- 2 days ago
Jacqueline Montanez, formerly known as "Loca D," served 31 years in maximum-security women's prisons in Illinois and Florida.
She was originally sentenced to life in prison as a minor for double murders that she committed at age 15 for the Maniac Latin Disciples, a Chicago gang. Her sentence was later reduced to 63 years after a Supreme Court ruling on life sentences for minors was applied retroactively.
Montanez talks to Business Insider about security, dynamics between prisoners and guards, and gang relationships in women's prisons. She also reveals the details of gang violence, prison economies, pregnancy, and how prisoners navigate romantic relationships.
Since her release in 2022, Montanez has been an advocate for prison reform and has worked with several youth advocacy groups, such as Queens for Queens.
She was originally sentenced to life in prison as a minor for double murders that she committed at age 15 for the Maniac Latin Disciples, a Chicago gang. Her sentence was later reduced to 63 years after a Supreme Court ruling on life sentences for minors was applied retroactively.
Montanez talks to Business Insider about security, dynamics between prisoners and guards, and gang relationships in women's prisons. She also reveals the details of gang violence, prison economies, pregnancy, and how prisoners navigate romantic relationships.
Since her release in 2022, Montanez has been an advocate for prison reform and has worked with several youth advocacy groups, such as Queens for Queens.
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TechTranscript
00:00My name is Jacqueline Martinez, a.k.a. Loka Dee.
00:03I was convicted of a double murder in 1992, sentenced to life in prison as a juvenile.
00:07I served 31 years in prison at a maximum woman's prison in Illinois.
00:11This is how crime works.
00:15You got domestic violence in there. You got girlfriends beating on girlfriends, stabbing them.
00:19I was like, oh, I'm going to die here. I'm going to die. My mouth alone is going to get
00:22me killed.
00:28A women's max security prison is all women. Everybody serving over 20-something years
00:34for crimes, really hard crimes. Murders, drug trafficking, sexual trafficking,
00:39all types of stuff like that. 10 to 15 percent of women in prison are truly in maximum security
00:45for serious cases. My stepfather was very abusive. He was training me to be a female hit woman.
00:51Everything that he taught me and trained me to do, I used it against him. I ended up killing
00:56two of his gang members. When they gave me life in prison, they took me straight to Dwight
00:59Correctional Facility in Illinois. I was 17 years old, the youngest in prison. I remember my first
01:06day in prison. I knew nothing to expect from this place. Here I am a gang leader. I sentenced to
01:12life
01:12in prison. I just killed two people and I should be tough. Instead, the girl in me came out. The
01:19little
01:20scared to death. I was like, these people out here are going to kill me. Went to see the doctors
01:23and
01:24everybody kept looking at me. But before I was being released to go on grounds, a few of the lifers,
01:29there was three of them, and they brought me a big old bag of clothes and TVs. And I was
01:34like,
01:34oh no, these people trying to make me their girl. But they explained to me who they were and they
01:39told me
01:39that they were lifers and they gave me a knife. And they told me, prepare yourself. You're going to see
01:44a
01:45lot of things and they're going to try, they're going to try to try you. So you have to stand
01:48your
01:48ground. And I'm like, okay, okay. And I remember going to the yard and I got surrounded by a whole
01:56bunch of Latin queens. And I was like, oh, okay, here we go. It was one particular old lady there
02:02and she was standing in front of me and she was cussing me out. My reaction was to react. But
02:07one thing
02:08I knew my mother always told me, respect your elders. And second, she stated that she was the
02:12auntie of one of the men that I had killed. So I had, I just, I just lowered my head
02:17and respect.
02:17You know what I'm saying? Out of respect. And all she kept saying was, you killed my nephew.
