- 13 minutes ago
Very Important People 2023 Season 3 Episode 9
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Hi, my name is Caitlin, and I'm going to be the next American Idol!
00:06Today, we're giving this comedian a total transformation.
00:10Shut up, Bailey.
00:11They have no idea who or what they're about to become.
00:15You can't award me.
00:16Once they see themselves in the mirror, they'll have to make up a character on the spot,
00:20and then sit down with me for an improvised interview.
00:23Am I a goddess?
00:24This is Very Important People.
00:32Oh, oh, oh, oh my God.
00:37I don't have any eyebrows.
00:39Hello.
00:41Wait, wait.
00:42Oh, my God, I look like Lance Bass.
00:45Wow, these are wild.
00:47This is so crazy.
00:49I'm from Ohio.
00:51I'm an EDM artist.
00:53You know, I'm going through a breakup.
00:55I really wanted to be a little low-key tonight.
00:58This is something I sort of pulled together.
01:01It's a mixture of death and rebirth.
01:04Am I making any sense?
01:05Is that...
01:06Am I making sense?
01:19Okay, you guys gave me such wonderful compliments.
01:22I have decided to gift each one of you a compliment.
01:25You move things on this set.
01:27You are an editor.
01:28I love sort of that you are not afraid to come on when you need to come on,
01:34and that you're not afraid to leave when it's time to leave.
01:37Hey, Vic, we really have to go.
01:38We're an hour behind.
01:39Noted.
01:41Okay.
01:41You know, I just think a lot of people are having trouble slowing down,
01:44and the four of us taking our time, taking our breath...
01:48Okay, can we clear the set, please?
01:50Okay, so we're going to...
01:51Rolling, rolling.
01:51Guys, we're going to clear the set.
01:52Um, thank you for your time, and thank you for your voice.
01:55I appreciate your voice.
01:57We all have a story to tell,
01:59and sometimes those stories need to be shared with the world.
02:01Good evening.
02:02I'm Vic Mikaelis, back with another edition of Very Important People.
02:07Ah!
02:07Okay.
02:08Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
02:11Are you okay?
02:12Sorry, I had a sneeze. I'm sorry.
02:15Okay.
02:15Hello?
02:16Hello!
02:16Yes?
02:16Let's go ahead and take a seat here.
02:18Oh, dear God.
02:20Please introduce yourself.
02:21And stop.
02:26Stop.
02:27Stop.
02:28Stop.
02:28Stop.
02:29Yes?
02:29Okay, well, stop.
02:30It is so lovely to have you on the show today.
02:32When I saw your exhibit, pieces of frame...
02:34Do you want some water?
02:35I haven't had water in about 10 years, so...
02:38You haven't had water in 10 years?
02:39No.
02:40Okay.
02:41We also have, uh, sort of like an off-brand Sprite.
02:44Please stop talking so I can speak.
02:47Part of my exhibit going on right now
02:51is to put myself through a sense of turmoil, yes?
02:58So I will have a sip of the water.
03:01We'll see if I die or not.
03:02Did you know that infants cannot have water or they will die?
03:06Yeah, I did know that.
03:07I did not know that.
03:08How did you find out?
03:10Okay, so I, I honestly, this is...
03:13Stop, please.
03:14Okay.
03:21That was brave.
03:23Okay.
03:24Do we have a medic maybe here somewhere?
03:26Okay, so, I don't know how water is eliciting that reaction.
03:29I think you do need it to live.
03:32Okay, okay.
03:33That went down quite well.
03:35Wow.
03:35Thank you so much, Shudder.
03:36Thank you so much.
03:37No problem.
03:38Okay, wow.
03:39Honestly, I've been such a fan of art for such a long time.
03:41I feel like being a part of the art is kind of exhilarating.
03:44But can I please have some help?
03:45My God.
03:45Of course.
03:46And that's, and that's on me as host.
03:48I'm sort of the art curator of this, of this set.
03:50Oh, wow, look at this.
03:51Look at this.
03:51That's gorgeous.
03:52It looks like a dragon.
03:53Okay.
