- 1 day ago
American Dad! - Season 22 Episode 9 -
Where the Wild Boars Are
tele: https://t.me/TopFilmUSA1
#film#shows#usa#usashows#hot#filmhot
Where the Wild Boars Are
tele: https://t.me/TopFilmUSA1
#film#shows#usa#usashows#hot#filmhot
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:03Good morning USA, I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day, the sun in the sky
00:11has a smile on his face, and he's shining a salute to the American race, oh boy it's
00:20well to say, good morning USA, and to conclude this tour of my wine yard, a brief toast to
00:38the lowly grape, a simple berry for peasants named by the Romans of course, after Hanna
00:44Barbera's childish oaf, grape ape, believe it or not, I was once like the lowly grape myself,
00:51young, naive, full of juice, until that special summer, I learned to make wine, I was at that
00:59age when summer means one thing, playing in the woods, I'm gonna go play in the woods babe,
01:07I'll do my chores later, what, you don't do chores, the fastest way to the woods was through
01:12Mr. Tuttle's backyard, careful Jeffrey, I love my lawn, I consider her to be my beautiful
01:18green wife, those waters good and rusty today, in the woods I could do anything, like find
01:28a really cool stick, and use it to whack trees, I could even throw it like a boomerang, and
01:37of course there was other stuff to do in the woods, this is gonna be good, worms, oh mama,
01:48don't mind me just converting this old shack into a bang shed, it's like a gummy worm on steroids,
01:55great question Jeff, a bang shed is a small filthy abandoned structure famously used as a place to have
02:01hot sex in the woods, I strategically placed this to rile you up for a roll in the shed, not
02:06with me,
02:07I'm just the caretaker, but it would mean a lot to me if you'd fornicate on this pee-soaked mattress,
02:12it's my pee,
02:15babe, I saw the monster in the woods again, and it was, why are you all dressed up? We're going
02:20to a
02:20steakhouse for dad's half birthday, I must have forgotten to tell you, can I come? Oh, I don't
02:27know babe, you have sap on your hands, you smell like worms, wouldn't you be happier staying home
02:32and watching Oliver and Company with Rogu? Dog, a dog, Billy Joe shines in Rome, I'll stay here,
02:39have fun babe!
02:44You took that well, Jeff. Took what well? Haley obviously didn't want you to go, she thinks of you as
02:49a boy.
02:50No duh, she's seen my penis. No, a little boy. Isn't it possible she likes me despite my many quirks
02:58and faults?
02:58No, wifeys want their hobbies to be mature adult men. Or fish. If you don't grow up soon, she'll divorce
03:04you. Or worse.
03:06What's worse than the big D? The twisted sea getting cock-olded. That's when you're such a little boy,
03:14your wife goes out and bonk some other dude. That's not appropriate for me to hear, Mr. Klaus.
03:20What's not appropriate is lying in the hall while Haley's headboard goes bonk, bonk, bonk. Before long,
03:27telltale heart style phantom bonks will drive you up the wall. I don't want any of that. Then be a
03:33man.
03:34Or else it's, what's that I hear under the floorboards? The ghost of a brutal cock-holding? Bonk, bonk, bonk,
03:42bonk.
03:43I'll show you I'm a man. I'll run away crying. And never come back forever. Never! Ever!
04:04Stop coming alive, you trees!
04:08The monster! I gotta hide!
04:13Dear Mr. God, please help me become a man.
04:20Get lost, ya bum! This shed is only for dirty woodland humping. No solo play!
04:28What's that sound?
04:33Someone forgot to turn off their cup of noodles machine.
04:37Hello? Hello?
04:39I'm gonna break in! Please don't shoot me too much!
04:44Help me! Help me!
04:47Don't worry, an intruder's coming!
04:53Oh God, the toilet's gone mad! It's eating him alive!
04:57I slipped getting out of the tub and got wedged back here. Help me!
05:01I'm going to yank you out. You're so old. I hope you don't pull apart like roast chicken, mister.
05:09Please, call me Bing.
05:12You look amazing, Mr. Bing! Way better than you did naked.
05:17Name's just Bing. Like the cherry. Like the Crosby.
05:21And thank you, even at home a man should dress to impress.
05:26Do you have any juice?
05:27No. A man has tea to come with the nurse. Drink.
05:33Jeffrey, I'm a hermit. Do you know what that means?
05:37Of course. You're a crab.