02:21You're going to die here. And then there was a lady next to her who wasn't older and she caught
02:29herself. And I was like, oh yeah, we're going to get it. She was actually a Latin queen. Latin kings
02:33and Latin queens are the number one rivals of the maniac Latin disciples. And she had killed the
02:38maniac before. That's what she was there for. At that moment, that day, I said, okay,
02:43Loka D, you have to come out and you have to take over. There's no more Jacqueline. There's no more
02:48Jackie. Loka D had to be the one that's in prison. So I did that. I let Loka D come
02:54out and I became
02:56the most fearful person in Dwight. Loka D is my gang name. It's in English, it's crazy disciple. That's
03:03what it stands for. I had a reputation to uphold. I was a chief of the maniacs. I threw up
03:09my gang
03:09signs and she's, they started throwing up their gang signs. But when I threw up my gang signs,
03:13a lot of GD, a lot of the GDs and the maniacs and all the folks came. And then the
03:18officers came
03:18like, break it up. And they walked me out the circle. All of a sudden, I see a splash of
03:22blood
03:22come on me. I'm like, what the? Did I just get stabbed some? And I looked and it was a
03:27couple
03:28in the sides slicing each other's face. I was like, oh, I'm going to die here. I did not want
03:32to go
03:33through it. I went through the first date. I had to show that I was not fearful. And I had
03:37to show
03:38that I was not to be messed with. I did end up stabbing somebody. I did just, and the girl
03:41didn't
03:42even do nothing. When I first moved into the dorm, people were raping somebody in the closet. And I
03:46had walked by and I'm seeing her getting beat. And I was like, okay, this is the time I have
03:52to prove
03:52myself. Because if not, it's going to be me in that closet. So I went in my room, put my
03:58bags down,
03:58pulled out my shank, went down the hallway, and walked into that closet. And I snapped.
04:06I got the swing in, let go of that damn girl. What the hell's wrong with y'all? And I
04:11just got
04:11to snapping. So I ended up fighting these people. And that made a name for me. That really didn't
04:18make a name for me. I ended up going to confine me for six months. And that, everybody got to
04:23know who Logo D was. Everybody knew who Logo D was. So I wasn't to be messed with. There was
04:29times
04:29where I was tough and cute and everything during the day. And then as soon as the night came, I
04:35was
04:35crying like a baby. And I was crying for my mom. And I was asking God, please send me home.
04:41And I'm
04:42sorry. I really believe that they just wanted to hear me say sorry. And they would let me go home.
04:52I've done nothing but max. I've been in maximum women prison. They sent me all the way to Florida.
04:56So I went to a low correctional facility. I went to homestead. It was dorms. I slept with 87 women
05:02in a dorm situation. And Illinois has two-man cells. So it wasn't as much as it is in Florida.
05:10Dwight, we have fences. It was an inside fence wired. They did do security lockdowns, but not as much.
05:16Decatur was no fence at all. They were able to damn near walk their visitor to the car. But it's
05:23ironic because you had more escape attempts in Dwight than you did Decatur. We had an inmate,
05:29Cynthia Thornton, came from Decatur to work at Dwight because she used to work inside grounds. Literally
05:33escaped from Dwight, correctional facility, was gone. We was on lockdown. And I couldn't believe this lady
05:40had escaped. And she wasn't even a lifer. She was going home in less than a month. She did get
05:45caught months later. Somebody told her where she was at and she was arrested and charged with escape.
05:52And then we had another situation where we had a lifer. She went and dyed her clothes,
06:00dyed a hat and made herself look like a visitor and walked out with the visitors.
06:04So, I mean, they do have attempts though. They do have quite a few escape attempts.
06:11I think it might have crossed one time when I was in the county hospital. When I was at the
06:15county
06:15hospital and the officer had left me, we were standing right there, not shackled,
06:19not handcuffed, not nothing. And I was just standing right there too close to the front door.
06:22And it passed my mind. I was like, do you know, I'm right here in Chicago and I can just
06:30so easily go.
06:31And I kept thinking that like, what am I going to do? What should I do? What should I do?
06:36And I didn't do it because I was scared. I was like, they're going to have me on. America's
06:39Most Wanted. I'm going to be everywhere. I was like, no, no, let's just let it go. Let it go.
06:44It's okay. But a lot of people take the chances and they take it.
06:52Officers did bring in stuff. We sold for them. They would bring us drugs and or really in our
06:59country, man, they sold more pills down there. The psychotrophic meds or seizure meds in Illinois.
07:05But when I was in Florida prison, that's where the real drugs were at. It's ridiculous. The officers
07:11were bringing in super drugs. They were bringing cocaine, heroin. They were bringing anything.
07:17You were selling drugs down there for the officers. The officers were bringing cigarettes. They were
07:21bringing K2. They were bringing, that was prison. Dwight and Logan was nothing compared to Lowell.
07:28Correction for the main unit. For the prison, we can have somebody drop it off out in the parking lot.
07:33And then one of the workers will go pick it up and bring it in. So it was a lot
07:36easier. They do give
07:37estate pay. But estate pay is like $15 a month. Nothing. $15 won't get you nothing when it comes
07:45down to your personals and food. They had a family. My family stood by me. None of my gay members
07:49did.
