- 18 minutes ago
First broadcast 11th December 1970.
A couple finding their old car worthless at a scrapyard tries to abandon it in another area, only to keep seeing it again on streets that are getting closer to their home.
Terence Rigby - John Partridge
Pinkie Johnstone - Susan Partridge
Richardson Morgan - Mechanic
Denis Cleary - Scrap-dealer
Neil McCarthy - Eric
Richard Grant - TV Reporter
A couple finding their old car worthless at a scrapyard tries to abandon it in another area, only to keep seeing it again on streets that are getting closer to their home.
Terence Rigby - John Partridge
Pinkie Johnstone - Susan Partridge
Richardson Morgan - Mechanic
Denis Cleary - Scrap-dealer
Neil McCarthy - Eric
Richard Grant - TV Reporter
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:13All right, this'll do.
00:45John, the chap's waiting for you to settle with him.
00:48Why doesn't he come in? What's he waiting for?
00:51He's made good time getting here, now he's wasting it all hanging about up there.
00:55Why doesn't he come in?
00:57John, the chap's waiting.
00:58Oh, look, love, not now, please.
01:00He's got to go.
01:01Well, pay him for me, will you, love?
01:07Why doesn't he come in?
01:09How much do we owe you?
01:11Uh, let's see.
01:13Do we, uh, the, uh, six quid on the chair?
01:17Well, let's have five.
01:20Is he, uh, is anything wrong?
01:22Well, it seems a lot, just...
01:24No.
01:26Oh, oh, that, a phygeist.
01:28Are he?
01:29Never mind.
01:30Here.
01:31Bye, ma'am.
01:31Bye.
01:37He's down, after all that.
01:39I can't understand it.
01:40Five pounds?
01:41I'd do some of the housekeeping money.
01:43Oh, thanks, love.
01:43I'll square up with you.
01:45Something stops him coming.
01:48How much?
01:49Five quid.
01:50Five pounds?
01:51Well, the car's not worth that much.
01:53It'd be cheaper to go by taxi.
01:55Oh, come on.
01:56Come on.
02:13Right.
02:14Oh, there he could.
02:15Secondhand cars.
02:17Waste of money.
02:19Things cost us a fortieth year if we've had it.
02:21Now, look.
02:22Five pounds, let's get it home.
02:24Well, we'll stay here and rot for all I care.
02:28Not as if it were the first time.
02:30Ruined the whole day.
02:32It's all right for Eric.
02:34He knows about cars.
02:37We'll get somebody to drag us home.
02:39We've bought a scooter in the first place.
02:41Not listen to him.
02:43Yeah, why don't we get a scooter?
02:46Well, if I've got the camera to fetch you and all, it'll cost you at least a tenner.
02:52Oh.
02:54Ten pounds.
02:56We'll think about it.
03:07Bloody thing.
03:09It's no good to me, yet it's still costing me money.
03:11Just standing there, it's costing me money.
03:13John, don't exaggerate.
03:15I am not paying ten pounds just to get rid of this bloody thing.
03:19I'd sooner go out and dump it somewhere.
03:22That's what I'll do.
03:23I'll dump it.
03:25I'll get it going somehow, and I'll dump the blasted thing.
03:29Oh!
03:39Here, quick, John, now's your chance.
03:41Hmm?
03:42The chance to dump it, that's what you've just said.
03:46Where?
03:47Well, I don't know.
03:48Anywhere.
03:48The further away, the better.
03:49Go on.
03:52Well, I can't just take it out and leave it somewhere, can I?
03:54I mean, that wouldn't be right.
03:55That wouldn't be the right thing to do.
03:57I mean, if everybody did that, you'd have...
04:01Anyway, someone might find out.
04:02How?
04:05The, uh, they're on the plates.
04:07Oh, no one's going to bother to check on an old wreck like this.
04:09Anyway, if you're that worried, you can take the normal plates off, can't you?
04:12Yes, but, uh...
04:23Yes, but, uh...
04:37Here, look.
05:06Just tell you, you've got some tires cheap.
05:08Brand new.
05:10No.
05:12No.
05:14Gee, where is your motor, anyway?
05:17Uh, we got rid of it.
05:19Did what?
05:20I dumped it last night.
05:22Well, what'd you want to go and do that for?
05:24I could have got it going again for you?
