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"Weight Machine" is a classic episode from the 1940s-1950s supernatural radio drama Inner Sanctum Mysteries. The plot follows a man who discovers a penny weighing machine that prints fortune cards that always come true, with a sinister twist.
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00:11Inner Sanctum Mysteries
00:26Good evening, friends of the creaking door.
00:30This is your host to welcome you once again into the Inner Sanctum.
00:34Come in.
00:36Don't hesitate.
00:37Come right in.
00:38Once you get accustomed to our surroundings, you'll never leave.
00:42Nobody ever does.
00:45Once you're in, you're out.
00:50This is the kind of place that grips you.
00:54The kind of place where the bars hold and no holds.
00:59A bar.
01:00Come on.
01:11Ever wish you were somebody else?
01:13Somewhere else?
01:15Hmm.
01:17Well, hang on to your wishbones.
01:19We've got a horrible example of what we mean.
01:23We're in the biggest little city in the world, Reno.
01:27A fellow with a growth of beard, trousers that balloon at the knees, and a dragging walk
01:33enters a store whose sign reads,
01:35The Rialto Record Shop.
01:37Make a record of your own voice.
01:40A recording of your voice?
01:42Yeah.
01:43How much can I get on a record?
01:44There's a special long playing record.
01:46How long?
01:47Almost 20 minutes.
01:48That's it.
01:49Where do I go?
01:50This booth.
01:52This button starts the recording.
01:54You speak into the microphone.
01:55I got it.
01:55Scram.
02:01To the chief of police.
02:03Greetings.
02:04This is Happy Dolan, age 26, citizen at large, USA, occupation, drifter.
02:12I rode into your merry little berg on the wrong end of a locomotive.
02:16That was yesterday.
02:18I came here to change my luck.
02:21And I did.
02:23My luck was bad.
02:24I changed it to terrible.
02:27I almost got knocked off twice for nothing.
02:29And I got a complaint.
02:32The weighing machine at the store drugstore ought to be declared out of bounds
02:36because that's where crazy things began happening to me.
02:39I put my last copper penny in the machine just to see what not eating did to the human figure.
02:46Besides my weight, the machine stamped out a card for my penny.
02:51One of those little white cards with your fortune on it.
02:54The card read, danger, fortune, and marriage await you.
03:00Danger, fortune, and marriage.
03:04The machine had me confused with somebody else.
03:07The only thing that ever happened to me was being born.
03:12I hit the sidewalks to mooch the price of a flop.
03:15It was getting on till midnight and I had to pitch fast if I didn't want to camp outdoors.
03:20I started my pitch at a little guy with a pull-down hat and his hands tucked in his pockets.
03:27Pardon me, friend, but I'm a stranger in town.
03:29Skip this spiel.
03:30I know it backwards.
03:31Sure.
03:32What are you bucking for?
03:34A flop.
03:35Follow me.
03:36What's up?
03:37You said you wanted a flop.
03:40You coming?
03:41Look, if you just bought me four bits, I know a place.
03:43You're not going to get stubborn.
03:44I said follow me.
03:46Do I have to?
03:47Does this answer your question?
03:51Gun.
03:52You a cop?
03:53Now you're getting insulting.
03:56Start walking or you flop right where you stand.
04:03The town sure had to welcome that out.
04:06A little guy with a cannon was parading me through the countrified back streets toward a river.
04:11Turn up that rope.
04:12Now look, friend.
04:13Turn up.
04:15Sure.
04:17Okay.
04:18This is far enough.
04:20River's kind of deep at this end.
04:22Can you swim?
04:24No.
04:25That's too bad.
04:26Maybe you should have learned how.
04:29Turn around.
04:31You're...
04:32You're going to shoot me?
04:33I won't have to.
04:34I just treat you to a bath and a flop.
04:37Why?
04:38Why do I rate it?
04:40I'm kind of strangers.
04:41Here you go into dreamland.
04:51I was going down for the third time when I heard an angel's voice.
04:57Mister!
04:58Mister!
05:00Try to reach the side of the boat.
05:03Grab the sides and hold on.
05:06I can't.
05:08I'm too big.
05:10All right.
