Watch Mo Gilligan In the Moment () free Full Movie HD Online 2026

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Transcript

00:00:53I took this tour absolutely everywhere.

00:00:56I was in the height of doing television.

00:00:57It was calling me Mr. Saturday Night.

00:00:59And I said, you know what?

00:01:00I want to do a world tour.

00:01:02Not for myself, but I wanted to put black British comedy on the map.

00:01:06That was always the plan.

00:01:07That was always the goal.

00:01:09And I said, you know what?

00:01:11Let's end it in London, but not anywhere in London.

00:01:14We had to end it in South London.

00:01:16So South London, make some noise!

00:01:24I wanted to see the world, because black people, we go on holidays, but we do not travel.

00:01:29I remember telling my teacher for the first time, I said, miss, guess what?

00:01:33This summer, I'm going on holiday.

00:01:35This middle class teacher couldn't believe her mind.

00:01:37She goes, what?

00:01:38You're going on holiday?

00:01:40Doesn't make sense.

00:01:41You're on free school dinners.

00:01:42How was this possible?

00:01:45You're on child benefit.

00:01:46What's going on?

00:01:48And the reason why there's a difference, yeah?

00:01:50Because growing up, right, we didn't go traveling.

00:01:53I had middle class friends.

00:01:54They would go traveling.

00:01:56Their parents would say, Mo, we're going traveling.

00:01:58You should come with us.

00:02:00I said, what?

00:02:01So I couldn't look like your black adopted child?

00:02:02Are you all right, bro?

00:02:05Because we all know the black experience of our first holiday, it's not one of these all-inclusive

00:02:09holidays.

00:02:10It's not going to Ayah Napa, Ibiza.

00:02:12Our first experience of going on holiday is going to see where the rest of our family

00:02:16is really from in a hot climate before they die.

00:02:19That's the reason why we go on these holidays, yeah?

00:02:23I said, miss, guess where I'm going?

00:02:25I'm going to the Caribbean.

00:02:26She goes, oh my God, children, put your pens down right now.

00:02:30Can anyone guess where that is?

00:02:33Holly, six years old, Africa.

00:02:35I said, are you having a fucking love?

00:02:38The teacher said, no, no, no, Holly, not that one.

00:02:40The other one, yes.

00:02:42People, I was so excited.

00:02:44You know, six weeks holiday, you know, and I'm going to visit my great, great grandma,

00:02:48yeah?

00:02:48I thought, wow, I wonder what the house is like.

00:02:50It's going to be a big house, you know, loads of land, probably a plantation.

00:02:53We've got our own workers, yeah?

00:02:56We turn up to this little fucking shack house.

00:03:02No wildlife.

00:03:02Nah, bruv, there's no wildlife.

00:03:04There's a little dusty goat, long nipples.

00:03:08Trying to talk to the goat.

00:03:09I'm like, hello, Mr. Goat.

00:03:10Even the goat's got rude little Jamaican attitude.

00:03:13Even the goat, Miss Emia.

00:03:15Miss Emia.

00:03:17And we all know what the rule was, wasn't it?

00:03:19When you get there, your mum says, don't ask for nothing, don't say nothing, don't do nothing.

00:03:23And I'm sitting there.

00:03:24This is my great, great grandma.

00:03:25I want to ask a question, you know, because that's what you do as kids.

00:03:28Kids ask questions.

00:03:29Some of you lot, it's on a half term.

00:03:31Your kids are asking you questions.

00:03:32Mummy, what's in space?

00:03:33You ever look at your kids and say, shut the fuck up, man.

00:03:35Shut up, man.

00:03:37But that's what you do as a child.

00:03:38You want to ask questions.

00:03:39I said, I'm going to ask a question.

00:03:41I said, great grandma, how old are you, right?

00:03:43Because we never knew how old she was.

00:03:45She got no papers.

00:03:46We didn't know if she was 85 or 85,000 years old.

00:03:49We don't know how old this woman is.

00:03:51I said, how old are you?

00:03:53This poor woman started malfunctioning, people.

00:03:55She's like, well, um, well, um, well, um, well, um, all right, well, um, okay.

00:04:00Well, I was born in, I was born.

00:04:01It sounded like an intro of a dance hall video.

00:04:03Well, I was born in, born in, born in.

00:04:05Well, um, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, this poor lady.

00:04:10I was like, no, no, just say it.

00:04:11What was the, what was the, what was the year?

00:04:13This woman, well, um, I was born in 19, um, 19, um, okay.

00:04:18What is, you is 20, all right, where's, born in, yes, 19, 19, 21, 19, 21.

00:04:26Who did you go to fucking school with, Harriet Tubman?

00:04:29You are old.

00:04:31I can't lie, I looked at my mum, I was like, mum, let's get the fuck out of here, man.

00:04:34There's no money here, let's get the fuck out of here, man.

00:04:38My mum was like, no, no, no, it's all right, it's okay.

00:04:41You can play with your cousin.

00:04:42My cousin?

00:04:43Mum, this guy's fucking 46, I can't play with this guy.

00:04:47If you go to the beach, you'll look like a sex offender, mum, I can't.

00:04:52We don't do no activities when we go on holiday.

00:04:54I've got some friends, they're trying to do activities, right.

00:04:57There's some activities we don't do in the black community, yeah.

00:04:59I remember teachers saying to me, you all, when you get there, go, go surfing.

00:05:03Surfing?

00:05:04Surfing?

00:05:05Black people just about put their feet in the water, yeah.

00:05:09We'll put a toe in and go, yeah, that's me, darling, I'm all right, yeah.

00:05:13Nah, bruv, there's something in there, rude, but there's something in there, bruv.

00:05:17Don't get me wrong, like, I love travelling, but I don't like airports.

00:05:20Because you know what airports are like.

00:05:21Airports are horrible, especially when you get to this, you know, security, yeah.

00:05:24Because in the UK, we have this weird passive-aggressive politeness with our security.

00:05:29Excuse me, sir, please can you stand there, on the spot, thank you.

00:05:33You ever look at these people like, are you being nice or are you taking a piss?

00:05:36Who are you talking to?

00:05:37And we follow the rules, that's what we do, we stand on the spot.

00:05:40Okay, um, but we have to give it back.

00:05:42We always lack the last word in the UK.

00:05:44Um, okay, um, well, I'm sorry, I didn't see the sign to stand there.

00:05:48My bad.

00:05:50And this person will give it back.

00:05:52Well, next time you come to the airport, the sign will be over there.

00:05:55No, thank you.

00:05:56You're just going back and forth with this weird British passive-aggressive politeness.

00:06:01Because we all know, right, the rule in the UK is don't cause drama.

00:06:06Nobody wants to be causing drama, right?

00:06:08Because we all see some drama.

00:06:10I see it in the shops.

00:06:11I see people stealing lure pack.

00:06:13I'm just like, rah, you lot are stealing butter.

00:06:15Is that where we're at now?

00:06:16Yeah?

00:06:17I can't lie, I find that sensational.

00:06:19Because we all look until someone sees us looking,

00:06:21what are you fucking looking at?

00:06:25Nothing, I'm not looking at anything.

00:06:29It's funny, some of you lot in here tonight,

00:06:30I can't lie, bruv, that butter's expensive, Rubai.

00:06:32I just steal that butter, bruv.

00:06:35We're not all doing ITV, bruv.

00:06:37What are you talking about, bruv?

00:06:38Some of you lot putting stalk on toast.

00:06:41Disgusting.

00:06:44There was a part of me that wanted to leave the UK.

00:06:46I did, man.

00:06:47I wanted to leave the UK,

00:06:48and I wanted to go and live in America.

00:06:50I really did, man.

00:06:51You know what I mean?

00:06:52Look at some people.

00:06:52Uh-uh, right, bruv.

00:06:53You're just going to desert us, yeah.

00:06:55But what I mean by that is Hollywood, yeah?

00:06:58Because you've got America and you've got Hollywood.

00:07:00Two different places.

00:07:02Because obviously, the industry that I'm in, yeah?

00:07:04Doing stand-up comedy,

00:07:06getting into film and all of this stuff,

00:07:08television,

00:07:08that's where you really want to go to.

00:07:10And they put you on a pedestal.

00:07:12They do.

00:07:12We don't do that stuff in the UK.

00:07:14We treat everybody how they are.

00:07:16We can see a soap star.

00:07:17Ian Bill could be in this room tonight.

00:07:20We're going to call this man Ian fucking Bill.

00:07:22We are, aren't we?

00:07:24We'll even go up to him.

00:07:25Oi!

00:07:25I know you.

00:07:26You're Ian Bill.

00:07:29This poor man, he will even say,

00:07:30yeah, yeah, I am.

00:07:31Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:07:32Yeah.

00:07:33Brits, our first thing,

00:07:34our first interaction is banning.

00:07:36Oi!

00:07:37Ian!

00:07:37Do you remember this?

00:07:38Ian!

00:07:39Ian!

00:07:39I've got nothing left.

00:07:41This...

00:07:45That's the first thing we're going to do as Brits, man.

00:07:49America's different.

00:07:51They don't even understand the word banter

00:07:52when I was over there.

00:07:54Like, even their airport security,

00:07:55they don't fuck around, yeah?

00:07:57Their airport security is called TSA, yeah?

00:08:00There was a guy walking up and down the queue

00:08:02telling the other one,

00:08:03all right,

00:08:04y'all better listen up.

00:08:07Liquids out your bag.

00:08:10Belts off!

00:08:11Shoes off!

00:08:12He went up to one old lady,

00:08:1380 years old,

00:08:14she's like,

00:08:14oh, I don't know.

00:08:15You holding up the line, man!

00:08:19I thought,

00:08:20I'm not scared of this guy, yeah?

00:08:21That's the first thing, you know,

00:08:22we're from South London,

00:08:23South London to the world, bruh,

00:08:25what do you mean?

00:08:25I thought I can...

00:08:27Listen, I thought I could disarm this guy

00:08:28with British charm, yeah?

00:08:30I said to this man,

00:08:31sorry, excuse me, sir, yeah?

00:08:33Because I put on my fantastic British accent,

00:08:35excuse me, sir,

00:08:36can I ask you something?

00:08:37Shall I take off this bracelet?

00:08:38I just don't want it to set off

00:08:39the metal detector, yeah?

00:08:41This one guy looked at me,

00:08:42he was like...

00:08:48Belt off.

00:08:50Shoes off.

00:08:52iPad in the tray.

00:09:01No, no, what I'm saying is,

00:09:02shall I take off the bracelet

00:09:04so it don't set off

00:09:05the metal detector?

00:09:06This one guy lost it.

00:09:08My man!

00:09:11I ain't gonna say it again

00:09:13for you Harry Potter motherfuckers!

00:09:17I've never been more disrespected in my life.

00:09:21I turned into a middle-class white lady

00:09:24in Waitrose, people.

00:09:25I don't think you realise.

00:09:26I started using words

00:09:28that black people don't even use.

00:09:29I was like, what?

00:09:30This is...

00:09:30This is preposterous.

00:09:36Listen, black people don't use

00:09:38no fucking words like preposterous, you know?

00:09:40There's some blabby we're in here right now.

00:09:42What did he say, hippopotamus?

00:09:43What's that one, brother?

00:09:45Hey, Leon, write that one down, bruv.

