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Guy Montgomery’s Guy Mont Spelling Bee AU - Season 3 Episode 2 - TBA
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00:00MUSIC
00:23Good evening, I hope it was you.
00:25Please allow the camera to settle and the applause to die down
00:28as I welcome you to the beginning of another adventure
00:31through language and letters.
00:33My name is Guy Montgomery and this is my Guymon spelling bee.
00:36And tonight's episode, oh, easy now,
00:39promises to be one for the books,
00:41by which, of course, I mean one for the screen
00:43on which you're watching our show.
00:45What will happen on the show?
00:46Well, if you're a fan of four comedians
00:48competitively spelling different words,
00:50you're in for a treat.
00:51Whoever navigates the whims and whimsies of the English language
00:54with the greatest care will win themselves this!
00:57Whoa!
01:00An enormous ticket,
01:02granting them access to our next episode.
01:04It's not all good news, though,
01:07as the speller who falls prey to the pitfalls and problems
01:10posed by this evening's perfectly picked words
01:13will have to sit in a dunce's corner
01:15while wearing their titular hat.
01:20Who would place themselves in such a precarious position?
01:22Well, let's find out.
01:24Please welcome...
01:25Frank Woodley!
01:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:28Siobhan Azee!
01:31Sarah Kiwa!
01:33And our defending champion, it's Phil Wang!
01:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:38Now, let's get spelling!
01:44First up, of course, is the spelling round.
01:47As you can see, three receptacles sit atop my podium,
01:50each of them beckoning you with the promise of potential.
01:53The Coward's Cup commits you to a word so simple
01:56you will breeze through it from start to finish
01:58and land yourself one point for your effort.
02:00The Person's Purse pledges you a word so medium in difficulty
02:03that you will pause to think before possibly spelling it correctly
02:07and if you manage to do so, you'll be rewarded with two points.
02:10The bucket of bravery betroths you to a word so challenging to spell
02:14you will almost definitely make an absolute meal of it
02:17and start the episode with an immediate sense of regret.
02:20Prove me wrong and spell it correctly, however,
02:23and you start the episode with a healthy three points.
02:25Spelling first this evening is a Perrier Award winner
02:28and member of Double Act Lano & Woodley,
02:30although I'm not telling you which one.
02:31Please welcome Australian comedy legend Frank Woodley!
02:37Oh, Frank, nice to see you. How are you going?
02:40I'm good, I'm good.
02:41It's an honour to have you with us.
02:42I'm an enormous fan, as I've told you in private before,
02:45but why not put it on the public record?
02:47I wish you'd had some clothes on when you were telling me that.
02:50Oh, look, now you come into my dressing room,
02:52you know, when I say,
02:53don't come in here, don't come in here, what do you expect?
02:56No, Frank, how are you with language?
02:59Well, I'm speaking is when do, fine.
03:01Yeah.
03:02And then what about when spelling?
03:05Spelling good, no, isn't.
03:07No, I'm an atrocious speller.
03:09I choose to believe that it doesn't reflect some sort of innate...
03:13You know, it's not an ethical issue, I choose to believe.
03:17Well, Frank, it's a delight to have you with us on the show this evening.
03:20Which receptacle would you like to spell from?
03:22Oh, look, I think I should at least live a little dangerously.
03:25OK.
03:25So I'll go for the person's purse.
03:27Very well, from the person's purse.
03:28Oh, yeah.
03:31From the person's purse, Frank.
03:33Your word is...
03:35Champagne.
03:36Now, before you spell, I hasten to remind you,
03:38you can always ask for a language of origin, a definition,
03:40or to hear the word in a sentence.
03:43Could I ask for the word in a sentence, please?
03:45No champagne for us.
03:47Your cheapest salve will be fine.
03:48I waved off the waiter and looked at my date.
03:51Don't worry.
03:52I know a hack.
03:53I winked, lowering my straw into her wine glass
03:56and blowing as hard as I possibly could.
03:59I'm seeing in my mind Champagne.
04:03So I'm going to go with C-H-A-M-P-A-G-N-E.
04:08That is correct!
04:10Frank, on the board with a two-syllable word,
04:13two points are yours.
04:15And our second speller left a stressful world of comedy before
04:18her performance to playing a medical student on HBO Max's The Pit.
04:21Will you please welcome Shibana Aziz!
04:27Shibana, thank you so much for coming on the show.
04:29How are you?
04:30I'm great.
04:32Nice, yeah, you seem really relaxed.
04:35You were a long-time member of a double act,
04:37a comedy act called The Coconuts, for six years, I understand.
04:40I didn't mean to ever do comedy.
04:42Oh, yeah?
04:43I hated it.
04:44No, I loved it.
04:46Congrats.
04:46But I just...
04:48I think it's a humiliation ritual to go on stage.
04:51Sorry.
04:52Well, it is now.
04:55Well, it's just you've got to go on stage all alone
04:57and be like, do you guys think I'm funny?
04:59Do you guys think I'm funny?
05:00It's horrible.
05:01Yeah.
05:01And then if they do think you're funny,
05:02it's not even joyful anymore.
05:03It's just relief.
05:05You know?
05:06Yeah, yeah.
05:07Yeah.
05:09Yeah, when you put it like that, it is all of those things, isn't it?
