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Transcript
00:19Ah, you're awake already.
00:23I smuggled an alarm clock in.
00:25We come as a pair now.
00:27Oh, poor Agnes is saddled with me.
00:30I enjoy it.
00:32Your dear's been back.
00:34Oh, is that right?
00:35You see the horse chestnut tree?
00:37There are leaves missing at the bottom of it.
00:41Then let's sit here all day.
00:44Wait until it comes back to us.
00:47Wouldn't that be nice?
01:07Hold on.
01:41For those who keep his covenant and will, the Lord's friendship is for those who revere him, and to them
01:56he reveals his covenant.
01:58Father, who was in heaven, hallowed be thy name, right in the cross.
02:21Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been 48 hours since my last confession.
02:28How can I help?
02:29Well, I have committed four acts of blasphemy and five, no, six of self-abasement. Seven, maybe, actually.
02:41You've had a busy time.
02:43She just talks at me, day after day. Oh, Brian's left his toenails all over the floor again. Brian's making
02:50a mess in the bathroom.
02:52I'd love for my Alan to be making any of those messes. But she doesn't even... I find myself getting
02:59so frustrated with her.
03:03I don't see how you can take any wrong from finding your sister difficult.
03:07It's just when I kill her that I'll be in trouble.
03:09Yeah. That, I believe, is friendable.
03:13She's stronger. Every day. And she's using this new energy to buzz around me.
03:21That's good.
03:22I asked her along to these classes they do at the GP as a sort of partner, and she is
03:30taking it way too seriously.
03:32She keeps getting me to practice this breathing stuff.
03:38And you? Are you okay?
03:44I think confession was definitely not supposed to be about my feelings.
03:52Dad said that you'd visited him.
03:54He didn't say it in a nice way, and I don't think what you said made any difference, but that
04:00was kind of you.
04:05It was a complicated discussion.
04:09What did he say to you?
04:16He set me a challenge.
04:19Which I didn't meet.
04:22Can't say any more than that.
04:24I'm sorry.
04:25Do you think he's going to be okay?
04:30Do you want him to be?
04:32Yes.
04:35I hope he will be.
04:44Francesca said I was allowed to make it mine.
04:48We had the opportunity to replant as we harvested, so you made some changes in what you planted and where
04:56you planted it.
04:58Quite bold, wouldn't you say?
05:00No.
05:01I wasn't even half out the door.
05:09Don't.
05:09Don't.
05:10Even as a joke.
05:11Come on, show me the worst of it.
05:15I'm planning on scallions in half the cabbage patch.
05:19The other half will still have cabbages in.
05:21Well, I like scallions.
05:23And to be honest, no one likes cabbages as much as me, so that's a good idea.
05:28And maybe more raspberries and strawberries in your polytunum.
05:32Scanneless.
05:33I made a raspberry and rhubarb jam that people seem to like.
05:36Yes, I tried it.
05:37The breakfast was delicious.
05:43Was it me that made you go?
05:47Sorry?
05:48Was it how I behaved?
05:50Were you disappointed?
05:51Or was it how the abbess treated me?
05:52Were you disappointed in her?
05:53No.
05:55No, it wasn't you.
05:57Never you.
05:58It wasn't her either.
06:00Although she did annoy me.
06:06Things are much better for me now.
06:08With her.
06:09The abbess is...
06:10She likes you now.
06:12Wouldn't go that far.
06:14It was a man who made me go.
06:19The handsome priest.
06:20Did everyone know?
06:22I saw you talking once.
06:24He was as into you as you him.
06:25You're wrong there.
06:28I was ridiculous.
06:30I don't think so.
06:32I was always good at spotting it.
06:33It was my skill at school for some reason.
06:36Maybe because I wasn't into boys I could read them.
06:39I'd tell the girls who'd fancied who.
06:41It was very useful knowledge.
06:42Must have been hugely popular.
06:44I was a mad Christian Dyke witch.
06:47What a combination.
06:55I, uh...
06:57Wired of arms laughing at me.
07:00The lusty nun.
07:03What a thing to be.
07:07You don't know how much you'll love, do you?
07:11No one's laughing.
07:12No one has laughed.
07:15They're just, they're...
07:16They're delighted to have you back with us.
07:20You're our Anna.
07:23You belong to us.
07:48Can we talk?
07:51Oh, uh, yeah, I hope to be good.
07:55Awkward to air dirty pants in front of other people.
07:58I hope I'm not wearing dirty pants.
08:01Ah, I, I've got that phrase wrong.