05:10I'll help you.
05:13There.
05:17I'll go to the bank.
05:18You sit bending forward.
05:21You swallowed a lot of water.
05:24A full river.
05:35We sat on the bank.
05:37Me and my guardian angel.
05:39Until I came around.
05:43You saved my life.
05:46Thanks.
05:48You're welcome.
05:49I'm happy, Dolan.
05:51You?
05:52Jesse.
05:54It's a funny time of night to be out rowing.
05:56Lucky for you.
05:58Sure.
06:00Did you just happen to be out rowing?
06:03Maybe.
06:05What's funny?
06:08I won you in a weighing machine.
06:12Did you say a weighing machine?
06:15Yes.
06:16Over at the store's drugstore.
06:18I got my weight in this card.
06:21You want to hear my fortune?
06:23Go ahead and read it to me.
06:25Cast your troubles on the waters if you want to see your future.
06:31You're my future.
06:34Happy Dolan.
06:35A stumble bum who gets slugged and tossed into the river.
06:39Throw me back in.
06:40Why don't you?
06:41Well, you sound like you're fully recovered.
06:44So long.
06:45I'll be seeing you.
06:46Hey, wait.
06:47Jesse.
06:48Wait.
06:50She was gone.
06:52I had something more to think about.
06:56I hit back toward the lighted up sections of town.
06:59And ran into brain teaser number three.
07:03Number three commenced with a wallet.
07:05A fat, cushy wallet lying in the middle of the street begging for a taker.
07:09I grabbed the wallet and started to leave fast.
07:13But not fast enough.
07:14Just a minute, my lad.
07:15Out of my way, mister.
07:16This might persuade you.
07:17What's the gun for?
07:19To reclaim my property, a wallet.
07:20I was knocked down and robbed a few minutes ago.
07:23Not by me, mister.
07:24O'Toole.
07:24Simon O'Toole.
07:25I didn't see my assailant.
07:28Have any objection to being searched?
07:30What for?
07:31To establish your innocence.
07:33Turn your pockets inside out.
07:36Look, mister O'Toole.
07:38I've got your wallet.
07:40So?
07:40But I found it on the street.
07:42Honest, I did.
07:43Here, I'll give it back.
07:45Where were you taking yourself in such a hurry?
07:48Places.
07:49Square meal first, in a room and a bath.
07:51And maybe to the casino.
07:53To try your luck?
07:55Yeah.
07:56I figured to see if a weighing machine had some of the answers I'd been trying to find.
08:02Did you say a weighing machine?
08:04Yeah.
08:06Don't tell me.
08:07You got one of those little white cards at the store, drugstore, too.
08:10But I did.
08:12A card with a prophecy of fortune.
08:13Have it right here.
08:14I'll read it to you.
08:16Any investment you make will be wonderfully successful.
08:20What are you eyeing me for?
08:23Any investment I make, it's...
08:25Hardly enough, investments are my business.
08:29Loans and investments of every kind.
08:31Any investment.
08:34You were on your way to luck, you say?
08:36That was when I had the wallet.
08:39I'll invest in you.
08:40I'll stake you.
08:42Just like that?
08:43No.
08:44A half of your future in writing.
08:48Is it at the point of a gun, or do I have a choice?
08:55Give me a town where things happen fast.
08:58And less than an hour later, I was at the Grove Casino Club.
09:01I had two grand in my pocket, and a guy named O'Toole had a signed claim check on half my
09:06future.
09:06Win, lose, or draw.
09:09Give me a town where you meet the same doll every which way you turn.
09:13There was Jesse, dressed to kill, lapping up the nightlife.
09:16Heading my way like a homing pigeon.
09:18Hello, Happy.
09:19Hello, yourself.
09:21You picked the wrong place.
09:23The management here is awfully hard on panhandle.
09:26You drift over just to needle me?
09:28No, I came over because...
09:31Because what?
09:33Because it seemed the most natural thing to do.
09:35Falling in beside you.
09:37As if we go together, huh?
09:40Do we go together?
09:41Sure.
09:42Sure we do.
09:44You see this bankroll?
09:45Happy?
09:46Where'd you get it?