00:09:47We don't use this.

00:09:49Listen, no one in this room

00:09:50has ever watched the episode of Top Boy

00:09:52and, like, Duchesne's like,

00:09:53there's the drugs and sides.

00:09:54That's not enough.

00:09:55That's preposterous.

00:09:55We can't sell all of this.

00:09:59But I did, people.

00:10:01I wanted to move to America.

00:10:02You get special treatment.

00:10:04Treatment that I'm not even used to, right?

00:10:06Because our black British actors

00:10:07are doing fantastic out there.

00:10:08You know, Daniel Kaluuya, man,

00:10:10doing fantastic, winning Oscars.

00:10:12You know, dancing Idris.

00:10:14Cynthia Erivo.

00:10:15The list goes on and on.

00:10:17So when you're a black Brit, people,

00:10:19and you go to Hollywood,

00:10:20you get this weird special treatment, right?

00:10:22I'll give you an example, yeah?

00:10:23Listen to the time codes

00:10:24that I'm about to give you, right?

00:10:26I fly out there on Wednesday

00:10:28to film a television show.

00:10:30I fly out there Wednesday morning.

00:10:31I land, right?

00:10:33Their time, Wednesday afternoon.

00:10:35As soon as I land,

00:10:36I've got six missed calls, right?

00:10:37I call this American number back.

00:10:39Someone panicking.

00:10:40Oh, my God, Mo Gilligan.

00:10:43Listen, we've got to get you to set

00:10:44tomorrow at 6 a.m.

00:10:46Is that okay?

00:10:47I said, that's fine.

00:10:48That's okay, right?

00:10:49Thursday morning, I get to set, right?

00:10:51The CEO, listen to this.

00:10:53The CEO of the network

00:10:55comes down to set.

00:10:56Everyone is panicking.

00:10:58Now, my mom always said to me,

00:10:59be your authentic self.

00:11:01Treat people how you like to be treated, right?

00:11:04He came straight up to me.

00:11:05I don't know if it was intimidation.

00:11:07He was like, hey, oh, my God.

00:11:08Wow, Mo Gilligan.

00:11:10Wow, big fan.

00:11:11I said, yes.

00:11:12What are you saying, bruv?

00:11:13Nice to meet you, bruv.

00:11:14You know?

00:11:15This guy was like, oh, my God.

00:11:16We're so pleased to have you here.

00:11:18Let me ask you, Mo Gilligan.

00:11:20How are you finding your time here?

00:11:21I said, listen, man.

00:11:22It's a long way from home.

00:11:24Obviously, man, the flight was a bit long,

00:11:26but it's okay, man.

00:11:27You know, missing some of the mandem,

00:11:28but that is what it is, you know?

00:11:30Hear this guy.

00:11:30Oh, my God.

00:11:32Oh, my God.

00:11:32Olivia, come over here.

00:11:33That was the assistant.

00:11:34Olivia, come over there.

00:11:35Oh, my God.

00:11:36Listen to this.

00:11:37He's missing his French madame.

00:11:41I said, no.

00:11:42Demand him.

00:11:43Just my friends.

00:11:44Do you know what I mean?

00:11:45I said, I'm just, because obviously,

00:11:46it's just a WhatsApp banter with the time.

00:11:48That's all it is.

00:11:49Do you know what I mean?

00:11:50This guy got so concerned.

00:11:51Oh, my God.

00:11:52Oh, my God.

00:11:53Oh, my God.

00:11:53Olivia, why didn't we know about the,

00:11:55what are you missing?

00:11:56Just the banter.

00:11:57We got to get some banter.

00:11:58Okay.

00:12:00I didn't know about this,

00:12:01Mo Gilligan.

00:12:01Okay.

00:12:02All right.

00:12:02What are we going to do?

00:12:03How about this?

00:12:04It's not a big gesture,

00:12:05but how about if we fly out

00:12:08five of your closest friends

00:12:09tomorrow night

00:12:10so they can bring you the banter?

00:12:11Is that okay?

00:12:12Is that all right?

00:12:14People, I don't think you realized

00:12:17I grew up in a council estate.

00:12:18Fly over my friends in 24 hours.

00:12:22I looked at this man.

00:12:23I felt like saying,

00:12:23bruv, forget them, bruv.

00:12:25Give me the money.

00:12:25Do you think I care?

00:12:29You think I care about emotional support?

00:12:34But apparently you can't say that.

00:12:35It's not professional.

00:12:36So we flew out my friends.

00:12:3824 hours later,

00:12:39I go pick up my friends.

00:12:40They ain't even got a clue what's going on.

00:12:42My friends are like,

00:12:42hey, bruv, what's going on, bruv?

00:12:45One of my friends couldn't believe it.

00:12:47He's like,

00:12:47bruv, LA, bruv.

00:12:48This looks like Grand Theft Auto, Ruben.

00:12:52I said, listen, man,

00:12:53we've just got to go and say thank you.

00:12:54That's the least we could do, right?

00:12:56So we went to his office.

00:12:57I was like, look,

00:12:57these are the guys

00:12:58we just wanted to say thank you, right?

00:13:00This guy couldn't believe we'd even done this.

00:13:02Oh, my God.

00:13:03Wow.

00:13:03Oh, my God, Mo Gilligan.

00:13:04These are the man-them.

00:13:06Wow.

00:13:07Oh, my God.

00:13:08Oh, my God.

00:13:09Oh, my God.

00:13:09It's like top boy.

00:13:10Mo, let me ask you.

00:13:13Mo, what's the plan?

00:13:15How do you plan to get

00:13:16you and your man-them

00:13:17to set tomorrow morning?

00:13:19I said, I don't know.

00:13:20I said, listen, it's all right.

00:13:21You've done enough.

00:13:21We can just jump in an Uber

00:13:22and that's fine.

00:13:23Don't worry about it.

00:13:24Hey, this guy.

00:13:25An Uber?

00:13:26Ew.

00:13:27Oh, my God.

00:13:28Oh, no.

00:13:29I said, what do you mean?

00:13:29He said, listen, Mo Gilligan,

00:13:31listen, you're in Hollywood now, okay?

00:13:32You've got to think and feel

00:13:34like you're in Hollywood.

00:13:35I said, what does that mean?

00:13:36He goes, listen, Mo Gilligan,

00:13:37listen, we're going to get

00:13:38you a driver, okay?

00:13:39Anywhere you want to go,

00:13:40you've got your own

00:13:41personal driver.

00:13:42I said, what?

00:13:43Are you sure?

00:13:44Are you being serious?

00:13:45He goes, listen,

00:13:46anything for these guys

00:13:47from Summer House, okay?

00:13:48All right.

00:13:49All right.

00:13:50Okay.

00:13:52All right.

00:13:52Okay.

00:13:53All right.

00:13:54So we got me a driver, people.

00:13:56I've never had a driver

00:13:57in my life.

00:13:59We had this driver.

00:14:00His name was called DJ, right?

00:14:01He turned up, tie, suit,

00:14:04shoes, shiny,

00:14:05seething the trousers.

00:14:06This guy wasn't even much

00:14:07older than me.

00:14:08He was only like two,

00:14:09three years older than me.

00:14:10Opened the door for me

00:14:10when I first met him.

00:14:11He goes, hey, what's going on, boss?

00:14:13Where you want to go first, boss?

00:14:14Want to go see the sights, boss?

00:14:16Want to go get a coffee?

00:14:17What about first, boss?

00:14:18What about the gym, boss?

00:14:19What do you want to do first, boss?

00:14:20I said, wait, bro, wait, wait, wait,

00:14:22wait, wait, wait, wait.

00:14:22Stop calling me boss, okay?

00:14:24Listen, you're free now.

00:14:25I don't know what happened

00:14:28before I got here, okay?

00:14:30But listen, you're one of them and them now.

00:14:32You're one of the guys, right?

00:14:33I said, listen, DJ,

00:14:35where can we go?

00:14:36Some of these guys, you know,

00:14:37listen, they just have normal nine to fives.

00:14:39Where can we go out?

00:14:40You know, DJ goes to me,

00:14:41don't worry, man,

00:14:42I know someone, right?

00:14:43He got on his phone.

00:14:44He was like, mm-hmm, yeah, yeah.

00:14:50Yeah, they like British dudes, yeah, yeah.

00:14:54No, not God and Ramsey, no, no.

00:14:57They like, uh,

00:14:59they like Idris Elba ass motherfuckers, yeah.

00:15:02Okay, okay, all right, bet.

00:15:04So he puts the phone down.

00:15:05So I'm like, DJ, what's going on?

00:15:06Who did you call?

00:15:07DJ said to me, listen, man,

00:15:09I just gave your number

00:15:10to the hottest promoter in Hollywood.

00:15:12He gonna text you right now.

00:15:14I said, all right, cool.

00:15:15So people, I get this text from the promoter.

00:15:17The first thing the promoter says to me,

00:15:19he goes, hey, what up, man?

00:15:20I need a name for the table.

00:15:22So I was like, all right, cool.

00:15:23Sent my name, Mo Gilligan.

00:15:25Right?

00:15:26So I sent my, thank you.

00:15:28I do my own stunts.

00:15:29Appreciate you.

00:15:29Thank you so much.

00:15:33Jackie Chan could never.

00:15:36So I sent my name, right?

00:15:37Now listen to this, people.

00:15:38He then replies back

00:15:39with nothing but fire emojis, yeah?

00:15:45So I showed the guys.

00:15:46I'm like, guys, I'm a bit confused, yeah?

00:15:47One of my friends gassed me.

00:15:49Yo, bruv, you're international, bruv.

00:15:50Nah, bruv, he knows, bruv.

00:15:52Then he replies back again.

00:15:53He goes, nah, wait, you lying.

00:15:56This ain't no Mo Gilligan.

00:15:57I said, whoa, uh, I said, bro,

00:15:59what Mo do you think I am, bro?

00:16:01Who do you think I am?

00:16:02Mo Farah, Mo Salah.

00:16:03What Mo have you mixed me up with?

00:16:05He goes, nah, man,

00:16:07this ain't the British black comic Mo Gilligan.

00:16:09I can't lie, people.

00:16:10I was like, am I that well-known out here?

00:16:12Yeah?

00:16:12He then replies again, nah, you lying.

00:16:14Tables off.

00:16:15I said, bruv, phone me now.

00:16:16I got very defensive.

00:16:18Extremely South London.

00:16:19I said, phone me now then, bruv.

00:16:20This guy phoned me.

00:16:21I picked up the phone.

00:16:22Very hostile.

00:16:23I said, yo, hear this guy.

00:16:25He's like, my man, Mo Gilligan.

00:16:32Why didn't you just tell me you was in L.A.?

00:16:39I didn't have your number to call in,

00:16:41so I didn't know, man.

00:16:43He said, listen, man,

00:16:44you come down to the club whenever you want.

00:16:47Puts the phone down.

00:16:47Me and the guys are very confused.

00:16:49We get dressed.

00:16:50We drive to this club.

00:16:51And people, everybody's outside.

00:16:53There's rappers outside.

00:16:55You've got NBA players outside.

00:16:57There's even drug dealers outside.

00:16:58Everybody is outside trying to get in.

00:17:01I thought, listen,

00:17:01how are me and my five friends

00:17:03going to get in this club?

