- 42 minutes ago
Taskmaster AU - Season 5 Episode 3
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Short filmTranscript
00:04Where's the ball?
00:05No!
00:06Woohoo!
00:08Oh!
00:13I'm totally going.
00:16Damn!
00:22Yes!
00:23Woohoo!
00:23You're a good boy.
00:24You made me chuckle you!
00:28You're going to be like this today, are you?
00:39Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:41It's our third episode in,
00:43which means it's our special episode,
00:45Taskmaster After Dark,
00:47the adults-only edition of the show.
00:49I'm your host Tom Gleeson,
00:50and as you can see, I'm fully naked.
00:52The whole cast is naked,
00:54the audience is also naked.
00:56If you're watching this,
00:57and we've got clothes on,
00:59it's probably your TV's parental settings.
01:02So get into the menu,
01:03and have a little fiddle,
01:04because you do not want to miss these pecs,
01:07Cashman's Birthmark,
01:08or Rose Giant Donga.
01:12Competing in their birthday suits are...
01:14...Aneesa Nandela.
01:17Brett Blake.
01:19Celia Popola.
01:21Go Creasy.
01:24And Perth's very own,
01:26Rogue McManus.
01:31And next to me, as always,
01:34is the guy who once slipped a disc,
01:36playing Candy Crush,
01:37it's Tom Cashman.
01:41Tom, do you have anything prepared
01:43that could waste about 30 seconds?
01:46Do you want to hear about my dating life?
01:49Um...
01:49No.
01:50For the purposes of the show,
01:51yes.
01:53And for the purposes of one lady in the crowd just then?
01:55No.
01:58Well, you, I'm doing it anyway.
02:03Dating life hasn't been going...
02:07And that's 30 seconds.
02:12Yeah!
02:13Time's up!
02:14See how you like it!
02:15We can move on.
02:17Oh...
02:18Don't feel sorry for him,
02:19it's not gonna work.
02:20That's enough time-wasting,
02:22let's get to the prize task.
02:23Tonight,
02:23our contestants have been asked to bring in
02:25what they consider to be
02:26the most impressive item
02:28that cannot be bought anywhere online.
02:31Okay.
02:32Alright, okay, Celia,
02:33what have you got for us?
02:34I have got a selection of cakes
02:36from a country bakery
02:38that only takes cash.
02:39Oh, wow!
02:41Yes!
02:43And I have not stopped thinking
02:44about those cakes for three months,
02:45so I have sent someone from this program
02:46out to that bakery
02:47to get a box...
02:48of cakes,
02:49because I don't have cash
02:50because I'm a young person,
02:51shut up!
02:53And I'll tell you,
02:53in the moment when they were like,
02:54cash only,
02:55like, I went straight to like,
02:57what can I get for a tooth?
02:58Like, give me an English tart.
02:59How many shoes,
03:00just like bartering,
03:01I'll pay your house,
03:02what can I get?
03:03Okay,
03:04Anissa,
03:04what did you bring in?
03:05The house that I live in,
03:07the landlord refuses to fix
03:08the bathroom light,
03:10I won't say his name,
03:11Mr. Quinn,
03:12and my boyfriend 3D printed
03:15a selfie light holder,
03:16so we can have light
03:18all over the bathroom.
03:22Was it 3D printed with the pubes,
03:24or did that get added?
03:27Yeah, it was 3D printed with that,
03:29and it's horrible because
03:30we can't see without the light,
03:32but if you walk in there,
03:33it looks like we just do it for nudes.
03:37Alright, Rove, what do you got?
03:38I've got the lion's toy.
03:42What?
03:43So this is a ball that a friend of mine gave me from the zoo.
03:49It's exceptionally hard,
03:51but it looks like they have just carved through it like a knife through butter.
03:55Fascinating stuff.
03:56OK, but the...
04:05But the ball itself could totally be gotten offline.
04:08You could easily get that ball online.
04:09But not slashed up like that.
04:10But you're saying the scratching is what makes it unique.
04:12Oh, yeah.
04:13I don't think you can buy a lion easily online
04:15to attack a ball for you.
04:18Oh, I've tried.
04:20I've got a couple of cougars at my joint.
04:24That's a different species to lions.
04:26Yeah.
04:26Yeah, but the joke still works.
04:27Keep up, Tom.
04:30Alright, Joel.
04:31What have you brought in?
04:32My partner and I,
04:33we have a baby.
04:36She's a dog.
04:38Her name is Girlfriend.
04:40So we can say at the park like,
04:41Girlfriend, get over here.
04:42Or, did you just shit yourself, Girlfriend?