03:54Tape it off immediately before it dries.
03:55Here's some tape.
03:56Yes.
03:57Here we go.
03:58And did you, and there we go.
03:59They're so long.
04:00Oh, thank you.
04:01I sort of let them grow out a little bit.
04:03Please, please, please.
04:04And I'm, and I'm quiet.
04:06And I'm so quiet here.
04:07And I'm going to let the artist work.
04:08This is really incredible.
04:09I mean, very rarely do we get true artists on our set.
04:13I personally firmly believe that art is the soul of a society.
04:21You have a show coming up.
04:22I have this exhibit coming up in two weeks.
04:25One of my prized possessions I brought here was one of my first pieces.
04:29It is entitled vacuous.
04:34You open the briefcase.
04:36And inside, inside is a photo of the briefcase.
04:41Sure.
04:41I get it.
04:42It's about the thing you want is actually the thing inside, right?
04:45No.
04:45Okay.
04:45It's about a vacuousness that is within but above.
04:51And so here we are.
04:52That is one of the pieces from my art exhibit.
04:54Your publicist brought a few additional pieces for you to show off today.
04:57That was not cleared with me.
04:58I did not know that that was happening here.
05:00Okay.
05:01Well, then we don't have to show the pieces if you'd prefer not to.
05:03I mean, I don't want to be annoying, so I guess, I guess we have to now.
05:07It's fine.
05:07Okay, well, and here's your first piece.
05:09Oh, yes.
05:10This is about something I love dearly, which is United States of America.
05:16Really?
05:17If there is one thing I love on this planet, it's Balenciaga and this goddamn country.
05:27So it's four flags.
05:29There are how many faces on Rushmore?
05:31Four.
05:32Oh, my God.
05:32The number four sort of transcends through all of the history of this incredible country that we live in.
05:39I get it.
05:39It's like the fact that we think we're the only one that has freedom, the one flag, except other countries
05:44have freedom, too.
05:45So there's multiple flags.
05:46We think we're alone, but actually, we're more alike.
05:48We are all together.
05:50We are all patriots.
05:53Patriots.
05:53Yes.
05:54I don't think I want to say that.
05:55I created these flags.
05:56Well, I bought them from a CVS and I took the tag off.
06:01What I like to do is I like to position them so they sort of somewhat resemble flowers because I
06:07think that to be a citizen in this beautiful nation is to be a flower blooming in a field.
06:12And correct me if I'm wrong, what I'm seeing here is, you know, these flags at the end of the
06:16day are made out of, okay, so, and then they fall sometimes.
06:19And sometimes freedom fails, right?
06:21Yes.
06:21Freedom never fails, but sometimes they fall just because of the geometry of them being anchored in a shortcut.
06:27So we are sort of saying two different things.
06:28Oh, this is gorgeous.
06:29What is this?
06:30It's sort of a stepstool.
06:31I actually didn't know it opened.
06:32I like this a lot.
06:33This would be a gorgeous skirt, yes?
06:35I don't know how you'd walk in that, personally.
06:37You don't have to walk in it.
06:38It's a skirt.
06:39Do you not walk in a skirt?
06:40Why are you constantly disagreeing with me?
06:42I don't understand.
06:43And I apologize.
06:43I'm going to be taking this with me when I leave.
06:46Okay.
06:46My assistant is off camera.
06:48We didn't even see you come in with anybody.
06:50Storm.
06:50Take this, please.
06:52Put this in my car and wrap it in the velvet cloak.
06:55Storm was really hiding.
06:56You know what?
06:57I think you're right.
06:58Who are you?
06:58This is camera, and this is actually my favorite camera.
07:02Gets my good angles.
07:03I have a purse that looks exactly like that, yes?
07:06Do you?
07:07Yes.
07:07Well, you're saying yes, and I don't know, so I'm asking do you?
07:09It is not about yes or no, it's about always.
07:14Yes?
07:14Yes.
07:15Yes.
07:15Always.
07:17I feel a sadness in you, like an otherworldly deep sadness.
07:21Do people make fun of the way that you dress?
07:23I don't think so.