00:17:04We just, we, this,

00:17:05I said, listen, what's the protocol?

00:17:07You're like, could you just

00:17:08park across the side of the road?

00:17:09How does this work?

00:17:10Do you know what I mean?

00:17:10Are we going to go in?

00:17:11Are you going to go and get some food?

00:17:12Maybe come back?

00:17:13Should I text you?

00:17:14DJ said to me, he goes,

00:17:15listen, man, I'm going to be out here

00:17:17waiting all night.

00:17:19I said, what?

00:17:19So if we go in there

00:17:20and have the time of our life,

00:17:22you're telling me

00:17:22you're going to be waiting here.

00:17:24DJ said to me, yeah, man, all night.

00:17:26I can't lie, people.

00:17:27I felt so bad for this guy.

00:17:29Not my friends, on the other hand.

00:17:30All right, bye.

00:17:31Take care.

00:17:31Let's go.

00:17:32Fuck this guy.

00:17:32Let's go.

00:17:34I said, you know what, DJ?

00:17:35I said, listen, come out with us, man.

00:17:37It's the least we can do.

00:17:38DJ, you sure, boss?

00:17:39I can come out with you?

00:17:40You sure, boss?

00:17:41You mean that?

00:17:42I said, bro, stop calling me boss.

00:17:44This is not Django.

00:17:44Come out.

00:17:45You're one of the guys now.

00:17:46Okay?

00:17:47So we walk up to the club.

00:17:49We're outside.

00:17:49Everyone's outside trying to get in.

00:17:51I thought, how are me,

00:17:52my five friends from London

00:17:54and a driver going to get into this club

00:17:55with the caliber of people

00:17:57already trying to get in?

00:17:58I thought, you know what?

00:17:59I'm going to spare myself the embarrassment.

00:18:01Let me text the promoter.

00:18:02And I said, listen,

00:18:03thank you so much

00:18:04for organizing this table

00:18:06at such short notice.

00:18:07But me and the guys

00:18:08are going to leave it,

00:18:09grab a drink around the corner.

00:18:10See you.

00:18:11Sent this text.

00:18:13People, I promise you,

00:18:15I swear to you,

00:18:15on my mother's life, yeah?

00:18:17She's standing up there.

00:18:20If I'm lying,

00:18:21out of nowhere,

00:18:21she'll go,

00:18:22yo, what the blood fire are, dude?

00:18:25I sent this text, people.

00:18:27And then all you could hear

00:18:28was a voice

00:18:29from the front of the club

00:18:31go, hey!

00:18:33Hey!

00:18:35Everyone, back up!

00:18:38Mo Gilligan coming through.

00:18:41People, for the first time

00:18:42in my life,

00:18:43I was like,

00:18:43bro, there's two more

00:18:44Gilligans in here tonight.

00:18:45What are the chances

00:18:47of that?

00:18:48One of my boys

00:18:48does that thing

00:18:49where he pokes me in the side.

00:18:50He's like,

00:18:51brother, that's you.

00:18:51He pokes me in the side.

00:18:52I'm mad ticklish.

00:18:53So I was like,

00:18:53ah!

00:18:54I said,

00:18:54brother, don't do that, bro.

00:18:55I'm trying to be cool.

00:18:57So we start walking

00:18:58towards the queue.

00:18:59Now, the weirdest thing happened.

00:19:00As we start walking

00:19:01to the queue,

00:19:02people start partying

00:19:03like I was flipping Moses, right?

00:19:05And I'm walking.

00:19:06And as I get walking,

00:19:07I'm closer.

00:19:08I've got all the guys

00:19:09behind me.

00:19:10All my friends are like,

00:19:10what?

00:19:11What?

00:19:11Is that you, yeah?

00:19:12Is that you, yeah?

00:19:12I'm like,

00:19:13you man, chill, man.

00:19:13You man, chill, man.

00:19:14We're not there yet, man.

00:19:14You man, chill.

00:19:15We get closer.

00:19:16I can hear these girls

00:19:17in the queue

00:19:18saying stuff.

00:19:19Oh, my God.

00:19:20I know who that is.

00:19:20I'm like,

00:19:21stop lying.

00:19:21You know,

00:19:21Gogglebox in LA.

00:19:22Shut up, man.

00:19:24Please, man.

00:19:25Then there was

00:19:26this 6'7 NBA player,

00:19:28right?

00:19:28He's in my way.

00:19:29So I'm being extremely humble.

00:19:30I'm like,

00:19:30sorry, my God.

00:19:31That's me.

00:19:32Just trying to come through.

00:19:33Sorry, excuse me, bro.

00:19:33This guy was pretending

00:19:34like he couldn't hear

00:19:35or see me.

00:19:36I don't know who that is.

00:19:38So I was like,

00:19:38sorry, bro,

00:19:38excuse me,

00:19:39excuse me,

00:19:39trying to come.

00:19:40So I don't know who that is.

00:19:41Then I look at the promoter,

00:19:42he's like,

00:19:42come on.

00:19:43I said,

00:19:43I can't.

00:19:43I've got this guy in the way.

00:19:44Here's the promoter.

00:19:45Hey, you.

00:19:46Back up.

00:19:49That's Mo Gilligan

00:19:50coming through.

00:19:52People,

00:19:52let me tell you something.

00:19:53I walk past this guy

00:19:53like I thought I was LeBron James

00:19:55and I was like,

00:19:56coming through, bro.

00:19:59Coming through, bro.

00:20:00We get to the front.

00:20:01They take off the thing.

00:20:02Ching.

00:20:03We go through.

00:20:04We didn't get searched.

00:20:05We didn't get searched.

00:20:06Yeah.

00:20:07One of my boys were like,

00:20:08bro,

00:20:08I've got a bag of weed

00:20:09in my bum.

00:20:09I was like,

00:20:09bro,

00:20:09shh.

00:20:13Then as we get through,

00:20:14we hear someone say,

00:20:15hey,

00:20:15hey.

00:20:16I'm thinking,

00:20:16oh,

00:20:16we're going to get turfed,

00:20:17right?

00:20:17The manager came out.

00:20:19The manager came out.

00:20:20He was like,

00:20:20oh my God,

00:20:21Mo Gilligan.

00:20:22Oh my God.

00:20:22What a pleasure it is

00:20:23to have you in my venue.

00:20:25Thank you so much

00:20:26for choosing my club.

00:20:27I just need two things

00:20:28before you guys enter.

00:20:29I just need a credit card,

00:20:30an ID.

00:20:31Is that okay?

00:20:32Oh my God.

00:20:33I said,

00:20:33you man,

00:20:33don't worry,

00:20:33it's on me tonight.

00:20:34Give him a credit card,

00:20:35gave him an ID.

00:20:36Now people,

00:20:37the problem in Hollywood

00:20:38is people just want

00:20:39to have a connection with you

00:20:40because they hear

00:20:41where you're from.

00:20:42Yeah?

00:20:43Sometimes they'll say things

00:20:43that don't make any sense.

00:20:45The club owner said to me,

00:20:46oh my God,

00:20:47wait.

00:20:47Oh my God.

00:20:48Oh my God.

00:20:48You guys are from London,

00:20:49right?

00:20:50I said,

00:20:50yeah,

00:20:50man,

00:20:50we're from London,

00:20:51man.

00:20:51Hey,

00:20:51this guy.

00:20:51Oh my God.

00:20:52That's insane.

00:20:53Me and my wife went to

00:20:55Barcelona last year.

00:20:56Yeah.

00:20:57Yeah.

00:20:58Yeah.

00:20:58One of my boys,

00:20:59that's not even fucking,

00:21:00yeah,

00:21:01yeah,

00:21:02yeah.

00:21:03Then we get escorted

00:21:04into the club,

00:21:05people,

00:21:05right?

00:21:05We go to our section.

00:21:07I see some other guys

00:21:08from London.

00:21:08They notice me.

00:21:09They're like,

00:21:10what?

00:21:11Man like more,

00:21:11yeah?

00:21:12Okay.

00:21:12What?

00:21:12Is that what you're doing?

00:21:13I can't lie,

00:21:14people.

00:21:14I got a little bit of gas.

00:21:15I said,

00:21:15allow me,

00:21:16bro.

00:21:16Allow me,

00:21:16bro.

00:21:17Allow me,

00:21:17bro.

00:21:17Allow me,

00:21:18bro.

00:21:18I said,

00:21:18listen,

00:21:19guys,

00:21:19listen,

00:21:19I've got my own table.

00:21:20Come follow me.

00:21:21They said,

00:21:21you sure?

00:21:21I said,

00:21:22come man.

00:21:22So we go to this section,

00:21:24people,

00:21:24right?

00:21:24And the section was tight.

00:21:25It wasn't a big section,

00:21:26my friend.

00:21:27It was so tight.

00:21:28You had 12 black guys

00:21:29in this small section

00:21:30trying to dance.

00:21:31All our elbows,

00:21:33all our arms are touching.

00:21:35But I thought,

00:21:35you know what?

00:21:35This is okay.

00:21:36If I died tonight

00:21:37being in Hollywood

00:21:38with my friends,

00:21:39I'll be a happy man,

00:21:40right?

00:21:40Then the promoter

00:21:41came up to me.

00:21:42He goes,

00:21:42ha,

00:21:43my man,

00:21:44Mo Gilligan.

00:21:45What's going on?

00:21:46I said,

00:21:46listen,

00:21:46thank you so much,

00:21:47man.

00:21:47Listen,

00:21:48I really appreciate

00:21:48what you've organized

00:21:51and thank you so much,

00:21:52man.

00:21:52You know,

00:21:53he goes,

00:21:53hey,

00:21:53how you finding it?

00:21:54I said,

00:21:54no,

00:21:54I'm finding it great,

00:21:55man.

00:21:55I said,

00:21:55listen,

00:21:56it's a little bit tight

00:21:57in there,

00:21:57but it is what it is.

00:21:58What?

00:22:00I said,

00:22:01no,

00:22:01it's a little bit tight

00:22:01in there,

00:22:02but it is what it is.

00:22:03What?

00:22:03Nah,

00:22:04fuck that.

00:22:05Only the best for you.

00:22:07Follow me.

00:22:07So he starts walking

00:22:08through the club,

00:22:08pushing people out the way.

00:22:10One of my boys was like,

00:22:11bro,

00:22:11who does he think you are?

00:22:12I said,

00:22:12I don't know,

00:22:12Muhammad Ali.

00:22:13I don't know what

00:22:14is going on here tonight,

00:22:15right?

00:22:17Then we get this other section,

00:22:19people.

00:22:19This is like a VVVIP section,

00:22:22right?

00:22:22We get this section.

00:22:23Now,

00:22:23this is why I say,

00:22:25Hollywood is a crazy place

00:22:26because there was this one man,

00:22:28right?

00:22:29And he was with about eight women

00:22:31and the promoter goes up to him,

00:22:32he's like,

00:22:32hey,

00:22:33my man,

00:22:33so sorry,

00:22:34but you got to move.

00:22:35Yeah?

00:22:36This guy obviously lost his shit.

00:22:38He's like,

00:22:38what you mean I got to move?

00:22:39What you mean I got to move?

00:22:40Who the fuck are you?

00:22:41Poop,

00:22:42poop,

00:22:43poop.