09:46Legitimately.
09:47I sold 50% of me for two grand.
09:50You're talking crazy.
09:51Maybe.
09:51What are you going to do with the money?
09:53Well, that little white card said,
09:55Danger, Fortune, Marriage.
09:57I've had the danger.
09:58Now I'm here to let my dough right on fortune.
10:01And if I click there?
10:03And if you click there?
10:07Then, Marriage.
10:09According to your card, you found your future in the river.
10:13Baby, I'm it.
10:17I clicked in the casino for all the dough I could carry without staggering.
10:21The rest I took a check for.
10:23Oh, Happy, a dough so incredible.
10:25Kid, remind me to buy that weighing machine and have it gold-plated.
10:29I want it on our front lawn as a souvenir.
10:31Now what?
10:31I cut you in on the half of me I control.
10:35Want it?
10:36Yes.
10:37Yes, Happy.
10:41Great little town.
10:43Nothing ever closes.
10:44Nobody sleeps who doesn't want to.
10:45You can rent a you-drive-it car on the spur of the moment, any hour.
10:49Even the Justice of the Peace has his neon sign on until all hours
10:53to catch the marrying trade that won't wait until the sun comes up.
10:56And, uh, are you happy, Doran?
10:59I think this woman will be a lovely-witted wife.
11:01That's short.
11:02I do.
11:03Then I'll pronounce you a man and wife.
11:05That'll be $20.
11:06See ya.
11:08Let's go, Mrs. Dolan.
11:16Well, I, uh, I got a room reserved at Stambrook Hotel.
11:20Well, what do you say we drive right to it?
11:22It's a sec, huh?
11:24Yes, Happy.
11:25I'll drive.
11:26The pleasure's all yours.
11:28Hey, where do I get in?
11:30You're not getting in.
11:31I'm not.
11:32And what gives?
11:33Just stand exactly where you are.
11:35Now, wait a minute.
11:36And the next one won't go over your head.
11:39Why would you tell me what it's all about?
11:41Some other time.
11:42For now, suppose we say the bride changed her mind.
11:46So long, husband.
11:48Jesse!
11:49Jesse!
11:54Now, that's what I call hospitality to strangers.
11:57Ask a guy for four bits, and he gives you a whole river.
12:04You know, Dolan's getting more action in less time than a census taker and a hornet's nest.
12:10Danger, fortune, marriage.
12:13And the night isn't half finished yet.
12:16Nor is Dolan.
12:20Now, let's cut the rest of that record with him, shall we?
12:26I hiked back to town to look for Jesse, the bride who changed her mind.
12:31I hid every joint that was still lit up.
12:33I checked hotel registers but couldn't find a hide or hair of her.
12:38And then, on a back street, winding toward the river...
12:41Hello, Hoppy.
12:43The tool.
12:44Don't you ever sleep?
12:45I've got to watch my investments.
12:48We're in partnership.
12:49Where?
12:50I'm buying your half back right now.
12:52You made a killing tonight.
12:53Yeah.
12:54And this check endorsed over to you adds up to an even half.
12:57Check seems in order.
13:00I'll keep it.
13:01Now, give me back that paper I signed and let's say goodbye for Keats.
13:04But you're forgetting something, Hoppy.
13:07What?
13:08I bought half of your future.
13:10Your whole future, not just the proceeds, the one night's good fortune.
13:14Look, O'Toole, either you're crazy or you're a fox.
13:17What give?
13:18What have you really got up your sleeve?
13:21A mechanical object.
13:23Hey.
13:24What's there about me that brings out the gun in people?
13:28Will you take a partner's advice, Hoppy?
13:31You're not asking.
13:32You're telling.
13:33You leave town at once.
13:35There's a train out at 6 a.m.
13:37You'll go to Chicago to the address on this card.
13:4012-75 Rutgers Drive.
13:43What'll I do at 12-75 Rutgers Drive, Chicago?
13:46You'll be out of danger there.
13:48My investment in you will be secure.
13:51Why?
13:52Am I in danger here?
13:54Aren't you?
14:00I wasn't going to Chicago.
14:02I was just ducking O'Toole's gun.