04:46Which I have said before to Sophie Monk at the Logies.
04:49But...
04:50But my sister had a real-life baby
04:55and I am her favourite uncle.
04:58Please welcome Charlie Rose.
05:05Because Jack and I have opted against children
05:08and decided to go with flying business class the rest of our lives.
05:13Okay.
05:14Well, it's probably a good choice for the children that you aren't going to have too
05:17because they would have been on drugs, clearly.
05:22From a very young age.
05:24Alright, Brett, what do you have?
05:26It's a one-off painting that is to scale.
05:30Yeah.
05:31And it's exactly what I look like with my shirt off.
05:39That, that package is to scale as well.
05:42So...
05:42Is that one of those genuine paintings though?
05:44Because I know how TV shows work.
05:46Often they get these things and they make props that look like paintings
05:49but they're actually printed out.
05:50No, no, no. This is a one-off painting that's in my house.
05:52So when you walk into my house, this is the first thing you see.
05:54Oh, okay. So who painted it?
05:57Who painted it?
05:57You know, it was one of the turtles that did the roof in Italy.
06:03Michelangelo.
06:05Yep.
06:05Wow.
06:06We should give away some points, I reckon.
06:08The ball, even though it's been chewed up by a lion,
06:10that's just a damaged ball that you can buy online.
06:12So one point to Rove.
06:14I'm going to give two points to Brett
06:16because I feel like that might have been printed out.
06:17I just don't trust him.
06:19I'm certainly certain that some turtles did not paint it.
06:24I'm going to give three points to Anissa
06:26because I didn't really understand what it was because I'm 50.
06:29I'm going to give four points to Celia
06:31because I love a country bakery, I live in a country town.
06:34But I'm going to give five points to Joel for his niece
06:37because I'm just worried about this self-esteem.
06:42Okay, Lisa Tom, what's the first proper task?
06:45This first one features a doghouse
06:47somewhere I'm sure the Taskmaster has never been.
06:49So I'll explain.
06:50It's another word for kennel.
06:52Oh.
07:04Tom!
07:06I'm ready!
07:09Hi, Joel.
07:11Hello.
07:11Hello, Tomothy.
07:13You look like those people who,
07:15what are they called?
07:16The ones who marry people?
07:17Husbands?
07:18No.
07:19Right.
07:19Dog food?
07:22Oh, there's a dog over there.
07:25Hey, mate!
07:28Oh, he's a rude dog.
07:30Terrifying, actually.
07:30That is really scary.
07:32I'm almost surprised how long it took me to realise
07:34your pet over there.
07:36Dog food.
07:37Nice.
07:39Call the dog over.
07:40You may not leave the dock.
07:42The dog will only come when you call out its correct four-letter name.
07:45You have 100 guesses.
07:47Fewest guesses wins.
07:49Your time starts now.
07:50I don't think there's a dog here.
07:52Do you have a dog?
07:53I do.
07:54Her name's Girlfriend.
07:55So me and Jack can be like,
07:57get over here, girlfriend.
07:58Oh, right.
07:59Do you shit yourself, girlfriend?
08:00Have you ever done that at the park?
08:02Shit myself.
08:03I have at Southern Cross Station.
08:05Oh, really?
08:06I had one.
08:06I had too many acai berries.
08:08I was on a health kick.
08:14Joey, were you just repeating material?
08:18I learned from the best.
08:22Alright, who are we going to start with?
08:24One of them hasn't even seen the dog yet.
08:26It's Celia and Anissa.
08:28Oh, my gosh.
08:29I love it.
08:30Call the dog over.
08:34There's got to be a clue,
08:36because there's more than a hundred four-letter words.
08:38I'm just going to try one.
08:39Fido!
08:41Rude.
08:42I don't think there's a dog here.
08:44You don't?
08:44No.
08:45There's got to be a clue.
08:47There's...
08:47The duck!
08:49You're counting them, by the way?
08:50Yep.
08:51Okay.
08:51H-A-R-R-Y.
08:52Harry!
08:56Carl!
08:56Is there a clue?
08:57Can I open this?
08:58I'm going to try and open this.
08:59I'm just going to open this.
09:00Is this going to be a mistake?
09:02Is this going to be a stinky mistake?
09:03I've just made a stinky mistake.
09:05Please don't use that in the promo.
09:08Come here, now!
09:09Is that three guesses?
09:10No, that's...
09:11There's cum.
09:12They're all yelled.
09:13Yeah, but they're not four letters.
09:15Two of them are.
09:16Why would a dog be called cum?
09:18Did you ever have a dog?
09:19Yes.
09:20He's known as Woofer.
