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Bradley Walsh & Son Breaking Dad Season 7 Episode 4
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Short filmTranscript
00:01Bradley and Barney are halfway through their Aussie adventure.
00:04Wow!
00:05Having started in Sydney, they've travelled past the sun-soaked beaches of the Gold Coast
00:09and are now continuing north before diving headfirst into the Queensland outback.
00:14And finally ending in Cairns, the gateway to the Great Barrier Reef.
00:18As ever, Barney's chasing thrills.
00:22And Brad...
00:24Well, he's just questioning the life choices that led him here.
00:27Guys, I really don't want to do this.
00:28What a change!
00:43Brad and Barney have left the Gold Coast behind
00:46and travelled 50 miles north to Brisbane, the capital of Queensland
00:49and Australia's third-largest city.
00:58New day. We're in Brisbane.
01:00Yep.
01:01I like Brisbane. It's nice.
01:02Do you know they say they were the ones to invent smashed avocado on toast?
01:06Well, good luck to them, I say.
01:08I love avocado toasts.
01:09What did you invent? We invented roads, drainage, flights, jets.
01:14What did you invent? Smashed avocado on toast?
01:16A lot of inventions come from Australia.
01:18Oh, yeah, go on. Like what?
01:19This is amazing. People will be able to watch us on this trip because of this.
01:23What, television?
01:24No. A more important invention than the television.
01:27Sorry. Not having that. There's no more important than the telly.
01:29Most televisions have this now.
01:31What is it?
01:32Wi-Fi.
01:34What?
01:34John O'Sullivan from Melbourne is regarded as the father of Wi-Fi.
01:38It says here that Freddos were invented in Australia. Freddo frogs.
01:41Hold the line. Now we're talking.
01:43All of a sudden, smashed avocado, we've lifted it, we've raised the bar,
01:47we've now gone to Freddos.
01:49Forget the Wi-Fi. The Australians, they've nailed it now.
01:52Well, look, we're in Brisbane. We're going to go trotting.
01:56Oh, yeah.
01:56Can you give me a guess what trotting means?
01:58Impressions of Derek Trotter.
02:00Who's Derek Trotter?
02:01It's where you knew Derek Trotter.
02:03All right, rudders, all right. Speeders in that.
02:06No, funnily enough, that's not what trotting is.
02:09Close. Think only fools and horses, but with just the horses.
02:13Trotting, or harness racing as it's officially known, is hugely popular in Australia.
02:18It's a sport that resembles the Roman chariot races of old,
02:21but with a little less violence and a lot more speed.
02:25Where are you going?
02:27What do you mean, where am I going?
02:28What's it look like I'm going? No, going on here.
02:30I don't think we're supposed to be on this bit.
02:31Eh?
02:32I think we're on the racetrack right now.
02:34Well, it said all vehicles this way.
02:36You've driven onto the track in an RV.
02:39You keep telling me that I'm not an idiot, I know where we are.
02:43I think you might be.
02:44What?
02:44An idiot.
02:46So they come into the straight now with just over a lap left to go.
02:49We've got horses behind us.
02:50Oh, yeah.
02:51Oh, yeah.
02:52Like it's a normal thing.
02:54Is there an RV on the course?
02:56I've never seen this before in my life.
02:58And they're coming up on the outside.
03:00It's Red Rock.
03:02No.
03:02Oh, this is so hilarious.
03:04That is great.
03:05Look at that.
03:06Beautiful horses.
03:07You know who would love this?
03:07Your granddad would love this.
03:09Gat would have loved this.
03:10Gat would have loved this.
03:12Don't worry about that.
03:12I could catch him in this, mate.
03:14Come on, brothers, son.
03:16Come on, son.
03:17Come on.
03:18Come on.
03:18All right.
03:19Don't worry, lads.
03:20I think they saw you coming.
03:22He's going to have a go at us.
03:23He won't have a go at us.
03:25Hello, Jim.
03:25You all right?
03:26I'm Barney.
