- 6 hours ago
Rivals Season 1 Episode 2 Engsub
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:17You may not lie, things we do
00:21Only it hurts to know that you're true
00:26It's easy to go down and hide
00:30Where's the world without this pride?
00:35We're gonna do real good
00:36Yeah, I gotta dress so well
00:39And on the day fourth-form pupils begin studying for their new GCSE exams,
00:48we put a group of Cotchester shopkeepers through their paces
00:51to see how much they can remember from their O-level maths
00:56Meanwhile, here at Carinium, we are buzzing with excitement for our new live show, Declan
01:04Declan's first guest will be Hollywood hellraiser Johnny Friedlander
01:09One of the cinema's brightest stars
01:11In his first interview since being the unfortunate victim of a sex tape scandal two years ago
01:17The reclusive star is on his way to Carinium Studios as we speak
01:23Can Declan O'Hara coax him out of his shell?
01:27And what about those James Bond rumours?
01:31That's Declan, live tonight at eight o'clock
01:35with his very first interview here at Carinium
01:38right after Coronation Street
01:40I'll definitely be tuning in
01:56Run!
01:57Run!
01:58Run!
01:59Run!
02:02Run!
02:02Run!
02:03Run!
02:03Run!
02:03Run!
02:04Run!
02:05Run!
02:05Run!
02:05Run!
02:06Run!
02:07Run!
02:08Run!
02:09Run!
02:12Run!
02:13Let's go.
02:50Let's go.
03:15Let's go.
03:28Let's go.
03:29Let's go.
03:36Let's go.
03:37Let's go.
03:38Let's go.
03:38Let's go.
04:06Let's go.
04:07Let's go.
04:22Let's go.
04:25Let's go.
04:34Let's go.
05:01Let's go.
05:24Let's go.
05:51Let's go.
05:54Let's go.
06:24Let's go.
06:28Let's go.
06:30Let's go.
06:35Let's go.
06:37Let's go.
06:39Let's go.
06:42Let's go.
06:44Let's go.
06:45Let's go.
07:07Let's go.
07:10Let's go.
07:12Let's go.
07:18Let's go.
07:35Let's go.
07:38Let's go.
07:55Let's go.
07:58Let's go.
08:11Let's go.
08:28Let's go.
08:30Let's go.
08:32Let's go.
08:56Let's go.
09:11Let's go.
09:16Let's go.
09:20Let's go.
09:23Let's go.
09:25You didn't film me having sex, though.
09:55That I react by...
09:57...overdosing on candy.
09:59You're doing well, don't you think?
10:01Absolutely.
10:02Not sure about the socks.
10:05Yep.
10:09Jesus Christ, he signed off on that.
10:15And what was it like...
10:18...when you drove off that bridge?
10:21Well, uh...
10:22I woke up the second I hit the water, but man, it was scary.
10:26I mean, thank God I was in a convertible or...
10:29...I'd be at the bottom of the river now.
10:31But yeah, I had to get sober.
10:34415 days later, the world looks more beautiful than ever.
10:50Now, shall we talk about the sex tape?
10:55Why not?
10:55The elephant's in the room already.
10:57Crapping in the corner.
10:58Is the girl okay?
11:01Miss, uh... Miss Cortez?
11:04Hell, I don't know.
11:05You don't see her?
11:06Uh, not on my Christmas card list, no.
11:08But she is, uh...
11:10She's an actress, right?
11:11I don't know, uh...
11:13We met in a bar.
11:14Hope she got a lot of money into the whole thing.
11:17Is $5,000 a lot of money?
11:20According to Miss Cortez, that's how much you paid her to have sex with you
11:23and then take the tape to the National Enquirer.
11:25What?
11:27Oh, fuck.
11:29You said you were the victim.
11:31But in fact, you paid her to video herself having sex with you,
11:36as if it'd been filmed undercover,
11:38so that when she took the tape to the press, you could pretend that you'd been set up?
11:42Simultaneously getting sympathy as the victim of a honey trap
11:44while reaping a ton of publicity that made you look like a virile sex god.
