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00:01This organisation is not financially viable.
00:03How much does that cost? I'm a corporate robot.
00:06Is that my suit?
00:07Did you get the email I sent you about the Pulse 54 program?
00:09Is that a Scott guy? You know he's like a cult leader basically.
00:12I'm not a cult leader, he's a gymfluencer.
00:14Mum reckons she's getting a big star.
00:15It's Caitlin Allard.
00:16What? Can you believe that?
00:17Caitlin is her sister.
00:19You know I could have sold out to Hollywood.
00:20Better get along.
00:21Even better.
00:22Let's get her in here.
00:26So what you want to do is imagine that the voice is flowing from the top of the body,
00:31down and then out through the anus.
00:34What?
00:35This is a legitimate voice and body exercise alright?
00:37Can you take it seriously please?
00:39Sorry.
00:39Okay.
00:40And then it's as if the voice is paint,
00:42and you are painting the back wall with your anus.
00:48Can you feel it in your sex?
00:50Better!
00:57Ooh, I love a panel, Chatelot.
00:59Reminds me of the time Papa took me to Paris, right?
01:01And we were...
01:02Morning!
01:02I'll tell you the rest of that later.
01:04Come find me.
01:05Okay, everyone got the agenda?
01:06Let me get started.
01:07I have crunched the numbers,
01:09and decided to move the peasant show into the smaller theatre.
01:12What?
01:12Do you mean les pises en moi t'interes?
01:15Oui.
01:15You've only sold 15% of tickets.
01:17But people just buy them on the night.
01:19Yeah.
01:19It's not the 90s.
01:20Last time you felt anything.
01:21Okay, can we keep the personal stuff out of it, just for once?
01:24So what are you going to put on in the big theatre instead?
01:26Oh, let me guess.
01:27Caitlin's off Broadway show.
01:28Oh, someone's been talking.
01:30Give him a couple of white wines, he'll sing like a canary.
01:32No, that's not true.
01:33Your sister, Caitlin, has 2 million online followers.
01:37That is how you shift tickets.
01:38But you don't have her yet, do you?
01:40Of course she doesn't.
01:41Following a few leads.
01:42I mean, do you ever talk to her?
01:43I mean, obviously I've got her personal number,
01:45but I'm not going to give you that.
01:46Do you have it though?
01:48Yes.
01:49Of course I've got it.
01:50We talk all the time.
01:52We were talking yesterday about some character notes for a play,
01:58films that she's doing in Slovakia, weirdly.
02:01Yeah?
02:02Yeah.
02:03Wow.
02:05No, well, okay.
02:05Why don't we just call her?
02:06Let's call her!
02:07Sure.
02:08You don't have to.
02:09No, no, call her.
02:09Call her.
02:10She loves to hear from me.
02:11Please don't.
02:12Hey, Caitlin, it's Marks.
02:16Um, hey, I was thinking about that second scene.
02:19What's his love language there?
02:21Because that might help you to sort of like get into the...
02:26Oh, sorry, Caitlin.
02:27I've got call waiting.
02:29Just a moment.
02:33Hi, Margie, it's Julia.
02:35Hi, Julia.
02:37Why are you calling me while I'm on the phone to Caitlin?
02:39Because I don't think you're on the phone to Caitlin.
02:41Yes, I am.
02:42Um, so Caitlin's...
02:43Still me.
02:44Slovakia?
02:44Is that...
02:45Is that hot at this time?
02:46Get off the phone.
02:47Bye, Caitlin.
02:48Bye, bye.
02:48She's gone.
02:51So...
02:51That was uncomfortable, wasn't it?
02:56How is Caitlin?
02:59Ryan, you're young.
03:00How do I get online followers like this?
03:02Like, look at Caitlin.
03:03Content.
03:04Like what?
03:05Anything.
03:06Songs, stories, photos, videos.
03:08Yeah.
03:09I mean, look at this.
03:13Caitlin can sing.
03:14Yeah.
03:15And look at that, 30,000 likes.
03:16Yeah, I can sing.
03:17I think it was always hard for Caitlin growing up because we were both triple threats.