03:26This is my dad, Brad.
03:27How are you doing there, mate?
03:28Good to see you.
03:29Good to see you.
03:30Sorry about that, mate.
03:31What do you think you're doing?
03:32This is Albion Park Harness Racing Club.
03:34I know.
03:35This is the metropolitan home and heart of Harness Racing here in Queensland.
03:38Do you know what?
03:38I just got carried away.
03:40I felt as though I was in the Indy 500.
03:43It's a cracking stadium, Jim.
03:45It's a cracking place.
03:46We actually had racing here since the 1880s.
03:48Right.
03:48How dangerous is it, Jim?
03:50It can get dangerous.
03:52You'll find out today because we're going to get you in the sulkies
03:54with a couple of drivers, but it's one of those things that,
03:58if you're careful, you should be OK.
04:01Thankfully, careful is Brad's middle name,
04:03but the boys will be under the watchful eye of two pro riders
04:07who are taking them round the track for training.
04:09Fortunately, this time in a slightly more appropriate vehicle.
04:13Just hold on.
04:14OK.
04:15That feels quick.
04:16Colloquially known as the trots, due to the horses,
04:19well, having to trot rather than gallop,
04:21this type of racing dates back to the early 1800s
04:24in Australia.
04:25Do you know what?
04:26I've got to tell you something, and this is absolutely true.
04:28He is very, very, very wary of horses.
04:31I love horses.
04:33They're beautiful.
04:34They're great animals.
04:35We'll teach you how to do it faster.
04:37I don't need to go faster, Angus.
04:38I need you to go safely.
04:42Wow.
04:44That's quicker than I imagined.
04:46He's scared.
04:47He's gripping on.
04:48Do you think we got him?
04:49Yeah.
04:51Are you ready to race?
04:52Are you ready, Angus?
04:53Yeah.
04:54We're ready.
04:54With a loser, gets a penalty.
04:56OK.
04:57OK.
04:58So here we are, ladies and gentlemen, making their debut this afternoon.
05:01Bradley and Barney, while striving in tandem with a couple of Queensland's best.
05:06Who is that guy?
05:07I do the voiceovers round here.
05:09So, as Brad and Barney line up behind the starter vehicle, it's two laps, fastest wins,
05:14and, for the loser, a forfeit.
05:16How exciting.
05:17It's like Ben-Hur.
05:19May the best Walsh win.
05:22And they're off.
05:24Whoa!
05:26Whoo-hoo!
05:27And they're off in the Albion card count.
05:30This is great.
05:31Oh, my God, he's just behind us.
05:33Wow, we've come chunking round there.
05:36They're about to hear the bell now as they've got one lap remaining in the Albion card count.
05:41Have they left it too late?
05:43Halfway, and Brad and Barney are in a fight for last place.
05:46Barney can't handle it.
05:47He swallowed half a ton of gravel.
05:49Go, Brady, go!
05:51There we go!
05:53Hang on, hang on.
05:54Brad's making a move on the outside, and Barney's moved up into second.
05:58It's not over yet.
05:59They approach the home turn, and the chase is on it.
06:03Going to the lead.
06:03Blacks are fake.
06:05Trying to get to the outside.
06:06Was Leap to Fame.
06:07Sitting on eight.
06:08It's paddling away.
06:09And going for the passing lane run now with Mr. Feelgood.
06:11They stretch across the track.
06:13Sitting on eight.
06:14Going to him now on the outside.
06:16Blacks are fake, and he has Leap to Fame right down the middle.
06:18It's Blacks are fake just in front.
06:20He's hanging on.
06:21Get in!
06:22Blacks are fake will take out the Albion card count.
06:25Defending home a tight photo finish.
06:27Whoa!
06:27Just missed, Eric.
06:29Oh, mate.
06:30Yes!
06:31That was absolutely brilliant.
06:34It was a photo finish for sure.
06:36So, in the closest Walsh v Walsh race yet, a look at the photo finish shows Barney pipped his dad
06:42to the post.
