- 11 hours ago
Bait S01E03-4
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:04I hear that. I really do. It's just really not a good day to me because it's Eid, so I've
00:08got to stick with family.
00:09Okay. Well, you could have stuck with the family yesterday, but now you've got to deal with the shit slum
00:12you've created.
00:13Is it really that bad? A lot of people seem to like the whole action man routine. I reckon it
00:17will help them visualize me as bod.
00:19Okay. Well, there is a lot of chatter. Some people think you're a tough guy. Other people think you're insane.
00:22This could cost you the role.
00:24Oh, fuck.
00:27Shaju, how did you wait out?
00:29Mommy, you met Felicia?
00:30This is the team!
00:31Yeah, this is your agent!
00:36Mommy, my mom said wait in the car and I'm gonna get this sweet-
00:39Okay, come on, away.
00:39I don't want to take it.
00:40Felicia.
00:41Zafzofika.
00:42Sharon.
00:42The thing was you just babysitting Bonn.
00:44Now when the auntie is waiting for you.
00:46You're a disgrace.
00:47Felicia, you're going to get him the job.
00:48Yes.
00:49If he kills me.
00:51My Shahjah is just perfect for the job.
00:52I'll tell you why.
00:53When he was a little boy, he used to say,
00:54Mama, I want a license to kill.
00:57Remember Shahjah?
00:58Oh, how specific?
00:59I don't remember that.
01:01Oh, look, he's got the return.
01:02How?
01:03Just be a minute, okay?
01:04Bye-bye Felicia.
01:05Okay.
01:06You're not a black lady.
01:11Sorry.
01:12You are a black lady.
01:13I know.
01:17The fuck is this?
01:18You tell me.
01:24You know, I can't get into this right now.
01:26Okay, listen.
01:27None of this matters.
01:29Okay?
01:29No one reads the fucking news.
01:30However, this is a big problem.
01:33The person you assaulted, you broke his arm
01:35and now he wants an apology.
01:37Sid said he was going for the giant Buddha's head
01:39but now he's coming for you with 200,000 followers
01:41and counting, young and brown, your core fan base.
01:44Assaulted?
01:45This man ran at me with a metal object, Felicia.
01:48It was a can of spray paint, Shahjah.
01:49Yeah, in hindsight.
01:50I mean, the worst he could have done was tag you.
01:52Okay, fine.
01:53Just give him his apology.
01:54Okay, good.
01:54All right.
01:54So how are you going to do?
01:55Oh, no.
01:56You have to apologize.
01:58Run a video by end of day or he's pressing charges.
02:00Listen, it's Eid so I've got to stick with the fan.
02:02My mum usually hosts but I fucked that up this time.
02:04That's on me.
02:05I can't be dealing with this.
02:06I have to be with the fan today.
02:07I have to make it right.
02:08This is about your career, Shah.
02:10Your credibility in your community
02:11for the people that you say you're doing all of this for.
02:17Has he got more followers on me?
02:18Shah!
02:20Shah Latif here, Eid Mubarak to everyone celebrating.
02:23I want to address the incident at the King's Museum last night.
02:26You might have heard about it or seen it.
02:28Well, I lived it.
02:30And I want you to know that in that moment, I wasn't thinking at all.
02:33I was acting out of sheer instinct.
02:36Community is the most important thing in the world to me.
02:39And I would never take it for granted.
02:42And there's nothing more painful to me
02:43than to know that I might have hurt a member of my own community
02:47and to know that I might have betrayed your trust in some way
02:49hurts me deeply.
02:51You good, yeah?
02:52Yeah, I'm good, yeah.
02:55So, you've come to visit us lowly villagers.
02:59Oxford educated.
03:00But no sense.
03:01Why did you attack that young man?
03:03Don't listen to him.
03:04Come, let's take a selfie.
03:06And I want you to know that I'm going through everything in my power
03:09to make up for it and to make it right.
03:13You should have won black.
03:14Hmm?
03:16It will go better with the animal witch's gold palace.
03:18Hmm?
03:19It is my day.
03:20It belongs to all Muslims.
03:22But me.
03:22It's mine.
03:23And she took it.
03:24You know one thing she doesn't have?
03:26What?
03:28Her son.
03:29Saleem.
03:30You know, golden boy.
03:31I stood by a big shot.
03:33Always trying to compete with you.
03:35Bad shot.
03:36Probably getting a Russian prostitute pregnant this second.
03:38Don't talk filthy.
03:41Hard with that.
03:43She doesn't have her main attraction.
03:45You and me can be the stars of the show.
03:47We just...
03:48Come on.
03:50You worried about what Naughty Naila thinks?
03:51Mangy Naila.