07:50I never received not a dollar from neither one of them. But my mother did. So I was blessed as
07:55far
07:55as commissary is concerned. But for those who don't have people sending them money, people was
08:00robbing people's boxes. You'll go to school and come back and your lock boxes popped and you lost all
08:05your food. They even robbed commissaries. They was down there rehearsing for a show and popped the
08:11commissary door open and robbed the whole commissary. I worked in the kitchen. I was a house girl where
08:16you're cleaning the house area. The only job that you could really make money on was industry. They were
08:20making the men's clothes. They were making the women's clothes. You had to get approved for going
08:24there. So a lot of people wouldn't approve. You had to be something to work in there. Because not just
08:28anybody who can work there.
08:34The race dynamics in the super max prisons, well the max prisons for the women, we do tend to be
08:40the Hispanics and the blacks tend to stick together. The white girls are always the Vicks. They're the
08:46ones with the money. They're the ones that you can scare. You know what I'm saying? But don't get it
08:50twisted because I didn't got whooped by a white girl about my girlfriend. It surprised the hell out of me.
08:55So I never underestimate none of them. But they do have it to where
08:59the white girls are the lords of the institution. And the Hispanics and the black ones feel like
09:04they run that shit. Like if I want to get moved in the same dorm with my girlfriend, I can
09:08go to
09:08another inmate and pay her. Hey, help me get moved to this dorm. You know, they was calling me.
09:13My sis, back it up. You're moving. I'm like, for real? I only have to pay her $50. Like,
09:18you got these women. We run that shit.
09:20Is there violence in women's prisons and why?
09:22Right. There is violence in women's prisons. Violence is there. No matter what. They say,
09:28oh, prisons, maximum prisons in Illinois don't have violence. Yes, the hell we do. They just don't
09:35report them. This was actually maximum prison for women. And it was not, nothing like what they show
09:40on TV. The gangs in women's prison is totally different than the men's prison. The gangbanging
09:45stuff is not as tough as the guys have it. I mean, we don't gangbang as much, but they're there.
09:50They're there. We had the chief of the genies there, me, the chief of the queens. We had a lot
09:58of vice lords. We had a lot of gang members. The women's maximum prison is more about relationships.
10:04They fight about relationships. Girl on girl, you messing with my girl. That's my woman. You got
10:08domestic violence in there. You got girlfriends beating on girlfriends, cutting them up, slicing
10:13their face, stabbing them. I cut a girl up for having sex with my girlfriend. We'll take the mop.
10:18You know how you have the mop stick? It has the metal piece. We'll take that metal piece and we'll
10:23sharpen it up on the floor, on the cement outside. And that becomes a shank. I've had a toothbrush.
10:30You're shaving it up and that becomes a shank. You take the blade off the razor. You put it on
10:35the
10:35toothbrush. It becomes a shank. It's rough when it comes to that. I could say that my years at Dwight
10:42Correctional Center was the hardest, and it became my home. And I got to accept that I was going to
10:49die
10:49there. Those were going to be the same walls I see when I take my last breath.
10:58There's a lot of violence there, and it doesn't have to necessarily be gangs. The officers jumping
11:04on you, raping you. I had set my room on fire because they had an officer there that was not
11:08supposed to work there. He used to call us b-words all the time. He said, women are no good.
11:12All they're
11:12good for is to have sex and suck. He got on there and was like, you're not running nothing. I
11:18was like,
11:18oh, okay. So I tied my door down and set my room on fire. So they had to come. And
11:25I had a sock full
11:26of double D batteries. He came in and he swung and hit me dead in my eye. And when he
11:33hit me in my eye,
11:34I let loose. I got to beating him with this sock full of batteries. Another officer came and grabbed
11:42my arm. Officer McClothie, he grabbed my arm and in the process of him grabbing my arm, the sock went
11:47back
11:47and broke his jaw. But I ended up catching the case. They gave me seven and a half years for
11:52that extra,
11:53added on to my life sentence. The women ran the prisons in Illinois prison. We ran it. But in Florida
11:59prison, I couldn't, I was fearful. I didn't even want to go down and tell them who I was. I
12:04didn't
12:04want to tell them what my gang name was. Because when I saw the way that them people were being
12:09treated,
12:10you end up dead, beat, and all types of stuff. It was tough down there. I went to a local
12:16correctional facility and I was in the main unit. Actually, an inmate was paralyzed from an officer.
12:20I've watched one inmate go up to the gate to ask the officer a question. And she got tasered,
12:28maced, and slammed on the head. But we have more violence against each other. And that's sick.
12:36And that's really sick. Male officers, they try to have sex with all the inmates. They try to have sex
12:42while the staff. They don't care. They think that when we're sentenced to prison, that we become
12:47their slaves. That we become, we have to do what they say regardless. They give us a direct order
12:52and we have to do it. They just think that they're just glorified, but it can happen to them too.