06:43Well, his horse did.
06:44We did have the result with the photo.
06:46Come on, Jim.
06:47Boy, because we...
06:48Well done.
06:48Yes!
06:49Let's go!
06:50Come on!
06:54We had you.
06:54What did I tell you?
06:56We had you.
06:57I said to you, didn't I?
06:57There was going to be a...
06:58What's the...
06:58What's the penalty?
06:59Oh, no!
07:01Don't mind the flies.
07:03But we need somebody to clean up the stables, mate.
07:07There you go.
07:08A little shovel.
07:11It's all right.
07:12No shame in it.
07:13We all started.
07:13Oh, f***.
07:15You've got to start somewhere.
07:18It won't kill you.
07:20Off you go.
07:22See ya.
07:23Well done.
07:24Well, at least it's a stable career, Brad.
07:26Not to be sniffed at.
07:28Down.
07:29Down.
07:30Down.
07:31Down.
07:32Down.
07:33After a quick hosing down, the boys are keen to explore Brisbane and the banks of the eponymous
07:37Brisbane River.
07:38Now they've found the perfect way to do it.
07:42This actually could be London.
07:44It could be, yeah.
07:45You could be going over Waterloo Bridge here.
07:48There's a little London Eye over there.
07:49That's the old South Bank.
07:51That looks like the National Theatre.
07:52It does look like the National Theatre.
07:53We ain't even in Brisbane.
07:54We're in London.
07:56Down.
07:56Down.
07:58Everything's waiting for you.
08:00Cool way to see Brisbane, though.
08:02Yeah, it is.
08:02100%.
08:03Why have I got the city down one?
08:06Because you're of a certain age, darling.
08:08I'll turn it in.
08:09It's just not fair.
08:11Well, we've got some time to kill.
08:13That's why I got us these scooters to take us around Brisbane, see a little bit of the gardens
08:17and stuff and the city.
08:18Later on, we're going LARPing.
08:21LARPing?
08:21LARPing.
08:22L-A-R-P-I-N-G.
08:23What is LARPing?
08:25We'll get there and you'll see.
08:26How about that?
08:26I'll race you there.
08:28Come on.
08:32Come on, Bradley.
08:33Put your foot down.
08:33The sun's setting and you've got a date with some LARPers.
08:36Whatever they are.
08:38Where are the people?
08:39What people?
08:40Well, we're supposed to meet a bunch of people here.
08:43Heldrads!
08:46This motley crew are LARPers, also known as live action role players.
08:52While most people think of cricket, rugby and surfing as Australia's favourite pastimes,
08:56LARPing is the new kid on the block, growing in popularity all over Australia.
09:01You lads look a little lost.
09:02Welcome to Hell's Rake.
09:03Where?
09:04Hell's Rake.
09:05So what is that?
09:06What is that?
09:06Live action role play.
09:08We're medieval fantasy, but more of a homebrew world.
09:12Right, so what's our role in this going to be?
09:15You're going to be the generals of our two teams.
09:17Oh, so are we against each other then?
09:19Yeah, we're going to be the generals.
09:20We'll wait till night falls, and then we'll start the battle properly.
09:24Why nightfall?
09:25For the drama.
09:26For the drama.
09:27For the drama.
09:27You love a bit of drama.
09:28I do love a bit of drama.
09:29For Hell's Rake!
09:30For Hell's Rake!
09:32Yes!
09:33Nice to meet you, everyone.
09:34See you there.
09:34Lock and roll, I love you.
09:38Every Friday, when the sun sets, this local rugby club transforms into a medieval battlefield.
09:44You look great.
09:45So do you, don't you be there?
09:46This is awesome.
09:46Swapping rugby boots and balls for coats of armour, swords and shields, and even pointy ears,
09:51each player is responsible for their own character, costume, and even their own backstory.
09:56So obviously a big part of LARP is the RP, which is roleplay.
10:01So you happen to look a lot like our town guard.