05:27God, that was a daft thing to do.
05:29How'd you get rid of it?
05:31I told you, I dumped it.
05:33That's marvellous, isn't it?
05:34You don't want it, so you just go and dump it outside somebody's house.
05:37I didn't dump it outside someone's house.
05:40Why, was it a derelict street, then?
05:41No.
05:42Well, it must have been outside somebody's house, then.
05:44Yes, but, I mean, I didn't...
05:45Don't you start on him.
05:46It was difficult enough getting him to do it in the first place.
05:49I'd had enough of it.
05:50So you haven't got no transport now, then?
05:55We bought a scooter.
05:57You what?
05:58A scooter.
05:59Nice one.
06:00You must be joking.
06:01No, and I can drive it.
06:03Well, it's all right for you.
06:04You know all about cars.
06:05John doesn't.
06:06Whereabouts, you dump it?
06:09Oh, the other side of London somewhere.
06:11You might have told me.
06:13That motor had a perfectly good speed on it to start with.
06:16I could have done with that.
06:17Mine's had it.
06:18Whereabouts, the other side of London?
06:20Oh, Staddenham Road, Peckham.
06:22Other side of the river.
06:23Staddenham Road?
06:24What, off the I Street?
06:25The garage on the corner?
06:27Yes, somewhere like that.
06:28Oh, well, that's not far from work.
06:30I can get over there in me dinner hour and whip that speeder off.
06:33Well, don't you let anyone see you, though.
06:35Why not?
06:35Well, I don't want it traced back to me, that's all.
07:04Come on.
07:13Oh, you stupid bird.
07:15What's up with you?
07:17Now, they're having trouble with Sue again.
07:19Oh, very funny.
07:23She let him go on time.
07:24He's been fast.
07:25Bloody fast.
07:26That's not much use, is it?
07:28Not if he's going to hang about up there all day.
07:30He's about as reliable as you are.
07:32I thought she said you'd done that car in Staddenham Road.
07:34Sue said so.
07:35I didn't.
07:38Yeah, no one saw you, did they?
07:39Well, they couldn't, could they?
07:40It wasn't there.
07:41It was in Canby Street.
07:42I saw it on my way home.
07:44Waking an old bleeding dinner hour on you, I did.
07:46And I didn't get that speedo, neither.
07:48Must have been some other car.
07:51Well, how did he do?
07:54Oh, no, he's not still up there.
07:56Staddenham Road.
07:58I'm sorry, I don't understand you.
08:00You couldn't find our car.
08:01I couldn't find your car because it wasn't where you said it was, that's why.
08:05Staddenham Road, I told you.
08:06It was in Canby Street.
08:08I saw it on my way home.
08:10You're as bad as that bleeding pigeon, even though it is either.
08:16Hey, John.
08:18Hang on, dear.
08:22Hey, listen.
08:23On my way home just now, I saw your old car again.
08:26It's in a different place.
08:27Well, I told you, didn't I?
08:28No, not Staddenham Road.
08:30Look, yesterday it was in Canby Street, right?
08:33And now it's in Tomatlan Street, further over Campbellwell way.
08:39There they are.
08:54Open the bonnet.
09:06Perhaps the local kids?
09:09You locked it, though, didn't you?
09:10Well, we've been at it.
09:11Look at it.
09:12Yeah, but they'd never move it.
09:16Well, perhaps somebody got it going.
09:21Yes, I think the noise was coming from somewhere there.
09:34I think the girls who model women's clothes are all really men.
09:39I bet you wouldn't let me go to bed with one, though.
09:41Haven't you got a tiny little mind?
09:44Wouldn't be my mind you'd be worrying about.
09:46You bore me when you talk like that.
09:49Do you know that?
09:53Here, John, look.
09:54What?
09:55More men?
09:56Oh, shut up, look.
09:58It's a car.
10:00It's not ours, is it?
10:01No, Kennington.
10:02Students round, you know, to shelter.
10:06Kennington?
10:07Well, how can it be?
10:08It must be a mile from Camberwell, maybe more.
10:11How do you imagine it would get there?
10:12Fly?
10:14Spatting up with Eric.
10:15Don't you start.
10:15You'll be saying every old car you see is ours next.
10:18Yeah, now, look at it, John.
10:19No number plates.
10:19And that dent there.