05:13Yeah.
05:23That's how you did it for six years, though.
05:25It really spiralled out of control.
05:27You know, queer and women of colour.
05:29So it's like if you've got a line-up of comedians
05:31and you've got to fix a little optics situation real fast,
05:35chop the coconuts in, right?
05:36And so we worked a lot.
05:39Well, you're part of the ensemble on the Emmy award-winning drama
05:42The Pit.
05:43Well, guess what?
05:43This show also has an Emmy.
05:45M-E.
05:46Guy Montgomery.
05:49Very good.
05:50So obviously, you know, you found comedy wasn't to your liking,
05:53which is a crazy thing to find out when you're on the comedy show,
05:56but what about spelling?
05:58How you were spelling?
06:00Uh...
06:02I...I...I...I...
06:02Come on, don't tell me you also don't like spelling.
06:05No, no.
06:06The thing is, I think I can spell,
06:08but it's been so long since I've been tested in that arena,
06:11so I don't want to come in all braggadocious and then fumble on the cup,
06:14you know what I'm saying?
06:14Of course.
06:15But anyone who does use the word braggadocious in a sentence
06:17is kind of showing off.
06:20Well, Siobhan, it's a joy to have you with us.
06:22Which receptacle would you like to spell from?
06:23I'm going to follow in the footsteps of the great Frank Woodley
06:26and go person's purse.
06:27OK.
06:29From the person's purse, your word is...
06:33Jeopardy.
06:34Oh, yeah.
06:35Can I have that in a sentence?
06:37A crusty tart known for being bottom-heavy.
06:39What is my wife?
06:42As soon as the words left my lips,
06:44I knew it wasn't just my 38-episode winning streak
06:46on Jeopardy I'd put in Jeopardy.
06:48I mean...
06:51Very good.
06:54Jeopardy.
06:54J-E-A-P-A-R-D-Y.
06:59That is incorrect.
07:01I'm so sorry, Siobhanah.
07:02Yeah, Jeopardy is spelled J-E-O-P-A-R-D-Y.
07:07Thank you so much.
07:08I'm sorry.
07:09No points awarded.
07:10And our next contestant is an award-winning comedian
07:13all the way from the United Kingdom.
07:14Will you please welcome Sarah Kiwi!
07:19Sarah.
07:20Hi, Guy.
07:21Hi, Sarah.
07:23How are you?
07:23That is so nice of you to ask.
07:25I'm having a really good time.
07:26I was plunged into a minor existential crisis
07:29by Siobhanah's relationship to comedy.
07:32But I'm back, baby.
07:34Yeah, I felt that too.
07:35It was the word horrible that really got me.
07:38How are you with spelling?
07:41Well, I tell you,
07:43the reason I thought this show was a good idea
07:45is I remembered being good at spelling as a boy.
07:47There was a guy I used to copy from in an English class.
07:50I'd copy his answers.
07:51And we were doing a spelling test.
07:52In the spelling test, the word was vehicle.
07:54And I saw him spelling it wrong.
07:56And I was like,
07:57have I been copying someone more stupid than me?
08:02And, you know, now we find ourselves here.
08:04Pretty good.
08:05I bet you were a terrifying child.
08:09I was actually very sweet.
08:10I was a sweet boy.
08:11Uh, yeah.
08:12How tall?
08:16Is this why you were doing a pilot for your interview show?
08:20Trying to get in your head,
08:21maybe you'll forget how to spell.
08:23I don't have to...
08:24It's all written down here.
08:26Maybe you'll forget how to read.
08:29No, it says here.
08:30So, you recently finished touring an hour of crowd work.
08:33Did you come across any, you know,
08:35memorable Australian audience members?
08:37I learnt that you'd call traffic cones witch's hat.
08:41I'm not from here.
08:45Probably do.
08:46You're from New Zealand.
08:47What do you call traffic cones?
08:48Traffic cones.
08:53Anyway, um...
08:54LGBT, ADHD.
08:56Save some letters for the rest of us, Sarah.
09:02Oh, a horrifying child.
09:05Sarah, this could go all night.
09:07Now, which receptacle would you like to spell from?
09:09Cut me guy.
09:10You got it.
09:12And now I'll decide.
09:15From the Coward's Cup?
09:16Yes, please.
09:17A fine choice.
09:18I see.
09:20From the Coward's Cup, your word is tablet.
09:23Tablet.
09:24Now, before you spell, we did write jokes.
09:28Say, guy, I don't suppose you have the language of origin?
09:33Uh, the mouth.
09:34And, occasionally, the arsehole.
09:40Say, guy, I don't suppose you have the definition?
09:44Do you hate me?
09:47No, I was just trying to get some rapport going.
09:50Technology tasked with raising children while they are at restaurants.
09:57Tablet.
09:57Tablet.
09:58T-A-B-L-E-T.
10:01That is correct!
10:02CHEERING
10:04The point is yours.
10:06And, finally, this evening, welcome back, your reigning champ, it's Phil Wang!
10:13Oh!
10:15Phil, that was a hell of a show you put on in episode one.
10:18Oh, thank you!
10:19How did it feel to be spelling out there like that?
10:20Oh, man, I was just in flow state, I think is what they call it.