11:48Yeah, she got publicity too, trust me.
11:50You sat back and let the press vilify her to the extent that all her acting work dried up.
11:55You could have stepped in and told the truth, but you didn't.
11:58The world would have believed you, but your silence demolished her.
12:03Your stock shot up overnight while Pia Cortez lost her apartment.
12:08$5,000 for a woman's reputation, is that a fair price?
12:11What reputation?
12:12She was a porn actress!
12:14I paid her to make a porno!
12:29Fuck. We've lost him. He's gonna walk out.
12:45Oh man, I'm an ass.
12:48What did you do?
12:51Tell two to hold on Johnny.
12:54Stay on Johnny.
12:55Now, move in.
12:57Slowly, slowly.
13:00Slowly.
13:01It won't get us on the BBC.
13:04Get me the sweat beating on his brow, this is the one.
13:07I'd had four flops in a row and I'm scared.
13:13It's the worst thing about Hollywood is when you're out.
13:17All you can think about is how to get back in.
13:20What a mess.
13:24The worst part is, I really like that girl.
13:31I thought she had something.
13:33What would you say to her?
13:36If she was here?
13:37Yeah, she's an L.A. man.
13:38No.
13:40She might see it.
13:41She'll never know.
13:47Okay, um, sure.
13:57Tia, if you're watching, I'm sorry.
14:03I'm an ass.
14:05We buy you a drink.
14:07Or a car.
14:10Whatever you want.
14:11I'm sorry.
14:22Man, I've been sitting on that seat for too long.
14:25Feel good to get it off your chest.
14:29God, the water here tastes good.
14:32Can I get another?
14:34Join us again after the break when I'll be asking Johnny about James Bond.
14:38Don't go away.
14:40Coming clear!
14:43Okay, stand by everyone.
14:45Three minutes.
14:46That was more stressful than I expected.
14:48Daddy always goes in for the kill.
14:51He really is a master at this, your Declan.
14:54I mean, is that erotic?
14:55Doing a video?
14:56Well, I think it is if you've made it for each other, or you watch it when they're away.
15:01All watch together.
15:02It's a warm-up.
15:04Yeah, it can be pretty hot.
15:05With the right co-star.
15:07Can't imagine James wanting to make a sex video with me.
15:10The camera puts pounds on you and he already thinks I'm fat.
15:14Well, he's bad.
15:15Yeah.
15:16You're exquisite.
15:20Sandwich? Anyone?
15:21Yeah, I'm starving.
15:23Oh my God, you made these, Dougie.
15:26Ambrosio.
15:27Please, please tell me you'll come and work for me.
15:29Caitlin, go and fetch another one of these for me, please.
15:31No, I tried working in a restaurant. It was just, er, it was too hectic.
15:35Well, you could do people's dinner parties and things.
15:38A private chef. I bet you'd get bookings.
15:41I could put a word around if you like.
15:42Caitlin!
15:43Oh, Daddy's back.
15:52Here it is. Your closet, sir.
16:05Put something against that.
16:06Do you think Johnny Freelander barricades the door?
16:12The guy, he had the most stupid walk.
16:17Can I tell you what Cubby Broccoli said when my people called up and suggested me?
16:21He said he'd sooner have James Bond played by a woman.
16:28Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Freelander!
16:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
16:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
16:51Johnny Marvellous, good job.
16:54Johnny, what did you use you to fuel that company?
16:56This is Ginger Banes.
16:57The bastard spiked Johnny's dressing room.
17:00Gave him a bottle of vodka.
17:01Oh, no, I did that.
17:02What?
17:04Why didn't you tell me?
17:06We needed your first show to be jaw-dropping television.
17:08No way was I leaving that to chance.
17:10And you didn't tell me you were gonna skewer the guy live on air.
17:13You don't think he fucks your producer, I'm not to know that.
17:15We didn't need to push him off the wagon.
17:17I didn't need help.
17:18Yeah, you didn't need a desk either, did you?
17:22Hi, this is Esther McLeod.
17:23Hi, hi. How you doing?