10:21Now, where did we dump it?
10:23Hmm?
10:24About there.
10:26Then you said you saw it somewhere there.
10:29And according to that picture, if that is it, it's there.
10:34Yes, well, it's certainly moving around.
10:36The students must be dragging it.
10:38John, have you noticed something?
10:39Look.
10:40They're in a straight line.
10:42Hmm?
10:43Yeah, look.
10:43From there to there to there to there.
10:48What do you want about?
10:50Look at the map.
10:50It's definitely a straight line.
10:52And it's pointing at us.
10:54What, do you make it sound like a bloody torpedo?
10:57Just supposing, only just supposing, he's moving in this one direction, the same distance each time.
11:03And the next time he stops, he should be about there.
11:08Here, let's go and have a look.
11:10What?
11:11Drag along that way?
11:14Here, look at the time I'm going to be late.
11:27John, where have you been?
11:29I bet the food's ruined.
11:30It's across the river.
11:32What?
11:33It's this side.
11:36I've just seen it.
11:37Was he where we said?
11:39In that area.
11:40Just this side of the river.
11:42There.
11:45Perhaps it is a torpedo.
11:47What?
11:48Oh, oh, nothing.
11:54Well, I hate to admit it, but it does seem to be moving in this direction.
11:58This is the what?
11:59One, two, three, four.
12:01Fifth time it's moved.
12:03Well, the fifth place it's been seen in anyway.
12:07Perhaps it's running downhill.
12:09Sue?
12:10Yes?
12:11If I take him out, will you see him down?
12:13Yes, of course.
12:14So, all right, so I drove it there, but I'm sure it's in no condition to be driven now.
12:19Why are you positive?
12:20I mean, you don't know anything about cars.
12:22And what does Eric think?
12:23Never mind about what Eric thinks.
12:25I know a wreck when I see one.
12:27I'm not stupid.
12:29Well, don't shout at me.
12:30I wasn't suggesting you were stupid.
12:31Just ignorant.
12:32I'm going to check your watch, Sue.
12:33What difference does my bloody watch make?
12:35Oh, yes, yes.
12:37We could make sure.
12:38We could immobilize it.
12:39Well, I'll give him ten minutes and see what happens, right?
12:41Eric, you could go and, um, know what?
12:45What could you take out?
12:46Take out?
12:47From the car.
12:49Oh, it's not your bleeding car again, is it?
12:51Yes, it's moved again.
12:52Somebody must be driving it about.
12:53Look, you could go and take out a wire or a gear or something.
12:59That would stop it.
13:01Oh, all right.
13:03Maybe then we can concentrate on getting this bird ready.
13:06I'll get the speeder at the same time.
13:07Where is it?
13:09Right there.
13:10On the corner.
13:10By the bank.
13:12Henry, come.
13:15All right.
13:16I'll go this time and remember that's it then.
13:18Finish.
13:33Eric, it's me, John.
13:36Don't say anything.
13:38Oh, sit down.
13:40I've had enough being in here strung up like this without you going on as if I'm going to die.
13:45What do you want me to say?
13:46Kiss me, Hardy.
13:47Sit down.
13:51Well, what happened?
13:53I got clobbered, didn't I?
13:55Yes.
13:57Sue said.
14:00Well, how did it happen?
14:02Don't ask me.
14:04I goes down there like a mug, doesn't I?
14:07Gets me it stuck under the bonnet.
14:08I thought I'd take the distributor out, see?
14:11The next thing I knew is the bonnet comes down on me.
14:14Bang.
14:14I can't move.
14:15I'm trapped.
14:16But it won't move.
14:18Must have been some kids mucking about.
14:20And then some idiot, of course, goes and sends for the fire brigade, doesn't he?
14:24They've got axles, crowbars, the lot.
14:28Then the ootlet starts going off and nobody can stop it.
14:31So what with this ootlet going off right next to me ear-old and half a dozen firemen poking their
14:34crowbars, I don't hate to tell you where, it's a wonder I'm here at all.
14:41It was nasty.
14:46It took them ten minutes to get me out of there.
14:49Anybody would think that car had it in for me.
15:00Did you, um, immobilize the...
15:03Yes.
15:07Did you catch a speedo?
15:08Oh, do leave off.
15:12I thought I'd enter the pigeon in a local race sometime soon, just to see how he makes out.