05:39It means I don't go out. I don't have friends.
05:42If you hadn't found me, I'd have died on the bedroom floor.
05:47Every crab's nightmare.
05:49Hey, how did you hear my kettle anyway?
05:52I was out in the woods, where I like to play.
05:55Playing in the woods. I haven't played in the woods since I was a boy, and even then, I didn't.
06:03I know. I'm like a little boy.
06:06You're not like a boy. You are a boy. A golden halo of innocence surrounds you.
06:13The monster!
06:14Like Frankenstein? Is that what you fear?
06:18Oh, Jeffrey. Frankenstein hasn't been seen in these woods for years.
06:23Come with me.
06:26Your monster is just a wild boar.
06:30Oh, it's just the monster from the boar's head deli meat packages.
06:35And look, he's found wild grapes.
06:39Get, you big galoot!
06:41We could make wine with these.
06:44Mr. Bing, you look good. You smell good. You know about wine.
06:48Please make me into a man like you.
06:51Becoming a man takes time.
06:53How much time? Are we done?
06:55I'll teach you what I know, but it's a shame anyway.
06:59Because in becoming a man, you will lose your innocence.
07:04I know. I did.
07:06One last worm before I'm a man.
07:10This one's name is Wormo.
07:13Thus began my lessons with Bing.
07:16And what became of Wormo?
07:18Well, just a few minutes later, I flung him high into the air.
07:22Can we drink?
07:24No.
07:25Bing had agreed to teach me how to be a man.
07:27And as it turns out, aging a boy is a lot like aging a wine.
07:33First rule, aging a boy is nothing like aging a wine.
07:38Second rule, men take baths.
07:41Life is a battle, and smelling good is your greatest weapon.
07:46That's why they're called bath bombs.
07:49When I was young, I'd paint my whole body purple, privates included.
07:54Then I'd hide in the grapes so the women would stomp on me, privates included.
08:01I don't want to hear about this.
08:03Okay, okay. A man needs boundaries.
08:06Speaking of boundaries, I ask you not to enter this room.
08:11It's full of memories from my old life.
08:15Oh, in your old life were you a crooner?
08:18You think all beings are crooners? Come on.
08:20Just stop trying to go in my secret room, okay?
08:24What? I didn't even know about it.
08:26Fine. I forgive you. Just don't let me catch you again.
08:32Things look good. The mattress is utterly foobar. The shed is ready for sex.
08:38Raccoons?
08:39One's going for the playboys. Here we go.
08:49This style is called sprezzatura. It means effortless grace.
08:55In loafers, a man can't help but walk with a certain nonchalance.
09:02Try it. Nonchalance with me, baby.
09:09He's a boy. He's a boy. He's a beautiful boy.
09:12But he wears loafers like a man.
09:16I'm a boy. I'm a boy. But I'm coming of age.
09:20Hey, watch out for that space. And watch out for this room.
09:23Don't you go in this place.
09:26I wasn't trying to.
09:27Good. Keep it that way.
09:29He's a boy. He's a boy. He's a beautiful boy.
09:33One day he'll be a beautiful man.
09:36That was a great song, but somehow I have sap on my hands again.
09:42One word. Extra virgin olive oil.
09:47My hands are so clean, they look like a picture of hands.
09:51What is this stuff?
09:52You never heard of olive oil? What's a boy eat? Little nuggets?
09:55I eat whatever babe makes me.
09:58Another rule. A man serves others.
10:01And there's nothing better to serve than a simple tomato sandwich.
10:05Good tomato. Good oil. And good salt. Sea salt.
10:09I only use Eastern Caspian sea salt.
10:12If you try to use Western Caspian sea salt, well, it's just not Eastern.
10:20I think I'm a man, Mr. Bing.
10:22I just hammered a cork into a bunghole without laughing.
10:26That much?
10:28You're not a man yet, but maybe it is time for you to go.
10:32Especially since I just got an Amber Alert that matches your description.
10:36You haven't been checking in with nobody?
10:41Jeff, where have you been?
10:43I've been making for you, with sap-free hands, a simple tomato sandwich.
10:51How did you do that? Are you wearing Heelys?
10:54Babe, you smell incredible.
10:57An old man bathed me.
10:59Excuse me?
11:01This sando is on point.
11:03Ho ho! Look at this man!
11:06Maybe the bunking is off the table.
11:08I am a man! I gotta go tell Bing!