00:22:43Every time he kept saying it,

00:22:44it felt like it was a person,

00:22:45or a bullet to my ego.

00:22:46Who the fuck is you?

00:22:47Poop,

00:22:48poop,

00:22:48poop.

00:22:49I looked at him,

00:22:50he looked at me,

00:22:50I was like,

00:22:51um,

00:22:57have you seen the mass thing on UK?

00:22:59No.

00:23:01No,

00:23:01no.

00:23:03Then the promoter said,

00:23:04listen man,

00:23:04I got my best bottle girl Liberty,

00:23:07she gonna look after y'all,

00:23:08right?

00:23:09So Liberty comes over people,

00:23:10right?

00:23:10This woman was about six foot,

00:23:13right?

00:23:13She looked like a Victoria's Secret model.

00:23:15She was wearing a corset,

00:23:17five high boots,

00:23:18and a G-string,

00:23:19yeah?

00:23:20Did you just hear what I just said?

00:23:22A corset,

00:23:23five high boots,

00:23:24and a G-string in the club,

00:23:26yeah?

00:23:26So that means,

00:23:27if she put her leg out anywhere,

00:23:29bow,

00:23:29flap,

00:23:30sillip bang,

00:23:30and the flap's out.

00:23:31I don't think you lot realise what I'm saying.

00:23:35This ain't when you lot used to go clubbing back in the day,

00:23:38you had a girl in Tiger Tiger Bin,

00:23:39you're right guys,

00:23:40you want some shorts,

00:23:40you want some Yager bombs,

00:23:41no?

00:23:42Show me,

00:23:42you want some Yager bombs,

00:23:43right?

00:23:45This woman comes up to me,

00:23:46right?

00:23:47With a list.

00:23:48She goes,

00:23:48hey,

00:23:49oh my God,

00:23:49hey,

00:23:50oh my God,

00:23:50what's going on,

00:23:51Moagilly?

00:23:52I was like,

00:23:53who's that,

00:23:54bruh?

00:23:55She goes,

00:23:56oh my God,

00:23:56you guys must be so thirsty,

00:23:57let's get you some beverages.

00:23:58Oh my God.

00:23:59So people,

00:24:00I open up the menu,

00:24:01the menu lights up,

00:24:02it's a digital menu,

00:24:03it's got all the prices there,

00:24:04I'm looking at all the prices,

00:24:05right?

00:24:06And as I'm looking at the menu,

00:24:09the menu is looking back at me,

00:24:11right?

00:24:13Now,

00:24:13I'm not going to sit here in front of 15,000 people,

00:24:16right?

00:24:16And pretend like I'm not doing all right for myself,

00:24:19but people,

00:24:19I promise you,

00:24:20I was looking at the price of these drinks,

00:24:23and I had to start asking questions.

00:24:25I even had to say to myself,

00:24:26am I investing stock in these alcohol brands?

00:24:29Because what the hell are these prices?

00:24:31I'm looking at my friends,

00:24:33none of my friends are looking at me,

00:24:34they all became architects.

00:24:35Rah,

00:24:36is that a chandelier up there?

00:24:39Rah,

00:24:39there's two chandeliers up there,

00:24:40you know,

00:24:40how did they get out there,

00:24:41bro?

00:24:42How did they get out there?

00:24:43I look at one of my friends,

00:24:45because we've all got a cheapskate friend,

00:24:46haven't we,

00:24:46guys?

00:24:47I said,

00:24:47Jav,

00:24:47look at that,

00:24:48look at the price of that.

00:24:49He looked at me,

00:24:50he was like,

00:24:50rah,

00:24:51you know how many bottles in Costco

00:24:53we could buy with that?

00:24:54What?

00:24:57So I had libish,

00:24:58I'm so sorry,

00:24:58Mel Gilly,

00:24:59I've got to rush you,

00:25:00I'm so sorry,

00:25:00I've got to rush you.

00:25:01I thought,

00:25:01you know,

00:25:01I've got no one to impress here,

00:25:03nobody knows me here in Hollywood.

00:25:05I said,

00:25:05it's fine,

00:25:06I've got the cheapest package on the list,

00:25:09yeah?

00:25:09Libby,

00:25:09he said to me,

00:25:10just to let you know how it works here,

00:25:11Mel Gilly,

00:25:12because this is our entry-level package.

00:25:14There's no lights,

00:25:15there's no show,

00:25:16there's no sparklers,

00:25:17there's no sign,

00:25:17is that okay?

00:25:18I said,

00:25:18it's fine,

00:25:19don't worry about it,

00:25:20man.

00:25:20She goes off,

00:25:21she comes back two minutes later

00:25:22with a bucket,

00:25:24right?

00:25:24A bucket,

00:25:25two bottles of champagne,

00:25:26a bottle of vodka,

00:25:27and a bottle of cognac.

00:25:28I thought,

00:25:29this is fine,

00:25:30people.

00:25:30Then I see the Hollywood lifestyle

00:25:32hit my friends first.

00:25:33One of my friends picked up a bottle of champagne,

00:25:35started offering it to girls

00:25:36like it was the last supper.

00:25:37Yeah,

00:25:38come,

00:25:38have some,

00:25:38have some.

00:25:39Yeah,

00:25:39no,

00:25:40no,

00:25:40have some,

00:25:40yeah,

00:25:41no,

00:25:42no,

00:25:42bring your friend,

00:25:43bring your friend,

00:25:43yeah,

00:25:44no,

00:25:44it's calm,

00:25:45it's calm.

00:25:45I swear to you people,

00:25:46I'm not even a cheapskate,

00:25:47but I was seeing every glass being poured

00:25:49and just counting them like,

00:25:50bro,

00:25:50that's at least $95 a glass right there.

00:25:54Should even drink the other half.

00:25:55Fuck it,

00:25:56let me put it back in the bowl.

00:25:58Put that back.

00:26:00But something said to myself,

00:26:02do you know what,

00:26:02Mo,

00:26:02let's enjoy,

00:26:03let's relax.

00:26:04These moments don't happen to people like me,

00:26:06let alone my friends,

00:26:07every day.

00:26:08So I did,

00:26:08I started to enjoy,

00:26:09right?

00:26:10Then,

00:26:10I've seen the NBA players get their package,

00:26:13and wow,

00:26:13what a sight it was.

00:26:15They had the sparklers,

00:26:16they had the whole show,

00:26:17they even had a sign.

00:26:18I've never seen a sign before in a club,

00:26:19right?

00:26:20Their bottle girl has a sign,

00:26:21but she's looking at us with the sign,

00:26:22she's like this,

00:26:23she's like,

00:26:24with their sign,

00:26:25right?

00:26:25So I'm thinking,

00:26:26wow,

00:26:26what does it say on the sign?

00:26:27Everyone on the dance floor is going,

00:26:29oh,

00:26:30wow.

00:26:31So I look at the sign,

00:26:33I think,

00:26:33what does the sign say,

00:26:34people?

00:26:34I look over at the sign,

00:26:35and it said,

00:26:36NBA boys are here,

00:26:38right?

00:26:38Do you know what it said just below?

00:26:39It said,

00:26:40broke London boys,

00:26:42catch up,

00:26:42right?

00:26:45So I'm thinking,

00:26:46it can't be us.

00:26:47It can't be us.

00:26:48We are not the broke London boys,

00:26:50right?

00:26:50And then the DJ went on the mic,

00:26:52he was like,

00:26:53man.

00:26:58They called out London.

00:27:01So you know they called out my man,

00:27:03Mo Gilligan over there.

00:27:06Listen,

00:27:07the whole club turned around,

00:27:08and looked at me.

00:27:10I was like,

00:27:11how dare you,

00:27:12bruv?

00:27:12I've been on Celebrity Bake Off.

00:27:13How dare you?

00:27:15I said,

00:27:16nah,

00:27:16man,

00:27:16forget that.

00:27:17I said,

00:27:17nah,

00:27:17let me get some more drinks.

00:27:19All the guys,

00:27:19nah,

00:27:20bro,

00:27:20don't do it.

00:27:20This is what they want.

00:27:21But always,

00:27:22you to spend more money.

00:27:23This is what they want.

00:27:24Black on black crime.

00:27:26This is what they want.

00:27:27I said,

00:27:28nah,

00:27:28I said,

00:27:28hold on,

00:27:29wait,

00:27:29where was this energy

00:27:30when you lot was looking at chandeliers

00:27:32and talking about Costco?

00:27:34I said,

00:27:34nah,

00:27:35forget that,

00:27:35man.

00:27:35Let me quickly,

00:27:36so I'm looking at the list,

00:27:37people.

00:27:38I'm trying to see what I can afford,

00:27:39what I can't afford,

00:27:40what I might have to move from the Monzo

00:27:41to the HSBC business account,

00:27:46when I'm going to spend too much,

00:27:47we're thinking,

00:27:48what can I sell tomorrow?

00:27:50How much can I get

00:27:51for a PS5 in CEX

00:27:53when I go back?

00:27:54These are the things we do

00:27:55when we know we're going to overspend,

00:27:57right?

00:27:57So I'm looking at it,

00:27:58trying to see what I can afford.

00:28:00Then,

00:28:00listen to this,

00:28:01the DJ goes back on the mic again.

00:28:03He goes,

00:28:04man.

00:28:08They called out London.

00:28:10Huh,

00:28:11huh,

00:28:12huh.

00:28:12What would Skepta say?

00:28:14Skepta?

00:28:16What the fuck has Skepta

00:28:17got to do with this?

00:28:18So now I'm under pressure,

00:28:20thinking,

00:28:20fucking,

00:28:20I'm going to be on LinkUp TV

00:28:21tomorrow morning.

00:28:23So I'm looking at the menu,

00:28:24I see one thing,

00:28:26all it was called,

00:28:26it was called Diamond Black Package,

00:28:28right?

00:28:28I said,

00:28:29give me this one.

00:28:30I get this one.

00:28:30It didn't have any price.

00:28:32It just said POA.

00:28:33I don't know what POA means,

00:28:35people.

00:28:35I'm dyslexic.

00:28:36I think it means

00:28:36poor on arrival.

00:28:37So this is the package we got,

00:28:39right?

00:28:40So Liberty goes off.

00:28:42Ten minutes.

00:28:43There's no bottles,

00:28:44there's no drinks,

00:28:44there's no sparklers.

00:28:45I'm thinking,

00:28:46wow,

00:28:46I've really been scammed here.

00:28:48Then out of nowhere,

00:28:49people,

00:28:49right?

00:28:50The DJ

00:28:51stopped the music

00:28:52in the club,

00:28:53right?

00:28:56Then,

00:28:56he turned off

00:28:57the lights in the club.

00:28:59Bow.

00:28:59All of the lights went out.

00:29:05Come on,

00:29:06you don't get two Netflix

00:29:06specials for nothing,

00:29:07bro.

00:29:12And he got on the mic,

00:29:13people.

00:29:14And he was like,

00:29:15man.

00:29:19They called out London.

00:29:23They called out Moe Gilligan.

00:29:25Moe Gilligan.

00:29:26Moe Gilligan.

00:29:27Moe Gilligan.

00:29:30But I didn't know.

00:29:31I didn't know.

00:29:32I didn't know.

00:29:33I didn't know.

00:29:34I didn't know.

00:29:35He didn't even have an echo machine

00:29:37on his deck.