08:03Do the laundry.
08:04Ah, ha, yes.
08:05Well, it's the same thing, I suppose.
08:07Yeah.
08:10You do know that she's returned home?
08:13Anna?
08:15Uh, yeah.
08:17Well, yeah, so, so that just leaves you now, doesn't it?
08:23I don't know what to do with you.
08:26What are your options?
08:28Well, there are those who, they truly believe in you.
08:32They tried to get rid of me and got blocked.
08:35And there are others who think that you're damaged
08:37and that you might cause damage.
08:39And I wasn't blocked.
08:41I consulted.
08:43You know, there's some priests, they,
08:44they come back stronger for having been broken.
08:47And that is why I was prepared to bring you here.
08:51But the question is, what led to the break?
08:55People, they, they use words like last and love.
08:58But it is never that.
09:03Vows are not discarded for such things.
09:06Vows are discarded because of something here
09:10being unresolved of fear.
09:16Is this your normal tactic, your counselling?
09:20Is this a surprising amount of anger in your words?
09:24You know, you are unusual.
09:29Amongst the young priests, I'm personally finding
09:31that it's all about the liturgy.
09:33And the social work of priests is rare.
09:37What do you think a priest should do?
09:40Bring people to God
09:41so that all may bathe in his light.
09:48Not play God.
09:50Without a thought to the consequences.
09:54Does this, does that make me a conservative?
09:56Or, or does that make me careful
09:59with the needs of others?
10:01When we overstep, we risk.
10:04Them, it's inappropriate.
10:06It's wrong.
10:07What if help is what they need?
10:09Or do we let them ask for help?
10:13Or do we tell them that they need it?
10:19David, you're so reckless.
10:24We should go in.
10:40In the name of the Father and the Son
10:42and the Holy Spirit.
10:44Thank you all for coming.
10:45You know, I do so like these meetings.
10:48It is a chance for us to affirm our success
10:51and express doubts about our failures.
10:54Now, I hope you've all been sent the agenda.
10:57Let's start with the building fund.
10:59We've had a good quarter,
11:01so donations are high,
11:03which has allowed us.
11:08I don't even know what she said.
11:11I just found myself.
11:15And so,
11:18I jumped.
11:23Do we let them ask for help?
11:28It's in the real use.
11:30Are you helping here?
11:31Play God,
11:32without a thought to the consequences.
11:35Bring people to God.
11:40You might cause damage.
11:44David, you're so reckless.
12:02Black coffee,
12:04six sugars.
12:06Okay.
12:09It works.
12:11Trust me.
12:18You gave us all the fright.
12:23Just a stomach bug.
12:25Want to talk about it?
12:28Do you want me to call your sponsor?
12:30I don't have a sponsor.
12:32I've just come to the meetings.
12:34Not to judge.
12:36But those I know who don't have a sponsor
12:38are usually trying to avoid something.
12:41They're usually being a bit
12:43dishonest
12:44with themselves.
12:48This is so kind,
12:49but do you mind if I go?
12:50I'd rather you didn't.
12:53I'll just say.
12:54I'll be able to維 $1,000.
12:55I don't give up.
12:59I don't give up.
13:07I'm in a red 중.
13:08Oh,
13:23I'm in a red future.
13:23Look at in a black closet.
13:24It's Polly. She's struggling to breathe.
14:07Mum?
14:09Oh, hello.
14:11What are you doing here?
14:12Well, I didn't want to go up there. I assumed you already had enough attention on you.
14:17What, so you thought you'd just hang around on the off chance?
14:19Well, it's a regular haunt, is it not?
14:21Well, I've got some deliveries to do. You could help me.
14:32You've started smoking again.
14:34Don't tell your dad.
14:37I couldn't stop thinking about what I said to you.
14:40Which bit?
14:42The cruelty stuff, or the other stuff?
14:45Or was there any other stuff?
14:46Hmm.
14:48I met a boy when I was 15.
14:51Poorly pressed.
14:52Terrible moustache.
14:54Used to walk me home from school.
14:55I was at this terrible girls' school.
14:57Hmm. You told me about the girls' school.
14:59Not about this boy.
15:01He didn't talk much.
15:02He'd just mooch along beside me.
15:04I'd always be embarrassed whenever he got near my house
15:07because my mother would watch out of the window.
15:10She liked to interfere, my mother.
15:12Hmm.
15:13Sounds familiar.
15:15Yes.
15:16But my point is, I knew he wasn't very impressive.