11:11Klaus, did you tell Jeff he was gonna get cuckolded again?
11:15I just told him a bit about the history of the term.
11:17Mr. Bing! I think I'm a-
11:19Guns?
11:21These are a good guy's guns, right?
11:23You might want to sit down for this, Jeffrey. Have some tea.
11:30The boar has become a problem.
11:33And when there's a problem, a man doesn't stop until it's solved.
11:38You-you don't mean-
11:39I have to shoot the boar.
11:42W-what did he do wrong? Did he do a big fart like Pumbaa?
11:46He didn't fart like Pumbaa.
11:48He's eating the grapes we need for next year's wine.
11:51So he must be eliminated and made into a simple boar ragout.
11:57I'm sorry. I guess I'm not a man after all.
12:00You may not be a man yet, but when you are, you can still cry.
12:06A man can always cry.
12:09I think it's time I show you that locked room you've been so obsessed with.
12:14Jeffrey, the truth is, I used to be a hitman for the Bingoni Mafia.
12:21You did all these?
12:22The hits were problems I was good at solving.
12:25I was so good, they had me change my first name to Bingoni.
12:29Bing for short.
12:30My last name is Goon. So I'm Bingoni Goon and A Bingoni Goon.
12:36And before my family name got shortened at Ellis Island, it was Bingoni Goon.
12:41Which, believe it or not, in English means Bingoni Goon.
12:46You murdered people.
12:47I did. But when my last hit got away, I left the Mafia in shame.
12:54They could have made you sleep with a fish.
12:56But that part of my life is over. Especially since you came along.
13:01When I met you, I was stuck behind a toilet.
13:05Now I feel like I can throw a toilet at the moon.
13:09Hey, that's Mr. Tuttle.
13:12You know this man?
13:14He lives just across the woods from you. I cut through his yard.
13:17Mr. Tuttle loves his yard. Look!
13:22Yeah, he didn't disappear. He's just in the witness protection program.
13:27What? He told you this?
13:29A man hears things.
13:31Jeffrey, would you like to kill the boar?
13:35No, no. I couldn't. Not Pumba!
13:37Too pure to kill a Pumba.
13:39Now go. I'll call you when the wine is ready.
13:43And here. Take this.
13:45I knew it! You were a crooner!
13:48I meant not a crooner.
13:50That's Bay Area style rep.
13:53And if you need more space, there's a hollow log out back you can make into an ABU.
13:57Additional bang unit.
13:59How much are you asking, Roger?
14:00Nothing. Just get in there.
14:02Do you provide the sex partner?
14:03It's not a brothel.
14:04Would you negotiate on the price?
14:05It's free, dammit! Please just go have sex!
14:08I've sunk too much time and money into this!
14:11No, thank you.
14:11Not for me.
14:12No.
14:17Hog poison. Weird.
14:19Mr. Bing said he was gonna shoot the boar.
14:22Come in. The wine is ready.
14:26Ta-da!
14:26I thought we'd bottle it together.
14:29Eh, bottling is overrated.
14:30It is? By who?
14:32The bottlers.
14:33Hey, Mr. Bing, you shot the boar, right?
14:36You didn't strangle it or poison it?
14:40Of course I shot it.
14:42Oh, okay. It's just...
14:45I see. Because I killed a bunch of people you think I'm some psycho.
14:50Look, to prove to you I've put that life behind me, I want to reach out to the community.
14:56Share our wine.
14:58We can go door to door together!
15:01You'll have to deliver it alone.
15:03My old between-the-tub-and-toilet injuries are acting up again.
15:07But you were just dancing around like Fred Astaire.
15:11And where's Fred Astaire now?
15:13Dead.
15:14Now, somewhere here is a very special bottle for Tuttle.
15:18Mr. Tuttle? Why Mr. Tuttle?
15:20He might be afraid of me on account of the Mafia connection.
15:24I want to extend an olive branch.
15:27Is this it?
15:28No. This one.
15:30It's the only green one.
15:32A nod to his curvaceous, herbaceous green lawn.
15:36Mr. Bing, you don't want to kill Mr. Tuttle, do you?
15:41What? Kill? I don't kill anymore.
15:44I won't even listen to the killers.
15:45Except I'll miss the bright side.
15:54As I walked to Mr. Tuttle's, my head was swimming with thoughts like,
15:59did Bing poison the wine?
16:01And if I delivered it, would that make me a murderer?