10:04Town guard.
10:05So what we were thinking is you could work for the Baron.
10:08Okay.
10:08And be fighting for the Baron.
10:09Great.
10:10And what we were thinking for you is you're a man of the people, okay?
10:13And the people tend to not love the Baron a lot of the time because he tends to charge taxes.
10:21Yes.
10:21The objective will be kidnap each other.
10:24You will be kidnapped and taken to the opposing enemy's base.
10:28Yeah.
10:28And that is how we'll decide who wins.
10:30Okay.
10:30I like it.
10:31In probably one of the worst military decisions in the history of the human race, Brad and Barney have been
10:36put in command of their own armies.
10:37And with their seconds in command chosen, all that's left to do is get into character and rally the troops
10:42for battle.
10:43Citizens of the Baron, I present to you your lord.
10:49We are here today to defend the interests of the Baron.
10:52We will give our lives to protect the Baron.
10:55For Hellsreich!
10:56For Hellsreich!
10:58Today we fight for freedom.
11:00And today we fight for our village.
11:02For those of you that are here from foreign lands,
11:05Bonne chance, good luck and Godspeed!
11:13Let battle commence.
11:18For the Baron!
11:20Come behind!
11:22Get off you ruts!
11:23At first glance this may look chaotic, but LARP is actually a full-on contact sport with strict rules.
11:29Get the general!
11:30Where a weapon strikes you decides the amount of damage inflicted by a point system.
11:36Hold that bridge!
11:38Take too many hits and lose too many points and you're declared deceased and out of the game.
11:44I haven't got a clue what's going on.
11:45Me neither, Brad.
11:46But it does look fun.
11:47Brown's ward is right through there.
11:49I see him.
11:50I'm coming for you.
11:51As both sides take heavy casualties, Brad rallies his depleted army.
11:56Are you ready?
11:58I'll take the bridge!
11:59Follow me!
12:00Charge!
12:02And in an act of surprising bravery, joins the front line for one last push.
12:15Our general's fallen!
12:17Yes!
12:18However, in hindsight, this turned out to be a tactical blunder.
12:22As Brad was quickly captured and dragged unceremoniously out of the game.
12:31For victory!
12:38We've taken your general!
12:42I'm going to come out for a loaf of bread.
12:57Don't take the way!
12:58Don't take the way!
13:00Don't take the way!
13:00Brad and Barney have left Brisbane behind, travelling 400 miles north on the A1 to Rockhampton.
13:06Sounds a long way, but on the world's longest highway at around 9,000 miles,
13:11your average Aussie, it's still considered within shouting distance.
13:14Rockhampton was a town that was established in 1853.
13:17Right.
13:18They found a load of gold here.
13:19What, actual gold? Like a...
13:21Like a gold rush. There's a bit of a gold rush here in Rockhampton.
13:23Ah, now you've got my attention.
13:25Gold!
13:26If you notice, as well, you'll see a lot of statues of cows.
13:30This is the beef capital of Australia.
13:32So we've got to have a steak here, then? That'll be the thing.
13:34Yeah, we'll have a steak here. It's a big beef industry here.
13:36Yeah.
13:37Right, do you want to know where we're going?
13:39Quite frankly, no, I'm not interested.
13:41I'm just driving aimlessly around Rockhampton, hoping to bump into some gold.
13:45We're on our way now to meet a bit of a local legend.
13:48Is it a cow? Has it got beef in it?
13:50It's not, no, but he's got over 11 million views online.
13:54Right.
13:54His name's Alan.
13:55Alan, OK.
13:56And I shan't tell you any more.
13:58No, don't do that.
14:00Oh, look at the bikes.
14:01The city of Rockhampton is often overlooked by visitors to the East Coast
14:05and definitely not somewhere you'd expect to find a viral superstar.
14:09Hello, Alan. Nice to meet you. I'm Barney.
14:12But for Brad and Barney, the opportunity to meet a truly unique local legend is worth the detail.