09:21That's five letters.
09:22Did you have a dog?
09:22Yeah.
09:23What's his name?
09:23Tilly.
09:24How'd you spell that?
09:25Not telling.
09:26Tilly!
09:26Five letters.
09:27You.
09:33Oh, shit!
09:34Hey, bro!
09:37What the hell?
09:39Am I high?
09:40No.
09:40Can you tell me your name?
09:42No.
09:43Were those all guesses?
09:44What's your name?
09:45No.
09:46Call the dog over.
09:48Call.
09:49Over.
09:51Doc.
09:52She's coming!
09:55Over.
09:57Yeah!
10:00You little ripper!
10:02There was a quick time I bloody did it!
10:05Oh my god, I can't believe his name is Doc.
10:08That's crazy.
10:09Come on!
10:09You can do it!
10:10Over!
10:10Let's go!
10:11He looks like he's just clocked off.
10:13From being a dog.
10:15He's like, f*** his family.
10:17Hey, boy!
10:18Come here, little buddy!
10:19Come on!
10:21I'm gonna hug ya!
10:23I'm gonna hug ya!
10:25Good boy!
10:26Hello!
10:27Hello!
10:29He's not into that.
10:31I didn't.
10:32Congratulations.
10:34You need to care more.
10:35Thank you!
10:36Bye!
10:45So, Anissa, what's the dog's name?
10:47Over.
10:47Did you only just learn that now?
10:49Yeah.
10:50How did you figure it out it was over?
10:52Because the first line of the task is, call the dog over.
10:56Oh!
11:00You are so smart.
11:02Hold on.
11:03You watched that, right?
11:04It took me 45 minutes to figure it out.
11:07Okay, but just to be clear, just any word that was yelled out, that was counted.
11:12If it was called out, that's a guess.
11:13How am I to know how many letters these people think are in certain words?
11:16Right.
11:16So, if they yell out Harry, which is clearly five letters, that's still counted.
11:23To you and I?
11:23Yeah, Harry with one R.
11:25Oh, is that what you thought?
11:26Oh, while we're at it, Celia, how do you spell Tilly?
11:29T-I-L-Y, tongue.
11:32Okay.
11:32Not my family.
11:34You know how I spell your name?
11:36D-I-C-K.
11:40And that's for...
11:44I've made a stinky mistake, haven't I?
11:47So, we're looking for the least number of times?
11:50Fewest guesses wins.
11:52Celia's guesses, some of them included,
11:53Can you tell me your name?
11:57Celia made a total of 27 guesses.
12:00That's really good.
12:02Anissa's guesses included here, now, Anissa, doggy and hint.
12:09Hint?
12:10And Anissa made a total of 18 guesses.
12:16Okay, it's time for a break.
12:18See you after this.
12:31Welcome back to Taskmaster, where comedians are listing all the four-letter words they know, including the rude ones like
12:37drat and darn and a**.
12:42That's right, so far we've seen Anissa and Celia try to call a dog over by correctly guessing its four
12:46-letter name.
12:47Next up, he loves puzzles and being physically restricted to a certain area, so he's surely in his element here.
12:52It's Brett Blake.
12:55I hate this one.
12:57You guys are always f***ing with me, and I think this is one of those ones that you f*** with
13:00me, and I guess like a hundred things, and you get back to the studio, and then all the dorks
13:04online are like,
13:04Oh, if you just didn't guess anything, you would have f***ing won.
13:07Mmm.
13:12I'm gonna punch that f***ing dog as well.
13:21F***ing dog food.
13:23That's what it said on the can.
13:29Yes!
13:33Stinks, dude.
13:38What are you looking at?
13:42You're an idiot.
13:43I hate this.
13:44Over!
13:50The world's shittest dog.
13:53Come on, champ.
13:55Grab a feed, you little grub.
13:58It's over.
13:59No, that's over.
14:08Brett, thank you for referring to the dorks online.
14:11You're welcome.
14:12Yeah, or as I prefer to call them, our valued fan base who gave you this job.
14:17I still feel they'll be watching going, oh, he mentioned me.
14:22So, why were you so angry about doing well?
14:25I'll be honest with you, I think I fluked that one, because I was like, well, if the dog does
14:28come over, eventually he'll be hungry, and then when I went to put the food out, then it was there.
14:33So I was pretty stoked with that.
14:34You thought what was obviously a man in a suit would eventually get hungry and eat dog food?
14:40It was annoying me so much I would have pushed his head into it at that stage.
14:44All right, so it looked like he got it in one. He didn't get it in one, though, did he?
14:48No, Brett yelled out, what's your name? So Brett got it still in four guesses.
