00:00Ladies and gentlemen. Today, I will be having the ultimate displeasure of reviewing a Britney Spears album.
00:05As most of you may know, she is one of the greatest evils within the music industry to have ever
00:09made acoustic contact with the everyday people.
00:12When I was nine years old, Britney Spears skyrocketed to the top of the mainstream pop music scene with What
00:17Might Be,
00:18along with a couple of other songs attached to her name, Hit Me Baby One More Time, the most popular
00:23single ever released.
00:24Just look at the fucking album cover. It's baffling to think that this was just 11 years ago.
00:29It looks no different than album covers for female pop singers from the 1980s.
00:33Holy shit, that was horrendous just to look at.
00:36And I apologize to the ones watching this video that they had to lay their eyes on that asshole distaste.
00:41Since that point in 1999, Britney Spears has put out a seemingly gargantuan amount of subsequent albums,
00:47all of which blew ass about, just as bad to strikingly worse than the first one.
00:51If that's not bad enough, the Spears pulpit bombs just about every performance she does.
00:55Just check the link in the description so you can see what I mean.
00:59This woman sells hundreds of millions of albums, but when she goes up on stage,
01:03all the illusion is tarnished and her voice is almost inaudible.
01:06Somehow, she keeps selling millions of albums, because guess what?
01:10Most people are stupid.
01:11And if she's not fucking up her songs on stage, she's acting like a total lunatic in her daily life,
01:16doing drugs and dating this equally talentless fuckhead named Kevin Federline.
01:20The review will be for the last album she released, which was Circus, back in 2008.
01:25I went to my local library with my travel laptop and imported her damn album so I could listen to
01:30it on my Zoom,
01:31while I was cleaning in my basement.
01:33The album starts with Wominizer.
01:35Once again.
01:36Worst voice in the music industry.
01:38Worse than Millie Cyrus.
01:39Listening to Britney Spears, it makes me think that at least Rahama has some competency, sometimes.
01:44And it's beyond repetitive with its chorus.
01:47Wominizer, woman in dash Wominizer, you're a Wominizer, oh, Wominizer, oh, you're a Wominizer.
01:52Baby you, you, you are, you, you, you are Wominizer, Wominizer, Wominizer, Wominizer.
01:58Boy, don't try to front eye, I know just, just what you are, are, are.
02:02Boy, don't try to front eye, I know just, just what you are, are, are you got me going, you're,
02:07oh, so charming,
02:09but I can do it, Wominizer.
02:10That's almost the entirety of the song, for fucking Christ's sake.
02:13In the song Circus, Britney says that she's hot shit and that she runs the show.
02:18If you're talking about a shit show, then you're right, but other than that, you don't run anything.
02:22The record companies run your stupid whore's sack of flesh.
02:25In the song Down Under, it gets worse.
02:27She had electro pop synths, but now there's acoustic guitars?
02:31What the fuck?
02:31And the song has such an abrupt ending and for that, the song makes no sense.
02:35In the song Kill the Lights, it's back to her typical dance synth pop style.
02:39Well, it's like somebody has their hand around her throat when she opens her mouth.
02:43And the chorus has a terrible hook, by the way.
02:46Completely unmusical.
02:47On the song Shatter, it sounds no different from Kill the Lights.
02:50Why can't she pronounce the word glass correctly?
02:53A computer can pronounce the word glass better than she can, certainly.
02:57Moving forward.
02:58Ow.
02:58What in the motherfucking name of Christ is that noise that's in the beginning of,
03:02If You See K Amy?
03:03Well, it's actually just our star of the show, Britney Spears.
03:06All these synths playing and none of them are played by her.
03:09In fact, not one instrument or piece of production hardware is touched by this parasite.
03:14Just look at this credits list I pulled from Wikipedia.
03:38Yeah.
04:06All these synths playing and nine times.
04:42That's right. Not one instrument touched by the Britster. Given her lack of singing ability when at a microphone, it
04:48is at this point safe to say that she, Britney Spears is just an over-glorified TV-14 rating prostitute
04:54that dances as the brain cell-killing computerized electronic arrangements of an invisible fat asshole plays through amphitheater and arena
05:00speakers. Holy shit, give your fucking record contract up, you weasel.