10:25The whole world receded and all I saw were letters.
10:29A red mist of vowels and consonants.
10:32It was orgasmic.
10:35I found my true form, my final form.
10:38I was the B.
10:44It was like watching someone shred on Guitar Hero.
10:47I could see them coming down.
10:51You know, obviously, we know your relationship with spelling.
10:55You're a confident man.
10:55Which receptacle would you like to spell from?
10:57Give me the bucket!
10:58OK!
11:05From the Bucket of Bravery.
11:06Yeah.
11:07Your word is...
11:10Backpfeifengesicht.
11:14Well, that technique is really backpfeifengesicht on me.
11:18Could you give me a definition, please?
11:21A German word meaning a face begging to be slapped.
11:25The Australian equivalent is Kyle Sanderlunds.
11:34Backpfeifengesicht.
11:35Backpfeifengesicht.
11:50Backpfeifengesicht.
11:54That is...
11:57Backpfeifeife continuer.
11:59ぺ ぺ ほ ほ け が.
12:00P-F-E-I-F-E-N-G-E-S-I-C-H-T.
12:08A noble effort, but no points awarded.
12:10Sorry, Phil.
12:10And now you've all had a chance to spell,
12:12let's take a look at the leaderboard.
12:15And Shabana and Phil anchored to the bottom on zero,
12:17Sarah on one, and out in front on two points is Frank Woodley!
12:21I'm going to enjoy my life.
12:23And before we launch into our next segment,
12:26I just have one question.
12:27Did you pack that bag yourself?
12:40Yeah, I'm the guy who drank two jars of jam
12:44rather than hand them over to you.
12:45And guess what?
12:46You were right.
12:47I did get a sore tummy.
12:50I have nothing but the utmost respect
12:52for our border security agents
12:54and the hard work they do keeping the nation of Australia safe
12:57from fruit and woven baskets.
12:59You might not always agree with them,
13:00but they're just doing their job.
13:03So please give a very warm welcome to one of the best,
13:05it's border security agent, Sam Campbell!
13:12How are you, mate?
13:13Yeah.
13:13Yeah, I'm good.
13:14How are you?
13:16I swear I know you.
13:19We've met before.
13:20No, I don't think...
13:21We have met before.
13:22I don't...
13:23Oh, I never forget a face,
13:24I never forget a suitcase.
13:27No, no, when...
13:28It's 2019, October.
13:31I used to work at Alice Springs Airport.
13:33You flew in to climb Uluru before they banned it.
13:36No, no, no, no.
13:39No, no, no.
13:40You got the wrong guy.
13:41Bag full of carabiners and boots and shorts.
13:43Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
13:45Well, it's good to have you here, man.
13:46In this round,
13:48Sam will scan your suitcases for contraband,
13:50illegal to bring into the nation of Australia.
13:52Once he's screened your bag,
13:54you'll spell a word pertaining to whatever may be found inside.
13:57Spell the word right,
13:58you earn yourself a point,
13:59and Sam will turn a blind eye
14:01as you smuggle your item into the country.
14:03Spell the word wrong, however,
14:05and you'll be taken to the interrogation room.
14:08Yeah, ooh.
14:09Hold on a second, hold on a second, folks.
14:11We've got something here.
14:14Oh.
14:16Oh, nice, look at this.
14:17It's, um, Sarah Keyworth.
14:19Ah.
14:20I'd love you to step over.
14:21Yeah, that's one of mine.
14:24Can I ask, did you pack this bag yourself?
14:26Oh, yeah, yeah.
14:28Yeah, I always do.
14:29Mind if I take a look inside?
14:31Of me?
14:31You are.
14:33The bag.
14:34The bag.
14:34Oh, yeah, you already got the gloves on.
14:36OK, what have we got here?
14:38I love zips.
14:39Used to practise on a pencil case when I was a kid.
14:43Sarah, that is a lot of cash.
14:45Oh, no, man.
14:46Look at all that devil's lettuce.
14:48Yeah.
14:49Yeah, that's right.
14:50You've spotted Kreeley in this bag.
14:51It looks like a million dollars cash.
14:53And Sarah, you didn't declare it.
14:55Man alive.
14:56Let's just hope those bills are untraceable
14:58and haven't been marked with any fluorescent powder.
15:01Ha-ha.
15:02Your spelling word is fluorescent powder.
15:05Fluorescent powder.
15:06Yeah.
15:07F-L-O-U-R-E-S-A-N-T-P-O-W-D-E-R.
15:23That is incorrect.
15:25I'm sorry.
15:26Fluorescent powder spelt F-L-U-R-E-S-A-N-T-P-O-W-D-E-R.
15:33I'm afraid you're going to have to go to the interrogation room.
15:36Feel free to take a seat, Sarah.
15:45I'd love to ask what the purpose of your visit is.
15:47What are you doing here in Australia?
15:49Uh, I got a job interview.
15:51Oh, yeah?
15:52Yeah, nice.
15:54Yeah.
15:54Where's that at?
15:56I got an interview to be an emotional support companion
15:59for a woman called Jackie O.
16:02Oh, my God.
16:03I like that.
16:06Um, Sarah, I'd love to ask getting up to anything in your free time.
16:10Yeah.
16:11Yeah.
16:12I like to go out with my friends.
