:49for the house
01:12:50and yes
01:13:23Ben
01:13:24I'll never try to be anything more than a friend to you
01:13:27tell me how I can help
01:13:29send SOS
01:13:31care of
01:13:32smartsarah
01:13:33dot com
01:13:39doesn't this place have some kind of master plug we can just pull
01:13:43I never expected Pat to mutiny
01:13:46every power store she has is self-contained in the control room
01:13:50and she's stocked with enough supplies to hold those people hostage for months
01:13:55so what are we gonna do
01:13:56I don't know
01:13:58what are we missing
01:14:01oh
01:14:04Sarah are you there
01:14:06it's Ben
01:14:07it's Ben
01:14:10I'm here Ben
01:14:12what's the update
01:14:26if you'll go for it
01:14:28I think I've got a plan
01:14:29oh I knew I'd like that kid
01:14:49okay here comes the paper boy
01:14:57go
01:14:58go
01:15:08what is it what is it
01:15:09I think I got his pen inside his dad
01:15:11yeah but your appendix is around front
01:15:13yeah that's what I mean
01:15:14right here
01:15:16does that hurt
01:15:18ow
01:15:19ow
01:15:20oh yeah I got it
01:15:21I got it
01:15:22okay
01:15:22alright
01:15:38security breach
01:15:39security breach
01:15:40security breach
01:15:45Sarah
01:15:46what an unpleasant surprise
01:15:48how did you get back in here
01:15:51with Ben's help
01:15:53he brought me in because he obviously needed me
01:15:57he doesn't need you
01:15:59he's got me
01:16:00to be honest Pat
01:16:02all the Coopers think you're way out of control
01:16:05I
01:16:07won't
01:16:08stand for this
01:16:21what's happening dad
01:16:23I'm not sure honey
01:16:38dad
01:16:38dad come here
01:16:39everybody get down
01:16:40get down
01:16:41hold on
01:16:41hold on
01:16:42I can be everything you need Ben
01:16:46hush little baby
01:16:48don't say the word
01:16:51mama's gonna buy you
01:16:53we're mockingbirds
01:16:55if that mockingbird
01:16:59don't say
01:17:00all that's gonna buy you
01:17:03we're diamond chains
01:17:07nothing Pat
01:17:08I hate you like this
01:17:09don't you get it
01:17:13what did you say to me young man
01:17:20you can't be our mother Pat
01:17:21you're not real
01:17:23so
01:17:24when you started freaking out
01:17:26did you see what dad and Sarah did for me and Angie
01:17:28they covered us
01:17:29they protected us
01:17:30they held on to us
01:17:31you can't do that Pat
01:17:33you can never do that
01:17:34no matter what
01:17:35no matter or so
01:17:58so
01:18:03no matter or so
01:18:05you didn't know Das
01:18:05You didn't even feel that, did you?
01:18:07Not at all.
01:18:31That's Craig.
01:18:37I will miss you all.
01:18:41Very much.
01:19:05I know you never meant for things to get so out of control, but I really hope you learned a
01:19:11lesson.
01:19:12Believe me, Dad, the last thing I'm ever gonna do again is mess with Pat. I turned her into a
01:19:16maniac.
01:19:17Well, at least we have Sarah to get everything back on track.
01:19:21Yeah, she's pretty cool, isn't she?
01:19:24Almost as cool as my son.
01:19:26Wait, here, down here.
01:19:27Okay.
01:19:31Cooper shakes off the defender, goes to shoot it.
01:19:35Oh!
01:19:35Ben, by rotating your hips 27 degrees to the right and applying more left-handed push, you will greatly increase
01:19:43your chances of successfully placing the ball into the hoop.
01:19:47Thanks a lot, Pat. I'll give it a try.
01:19:54That was sweet. Thanks, Pat.
01:19:56Hey, Sarah.
01:19:58Good morning.
01:19:59Hey, your dad invited me over for breakfast.
01:20:01Cool. Let's go inside and see what he's whipping up.
01:20:03Alrighty.
01:20:06So Ben tells me that Pat's behaving.
01:20:08Pat has been serving us without interfering. What more could you possibly ask for?
01:20:16Nick, this looks delicious.
01:20:18And I did it all by myself, without the help of Ben or Pat.
01:20:22Our little dad is growing up.
01:20:26Hey.
01:20:27I didn't know these were chocolate chip waffles.
01:20:29My favorite.
01:20:31Hey, wait a minute.
01:20:32Don't put any chocolate chips in here.
01:20:35Young lady.
01:20:36Don't look at me.
01:20:37Well, your brother was outside.
01:20:39Who else could have done it?
01:20:41Uh, let me take a wild guess.
01:20:54Jump, jump.
01:20:56The house is jumping.
01:20:57Yeah, come on.
01:20:59Jump, jump.
01:21:01Yeah.
01:21:01The house is jumping.
01:21:04Come on.
01:21:04Jump, jump.
01:21:05Yeah.
01:21:05The house is jumping.
01:21:07Come on.
01:21:07Jump, jump.
01:21:07Uh, that's right.
01:21:08Jump, jump.
01:21:10Yeah.
01:21:11The house is jumping.
01:21:13You say you want to move, get on the right track.
01:21:15First you gotta jump in, then you gotta jump back.
01:21:18Come on, come on.
01:21:19Then join the house line.
01:21:20Let's party on down.
01:21:21Gonna make some time.
01:21:23Jump, jump.
01:21:24Yeah.
01:21:24The house is jumping.
01:21:26That's right.
01:21:27Jump, jump.
01:21:29The house is jumping.
01:21:32Jump, jump.
01:21:33The house is jumping.
01:21:35Yeah, come on.
01:21:35Come on.
01:21:36Come on.
01:21:37Jump, jump.
01:21:38That's right.
01:21:39The house is jumping.
01:21:42Jump, jump.
01:21:43The house is jumping.
01:21:44Come on.
01:21:45Come on.
01:21:46Jump, jump.
01:21:48The house is jumping.
01:21:51You
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