00:00Ladies and gentlemen. Today I bring you another album review. Today's album review is for another album by a Disney
00:06act. Instead of it being a horror, we have three ugly faggots. They are none other than the Jonas Brothers,
00:12or, as we call them here at Stereotype Records, the Jonas Faggots. They've been on the radio for at least
00:18four years now, and they've already put out their fourth studio album and it's not, because they have talent. Rather,
00:24they've grown up around an agile thing called money.
00:27Seriously, Disney is fudge-punching these corporate finger pulpits up everybody's ass non-stop, and they keep forgetting to add
00:34a smooth and warm lubricant called, Great Music. So now everyone is scarred with anal fissures and have acquired the
00:40heat and aids, I myself included. Back in June, they released their fourth full-length album, Lines Vines and Trying
00:47Times. I downloaded a tour of the album so I could make this review. I wasn't going to go out
00:52and buy the album and feed that filthy Disney brand, and I don't believe the album would be available.
00:57It's not available at any of my local libraries nearby. They don't need any more money. Certainly none from me.
01:03The biggest selling factor of the Jonas Faggots is the fact that they are three boys, so all the stupid
01:08bitches that sit in front of the Disney Channel after school each day till bedtime will latch on, since they
01:13do everything Disney tells them to do anyway.
01:15The first problem with the album is the cover. These own musical asshole pulpits are getting up in your personal
01:21space, perching up on their arms like they're death. But they play pop music like a bunch of pussies. They
01:27also have brown hair and the little one has no eyes.
01:30The next problem has to do with the name of the album. It's called Lines Vines and Trying Times. Lines
01:36Vines and Trying Times. It's giving me a headache to merely read the goddamn title of the album. It's so
01:44stupid.
01:44What in the name of hell are they trying to say? I suppose whoever's idea it was to call the
01:49album is, is not very savvy with the words. It doesn't make any sense to me, that's for sure.
01:54It's actually a foreshadowing of the lyrical shitstorm that's inside. Right off the bat, you're hit with a load of
02:01fake pop garbage with a song called World War 3. There's shitty guitar riffs and licks.
02:06There's a studio brass band in the background, which does not bear any relevance to the band itself, casting itself
02:12as a needless embellishment of needless piss-ass above all the other studio backings this so-called band's sound is
02:18pre-newit. It's like a Huey Lewis album from Hell.
02:21To top off all this bullshit, there are the lead vocals from none other than Faggot Joe. Joe's vocals are
02:27downright terrible. They are a terrible imitation of the greats that have come before him. It's like if Prince was
02:33slammed with a heavy dose of sodomy.
02:35By the way, I'm not that much of a Prince head like there are in some circles of people. The
02:40second track, Paranoid, comes in and sung so lazily and with lyrics written without a second thought. They are so
02:46sloppy. Just read these.
02:48I take the necessary steps to get some air into my chest. I'm taking all the doctor's meds. I am
02:53still freaking out. That's why my ex is still my ex. I never trust a word she says. I am
02:57running all the background checks and she's freaking out. Joe. These sound like lyrics some preteen would write during study
03:04hall as they are chewing on the drawstrings of their hoodie. How exactly do you do a background check on
03:09your ex? If she's freaking out, that's because you're stalking her and you can be charged with criminal penalties for
03:16such an act.
03:16The musical elements and key doesn't even fit the lyrical themes presented here. Way to go, blowjo. Poison Ivy is
03:24pointless and senseless lyrical void. Without the backing horns, once again, most people would tune this track out. Now I
03:31found out you were lying when you told me you were trying just to medicate the rash. Tangled vines they
03:36are deceiving from the lines that now are leading. To the truth I need to hear. Everyone's allergic to Poison
03:42Ivy. Everyone's allergic to Poison Ivy. Everybody gets the itch.
03:46Everybody hates that everyone's allergic to Poison Ivy. How? Here, I break out and I start to shake. When I
03:52hear your name, I can't walk away. I just can't do this. I can't stop. Even if I try I
03:58lay down my pride, I can't walk away. I get burned and I have to learn that the court's adjourned,
04:04can't walk away.
04:05What in the name of fuck? The fact that Joe Jonas is comparing having a rash to a relationship issue
04:11is not even the worst part about this set of lyrics.
04:13Is Poison Ivy supposed to be a metaphor for herpes? Are they even old enough to have sex? It's the
04:19most childish metaphor I've ever heard.
04:21For albums and they are trying to come across as having grown older, but they have hardly rubbed off the
04:27Disney playpen they've been fostered from.
04:29Of course, this problem is not exclusive to our Jonas faggots. This part ends with them making a civil justice
04:35metaphor and some lifeless cliche to follow.
04:38When going to record vocals, did Joe accidentally pick up the first draft of the lyrics instead of the finalized
04:43version?
04:44Because this is what it sounds like. This is pinnacle creative constipation when it comes to lyric writing.
04:50I can't imagine any Jonas Brothers fangirls giving a shit about this song in one year since this album was
04:56released.