14:18I wouldn't have minded a ride on a bike, to be fair.
14:21Well, this has nothing to do with bikes.
14:23What?
14:23It's a red herring.
14:24You should really know better, Brad.
14:25Nothing is ever as it seems on these trips.
14:30Welcome to my shed.
14:36Yep, I didn't see it coming either, but Alan is a pole dancer and a very famous one at that,
14:41having appeared on Australia's Got Talent before going global on America's Got Talent.
14:46Whoa.
14:47So, you know.
14:49Fair play.
14:51That's a fun move.
14:53How long have you been doing this, Al?
14:55About 15 years.
14:56No wonder you've got 11 million views.
14:58Have you had proposals of marriage and all sorts of things?
15:01Oh, no.
15:01Well, he's got way more than 11 million.
15:03How many do you reckon you have across all socials?
15:05Oh, God.
15:05Across all of them, probably 50.
15:07Yeah.
15:075-0, 50 million.
15:09Absolutely amazing.
15:10Fair play.
15:10What's your trickiest move, would you say?
15:13They call it Ayesha.
15:15Here we go, ladies and gentlemen.
15:20Here we go.
15:21Whoa!
15:22Yes, that's it.
15:25That's an effort.
15:29Sorry.
15:31Doesn't that hurt, Al?
15:32Not really.
15:33I've got to be honest with you, Al.
15:34This is the last thing I expected to see.
15:36Do you want to have a go on Alan's good old?
15:38I think you should have.
15:39I'll pick a pun.
15:40Let's try to have a go on Alan's pole.
15:43Well, I'll be honest.
15:44You pole dancing, Brad, is the last thing I expected to see.
15:47Go on, Dan.
15:49Yes.
15:50God, Blimey!
15:51Whack me ankle, I've only just got up there.
15:53Did you hear that?
15:54Yes.
15:54Holy ****.
15:56One of the dangers of pole.
15:57Why didn't you tell me, Al?
15:58Is that your attempt?
16:00You've read that way.
16:01You can just roll up.
16:03And roll up.
16:04That's it.
16:06Like that?
16:06Yeah.
16:07So really drive your leg into the pole and roll your hips and push your knee in.
16:15Turn on the cat ball.
16:16And if you see...
16:17There's a lot of pins.
16:19Oh, my God.
16:20That's hard.
16:21I'll go line.
16:22Where are you going?
16:23Where's he going?
16:26Cheating.
16:27No, that's not fair.
16:29That's cheating.
16:29This is my stepladder.
16:30My real ladder left me when I was a child.
16:34Oh, gosh.
16:35It must be a long drive.
16:37Oh, it's a long drive.
16:38Alan, thank you so much.
16:39It was so lovely to meet you.
16:40Well, you're welcome.
16:41Thanks for showing us your skills today.
16:42Great to meet you, Al.
16:43Real pleasure, mate.
16:44Thanks for having us at home.
16:44God bless you, mate.
16:45We'll find you on social media, Al.
16:46See you then.
16:47Go on, Al.
16:48Up you go.
16:49What a character, eh?
16:50He's enough to drive you up the pub.
16:54What a lovely man.
16:56What a lovely man.
16:56And what a strong man as well.
16:58Because that's tough.
16:59Yeah.
17:00What I did find disconcerting was the squeakiness of Alan's skin against the brass pole.
17:08Right, Kennyway, look.
17:09So what's coming up next, Barnes?
17:10Something I remember a few years ago.
17:12Yeah.
17:12We were watching it on the telly and you said, I'd love to be in one of those.
17:15I'd love to have a go at that.
17:16And I found it.
17:17Is it a pub?
17:19No.
17:20Shall I tell you what it is?
17:21No, no, don't tell me.
17:22No, don't spoil it, please.
17:24It's a vehicle.
17:25Why have you done that?
17:26I told you not to tell me.
17:29But this isn't what you think, Brad.
17:31Like a vehicle straight off the set of the Australian classic Mad Max, this is a monster truck.