14:54Amazing.
14:56Who have we got next, Lesser Tom?
14:58One of their first names is the answer rearranged. The other one's Liodge. It's Joel and Rode.
15:06The dog over.
15:09Over.
15:14Looks like he's coming. He's coming. Are you serious? I need this. I really need this.
15:21Here's your good boy. Here's your good boy. Here's your good boy.
15:24Hello. Hello.
15:26Oh, he talks. Do you want this?
15:29Uh, your smokes. You want it? Yeah.
15:32What? Why are there binoculars in there? Don't worry about that.
15:37Good to see you over.
15:39Thanks, Joel.
15:45Hi, Tom. Hi, Tom.
15:48Is that all you need me for?
15:50Your job is over.
15:51Thank you, Tom.
16:00So, Lesser Tom, can you explain to Brett what happened given Brett has never seen the show?
16:05That was Paul. He's the Taskmaster's assistant in the New Zealand version where, weirdly, they just call him Paul, not
16:10like Lesser Paul or Stupid Paul.
16:13And he's better looking as well. Brutal.
16:16Yeah, but they just call him Paul because he's in New Zealand Taskmaster, which is called Lesser Taskmaster.
16:25These nerds are so excited. They're like, oh, it's like the Spidey-verse.
16:32Remember Spider-Man coming home when there was just Tobey Maguire and they're all in the same room.
16:39Now, one thing I enjoyed in that was, Joel, you seemed surprised that you did well.
16:43Well, in my portfolio of tasks, that's my best one.
16:52Roe, were you disappointed you got the answer so quickly?
16:55No, no, as someone who also has a name that warrants rubbing your ass on the carpet a lot and
17:01drinking out of the toilet,
17:02I would have felt ashamed if I hadn't worked it out a bit sooner.
17:05What about your name makes you want to drink out of the toilet?
17:08Because it's very much like a, like a Rover name. It's just a nice excuse. Also to hump people's legs.
17:13Bark at strangers. Bark at strangers.
17:15What are you doing with the males? What are you doing with the males?
17:18I get very little mail.
17:23So, did they both get it on the first go?
17:25They did. One guess, one guess.
17:28So that means Celia gets one point, Anissa gets two, Brett gets three and Joel and Roe both get five
17:33points apiece.
17:35What does that do to the episode overall?
17:37Roe is on six but Joel's out in front with ten points.
17:41APPLAUSE
17:44OK, competition is heating up. More soon after the break.
17:48APPLAUSE
18:00Welcome back to Taskmaster. You've joined us at a very exciting time.
18:05Tom, what you got?
18:06This next task features something that's associated with our country because famous Australians do it so much.
18:11And no, I'm not talking about racism or abs.
18:13LAUGHTER
18:15MUSIC
18:25Hello.
18:26Hi, Celia.
18:27How are you?
18:28I'm OK.
18:29OK.
18:29I don't want to warn you but I just listened to a seven-minute guided meditation about creativity so I
18:33think I'm going to crush this.
18:34Wow.
18:36Ooh.
18:37Shoes.
18:44Do the most elegant shoey.
18:48Yuck.
18:49Foul.
18:49Shoey's a foul.
18:51Ugh.
18:55Have you designed this for me?
18:57You must use the first shoe you touched.
19:00I didn't touch a shoe yet.
19:01Finally.
19:02Did something wrong.
19:03Something right, I mean.
19:04Can't do it.
19:05I touched the shoes before, didn't I?
19:07Mm-hmm.
19:08Most elegant shoey wings.
19:09You have 20 minutes.
19:10Your time starts now.
19:11I think I touched the crock first.
19:13Is that correct?
19:14Mm-hmm.
19:14I've never done a shoeie.
19:15So broken.
19:16What is the most elegant shoe?
19:19I think it needs to be the longest shoeie that is possible using this bad boy.
19:25I've touched it.
19:26That's mine.
19:27I'm going to do this stiletto.
19:29Ew.
19:29I'm going with this shoe.
19:30I feel like this is a brogue.
19:32But this looks like they've got money and kids they don't speak to.
19:36The most elegant shoe.
19:37I'm not a very elegant person.
19:39I'm a very elegant person so that's not going to be hard.
19:41Like what's elegant, like, like, romantic?
19:45Ooh.
19:46Ooh.
19:47We're on a date.
19:48I've actually done a shoeie on a date before.
19:50Did a shoeie on a date?
19:51Yeah, it was really bad.
19:56I like the intellectual contrast we had between the contestants for arriving in the room.
20:01We had Celia walking in going, oh, I've listened to a seven-minute guided meditation.