03:52Mangy Naila.
03:53Oh, my God.
03:54Fucking Naila.
03:55She always shows skin because she's got no style.
03:58But where is she?
03:59She's probably too busy checking herself out.
04:00In the mirror, I have to come host our own boy.
04:15Sameena.
04:16He's Mubarak.
04:17He's Mubarak.
04:18So happy you could come.
04:20We've decided to co-host this year.
04:22His father, you've been great, Tahira.
04:24No, but you know Naila.
04:25How do you manage her?
04:26She doesn't manage her.
04:27She doesn't manage her.
04:28She doesn't manage her.
04:30She doesn't manage her.
04:30She doesn't manage her.
04:33She doesn't manage her.
04:33The Quran says charity is a blessing.
04:35In the garden, please.
04:36Eat Mubarak.
04:38Eat Mubarak.
04:39Eat Mubarak.
04:40Eat Mubarak.
04:40What the fuck?
04:41Don't leave my sight.
04:42Okay.
04:42Don't leave my sight.
04:44Eat Mubarak.
04:46It's not coming.
04:47Hello, ladies.
04:48Eat Mubarak.
04:49Eat Mubarak.
04:51Where is my wife?
04:52Sit, right?
04:54In the saint's seat.
04:55Now he has passed.
04:56You are the eldest.
04:57No, thank you.
04:58I'm fine standing.
05:00Baba.
05:00Go in your favor.
05:01Don't tell me, yeah?
05:02Is that how you're going to kill us, Bond?
05:04By raising the blood sugar?
05:06Yeah, I'll mention that to the writers.
05:08Now you're letting go.
05:11Maybe.
05:12Yeah, maybe.
05:12Why don't you do a Pakistani film?
05:14Something with Mubarak Khan in it.
05:15No, no.
05:15You're doing it.
05:16You're not.
05:19You're not.
05:19You're not.
05:19No, no.
05:20Anyway.
05:22I'm not going to do that.
05:24I'm not going to do it.
05:26No, no.
05:36I'm not.
05:38Just kidding.
05:39I'm not.
05:41No, no, no.
05:43No, no.
05:43No, no, no, no.
05:45this is the latest. This guy likes you. Also, the whole Aladdin outfit and the
05:54Bollywood sweet shop is their community like ten times. It feels like you're begging it.
05:59Maybe down the brow. I don't get it what is the problem. Shut up man, I'm 22 mate. What were
06:05you trying to get wifed up?
06:06Get it to me sooner rather than later. This is not going away. Hi everyone,
06:11Shah Latif here. Now last night at the King's Museum, a brother and I came into
06:15conflict. I should not have reacted the way that I did. And the brother in
06:20question, perhaps, should not have run at me with a metal object the way that he did.
06:25Nuba is a community-led. It's not fucking community-led. The fact is we're all in this
06:30together and in the future I promise to use my platform not to lash out but to reach out.
06:37Bro. Nuba is full. You want some chai or something? No. Nuba. Bro, we good? I'm good, are you good?
06:45Yeah, I'm good, bro. We good? I'm good, are you good? Yeah, I'm good. I'm good then. Nuba, not Nuba.
06:50What are you doing? Trying to focus, man. You are distracting me. All right. Yes. Yo, they got
06:55them little laddus over there with the pink and green balls on it. You want them? Big man, please. I
06:59don't
06:59want laddus right now, okay? I just want to concentrate. Are you supposed to be holding it on his hand?
07:03Oh, yeah. Shit. In a bit, yeah? Don't bring me no laddus.
07:07Move before that. Move the baby.
07:14It's only gone. It's only gone. It's only gone. You came in? Where have you been? I've just been checking
07:18on Baba and Zofi.
07:19Bastard, you promised you're not going to leave me. So if I just die, standing here alone...
07:23Please, please don't do this now. You left me. I'm sorry. I'll make it up.
07:27My name. My Salim is coming.
07:33Oh,my Salim!
07:35Oh, my god.
07:38I'll get to the top.
07:40Oh, my...
07:56Oh, oh...
07:58Oh, my.
08:01Oh, my...
08:02Oh, my...
08:05Look, Mr. Tobai.
08:07Look at him, the dancing monkey, doing his mother's dirty bidding, making Russian prostitutes pregnant.
08:12Look.
08:13No, he's not, mummy. That was a joke that I just made.
08:16Oh, look at that fresh spray.
08:19Zulfi, weakest of us all.
08:23Don't leave. Shadu, she's coming. Don't leave.
08:24Shadu, can I borrow your mummy for a minute?
08:26I need my ghost in the kitchen.
08:28Okay, we're just gonna...