17:24This is Lady Gosling.
17:26Hey, how you doing?
17:27Hello.
17:28Freddie Jones.
17:28Hey, good to meet you.
17:29His lovely wife.
17:30Hey, how you doing?
17:31James Orecko.
17:32Hey, how you doing?
17:33This is the backroom boys.
17:35Hey, how you doing?
17:36Daisy.
17:36Hey, how you doing?
17:37This is Deirdre.
17:38Hey, how you doing?
17:43What's it?
17:46At least he didn't film you.
17:49He's a mug.
17:50He looked like a Charlie's angel.
17:54Thanks, Seb.
17:56Looks nice.
17:57He's very good, isn't he?
17:59Like the new jewel in Carindyus Crown.
18:02Extraordinary song.
18:03Oh, yeah.
18:04Yeah, so much character.
18:05He's a breath of fresh air.
18:07It's such a shame that you couldn't get Campbell Black onto the board.
18:11Wow.
18:12Is Freddie Jones in the back?
18:13Oh, very much so.
18:14Very much so.
18:15They're much more used to us.
18:17His expertise in technology, business, the real world.
18:21But I've got to say, Declan's got some brass.
18:24I thought Johnny was going to lamp in one.
18:26How do you keep it together?
18:27All that going on?
18:28Can I tell you a secret?
18:30That was my first time taking the show out live.
18:33Did you like it?
18:34Oh, my God.
18:35The adrenaline.
18:36Yes, I loved it.
18:37But please don't ask me any specifics.
18:39It's a blur.
18:39Met Cameron, then.
18:41You need people that can deliver under pressure, don't you?
18:44Diamonds.
18:45Couldn't agree more.
18:46That's why we're courting you for the board.
18:51You're getting the fuck of a lifetime tonight.
18:55Yeah.
19:09Isn't that crazy?
19:11And then the man started turning up at the house.
19:14I know.
19:14And he was so in love with Mummy.
19:16But then Daddy found out about it.
19:18And that wasn't funny at all.
19:19Sure.
19:21Caitlin.
19:23Anyway, that's the real reason why we moved out of London.
19:26Daddy's new job came just at the right time.
19:28I'm the slave to love.
19:30Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.
19:34Slave to love.
19:36And I can't escape.
19:39I'm the slave to love.
19:44Mrs. Thatcher tells me if I want to succeed in politics, I have to keep my nose clean.
19:48No more cunnilingus, then.
19:51Maud's got a thumping crush on you.
19:54Declan looks strong.
19:56I'd watch yourself.
19:59Darling, you know I love you to bits.
20:03You never tell me what to do.
20:30I love you to bits.
20:49I just lost it.
20:51How did I do?
20:53You were wonderful.
21:17Christ, you're wet.
21:20I've been thinking about you coming home all evening.
21:37Oh, what is it?
21:39Everything all right?
21:42Shitting awful evening, actually.
21:43Oh, I'm sorry.
21:45You should have come with me to watch a new Declan show.
21:49That was brilliant.
21:59You might be a little more supportive, Lizzie.
22:15I mean, it's only my first day at boarding school.
22:17It's not like it's momentous or anything, is it?
22:18I'm sorry I can't drive you there.
22:20You know Daddy needs the car this morning.
22:21I didn't mean you.
22:27Bye-bye, gorgeous, ugly dog.
22:34Is Mummy going to start one of her things with Rupert?
22:38I'm not going to keep her secrets again if she does.
22:43Mummy and Daddy are going to be okay.
22:45Keep an eye on them, I promise.
22:49Oh, I'm going to miss you.
22:51Now go.
22:52I'm going.
22:56Just you and me now, pups.
22:57Rabbit, jabba, jabba, jabba, jabba, jabba, jabba, jabba, jabba, jabba, jabba.
23:02Good evening.
23:04I'm Jackson O'Hara.
23:06Stop talking.
23:07Why don't you give it a rest?
23:10We'll take a look.
23:12You got more rabbit than Sons Vries.
23:14This time you got it all from shit.