16:04And I wish I hadn't gotten so high this morning.
16:07Then I remembered a few of Grape Ape's antics and chuckled.
16:12But mostly, I was thinking about whether the wine was poisoned.
16:18Hold those glasses up, up, up. We're nearly at the end.
16:22I returned to my mentor after taking the wine to Tuttle's.
16:26I had made the most difficult decision of my life.
16:30Jeez, Jeffrey, you've gone as pale as shit.
16:33Did you see something in that bank shed that spooked you?
16:36There's never anything going on in the bank shed.
16:38I feel sorry for that weird little man. He's been working his tail off.
16:45Oh, he sees me. He's beckoning me over.
16:48No thank you!
16:50He's making kissy faces.
16:53Okay, he's swallowing a whole banana.
16:56Humping the air. He's really throwing the kitchen sink at me here.
17:00Wow, now he's rolling out a vibrating saddle.
17:03What would he even plug that into?
17:06Oh, he's showing me the generator.
17:09Lot of smoke coming out of that thing.
17:13Out of gas.
17:15And now he's crying.
17:18Let's have some tea.
17:22So, how did it go with Tuttle?
17:26He was happy to see me. A trusted friend.
17:30Oh, wonderful. And the wine. Was he happy to see the trusted wine?
17:35Mr. Bing, did you poison Tuttle's wine?
17:39Poison Tuttle? Of course not.
17:41I would no sooner poison Tuttle than use that creepy man's shed.
17:45I heard that through my binoculars.
17:48Oh, I'm happy again.
17:50Jeff, believe me. I did not poison Tuttle's wine.
17:55That's a relief.
17:56Hey, let's finally open some of our wine. I wanna taste it.
18:01You already are.
18:03I put some of Tuttle's wine in your tea in case you did poison it.
18:07Isn't that hilarious?
18:09Why would you do that, Jeffrey?
18:11I knew if you made up your mind to kill him, you'd never stop trying.
18:15You said it yourself. A man doesn't stop until a problem is solved.
18:19I need some air.
18:21Solo play is healthy!
18:26What's the big deal?
18:28You didn't poison it, right?
18:29I did. I did poison it.
18:31With enough hog poison to poison every hog from here to Poison Hog City.
18:36I'm gonna die.
18:38What? Oh, God! What have I done?
18:40You saw a problem, and you didn't stop until you solved it.
18:43You know what that makes you? A man.
18:47And since you're a man, I don't have to feel bad about killing you.
18:53Sorry, Bing. I took out all the bullets from your secret guns.
18:56I'm so proud of you. But I bet you didn't find the one in my sock.
19:00I got that one, too.
19:02You get the one in the freezer?
19:04Yep.
19:05Cereal box?
19:06Yep.
19:06Microwave?
19:07Yep.
19:07Inside a hollowed-out loaf of rustic ciabatta bread?
19:10Yep.
19:10The gun behind the toilet?
19:15Why did you have to send me to kill Tunnel?
19:18Because nobody would ever suspect a man of using a boy to kill a man.
19:24I suspected it. Can't you throw up the poison?
19:28I will. I'm gonna get the gun.
19:31I'm stuck. Full circle. Huh, Jeffrey?
19:35If I pull you out, will you still try to kill me?
19:38Yes.
19:39And I have to leave you trapped here, Bing.
19:42Exactly what a man would do. Go, my beautiful man. Go!
19:50Bing! I'm looking all over for you!
19:53I'm a man!
19:55Oh, yeah? Wanna show me?
19:57And then I had sex with my wife in the Bing shed.
20:01Wow. Did anyone find Bing's body?
20:05No. A bunch of wild boars ran in and ate him alive.
20:09Cheers!
20:14Can you believe all those years ago someone was trying to kill me?
20:19That was interesting to you?
20:20I was mostly drawn to the bang shed parts.
20:23What a challenge that was.
20:25Sadly, those walls didn't stand for long.
20:27Demolished later that summer by a 0.4 earthquake.
20:30Nothing I could do except go to court.
20:32You might be familiar with my landmark lawsuit.
20:35General Napoleon Boner Parts versus the United States Geological Survey.
20:40It made the papers.
20:41Creep left out of court.
20:44Oh, that's just the headline. Keep reading.
20:46It gets worse.
20:48You better lawyer up, boar.
20:50Napoleon Boner Parts will see you in court.
20:53Bye. Have a beautiful time.
Comments