04:57It's so long and drawn out and repetitive for such a meaningless tune. This sort of horrendousness does not stop.
05:04Hey Baby, like Paranoid, contains another sloppy vocal performance. Much better sounds like a Cher song.
05:10Here are the lyrics.
05:11I get a rep for Breaking Hearts. Now I'm done with superstars. And all the tears in her guitar. I'm
05:18not bitter. But now I see everything I'd ever need is the girl in front of me. She's much better.
05:24You I wanna fly with you tear up the sky with you you're much better. Sure. Absolutely, Joe.
05:29He says he's done with superstars, but guess what? He's a child star for Disney. He's a Hollywood twat for
05:35life. So these lyrics mean nothing.
05:37Everything is so overwrought by the 9th song, just like the Miley Cyrus album, just like the Demi Lozado song.
05:44Don't charge me, for the crying could be the worst one of all these tracks. For one, they included a
05:50rapper who raps a guest verse.
05:51Because? Because, money. That's all I can think to guess. Money is all this record company knows.
05:58Once again the vocals are spot on with the shit performance. And let's not forget the lyrics.
06:03This is life in this world. Some things go right. Some things go wrong. This is how the world can
06:07be.
06:08But we just wanna be free. Yeah.
06:10Jeez. Whoever the rapper is, he's terrible.
06:12It's as if he wrote these lyrics while he was on the toilet, eating some disgusting candy, like tots.
06:18The verdict came in and said, I was guilty.
06:21I looked at the judge and said, America built me. Tried to get rich.
06:24But they labeled me filthy. Only God can judge me. Feel me.
06:28Who's life is this guy talking about? Some disenfranchised person? Is he disenfranchised?
06:34Also, declaring an overruling by some imaginative deity is an infringement of everyone else's intelligence and rights, you crim.
06:41Friend calls me at 9 o'clock says get the car it's time to rock never hear him speak this
06:45way.
06:46Very unimaginative with this rhyme scheme.
06:48Grab the keys and hit the road it's all a flash, but who would know, how this story will unfold
06:53don't charge me for the crime.
06:55Again. Very unimaginative. I'm cringing.
06:58Friend gets into the car with bags filled to the top with loads of cash throws his pistol in the
07:03dash.
07:04That is a very stupid thing to do with a gun right after robbing a bank, liquor store, or whatever.
07:09Why is this friend using such a puny gun?
07:12This shows he's simulating movie script into the song's lyrics which just shows how unimaginative he is.
07:17Why would anyone throw a loaded gun onto a dashboard?
07:20I thought this band was marketed towards a young audience.
07:23Any preteen can infer that the friend being mentioned who is carrying the gun has shot someone with it, or
07:29at least it's possible.
07:30The intercom vocals sound terrible with Joe's voice.
07:34It's another example of these Disney pop stars trying to show variation in such a shallow way.
07:39Seeking progression and eclecticism in these corporate pop stars is like shopping generic brand medicine and band-aids at a
07:45drugstore or supermarket.
07:47I'm still cringing.
07:48There's no grip with these lyrics.
07:50They are so poetically feeble, like those cribs that keep getting recalled.
07:54By the way, generic brand foods are actually very enjoyable, and sometimes better than main brands.
08:00Like with Cheez-Hit Crackers, and Apple Jacks, for example.
08:04The album concludes with a handful of copy-based melodrama pseudo-sentimental songs, as many of the ones from Disney
08:10are.
08:11They are barely worth mentioning.
08:12They put me to sleep.
08:14So I guess I won't.
08:15Overall, it's musically lifeless.
08:18It's akin to that shit-hole Taylor Swift album, Fearless.
08:21Nick's vocals are strange-sounding, like he's out of breath and are just as bad as Joe Jonas's.
08:27Kevin's guitar playing is lame with no originality.
08:30There's nothing special, intimate, or memorable about it.
08:33Over 20 people working on this album, not including the string orchestra, a $1 million budget, over 4 years of
08:40album making, and touring, and it amounts to a big nothing.
08:43There's no musical distinction within this album.
08:46How pitiful of their fans to be wasting their formative years listening to such crap.
08:51Real and innovative musicians are being swept aside, because they don't have the financial stamina to keep up with this
08:57top band of the media's preference.
08:59If you find a Jonas Brothers album anywhere, burn it to ash.
09:02If you see it in any store selling it, throw it deep into one of store's trash disposals, that way
09:08you won't be cited with theft and no revenue will be generated for this band or its label.
09:39That's a lovely people in your house.
09:40It's lovely to see that there's something new that people have thought about it.
09:42It's a sensationalist, and it's a sensationalist.
09:43It's such a sense of personal, emotional, and a reality that you're used to be made on the streets.
09:43You're a gay man.
09:43I'm a gay man.
09:43You're a gay man.
09:44I'm a gay man.
09:46I'm a gay man.
09:47I'm gay man.
09:48I'm gay man.
09:49You're gay man.
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