23:19Now you was just the kind of girl to break my heart in.
23:22I knew right off when I first put my eyes on you
23:26But hours are to know you'd been my heroes too
23:29With your incessant token
23:31You're becoming a piss
23:34That's why we got time to his name
23:39Now you're a wonderful pill
23:43You've got a wonderful smell
23:47You've got a wonderful smell
23:49You've got a chance
23:54Get the fuck off me
23:57With your incessant token
24:01Oh my God
24:15Look at all this
24:19I was a neighbourhood dinner party
24:21Why didn't Valerie Jones invite you to hand me?
24:23I don't know mummy
24:24She did, I said we couldn't do it
24:27What? I've work to do
24:28I never get to go anywhere
24:31How can we meet anyone
24:33If you're going to turn down everything
24:34Just to prepare your stupid programme
24:36My stupid programme is all this paying the bills
24:39On this rotting pile of bricks
24:40And all you do is spend money
24:41I mean why the fuck do we own our harp?
24:44Well you want to take my music away from me
24:45It's all that I have left
24:46I have to go to work
24:47No no I'm still talking to you
24:48We can talk about a leisure
24:50Good luck tag
24:51Bye
24:52You know it's a good job that you bought a priory
24:54Because I might as well be a nun
24:57You know he's still punishing me
24:59I mean when is it going to stop?
25:06My congratulations both of you
25:0810 million viewers
25:10I want 12 mil this week
25:11I can't believe you got that story out of Mick Jagger
25:14People like telling me things
25:15Psychiatrist to the stars
25:17So who's next on the couch?
25:19Diana
25:19Doesn't do TV
25:20Arnold Schwarzenegger
25:21Jesus he couldn't even speak
25:22Joanna Lumley
25:23Rupert Campbell Black
25:25No way
25:26Celebrity
25:26Ex-Olympian
25:27A heartthrob
25:28So I'm told
25:28And now minister for sports
25:29Surely that's an extraordinary trajectory
25:31There's no hinterland
25:32If I'm to interview someone
25:33Whose politics I despise
25:35I want to worry to the opponent
25:36Could you stop swinging your dick for a moment?
25:38If you stop swinging your vagina
25:39Okay
25:40Okay
25:40Okay
25:43Declan's right
25:43Campbell Black's an arrogant brat
25:45Everything people hate about the upper classes
25:47Why do you hate him so much?
25:50Because he always gets everything he wants
25:53Joyce
25:53Rupert Campbell Black
25:55I wasn't surprised when the wife left
25:57He'll never settle
25:59Will he?
26:00Doesn't that make him an interesting interview?
26:02He's the only man in England
26:04Who can come out of a sex scandal with a promotion
26:06Minister for sport for God's sake
26:08The man plays tennis naked
26:10He's an irredeemable shit
26:11We needn't pour fertiliser on his already overgrown ego
26:16Who do you want, Declan?
26:18Thatcher
26:18Margaret Thatcher
26:20No, Charles
26:20Fucking Dennis Thatcher
26:22Look, she'll never say yes anyway
26:23She thinks I'm an irate pink
26:25Well, let's see
26:26I've donated eye-watering sums to the Tory party
26:29It's not the public who decides which way the election goes, is it?
26:35All right
26:35Stop staring at me
26:36Fuck off
26:37We've all got work to do
26:40Declan
26:40Yeah
26:41Don't go
26:41Have a proper drink
26:42After you
26:46You've got viewing figures most people would sell their granny for
26:50So, I'm just wondering
26:52Why are you still unhappy here?
26:55Are you Cameron?
26:56No
26:56No
26:58I mean, she's hard work
26:59But you're right
27:00She knows what she's doing
27:02I
27:02I just have a lot on my mind
27:04Money stuff
27:07I have an unpaid tax bill following me around
27:1080 grand
27:13London wasn't cheap
27:14Not with a wife who throws her party every time someone blows their nose
27:20All right
27:20Well
27:22Why don't I settle with the unknown revenue for you
27:25You can pay me back when you can
27:26Nobody need to know about it
27:28Just the two of us
27:29And my accountant
27:32That's very decent of you
27:34Self-interest, really
27:35You're no good to be preoccupied
27:40Well
27:41Mama
27:43Cheers
27:43To address for every situation
27:47Moving through the doorway of the nation
27:51Pick me up and shake the doubt
27:54Baby, I can't do without
27:56Don't let around
27:58You bring me down
28:00How you get about
28:02Don't make sense
28:03Move out
28:17Are you always this height?