05:05And look at these lyrics.
05:10Oh, baby baby, have you seen Amy tonight? Is she in the bathroom? Is she smoking up outside? Oh, oh,
05:23baby baby, does she take a piece of lime for the drink that I met by her? Do you know
05:27just what she likes? Oh.
05:28Oh. And what do you know, this bitch has nothing to sing about. Oh, tell me, have you seen her?
05:33Cause I'm so, oh, I can't get her off of my brain, I just wanna go to the party she
05:37gone go can somebody take me home? Ha ha hee hee ha ha ho.
05:40Oh, this woman is actually just a prostitute. And the news media is worried about rock and metal lyrics having
05:46a bad influence in today's youth? How on earth can you let a young teenage girl listen to the music
05:51of Britney Spears and expect her to get an SAT score above 10, 11, or 1200? Things like that shouldn't
05:57happen. In the song Unusual You, I'm bored out of my mind. Also, what is with that breathy vocal line
06:03that she does? Can't she just sing like a regular human being?
06:06Like an Eka Van Giersperden? Like an Wilson? Like Patti Smith? You know what kinds I mean, given those three.
06:13The next song Unpappy just might be the worst song in this album. Here, she goes for a meaner lady
06:18impression. It's squeaky, irritating, and she just sounds like a day drinker. At 1 minute and 55 seconds she delivers
06:25her grossest vocal passage or, if you prefer to call it, a motif that is contained anywhere on this album.
06:31Honestly, it makes me feel very ill and my complexion becomes pale and I could throw the fuck up from
06:36just how a bitch is.
06:36Malang putrid this music is. Then there's that moment at the mark of exactly three minutes. What the fuck? She
06:42sounds like a Barbie Muppa brat. That's not what you want to do when you've been given a Class A
06:46record contract, whoreface. Being one of the only songs she has a songwriting credit to, in Mannequin, she chose to
06:53have not proven her talent in that department. It was written by four other producers, aside from her, which is
06:58utterly ridiculous. There's also this retarded moaning in the background. How indisputably deserving of industry accolades and expedient high-volume
07:06cash flow.
07:06So that shit is. Am I right? In the song Lace and Leather, it's clear, this is music not written
07:12to last after a few years. The album ends with My Baby, another artificially sentimental gallant attempting to raise her
07:18merit as an artist slash singer and person.
07:20Because we all know how wonderful it would be to be friends with Britney Spears. Especially these days. And her
07:26timbre did not for a second in this release dial back from abrasiveness on the Coachella. She has a bonus
07:31track that completely wipes the mood of the previous song completely away.
07:34This album is under 50 minutes. Why wouldn't the producers just leave silence between My Baby and Ray there? If
07:40it's not intended to be part of the main album, leaving it to play immediately after the last song will
07:45make me or another person listening think it's meant to be part of the album.
07:48It's as if somebody has just taken a dump in my ears. Holy lake of fire and blood, I need
07:54to go listen to some real music, like Pantera or Tool. It blows my mind to think that this slut
07:59has put out six albums.
08:00The general public is clearly lacking in real musical taste. They don't have any brains, or what is more likely,
08:06no knowledge of all the thousands of bands and solo musicians across the planet whose music is drowned out by
08:11the barrage of the crap hats like Britney Spears.
08:14To solve this onslaught, maybe for the next set of music videos and tours, Britney could cover her body all
08:19the way so that no skin is showing, put a hat in her head to cover up her face, and
08:23start trying to sing correctly and not use auto-tuned.
08:25That way, everyone will see her for who she truly is, a piece of bait presented by the soulless corporate
08:30recording industry marketing teams.
08:32This must be the worst album of 2008 and the one of the worst albums of the last decade, and
08:37trust me, the 2000s had a lot of crap albums, that is, with my ten times better and excellent albums
08:43right beneath shovelfuls of ones like these.
08:45If you have any Britney Spears albums in your home, I order you to get rid of them. Do not
08:50take them to donation centers or sell them. Put the CD in the microwave and let it explode.
08:54Then, take the remnant broken pieces out, slide them into a bag and send them to a landfill. Afterwards, go
09:00reward yourself with a new Riverside album.
09:03.
09:05.
09:06.
Comments