00:04I once witnessed a conversation online. A child had been the victim of a horrendous racial verbal
00:11attack and the people in the chat were discussing this. Before I continue with this, I just want to
00:17express my sorrow to that child and to their family for what they experienced. It should not
00:23have happened and discrimination of any kind is abhorrent and should not be tolerated. Not only
00:29the actions of the perpetrators involved, but the comments that followed made my blood run cold.
00:35Comments such as, it is learned behavior, it comes from the parents, and they obviously were dragged
00:42up, not brought up. Why did this bother me so much, you might ask? I am the mother of a
00:48son that was
00:49radicalized and became involved in the extreme right wing when he was 15 years old. I found out
00:55many years later, and after he left, that my son himself was also the perpetrator of verbal racial
01:01attacks, and that made me sick to my stomach, and in all honesty it still does. So much so that
01:08I
01:08still find it difficult to talk about. Not only was I repulsed by what he had said and done, I
01:14was also
01:15deeply heartbroken, ashamed and angry. Since he was a baby, he was encouraged to look at people for who
01:21they are and treat all people with respect. Class, color, age, gender, faith, disability, was never an
01:30issue. The area in which we lived wasn't hugely diverse, but we did have a small but diverse range
01:36of family and friends whom he had always treated with the utmost respect. Nor did he ever see myself
01:42or other family members behaving in an inappropriate way. So those comments cut deep and reminded me of
01:48exactly what I feared during my own son's involvement, and why I found it so difficult to
01:54talk about, let alone reach out for advice and support. I was terrified, not only of what was
02:01happening to my son, but also of people reacting to and judging me in the same way. Having supported
02:08many families though exit hate family support, many of those feel exactly the same. They too are scared
02:15and alone, and let me just take a second to assure you that those families are not hateful,
02:20they are not racist, and they are most definitely not responsible for their loved ones' involvement
02:26or behaviour. The reality is that our children and loved ones were groomed. It is important that we
02:33all speak up on discrimination and bad behaviour. However, next time you see or hear a comment like that,
02:39please reserve your judgment on the parents and families of the perpetrator,
02:43because you have no idea of what they might be going through. And finally, if you need any help
02:49or support, please reach out to ACTEARLY. They offer free confidential advice, just search for them
02:55online. Or if you would like to talk to someone who has lived experience of extremism,
03:01please reach out to Exit Hate. We understand and never judge.
