- 19 hours ago
Compass - Season Episode 11
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Short filmTranscript
00:15Oh, I'm feeling sexy already.
00:18You never know, my next career choice might be a burlesque performer.
00:22I think it's going to be.
00:23I would love that.
00:25Cover me in sequence.
00:26Yes.
00:27I've got the shoulder going.
00:30Shake me.
00:31I just feel extremely comfortable on burlesque stages, which is interesting because people
00:39would sometimes consider it quite vulnerable to be taking off your clothes in front of people.
00:45I can remember looking at him and I just got this flood of, oh, I want a piece of that.
00:51She got more than a piece ultimately, didn't she?
00:54I'm Madeline Stewart and I'm spilling the tea on love, lust and everything in between.
01:01Gaining intimate access into everyday disabled people's love lives.
01:05To ask the question, what's the big deal with disabled sex?
01:11Being paralysed and kind of stuck flat and having to tell people what to do was kind of being
01:16dominant.
01:17But in the act of sex, I felt very submissive and everyone did things to me.
01:21Which sounds great, you know, sometimes, but sex to me is more about versatility.
01:26From mainstream perspectives, disability is either infantilised or fetishised.
01:32We are not allowed to be sexy or we are only sexy because it is a specialised fetish.
01:39You want to be seen sexually and attractively.
01:45There's no reason why you can't be.
01:50Oh, and by the way, if you thought this didn't apply to you, statistically speaking, you're
01:55just a stumble down the stairs away from being one of us.
01:58Welcome.
02:10It is incredibly freeing to perform burlesque because it feels like you're breaking the
02:17rules.
02:18Jacqueline Tedmondson, also known as Diana Devine, is a 29-year-old award-winning burlesque performer
02:25based in Adelaide.
02:27Getting naked on a stage is not something I would ever have been, you know, allowed to
02:33do.
02:33As a person with disability, I know exactly what it's like to be looked at every single day.
02:38But when you perform, you get to control the way that people view you.
02:42You're in charge of the way that people perceive you.
02:45And that's what Jacqueline, or should I say Diana Devine, does so well.
02:56It's, yeah, empowering, I would say, to take your clothes off and have people cheer, especially
03:03being not a particularly thin body type, being visibly disabled.
03:10Jackie is neurodivergent and also has a physical disability.
03:15Sometimes she uses a walking stick and sometimes a wheelchair, proving once and for all that
03:20mobility aids can be really hot.
03:25Having genuine support when you're showing off your body in all its glory, it's not something
03:31that a lot of people would imagine would happen.
03:35The most common nightmare is you're naked when you shouldn't be, and this is what I'm
03:40choosing to do on my weekends.
03:42The sexual expression was also something that I was really drawn to.
03:46I'm having that ability to do whatever I want on stage and kind of command the audience.
03:55Diana Devine is the boss.
03:58So sexy, so in control, you have to surrender to Diana Devine.
04:08I do encourage everyone who's won these titles to just obnoxiously sash wear.
04:12Yeah, wear the sash.
04:13Yeah.
04:14Don't pack it away.
04:15My disability is kind of dynamic and multifaceted, but primarily I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome,
04:22which is a connective tissue disorder.
04:24It's genetic and degenerative.
04:26It basically means any of the soft tissue in my body, so that includes muscles, that includes
04:31my skin, it's all particularly stretchy and can break and tear easily.
04:37But most commonly that translates into easily dislocating my joints.
04:41What's been your journey around disability and discovering your disability?
04:46Because with a lot of chronic illnesses, it can take a little while to figure out what's going on.
04:50As a child, I did have a lot of injuries.
04:53Often I had my friends comment on the fact that I always had something wrapped up or strapped up.
04:57We didn't really link any of this together.
04:59When I was about 19 years old, I had quite a significant back injury while performing.
05:06Because I had spent my whole life ignoring that pain, I'd built up a really strong pain tolerance
05:11and had stopped kind of acknowledging how bad the pain was.
05:16After that, we kind of started monitoring my injuries a lot closer.
05:215.5 million Australians live with disability.
05:25That's over 20% of us, quite a chunk.
05:28Lots of people with disability embrace their differences, finding pride, power and sensuality in their uniqueness.
05:36One of these.
05:38Yes.
05:38I wanted to ask, does your disability sometimes shape your sexuality?
05:43Definitely chronic pain plays a huge part in libido and how often I actually want to and then there's the
05:51wanting versus the physically able.
05:54Navigating my fairly fragile body, which can dislocate quite easily, it's tricky.
06:03You know, sometimes I've had injuries from sex and so a lot of the time it feels like it's when
06:09the stars align.