03:20But then I had the looks as well, so I was like a quadruple threat.
03:24You know what I mean?
03:26Yeah.
03:28Must have been really rough for her.
03:30Yeah.
03:30So, Pulse 54, what's happening today?
03:35Ooh, someone's online.
03:39Can I do it?
03:40Let's do it.
03:41Let's do it.
03:43Oh, shit.
03:45Hi, this is Scott from Pulse 54.
03:47Oh.
03:49Hi, Scott.
03:50It's Julia McNamara from your gym.
03:52Oh, Julia.
03:53Hello.
03:54Yeah, you're one of my top ten clients.
03:56Wow.
03:56Top ten.
03:57Okay, well, you're in my number one of trainers.
04:00Sorry, I have to go.
04:01I'll call you back, Scott.
04:02Bye.
04:03Do you have the Wi-Fi password?
04:06Shakespeare 88.
04:07Oh, thanks.
04:08Excuse me, who are you?
04:10Julian Assange.
04:14Come in the morning warm-up, J-Mac?
04:17Yes, okay.
04:18But my anus is staying shut.
04:21Uh, yeah, absolutely.
04:23You know, your body, your rules.
04:26Alright, we are finally here.
04:27The Assange story opens this week.
04:30Yes, it's a powerful one-man play about exposing the truth at all costs.
04:36Sorry, didn't Julian Assange break the law?
04:38Um, some laws are meant to be broken.
04:40Here we go.
04:41Lefties preaching to lefties yet again.
04:43My gosh, Mum.
04:44So embarrassing.
04:45Gary's going to be in the building until we open, and he just wants to say a few words
04:49about his process.
04:50Thank you, Gary.
04:51I will be going full method for this role.
04:53Okay, so I'd appreciate if you would call me Julian Assange.
04:56Yeah.
04:57Or Mendax for the Trainspotters.
04:59His dedication to the craft is extraordinary.
05:01Yeah.
05:01He did a computer science course at TAFE for this.
05:04Authenticity.
05:05That means I'll be in character at all times, both on stage and off.
05:08Right, I wear his clothes.
05:10I carry his laptop.
05:11Mm-hmm.
05:12I feel his pain.
05:13Yeah.
05:14If I seem a little angry or sad, it's only because I am in exile in my heart.
05:20Maybe we should lock Julian in the cupboard and call it Ecuador.
05:24Oh.
05:24Oh.
05:25Jeez.
05:27Right.
05:27I have tracked down the number for the assistant to Caitlin's LA agent's assistant.
05:32Major breakthrough, J-Mac.
05:34Let's call America.
05:37Okay.
05:40Hello?
05:42Julia McNamara calling, CEO of the Argyle Theatre in Melbourne, Australia.
05:48Oh, that's rude.
05:49They need a tariff on manners over there.
05:52What does that mean?
05:53Because of rude and American.
05:57Right.
05:57Sorry, why does no one in this place have Caitlin's number?
06:00Didn't she used to do plays here?
06:02Isn't she supposedly Margie's sister?
06:04Yeah.
06:04I can't work out what's going on with this dysfunctional family.
06:07Do you need someone to explain the family dynamic to you?
06:09Could you?
06:10Yes, I can.
06:11I'm going to need a whiteboard.
06:13Give me a minute.
06:14You could have just told me.
06:17And there you go.
06:18You're all signed up.
06:19Yeah, great.
06:20So anyone could just sign up to as many accounts as they wanted to.
06:24Like, you could just, anyone could just go, oh, there you go, another one.
06:27If you have an email address, yeah, you could make thousands.
06:31And this is the Argyle's page here?
06:33Yeah.
06:34140 followers.
06:35Wow, that is fantastic.
06:36It's really shit.
06:37Is it?
06:38Yeah.
06:38Yeah.
06:38But wait till I get on there, though.
06:40It'll go through the roof.
06:42So, Harmony is Jeremy's third wife, also Caitlin's mother.
06:47You got it.
06:48This relationship ended his relationship with Margie's mother.
06:52Or it was the other way around.
06:53He was a bit of a pants man.
06:55Who's this?
06:55Oh, that's wifey number one.
06:57That was only two years.