14:04When the train was half a mile out, I went to the rear platform.
14:07One pull on the emergency cord and the train would make an unscheduled stop just for a happy Dolan.
14:12Get away from that emergency cord, Dolan.
14:16Yeah, hello.
14:17I didn't get your name last night.
14:20Smith.
14:21Why do you keep tailing me?
14:23For exercise?
14:25You're a hard man to kill.
14:27Why don't you give up?
14:28You had two tries.
14:29One more try.
14:32You're...
14:33You're going to kill me out here?
14:34Uh-uh.
14:35When the train goes through a tunnel.
14:39Why are you out to kill me?
14:41I told you, for the exercise.
14:44Now, freeze where you are.
14:45You make a move and I won't wait for a tunnel.
14:48Why should I freeze?
14:49What's the percentage?
14:50What if I get it now or in two minutes?
14:52Okay, if that's how you want it.
14:55That's how I want it.
14:57That ain't the fifth I'm hard to kill.
14:59Hey!
15:00We were wrestling for a gun.
15:02Rocking on our heels while it's swinging to earth to take a turn around a bend.
15:07And suddenly we were mid-air over the railing.
15:09With a shot from a cannonball falling to the track.
15:12No!
15:21I came to on the tracks six feet from an unconscious little guy who called himself Smith.
15:29I couldn't feel my back or legs.
15:32I was bleeding badly.
15:36Smith looked twice as bad as I felt.
15:40I watched his hand feel around blindly for the gun laying a foot away.
15:45He was half dead but still concentrating on business.
15:51I started crawling.
15:55I got to the gun first.
15:57I'm in charge now, Smith.
15:59You're going to knock me up.
16:01If you don't answer some questions fast.
16:03What questions?
16:04Why have you been trying to kill me?
16:05What's behind it?
16:06That's a lot of questions.
16:07I got two more.
16:09Who's Simon O'Toole?
16:10And why did a blonde named Jesse marry me and then take a powder?
16:14You figure I've got the answers.
16:16I know all three of you got the answers.
16:18You clam up and you're a dead man, Smith.
16:21Then I'm a dead man.
16:24You're not going to talk?
16:27I stood over a lot of guys in my time.
16:30Like you're standing over me now.
16:33Not one of them opened up.
16:35Ever.
16:36Go ahead and shoot.
16:39I've got to kill you, Smith.
16:42It's either you or me.
16:44You've got the gun.
16:46Yeah.
16:49I've got the gun.
16:58I killed the killer.
17:01I kept telling myself it was self-defense that I'd exterminated a rat,
17:04that somebody should pin a badge on me for doing it.
17:09It was an hour before I could bring myself to drag Smith into the woods.
17:14I left him under a clump of blueberry bushes and headed back for town
17:17to find the heartthrob I'd married.
17:23I found her in the last place I expected her to be.
17:26Right in my room at the standbrook,
17:28curled up on a sofa like someone catnapping.
17:32Jesse.
17:33Jesse.
17:37I could have saved my breath.
17:40I'd be a widower longer than I'd been a bridegroom.
17:44Jesse was stone dead.
17:52Haven't you been traveling in the wrong direction, Happy?
17:54Oh, too.
17:55How did you get in here?
17:56I came to persuade the young lady to win all her marriage to you.
17:59Quit alibying.
17:59You killed her.
18:00No.
18:01I might have.
18:03She'd remained stubborn.
18:05But someone reached her first.
18:07Smith?
18:08Uh-huh.
18:09Why did Smith kill her?
18:10Isn't death the usual fate of double crosses?
18:13She recovered you from the river after he'd thrown you in.
18:16They were partners until the young lady foolishly decided to operate on her own.
18:20What were they after with me?
18:23I suppose the time has come to talk of things.
18:27You're a missing heir.
18:30I'm a missing heir?
18:32Me?
18:35What did my old man leave me?
18:37His worn-out suspenders?
18:38No.
18:40But on Uncle Jonas of 1275 Rutgers Drive Chicago left you a quarter of a million dollar estate.
18:45My Uncle Jonas.
18:47I hardly remember him.
18:49You will.
18:50When they read the world tomorrow.