06:10Other times it feels like a spontaneous why not and you're kind of risking it a little bit, which can
06:18also add to the fun of it at the end of the day.
06:27Let's go.
06:29Trucking.
06:32Good for you.
06:33Welcome to my boudoir.
06:35Ooh.
06:37It's not every day getting to a shed with a young man.
06:40All right, let's have a look.
06:42Ooh.
06:44Reveal.
06:45Who's this hunk?
06:47Um, so that is an old Snapchat photo I found of myself.
06:51Wow, Kyle.
06:52So.
06:53Whoa, whoa, whoa.
06:54Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
06:56Well, yeah.
06:57I mean, I used to make a joke that I would have abs for my life and then I broke
07:01my neck.
07:01Well, you kind of do have abs all your life.
07:04It's captured in paint.
07:05True.
07:06Yeah.
07:07It's forever.
07:08True.
07:08Yeah.
07:10My good friend Kyle Montgomery is from Wollongong, south of Sydney.
07:14At 38, he's a disability activist and a visual artist.
07:18And you paint a lot of the female form.
07:22Who could not like women, the form of women?
07:25I mean, just bodies in general.
07:26I started out doing landscapes, but when I used to draw, I loved drawing portraits and
07:32I loved drawing just the human form.
07:36Before his injury, Kyle was a super fit and active guy.
07:41He ran a mixed martial arts gym teaching adults and children.
07:45In 2019, he was training with a friend when a wrestling manoeuvre went terribly wrong.
07:51I tried to go for a takedown.
07:53I couldn't get him, so I switched up for what was called a shoulder throw.
07:56The problem was I didn't turn my neck correctly to roll.
08:01I actually landed in a position that actually forced my neck to go under my body, which caused
08:06a hyperextension injury.
08:08And it sounded like a large branch snapping.
08:11That's what it sounded like.
08:13I could see my legs and I could see my body, but I couldn't feel any of it.
08:19And then over time, I started to feel my breathing get worse and worse.
08:23And I was like, I think my system was shutting down.
08:27And that's when I started to panic because I was like, I think I'm like dying.
08:36Kyle spent almost a year in hospital.
08:41Slowly, he got some arm and bicep function back and his injury was classified as a C5 level
08:47quadriplegia.
08:49Kyle was in the process of splitting up with his partner when the accident happened.
08:54I literally had this life changing injury, lost a partner of 10 years, and I've been
09:00living in hospital.
09:02Yeah, I think the grieving was probably the biggest thing.
09:07Getting used to the idea that I'm a wheelchair user.
09:11Hoping that I would be one of the miracle people that get up and walk again.
09:15And all these things I'm struggling with now will be a distant memory until it wasn't.
09:23Kyle was working hard in rehab and still figuring out what his body could do.
09:30Erections started happening and I was like, oh, it still works.
09:33Cool.
09:35So I started having these thoughts around sex now because, you know, typical man, you
09:40know, hard sex.
09:42I wasn't even thinking of sex in like a more holistic sense.
09:46It was just like, I just need someone to sit on top of that right now.
09:50All I knew at the time was I wanted some fun and sex.
09:54So yeah, I wrote this haiku.
09:56Cool guy in a chair looking for a fun, cute girl to sit on his face.
10:00That was it.
10:00Yeah.
10:01It's perfect.
10:01Yeah.
10:02I'd swipe right on the haiku.
10:04Well, I discovered that was the case.
10:06Yeah.
10:06I think part of me was like, do I put myself in the wheelchair in my dating profile?
10:13Mm.
10:14So my main profile picture was the blue hospital curtains and me in a wheelchair.
10:20I don't know, doing these ones or I don't know what I was doing.
10:23Well, look, the haiku did the heavy lifting, my friend.
10:26Yeah.
10:26I don't think it's very desirable to see someone in hospital in any dating profile.
10:30Yeah.
10:31But I think it was more like, this is my reality.
10:33Mm.
10:34I may as well show it because we're not going to be going on any fancy dates by the beach.
10:41Just before COVID hit, Kyle moved into a service department with 24-hour care and support.
10:48Unable to make sourdough like everyone else during lockdown, Kyle hit the dating apps for a few hookups.
10:54We'd have our little chat, build a little bit of a connection.
10:59We're going to do this.
11:00Cool.
11:01I would have my support workers nearby.
11:03Can you put me into bed?
11:04You can go away for now and come back in like, I don't know, an hour or two or I'll
11:10call out to you.
11:11And then, you know, the person would come in and we'd do the deed, yeah.
11:15Wow.
11:16Because I wondered what that would be like as someone, you know, chatting on Tinder, come on over.