06:58Two?
06:58How are there four children?
06:59Glad you asked.
07:00These three were steps with her previous marriage.
07:03Should I get another board?
07:04That's not a barbarous step.
07:05That's Margie's half-brother with Jennifer.
07:08Oh my god, you're right.
07:09How does that work?
07:10Yeah.
07:13I can see a pattern emerging.
07:15Gary?
07:15No, Julian.
07:17Keep at it.
07:21Hello Jane.
07:24Phil.
07:26Welcome.
07:30Hello.
07:32Hello Lloyd.
07:35Hello.
07:37Hello.
07:39Where is everyone?
07:42Alright.
07:43So, in summation.
07:44Harmony is Caitlin's mum.
07:45Caitlin was born in Paris.
07:47Margie's mum is Jennifer.
07:48Jeremy left Jennifer for Harmony.
07:50That should clear everything up.
07:52There was one in Barcelona.
07:53No, there wasn't Donna.
07:53No one's got a good word to say about Harmony.
07:55She left her wine in my wig room once and I'm like, get your filthy chardonnay away from Lady Macbeth.
08:00Yeah, okay.
08:00Can we focus on Caitlin please?
08:01Is she married?
08:02Have you ever read a magazine?
08:04Business Review Weekly?
08:05Yeah.
08:05Every month.
08:06There have been eight reporter proposals to Caitlin but they're all wasting her time.
08:09She's married to her job.
08:10Very relatable, right?
08:12Mm-hmm.
08:13What?
08:15Yes, can I help you?
08:16Caitlin Allard, eh?
08:18Sign here.
08:19That signature might be worth something someday.
08:21Yeah, she could sing.
08:22Oh, why is everyone obsessed with her?
08:24Well, if we're listing dally answers, I suppose.
08:27You know, it couldn't hurt to add one special night up onto the board.
08:32No biggie.
08:34Just...
08:34Get over it.
08:35Really?
08:36We all know, Christian.
08:37Oh, don't forget, Caitlin dated Hot Props back in their 20s.
08:40Oh my god.
08:41That's right.
08:43Hang on, who's Hot Props?
08:44Have you not been able to set some props yet?
08:46Why would I go there?
08:47Make sure you set aside a few hours.
08:49Boring.
08:50Sorry.
08:50There's someone still working here who dated Caitlin called Hot Props.
08:57What is going on out there?
08:59I don't care.
09:01Just...
09:01I'm gonna go find Hot Props, see if he's got Caitlin's number.
09:05Oh, no, no.
09:06Julia, don't call him Hot.
09:08Ugh.
09:08Everyone thinks she's perfect, but it was my cabbage veg doll, you know?
09:12And she just took it.
09:13Caitlin, you just took it, you know?
09:15And then she starts gaslighting me about it.
09:18And of course, Papa takes her side, always takes her side.
09:21But it was my name on the birth certificate, you know?
09:24Yeah, I know.
09:25And why am I signing for couriers, Christian?
09:28Sorry about that.
09:29I'll be cleaning the toilets next.
09:31You don't love that, would you?
09:32Oh, no.
09:32Scrubbing away.
09:33Yeah, you will.
09:34You don't love that.
09:35No scrubbing.
09:36No scrubbing.
09:36No scrubbing.
09:39Sorry about that.
09:40You alright?
09:40You'd never catch Caitlin doing that.
09:42No way.
09:43Absolutely not.
09:43Hey, can I offer you two free tickets to a fantastic show we have coming up of La Pisson
09:49Amoiti Entere.
09:51No.
09:52No.
09:54Hello?
09:57Ah, Hot Props.
09:59What?
10:00Why did you call me?
10:02Uh, they said your name was Hot Props?
10:07Who's been calling me that?
10:08No one.
10:09No.
10:10I misspoke.
10:12They said, guy down there makes Hot Props.
10:15Well, my name is Pete and I'm part of the team.
10:18Yes, you are Pete.
10:19You're a huge part of the team.
10:20So I'm here to introduce myself, Julian McNamara, new CEO of the Argyle Theatre.
10:24Quick question.
10:25Did you ever date Caitlin Allard?