28:18I can usually size people by looking
28:20Well, I didn't think you'd want me to serve things
28:22Well, I can't exactly do it myself, can I?
28:23And you know to go round the dinner table clockwise, don't you?
28:26Don't ping, Sharon
28:27And I need you to write the menu out
28:28One for each end of the table
28:30In French
28:30If you don't mind
28:31Hello, Taggy
28:32Nice get-up
28:33Grub smells good
28:34I'm still cross with you, Fred Fred
28:36I mean, what were you thinking?
28:37Inviting a single man
28:38I mean, what kind of a dinner party
28:39Have you ever had nine guests?
28:40Ten guests now
28:41Because I've just invited a single woman
28:42To balance the books
28:43Fred Fred, how could you?
28:45Now I'm going to have to change the whole plus-month
28:51Terrific
28:51I could help you with the menus
28:56I'm doing French for GCSE
29:05You're going to be here soon, Mrs. Makepeace
29:07Yes, Mrs. Jones
29:08Sorry, did you decide if you want the cheese first or the pavlova?
29:12Fred Fred?
29:13Cheese or dessert?
29:14Don't posh people say pudding
29:15Pudding?
29:16But dessert is French
29:18Agatha, which is it?
29:19I don't know
29:20Pudding
29:20I mean, they learn how to board in school
29:24Chin up, Matsey
29:25We've worked so hard, we can enjoy it now
29:27I mean, who'd have thought it, you and me
29:29Entertaining the Lord and the Lady
29:33Right
29:48That's a nice cosy dinner
29:50At Freddy's bum in a board seat at the end of it
29:53I've rather implied to Lady Gosling
29:54He's already said yes
29:55So we need to reel him in tonight
29:57And we might as well kiss goodbye to the franchise
29:59No, absolutely
30:00Operation Charm Offensive
30:02Well, Offensive is right
30:04We'll be forced to admire the soft furnishings
30:06Fitted carpets everywhere
30:08Well, don't let Valerie Jones get you, darling
30:11You know who she reminds you of
30:13Who?
30:14Your mother
30:16Hmm
30:28Come on
30:30You've got five minutes
30:31Yeah, well, five minutes is how long it takes to do this bloody dress-up
30:36No, right
30:39Um, you know I need you to, uh, behave yourself this evening, don't you?
30:44Uh, I want Tony to invite me onto the board at Carinium
30:47And we need to look proper
30:50Respectable
30:50Darling, is this about Rupert?
30:52It was just a silly flirtation
30:54Come on, you know I love you most of all
30:56Besides, I thought you wanted a young wife that everyone admires
30:59I do, darling
31:01I just prefer they admire you from further away
31:16So it was a considerable renovation?
31:18Yes, it was terribly pokey
31:20Three bedrooms and only the one bathroom
31:23So we had to extend
31:24But once we'd rendered over the old stonework
31:26You can't tell the joy between the old and new
31:28I thought this was a listed building
31:30Oh, it is
31:31Yeah
31:31Fred Fred has friends in high places
31:34I mean, one needs a good-sized lounge for entertaining
31:38I want to behave
31:40Living charming
31:42I think I've had this dream
31:50Valerie made me
31:51She's so short
31:54Brevity is the soul of wit
31:55And I can almost see your brevities
32:03The fact is, this is the listed building
32:06The rules
32:07To come
32:08I don't want him
32:14Oh
32:16Darling, you look ravishing
32:18Oh, James hates this
32:19But it's the only clean one I've got
32:22Hello, Valerie
32:25Evening, Stratton
32:26Listen, I think you're giving the wrong impression
32:28About the tennis game with your wife
32:30Or quite innocent
32:31Sort of thing that wouldn't bat an eyelid on the continent
32:33Good, clean, open-air fun
32:34Shake hands and play nicely, shall we?