11:20And then there's like a room full of people and you're like, oh, don't worry about them.
11:24Yeah.
11:25I very much told people what the go was.
11:27This person's going to come in, put me to bed, they're going to leave.
11:29Cool.
11:30And that was kind of the deal.
11:37We're all human beings.
11:38And part of being human is experiencing disability.
11:40It's a natural part of it.
11:42And when disability inevitably comes into your life, it's a great opportunity for self-acceptance and self-exploration as well.
11:57Hey, have a look at the ducks.
11:58Oh, goodness me.
12:00Dr Deborah Keenahan lives on the central coast of New South Wales.
12:04She's an artist, a playwright and an academic with two PhDs to her name.
12:09Attraction is a strange and inexplicable thing.
12:13Yes.
12:15Physically, it hits me.
12:17She met her husband Robert, a photographer, on a shoot in 2014.
12:22We were taking these photographs and Robert had his camera.
12:25It was one smooth movement of twisting his cap around and bending down so that he was crouching to take.
12:37And I can remember looking at him and I just got this flood of, oh, I want a piece of
12:44that.
12:48She got more than a piece ultimately, didn't she?
12:54Even now, if he does that, I still get that, whoa, vital question.
13:01How do you navigate the height difference?
13:04I embrace it.
13:06Yeah.
13:07And you're always the same height lying down.
13:11We are.
13:13That's right.
13:13So, lying down, yes, it makes no difference, does it?
13:21Deborah and Robert married in 2017 with Deborah's daughter, Sarah, the bridesmaid.
13:27Robert, is there anything that Deborah does that makes you go, oh?
13:31Yes.
13:32Sometimes she gets this childish grin on her face.
13:36I'm almost telling you, she's so cute.
13:39Never tired of seeing it.
13:40Look, like that.
13:41There we go.
13:41That's the one.
13:44Shall we take the plunge?
13:46Yes.
13:47Deborah, how does Robert make you feel?
13:52Oh, accepted.
13:54Loved.
14:01I'm the only one with dwarfism in my family.
14:05That's typical for people with achondroplasia.
14:0880% of us are born to average height parents.
14:14I think their approach was that I was treated just like everybody else.
14:22I can remember my dad saying to me,
14:24Deborah, it would be really good if society came to you.
14:30And maybe it should, but it probably won't.
14:34You're going to have to go to society.
14:38And go to society she has.
14:41Deborah is a tireless and vocal advocate with her work depicting the experience of disability.
14:47Her latest script, Who's Going to Love You, is in development for the stage.
14:52What about your body?
14:54How do you like to be touched?
14:56What gives you pleasure?
14:58Gentle, caring head rubs.
15:02I can close my eyes and drift away.
15:06Like so?
15:09Yes.
15:09Yes.
15:11Please.
15:13Take the weight of my head in your hands.
15:17So Deborah, tell me a bit more about this work.
15:19What things pulled you to this work?
15:21It's about the search, the recognition of sexuality, the search for love and a relationship, intimacy and acceptance.
15:36And I think everybody can relate to that.
15:38Yeah.
15:39Meeting Deborah and Robert have really shown me that there is a difference between sexual expression and intimacy and sex.
15:47They all fill different cups that we have and are all vital parts of our healthy sexual expression.
15:55Let's do a bit of that.
15:58Jackie and her husband, Jackson, met as teenagers in high school.
16:02It was casual day and he noticed me.
16:05That is honestly, for any girl who has the mufty day, you dress to impress.
16:11Exactly.
16:12Well done.
16:13Yes, I did it.
16:14You did it.
16:14You live in the dream.
16:16Yes.
16:18Sparks Blue.
16:20A teenage romance blossomed into a lasting relationship.
16:25They've been together for 15 years and married for five of them.
16:29It must be such a lovely bond that you have very intimate.
16:33Yeah, absolutely.
16:34He has seen me at my worst and at my best.
16:37And I would think the same for me seeing him.
16:41And I think we've both had the opportunity to kind of grow into ourselves.
16:44And luckily we have grown together in that time.
16:47That's cute. I like that.
16:49I think these are our friends that are poly but are not our partners.
16:55Disability doesn't discriminate.
16:56It's intersectional and diverse with people expressing their sexuality in many ways.
17:02Around one third of the queer community also identify as having disability.
17:08So Jackson isn't actually your only partner.
17:11Could you please talk to me a little bit about polyamory?
17:13Yeah.
17:14So Jackson and I have been polyamorous the whole time.
17:17We've been together.
17:17It kind of was born of myself realising I was bisexual.
17:23His logic was, well, if we're together forever, I don't want to lock you into never being able to explore
17:30this side of yourself.