08:29Okay, okay. No, no, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.
08:32Not absolutely.
08:35Our KPI is the most interesting thing about this, okay?
08:37It's the retention of the customer base after that discount period, you know?
08:40It's off the charts.
08:41People want more community-driven rideshare options.
08:43Yes, Salim.
08:44Yes.
08:45What are you saying, bro?
08:45Yes.
08:46Look at this guy.
08:47You good?
08:47Yeah. Come join us, man. Join us.
08:49I was good doing that anyway.
08:50Yeah, I got you some loaders, bro.
08:52That's why I never got your number.
08:54How you been?
08:54I've been good, bro.
08:55Yeah? You've been breaking shit.
08:57What do you mean by that?
08:59Glassielands.
09:00Thank you. Try it, man. Try it.
09:02And that guy's arm.
09:04It's just a fracture.
09:05Hey, just to bring this back to what we were talking about before you got here.
09:08Yeah.
09:08You know, our number of drivers are growing.
09:10By the day, we'll be in all key five bars by June.
09:13Muba!
09:13Sick idea, innit?
09:14I've been there from day one, I remember.
09:16Bro, I'm so proud of this guy.
09:17Gus Smith, so proud.
09:18And you know what's amazing?
09:19He's always been an entrepreneur.
09:20If anything, he just went from selling grams to Instagram.
09:26Just out of interest, what was your credit situation with the criminal record and everything?
09:30No problems whatsoever.
09:32No issues.
09:32And just for clarity, I didn't go inside for selling mall.
09:36It's not just five-bit of violent disorder.
09:37It was.
09:38It was self-defense, to be honest with you.
09:39It was only before, in a way.
09:40He's a ride or die, and he was there for me.
09:41Any credit issues, though?
09:42No credit issues, because I'm going all in with everything that I've got, right?
09:45So if you need any credit, if you need financing, just talk to me.
09:49Sorry, I was under the impression we were coming and seeing Drown rather than Series A.
09:53You see this conversation here?
09:54This is, in fact, the closest he's been to the business.
09:58Right?
09:59In fact, it was too close.
10:00Okay, give me back my dildos, then.
10:05Even for me personally, the most important quality of our MUBA is, in fact, the quality
10:10of the relationships.
10:11We're not just there for them when we want, because that's bullshit.
10:15That's fake.
10:16Get the fuck off me, bro.
10:17I don't know.
10:21And anyway, I've always had a passion for customer service.
10:23It's my thing.
10:24That's one thing I picked up in Dubai.
10:25That's what we do best, hospitality.
10:26That's our culture.
10:27One might say it, but the Muslim way of doing business.
10:30I love the idea.
10:31I'm going to present it to the guys.
10:33See what they say.
10:33Well, you're taking this.
10:35You're trying to get investment from Dubai.
10:39Yeah?
10:39Okay.
10:40Yeah.
10:41You been?
10:41No, I'm just saying, you know, Dubai works for people with the, you know, more like,
10:45with the, well, I mean, what the fuck's this guy going to do in Dubai, man?
10:48He ain't going to let you in, bro.
10:49You don't want to go there, man.
10:50I'm all in, yeah?
10:51Remember that.
10:55He was disrespectful.
10:56He referred to your quiff like that.
10:57There was no need.
10:58It was good.
10:59Sure.
10:59Ah, got your second apology.
11:01Yeah, that's not going to work.
11:02First of all, what was up with that background?
11:05If you post that, you'll have to issue a second apology for being a rich asshole.
11:08Also, you forgot to say sorry again.
11:11Oh, the first class in the same thing.
11:13I know.
11:14I'm sorry.
11:15I'm sorry.
11:16Next year, he does back at yours, no?
11:18No, absolutely, yes.
11:19Very kind of you to step in this year, Naila.
11:22I don't want to say anything wrong.
11:24Everything is fine, right?
11:25I don't want to say anything.
11:27Why?
11:28No, nothing.
11:30Just because I was watching him here, and I thought I worry for him.
11:36For all of you.
11:37It's so much pressure.
11:39That's very kind of you to worry.
11:40I see a bit of your sister in him.
11:49Does Chacha have someone you can talk to?
11:52He has me.
11:54Rukhaya had you too.
11:55But she needed more help, no?
11:57And Pichariya doesn't know anything.
12:00Naila, please.
12:02It's all good.
12:02My son is going to be the next James Bond.
12:05We all couldn't be more proud.
12:10It's okay to talk about these struggles now.
12:12Really?
12:16It's all good.
12:18First class.
12:19First class.
12:30First class.
12:31First class.
12:31First class.
12:35First class.
12:36First class.
12:37First class.
12:39First class.