17:37Owned by former monster truck champion Clive Fetterby, who for the last 25 years has travelled all over Australia showcasing
17:44his driving skills to stadiums packed full of fans.
17:47Of course, this look.
17:49You are going to love this.
17:53Wow, look at him, that looks mad.
17:55Awesome.
17:56Yeah.
17:56Hey, yeah.
17:57How you doing?
17:58How's it going?
17:58Hello, yeah.
17:59Nice to meet you.
18:00This is my dad, Brad.
18:01Hey, Brad, how are you?
18:02I'm Clive.
18:02Hello, Clive.
18:03How are you?
18:04This is amazing.
18:05No, they're really cool.
18:06They're around 1,500 horsepower.
18:09They're half a million dollar thing.
18:11They're purpose-built for what we do.
18:13So you'd like to go for a driving one?
18:14Yeah, why not?
18:19If you climb up onto the back there, crikey.
18:23With an engine ten times more powerful than your average car, Outback Thunder burns through 60 litres of fuel every
18:29four minutes.
18:30It's like being in a rocket, like, ready to go for launch.
18:34Weighing in at five tonnes, with its tyres measuring over five and a half feet, this isn't just a monster
18:39by name.
18:41It really is a monster.
18:43Whoa!
18:45That is loud.
18:48Woo-hoo!
18:52Oh, I can tell he's loving it.
18:59Well, let's throw live to Brad to find out.
19:01How you doing there, Brad?
19:18Yes!
19:21Is that OK?
19:29How was that?
19:30Oh, my God.
19:33That was fantastic.
19:36Well done.
19:37Holy ****.
19:38Talk me through that.
19:39Oh, my God.
19:40You're just like...
19:41You're absolutely like a pea in a tin.
19:44Yeah.
19:44You're mad.
19:45He was actually yelling faster while we were going.
19:48What's not?
19:49I actually was not.
19:50You must have neck muscles of steel.
19:54You must do.
19:55Well, anyhow, I'm glad that you enjoyed your drive there.
19:58And thanks for the compliments, but you haven't done yet.
20:02What have I got to do now?
20:03You've got to take me for a drive.
20:05OK.
20:05Do you want to do it?
20:06Oh, yeah, yeah, all right, yeah.
20:09All joking aside, this is not your average driving lesson.
20:13Just remember this is 1,500 horsepower.
20:15Accelerate too hard, it'll backflip.
20:17Right.
20:18To pass his monster truck driving test,
20:20today, Brad will have to demonstrate
20:22that he can successfully tame all that horsepower
20:25and line up for the classic car crusher.
20:28Wow.
20:31With limited visibility and a risk of flipping,
20:34much like Brad himself,
20:35this is the manoeuvre that many fail to master.
20:38Here we go.
20:43Yeah!
20:50I can't believe he's done that first time.
20:53Oh, I'm so proud of him.
20:55He smashed that.
21:14I can't believe he went over that first time.
21:18I can't believe it.
21:20What was it like going over that?
21:22It was a bit disorientating, innit?
21:24Yeah?
21:25Congratulations.
21:27Cheers, Clive.
21:28You've got a future in truck driving.
21:28I'm now going to have a look at the damage on the car.
21:31Come on, mate.
21:32Absolutely caved that in completely.
21:34I know, I know.
21:35Extraordinary.
21:36Look at that, mate.
21:36It's all right, innit?
21:37It's a lot of damage.
21:38Yeah.
21:38I don't think it'll get through its MOT.
21:40I thoroughly enjoyed that.
21:42Well done.
21:42Thank you, mate.
21:43Congratulations.
21:43That was really good.
21:45That's been a bit of an ambition.
21:46Yes?
21:47Yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:48Seriously, brilliant.
21:49Go now.
21:54Go now.
21:56Go now.
21:56Go now.
21:59Before you see me cry.
22:05I don't want you to tell me this is what you intend to do now.
22:13You're welcome.
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