10:26You're not in trouble.
10:27It's not an HR issue.
10:28No, I did.
10:28You did?
10:29I did.
10:29I actually just started working here when I met her.
10:31Had you?
10:31Interesting.
10:32Where was I working before that?
10:33I don't know.
10:35I was selling paintballing in a supermarket.
10:37Were you?
10:38Okay.
10:38Not paintballing in the middle of supermarkets.
10:41Right.
10:42Okay.
10:42Wait, hang on.
10:43I'll just say the same thing again.
10:44I was in the supermarket selling paintballing.
10:47Selling paintballing somewhere else.
10:49Yeah.
10:49A little bit like a voucher.
10:50You get it.
10:50Ah, yes.
10:51I get that.
10:52And are you still in touch?
10:53Nope.
10:53They shut down.
10:54With Caitlin Allard.
10:56Oh yeah, right.
10:57I might have her phone number.
10:58That would be wonderful.
10:59Let's have a look for that.
11:04What's in that file?
11:05Just work, I think.
11:07At the end of the day, it's the government lying to the people.
11:10Yeah.
11:11I'll give you an example.
11:13Gary has 38 outstanding parking fines.
11:15Oh, sorry.
11:16Who's Gary?
11:18But that's me when I'm a major.
11:19Oh, sorry.
11:19Yeah, yeah, no, yeah.
11:20But that's really the state controlling his freedom of movement.
11:23And who really benefits from the revenue raised by fines?
11:27Big business.
11:28Now you're getting it.
11:29Right.
11:29There you are.
11:29There you are.
11:30I need your help to go viral.
11:31Come on.
11:31Follow me.
11:32Be careful.
11:34It's the internet.
11:38This is her.
11:39That's my Collie Cross.
11:40Do you like dogs?
11:41Um, yeah.
11:43Sure.
11:43Of course you do.
11:44Who doesn't?
11:45She's about to jump off.
11:46It's a long video.
11:47Should we go to the end?
11:49No.
11:49No, no.
11:50I just feel like if we just went to...
11:51Oh.
11:52Just made it go back into the photos.
11:54Maybe check in contacts for it?
11:56For my dog?
11:57For Caitlin Ellard.
11:59That you used to date.
12:00I'm so sorry.
12:01That's right.
12:02I need contacts.
12:03Contacts.
12:05No.
12:06I don't have it.
12:07Ah.
12:07I don't have it.
12:09Your phone.
12:10Maybe.
12:10Maybe.
12:12I don't know.
12:13It might be a problem with the cloud.
12:15I'm just saying, it's lucky he's hot because I have never met anyone so boring
12:20and I worked in a bank.
12:21Really?
12:21Boring?
12:22I mean, I won't deny he's a smoke show, but you didn't call him hot props to his face,
12:26did you?
12:27I did.
12:27Thank you for the warning on that.
12:29What's this?
12:31God, we're getting a lot of activity on the socials today.
12:34What's going on?
12:34A lot of people are very interested in Margie playing the lead role and...
12:38Actually, let's not bother eating those.
12:40It's all brain rot online, isn't it?
12:41It's all nonsense.
12:42What?
12:43I wouldn't even...
12:43I wouldn't even...
12:44I can't believe you called hot props, hot props to his face.
12:47You're crazy.
12:47What do you like?
12:48Don't touch my phone like that.
12:49What are you...
12:50What are you...
12:50Wow!
12:51It's a game we play.
12:53It's called foam frisbee.
12:54And it's normal that I did that.
13:01Oh, I see.
13:02These are about me.
13:04New CEO looks like a neoliberal wet dream featuring Margaret Court.
13:10Bank Tard.
13:11What is it?
13:11Can't say that.
13:12You can't say that anymore.
13:13The Lost Kransky Sister.
13:15Garth from Wayne's World.
13:17Classic movie.
13:18Schwing.
13:19Sorry.
13:20You need to find out who's posting these comments.
13:22Yeah.
13:22I will.
13:23I will.
13:23Just...
13:24I don't know.
13:25Call Instagram.
13:28Okay, so when I do a thumbs up, it means we're live.