18:53You've been advertising everywhere publishing your picture for months before his death.
18:56Funny I never saw an ad.
18:58You don't read the papers.
19:00You just sleep under them on park benches.
19:02What was Smith's angle?
19:04Smith is Michael Dolan, a distant relative of yours.
19:07And an aspiring heir who wanted desperately to succeed you.
19:10That is, over your dead body.
19:14The girl's angle was obvious.
19:16Yeah.
19:17Marry me, let Smith knock me off, and be my legal widow.
19:21Yes.
19:23And, uh, my angle explains itself.
19:27Well, you cut in for half.
19:29And those weighing machine cards were just a way of getting me to play sucker.
19:32Yes.
19:34The hotel management ringing, Happy.
19:36They're curious about seeing the overnight guests who check in without baggage.
19:40They'll be barging in shortly, drawing conclusions about a drifter who murdered his new bride.
19:45You threatening me with a rap?
19:47Ask yourself, how much credibility will you have with the authorities?
19:52Better get back to that railroad station as fast as you can.
19:55We'll meet in Chicago.
19:56You still see me as an investment, huh?
19:59A guilt-edged one now.
20:01Now that I can be framed for murdering Jesse.
20:03And charged with the actual murder of Michael Dolan, alias Smith.
20:09How could you know about that?
20:11I saw Smith get on that train with you.
20:15You could only be here alive over Smith's dead body.
20:21Get going while you can.
20:22What about the corpse on the sofa?
20:24Leave the disposal of your bride to me.
20:27I've had experience in similar matters.
20:36I got going.
20:37As far as this booth here in the Rialto record shop.
20:41It's all here on the record and thanks for a lovely time, everybody.
20:45We've a great little town here, all right.
20:50Hey, you.
20:51You completed your recording?
20:53Yeah.
20:53Why don't you do me a little favor?
20:55Yes.
20:55Wrap it up and mail it to the chief of police with my compliments.
20:58Wouldn't it be better, sir, if we delivered it personally?
21:02We?
21:04I should hate to be compelled to shoot a customer.
21:08A gun.
21:09This is where I came in.
21:11You listened all the time I was making that record.
21:18Well, I'm in the cooler now.
21:21No tools in the cell right next door to me.
21:23I've been here a day and a half.
21:25Uh, Mr. Dolan, uh...
21:26Big deal for you, huh?
21:27Catching a killer?
21:27And it's good for the record business.
21:29But you're not exactly a killer.
21:31Uh, maybe you can prove to the D.A. that shooting that man, Smith, was a justifiable homicide.
21:37Justifiable.
21:39Smith's not going to like that wherever he is.
21:42Nor is he going to like another thing wherever he is.
21:46What other thing is he not going to like?
21:48His inability to claim your Uncle Jonas' fortune.
21:51You see, the will was read this morning and you were left your uncle's library in a 1928 Nash automobile.
21:58The rest of the estate went to...
22:00Don't tell me.
22:01Yes.
22:02It went to your cousin.
22:04The late Mr. Smith.
22:06And now with his death,
22:08his share reverts to, uh, charity.
22:12Charity.
22:16The late Mr. Smith, wherever he is, is going to die all over again.
22:20Of enlargement of the heart.
22:22Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
22:31It looks like Smith was his own worst enemy.
22:36He kept buzzing the wrong cousin.
22:40They tell me that when Happy Dolan turned loose in that 1928 Nash automobile Uncle Jonas left him,
22:48there's one certain town he's going to cross right off his road map.
22:52They're going too rugged there.
22:55Too much happens in record time.
23:04Well, friends, it's time once again to close that creaking door.
23:08Until next week at this same time when we'll be back with a little hunk of horror.
23:15You'll be sure to listen, won't you?
23:17Until next week then, good night.
23:23Pleasant dreams.
23:38Inner Sanctum has come to you through the worldwide facilities of the United States Armed Forces Radio and Television Service.
23:45The United States Armed Forces Radio and Television Service.
23:51We'll be sure to listen, won't you?
24:01The United States Armed Forces Radio and Television Service.
24:04Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
24:08No, no, no, no, no.
24:12We'll beaviour.
24:14The United States.
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