17:32Yeah, it began as it often does of you're allowed to kiss other girls just to just to play around.
17:38And then I realised that I wouldn't be that jealous if he were to kiss other girls as well.
17:44And then we both kind of realised we wouldn't be jealous if we were to date other people as well.
17:50And it just kind of snowballed into like, as long as we're communicating, we were kind of happy for everyone
17:56to do what made them happy.
17:59So currently, I'm not actively seeing anyone else.
18:03Jackson does have another person.
18:04She's just absolutely lovely.
18:06And as far as I'm concerned, it's another person in our little community.
18:10I hate the math part.
18:12Well, that's poly for you.
18:14Math.
18:14We all hate the math.
18:16And calendars.
18:16Yeah.
18:17The two worst beats.
18:19What impact does your disability have when it comes to dating when you do date?
18:23So I have had really good and really bad experiences dating as a disabled person.
18:30Haven't we all?
18:31I mean, yeah, it's part and parcel.
18:34I have received some pretty badly worded pickup lines usually.
18:39Some, yeah, really rough things like, oh, good to know you can't run away and things like that.
18:44They think it's funny, but we find terrifying.
18:48Yes, it's kind of a threat.
18:49It's threatening, isn't it?
18:51You can't run away from me.
18:52Yeah.
19:03Touch is a large part of life.
19:06But for many people with disability, it's medical touch through doctors and support workers.
19:13So what role does touch have in your life?
19:16Yeah, that is definitely a weird area when it comes to support workers.
19:22Because, like, you're very close and intimate with people.
19:25Because I am naked all the time, in the mornings, obviously.
19:28So, like, things like massage and stretching.
19:32I'm nude.
19:33Someone's doing that, facilitating it for me.
19:38You know, they're helping me go to the toilet.
19:43You know, sharing me, washing my body, things like that.
19:46There is a lot of intimate touch.
19:49So there's this weird crossover of, like, platonic intimacy into, like, I don't know, in a way of desire, I
19:59guess.
20:01I don't think it's very uncommon for people that have support workers and maybe not dating and they are alone
20:06to feel an attraction to the support worker.
20:08And this is, like, I guess, feeding into the sex stuff and just dating in general.
20:13If you're deprived of that, you go into this strange zone of, like, mistaking certain touch for, like, not just
20:26kindness, but, like, like, ah.
20:30I guess, stepping into this weird grey area where that touch could be misconstrued as, like, a form of, like,
20:38desire or, like, affection.
20:40So that is a bit of a danger there.
20:42Oh, there you go.
20:45Like many men his age, Kyle still had a strong interest in sex.
20:51Did you get any help with sex when you were in hospital?
20:54Were there OTs or specialists that talked you through your options, or...?
20:58It was very much like a sex ed class in school, where we'd all rock up in our wheelchairs, and
21:03one of them was around sex.
21:05Mainly fertility. It was mostly medical. No one specifically looking at sex holistically.
21:11How did you learn how to have sex again? Because it would be quite different now.
21:16My plan for that was to try sex work.
21:21Because I knew sex workers would have experience with people with disabilities. That was the thought that I had.
21:26I don't know how to have sex. I don't know if I'm going to like it.
21:29And I feel a lot of discomfort and insecurity around it.
21:33So I thought, with the sex work experience, maybe I can learn something to get that confidence back.
21:40Or just feel safe about it.
21:42Did it help you? Did you learn some things?
21:45I think what I really learned was that I needed to stop looking at sex so one-dimensionally.
21:53But because I couldn't physically achieve it like I used to, all those other things that I would normally do
21:58in sex were kind of out of the picture for me.
22:00Because they were all part of the main goal, you know what I mean?
22:07To get them off and then get me off.
22:10Whereas for me, I didn't know what getting me off looked like.
22:13Because I didn't know if I could.
22:15Very much learned that I couldn't achieve an orgasm, even though things still worked.
22:19And that was frustrating.
22:20But what I discovered was just the closeness, cuddling, kissing, was fun all together.
22:28And I really just liked the closeness and the intimacy at the end of the day.
22:33Oh, hey.
22:33Hey!
22:35So, here are my sex aids that I use for my fun times.
22:40For your fun times?
22:41For my fun times.
22:41And they're accessible?
22:42Yes, they're all disability specific stuff.
22:44Oh, I'm very excited then.
22:45I discovered that I am able to do doggy style using the hoist and sling.
22:52A hoist and a sling with a doggy style?
22:55So, is this part of it?
22:56Yeah.
22:56So, this is part of it.
22:57So, basically, I'm able to put myself in this kind of a standing position.