20:04Then we had Rove go, shoes!
20:09Okay, Tom, who's elegant shoeie are we going to see first?
20:12First up, we've got a shoeie enthusiast and a man who hates shoes so much he actually left his Gucci
20:17thong at the set.
20:18It's Brett Blake and Joel Creasy.
20:21I'm going to pretend it's my wedding day.
20:23Oh.
20:24Yeah, because what's more elegant than a wedding?
20:26I need something to marry.
20:27I'll marry Tom.
20:29Pretend you are not there.
20:30Okay?
20:30Yeah.
20:35That rules, dude.
20:37I didn't fit into this.
20:38You really need to do some ab crunches.
20:40To be honest, you look about the same as some of the dates I've been on.
20:46I'm so happy at my wedding.
20:47I now pronounce you husband and wife.
20:52Oh, time for a little drink at my own week.
20:58I have actually been wearing the shoe for the whole task.
21:01Oh.
21:01Just for authenticity.
21:03Now, I think, like, Lady and the Tramp.
21:06Okay, keep going.
21:07Oh, I'm so happy.
21:09But I'm so elegant.
21:14I'm so happy.
21:16So I'm going to...
21:19Most romantic shoeie.
21:21And then we're going to do it together.
21:22Ready?
21:22Oh.
21:30Romance.
21:32Buongiorno.
21:37So elegant.
21:39Next.
21:47Brett, I feel like all your dates end with you stomping out going,
21:50Next.
21:51Is that how they go?
21:53Pretty much.
21:54You said earlier that you actually did a shoeie on a date.
21:57It was technically a thongie.
21:58I was in a mullet-off competition.
22:01Was it a coincidence that you did a date at a pub that just happened to be running a mullet
22:05competition?
22:06It's Perth.
22:07They're always doing a mullet competition.
22:09And I got second, which is really annoying.
22:11Who bit you?
22:12A guy who did a...
22:13He scalded a beer through a Chico roll, which is cheating.
22:18Sorry, I'm still pissed off about it.
22:20Now, Brett, I feel like you were doing your usual thing where you read the task and then you change
22:25the task in your head and you do some other task.
22:29Maybe?
22:30Yeah.
22:31Because we were looking for the most elegant shoeie and you went elegant.
22:35Romantic.
22:36Elegant.
22:37Romantic.
22:37They're all kind of the same thing.
22:40Now, Lester Tom, you were pretty violent with Joel when you were throwing the rice.
22:45I felt like there was a bit of hate behind that throw.
22:46It was confetti and my instructions were, go nuts with it.
22:50Yeah, but like, you know, like camp nuts.
22:52Like, you know, put on a show, not just like peg it at me.
22:56But I think elegant, I mean, you can't get more elegant than that.
22:59But I have to ask Joel.
23:00Yes.
23:01Is it a shoeie if you put a cup inside a shoe and then you drink out of the cup?
23:06Oh, okay.
23:09Well, you don't see anyone at the Formula One going, oh, hang on.
23:14Hey.
23:15Well, I'm so elegant, I don't go to the Formula One.
23:18So, no, I think I worked with what was there.
23:21I was allowed to use it.
23:22I think you might call that elegant thinking.
23:25Okay.
23:25I think I'd call it elegant cheating.
23:30Alright, who's shoeie are we watching next?
23:32It's Anissa Nandola.
23:33Oh.
23:42Oh.