12:56So it was a mixture. I was actually in the county jail. I got married to an officer. It was
13:02a little
13:03jailhouse marriage. But I got her name on my back. She got my name on her neck.
13:08She bought me a ring. A real ring. And it was like, we had a little ceremony in the library.
13:16So, I mean, you've had concessions because I was in love with this lady.
13:20So you do have concessional relationships. 2008 was a big year for the officers to lose their job.
13:26We had a big prostitution ring in Dwight. I was involved with a female officer and people were
13:30getting paid. Them inmates were getting paid food from the kitchen. Shrimps. They were having sex for
13:37extra food. And some people were having sex for food, for money. And we made the newspaper.
13:42A lot of us was in confinement. DOJ came through and they weren't playing. They did a full investigation.
13:49And a lot of officers lost their job because they were forcing inmates to have certain things.
13:55Even if it wasn't a force, it was still against the law. Because even if it was a consensual relationship,
14:00it still was against the law because I'm an inmate and I have to be protected by law.
14:03And you're an officer and you're supposed to protect me.
14:05After the prostitution ring happened in Dwight,
14:08they had to start to put video cameras up because they didn't have proof of the first thing,
14:13but they knew it was happening. So they wouldn't have no other choice but to put up cameras.
14:18So now we had cameras everywhere in the institution. We were being watched.
14:23Officers don't mess with the men prisoners like they do us. It's a totally different thing.
14:28Like they can be so aggressive with us versus the men's that's going to tear their asses up.
14:33They can do what they want to do. I just think that the men's prison is more dangerous,
14:38way more dangerous than a women's prison. Like we got incidents, but they got problems.
14:45The men's prison, when they get caught talking to an officer,
14:48you snitching and you're going to get dealt with. You do not survive.
14:52The men will take care of the other men, will beat them. Now, if you're being sent to I-8,
14:58internal affairs, and you go there a lot, you're a snitch. As time goes by,
15:02it makes me hang in with the place of the officer a lot, doing favors for them and kicking with
15:05them.
15:06They click. They click like real people. And they're able to go in there and say,
15:11move her over here or move her. They're able to do that.
15:19Well, in women's prison, you have the girlfriend on girlfriend. It is against the rules though,
15:24you're not supposed to be in a relationship. I mean, when it comes out to have the sex, sneak,
15:28put a curtain over your bed, clock the door, have her look out. You're not supposed to do it in
15:33prison,
15:33but we do. If you got caught, you're going to confinement. Confinement is the same thing as solitary.
15:37You're going down for a sexual. A sexual caries, first sexual caries, 15 days in confinement,
15:43a month's C grade, which is C grade. You can't use a phone, you can't put commissary,
15:47but you can only shop full accesses when you're A grade. So, well, definitely, if we get caught
15:53doing anything in a relationship-wise, you're going in confinement and you're getting C graded.
15:59Everybody who came through this day is like Jackie Montanese. Jackie Montanese,
16:03she's the highest Puerto Rican now, because I was the youngest and I was a fan. I was fresh
16:07meat. Everybody wanted to have sex with Jackie Montanese. And I was the type, that's how I
16:12learned. So the nurse pulled me to the side and told me, you're going to catch AIDS. That stopped me.
16:18That was it. It was over for me. I was like, oh, my whole days are over. I'm going to
16:22retire.
16:22I'm in retirement. So it was, it was hard. It was hard because like I said, you have your relationships.
16:28I had a wife on every door. You're sharing partners a lot. So that's why I thank God that I
16:33never
16:33caught nothing because I could have. You go through a heartbreak. You really go through a
16:37heartbreak. I used to think that my relationships were my sentence for committing a crime.
16:44Having life in prison was not a bother for me. I was okay with having life in prison.
16:50I was fine. Prison is not an issue. That's a world inside of another world. You still have sex.
16:55You still look good. You still wear clothes. You still wear shoes. So there was nothing I was missing
16:59out here in the free world. I think my sentence was falling in love so many times and being left
17:07in prison or being cheated on or being told you're never going home. So I don't want you. What do
17:12I
17:12want you for? It's family orientated in there. Like they, we try to find our family since we don't have
17:17our family with us. I had a prison mom. I had a prison dad. I had prison kids, aunties, uncles,
17:22the boy,
17:23girl who was being a father or uncle or brother. A lot of us were lifers. Me personally, I had
17:28my
17:28mother, love her to death, but she's the one that taught me how to be a woman. Like I said,
17:36I went,
17:36I got a car spirit at 15. So I didn't know how to be a woman. She taught me the
17:39way, like things,
17:41what to do and what not to do. But I had so many kids and so many aunties and uncles
17:47and you built it
17:49there. You built it. You build your family there and they love you for real. Like they really are your
17:57family member.