15:21He had good eyes.
15:22His shoulders were always hunched.
15:24He didn't know what to do with his hair.
15:26And he had an acne problem.
15:29But his being, his insides, were quite special.
15:36As was the fact that he was absolutely certain of what he felt about me.
15:42He didn't care if people laughed at him.
15:45Hmm.
15:46Just was as he was.
15:48Anyway, one day my dad exploded at him.
15:52Nothing violent, but the things he said, he tore him apart.
15:56How he looked.
15:57How he spoke what he was going to be.
16:00I can still remember most of the words.
16:02It was the worst thing that ever happened to me.
16:04Certainly the worst thing that ever happened to him.
16:06Was he okay?
16:08What happened to him?
16:09Well, I married him, of course.
16:11Spent my life with him.
16:13But it was dad.
16:15Well, I didn't mean it to be a surprise.
16:20I know I've not always been the happiest mother, wife.
16:26I have had, have an unhappiness of my own that I brought with me into the relationship
16:33that being with you, with Chris, hasn't resolved.
16:38But he was, when I imagine my life without him, I see only turgid blood.
16:50But why haven't either of you ever mentioned this to me before?
16:54The dad would follow you home.
16:58I was lucky.
16:58I met him when I was 15.
17:00I think I was on the verge of many mistakes.
17:05My home wasn't.
17:08I think I'd have been unhappy.
17:10Unhappier.
17:11Don't know how he feels about that.
17:14Of course, rougher end of the bargain.
17:19Well, I wasn't supposed to make you cry.
17:22Fucking hell, whatever I say makes you cry.
17:24So now you're telling me that I should believe in love,
17:27I'm telling you you're your father's daughter.
17:30That when you know, you know.
17:33When you love, you love.
17:35I'm saying sorry.
17:38When you joined up, became Sister Anna, you ripped my heart out.
17:44And then suddenly you're on the other side and it's supposed to be okay.
17:48I was confused.
17:51But I do believe if love is what you need, then...
17:58I stopped him.
18:02Mum, I stopped him from kissing me.
18:05Oh?
18:06Why?
18:09Because he wasn't ready.
18:10Because he's a priest.
18:12Because I was bloody stupid.
18:15So let me understand.
18:17You were ready to burn your life and he wasn't.
18:21And then he was and you turned him away.
18:24Yes, exactly.
18:25But he kissed you.
18:26It was a mistake.
18:27So you ran away back here.
18:30Interesting.
18:31First time I've known you a coward.
18:37I came here to be nice.
18:40I can't do nice.
18:43I'm sorry.
18:46I do love you.
18:56What have you done this time, David?
18:59This is serious and worrying behaviour.
19:03This could be a police murder.
19:06David hit a boy in the throat.
19:09With a dinner tray.
19:11I wasn't trying to.
19:12Dave, he asked you to be quiet.
19:14I was trying to get away from him.
19:15Are you helping here?
19:16David is a dangerously disruptive presence here.
19:23Forgive me, Father.
19:25Of where I have sinned.
19:28Are those the right words?
19:31They always told me I didn't have to come here, but...
19:35You're just interested how it works?
19:40Or...
19:41Have you something you want to talk to me about?
19:44I'm not sure.
19:46The way this works is...
19:48You tell me what's troubling you.
19:51I listen.
19:53And then...
19:55I give you a prayer or something to perform.
19:59So...
20:00Whatever mistakes you've made...
20:02And...
20:03We all make mistakes.
20:06God can...
20:07Set you on a journey of...
20:11Correction.
20:12I hate them.
20:14Who do you hate?
20:17Everyone.
20:18I don't like anyone.
20:19I hate them all.
20:24Your...
20:25Your parents?
20:26They're not my parents.
20:29They're good people.
20:31I just hate them.
20:34It's hate a sin.
20:38Most hate is temporary.
20:40It's passion.
20:41And so it can be challenged.
20:43It can be changed.
20:46I don't understand.
20:48Everyone talks about God's love.
20:52God loves you.
20:53God loves everyone.
20:56But you know the best thing about God's love?
20:58He wants to love you.
21:00He wants you to love yourself.
21:03And to love him back.
21:06And maybe...
21:07If he can do that...
21:11Maybe...
21:12He can find infinite love for others.
21:16Now wouldn't that be beautiful?
21:31I'm afraid to tell you that Sister Polly Everon died three hours ago.
21:36I am so sorry for all our loss.
21:41Polly was here longer than any of us.
21:43She found great comfort here.