24:08Aneesa that was amazing did you put a cup in the shoe no you did not
24:17you know those catwalks where they do the thing where they just walk like that you
24:22mean modeling yeah there it is I yeah I thought that would be really cool to channel that I
24:29think she was inspired by the nature of the shoe a stylish white sneakers what you went
24:32with all right there we go all right now's your chance to do as many shoe is as you can
24:38in the
24:38length of one ad break if you're not a huge drinker have a thongy and we'll see you soon
24:55welcome back to taskmaster we're trying to improve Australia's drinking culture by showing you how
25:00stupid people look when doing shoe is that's right and they do look stupid but they're trying to look
25:07elegant up next with a regrettably wide variety of British accents on display it's Celia and Rove
25:12oh hello I'm an old billionaire rather than spending my golden years in space or a bunker that I've built
25:21I prefer to be here at pearly grove retirement facility community and facility I say would you
25:30like to join me in this marvelous high tea we have set up why yes I'm a pinkies out please
25:39when my dear
25:40husband Ralph passed away I lost my tiny mind but rich people are allowed to be insane when I said
25:47I'd
25:48like to have a cup of tea with Ralph and they said he's passed away Mavis I said I know
25:52I'm not mad I
25:54just do things how I do them would you like cream yes please ah excellent here at pearly grove what
26:03we
26:03say is the only thing better than an early grave is pearly grove because it lets you be yourself even
26:10if
26:10you're someone who wants to drink tea out of your dead husband's shoe I miss you darling I miss you
26:19cheers cheers to you my good friend
26:23and keys out
26:46long live the king
26:50friend and old this tea is not strong enough make it again
27:01I think they were both great I think they were two great sketches worthy of skithouse
27:06wow that's a big deal that is a big deal coming from Australian fast bowler I appreciate it
27:17you know what we should we shouldn't really move on until we get a lesser Tom to do a convincing
27:20English accent I think he let the team down there a little bit for you rove I didn't have warning
27:25that I was going to be involved I mean I didn't have what oh
27:34so Celia that was a great performance did you set it in a retirement village yes I'm just beside myself
27:41I'm delighted that came out better than I thought did you set it in a retirement village because you wanted
27:46to appeal to Rosehaven fans
27:50hey hey I'll have you know that our fan is 60 at best
27:56okay I've got to give out some points that's right most elegant shooey wins Joel didn't do a shooey so
28:00that's easy
28:01okay one point of choice we're over I want a divorce I'm going to give two points to Brett because
28:07it was kind of romantic not elegant
28:08it's a bit hard to split Rove and Celia but because of the commitment to the gumboot I'm going to
28:15have to give Celia three Rove four and then right at the top Anissa with five
28:25that's enough elegance what do we got next before this task I mentioned Van Gogh and Brett got excited but
28:31it's to do with painting
28:44hello oh crap what's your favorite animal oh my favorite animal is um I love
28:54I'm gonna say because I feel like you're gonna get me to draw it and I could just grab that
29:00and trace it
29:00that's a hard one I don't really like animals the one that I dislike the least probably one I could
29:05fight off like a
29:09all right paint your favorite animal far away from the canvas once paid a brush touches canvas you may
29:17not move if the taskmaster cannot correctly guess the animal that you've painted you'll be disqualified
29:24you've got to guess what it is not me what if the taskmaster aren't you the taskmaster
29:31what are you then I'm the assistant oh so the other oh Baldi's the bloody yeah all right you may
29:37not write any words on the canvas
29:39furthest distance painted from wins you have 20 minutes and your time starts
29:52now so just to be clear we've beat their chosen animals because I have to guess them that's right so
29:57I don't know what they are it also it was a weird coincidence that all of their favorite animals were
30:01racial slurs
30:04okay and also Brett just to confirm we're three episodes into the fifth season of a very successful
30:11show called taskmaster and I am the taskmaster he's the assistant taskmaster assistant
30:22all right who's painting are we going to see first with favorite animals of beep and beep it's Anissa and
30:27Joel I don't know how I'm gonna paint when I'm far away from the canvas and once the painter brush
30:32touches
30:32I can't move it's touched I was pretending brushes touch the canvas you may not move I might need to
30:40go get super soaker put them up
30:44I think that's enough water oh okay so I'm gonna draw myself I'm not kicking the but I'm just showing
30:51that if I had to I could this looks like the doesn't deserve it but I would never just hurt
30:56an animal for no reason so I'm gonna have to put it like our human arm
31:00ah so they know that the has done something to deserve this otherwise it's just up I'm gonna have a
31:08little practice run
31:10oh this is gonna work right look at that I could sell this I reckon afterwards donate the funds to
31:15a you know animal poaching charity donate it to animal poachers no an anti poaching charity
31:20I feel like you're watching me like I'm a kid whose parents got divorced and I've got problems and you're
31:26making me paint my feelings