12:39First class.
12:40First class.
12:42First class.
12:46First class.
13:09Shah, we need that apology.
13:11We're running out of time.
13:12I've literally written it out for you.
13:14Just find a quiet, neutral route.
13:16Record it and send it back now, before it's too fucking late, okay?
13:23For fuck's sake.
13:41Am I interacting with you?
13:43Yeah.
13:44A conversation.
13:46Can you fucking close the door, please?
13:50Is this like you two?
13:51We need texting.
13:51I like her.
13:52Texting.
13:54Wow.
13:54How long has this been going on?
13:55Six months.
13:56Three months?
13:57Three months?
13:57Okay, so this is nothing.
13:59Can we please not do this in front of Shah?
14:00I'm sure.
14:01I'm not going to tell anyone.
14:02Why don't you come here?
14:02Can we not do this in front of Shah?
14:03I came here for you.
14:04But I never asked you to, did I?
14:06But I asked me to.
14:07I never, calm down.
14:08I never fucking asked you to.
14:09And this, this whole thing you're doing here, this is what I'm talking about.
14:11This is the whole problem.
14:12So just to clarify, you didn't come here to see Zulfield in for the thing?
14:13No.
14:14Yes.
14:15Does he know, by the way?
14:15Oh, for fuck's sake.
14:17He's going to find out now, isn't he?
14:18I'm not going to say anything.
14:19I've got your back.
14:20I've got your back.
14:21Look, we don't have to tell anyone.
14:23Let's just be real about what this is because this is something, right?
14:26Me and you both know it.
14:27What does that even mean, bro?
14:30You live a million miles away, okay?
14:32You have a whole life.
14:33You have fucking house keys, car keys, so many keys, okay?
14:37I have one key.
14:38I can give you keys.
14:39I don't want your keys, okay?
14:40I want mine.
14:40Yo, can I just step in here for a minute, offer maybe a different perspective?
14:43From my own more mature experience, yeah?
14:46I want an honest answer from both of you, okay?
14:48All right?
14:49All right.
14:50Now, let's say, let's say you've been texting.
14:52There's some emotional ambiguity about where you both stand.
14:56All right?
14:57Yeah?
14:57You can relate, right?
14:58You send a message, a heartfelt one.
15:00Instead of it going green, it goes grey.
15:04What does that mean to you?
15:05It means you're blocked.
15:08Fuck off, really?
15:09Yeah.
15:10Let me just show you this.
15:11Okay, I'm going to ask you to leave now.
15:12Can I show you this quickly?
15:13No, no, no.
15:14Oi.
15:14Don't say anything to anyone.
15:16I'm chill.
15:18See him here.
15:22He's not fucking chill.
15:29With Saigon, who will lead the prayer?
15:31Pasha?
15:32Okay.
15:33Well, he recites beautifully, but I think I should lead.
15:36How will you?
15:38Seated?
15:38I won't be seated.
15:39Well, let's buy.
15:39Think about it.
15:40Let someone else lead.
15:41Listen, you ass-wapes.
15:43I can run circles around you idiots.
15:44I will lead.
15:52By so desperately pursuing the role of Bond, an icon of the white establishment,
15:57Shah Latifah is exchanging his political art for vanilla distraction.
16:00And so he joins a long line of brown men who think that by becoming our oppressor, he's
16:04somehow liberating all of us.
16:05And he puts a filter on his IMDb pic to look more white.
16:19Allahu akbar, allahu akbar.
16:21La ilaha illa Allah.
16:24Allahu akbar.
16:28Hey, Shah Latif here.
16:31I was involved in an incident last night at the King's Museum that was both unfortunate
16:34and avoidable.
16:36And I'm deeply sorry.
16:37You fucking thing.
16:41Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
16:43Alhamdulillahi Rabbil Alameen.
16:44Shah Latif here.
16:45Last night at the King's Museum, I fucked up a guy running at me with a metal object
16:50and apparently I'm the one who has to apologize.
16:56Hi, Shah Latif here.
16:58Literally nothing to apologize for.
16:59Trying to save my career and my life.
17:02So fuck you and your little TikTok, you little.
17:13Hello?
17:13Hello?
17:13Hello?
17:13Hello?
17:32Hi, is this Sid?
17:36Uh, yeah.
17:37Hi.
17:38Hi.
17:38Hi.
17:38This is Shah Latif.
17:40Is it?
17:41Actually.
17:42Yeah, it is actually.
17:43Bro, I just want to say, I am so, so sorry for what happened yesterday.
17:50No excuses.
17:51No excuses.
17:51I was banging out of order.
17:54I just don't know what came over me.
17:56I really hope you can find it in your heart to please forgive me.