16:14Oh.
16:14Yeah.
16:15Where do you go?
16:17The local pool.
16:19Oh, God.
16:20Yeah, we go swimming.
16:22Yeah, yeah.
16:23It's so fun going with a group, isn't it?
16:25Yeah.
16:26Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:28Do they have, like, limits when you go to the pool?
16:29Like, how many people are allowed to swim as a group?
16:31Like, how does that work even?
16:34Well, you and I can find out sometime.
16:36You are free to go!
16:38Oh, wow!
16:40Sarah Kiwak, you bought yourself something last night.
16:42Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:44Appreciate it.
16:48I'm so sorry.
16:50I'm so...
16:51I'm sorry.
16:52God, I'm so...
16:53I'm so sorry.
16:58Congratulations, Sarah.
16:59No point for the spelling.
17:00What comes next?
17:01All right, let's see what this next sicko has packed.
17:04OK.
17:09Care to join me?
17:10Oh, oh, yeah.
17:12Yes.
17:12Woo!
17:14OK.
17:16Did you pack this yourself?
17:17Yes, I did pack this.
17:18You did. You packed yourself.
17:18Wow, yeah.
17:19Mind if I take a peek?
17:21Of course.
17:21OK, here we go.
17:23Oh, I love zippers.
17:25I know, I'd love to go on the zipline.
17:27I love to zipline.
17:29Yeah, it's great.
17:30We have a lot in common.
17:31Oh!
17:32Right on.
17:34Well, what do we have here in the front pouch?
17:37Hold on a second.
17:38Oh, my goodness.
17:40OK.
17:43Uh-oh.
17:44Looks like someone sent a Chappelle Corby,
17:46which I know all about after reading her tell-all autobiography.
17:50Blame it on the boogie.
17:53But hang on.
17:54I'm not seeing a receipt.
17:55I'm not seeing a receipt either, and the sticker's still on it.
17:58You didn't pay for this?
17:59You couldn't cough up $2.99 for something Chappelle put her heart and soul into?
18:03I can't believe you didn't heed the lessons contained in between those pages
18:07and are now book trafficking.
18:10Your spelling word is book trafficking.
18:13Wow.
18:14Uh, I'm going to say book trafficking.
18:17B-O-O-K.
18:19T-R-A-F-F-I-C-K-I-N-G.
18:23That is correct!
18:26Congratulations on a successful spelling.
18:28You are free to go!
18:32All right.
18:34Congratulations, Shibana, and a point for your troubles.
18:37Let's go.
18:38Come on.
18:38Who are we going?
18:39That's another man.
18:40Yeah, I got that one.
18:42Oh, goodness.
18:43Phil Wang.
18:44Oh, yeah.
18:45What have we got here?
18:49Hey.
18:50Hey, sorry about that.
18:51Sorry.
18:52Yeah.
18:53You packed this yourself, mate?
18:54Yes.
18:55Yes, sir.
18:55Yeah.
18:55Yeah, yeah.
18:56You did, didn't you?
18:56Mind if I take a look inside?
18:58Please, have at it.
19:02Oh.
19:04Phil Wang.
19:08Oh, this is too much.
19:15You must have about 50 marital aids in there, and they're all completely soiled.
19:20And I don't mean pre-used, I mean caked in dirt.
19:24I could give two hoots about the fiddlers, but you can't be bringing the soil into the country.
19:28You know, what are you studying?
19:30Ediphology?
19:32Ediphology?
19:34Your word is ediphology.
19:36Ediphology?
19:37I'm going to say E, D, and now we get spicy.
19:54E, D, and now you must take a trip to the interrogation room.
20:06Take a seat, Phil.
20:12What brings you to Australia, Phil?
20:14Um, just tourists.
20:17Oh, really?
20:18Yeah.
20:19Oh, yeah, a bit of sightseeing?
20:20Mm-hmm.
20:21What are you going to get up to?
20:23I was thinking I would go see the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
20:29Can I admit something to you?
20:31I have always wanted to see the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
20:36Oh, that sounds like such a blast.
20:39Oh, solo trip?
20:41Uh, for now.
20:42Um.
20:43Oh, yeah.
20:44Oh, yeah.
20:44Maybe I'll meet someone at the bridge.
20:46Oh, okay.
20:47Or you could take someone at the bridge.
20:50And we could get a photo together.
20:53Um, sure.
20:54I mean, if you really want to, we could go to the bridge.
20:58Phil Wang, you are free to go.
21:00Oh, yes.
21:01Please do not drop these.
21:04Thank you so much.
21:05Oh.
21:08All right, well, Phil, no point awarded,
21:11but congratulations on smuggling the bag and you freak.
21:14Uh, anything else left, Sam?
21:17I'm going to assume this next one belongs to the, uh,
21:20curly-haired, uh, fellow over here.
21:22Woo!
21:23Woo!
21:25Woo!
21:25Woo!
21:25Woo!
21:27Woo!
21:30Woo!
21:30Like, how much power do I have in this situation
21:33in terms of saying, no, I'd prefer to just leave?
21:36So little.
21:37Okay, then go right ahead.
21:39Okay.
21:40Zips are amazing, aren't they?
21:42There's a documentary.
21:43Oh!
21:44Oh!