07:24I've been sad since, well, the infant incident, but, you know, it's, every once in a while,
07:31I sort of feel as though you have to pretend that the sadness is not there, yes?
07:36Yes.
07:36And I sort of feel that, you know, within...
07:40Oh, God.
07:42The art, it just...
07:43Please!
07:44Okay.
07:47Oh, geez.
07:48Okay.
07:49Oh.
07:49Maybe Storm could help.
07:50Okay, so, Storm, and then we go.
07:52Okay, and then Storm, off set, because...
07:54Storm, Storm, Storm, Storm, Storm, Storm, Storm, Storm.
07:58I'd like to paint your eyes.
07:59Me?
08:00Yes, right now.
08:01Can we find some paint, please?
08:02We'll find some paint?
08:03I have to paint Vic's eyes right now.
08:04Okay, yes.
08:04We have to move this out of the way right now.
08:07We have to move everything right now.
08:09Please?
08:10I need you to sit right here with me right now.
08:12Yep.
08:12Okay.
08:12Oh, God!
08:13What does this mean?
08:14The flag has fallen and the water is evaporating.
08:18Yes.
08:18What does this mean?
08:18Yes, yes, yes.
08:19A lack of resources.
08:20Yes, let me think for just a moment, please.
08:22maybe this piece of art that is now broken apart
08:26is sort of telling us that this country is not great again.
08:34Vic, if you please, I want you to hold these flags
08:36and to yourself out loud,
08:39please tell me what you love about this country.
08:41Okay.
08:43I love, okay, I love sort of that I get to do this show
08:49in this country.
08:50Yes.
08:50I did try and do this show when I was in Hungary.
08:53If you're hungry, then get some food.
08:55Okay.
08:55No, the country, though.
08:56I've taken improv comedy once or twice in my life.
08:59Did you?
09:00That was a joke that I tried, yes.
09:02Okay.
09:02I did try and do stand-up one time at a storytelling show,
09:05but my jokes were mostly sort of like headlines.
09:08Can I say something?
09:08You're very long-winded.
09:12Oh, okay.
09:13Oh, no, so I see what this is.
09:15No, so this is sort of, I got this commissioned, actually,
09:18by an artist that maybe you know.
09:19He does sort of-
09:20Can you hold this for me, please?
09:21Birds and portrait.
09:22Well, so plastic on these, Storm!
09:24So Storm isn't like cleared to be on the set.
09:27Hold it.
09:28Okay.
09:28Do as I say.
09:30Do as I say.
09:31I think something I'm really working on as a person is,
09:33you know, I'm listening to feedback.
09:34You have not been listening.
09:38Okay.
09:38Well, then that must not be true.
09:39Oh, wow.
09:40Look at this.
09:41Oh, God.
09:42Okay.
09:42I'm feeling this deep, deep sadness within, yes?
09:46That is tears for not listening, yes?
09:48So first I was a little excited that we were getting an original
09:50and now it's sort of a, you get what you want,
09:52just not the way you wanted it.
09:56When was the last time you felt utter despair?
09:59Right now.
10:00Why?
10:00I think, you know, like, I was really excited to have you on
10:02and interview you about art, and, you know,
10:04I just, I think your work meant so much to me.
10:06Again, this long-winded, I just don't understand.
10:08I ask a question, then I get this sort of soliloquy of information.
10:12It's grating.
10:13Are you a Republican?
10:15I don't speak politics.
10:17Oh, right.
10:18Okay.
10:18You know, and we'll sort of, we'll put those sort of over there.
10:21Let me tell you something about art.
10:22It is not always what for.
10:25It is what you are on the inside, but that doesn't matter.
10:29It's what's on the outside, yes?
10:31Oh, my God, I get it.
10:32It's, it's us.
10:33I'm not done.
10:34Okay.
10:34It is what you are on the outside, but it's,
10:37it's all on the inside as well.
10:39It's the two of us sort of building something together,
10:42something greater than ourselves.
10:43I sort of find, um, it's USA.
10:48Okay.
10:48When I think about what I think is great,
10:51I think about how much I love this nation.