18:01Sure.
18:02I appreciate this, man.
18:04I really do.
18:05I was going to call my lawyers, but then the fact you called, man.
18:09Oh, bro.
18:09He's been eating me up the whole day.
18:11I can't tell you how much this means, man.
18:13Legit.
18:16Well.
18:16Do you mind just sending me what you just said?
18:19Right, in a recording.
18:21Sorry?
18:22I need the engagement, bro.
18:24Right.
18:25I mean, I guess so.
18:27Nice, man.
18:28Appreciate it.
18:29Alright.
18:29Oh, and thanks for the follow, mate.
18:30Just remember, keep the vid under 90 for the algorithm, kid.
18:35I will do.
18:36Alright.
18:36See you.
18:52What?
18:54You're right.
18:56What happened?
18:56You failed me.
18:58What?
18:58What?
18:58Why wasn't I playing on a chair already?
18:59I didn't sit down.
19:02How was you breathing?
19:03OK?
19:04You OK?
19:04Huh?
19:05Why didn't you sit down?
19:06But I know you want to be involved. What the fuck's that supposed to be? I'm doing something for yourself.
19:09Don't come at me
19:09You always fucking want to be the hero and you're never
19:15Yeah, is anyone getting any water? I'm going to get a blanket or something
19:21Are you good, bro? Oh, you good?
19:26He's a fucking diabetic and you're giving him boxes of sweets. Shabbat better. Should I just fuck off again?
19:31You better when I'm not around. That's what you're saying. No, no, he's not my dad. He's your dad.
19:34Shut you. Shut you. You know, you think you're a fucking bad man. Oh fucking. Yeah, my people is my
19:40How the fuck you're gonna help your people if you're too busy sucking white people's dicks
19:45He's just crying about last night, bro. Well, you came in to take me. You came for a free fucking
19:48meal, bro
19:48I saw you giving out your little business cards. That's some sweet little minicab driver
19:51Hey, shut up. Blow it. Blow it. He's a leech, man. He's a leech, man. He's been leeching off me
19:54my whole life.
19:54Why are you now trying to leech off this dickhead? Bro, he doesn't care about your shitty ideas. He's trying
19:58to chirp your little sister.
19:59What? Only chirping. I love her.
20:01All right, what the fuck man? Are you fucking? Are you mad? Listen, don't listen to him. He's lost the
20:06fucking plot
20:06He's been chatting to her pig's head in the freezer. What? What freezer? In the garage and he's been talking
20:09to her
20:09You thought he was talking to a pig's head? What if I have? What if I have? What if I
20:12have?
20:12Better listener than any of you lot. Well, that's what happens when you're related to you guys. I'm not the
20:16first family member to lose my mind.
20:17Hey, enough.
20:20Why are you? Why are you saying Nicole Jao to me? No, no. I'm asking. Why is he saying that
20:25to me?
20:26What did I do? What did I do? I'm trying to fucking make a difference. I'm not just sat there
20:28fucking complaining about everything.
20:30Well, you lot will judge me. Huh? Why are you fucking touching me? Don't touch me.
20:33Shh. I'm trying to change the world. All right? So anyone doesn't look at you and think you're some
20:38fucking worthless thing. Pick the baggie. Look at me. Get the fuck out of this one.
20:42I don't have a problem, my mate. She blames you for what happened to your mum, bro.
20:44Shut up!
21:09All right.
21:21Amazing. One mixed milk. Wow. One briyani.