00:29:37He was doing this with his mouth

00:29:38in the club.

00:29:40I didn't know.

00:29:41I didn't know.

00:29:42I didn't know.

00:29:43I didn't know.

00:29:44That he

00:29:45was gonna come back

00:29:47like this.

00:29:48Like this.

00:29:49Like this.

00:29:50Like this.

00:29:51Something like,

00:29:52fucking what, bruh?

00:29:56I look over at Libby.

00:29:57Libby's near the kitchen.

00:29:58I look over at Libby

00:29:59and I'm like,

00:30:00Libby,

00:30:01what's going on here?

00:30:03Libby goes to me,

00:30:04one second.

00:30:05I've got you.

00:30:06Right?

00:30:07And she's wearing a cloak

00:30:08with a mask.

00:30:09So I'm thinking,

00:30:10what weird fucking

00:30:11Illuminati P. Diddy shit

00:30:12is gonna happen here

00:30:13tonight in Hollywood?

00:30:15Right?

00:30:16And just before

00:30:17I could think,

00:30:18right,

00:30:18the music starts playing

00:30:19in the club,

00:30:20right?

00:30:23Now Libby walks out,

00:30:24right?

00:30:25She's not smiling.

00:30:26Her eyes are wide open,

00:30:27right?

00:30:27And she's got this weird

00:30:28march as she walks out

00:30:30by herself,

00:30:31people.

00:30:31Libby comes walking out

00:30:33like this,

00:30:33people.

00:30:33This is Libby.

00:30:34Just...

00:30:38Now behind Libby,

00:30:40there are two other

00:30:42dancers.

00:30:42And they're doing

00:30:43this weird dance

00:30:44in cloaks as well.

00:30:45They're just...

00:30:48Now listen,

00:30:49people.

00:30:50Behind Libby,

00:30:51there was four

00:30:52Samoan bodyguards,

00:30:54right?

00:30:54Now they're holding

00:30:55something,

00:30:56but we can't see

00:30:57what they're holding,

00:30:57right?

00:30:58But they walk out

00:30:59doing this same weird

00:31:00dance.

00:31:01They come...

00:31:04So I'm thinking,

00:31:05what go are they

00:31:06going to sacrifice

00:31:06in this fucking club?

00:31:08Yeah?

00:31:09And then all the Samoan

00:31:11bodyguards,

00:31:11they all go like this,

00:31:12hey, hey, hey.

00:31:14And then lift up something

00:31:15and we couldn't see

00:31:16what they lifted up,

00:31:17people.

00:31:17And do you know

00:31:17what they lifted up?

00:31:18They lifted up a coffin

00:31:20with 25 bottles of

00:31:22champagne in it,

00:31:24right?

00:31:25And then they start

00:31:26marching to our section

00:31:27like this.

00:31:28Hey, hey, hey,

00:31:30hey, hey, hey,

00:31:32hey, hey.

00:31:33So obviously,

00:31:34all my boys

00:31:35start losing their shit.

00:31:37What?

00:31:38Hey, what?

00:31:39Hey, Mo?

00:31:40Hey, Mo?

00:31:41Is that for us?

00:31:43Is that for us?

00:31:45Hey,

00:31:45Mum's life,

00:31:46bismillah,

00:31:47is that what you're

00:31:48doing?

00:31:49Mo, listen,

00:31:51listen,

00:31:51if that's not for us,

00:31:53Mum's life,

00:31:53I can't lie,

00:31:54I'm going to bang

00:31:55you in your face.

00:31:56Mo,

00:31:57tell me,

00:31:58is that what you're

00:31:58doing?

00:31:59People,

00:32:00I can't lie

00:32:00to all the credit

00:32:01I was like,

00:32:01you man,

00:32:02sometimes

00:32:03that's what you've

00:32:04got to do.

00:32:12People,

00:32:13I'm not ashamed

00:32:14to tell you this,

00:32:14but I started

00:32:14losing myself,

00:32:15right?

00:32:16They started

00:32:16putting one by one

00:32:18all these bottles

00:32:19on our table,

00:32:20yeah?

00:32:20I thought I was

00:32:21a fucking drug dealer,

00:32:22yeah?

00:32:23But my excitement,

00:32:24it started popping out.

00:32:26I was like,

00:32:30I was like,

00:32:38I went straight

00:32:39to the NBA players,

00:32:40I went straight

00:32:40over to them,

00:32:41I was like,

00:32:42what?

00:32:46That's what we do,

00:32:48bruh.

00:32:58People,

00:32:59for the first time

00:33:00in my life,

00:33:01I lost myself.

00:33:03I don't think you realize,

00:33:04I've never lost myself.

00:33:05I didn't even know

00:33:06who I was.

00:33:07One of the NBA players

00:33:08was like,

00:33:09nah,

00:33:09I gotta know,

00:33:10man,

00:33:10what's your name?

00:33:11I said,

00:33:11don't worry about

00:33:12my fucking name,

00:33:13bruh.

00:33:15He said,

00:33:15nah,

00:33:16British man,

00:33:16I ain't never

00:33:17seen that,

00:33:17man.

00:33:18What's your name,

00:33:19British man?

00:33:19I said,

00:33:19don't worry about

00:33:20my fucking name,

00:33:21bruh.

00:33:22He goes,

00:33:23nah,

00:33:23British man,

00:33:23who are you?

00:33:24I said,

00:33:24me.

00:33:25He said,

00:33:25you,

00:33:25who are you?

00:33:26He said,

00:33:26me.

00:33:26I said,

00:33:27I'm,

00:33:28I'm,

00:33:29I'm,

00:33:29DeShane,

00:33:30bruv.

00:33:38We sell fucking drugs.

00:33:40My friend said,

00:33:40wait,

00:33:41whoa,

00:33:42whoa,

00:33:42we don't do that,

00:33:43bruv.

00:33:44I work in IT,

00:33:45bruv.

00:33:45I'm on my last warning,

00:33:46what are you doing?

00:33:48People,

00:33:49for the first time

00:33:50ever in my life,

00:33:51I lost myself.

00:33:53Don't get me wrong,

00:33:53I've been drunk,

00:33:54but I've never

00:33:55lost myself.

00:33:56I was giving people

00:33:57bottles of champagne

00:33:58like I was Oprah.

00:33:59Here,

00:34:00you get a bottle,

00:34:01you get a bottle.

00:34:01Everyone gets a bottle.

00:34:03Lost myself,

00:34:04people.

00:34:04I even gave a bottle

00:34:05of champagne

00:34:06to DJ,

00:34:07the driver.

00:34:08I said,

00:34:08DJ,

00:34:09here,

00:34:09have a bottle of champagne.

00:34:10Nah,

00:34:10man,

00:34:11nah,

00:34:11I don't drink no champagne.

00:34:13I said,

00:34:13come on,

00:34:13bruv.

00:34:14Whatever happens to ride

00:34:15or die,

00:34:15bruv,

00:34:15live life,

00:34:16man.

00:34:17He said to me,

00:34:17nah,

00:34:18man,

00:34:18nah,

00:34:18I don't drink that.

00:34:19I said,

00:34:19what do you drink?

00:34:19What's your drink?

00:34:20He goes,

00:34:21me,

00:34:21I just like some tequila.

00:34:22I said,

00:34:23listen,

00:34:23Liberty,

00:34:24come over here.

00:34:24Listen,

00:34:25this is DJ,

00:34:25the best driver ever.

00:34:27Get my man a bottle

00:34:28of tequila.

00:34:29Gave me the bottles,

00:34:30this big vase looking bottle.

00:34:31I gave the bottle to him,

00:34:32right?

00:34:33Listen to this,

00:34:33people.

00:34:34DJ starts crying

00:34:35in the club,

00:34:36yeah?

00:34:37As all this is going on,

00:34:38he's like,

00:34:39nah,

00:34:39man,

00:34:40nah,

00:34:40man,

00:34:40no,

00:34:41no,

00:34:42none of my clients

00:34:44have ever treated me

00:34:45like,

00:34:46like y'all.

00:34:46I said,

00:34:47listen,

00:34:47DJ,

00:34:47you're one of the mandem now.

00:34:49Listen,

00:34:50you're family.

00:34:50He goes,

00:34:51you sure?

00:34:52I said,

00:34:53yeah,

00:34:53brother,

00:34:53you're family.

00:34:54I said,

00:34:54you know what,

00:34:54Libby,

00:34:54give me a bottle too.

00:34:55So I had a bottle,

00:34:57me had a bottle,

00:34:58you know,

00:34:58he's like,

00:34:58DJ said,

00:34:59hey man,

00:34:59say something real gangster

00:35:00from y'all hood.

00:35:01People,

00:35:01I'm not from the hood

00:35:02like that.

00:35:04I was saying things

00:35:05that are not gangster,

00:35:06but he didn't know,

00:35:06he said,

00:35:06say something,

00:35:07man.

00:35:07I said,

00:35:08auto glass replace,

00:35:09auto glass repair.

00:35:15Hehehehe.

00:35:16Hehehehe.

00:35:17Hehehehe.

00:35:18DJ loved it.

00:35:19Yeah,

00:35:19man,

00:35:19I'll replace the glass.

00:35:20Yeah.

00:35:21Yeah.

00:35:22Because they got bullet holes

00:35:23in the glass.

00:35:24Yeah,

00:35:24all right,

00:35:25bro.

00:35:25It's just a stone chip,

00:35:26but hey,

00:35:26man,

00:35:27whatever floats your boat,

00:35:28bro.

00:35:29Started losing myself.

00:35:30I thought I could get used to this

00:35:32Hollywood lifestyle.

00:35:33I really could,

00:35:34man.

00:35:34Being around my friends,

00:35:36being surrounded by all these people,

00:35:37drinking bottles of champagne,

00:35:39you know.

00:35:40Then,

00:35:40one of the NBA players like,

00:35:41nah,

00:35:42man,

00:35:42we got a toast

00:35:43to my man,

00:35:45Duchesne.

00:35:46You know,

00:35:46the whole club.

00:35:47Hey,

00:35:47hey,

00:35:48Duchesne,

00:35:49Duchesne,

00:35:50Duchesne.

00:35:50I thought,

00:35:51wow,

00:35:51oh my God,

00:35:52let me tell you something.

00:35:53That,

00:35:53for me,

00:35:54was one of the best moments

00:35:55ever of my life.

00:35:57Like,

00:35:57listen,

00:35:57forget doing all this comedy stuff,

00:35:59winning BAFTAs.

00:36:00That moment right there,

00:36:01I was like,

00:36:02wow,

00:36:02this is the,

00:36:02forget my birth,

00:36:03I wasn't really there for that.

00:36:06That moment was one of the greatest moments ever.

00:36:08We all took a shot.

00:36:09One of the best moments ever.

00:36:11I said,

00:36:12hey,

00:36:12Liberty,

00:36:12quick,

00:36:13you do a shot,

00:36:13quick.

00:36:13He get me the receipt.

00:36:14I'm doing the last shots.

00:36:15I'm a cheapskate.

00:36:16I said,

00:36:16I paid for this.

00:36:17I was like,

00:36:18take a bite.

00:36:18I said,

00:36:18bruv,

00:36:19pour a bottle of champagne in your pocket,

00:36:20bruv,

00:36:20take this home,

00:36:21bruv.