21:44Oh!
21:49Are we all getting wild yet?
21:52Woo!
21:55Woo!
21:55Woo!
21:57Woo!
21:59Woo!
21:59Woo!
22:01Woo!
22:05Woo!
22:06Tucked into your bag was a contortionist.
22:09Here for some undocumented fun and sun on the gold coast.
22:12And you can understand why, too, as they originally hailed from Iceland's port town of Kåbavgårr.
22:19Your spelling word is korpafagor.
22:23I got a job once as a contortionist, but I couldn't get into it.
22:28Um, what was my word?
22:36That... I'm...
22:39That was a thrill, huh?
22:40Yeah, what was it? Korpafagor.
22:44I'm going to go with X, Y, Z, T, I...
22:46P, H, V, V, V, six more Vs,
22:50and then I'm going to end off with an asterisk.
22:55That is incorrect.
22:58Korpafagor, of course, spelt K-O-P-A-V-O-G-U-R.
23:03I'm sorry, Frank.
23:03You're in the interrogation room, buddy. Over you go.
23:06Oh, no. Feel free to take a seat, Frank.
23:07OK.
23:16So, uh, Frank, it's my understanding you do a bit of physical stuff, yeah?
23:21Don't we all do at least a bit?
23:24We'd love to try and see you go in the suitcase.
23:27OK, yeah, sure.
23:28All right.
23:32OK, so get in here.
23:33She was in here, wasn't she?
23:35Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:37For ages.
23:43Um, OK, there's got to, um...
23:47Let's go with this.
23:54Frank Woodley, you are free to go.
23:59Do I get to take the contortionist?
24:01Oh, the contortionist herself?
24:03Yeah.
24:03No, you've... Frank, you've got to stop human trafficking.
24:09All right, well done, Frank.
24:10No point awarded.
24:11And I'd like to declare that round was a roaring success.
24:15All the more so thanks to the diligent and professional work
24:17of Officer Campbell!
24:21Yeah.
24:22I'm enjoying all this.
24:24You contestants were all right.
24:26Matter of fact, I'd even say, you're just my type.
24:33Typesetting is the ancient art of having an opinion
24:35about what fonts look good.
24:37From Comic Sans to Times New Roman,
24:39Wingdings to Helvetica, fonts don't just help us read,
24:42but also help tell the world about who we are.
24:45And yet, there still isn't one that speaks directly to my soul.
24:49Contestants, in this minigame, you will invent, name and demonstrate
24:54a new font by writing the title of that font in the font.
24:59Best New Correctly Spelled Font wins.
25:03And while they work on that, let's hear from tonight's sponsor.
25:07Tonight's episode is brought to you by...
25:09The letter Y!
25:10Oh, yeah!
25:13Once only famous for its work tidying up the ends of words,
25:16as seen in happy, snappy and crappy,
25:18Y is ready for its next challenge.
25:21That's right!
25:22Those big-time perma-vowels have had it too good for too long!
25:26Any time Y wanted to work on a word,
25:29they'd have to get on the blower and say,
25:30Hey, A, E, I, O, U, anyone want to collab and make a word?
25:36Oh, sorry, Y, we're busy.
25:38Well, guess what?
25:39Thanks to its hard work and dedication at the gym,
25:43Y can now work with consonants to make entire words.
25:46No additional vowels required.
25:49Y is creating its own myths, finding its own rhythm.
25:52So here's to you, the letter Y.
25:55Who said letters can't be bisexual?
25:59All right, my suite of graphic designers, pens down, pads up.
26:05That's the way we like to judge our mini-games.
26:08Let's have a look at what they've come up with.
26:10Frank, starting with you, what is your new font name and style?
26:14OK, well, the name is Kamatustra.
26:17And it's basically...
26:19..its main quality is that it starts really big...
26:23..and then you realise,
26:26come out too strong and you run out of space.
26:30Yeah, wow.
26:32Kamatustra.
26:33Kamatustra.
26:33Lovely stuff, Frank, thank you.
26:35Siobana, what have you got for us?
26:37I thought I'd appeal to your vanity.
26:40Um, and I came up with gypeface,
26:44but then I decided to spell it stupid.
26:48Gypeface.
26:48And so there's no sort of consistency between the lettering,
26:52that just comes out as it comes out?
26:54That's your choice, man.
26:55It's your font.
26:56LAUGHTER
26:56Thank you very much, Siobana.
26:59APPLAUSE
26:59Sarah, what have you got?
27:02Uh...
27:02Sarah, how are you?
27:03I'm all...
27:05I'm all right.
27:06It's...
27:07This font is called Noses.
27:10LAUGHTER
27:13And it's just Noses.
27:18APPLAUSE
27:22OK, I think it's pretty self-explanatory.
27:26LAUGHTER
27:26I don't...
27:27Um...
27:27I don't really...
27:28I don't really know what happened.
27:32LAUGHTER
27:32Yeah, I know...
27:33I thought they were bums from behind.
27:35Yeah, I know what you all thought.
27:37LAUGHTER
27:37But they're noses.
27:39Yeah, yeah, yeah.
27:40I think we get noses.
27:42Um...
27:43Finally, Phil, what have you done for us?
27:45Oh, this is one I've been working on for a while.
27:47It's called Wangamond.