21:46God...
21:47Here.
21:49The last thing she asked me, and she was very weak, unable to say much, was that she be buried
21:55in the convent.
21:58We have never had that before, but having looked into the matter, she had no other surviving family.
22:04So if not here, I'm not quite sure where else to put her.
22:10I also think...
22:13I would like a trace of her left with us.
22:17I would like her to remain a part of how we live.
22:21I've spent my life here looking up to her.
22:24For that and many reasons.
22:27A prayer for her.
22:32Dear Lord, we thank you for our sister Polly.
22:37We thank you for her goodness and her grace.
22:41Her certainty.
22:42And her spirit.
22:45We hope she will find a way to serve you in the next life as well as she has in
22:49this one.
22:51We loved her.
22:54Amen.
23:04Amen.
23:17Amen.
23:29Amen.
23:31Amen.
23:36The next plan.
23:41What for...
23:42What are...
23:43I'm gonna have it?
23:52I don't know what to do.
24:12But you're always a bad thing, you know?
24:20Your life is different.
24:25Everyone will matter, I see you, who you are.
24:30Everyone I think matters, you know, you're a good man.
24:37Remember, I'm a superpower.
24:41My son, my highness is a good person.
24:49I'm a good man.
24:51It's not a good person, my son.
24:55And I have been here, I must move to work.
25:02And maybe try to do it.
25:10But, I don't know.
25:12I'm going to go on.
25:13I'm going to go on.
25:15I'm going to go on.
25:27Let me see.
25:29Let me see.
25:30Let me see.
25:33Let me see.
25:34Let me see.
25:42Let's catch you.
25:44Let me see.
25:48Let me see.
25:51Let me see.
25:54Let me see.
25:59You're just done.
26:02Just you, right?
26:05Ah, poof.
26:13I don't think you are me.
26:16You're trying to catch that.
26:35They who dwell at the ends of the earth stand in awe of your signs.
26:40You make the dawn and the sunset shout for joy.
26:46Psalms, chapter 65, verse 8.
26:51Very good.
26:58He wasn't a man for me.
27:01Or a woman, I should say.
27:03Modernity, etc.
27:05The absence of that was never a problem for me.
27:10But there were six months after I turned 50,
27:13when I couldn't understand the lack of devotion of those coming in.
27:18Six months.
27:20It was probably three years.
27:23You'd been with us 15 years or so by then,
27:25and I looked at you and I thought,
27:27maybe the time has come for me to take this all off.
27:32To let you take over.
27:34Maybe I'd like to escape away.
27:38My family have a small farm in Donegal,
27:40and my brother would make me very welcome.
27:44My point is, it's such a strange gift we're given.
27:49The certainty of a marriage,
27:50without all that comes with that.
27:53Holly found it effortlessly.
27:55I don't think she ever doubted her journey.
27:58But...
28:01most...
28:02most of us have moments of struggle.
28:07Is this you telling me that you forgive me for leaving?
28:11I still think about Donegal.
28:16As abbess, you are both my children and my sisters,
28:19and...
28:20I sometimes...
28:22when I'm in pain as I am today,
28:24I sometimes wish I could just escape.
28:27But I don't.
28:30I stay, and I try.
28:33Out there is...
28:35no escape.
28:37I know.
28:39But you do understand, Anna, outside is hard.
28:43But this isn't a century from that.
28:46Both are work.
28:48Both have to be work.
28:51My people...
29:05The Wyand Spare
29:06The Wyand Spare
29:07The Wyand Spare
29:08The Wyand Spare
29:19Hello.
29:27Hello, I'm...
29:29I know who you are.
29:32I didn't want to go into the convent.
29:37You don't want to face the abbess.
29:40You hope to find Sister Anna round the back instead.
29:45It's not quite that.
29:47She's just finding her peace again.
29:49And you want to disturb it.
29:53Which ones say you have to look to her?
29:55For her own good, or for yours.
29:59We love her here.
30:01She loves being here.
30:05Don't disrupt her again.
30:07She's not as strong as you think.
30:10Go home.
30:13Please.
30:20¶¶
31:00¶¶
31:17¶¶
31:17Can I have a wall plug, please?
31:20A what?
31:21Wall plug.
31:22It's a white plastic thing, looks like the head of an arrow.
31:26Yep.
31:27Doesn't look like an arrow.
31:29And yet you still knew what I'm in.
31:34Is it ready?
31:37No.
31:39When will I know you haven't broken everything?
31:41Haven't you got homework?