17:58To tell you what you're growing up, I've always wanted to be a police officer,
18:01but I ended up being one of the bad guys. My stepfather was very abusive.
18:05He was training me to be a female hit woman. His form of training was rape and beatings and all
18:10this other stuff. So I was kind of forced to be in the game. Stepfather was the leader of the
18:15Latin
18:15Kings. He was a white hand man of Lord Geno. He was training me to be a female hit woman.
18:22He wanted me to be so tough. I didn't have Barbies. I didn't have teddy bears. I had
18:25none of that. I had knives and guns, learned how to cook drugs. Everything that he taught me and
18:29trained me to do, I used it against him. I ended up killing two of his gang members.
18:34So my life was supposed to be for Latin Queen. I was supposed to be a Latin Queen,
18:38but I ended up being a maniac Latin disciple because I didn't want to go with my stepfather.
18:41My stepfather was a rapist. He raped me, he beat me, took me to game meetings where they beat me
18:47and
18:47raped me as well, touching. So I was being taught to hate, to really hate people, not to show no
18:54type
18:55love. So because of that, I joined their oppositional gang, which was the maniac Latin disciples.
19:00My best friend was murdered. He was murdered in my car.
19:04I believe the bully was intended for me because he was in my car.
19:07So I retaliated. I did not kill innocent people. I killed the people that killed the trigger and he
19:14was involved. So that's what led to my murders. I wish I could switch places with them. At first,
19:19I wasn't remorseful. When I got sentenced, I wasn't remorseful and everybody saw that. During the whole
19:24trial, I did not cry, not shed one tear. I tried to fight the judge. I spit on him, told
19:30the state's
19:31attorney. I was going to kill him and his family if I ever get out. I had no type of
19:34remorse, none.
19:36When I was told that I was going to get life in prison, I broke down like a child
19:40and hit the floor. My co-defendant was sentenced to death, Marilyn Malero. They've been home free,
19:46with wrongful conviction. Their conviction has been overturned. They have been acquitted of the charges
19:52because I took the weight. I regret what I did. I do. I took somebody's father, brother, son away.
20:01And that's something that I have to live with. I have nightmares. I still picture me shooting them.
20:06I still see the blood. This is something I did. So I'm sorry that people don't want me home. I'm
20:13sorry that there's a lot of people feel that I should still be in prison now. At first I did
20:16too. But now
20:18with the achievements that I'm making and the growth that I'm showing, I feel like I deserve a second
20:22chance. I can't bring them boys back. I can't. But I have to live with that for the rest of
20:29my life.
20:30I've been free four years now. Four years I've been free. And I'm telling you, I still feel it today.
20:36I've actually spoken to a cousin and a nephew. I was given a chance to apologize to them.
20:45The rest of the family does not want to have anything to do with me. And that's understandable.
20:56The pregnant women, they get a different color shirt. They give a pink top to show that they're
21:01pregnant. They do get the bottom bunk, extra meals. They get treated fine if you ask me.
21:07But they still get messed with. But it's just to let people know, yeah, that that person is pregnant.
21:10And the only time you get pregnant in prison is if you come in prison pregnant. So you're the
21:13relationship with officer or you were raped by officer. That's the only way you're getting pregnant.
21:17They'll get to get to the doctors and they'll get to have their little things. But they're more
21:21they're more taken care of than the regular admits. I mean, some people, some girls accidentally get
21:26birth in prison. Like sometimes your water back breaks. You never know when it breaks. So
21:30some girl had a baby in the toilet. You know what I'm saying? So it happens. But usually,
21:36usually they're supposed to take you out in the ambulance. They'll take you out and take you to
21:39the hospital. And you give birth to your baby. You stay there for like two days with the baby. And
21:43then
21:44you have somebody come pick up the baby. If there's nobody there to pick them up,
21:47DCFS will take over. My personal experience was I was never able to even
21:54look at mines. So I didn't experience nothing like that. I was in confinement the whole time.
22:00Actually in the mental health unit. They put me in the mental health unit where nobody can see me. But
22:07mine was really a hush hush because I didn't want to do what they wanted me to do. They wanted
22:10me to have
22:10abortion. You had some inmates too who agreed. Oh, well, if you transfer me, I'll have an abortion.