23:01So, I'm basically vertical.
23:04And, you know, if I do it above the bed, the person can go on all fours.
23:09But the problem with that is, we discovered that they had to kind of hold on and pull me to
23:14them.
23:14It was a bit awkward.
23:16Yeah.
23:16And I can't really grab them.
23:18Yeah.
23:18But this works.
23:20So, I can put that through.
23:22So, imagine this is underneath the person's waist.
23:26Imagine.
23:27Because usually, because of my situation, the person having sex with me, I'm not really doing the sex.
23:34Yeah.
23:35Whereas these kind of aids allow me to have the control.
23:38Yeah.
23:38So, I feel like I'm doing something.
23:40Yeah.
23:40It must feel so nice.
23:41Yeah.
23:42Yeah, yeah.
23:42It's awesome.
23:43Oh!
23:43The next mystery box.
23:46Viberact.
23:47Ooh.
23:47I've not seen a sex toy like this.
23:49How does this...
23:50What goes...
23:51I'm confused.
23:52This looks like a hair straightener.
23:53Yeah.
23:53It does look like something I used in the 2000s that would whip my hair out and be like...
23:57I think it's for fertility, mainly.
23:59Oh.
23:59So, people that have, like, neurological injuries that aren't able to ejaculate if they want to have children.
24:05Mm-hmm.
24:05It helps facilitate...
24:06Well, I guess in a sense an orgasm, but the purpose is for ejaculation to get sperm and have children.
24:12But none of this is covered by the NDIS.
24:16In 2020, the Federal Court ruled that people with disability can use their NDIS funds to access sex work services,
24:24along with sex aids.
24:26Though, reportedly, few people were using it, in 2024, the government changed the rules, banning it.
24:34When we consider that the Federal Government subsidises Viagra, which is totally reasonable and necessary, it just doesn't seem fair.
24:44With so many people with disability living at or below the poverty level, affording sexual support without the NDIS isn't
24:52a possibility for many.
24:54Access to sex workers have been removed from the NDIS.
24:58Mm-hmm.
24:58What are your thoughts on this?
25:00Absolutely bullshit.
25:01The Royal Commission into what was it?
25:03Violence, neglect, abuse and exploitation of disabled people show the facts that disabled people are extremely vulnerable to sexual assault,
25:12domestic violence,
25:13all kinds of violence, and sex work is a safe avenue to help disabled people experience and access sex.
25:22You take that away, you are putting vulnerable people into these vulnerable scenarios.
25:28The NDIS is about choice and control.
25:31Taking away sex work is taking away both of those things.
25:35Uh-huh. I get it. Yeah.
25:37I like that one too.
25:39For Deborah, these changes are negating human rights.
25:43Sexuality is an inherent part of being human.
25:47To be denied an avenue to express what is an essential part of being human is to deny a person's
26:01humanity.
26:02That's nice. Do you want to give it a go? Yeah, I'll give it a go.
26:06I reckon I need to do it.
26:08Jackie and Jackson are expecting a baby.
26:12They're taking their new pram for a test drive.
26:15I can actually lean on it like a walker now.
26:18Nice.
26:19I'm really excited to be a parent and to kind of help navigate the world with a little person.
26:27I do think, especially being queer and disabled, I have a lot of understanding of how tough the world can
26:34be, but also how nice it can be with community and with people who really love and support you.
26:40So we don't really care if it's a boy or a girl.
26:43And honestly, we don't really mind if it's healthy because it will probably be chronically ill.
26:48But as long as it's funny, we're happy.
26:52We are all human beings.
26:54And part of that is forming intimate connections with others, just like you.
26:59There needs to be a shift in the way that people and governments view disability and sex.
27:05I, for one, think that people with disability have the most innovative and exciting sex lives.
27:11We're very sexy people, but we're not objects to fetishize and we're not burdens on the taxpayer.
27:18We're not here to be your inspiration, nor do we want your pity.
27:22We are lovers and partners and mothers and fathers and friends.
27:29We are valuable parts of society.
27:32And like all people, we deserve to feel sexy and safe.
27:48You heard me right.
27:50Ain't gonna lie.
27:53Guess I'm calling you a gold digger.
27:55Cause you ain't messing with no broke bitches.
27:58I'm not your sugar mama.
28:00Won't spend my money on you.
28:02I'd rather save my dollars so high.
28:06Just look at these views.
28:07Won't spend my money on you.
28:09Wander not going crazyaccoơnben incredul nag thıp.
28:11Just look at there.
28:12There's no beautifulPEA data in here, who can feel sexy andsto do valuable.
28:13It's an image of the hassle and philosophy.
28:13You
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