27:49LAUGHTER
27:50And it's quite like a normal font, but it's got a little W attached to every serif.
27:55Oh.
27:56Yeah.
27:57Wow.
27:58APPLAUSE
28:00All right, so let's get all the fonts in front of us again.
28:03LAUGHTER
28:04Well, I've got to say, there's some strong contenders, but I think for fun and functionality
28:10in the spirit of a dingbat font like Wingdings, I'm going to have to award it to Sarah Keyworth
28:15for noses.
28:16CHEERING
28:17Congratulations!
28:19A bonus point is yours!
28:21CHEERING
28:22It's not all good news, though.
28:24If you've been to a park recently, you'll be familiar with the enforced famine faced by everyday birds.
28:30Everywhere you turn, a hungry bird.
28:32And everywhere else you turn, a sign telling you not to feed it.
28:36LAUGHTER
28:36Well, not today.
28:39MUSIC
28:43That's right, today we will be feeding the birds.
28:46And what lovely birds they are!
28:49CHEERING
28:51APPLAUSE
28:53How are you, my flying feathered friends?
28:56Everyone's feeling good?
28:58LAUGHTER
29:00Quack? Quack?
29:01You can still use the Faculty of Language if you say cheers.
29:05I've always found it weird that birds, they always seem very nervous when they're standing still.
29:09LAUGHTER
29:10But when they start to walk, they just get really cool.
29:14LAUGHTER
29:16APPLAUSE
29:16It's weird.
29:19Perfect stuff.
29:20Well, a fancy show business host such as myself has no business feeding you,
29:24but thankfully, transplanted from a nearby park, we've found just the person.
29:27Would you please welcome to the studio, the Bird Lady!
29:31CHEERING
29:33CHEERING
29:34Though her words are simple and few, she's very forthcoming with her seed and bread.
29:40We are lucky to have her in the studio, so don't be afraid to show her gratitude.
29:45In this round, you'll work in pairs.
29:48Frank and Shabana, you are on one team.
29:50Sarah and Phil, you're on the other.
29:51Once the Bird Lady starts scattering her seed and bread,
29:55you'll all head down to the studio floor to retrieve your delicious food.
29:59LAUGHTER
30:01Once you have your hands full, bring your food back to your podiums
30:04and you must use the combined power of your bird brains
30:07to correctly spell the word ornithologist.
30:10The first team to correctly spell ornithologist
30:13will earn themselves two points apiece.
30:16And before you get started, pigeons may only retrieve and handle seed,
30:20ducks may only retrieve and handle bread.
30:24Bird Lady, prepare to do your thing.
30:27What season of this show is this?
30:30LAUGHTER
30:32What would your guess be?
30:33It feels like it's only...
30:35Is this season three?
30:36Are you worried that we're here at this point already?
30:40LAUGHTER
30:40I'm not going to take shit talk from a pigeon.
30:43LAUGHTER
30:45Bird Lady, do your thing.
30:48Birds, prepare to retrieve the seed of bread.
30:51LAUGHTER
30:52Jesus Christ.
30:53That's a seed.
30:54Bread?
30:54Oh, that's a...
30:55No, you kept against seed.
30:56What's that?
30:57What is that?
30:59Pigeons on the seed, ducks on the bread.
31:02Thank you, Bird Lady.
31:03Well, that's red.
31:04That's red.
31:05Thank you, Bird Lady.
31:06That's red, dude.
31:07Thank you, Bird Lady.
31:09LAUGHTER
31:09Oh, wow!
31:10Thank you, Bird Lady.
31:12You know, when we first put these on, I was worried this was going to be undignified,
31:17but...
31:18LAUGHTER
31:20Are we out of...
31:21Oh, when are we going on that?
31:23LAUGHTER
31:23Oh, I'll do it.
31:24Oh, when are we going on that?
31:26It's...
31:27We need an H.
31:29We have one of those.
31:30You need that.
31:31Oh, no, you can't handle it, you can't handle that.
31:36Ornophologist.
31:38Ornophologist.
31:39All right.
31:39That is not correct.
31:41What do you think's gone wrong?
31:42OK, that's...
31:45It could be...
31:48Ornithologist.
31:48Ornithologist.
31:49It could be.
31:49Ornithologist.
31:50That doesn't look right.
31:51I can't...
31:52I can't handle that.
31:53No, it's not there.
31:54It's got to be this one, right?
31:55Oh, here we go.
31:57You know, there...
31:57Is that it?
31:58That is correct!
31:59Congratulations!
32:02They got their sauce.
32:03Thank you, Bird Lady.
32:04But we've had that for about 15 minutes.
32:07No, I've been keeping an eagle eye on you and you had an...
32:10Ornothologist.
32:11And then Shibana started running around with a W for no apparent reason.
32:15Well, congratulations to Sarah and Phil.
32:18You've earned yourself two points apiece!
32:24Oh, Guy!
32:28Oh, my God!
32:33Sam Campbell, you were the Bird Lady all along?
32:36No, Guy.
32:37We were all the Bird Lady.
32:40That's right.
32:41It is me, famed millionaire philanthropist Sam Campbell.
32:44I was posing as the Bird Lady to test the kindness of our contestants.
32:49Sort of undercover boss style.