31:27how far is that from the truth pretty close I'm feeling less confident now that I'm here
31:35ah
31:36Painters touched canvas you may not move damn it this is what I'm thinking you take the canvas over there
31:41and to make it seem like I painted it
31:43I'm gonna throw the paintbrush out the canvas so that's furthest painting okay
31:49I see don't you I can't see anything else it screams to me go go go go go stop
31:59there we go painting from a distance
32:08I'm done
32:15okay uh Anissa I feel like you were as far away as a regular painter with slightly longer arms would
32:22have
32:22been no I did an aerodynamic paint oh do you think that really long one's gonna count 100% why
32:29because it added to the painting a very integral part oh okay so when you're at someone else's place
32:35and they're cooking and they make a beautiful meal do you walk over and put parsley on top and go
32:39I cooked all of that
32:42okay I think I'm gonna have to take the original distance I mean that's where the painting was done
32:46I guess all right joe when I can explain what mine is it'll move you to tears I you know
32:54really
32:54challenged myself with a super soaker because I wanted to impress the taskmaster
33:02all right well I guess I have to have a guess yeah let's have a look and we'll see
33:09um okay I think I've got Anissa's because there was a lot of referencing to kicking her and you know
33:14the way that you use the word dog so I'm guessing Anissa's favorite animal is a dog
33:18and I think that Joel's favorite animal is flies
33:25can I tell you what my favorite animal is I'm going to look at it while you say it
33:29I love elephants and this is no no wait wait wait this is a drone shot of a herd of
33:37elephants
33:38running away from those evil evil poachers
33:43I feel we're avoiding the issue of what is Anissa doing to that dog in the painting
33:48my favorite type of animal is one that I don't have to be scared of your answer when I asked
33:54you
33:54what your favorite animal is did I just make something up no you said small helpless dog
34:01okay so to get back to the scoring I didn't get Joel so we don't count how far away it
34:05was it was flies
34:08it was not flies it was elephants um yeah Joel's fundraiser for the animal poaching community was done
34:13from 3.2 meters away but it doesn't count he's disqualified Anissa was painting a dog so her score
34:19of 1.1 meters will count okay that's too much fine art for my liking this is commercial television god
34:26damn it we'll see you after these ads
34:40welcome back to taskmaster you've made your way back you're here we're here where are we all going
34:47next cashman our comedians are trying to paint their favorite animal from as far away as possible
34:51if you don't recognize the animal and the painting of it
34:54then they are disqualified with favorite animals of beep beep and my personal favorite beep it's Brett
34:58Celia and Rove
35:04furthest from the canvas flagpole how heavy is that flagpole now tom as we discussed i like to have
35:11you involved what i'm going to do is i'm going to launch it like yak it real high and then
35:17you've got
35:18to like with the canvas yeah okay do you have any gaffer tape yep good go get it
35:24tape okay good boy this is i don't know this is going to work okay i mean it looks funny
35:35i wouldn't touch you with the 10 foot pole oh no i wouldn't sorry you've got so you've got to
35:40guess it at the end for the task to be complete i'm not the taskmaster oh that's right i already
35:46know what it is well he'll know what it is now because there'll be footage of it they're going to
35:49blur it okay i'm going to write on your forehead because they can't blur your face
35:56and you've got a monobrow for no reason
36:01can you pretend to be my canvas sure
36:05could we do a different color if we're doing it on my face hasn't been cancelled yet let's not start
36:09now
36:11oh dude that's gonna rinse you so bad can you get cancelled for being blue face i don't think so
36:17great okay i'm just gonna try and make a stamp and we'll see what that looks like okay does that
36:28look like to you well we've got time to test whether the slingshot works
36:44so i just want to go yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay hold on let it uh oh no that's
36:51not gonna work
36:51it's too heavy shit shit shit shit shit one minute and 50 seconds shit shit shit tom help help hold
36:57this oh do you want to have a go with this come on have a go we got time this
37:02is sick hang on
37:08ready
37:12tom i'm just gonna go for it and just believe in myself you touched canvas that's what i could feel
37:20tom yes i've regretted this already all right back to the task let's go
37:26grab that okay okay okay something yellow is getting on that canvas tom
37:46this marvelous creature so majestic how much time have i got left 49 seconds 49 yeah
37:54here comes
38:04not bad
38:11yes yeah it's stuck in there as well guess that tom
38:30so brett we continue to see you just it seems like you just do things that you think will be
38:35fun whether it relates to the task or not no one is telling me off and i'm just having so
38:41much fun
38:43i i was trying to use the animal as like a stamp was my idea okay but you kept on
38:48practicing like with
38:49balls and all the things that weren't the actual object that you wanted to use and then at the last
38:53second you just threw it and it went in yeah nailed it
39:01now celia you're a bit on the same track you were making a stamp yep i thought i was genius
39:06thinking of