00:36:22One of the greatest moments of my life.

00:36:24Then Liberty comes over.

00:36:25I said,

00:36:25thank you,

00:36:25thank you so much for the receipt.

00:36:27I said,

00:36:27well,

00:36:27yeah,

00:36:27you go with him.

00:36:28You go.

00:36:39People,

00:36:39you ever been so drunk

00:36:41that you tried to undrunk yourself for logic?

00:36:43You ever tried to do that stuff

00:36:44where you tried to rub your brow and go,

00:36:49you start realizing what's going on,

00:36:52realizing I had all my buttons of my shirt open.

00:36:54I don't think you realize

00:36:55all the buttons were open,

00:36:57even my belly button was out.

00:37:00My belly button was out.

00:37:01You lot are moving mad in here tonight,

00:37:02ain't it?

00:37:04I'm looking at this receipt.

00:37:07I was like,

00:37:08sorry,

00:37:08Liberty,

00:37:09um,

00:37:12okay.

00:37:13She goes,

00:37:13oh my God,

00:37:14oh my God,

00:37:15what's the problem?

00:37:16What's going on?

00:37:17I was like,

00:37:17um,

00:37:18okay,

00:37:18sorry,

00:37:19I'm trying to understand

00:37:20the price of the tax maturity tip.

00:37:23Could you just tell me

00:37:24how much that bottle is?

00:37:25Liberty was like,

00:37:26okay,

00:37:26let's check it out.

00:37:26Okay,

00:37:27tax maturity tip.

00:37:29Uh,

00:37:30okay,

00:37:30so that one bottle,

00:37:32Casa Resul,

00:37:33that one bottle is,

00:37:34oh,

00:37:34that's okay.

00:37:35That's just,

00:37:36uh,

00:37:36$5,000.

00:37:42People,

00:37:42that's not including the bottle

00:37:43I got for myself.

00:37:44Package number one,

00:37:45package number two.

00:37:47I properly looked at this girl,

00:37:49Libby.

00:37:49I was like,

00:37:49yeah,

00:37:51I know why they call you

00:37:52fucking Libby now,

00:37:53ain't it?

00:37:57because,

00:37:58and then I was,

00:37:58okay,

00:37:59um,

00:37:59and I'm looking at this

00:38:00and she's like,

00:38:01okay,

00:38:01what's the problem?

00:38:02What is it?

00:38:02And I said,

00:38:02well,

00:38:03this is,

00:38:04she goes,

00:38:04what is it,

00:38:04Mel Gillie?

00:38:05What is it?

00:38:05I said,

00:38:05this is,

00:38:05she goes,

00:38:06no,

00:38:06tell me,

00:38:06just be honest.

00:38:07what is it?

00:38:07I said,

00:38:07this is preposterous.

00:38:10This is flipping preposterous.

00:38:13People,

00:38:14it went from being

00:38:14one of the best nights

00:38:15ever in my life

00:38:16to one of the worst nights

00:38:18ever in my life.

00:38:19Don't get me wrong,

00:38:20I could pay for it,

00:38:21but at the same time

00:38:22I was thinking,

00:38:23I was like,

00:38:24wow,

00:38:25is this a downward spiral

00:38:26of how my life's

00:38:27going to turn out?

00:38:28Just going from

00:38:29being in Hollywood,

00:38:30doing premium shows,

00:38:31have your own show,

00:38:32win the BAFTA,

00:38:32and then before you know it,

00:38:34like,

00:38:34I'm just on like,

00:38:36can't pay,

00:38:36we'll take it away.

00:38:38I'm not presenting it,

00:38:39I'm on the program,

00:38:41bruv.

00:38:43I thought,

00:38:44wow.

00:38:45Do you know what?

00:38:45I'm not,

00:38:46listen,

00:38:46I told you I'll be

00:38:46transparent,

00:38:47do you know what?

00:38:48I thought to myself,

00:38:49I know I'll get this money back.

00:38:50I said,

00:38:50do you know what?

00:38:51I said,

00:38:51flip it,

00:38:52I'm going to do

00:38:53OnlyFans tomorrow.

00:38:54I said this in my head.

00:38:55I said,

00:38:55I'll make the money back

00:38:56in 24 hours.

00:38:57Listen,

00:38:57I wouldn't waste any time,

00:38:59I'll be like,

00:38:59let's go to it,

00:39:00fuck it,

00:39:00bumhole Wednesday,

00:39:01let's get these tits,

00:39:05I thought,

00:39:06oh my God,

00:39:06this is the stupidest thing

00:39:08I've ever done

00:39:09in my whole entire life.

00:39:12Then I thought to myself,

00:39:13do you know what?

00:39:13It's all right,

00:39:14because I haven't paid yet,

00:39:15yeah?

00:39:15Remember,

00:39:15I gave my credit card

00:39:17and my ID to the manager,

00:39:18then my phone vibrates,

00:39:19so I'm thinking,

00:39:20what's that?

00:39:21Yeah?

00:39:21Is it mum texting me

00:39:22to see if I'm all right?

00:39:23People,

00:39:23I look at my phone,

00:39:24the transaction went through.

00:39:26They swiped the transaction.

00:39:28Listen,

00:39:28I started questioning

00:39:29the whole banking system.

00:39:30I was like,

00:39:30are you having a bloody laugh?

00:39:32How did you not let this one

00:39:33slip through the money?

00:39:34through the fraud detection service

00:39:35while I'm abroad?

00:39:36You can't give me

00:39:37a one-time password

00:39:38or nothing.

00:39:40But yet,

00:39:41what?

00:39:41If I'm in the pound shop

00:39:42buying some bleach

00:39:43and some biscuits,

00:39:44you want to embarrass me,

00:39:45ask me questions,

00:39:46is it you?

00:39:46Yes or no?

00:39:47Is it you?

00:39:48It's me, man.

00:39:50Worst night in the history

00:39:52of my life.

00:39:53Horrible, man.

00:39:54To the point where

00:39:55I woke up the next morning,

00:39:56all my friends are like,

00:39:57bro,

00:39:58listen,

00:39:58we're so here to wake you,

00:39:59yeah?

00:40:00But we just want to say,

00:40:01thank you so much.

00:40:03I said,

00:40:04guys,

00:40:04you know?

00:40:04He said,

00:40:04nah,

00:40:05bro,

00:40:05I don't think you realise,

00:40:06bro,

00:40:07last night

00:40:08was one of the greatest nights

00:40:10ever in my life.

00:40:11I said,

00:40:12nah,

00:40:12but bro,

00:40:12you got kids.

00:40:13Bruv,

00:40:14fuck them kids.

00:40:14I don't like them.

00:40:17Secretly,

00:40:17the youngest one,

00:40:18that one's evil.

00:40:18I don't really like them like that.

00:40:21But listen,

00:40:21as your friends,

00:40:23we just wanted to wake you up.

00:40:24We understand.

00:40:24We know about the bill,

00:40:26but we just wanted to say,

00:40:27bro,

00:40:27we're never going to live this life again.

00:40:29So as your real friends,

00:40:31we just wanted to wake you up

00:40:32and say,

00:40:32thank you,

00:40:33Maul Gilligan.

00:40:33We really appreciate that.

00:40:35And I can't lie to people,

00:40:36I had this lovely heart-to-heart

00:40:38with my friends,

00:40:39you know,

00:40:39because that's what you do it for,

00:40:40you know?

00:40:40Money comes and goes,

00:40:41but friends are the family

00:40:43that you choose forever.

00:40:44And then,

00:40:44yeah,

00:40:45it's true.

00:40:46Don't listen,

00:40:46man,

00:40:46don't ever give up on your friends.

00:40:48It's a family that you pick forever,

00:40:50man.

00:40:50And then one of the guys was like,

00:40:52hey,

00:40:52bro,

00:40:52listen,

00:40:52I know something that would cheer you up,

00:40:54though.

00:40:54You know,

00:40:54me and the guys chipped in,

00:40:56though.

00:40:56And check this out,

00:40:57listen,

00:40:57we just got your little coffee

00:40:58and a muffin,

00:40:59innit?

00:41:08People,

00:41:08I swear on my life,

00:41:09I genuinely looked at my friends

00:41:11and I was like,

00:41:11you know what,

00:41:11I hope your plane crashes

00:41:12on the way home.

00:41:13Do you think

00:41:14this is enough?

00:41:17It was at a different time

00:41:18in my life.

00:41:19During this time,

00:41:20this was about three and a half years ago,

00:41:21I was single,

00:41:22right?

00:41:22I didn't enjoy being single people.

00:41:24But I had to go to this wedding,

00:41:26people,

00:41:26and I'm at this wedding by myself.

00:41:27But you know what it's like,

00:41:28guys,

00:41:28we're able to box up

00:41:29how we feel.

00:41:31You know,

00:41:31you start seeing all this romance.

00:41:33Guys don't care about this stuff,

00:41:34yeah?

00:41:35Because there's two types of romance.

00:41:36You know,

00:41:36you've got those new couples,

00:41:38yeah?

00:41:38Start rubbing each other's noses

00:41:39and stuff like that.

00:41:40Hmm,

00:41:41yeah,

00:41:41hmm,

00:41:42hmm,

00:41:43huh?

00:41:45She's all excited.

00:41:46This will be us one day.

00:41:47Hmm,

00:41:48hmm,

00:41:49I ain't gonna catch the bouquet.

00:41:50Burp,

00:41:50burp,

00:41:51burp.

00:41:53And you've got couples

00:41:54that got some years in the game,

00:41:56yeah?

00:41:56All they're thinking about is,

00:41:57hey,

00:41:58when we go home,

00:41:59yeah,

00:42:00let's just sleep.

00:42:01That's what we'll want to do,

00:42:02is sleep.

00:42:04That's all you care about,

00:42:05right?

00:42:05I feel like women lack romance

00:42:07probably a lot more than men lack romance.

00:42:10And I don't want to generalize and say

00:42:11all women are the same,

00:42:12but women do lack a bit of romance,

00:42:14man.

00:42:14There's a single woman by herself.

00:42:16She's crying,

00:42:17yeah?

00:42:17She didn't even know she's crying.

00:42:19A tear just popped out of her eyes.

00:42:20Do you know that happens,

00:42:21men?

00:42:21A tear will just come out unannounced,

00:42:23and just roll down her face,

00:42:25yeah?

00:42:25She notices it.

00:42:26She goes,

00:42:26oh, no, no, no,

00:42:27not today.

00:42:28Not today.

00:42:29No,

00:42:29I am strong.

00:42:30She'll put out positive affirmations.

00:42:31I am strong.

00:42:32I am cool.

00:42:33I am kind.

00:42:33No.

00:42:34No.

00:42:34Where's my crystal?

00:42:35Where's my corpse?

00:42:36Where is it?

00:42:40But you know what women do

00:42:41that I think is absolutely beautiful,

00:42:43right?

00:42:43Women look out for other women.

00:42:45Women don't ever stop doing this.

00:42:48This is a beautiful thing that you do.

00:42:51You know,

00:42:51two women are on the dance floor.

00:42:53They notice this poor woman crying,

00:42:55yeah?

00:42:56They're having a time of their life,

00:42:57but they can't help but notice it.

00:42:59They're dancing.

00:42:59They'll be like,

00:43:00hey, babes.