21:30great and some oh thank you enjoy your meal let us know if you would like anything else
21:39oh my god Yasmin what the fuck what are you doing here what are you doing here
21:56oh yeah you come here every year or need don't you I totally forgot you forgot yeah yeah I'm just
22:03here I'm just picking up some food right what a coincidence actually I mean do you mind if I
22:12what's happening I just told you you're still picking up some food on the other side of London
22:16at 9 30 on Eid don't eat that I know you won't like it I think I know it's chicken
22:25not land why would you get the chicken trying new things okay yeah it'd be weird because the
22:32lambs are significant okay so you're here because of the article can we stop pretending
22:37I'm sorry what article are you being serious right now I'm sorry if I missed your what is it with
22:43an
22:43article that sounds fun tell me about you're doubling down on this right dude you know how
22:48it's like I got busy you're busy well I'm sure you're not fixated on everything that I'm doing
22:52this is a strong take I've got it for you it sounds like you think I'm like killing myself
22:57to be something that I'm not and you memorized it that's sad oh you said I'm not sad I've been
23:03having a great time I've been swapping out uh political art for vanilla destruction can you
23:07stop which is quoting my article please and it's not even about you actually oh it's not about me
23:11full disclosure Charlotte even I know one another and have spent time together socially
23:16it's not how you're going to describe our relationship but that's how you describe
23:20the relationship and you calm down these people are not your audience you're ruining their dinner
23:24and mine this is revenge porn man this is revenge porn dressed up as an identity politics in pop
23:28culture pink piece is it revenge porn if you're fucking yourself over yeah actually it is that's a
23:33subgenre of revenge porn yeah it is it doesn't matter what kind of porn it is delete that or I'll
23:39break
23:39your fucking nose with it yeah it's good and the deleted pics folder what do you think I'm fucking thick
23:44isn't that what you want and that's not a private language here you idiot
23:48dude can you still eat it if you wanted a selfie you can talk to me I'm very approachable
23:51yeah thank you dude enjoy your milkshake thank you yeah sure though what are you doing are you
23:55kidding me enjoy a little fan come on man let's take it have you been paid is she paid yes
23:59I paid
23:59what another dramatic one okay look no time out please I just want to talk excuse me after all this
24:03time
24:04can we just have a chat it's not right man it's not right
24:09what are you doing
24:10what do you see that is there a back door where's the back door I think they're here for me
24:18right
24:19anyone fine thanks I'll point it myself
24:21wait where you go
24:25sorry
24:28is there an exit
24:29hey hey hey hey go away go away do not run out not run out please
24:32come over here
24:34sorry
24:35what are you sorry can you not come by
24:39I'm not trying to be there
24:42I'm on my way out
24:44I'm on my way out
24:44I'm on my way out
24:45I'm on my way out
24:45I'm on my way out
24:45I'm on my way out
24:46I'm on my way out
24:49okay I didn't I didn't
24:50Charger stop
24:52okay okay sorry
24:54I wanted to be there all wrong
24:55I just wanted to see you
24:56that last bit wasn't my fault
24:58come on there
24:59that was crazy
25:00you're crazy
25:02me
25:03come on you knock three people out just by staring
25:05anything
25:05if you ever need a job I could do a security
25:09if you think that was fine you have some serious issues
25:12but then you know book club for wine what kind of ease is that huh
25:15how about your ease what crossing London to stalk your ex you need help
25:18no I do and you did help me and I'm grateful because it shows that you care
25:22I do care
25:23what was for a beautiful lady
25:26you know what yeah
25:27yeah I'll buy a rose
25:29I should be thanking you right
25:30no please
25:33how much a rose
25:34five feet
25:35okay let's see Steve
25:35I'll do two fifty for a
25:36if you're embarrassing yourself
25:37oh that isn't that
25:37that's not the first time I've done that for you
25:39that was it
25:41I don't need a rose from you
25:42you don't need anything from anyone
25:43no just not from you
25:44actually my life's pretty great
25:45okay this is great
25:46lend me five pounds
25:47and I'll buy you a rose
25:52you know if you knew me at all
25:55you know I hate roses
25:57I remember that I just
25:59you've got to love the gesture huh
26:01you love the gesture
26:02guys guys why don't you come in for the best curry on break lane
26:04twenty percent off for the lovely couple eh
26:06we're not a couple
26:07we used to be
26:07she met my family
26:08yeah I did actually
26:10and you know what
26:11he made me wear a jacket over my sleeveless dress
26:13the first time when I met his dad
26:14well not in a thunder way
26:15just my dad's a bit of a
26:16like a little pervy uncle way
26:18listen