32:45Freddy!
32:47Sound system!
32:48Sorry, love
32:49One will
32:49Look, Freddy's equipment is staggering
32:53Well
32:57I, er, I gather you spent this afternoon on the couch with my husband
33:00Yes
33:01Do you mind?
33:02No
33:02Good for you
33:04I hope you told him it was marvellous afterwards
33:09Thanks, Fred
33:10Nature abhors a vacuum
33:12Yes, so does my cleaner
33:15That's very good
33:16That's pretty good
33:17You show me this sound system
33:20I'll be back in a tick
33:23You're ahead with the host
33:25Bet you're next to him at dinner
33:32Right, I'm off to see what decorative hell Valerie's unleashed on the downstairs loom
33:37Cluecrum, darling
33:38Cluecrum
33:38Mm-hmm
33:39Did you just know
33:39I get a little help
33:41I can't believe it
33:43I can't believe it
33:45I'm going to go
33:45I'm going to go
33:46Okay, I'm going to settle
33:47I'm going to go
33:47It's a great
33:48It's a great possibility
33:49Well, I think
33:51Your expertise will be a value
33:54Of course, you're busy
33:55Well, I think you like feeling useful
33:57We'd have fun
33:58He's not trying to seduce you onto his board, is he?
34:01We're a viable, growing company with excellent prospects
34:04The financial rewards are considerable
34:06Ah, must we bring money into it
34:08Fred isn't businessmen, it's what we do
34:10You ever said no to this man?
34:12Frequently
34:13Did you enjoy the polo?
34:15Oh, you're a very bad influence
34:17I did ache for three days
34:18Freddie?
34:19Mr. Verica and Mrs. Stratton are on the television
34:22Oh, yes, do you want to see this?
34:24Yeah, okay
34:36Sarah, welcome
34:38Hi, James
34:38Absolutely
34:39There you are, Sarah
34:40Thank you
34:40Where's Sarah?
34:41You've been married to Paul Stratton
34:43MP for Cotchester for a few months now
34:46How do you see your role as the wife of an MP?
34:49To support my husband in every possible way
34:51And how do you get on with Paul's family?
34:53I mean, his children must be nearly as old as you are
34:55Oh, very good, James
34:56Gripping stuff
34:57No pressure on Paul to leave his first wife
34:59But because he eventually made that decision
35:01You know, I'm branded a scarlet woman
35:03So I've had to try even harder to prove myself a good
35:10Cute
35:27Hello, Cameron
35:28Let me get you a drink
35:30They're all glued to the local news, I'm afraid
35:31Thank you
35:32Oh, James
35:34Stop it
35:35What are you, 21?
35:37Oh, please
35:38And the rest
35:39She's a natural, isn't she?
35:41Well, it's just wonderful to see her opening up
35:42I understand that
35:44I understand that
35:44I understand that
36:06I understand that
36:07Oh!
36:09Oh!
36:11Oh!
36:16Oh!
36:29Don't last the seconds, all right?
36:31Is this not fishing?
36:33New cologne?
36:34I wear it all the time.
36:35I like it.
36:36Are you sure the lighting wasn't a bit hard?
36:38It was brilliant.
36:40What the hell are you doing here?
36:41Freddie called after you left.
36:43I couldn't say no to him, could I?
36:44Don't do anything outrageous.
36:45Stay out of my way.
36:49I clearly drew the long straw.
36:54Are we all here with you?
36:59Oh, Cavendish.
37:00We've never really had a proper chat, have we?
37:02No, we haven't, Lady Betty.
37:04Oh, Monica, please.
37:05We're all friends here.
37:14Rupert Campbell Black.
37:18I presume, since we're the only people here with our partners,
37:21that we're being set up with each other,
37:22and just so you know, I am perfectly comfortable with them.
37:25Do you have a boyfriend?