00:43:00Hey, babes.

00:43:01Listen.

00:43:02Don't be bait, yeah?

00:43:04But you see that girl?

00:43:05Yeah?

00:43:05To your left.

00:43:06Yeah?

00:43:07She's crying.

00:43:08Are you serious?

00:43:09Are you serious?

00:43:09Yeah?

00:43:10Yeah?

00:43:10Don't be bait.

00:43:11Don't be bait.

00:43:12Don't be bait.

00:43:12Now, let me not look.

00:43:13Let me not look.

00:43:14I'm not going to look.

00:43:15Oh, my gosh.

00:43:17Shit.

00:43:17I'm going to say something.

00:43:18And she will.

00:43:19She'll go over there.

00:43:20Women will pretend.

00:43:20You guys are so obvious, you know?

00:43:22You guys will be like,

00:43:23oh, my gosh.

00:43:26Shut the front door on Tuesday.

00:43:28Wait.

00:43:28There's no way that a queen like you

00:43:30is crying.

00:43:34Sorry, darling.

00:43:35Not in that old Polly dress

00:43:36because I've been trying to get that one.

00:43:38No way.

00:43:39Listen, babes.

00:43:39Don't you cry.

00:43:40Don't you cry.

00:43:41Not very demure.

00:43:41Not very mindful.

00:43:42Come here, babes.

00:43:43Don't you cry.

00:43:44They'll introduce her

00:43:45to all the rest of the girls.

00:43:47All these women will huddle around her.

00:43:48They'll wipe the tears off her face, guys.

00:43:51Don't you cry.

00:43:52Listen, don't you cry

00:43:53because you're beautiful, yeah?

00:43:54We've all been there

00:43:55because, listen,

00:43:56Chantel's been there.

00:43:57Haven't you, Chantel?

00:43:59Chantel's like,

00:44:00what do you mean I've been there?

00:44:01What are you talking about?

00:44:03Listen, some women

00:44:04will throw their friend

00:44:05under the bus

00:44:06for emotional support

00:44:07for people they don't know, you know?

00:44:09Listen, okay,

00:44:10long story short,

00:44:11you don't know her,

00:44:12but basically,

00:44:13her baby father's in prison

00:44:14for armed robbery and GBH.

00:44:15Isn't that right, Chantel?

00:44:17Chantel's like,

00:44:18why are you telling this girl

00:44:19all my business for?

00:44:20What's wrong with you?

00:44:21Listen, it's okay.

00:44:23It's on 24 hours

00:44:23in police custody.

00:44:24We all know.

00:44:24Don't worry about it, babes.

00:44:25Listen, don't you cry.

00:44:27Don't you cry, yeah?

00:44:28Quick, quick, Claire.

00:44:29Give me your lipstick, yeah?

00:44:31Tight, Claire.

00:44:31No, not my Charlotte Tilbury.

00:44:32Give me your fucking Charlotte Tilbury, yeah?

00:44:34Don't you cry.

00:44:35Do you know why?

00:44:36And let me tell you something, guys.

00:44:37Women have inspirational quotes

00:44:40ready to go, yeah?

00:44:41At the drop of a hat.

00:44:43This one is their favourite, yeah?

00:44:44This is their 90th minute winner.

00:44:47This is the one that women love, yeah?

00:44:48Listen, listen, babes.

00:44:49Don't you cry.

00:44:50Don't you cry, yeah?

00:44:52This poor girl,

00:44:53why, why?

00:44:54Don't you cry.

00:44:55Do you know why?

00:44:56Do you know why?

00:44:59Because you're letting him win.

00:45:00Don't you let him win!

00:45:05Look at all these witches, yeah?

00:45:07I've used that one.

00:45:08I've used that one.

00:45:09Don't let him win.

00:45:10He's always going to win.

00:45:11Don't let him win.

00:45:12It's like a loose women convention in there, isn't it?

00:45:17Men, we don't do none of that stuff.

00:45:19We ain't there for no emotional support.

00:45:21Let me tell you something.

00:45:22Men, we mind our business.

00:45:24We are professional mind businesses, yeah?

00:45:26There could be a man in this venue,

00:45:29in the toilets, right now,

00:45:30crying his eyes out over heartbreak, yeah?

00:45:33I'm talking, he's really crying.

00:45:35I can't, I can't believe,

00:45:36I can't believe she, she, she would do me.

00:45:39Why, why?

00:45:41Why, why, why?

00:45:42Listen, every man would be in them toilets,

00:45:46minding our business,

00:45:48just washing the shit out of our hands,

00:45:51trying to find out what's happened in it.

00:45:53Every man just...

00:46:20Poor fucking cunt.

00:46:27We'll even tell some of the guys, won't we, guys?

00:46:29Yeah?

00:46:30Because, guys, we like to gossip.

00:46:31But when this is happening, we can't be serious.

00:46:33Hey, bro.

00:46:34Hey, listen.

00:46:39There's a man in the toilets.

00:46:44No, no, no, I shouldn't laugh.

00:46:46It's not serious, it's serious.

00:46:47Why?

00:46:47What's going on, bro?

00:46:48Just say.

00:46:50There's a...

00:46:53There's a man in the toilets crying, swear down.

00:46:55Yeah?

00:46:56Some guys will have compassion.

00:46:58Bruh, is it?

00:46:59That's crazy, bro.

00:47:00Poor guy.

00:47:01He must be going for it, boy.

00:47:03There's always that one guy.

00:47:04Is it?

00:47:07Let me see this, bro.

00:47:18He's crying like some pussy.

00:47:19Oh, you know, wait, wait, wait, what are you doing?

00:47:23What are you doing, Jerome, man?

00:47:26I always believe the women have their stuff sorted out, right?

00:47:30They've always got their car.

00:47:32They've got their good job.

00:47:33You know, they've got their house.

00:47:35All they want now is you, Mr. Right.

00:47:37Especially, because let me tell you something.

00:47:38When women get to this 30s, 40s, 50s, they're not messing around anymore, yeah?

00:47:42They know what they're looking for.

00:47:43They've got their list and their criteria.

00:47:45They've got their red flag list.

00:47:47Don't matter what star sign you are.

00:47:48Yeah, Leo.

00:47:49No, not for me.

00:47:49My ex is Leo.

00:47:50No, red flag.

00:47:51That's it, yeah?

00:47:52Just because you were born in that month.

00:47:54No, it's a red flag.

00:47:55Sorry.

00:47:55No, red flag.

00:47:56Yeah?

00:47:57Then they've got this other list.

00:47:59Now, women add to this list every single day.

00:48:02Do you know what this is?

00:48:03The list of icks, yeah?

00:48:06Now, I don't know if you're familiar with what an ick is,

00:48:08but basically, guys, an ick is something we do

00:48:10that we don't even know we're doing

00:48:12that just turns her vagina off.

00:48:14Just...

00:48:16That's it.

00:48:16Pum-pum-la-cath.

00:48:17You can't get restarted.

00:48:18There's no...

00:48:21That's it.

00:48:22It's closed for today.

00:48:23That's it, yeah?

00:48:24Let me tell you something, guys.

00:48:25Anything you do can be an ick, yeah?

00:48:28I don't think you realise.

00:48:29Try it, you know?

00:48:30If you go on a date, just ask your girl.

00:48:32They'll tell you the most random things you've ever heard.

00:48:34Women will go into great depths.

00:48:35They'll tell you.

00:48:36Yeah, yeah.

00:48:37Like, you know when you meet a guy, yeah?

00:48:38Like, what?

00:48:39What?

00:48:39Go for it.

00:48:40Yeah.

00:48:40And let's say you go ping-pong with him, yeah?

00:48:42Yeah?

00:48:43Go ping-pong.

00:48:43I'm like, all right, well, where's the ick in this?

00:48:45You know, men, we love ping-pong, yeah?

00:48:47I grew up in the youth club system.

00:48:49I love ping-pong.

00:48:50You know?

00:48:50They're like, no, no, no.

00:48:51No, no, no, but it's what happens during the ping-pong.

00:48:53Well, where's the ick in this, yeah?

00:48:55This one girl once said to me, I'll tell you an ick, yeah?

00:48:57A man chasing a ping-pong ball just...

00:49:03Oh, wait, wait.

00:49:08Found it.

00:49:10Ladies, can I ask you tonight, is that an ick?

00:49:13Is that an ick?

00:49:16Look at you scumbags, you don't even know it's an ick.

00:49:18Well, it's an ick now, write that one down.

00:49:19Let's write that, chasing a ping-pong ball.

00:49:22They'll tell you icks, you didn't even think there was an ick.

00:49:25They'll make you change your whole life, yeah?

00:49:28They'll be like, do you remember when he was getting ready

00:49:29and we came to see Mo, yeah?

00:49:31Yeah?

00:49:31What did you do when you got changed?

00:49:33I don't know.

00:49:34I got out of the shower and then I put on my clothes.

00:49:36No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:49:37You didn't just do that.

00:49:38What did you put on first?

00:49:40Um, I don't know.

00:49:41I got out of the shower.

00:49:42Do you know what you've done?

00:49:42What did I do, babes?

00:49:44You put your t-shirt on before your boxers, yeah?

00:49:47Yeah?

00:49:48This is called a Winnie the Pooh, apparently.

00:49:52Women is our ick.

00:49:53A man who puts a t-shirt on before the boxers.

00:49:56Look at all the women with their hands up.

00:49:58Every man just had his bum cheeks hanging out.

00:50:02Just got your little willy just...

00:50:06No, I believe that women have icks because deep down,

00:50:09they're just trying to find the small things that they love about you.

00:50:12I have this theory, people.

00:50:13I have this theory when it comes to love.

00:50:15I have this theory, which I believe is called the three L's, right?

00:50:18Hear me out on this, right?

00:50:20The first L is the first one itself is love.

00:50:23The second one is listening.

00:50:25If you're going to be with someone, you have to listen to them.

00:50:28You know what it's like, guys.

00:50:29Your favorite team has just lost, right?

00:50:31That ruined your whole weekend.

00:50:33You're like, oh, man, this is a joke.

00:50:35How did we lose this one, man?

00:50:37Women, don't do that thing.

00:50:38Don't do that whole Wii.

00:50:42Wii?

00:50:43But when would you start playing Wii?

00:50:48You're like, babes, please, not right now.

00:50:50Not right now.

00:50:51It's all right.

00:50:53It's okay.

00:50:55It's just a game.

00:50:59It's not a fucking game, is it?

00:51:00It's my life, Sharon.

00:51:02I've got nothing.

00:51:05It's all right.

00:51:07You've got me.

00:51:08I don't fucking want you.

00:51:11You can't play up front, can you?

00:51:19And the last L is the most important, right?

00:51:22That's loyalty.

00:51:23Be loyal to the person that you're with, you know?

00:51:25See, loads of couples in the house.

00:51:27Just be loyal, man.

00:51:28And don't get me wrong.

00:51:29There's the old-fashioned sense of loyalty.

00:51:31Till death do us part and all that stuff.

00:51:33But there's also loyalty exclusive to your relationship.

00:51:37Things that you do that other people don't understand, right?

00:51:40And it's random things.

00:51:41You know, like picking your favorite TV to watch.

00:51:44You go on Netflix, you know?

00:51:45You're thinking, oh, what should we watch?