15:19Good.
15:20Good.
15:21If he flies past his window here, you will explain to him why I can't wave, won't you?
15:31Hello, darling.
15:34How'd you get on?
15:35I took some books in and some fruit.
15:37What was he like?
15:38All right, a bit fed up.
15:40They're supposed to be keeping him in for shock or something, so he said.
15:43Well, I suppose it must have been a bit of a shock happening like that.
15:47He said they couldn't get him out.
15:48I can't understand that.
15:50The bonnet couldn't have been that heavy.
15:51I keep thinking of a big crocodile.
15:53Well, I didn't see any teeth marks on him.
15:55I don't make fun.
15:56Sorry.
15:57Did you tell him we looked for the car?
15:59No, I thought it best to keep off the subject.
16:01Well, they've been pleased to hear that it disappeared, so wait off everybody's mind.
16:05I wonder where it's gone.
16:07John!
16:11And now we bring you special...
16:13I see it was there.
16:14Did you see it?
16:15Well, those flats, they're not far from here.
16:19They're at the top of Linton Road.
16:21He's nearly home, John.
16:23John, what are we going to do?
16:26Well, say something.
16:27Next thing we know, it'll be outside the door.
16:30John, for goodness sake, try.
16:34Oh, shut up, will you?
16:36There's no need to get hysterical.
16:39How can I think with you going on like that?
16:42Are you sure it was those flats?
16:45Yes, Mrs. Turner used to live there.
16:47Would do something.
16:48Go and blow the car up.
16:50Set fire to eat anything.
16:52What a brilliant idea.
16:53That's all we need.
16:55Nice case of arson on top of this.
16:57Set fire to it at this time of night.
16:59They'd love that, wouldn't they?
17:00They'd only just put one fire out.
17:02A whole block would probably go up.
17:04Let me think.
17:09Oh, maybe we're getting all worked up about nothing.
17:11After all, what can it do to us?
17:13It can't hurt us, can it?
17:14Can't hurt us?
17:15What about Eric?
17:17Hmm?
17:18Well, that was an accident.
17:20You don't think...
17:23Oh, come off it.
17:24Look, now you're being ridiculous.
17:27Now let's go to bed.
17:44No, no, that was an accident.
17:47After all, what else could it be?
18:00Look!
18:02Look!
18:27Still there?
18:29Yeah, yes.
18:39Don't forget you said we'd give the bird a toss in the morning.
18:41Yes, I haven't forgotten.
18:44You didn't feed him?
18:46No, you told me not to.
18:50I'll give him a little first thing.
18:56Coming to bed then?
18:58I don't feel sleepy.
19:00Nor me.
19:01You want to keep watch, don't you?
19:04Yes, I must see how it moves.
19:26Hey, John!
19:28John, look!
19:29It's gone!
19:31Did you see it move?
19:33No.
19:36Perhaps it was all just a bad dream.
19:41That's what it seems like.
19:43Perhaps it got towed away.
19:46During the night, the council aren't that eager.
19:51When we tell our grandchildren, we'll say it got to the end of its journey and reached the happy hunting
19:56ground.
19:57Journey's end.
19:58Except it hasn't quite reached the end of its journey.
20:02It still had a little way to go.
20:24Oh!
20:36I'll put in a pair of shoes in case he decides to walk home, if he comes home.
20:45Bye.
20:46Bye, love.
20:56Bye.
21:35Bye.
21:59Bye.
22:29Bye.
22:59Bye.
23:26Bye.
23:40John!
23:42I'm in here.
23:50Here. Sue.
23:52give me a hand no no look we'll talk about this later just come and help me
24:00will you I'm not coming near it won't hurt you
24:06Sue come back we can take it to bits and then I'll get rid of it come on darling
24:13it's all right
24:23it's just my leg darling it's caught push the seat forward will you that's it
24:29now forward it's stuck oh well pull it darling I'm trying to pull it
24:35come on darling I can't open the door what it won't open oh well try the other one
24:49open the window
25:03switch it off
25:07what
25:08but no key
25:13yeah
25:17yeah
25:19yeah
25:21yeah
25:22yeah
25:26yeah
25:28yeah
25:28yeah
25:28yeah
25:37yeah
25:38yeah
25:40Oh, my God.
26:10Oh, my God.
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