26:18she was making out like I would have
26:19locked her in a cupboard if we carried on dating
26:21yeah
26:22she put all her cultural and family issues on me
26:24just because I'm brown
26:24that's racist isn't it
26:25isn't it more racist to be killing yourself
26:27to play a white neo-colonial MI6 agent
26:29but if I played him he wouldn't be white would he
26:30yeah but you would be
26:32guys I've got an idea
26:33why don't you go to my cousin's restaurant across the road
26:34I think that's better for you
26:35don't you want to hear about how he brought a date
26:37to my friends and family screening
26:38a date
26:40that was not a date
26:41she was a world colleague that I brought
26:42she was shit in your mango tree flop
26:44guessing it wasn't enough to snog her on screen
26:46good for the career to be spotted out and about with her
26:48god forbid anything
26:49apart from all that
26:50okay
26:50hadn't we broken up by then
26:51sure
26:52that night was about me
26:53okay
26:53and also taking a break isn't the same as breaking up
26:56okay
26:56so how exactly would you define how we
26:58fuck
26:59what
27:00left my bag at the restaurant
27:02okay do you
27:03you have to go back there now
27:04I have my passport in it and I'm leaving tomorrow
27:06fuck
27:06Argentina
27:07what
27:08why are you going to Argentina
27:09wait
27:11someone's taking it
27:12look my airpods are moving
27:14fuck
27:14oh shit
27:15you don't want to catch that on
27:16fuck
27:16we need a cabinet
27:17oh wait
27:18taxi
27:19oh I need to get it back
27:21that's gone
27:22can you just
27:23just let me help
27:24just trust me for once
27:27I don't know
27:28come on
27:29come on
27:30come on
27:31come on
27:32come on
27:33yeah yeah yeah
27:33seriously
27:34hey mate
27:34listen
27:35can you give us a lift
27:36yeah
27:36okay
27:37yeah
27:38how fast is this guy
27:39not that fast
27:40faster than walking though isn't it
27:41well yeah it's a bike
27:44if you annoy me
27:45I will ditch you
27:46understood
27:46you always say that
27:47but you're still here
27:47yeah well I'm leaving the country somewhere
27:49aren't I
27:49hey
27:50this is an emergency
27:51can you follow this dot
27:53yeah
27:53alright auntie
27:54I got you
27:55auntie
27:55you're definitely going to get a tip
27:56alright listen
27:57it's going to be fine
27:59what's an argentino
28:00funding came through for my doc
28:01the shit break one
28:02mm-hmm
28:03come on
28:06proud of you man
28:08I don't mean that to patronize you
28:09well it was a little bit patronizing
28:10no seriously
28:11I wish there were more talking about shit breaks
28:23your dad is more
28:25her than fond
28:28I appreciate you saying it
28:29he would have killed to have me in your family
28:32I would have liked to kill him
28:33I'd have to keep pulling him to one side
28:35like that
28:35what the fuck are you doing
28:36chill out mate
28:40how is he
28:42he's not good
28:43nah
28:44he's not um
28:46yeah he's not good
28:53I think my whole family hates me
28:55they probably do
29:06that's not
29:06shut up
29:11come on that's crazy
29:13of all the tunes
29:14that's wild
29:41is it here?
29:42somewhere around there
29:43maybe it's in the dino room there
29:44in there
29:47you know
29:48thanks
29:49yeah
29:5010% off your next ride
29:51leaving tomorrow
29:52well when you get back then
29:53not coming back
29:54what do you mean I'm coming back?
29:55doesn't matter
29:56what do you mean by that?
29:58got money, Charlie?
29:59no man
30:00nice one
30:03what do you mean you're not coming back?
30:05no
30:06it's here
30:09okay
30:09okay
30:10um
30:11yeah
30:11I think
30:12is that down there on the left?
30:13yeah
30:14hurry up
30:14it takes weeks to get a new passport
30:15don't worry we're gonna get it
30:17wait I think it is
30:19it's like
30:19it's this one here
30:25hi
30:26hi
30:27welcome to the glow up
30:2925 hand
30:30oh I'd like to pay
30:31please
30:31but I don't know my wallet or phone
30:35how's this become an expensive date for me?
30:40and here are my wallet or phone
30:42and here are your pretty bags
30:44down the corridor on the right
30:45thank you
30:46okay
30:47okay
30:48so what are we looking for exactly?
30:49uh it's a bum bag
30:50okay
30:51what kind of a bum bag
30:52just a bag
30:53neon
30:54neon
30:54pink and yellow
30:55what is this the one that I got you?
30:58yeah
30:59aww
30:59alright relax
31:00what
31:00it shouldn't be too hard to find right?
31:02it's convenient
31:02it's a useful size bag
31:04okay
31:08aww
31:08shut
31:12it might be a bit tricky
31:14oh shit
31:16I'm never gonna find my bag in here
31:18whoa aren't you forgetting something?
31:21say what?
31:22check your goodie bag mate
31:23can't let you on the dance floor like that
31:26oh with the paint
31:28alright um
31:30fuck it
31:32um I'm not really
31:33I'm shit at this
31:34sit down
31:34I'll do
31:38whoa whoa whoa whoa
31:39be nice
31:41be nice
31:42why am I not nice?
31:45as much as you want to um
31:47humiliate me
31:49remember whose passport
31:50don't rush the artist
31:51please
31:56or look into her soul
32:02why'd you get rid of the nose ring?