00:51:46You see something.

00:51:47Stranger Things, Adolescence, Top Boys, Supercell.

00:51:49I don't know.

00:51:50You know, your lady, she sees something.

00:51:52She says, babes, everyone's talking about that.

00:51:54We've got to watch that, yeah?

00:51:55Yeah, that's the loyalty.

00:51:56You've locked it in.

00:51:57That's it.

00:51:58We're going to watch that.

00:51:59Not now, but we're going to watch that.

00:52:00That's where the loyalty starts, right?

00:52:02That means, my guy, you can't watch it somewhere else.

00:52:05And you can't watch it somewhere else, yeah?

00:52:07That is the loyalty that you've agreed upon, right?

00:52:10Now, most men like to be a protector, yeah?

00:52:14So being a protector, you want to show that you can be a provider.

00:52:16Being a provider shows you want to be in control, right?

00:52:19So what do we like, guys?

00:52:20We like the remote control.

00:52:21We just like to be able to rewind and fast-forward and pause.

00:52:24That's our thing.

00:52:25We want the remote control.

00:52:27Now, ladies, they like their thing.

00:52:28Ladies feel safe in your presence, right?

00:52:30They can unwind.

00:52:31What do they want to unwind with?

00:52:33A glass of wine, right?

00:52:34So they go, wait, wait, wait, wait.

00:52:35Before we press play, I'm just going to have a quick glass.

00:52:38Just a quick one.

00:52:39Yeah, just a little one.

00:52:40Yeah?

00:52:40Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug.

00:52:43Just a little one.

00:52:45Just a little one, right?

00:52:46So you find your program that you're going to watch.

00:52:49You're cuddled in, and that's it.

00:52:50You press play.

00:52:51Bow, you're in.

00:52:52Yeah?

00:52:53You're in.

00:52:54You're watching your program.

00:52:55Yeah?

00:52:57Ten minutes in.

00:52:58It gets a bit quiet, doesn't it, guys?

00:53:00Yeah?

00:53:01Yeah?

00:53:02Fifteen minutes in.

00:53:03Yeah?

00:53:04Sleeping beauty over here has fallen asleep.

00:53:10Yeah?

00:53:11Not because she started work early or because she had a long day

00:53:15and she maybe went to the gym.

00:53:16Do you know where she fell asleep?

00:53:17Because she just drunk a pint of wine in five minutes.

00:53:21She's out.

00:53:22Now we've got to watch this film that we plan to go and watch

00:53:25together by ourselves.

00:53:27And that's where the loyalty comes in, guys.

00:53:29Can you say, nah, we did plan to watch it together.

00:53:31Now we're left by ourself, and we watch this film,

00:53:33don't we, guys?

00:53:34Can we say, you know what?

00:53:35I'll have one.

00:53:35I'll have a cheeky one.

00:53:36Yeah?

00:53:36I'll watch one episode, yeah?

00:53:37We start watching it, yeah?

00:53:39Thirty minutes goes by.

00:53:40We're really enjoying ourself, guys, aren't we?

00:53:42Do you know why we're enjoying ourself, women?

00:53:44I'll tell you why.

00:53:45Because no one is asking us any flipping questions

00:53:49about what is going on.

00:53:51Who's that man?

00:53:51Why did he kill him?

00:53:52Can you rewind it?

00:53:53Is it Antonio Banderas?

00:53:54What's he doing this?

00:53:55Wait, I'm going to Google it.

00:53:56Can you quick pause it?

00:53:57Who's that man?

00:53:58Babes, I've never seen this before in my life.

00:54:00I've never seen it before.

00:54:01All right, I'm just asking a question.

00:54:02Why are you so rude?

00:54:04Very rude.

00:54:06Gosh.

00:54:08None of this is happening.

00:54:10So you carry on watching this program, right?

00:54:13And then Netflix will test your loyalty, right?

00:54:17Because Netflix will say,

00:54:18Yo, listen up, yeah.

00:54:22The credits are about to roll.

00:54:25But listen, I've got another episode cooking up

00:54:29in five, four, three, two.

00:54:34What do you want to do?

00:54:39Fuck that bitch.

00:54:40Episode two.

00:54:42Episode two.

00:54:43We know we shouldn't be watching episode two.

00:54:46This is blasphemy within the relationship.

00:54:49You shouldn't watch it,

00:54:50but you start enjoying episode two.

00:54:52But what happens?

00:54:53Sleeping Beauty wakes up, yeah?

00:54:55But women, you don't just wake up.

00:54:56It's like some spirit has told you in your dream, yeah?

00:55:00He's doing something wrong.

00:55:02And you women wake up out of your sleep.

00:55:07They pause it.

00:55:09They look at their phone.

00:55:10It's always the same time.

00:55:1111, 11, 11, 11, 11.

00:55:14The angels told me,

00:55:16Where's my crystal?

00:55:17Where's my crystal?

00:55:19Wait, hold on.

00:55:20Episode two.

00:55:21Are you on episode two?

00:55:22Oh, my gosh.

00:55:23I can't believe you would do that.

00:55:25Women start exaggerating.

00:55:26I can't believe you do that.

00:55:28Only fell asleep for, what, five minutes?

00:55:32Because love is the best thing, man.

00:55:34The love you have for your partner,

00:55:35the love you have for your family.

00:55:37That's why I do all of this, man.

00:55:38Do it for my family, man.

00:55:40And I'm now lucky enough to be in a position

00:55:42to just do other stuff.

00:55:43But recently, you know,

00:55:44one of my dreams came true, you know.

00:55:46One of the biggest publishers in the world was like,

00:55:48Mo, listen, we love your comedy, right?

00:55:50And we'd love it if you could write a children's book.

00:55:54We'll give you 12 months, a little advance,

00:55:56and you find the best book you want to write.

00:55:58And then, people, as I said,

00:55:59I'd be very truthful during this show, right?

00:56:02And 12 months goes past.

00:56:04I get an email at 10 in the morning.

00:56:06They said, Mo, hey, I hope you're well.

00:56:08Can you jump on the Zoom?

00:56:10We're going to go through the book, right?

00:56:12I thought, what?

00:56:13Oh, my gosh.

00:56:13I totally forgot about this book, right?

00:56:15I ran downstairs.

00:56:16I go to my kitchen, open up the Zoom

00:56:18with my dressing gown and my pyjamas.

00:56:21It was 30 people on a Zoom call, right?

00:56:25Everyone from this publishing company, right?

00:56:27They're like, hey, Mo, how's it going?

00:56:29It's been so long.

00:56:30So, how are you getting along with the book?

00:56:33I thought, oh, my God, I completely forgot.

00:56:36Now, I thought, you know what?

00:56:37I can't waste these people's time.

00:56:38So, listen, thank you so much for this opportunity.

00:56:41But, unfortunately, this isn't for me.

00:56:43They said, why?

00:56:44Mo, what's happened?

00:56:45I said, listen, I've not come up with any ideas, right?

00:56:48These people said to me, no, Mo, listen, check this out.

00:56:51We've got an idea.

00:56:53We love your nursery rhymes, yeah?

00:56:55Your Rastafarian nursery rhymes, yeah?

00:56:57How about this for an idea?

00:56:59You could do fairy tales.

00:57:01Yeah, yeah.

00:57:01You could do the Little Red Riding Hood.

00:57:03Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:57:04You could do, I don't know, Goldilocks,

00:57:06the Gingerbread Man.

00:57:07You could even do Jack and the Beans talk.

00:57:09Yeah, because it's copyright free.

00:57:10How about that, but, but, with a Jamaican reggae twist?

00:57:17I said, what in the turtle bay is going on here?

00:57:23The lady on the Zoom goes, okay,

00:57:25what about if you performed a little bit for us in your kitchen?

00:57:28We can get the ghostwriter, Tony, involved, yeah?

00:57:31There was one black guy called Tony.

00:57:32We can get him involved, yeah?

00:57:33How about that?

00:57:34Yeah, he's from where you're from.

00:57:35How about that?

00:57:37I said, listen, thank you so much, but listen,

00:57:39it doesn't feel ethical.

00:57:40I don't want to feel like I'm selling out my culture,

00:57:42do you know what I mean, for the bag.

00:57:44They said, oh, Mo, such a shame.

00:57:47I said, why?

00:57:48Because I'm not a corporate puppet,

00:57:49I'm not going to do whatever you want me to do.

00:57:50They said, no, Mo.

00:57:52You know, a book like this, you'd own the IP,

00:57:54and most importantly, we could pay you a bit of money.

00:57:57Not much, but we could pay you, I don't know,

00:57:59like £300,000.

00:58:07So, this is the book I performed in my kitchen.

00:58:11Run the track, please.

00:58:18This is a story from my hood

00:58:21About this young girl named Red Riding Hood

00:58:24She just got a call

00:58:25They said, come quick

00:58:26Your grandmother's ill and she's moving sick

00:58:29So she moves as she grows as she's moving quick

00:58:31She moves as she grows as she's moving sick

00:58:34She sees the wolf in her grandmother's clothing

00:58:37She grab a knife, she not really know him

00:58:40The next girl, she need a box

00:58:42Go by the name of Goldilocks

00:58:45Enter the house, eat up the porridge

00:58:47Steal up the wisdom

00:58:49Take out the knowledge, bro

00:58:50No, she's not ending there

00:58:52She sleeps in the bed

00:58:54She now live there

00:58:55She sleeps in the bed

00:58:56She leave blonde hair

00:58:58She sleeps in the bed

00:58:59And bed bugs in the ginger

00:59:01It's the gingerbread man

00:59:03Sweet and nice for the gingerbread man

00:59:06Them now know for the gingerbread man

00:59:08Sweet and nice for the gingerbread man

00:59:11Yo!

00:59:12Gingerbread, they wanna kill him and shoot him

00:59:14Gingerbread, they wanna kill him and shoot him

00:59:16Gingerbread, they wanna kill him and shoot him

00:59:19Him have the nuts and the small piece I're floating

00:59:24Gingerbread contains no eggs

00:59:26number said gingerbread contains no eggs but you can't find gingerbread inside

00:59:31so right now people i'm on the zoom it's going great we've got middle class white ladies losing

00:59:38their minds yeah they're like oh my god oh my god it's like nothing healing here what the blood

00:59:43fire i knew i was doing well because tony the ghostwriter the black guy he lost it he went

00:59:50from code switch to real yard he was at oh the blood fire yard even people i lost myself i

00:59:56lost

00:59:56myself to the point where i forgot it was for a children's book when i done my verse of jack

01:00:01and

01:00:01the beanstalk people yeah run the track please yo i'ma tell them yo i'ma tell them yo let me get

01:00:07the handcuffs inside one time yo yo i'ma tell them yo i'ma tell them yo i'ma tell them yo i'ma

01:00:14tell them

01:00:14him up the beans himself the cow climb up the beanstalk them i said how he said feet fight

01:00:20for one day from them he said feet fight for one day from them he said feet fight for one

01:00:26day from i

01:00:28am jack and you can suck your mom

01:00:32london that is my time thank you a lot so much god bless you thank you so much

01:00:42when i say south you say london south south when i say mo you say gilligan mo

01:00:55gilligan mo thank you that is my time take care god bless thank you very much thank you very much

01:01:04thank you

01:01:24so

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