10:55Right.
10:55And, and how much it has given me.
10:58I'm, I wanted to do fireworks.
11:00I think we sort of get the idea here.
11:01Storm, I need a tissue.
11:03So we'll just sort of do this.
11:04Storm, can you kiss it, please?
11:06Thank you, Storm.
11:08Okay.
11:08We'll go up then.
11:10Look at this.
11:11Oh, man.
11:12Okay.
11:12And there we go.
11:14Okay.
11:14Okay.
11:15And so sort of.
11:15Vic, it's a pull.
11:16It's a pull.
11:16You just have to pull me up.
11:17Yes?
11:18So I'm sort of, and there we go.
11:20Look at that.
11:21Hello?
11:22Hello?
11:22Ah!
11:25This is our PA.
11:26Oh, dear God.
11:27And we do have to, and we say thank you.
11:29Thank you for, uh, for gathering our art.
11:31I was not prepared for this.
11:32I apologize, and I will learn better,
11:34and I will do better.
11:36Okay.
11:36Well, I'm noticing this is kind of drying.
11:39And look at that.
11:41Vic, it's a pull.
11:42You just have to pull me.
11:43And it's a pull.
11:43And there we are.
11:44Thank you so much.
11:45Look at that.
11:45Fantastic.
11:46Oh, okay.
11:47Oh, no.
11:47Ah!
11:49It can't be hurting.
11:51It's not really attached to your head.
11:52It's like, is this coming from your head?
11:54Why would you ask someone a question like that?
11:56What do you mean?
11:57It looks like a hat.
11:57Do I ask you about your appearance?
11:59You did sort of ask her about my suit ten minutes ago.
12:02No, that's lies.
12:03That's fake news.
12:04Hey, let's focus.
12:05You're here to talk about your art show,
12:07and I want to support you in that mission.
12:08I have a performance that I would like to do, yes?
12:11Yes, please.
12:12We would love to see a performance, I think.
12:14Can I have a light change, yes?
12:15I'm sure.
12:16Okay, so we'll sort of.
12:19Yes?
12:20Okay, spooky.
12:23Yes?
12:29Oh, say can you see
12:35By the dawn's early light
12:43What's so boldly weird
12:47At the twilight's last gleaming
12:54Whose broad stripes and bright stars
13:01Through the perilous nights
13:07Where the ramparts we watched
13:13Were so gallantly streaming
13:20And the rocket's wrangling
13:26Of all the stinging
13:33In both of the night
13:38That I'm not done
13:41Not a flame
13:46Oh, say does that star-spangled
13:55Better yet wave
14:06O'er the land
14:11Of the free
14:15O'er the home
14:18Of the
14:23Rave
14:29Oh, okay
14:30Okay
14:31I get it
14:32You're sort of like
14:33Oh, I'm like a Republican
14:35It's the art
14:36No
14:36You're playing like this character
14:37Yes
14:38And we're all like
14:38Oh my god
14:39Who did she vote for?
14:40And we're like so scared
14:41I voted for Donald J. Trump
14:46I voted for Donald J. Trump
14:49I don't know if you know this
14:50But the J stands for Jessica
14:53And so I just sort of feel like
14:55I just wanted to share that
14:57Oh, so that's real
14:59Yes
15:00Okay
15:00What's the issue?
15:02I think that you voted for a bad person
15:04His middle name is Jessica
15:06How bad can he be?
15:07I don't think that's his middle name
15:08It's fine
15:09I'm happy with the candidate I voted for
15:11Can't we all just get along?
15:12I don't understand the issue
15:13How do we get along over to the art pieces here?
15:15So let's maybe go take a look at this
15:17What is the problem?
15:18We heard maybe you'd be interested in live ideating an art piece here for us
15:22Oh wow, this is a treasure trove
15:24So what do you look for when you're looking to create an art piece?
15:26I'm looking for color variation
15:30This represents a bill for fracking
15:34Because it's twisted
15:35Because it's needed
15:36We have sound here
15:43The sound of the south
15:50Yes
15:50I think the south maybe has enough sound
15:52If we could just
15:53Storm!