32:05um
32:06I don't know
32:06you look so much fitter with that nose ring man
32:09fuck you
32:10what I'm just saying
32:10took the attention away from that
32:11cold dead look in your eyes
32:14probably around the same time as you um
32:15started losing half your hair
32:16you know um
32:18getting everything to high levels of testosterone
32:20so
32:20because I'm mad you
32:21so if you need some money for a hair transplant
32:22you just let me know
32:24well fine
32:24you know I just take all my self-loathing
32:26and I rub it on my scalp every day
32:27but thanks for chopping me up on self-loathing
32:29next time I see you
32:30you're gonna have shaved your head
32:31and you're gonna tell me it's for a role
32:33or
32:34because I'm gonna have a really secret sad illness
32:36and you're gonna be so upset
32:37about all the time you spent together
32:38now that I'm dead
32:39yeah
32:39yeah
32:40death guilty
32:40yeah
32:41that's a straight up auntie move
32:42it is
32:43sorry did that trigger you
32:44sorry does that turn you on
32:46I know
32:47thank you
32:48bye
32:48bye
32:48bye
32:49bye
32:49bye
32:49bye
32:52bye
32:52bye
32:52bye
32:53bye
32:53bye
33:07bye
33:09bye
33:10Major King
33:47you having fun yeah I'm actually I'm having fun let's be looking for a bag yeah I'm looking
33:53as well all right boys looking don't worry you're not a bad either in the end not the worst
34:05what are you looking at me for I don't have it
34:26I'm going to go to the bathroom yeah
34:53you don't have the balls to eat
34:56are you fucking mad
34:57I don't have the first time I remember to lose my mind
35:23oh
35:24oh
35:25oh
35:27oh
35:31oh
35:31oh
35:31oh
35:31oh
35:31oh
35:31oh
35:31oh
35:32oh
35:32oh
35:32oh
35:32oh
35:32oh
35:32oh
35:32oh
35:33oh
35:37oh
35:37oh
35:37oh
35:37oh
35:37oh
35:37oh
35:55Hey.
35:58Hey.
35:59Hey.
36:02Go find it.
36:03Bye bye.
36:12Yeah.
36:12And I just want to say, what you've been doing, you've been halfway across the world on your
36:16own.
36:17It's amazing.
36:19You'll feel this.
36:20I've always admired that about it.
36:21Nice.
36:27Oh, where are you gonna live?
36:30Have you found a place near the offices?
36:32Okay, great.
36:33Yeah.
36:35Do you like a good neighborhood?
36:37I'm just saying a woman out there on our own.
36:39I can take care of myself.
36:41I know, I know, I know.
36:41Your Spanish is kind of shit, so you're going to need someone to...
36:44What are you doing?
36:46I'm not doing it.
36:48I'm having a little bit of a race.
36:50What?
36:52You found the bag, didn't you?
36:55No.
36:57What?
36:58Damn you did, you psycho.
37:00What are you talking about?
37:01You just said passports with a fucking S.
37:03Where are they?
37:04Where are they?
37:05Fine, fine, fine.
37:08Oliver Winthrop?
37:10Fucking Winthrop, man.
37:11And I'm the one trying to be white.
37:13No, no, leave me the bag.
37:14I'll put you in the face.
37:14Fuck off!
37:32Hey.
37:33Hey.
37:34Hey, why did you lie to me?
37:35I didn't fucking lie to you.
37:36You didn't tell me you got a boyfriend.
37:37Why do you think I'm here?
37:38You're the one that lied about the passports.
37:40Okay.
37:41Alright, then I'll be honest now.
37:42I'm not here for your fucking article, okay?
37:44I'm here for you.
37:45Look, I'm here for you.
37:47Because I miss you.
37:49I miss us.
37:51Okay?
37:53I'll admit that.
37:55Now, can you admit, if it's really all done between us, it's a little bit weird that you didn't
38:00want to tell me about your boyfriend.
38:01How long?
38:02A year.
38:02A year?
38:03That you're moving to another country tomorrow?
38:05Yeah.
38:06I mean, there's something.
38:07I got cold feet.
38:09This is a fucking big decision.
38:10Okay, so you got cold feet.
38:12Yeah, okay.
38:13But I didn't want to see him on my last night in London.
38:15I'm out here running around with you.
38:17Why is that?
38:18Hmm?
38:19But he's fucking great.
38:20He's really great and he loves me.
38:22And he's reliable and he's there for me.
38:25So, I don't know.
38:26I don't know.
38:37Do you want to know what it's like?
38:38Hmm.
38:41Doing the dirty work.
38:45Fighting everybody.
38:46Hmm.
38:46And being a nobody.
38:50I...
38:51I don't live with myself.
38:54I live with whoever they need me to be.
39:00And if I don't know who I am, it's because I feel like maybe you don't want to know.
39:07Are you acting?
39:10No.
39:11It's like lines.
39:13They are lines, but the feeling is honest.
39:18You're insane.
39:27Please don't go.
39:28What?
39:33Take care.
39:35Okay.
40:01All right.
40:16Byebii
40:17Bye.
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