32:50With an avian twist.
32:52And what did you learn?
32:54Oh, I learned a lot.
32:55I learned so much.
32:56In fact, I have a bonus point to award.
32:58One contestant thanked me twice.
33:01Phil Wang.
33:02But it was Sarah Keyworth who thanked me, I think, about nine times.
33:06Never super enthusiastically, but I appreciated it.
33:10Congratulations, Sarah!
33:11A bonus point for your gratitude!
33:14And so, with our third round in the can,
33:17we've got Sarah out in front on five points!
33:25Sorry.
33:28I've got to take this.
33:32Hello?
33:33Oh, yes.
33:34Certainly, Prime Minister.
33:40I've just received orders from up top that we now must play the homophone round.
33:44If you're not familiar, allow me to explain in ten words or less.
33:47Some words sound same, but spelled different.
33:50With three words to spell, no less.
33:53I'm going to give you a word to spell.
33:55You're going to spell the word.
33:56If you're confused in any way, you're welcome to ask for the word in a sentence.
34:00And we're starting with Shabana.
34:02Why?
34:04Because you are currently in last place.
34:07Oh, no.
34:08Your word is euthanasia.
34:13Euthanasia?
34:14What if I had it in a sentence?
34:15No, honey.
34:17I support euthanasia.
34:18Not euthanasia, I said to my wife,
34:21as into our home came our four newly adopted children,
34:24Jiho, Yijun, Yujin and Minji.
34:32Euthanasia.
34:33Euthanasia.
34:34E-U-T-H-A-N-A-S-I-A.
34:40That is correct!
34:44You spelled euthanasia, as in the intentional ending of another's life to alleviate suffering,
34:49as opposed to euthanasia, people who would most likely be doing much better than all of you on the show.
34:56And up next we have Phil Wang.
34:58Phil, are you ready for your word?
35:00Yeah.
35:01Well, your word is holy.
35:04Okay, holy.
35:05Would you like to hear it in a sentence?
35:06Yes, I'd love to hear it in a sentence, please.
35:08In a way that ideally clarifies things.
35:12And you really want to go this hard for Halloween?
35:15I asked my friend Keith while holding a nail to the middle of his palm and raising my hammer.
35:21You don't even know the guy's name!
35:24Who needs the name with a costume this good?
35:27I am wholly committed to being the holy holy guy.
35:36I thought I was going to help, but it just introduced the third one.
35:42Can you say one more time?
35:44Just you saying it.
35:45Holy.
35:49I reckon that was H-O-L-Y.
35:52Is that your spelling?
35:53Yeah.
35:54That is incorrect!
35:56Correct!
35:57I'm sorry, Phil.
35:58You spelled holy, as in sacred, like the Herbie movie franchise.
36:02I was looking for holy, as in something with a lot of holes in it.
36:06Like the plot of the 2005 Lindsay Lohan film Herbie Fully Loaded.
36:10Of course, there was also holy, as in fully, like how loaded Herbie was in the sixth and final instalment
36:16of the Herbie franchise.
36:18No point awarded, I am sorry.
36:21Well, Frank Woodley, you're up next. How are you feeling?
36:24You ready for this?
36:25Yeah.
36:26You've got a great outlook, man.
36:29Your word is sent.
36:31I'd like to hear that in a sentence, please.
36:34On day 139 in the trenches, I'm embarrassed to confess I started feeling sorry for myself.
36:39Until my commanding officer alerted me to the arrival of a letter addressed to me.
36:43The looping, swooping cursive immediately told me this was a missive from my love back home.
36:48While the stamp on the front informed me it had cost her a tuppence.
36:51That's expensive, I thought.
36:54Enclosed in the envelope were words of love and affirmation all brought together with a single unmistakable spray of her
37:00perfume.
37:01So roused and aroused was I that I immediately rode back in kind.
37:05I drew a picture of us together as stick figures and gave her massive tits.
37:11I drowned the whole thing in Link's body spray and mailed it back home for a penny.
37:15That'll do nicely, I thought to myself, as I sent my sin for a cent.
37:18No.
37:23So, okay.
37:26So I'm going to go, I'm going to go with, um, with, well, what am I going to go with?
37:30Did you, how do you do this?
37:34I'm, I'm, should I combine all of them and, well, that's what I'm going to do.
37:37I'm going to go with the smell one because it has all the spellings in it.
37:42So I'm going to go with S-C-E-N-T.
37:47That is incorrect.
37:49I'm sorry, Frank, you spelled sent as in something one can sniff, like the chance to make a joke,
37:54as opposed to sent, a unit of money that old people love to tell you used to mean something.
38:00There was also, of course, on the table, sent as in to your room when you embarrass your parents
38:04by misspelling a word on your big TV appearance.
38:09No point awarded, I'm sorry, Frank.
38:11And finally, Sarah.
38:13Hi, Guy.
38:13Clubhouse leader, how are you going?
38:15Yeah.
38:17Build a healthy lead there.
38:18I, I certainly have.
38:21And it's not lost on me that I'm flying to London tomorrow, so.
38:28Well, let's see how you do.
38:30Your word is four bears.
38:36Please, can I have it in a sentence, Guy?
38:39The curious third generation cub put down one of his many drinks and looked up to his father.