37:28Kind of.
37:30Mm-hmm.
37:32Best kind.
37:37Sorry, I think, uh, someone's been playing with the, um...
37:41Anything all right, Valerie?
37:43Yes.
37:43Yeah.
37:44Quite, quite all right.
37:45Do you work with Cavendish, James?
37:48Hmm?
37:48Her name's Cannon.
37:49No, I promise it's not.
37:52No, Cavendish.
37:53See?
37:54James thought you were called Cameron.
37:56Yeah.
37:57It's Cameron.
37:57Yeah.
37:59But...
37:59This people always answer to Cavendish, so why didn't you say anything?
38:03Well, near my boss's wife.
38:06Well...
38:06Silly girl.
38:08There's no need...
38:09Honestly, what peculiar behaviour?
38:16Salon loose.
38:17Do you like salmon loose?
38:19Sir, what have you got?
38:21Chinged French peasant, cravat sauce.
38:25Desert, chateau.
38:26Do you think it's garnished from actual sand?
38:28Garnished with leftover peasants?
38:32Not frequently, no.
38:33Er...
38:34Not quiet, Agatha, please.
38:36Sorry.
38:36I didn't tell her.
38:37Oh, damn.
38:44Oh, damn.
38:48Fantastic.
38:49Fantastic.
38:56Ahh, taggy.
38:58I've never had those cookies, isn't it?
39:01It looks amazing.
39:03I've got two love a bit of pheasant.
39:04It looks delicious.
39:06And how'd you get on with Declan on it?
39:08Well, I'm his producer, which gives him license to be obnoxious.
39:11God knows how his wife puts up with him.
39:13Well, you could ask Taggy here. She's his daughter.
39:16Oh, God, I'm sorry.
39:19It's all sport with you, isn't it?
39:21Blood sport, mostly the chase.
39:23Oh, but if you caught something, I don't think you'd know what to do with it.
39:27She's quite the ball breaker, your new producer. Where'd you find her?
39:30Hunted her down in New York.
39:31Ah, blood sports again. You guys go to school together or something?
39:34Oh, no, no, no, no.
39:36And that's funny. Why?
39:39Because, as it happens, no, we didn't.
39:42Rupert went to Harrow.
39:44I went to grammar school.
39:46And you'll never let anyone forget it, will you?
39:48I wasn't going to say anything of the sort of you that won't let anyone forget it, Battingham.
39:54Tony was quite different as a boy.
39:57Oh.
39:58Billy Bunter, weren't you?
40:00Okay. What's grammar school and how is it different from where you went?
40:04Well, it's increasingly hard to say.
40:06Rupert's school cost a lot more, but they didn't spend any of it teaching him manners.
40:12Very good, Lady Battingham.
40:13I can't imagine you fat, Tony.
40:15Swear I got my drive to succeed.
40:17I wish Fred Fridge had a drive like that. We can't budge his girls at all.
40:21Ha!
40:22Be careful what you wish for, Valerie. It might drive him to some dangerous places.
40:28I've been meaning to say, Tony, we found a presenter for our Caring for the Elderly segment.
40:32She's a Jamaican lady living in Cotchester.
40:35A 70-year-old widow with an adult daughter, which makes her a black single mother.
40:39Box tape.
40:40I was brought up by a black single mother.
40:43Can't wait to tune in.
40:52She's so exotic, isn't she? Where's she from?
40:54America, I think.
40:56Wayne likes black girls, don't you, Wayne?
40:57What? Shut up!
40:58You've got a picture of Grace Jones when I close on. I saw it in your pants drawer.
41:02Oh, it's going so well. The pheasant was divine. Everyone's saying so.
41:07I knew you'd be wonderful at this.
41:10I'm sorry I should put you in that thing.
41:11It was me. You were at the menu's out. That's why the spelling's so bad.
41:15Oh, God. You're dyslexia.
41:19I'm so sorry. We thought we were taking the mickey out of...
41:24Someone else.
41:26Well, you cook like a dream, even if you can't spell for shit.
41:33Oh, my God.