31:42You need my help here.
31:48It's finished.
31:55Oh.
31:56It's tuna pasta.
31:58You're welcome to stay for dinner.
32:01Oh, erm...
32:03I better get back.
32:06Good decision.
32:07That'll probably be horrible.
32:09I'm trying to sneak fish into everything and ruining everything.
32:12Most days she gives up and just eats crisps.
32:16Huh.
32:18Well, that's a well done for trying to smile.
32:21Just to let you know I hate that smile.
32:23Sorry.
32:23I know that smile too.
32:29When he saw you...
32:32Are you allowed to see what he asked for?
32:37I think it's a good idea to show him.
32:42I still think about him.
32:46Not always in a bad way.
32:51Does that make me shit?
32:52Yeah.
32:56Serenity feels like a long way away.
32:59I don't know if you know, I've also had addiction issues.
33:05Yeah.
33:07Phil told me.
33:09Alcohol.
33:10Phil told me that too.
33:13I just wanted to say, if I do need to talk to someone...
33:18Yeah, the sign of the cross bit isn't so important that I can't talk to you as a human, do
33:23you?
33:23It's kind.
33:25I've got a sponsor.
33:27But that's kind.
33:29I find the meetings really useful, but the sponsors weren't ever really for me.
33:35Because the ones that want to fix don't like to be fixed.
33:39I've seen your type before.
33:42You've seen me before too, I'm sure.
33:45A few people in similar places.
33:49Do they do okay?
33:52They come out the other side?
33:56Mm-hmm. Yeah.
33:58They did.
34:01You want to ask about the ones like you?
34:05Ask if they sorted themselves out?
34:08Yeah.
34:11Well, one did.
34:14One did it.
34:17See, I was a lot more honest than you then, wasn't I?
34:23Yeah.
34:23Sure you won't stay for dinner?
34:25Yeah.
34:31For the stair thing.
34:34I hope you make it through.
34:37You're one of the good ones.
34:41I think you're one of the good ones too.
34:45I think we'll both make it.
35:02I'm nervous.
35:03Well, I'm sorry.
35:06I'm sorry.
35:15How will you do?
35:16I wouldn't be saying, I should be like, please.
35:33Almighty, ever-living God, you rule both the living and the dead, and are merciful to you.
35:41We humbly beseech you that those for whom we pour out our prayers may obtain pardon for their sins through
35:52your tender mercy. Amen.
36:11Do you find this place to be a sanctuary, Vinpe?
36:14I do.
36:16But you work hard at what it requires of you.
36:20Faith is hard.
36:21No, I'm not talking about faith, I'm talking about...
36:27If I hadn't found a way for them to let you stay, would it have been easier if they'd just
36:34thrown you out?
36:36I'm grateful you didn't let them do that.
36:38Why? Why, what... what do you find here?
36:45Belonging. And... and sometimes that peace you talked of.
36:51Peace. Belonging.
36:58Good.
37:21You knew, didn't you? The... Sanctuary comment was you, guiding me.
37:30I am a... guide.
37:34You knew I didn't fit here anymore.
37:38I did not.
37:41I just wanted you to think how this made you feel.
37:45How being here again made you feel.
37:47I want it...
37:49I want it...
37:50To be home.
37:52To be home.
37:52But it's not.
37:55I think...
37:58I feel...
38:00That staying here...
38:02Would be cowardice.
38:07This...
38:10This just isn't the life for me anymore.
38:13Do you know what you will do?
38:15No.
38:18Are you going to him?
38:21No.
38:23It's not about that.
38:27I'm not sure it was ever about that.
38:32I have to...
38:33I have to...
38:35I have to find...
38:36A new answer.
38:40A new peace.
38:45You are not a coward, Anna.
38:48No.
38:50I'm a...
38:52An unemployed, largely uneducated, middle-aged woman.
38:57I know.
38:59But I do know a huge amount about the Bible.
39:05I have loved sharing your home.
39:09God's home.
39:12And I...
39:13I do love God.
39:16I know.
39:21The last time I...
39:22I left in panic.
39:26But this time...
39:28This time...
39:30I mean it.
39:37But I have loved you.
39:43I love you.
39:48And I have felt your love.
39:52And I hope you have felt mine.
39:53It's a pain.
39:54It is...
40:07I hope you have been a dreamer...
40:11It's a pain.
40:16It's a pain...
40:19It's a pain.
40:21It's a pain.
40:23I have no pain.
40:23I don't know.
40:58I don't know.
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