22:16A lot of them agreed with that. I wasn't. I wasn't one of them. They wanted to give me psych
22:20meds.
22:21They wanted to do everything. And when I went on a visit, they wouldn't allow my mom to take a
22:24picture.
22:25I was just in a cell, 23 and 1, and gave birth and didn't even see him. Didn't even know
22:31who he was.
22:32And it's crazy because that's one part of my incarceration that I said I would never talk about.
22:37But my son said it was okay for me to talk about. He is in my life now. Mashari is
22:41home.
22:43He knew of me, he said, when he turned 11, 12. So he looked for me. And he found me
22:49when I came home.
22:55Dwight had the most beautiful church you could ever see. Then they got the school building,
22:59which is Jay Jam Ha. We got nail tech. We got the hair salon. Get your hair perm. You get
23:03your hair
23:03straightened. Get your nails done. Get your toes done. I mean, so it's the same thing. Same thing
23:08that goes on right here. You get it done inside. Illinois, you buy perfume and nail products right
23:12off the commissary. Color pencils. I do makeup with my watercolor pencils. You buy the hair products.
23:17If you want a perm or whatever, you have to pay for that. And the nail tech is, no, they
23:21use it as your
23:21student. They use it as a model. But your hair, you do have to pay. It's all in-made base.
23:25They go to school and they get certified or people come to prison already certified.
23:31I went to school. I went to Legland College. I did get my GED after my mother passed away.
23:37I wasn't supposed to. I wasn't even allowed back in the school. I had jumped on the teacher.
23:42What did you do to the teacher initially, if you don't mind?
23:45Oh, Lord. Ms. Reed was very aggressive when it came to the inmates. Oh, you're stupid. Oh,
23:51you don't know this right. Ooh. And I was just called too many stupids. And I
23:55ended up getting in the chair and hitting her across the back. And damn near broke the lady
23:59back. So I was banned from school for the rest of my sentence. 16 years later, my mother passed
24:05away. And I went back and I said, I wanted to so bad prove to my mom that I can
24:10do this.
24:11I begged my teacher. I begged her. I said, Ms. Reed, can you please let me come back and get
24:15my GED?
24:15She said, no. She said, I cannot do that. I didn't want you to school. You did what you did
24:20to me.
24:21Ooh. I was like, please, Ms. Reed, my mama did. I got to show her. I can get it.
24:26And I remember her saying, if you graduate, I'm going to be the one to get your certificate.
24:32Now, mind you, I haven't been to school in 16 years. And I was so determined because this is what
24:36I wanted for my mom. So I didn't get my GED. I went to restaurant management, dog grooming,
24:42dog training, to compute tech. So it is a lot of vocational, but that was in Dwight. When they
24:49shut Dwight down and he went to Logan, the lifers couldn't go to school like that. The lifers were
24:53not allowed to go to school. It was only for people who had an out date. And that was the
24:59best
24:59thing about it. Cause I used to tell them, I was like, I'm not going to go hard and I'm
25:02going to get
25:02an out date. So you're not going to let me finish restaurant management because I'm a lifer.
25:08But lifers get out too. I mean, laws change every day. And I wasn't allowed to finish my restaurant
25:16management. It should be rehabilitation, but it's not. And I always considered Dwight my home.
25:23When we was getting locked down and being transferred to Lincoln, I cried like a baby.
25:29I cried so hard. I felt like I was being kicked out of my home. And it was a hard
25:36pill to swallow.
25:36When you see Law & Order and you're watching other prison movies,
25:40please don't expect to think that that's for real. No, it's not. I mean, I hate that
25:45the prison, I wish the prisons, some of the prisons were like that because I do have a niece
25:49and who's also on probation right now. Cause she got caught with a gun.
25:53I wish that she was fearful of prison, but of course she's not because she's been in prison to see
25:57me.
25:57So she's seen the hair getting done and the nails. And so she's seen this.
26:07When it changed my life is when my mom passed away. I knew that I had messed up and forgot
26:11to make it right before my mom died. I wanted to change up. I wanted to,
26:14I wanted to bury Locati. I did. I wanted to become Jacqueline.
26:20Graduated from college. And I did all that. I did all that for my mom.
26:23I decided to give up the game life because it wasn't in me no more.
26:27I never thought that I would live to see past 16. I didn't. I had my funeral arrangements
26:32ready for age 16, but here I am about to be 50 years old. I can't be a gang member
26:36or glorify
26:39what I did in my life, glorify my murders when I'm trying to help people not make the same mistakes.