15:54And so storm is sort of right here
15:56Please take this and put it in buttermilk and have it solidified
15:59So storm is making a lot of the art
16:01Hello?
16:03Hello?
16:04Hello?
16:04Hello?
16:05Yes?
16:05Hello?
16:06Oh, I love this
16:08Okay, me too
16:09That's something we can agree on
16:11You are going to abide by the law
16:13There is a citywide curfew
16:16You are going to abide by the law
16:19There is a citywide curfew
16:21Stop attacking the cops
16:24They are here to protect you
16:26And then my turn with the art
16:27And I sort of say
16:27Oh, okay
16:29Okay, this actually does feel
16:30Yes
16:30This feels great, actually
16:31I was going to say
16:32You know, I don't know that that's true
16:33And also I don't think that
16:34Hello?
16:35Attacking civilians is really
16:36Hello?
16:36Oh, soon we found another one
16:37There is a nationwide curfew
16:40Stop attacking the cops
16:42Well, I don't think anybody's attacking
16:44Stop attacking the cops
16:45Nobody's attacking the police
16:46Yeah
16:46Okay, I don't think that's really an issue
16:48Stop attacking the cops
16:57You know what I'm saying?
16:58Giving money and praise to people
16:59That are, like, literally saving people
17:01You know who needs money
17:02Are the lobbyists
17:03What do you mean the lobbyists need money?
17:05I think they're giving money
17:07They don't need money
17:07They're so rich
17:08I feel as though the lobbyists need money
17:09Why is that an issue?
17:11And I think there should be more guns
17:14No, no, no
17:16Yes?
17:16There shouldn't be more guns
17:17There are plenty of guns
17:18There needs to be less guns, actually
17:20And guess what?
17:20I'm sorry
17:21I'm sorry to say it
17:22I love your art
17:23And I think you're a bad person
17:24And I don't think we can separate art
17:26From the artist
17:27Vic, I have a question for you
17:28Have you ever been to the island of Sweden?
17:31No, no, I haven't
17:33I have a beautiful house there
17:35Of course you do
17:36With several bedrooms
17:37Yeah
17:37A 24-7 live-in chef
17:39A live-in masseuse
17:41Of course
17:41And live performances every night by Maroon 5
17:44Maroon 5?
17:45Would you like to be a guest in my home?
17:48We would have a fantastic time
17:50I have an infinity pool
17:51In fact, I have four
17:55No
17:56I have a private jet outside
17:59Storm is fueling it right now
18:00And we have unlimited flan
18:02I spoke to a producer earlier
18:04Who I paid $10,000
18:06To tell me
18:07How much you love flan
18:08Flan?
18:09Would you like to hold this flag for me?
18:11Yes?
18:11Just my fingers are tired
18:12Yes?
18:14You know what?
18:15Honestly
18:16I think I could probably do more good
18:17By like coming with you
18:18And having a conversation
18:19Oh yeah
18:19Because that's how you change people
18:20We can chat
18:21If you have conversations with people
18:22Yes
18:23Yes
18:24I just want to say
18:25Vic Michaelis is coming to my house
18:28And being a guest in my home
18:30And they do not care who I voted for
18:32Okay so we're gonna
18:33We're gonna do that
18:34Vic Michaelis endorses
18:35I'm Vic Michaelis reminding you to be true to yourself
18:36Unless you'd rather be somebody else
18:38Good night
18:39And I didn't say that
18:40I have to say
18:40Vic Michaelis does endorse
18:42My beliefs
18:43I just think we should stay off of social media
18:44Maybe
18:45And we sort of
18:46I've been live streaming this entire time
18:48Storm has been in the corner
18:49I wanted to say
18:51The week that you come
18:52My dear friend Newt Gingrich
18:53Is going to be there
18:54He is a riot
18:57He's so hilarious
18:58Does he do improv too?
18:59Yes he does
19:00Improv funnily enough
19:01And I feel like you will have so much to discuss
19:03Vic
19:04Why?
19:32Okay
19:34Okay
19:34I'll see you next time
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