38:49Watch me land this plane.
38:53So you're telling me my four bears are four bears?
38:57That's right.
38:58Now stop drinking those four bears.
39:00Those aren't four bears.
39:03Four bears.
39:05Four bears.
39:05Four bears.
39:08It's more of a guessing show, isn't it?
39:11What?
39:11In parts?
39:13F-O-U-R-B-E-A-R-S.
39:19That is incorrect.
39:21I'm sorry.
39:21You spelled four bears, as in a quantity of an animal.
39:24Ah.
39:25We were looking for four bears, as in a quantity of liquid.
39:28Also on the table, four bears, an old dead person, or four bears.
39:32Something expressly intended for more than one carnivore mammal of the Ursidae family.
39:37No point of war.
39:38Sorry, sorry.
39:38The correct answer was four bears.
39:49You Kiwi f***er.
39:52Well, I won't lie.
39:54I spent one beautiful sun-soaked afternoon in February cooking those up,
39:57and if I had my time again, I wouldn't change a damn thing.
40:01And neither would Sarah, as they're currently out in front on five points!
40:07Let's not get out too far in front of our skis, though,
40:10as there's one round left, and it's the big one.
40:17Sorry, it's not called the big one.
40:19It's called the buzz round.
40:21How does it work?
40:21Well, this round will take place at a thus far unfamiliar pace to you all.
40:25I'm going to read spelling words to you from a list.
40:27If you want to try and spell, press your buzzer and have a crack!
40:30The correct spelling is worth one point,
40:32and incorrect spelling is worth negative one point.
40:35You will start spelling upon my first word
40:37and stop spelling when a voice echoes from the rafters.
40:40There are four topics to choose from,
40:43and Shabana, since you've been having the hardest night of it,
40:45the choice is yours.
40:46Would you like green,
40:49the elderly,
40:51a little bit of nice,
40:53or pasta?
40:57I'm going to go green.
40:59A fine choice. Green it is.
41:01Everyone ready?
41:01Mmm.
41:02Then let's play.
41:04Snowpea.
41:05S-N-O-W-P-E-A.
41:07I'm so sorry, Shabana.
41:09Phil buzzed in before you.
41:18Phil, if you want to accomplish Shabana's homework,
41:20it wouldn't hurt your chances.
41:21Thanks, Shabana.
41:22I had forgotten about the W.
41:23Cheers.
41:25I just, that's the sound of my buzzer.
41:27They should really have different sounds.
41:29I can confidently say this has never happened on the show before.
41:33Phil, you buzzed in. Snowpea.
41:35Yeah, I want to take a crack at this.
41:38I'm feeling S-N-O-W-P-E-A.
41:44Correct.
41:44Oh, wow.
41:45Money.
41:47Sarah.
41:48M-O-N-E-Y.
41:50Correct.
41:51Broccoli.
41:52Frank.
41:53P-R-O-C-C-O-L-I.
41:56Correct.
41:57Jealousy.
41:58Frank.
41:59J-J-J.
42:01J-E-A-L-O-U-S-Y.
42:04Correct.
42:05Marijuana.
42:06Frank.
42:07M-A-R-I-J-U-A-N-A.
42:11Correct.
42:11Thai curry.
42:13Frank.
42:14T-H-A-I-C-U-R-R-Y.
42:18Correct.
42:19Frog.
42:20Go ahead, Frank.
42:21F-R-O-G.
42:23Correct.
42:24Bulbasaur.
42:25Frank.
42:25B-U-L-B-I-S-A-U-R.
42:30Incorrect.
42:31Spinach.
42:33Go ahead, Frank.
42:35S-P-I-N-A-C-H.
42:38Correct.
42:39Avocado.
42:40Go ahead, Frank.
42:42A-V-O-C-A-D-O.
42:44Correct.
42:48C-O-R-R-E-C-T.
42:51Not part of the game, but a very funny gag, I'll give you that.
42:55American idiot.
42:57Phil.
42:58A-M-E-R-I-C-A-N-I-D-I-O-T.
43:04Correct.
43:04I-G-U-A-N-N-N-A.
43:06I-G-U-A-N-N-A.
43:10Incorrect.
43:11I-G-U-A-N-N-N-A.
43:11Don't spin.
43:14You heard the man.
43:15There's no more spelling to do as we've found our champion.
43:18And tonight it's Frank Woodley.
43:23Congratulations on your triumph.
43:25We'll be seeing you next time.
43:30And now let's have the famed philanthropist, Sam the Bird Lady Campbell.
43:39It's not all good news.
43:42As we can all see, Shabana, you've had a really hard night at the office.
43:46And it only gets worse from here.
43:47Will you please make your way to your new home?
43:50This is my dream.
43:59That's plenty for tonight.
44:01One more round of applause for tonight's contestants.
44:04Frank Woodley, Shabana Aziz, Sarah Keyworth and Phil Lang.
44:09We'll be back soon when Frank Woodley will take on Mel Bracewell, Andy Saunders and Anne Edmonds.
44:14For now, you can call me Uruguay Montgomery because I sure am a Gwaii.
44:18Goodnight.
44:20Well done, Frank.
44:21The barnstorm is as well.
44:23This is your time.
44:24Hat.
44:25Back.
44:25On.
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