26:43And then Northwestern came into my life. Northwestern Law Center, a law school,
26:49it was Bloom Legal Clinic. It was 2013 when he was trying to get me back in court.
26:53The law changed people, Miller v. Alabama, and was able to change the law saying the juveniles
26:59could no longer be sentenced to life in prison as a juvenile. They've been retroactive. So because
27:03of that, it gave me a chance to be re-sentenced. Northwestern called me and told me like,
27:07well, it's a new case out. It's a new case and it can get you home. I was like, get
27:12me home.
27:12This is my home. What you talking about? I kept arguing with them. I argued with them every time.
27:17I would say, I'm not going nowhere. This is my home. Stop doing it.
27:21I went back to county jail on March 3rd, 2015 to be re-sentenced. And the victim's family got on
27:27the stand and said, why I shouldn't be re-sentenced? And why I should be sentenced to life in prison
27:31again? And I stood there and watched them. And the pain they felt, I felt. When it was my turn
27:38to
27:38speak before I got sentenced, the victim's family all got up and left. So they weren't even there to
27:44listen to my statement. And that kind of blew me. I cried like a baby. I apologize for what I
27:49did.
27:50I agreed with them. And I told them, I'm with you. I don't agree. I shouldn't be sentenced
27:54to nothing other than life in prison. I mean, I'm agreeing with you, but I went ahead and played
28:00out for 63 years. And they ended up telling me that I had to do seven and a half more
28:04years or
28:05whatever, which it wasn't. It wasn't even that long because of the fact that when I was a lifer,
28:10I couldn't get good days. I couldn't do, I couldn't get no credit for my GED. I couldn't get credit
28:14for
28:14college classes and all that. But now that I had such three years, I was able to get all that
28:18credit.
28:19So instead of doing seven and a half years, I ended up coming home with a year and a half
28:24early.
28:24I was scared that I was going to get my out there. I was scared that I wasn't going to
28:28want to leave
28:29because all my friends and family were there. So I ended up paying $3,000 to be transferred to
28:35interstate compact to be transferred to Florida prison.
28:3780% of people at that prison had tested positive for COVID at one time.
28:41They did. They did. Florida was, I saw everybody getting sick. I watched a lot of people die behind
28:50that COVID. My bunkie died. They thought she was sleeping. She was dead. Thank God I never caught it.
28:57I thank God that me being an interstate compact, that the minute it was a breakout, they put me in
29:01confinement
29:02until I got my shots and was released. But also, I was never really, I wouldn't have contact with COVID
29:09because of that. But as I got released and after I was the only person in the institution that got
29:16my shots because my shots came from Illinois. So they turned around and I watched people literally die.
29:25Like, and I couldn't believe it. I thought the world was coming to an end.
29:34I got released in Ocala, Florida. And it was April 1st, 2022. And I remember crying and crying.
29:42I just fell on the floor. And I kept saying, why? Why am I here and not them? Why was
29:50I released
29:50and not nobody else? So it was a hard day. It was a happy and a hard day. They took
29:56me to a seafood
29:57place because I had never ate lobster or crab legs. I was like, I want to do everything I
30:01never did in my life. Everything I was told that I couldn't do, I wanted to do. So my first
30:06thing
30:06was eating seafood. And boy, was I embarrassed. So I remember them bringing these big ass crab legs
30:12and locks. I'm like, what the ****? And I didn't know that I had to take a shell out. I
30:16didn't know what
30:16I was doing. Everybody started laughing at me. I was like, what's wrong? They were like, you got
30:20the plier things right there because that's what's going to crash. I said, oh, I didn't know.
30:26But it was a bittersweet. When I first came home, I had to. I put bars in my window. I
30:31was scared.
30:32For the first year, for the first year of my freedom, I was still adjusting. I didn't want to
30:37go outside. I was scared. I didn't even use metal. I was still using plastic forks. I was adjusting.
30:44I didn't, I was still getting up thinking it was cow time. I was still in fear. I had a
30:50lot of fear
30:52that I was coming to get killed due to my case. I sent my niece to the store. She came
30:57from
30:58Chicago to visit me in Florida. And we was in the store and I didn't think about nothing of it.
31:03And I'm seeing that the machines are empty. So I'm telling my niece, we'll go grab that machine
31:07right quick so we can go ahead and pay for it. As she was trying to go there, this other
31:10lady
31:11pushed her daughter there and was like, no, I wasn't lying. I was like, okay, my bad. Okay, fine.