41:36Bravo.
41:53What's your favourite thing about your job?
41:57Well...
41:57What a lovely question.
42:03Space.
42:05Up there.
42:07Most British satellites use my computers now and sometimes I look up at the night sky and I see a
42:14little star winking back at me and I think I'll make that happen and it blows my mind.
42:24Oh, my God.
42:30Oh, my God.
42:31Oh, my God.
42:32Chateau Ghetto.
42:33This looks divine.
42:38Well done, Angel.
42:53You stupid bitch, what the fuck are you doing?
42:56I'm so sorry, I'm sorry.
42:58Oops.
42:58Fetch a cloth, Agatha.
43:00Don't fetch a cloth, it's Armani.
43:02I'll pay for it.
43:03Whoa, you couldn't begin to.
43:05Needn't be a bitch about it.
43:07I'm sorry.
43:10Come on, let's go get you tidied up.
43:13Come on, come on me.
43:15Rupert, how could you?
43:21God, that is exactly the kind of crass, lecherous...
43:25I thought she'd like it.
43:26God knows her mother would have.
43:27We're not on just a buffet they'd have for you to snack on.
43:30Perhaps she's not as innocent as you think she is,
43:32and that's a very cheeky little dress.
43:34Valerie made her wear it to do the job.
43:37Not that you'd understand.
43:39With looks like hers, I wouldn't have thought a career was that important.
43:41Honestly, Rupert, this was badly done.
43:44Mm-hmm.
44:08Taki, I...
44:09Get away from me.
44:11I thought you wanted me to.
44:12Why on earth would you think that?
44:14Well, you like to watch.
44:16Thought you might be grown up enough to play, too.
44:18You're disgusting, and I want nothing to do with you.
44:24Taki, hang on.
44:25Taki, hang on.
44:29Taki, hang on.
44:31Taki, hang on.
44:34Taki, hang on.
44:40Rather traumatic end to the evening.
44:43All these sobbing women.
44:45Valerie, all right?
44:48she's chuffed to bits that you're going to dinner
44:51so thank you
44:53so
44:56this bald thing
44:59my vow
44:59she just came from here
45:02to something more cultural
45:04so why don't you send me over
45:06the business plan
45:07I'll look over it
45:09I'll give you a call on Monday
45:27last night was humiliating
45:29I don't know if I can do this anymore
45:34you and me
45:35what? why?
45:41you were at Valerie Jones dinner party
45:45yeah
45:45I gather you got pudding
45:47tipped all over you by my daughter
45:48I'll pay for the cleaning bill
45:50wouldn't Rupert do that
45:52it was him who made Taggy
45:53drop the pudding when he groped her
45:56he what?
45:57oh yeah no
45:58no
46:00there's more than a pinch on the bottom
46:02I didn't see it at the time
46:03but grope sounds right
46:04I'm sorry he fucking what?
46:07yeah
46:07he's a promiscuous libertine
46:09isn't he?
46:11fondles whoever he likes
46:15whoa whoa whoa whoa
46:16hold on
46:16wait wait
46:17that bastard
46:18Jesus when I catch him up
46:20interview him to death?
46:23you know that's an idea
46:25think about it
46:26you go over there and thump him
46:27who gets to see it
46:28one housekeeper and a gardener at best
46:31have him on the show
46:33you can flay him in front of 16 million people
46:37oh but you already said you didn't want him right?
46:39no hinterland
46:39I didn't want him either
46:40I didn't want to give him the exposure
46:41but exposing him
46:44come on
46:44that's a whole different show isn't it?
46:46that's where you destroy him
46:48and it lasts a fuck of a lot longer than a black eye
46:53revenge is a dish best served on television
47:07foxy
47:09you were so young
47:10but you are beautiful
47:11you are beautiful
47:12hard
47:15so vividly
47:18so vividly
47:18he's a whole
47:19so vividly
47:19he's a barbecue
47:23and he's aé
47:24soeneca
47:25he's aulture
47:26but very
47:26he's a
47:31We'll go to make it
47:56You
Comments