39:07the flagpole and it wasn't that heavy and then putting the pool noodle on the end and then i was
39:10i was faced with a very flaccid paintbrush now rove you went for a long pole as well but when
39:17you
39:17actually went to paint you were instantly disappointed with what you had but you persevered
39:21anyway yeah did you learn that from your years of doing live tv absolutely you're like oh i'm just
39:27going to keep going you'll get there eventually keep on trying little one all right well i need to
39:34be able to guess what the animals are that's that's the price of entry so i think we need to
39:38see your
39:38beautiful artworks come on come if you don't get that wow no clues please no clues no clues you can
39:49see what brett's is sorry i'm a good shot okay well um i'm going to accept that brett's is a
39:56collage
39:56okay collage that's not what bird it is you dickhead all right
40:06that was really good i'll take it rove you still appeal to young people
40:10there we go he's back baby he's back baby um yeah so i'm thinking brett's is a kookaburra or something
40:18that's correct felia was trying to stamp something i have to guess what this original stamp was i mean
40:24it kind of looks like a bird too but i don't really know what one i'm going to say maybe
40:28a little chicken
40:30incorrect i will cut you tom
40:35try again you want to try again i think you want to try again well it's yellow i guess oh
40:39a canary
40:39oh you you want to hurt me don't you it's a yellow a little yellow bird uh this type of
40:46bird
40:46is depicted in this way when they're fake oh also it rhymes with come on you
40:58it's a canary no yeah it's a duck but i've i've missed it i'm so sorry i know okay now
41:06rose i'm uh
41:08that's a bit tricky favorite animal to me it looks like an alligator looking to the left incorrect as
41:16well oh it's meant to be a hippopotamus oh yeah you can see it but there was no hippos to
41:22throw at
41:22the canvas well that means joel celia and rove are all disqualified but anisa somehow ends up with
41:31four points and brett takes home five points yeah in terms of the episode scores we've got celia in
41:39last place on eight points but anisa's in the lead with 14 points
41:47you're all too close to me get on the stage for the final task of the show
41:55okay who's going to read the live task brett will be reading this one this is actually my worst
42:00nightmare this is just like being at school again let's make the dyslexic kid read out loud um blow one
42:07of your beach balls into the goal you must only blow a beach ball and must never touch it deliberately
42:14you must remain behind the line fastest wins you read it perfectly
42:22take that year eight english teacher yeah i'll take the task from you brett
42:37ready set
42:44that seems dumb
42:45shit
42:48i may need another ball where's my balls please
43:05these are unblowable what is happening these aren't the eyes of me in my element
43:14the eyes of me
43:28and i'm feeling
43:30go on go
43:33yes
43:37oh
43:38Oh
43:59Guys careful
44:03Come on this
44:06Are we still on it? Yeah
44:08We're trying to blow up
44:10This is impossible
44:35I think mine's frozen
44:37You're adjusting too much
44:38You're adjusting too much
44:39You're adjusting too much
44:40You're adjusting too much
44:41Bring it bitch
44:42Come on
44:43So close
44:47Get in the basket
44:48Push it
44:50No
44:53I'm sorry
44:55I tried
44:56I've got to back up
45:05Go
45:06Go
45:06Go
45:07Go
45:08Go
45:08Go
45:08Go
45:09Go
45:09Go
45:10Go
45:13Go
45:14Go
45:24Yeah!
45:28Yeah!
45:30Yeah!
45:30I'm so sorry.
45:34Maybe we can help each other.
45:38Hey!
45:42You can still help me get my room.
45:44I'll help you.
45:45I'll come from the front ready three two one
46:03It's the bloody climax of the show what a great time to go and watch some ads
46:08Who's at the top who's at the bottom more importantly who's in the middle? We'll see you after this
46:23Welcome back to taskmaster where we surely just invented a new Olympic sport but first Lesser Tom please dish up
46:31some scores for us
46:32Well Joel was the last person still standing even though he was lying down at some point
46:36So one point to Joel two points to Anissa three to Celia four to Rove, but winning by a few
46:41minutes. It was Brett Blake
46:44I
46:44Was gonna say what are the odds a guy with a mullet knows how to use a leaf blower. I
46:49Am so dizzy, but it has been such a thrill to be on Q&A tonight. Thank you
46:54This is not Q&A people are watching
46:58Now before you announce the winner shall we look at the scores for the series overall yes, please in last
47:04place at the moment is Joel on
47:0637 points, but brett is in the lead at the moment with 51 points
47:12And who is our x3 champ brett's won the episode with
47:20Congratulations to brett head up to the stage and collect your impressive difficult to acquire things
47:28Well
47:28Well there we go, but what have we learnt Joel wanted so badly to teach us his dog's name. He
47:35told us twice
47:37Anissa wanted so badly to teach a little dog a lesson. She painted it happening
47:42And I learnt there's another taskmasters assistant out there with self-esteem so low. He's willing to dress like a
47:49dog
47:50It's the best that's goodbye from us and a final congrats to our winner brett good night
48:14This feels pointedly offensive which makes me love it
48:20How did I end up here Tom?
48:21Ah ah ah taskmaster
48:23Are you kidding me?
48:26Taskmaster
48:26It'll be fun will it?
48:28I'm on antidepressants. I'm very open about that and can I just say compliments to the chef
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