31:16I was like, you know, go get the other machine. So when she went to get the other machine,
31:19she pushed her same daughter to the other machine. And I said, now you being like,
31:22we ain't going to play these games no more. I was waiting to fight. I was waiting, I was waiting
31:26for her outside. My niece was like, no, ZZ, don't go back to prison. And it was like,
31:31and I had to look at her face and she was starting crying. And I was just like, oh my
31:35God,
31:35I'm not used to this. It was something new. But I felt like she was trying me. And in prison,
31:40you don't try nobody. Now you're trying me, now I got to show who I am. So I had to
31:43remember,
31:43this is not prison. Cause I was ready to whoop that girl's butt behind. I waited outside for a while.
31:49And so my niece cried away. It's like, let's just go home. Let's just go home.
31:52I spent more time in prison than I did in the free world. So I started 31 years in prison.
31:58And it'd be days that I still feel like I should be in prison. What I would tell my young
32:01green,
32:02don't give up. Second chances are around. I just recently got out and I got my own apartment.
32:10So I'm, I'm still learning and I'm still making mistakes y'all. It's not, I'm not, I'm human.
32:15I'm not no angel. I'm human. And I'm still making mistakes. I lost, I gave birth to two babies that
32:19were dead and I lost my way. So I had to find my way back. And that's why I want,
32:24I want people to
32:25know that people, we do change. We do change. We grow up. Yeah. I committed, I did commit the murders.
32:31I did do what they said I did, but I'm not who they say I am. I mentor the kids,
32:37um,
32:39just trying to help them not make the same mistakes that I made. A lot of people in prison,
32:42they say they're innocent. Everybody says they didn't do anything. Well, I'm the opposite. I'm
32:48guilty. I committed a double murder. I pulled the trigger. I watched these men die.
32:56So my goal today is I can't bring them back. May they rest in peace. I can't bring them back.
33:01And sometimes I wish I could change places with them because they have family and I didn't. So
33:07right now I, my goal in life to give back to them and to give back to society for the
33:12mistakes that
33:12I've made is I try to help these youth not make the same mistakes I made. I'm actually working with
33:17the lighthouse courage where it's independent living and they have three houses now in Chicago,
33:24Illinois, who are accepting anybody. This is like a second chance program. I'm looking at trying to
33:29get a building so that I can open up, uh, dog grooming and dog training so that the youth can
33:35come inside my building. Instead of being out there robbing people, selling drugs, getting in trouble,
33:40they can come into my building for free and learn how to do, learn how to groom a dog, learn
33:47how to
33:47basic training a dog. And dogs are very therapeutic. So that is my goal to do that. I do have
33:54a spot fund me,
33:56where I'm collecting donations so that I can be able to do that.
34:05We're actually fighting now to change some stuff in Lincoln Correctional Center and Logan Correctional
34:10Center. Logan Prison is messed up because they keep saying that you want to rehabilitate these
34:16inmates. But yeah, there's no classes to do that. Actually, the women are down there dying.
34:21They're getting sick. We're coming home and realize we're fighting cancer. I fought cancer. There's no good
34:27health right, the health system there. But a lot of things need to change. Rehabilitation is one of
34:32them. Reentry is another one. Show these people that what they are capable of coming home to and what
34:38to do with it. Because nobody taught me how to come home and do anything. So I was left with
34:43no
34:43family members and nothing. I couldn't get a job. I still can't get a job because they do a background
34:49check or apartments. They do a background check and score and a credit score. I don't know about that.
34:53But you have to get reentry. You have to give these people second chances. Or they have to,
34:59or they're going to go back to what they know to survive. So reentry is the number one thing
35:06that I would love to see in these prisons. And it starts in the prison and then it comes out
35:11here.
35:12This is my juvenile life without parole. In the back it says clemency for Jacqueline. This is a shirt that
35:18so many people wore trying to fight to get me home. They went to front of the parole boards.
35:23Northwestern Blue Clinic is amazing. I have met a lot of people inside prisons to come see me
35:28just to give me a second chance. So this shirt means a lot because there's still people inside
35:32now. There's kids still today being charged as an adult trying to get sentenced to life in prison.
35:38That's why I say my program, Future for Tomorrow's Youth, is a big issue. Because the system is really
35:45failing us, y'all. Juvenile life without parole? Can you imagine? Can you imagine your niece, your
35:52nephew, your child being at the wrong place at the wrong time? Because you don't even have to pull the
35:57trigger. My co-defendant didn't pull the trigger. Yes, she was sentenced to death penalty. My other co-defendant
36:02didn't pull the trigger. Yes, she was sentenced to 35 years in prison. It has to put a stop to
36:06it.
36:18Hi, I'm a producer on How Crime Works. If you like this video,
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