13:30Live.
13:31And what?
13:31Yeah.
13:32Just socials.
13:33Everything.
13:33Like everywhere.
13:34Yeah.
13:35People can just join.
13:36We're just live.
13:37So people can join.
13:37Yeah.
13:38A podcast.
13:39Okay then.
13:39Let's do it.
13:41Thumbs up.
13:42Yeah.
13:43So that means we're live.
13:44Here we go.
13:46Four, three, two, one.
13:48Not needed.
13:49It's already rolling.
13:50We've been live for 15 seconds.
13:52Hi, I'm Margie Argyle and I'm the artistic director here at the Argyle Theatre.
13:57But I'm also a storyteller.
13:58I'm a truth custodian.
14:00I'm a disruptor.
14:00I'm a feminist.
14:01I'm a witch.
14:02I'm a woman.
14:03Yep.
14:03Okay.
14:04Let's go and see what the Argyle team is up to.
14:08Let's go.
14:08Ooh.
14:09Is that close?
14:10Nah.
14:11You're good.
14:14Let's continue our tour.
14:15We are in the creative heart of the building here.
14:19Who's feeling it today?
14:20Whoa.
14:21Energy is up in here.
14:22If anyone feels like they just want to get up and do a 30 second dance party.
14:30You know, I just say to people in this space, you know, like if you've got an idea, just
14:34go with it, you know, follow the creative flow.
14:36Hey, whoa.
14:39Hey.
14:42Hey, hey.
14:46Hey.
14:48Hey.
14:50Hey.
14:51Hey.
14:52Hey.
14:52ay.
14:57Hey.
14:57Hey.
14:57Hey, it's Julie McNamara, our new CEO.
15:00Hey, hey, hey.
15:02Come on, why don't you go here?
15:04Hey.
15:05Go here.
15:06Hey.
15:06And I'll come in.
15:07Hey, hey.
15:09No, I don't want to do that.
15:10Yep, really good for your fun-loving reputation, Mum.
15:13Ruined.
15:14Well, speaking of that, who has been posting about me
15:16on the Argyle Socials account?
15:18Was it you, Ryan?
15:20What, me? No.
15:21I just helped Margie get online, that's all.
15:23Well, Christian will be looking into it
15:25and we will find the troll.
15:27Don't know how to find trolls, but, yeah,
15:29add that to my list.
15:31Everybody is under scrutiny.
15:32Don't film me.
15:33No, put it up.
15:34Because you can't stop me putting stuff online.
15:36I think that's something we can all learn
15:38from the Assange story this week.
15:39That everyone should go online and make content
15:41and authorities can't come in and control the internet
15:47for who wants to go on there.
15:50That's exactly right.
15:51Come on, Ryan, let's go.
15:52Let's go see wigs and wardrobe.
15:54Hey, no, no.
15:57Me.
15:58This.
15:59Heyy!
16:01Wiigse and wardrobe.
16:05Hello.
16:06Hi Gary.
16:07Juliet.
16:09Yeah, sorry, Juliet.
16:10Hey.
16:11Did you get the feeling of being watched?
16:15no not really anyway someone in this office is not being honest and i've been given the
16:21responsibility to find out who it is so tell me gary julian yeah sorry do you know what you think
16:28about hacking okay so going like this and then we throw it up okay wrong arm throw it up again
16:35oh that was the same arm okay um i actually wanted to ask you something you weren't the
16:40one trolling mum right no of course not because i know she's annoying but she's not like a bad
16:45person or anything i guess the truth always comes out online doesn't it come on let's record this
16:49let's go let's go viral we've got this yeah we do yeah remember let's go uh-huh
16:59nice okay should we go from the top oh you're still gonna go okay
17:11sorry what are you doing at my computer just a bit of classified work classified work why
17:15about what oh come on gary julian you can tell me we've known each other for years
17:22remember that night in adelaide gary's never been to adelaide oh that's right because gary
17:26was married back then wasn't he look all i'll say is somebody's going to be exposed
17:31i've got what i need how did you know my password it was password yeah it's a password i've got
17:37to
17:37change that i'll change it to margie all right so i've called this snap meeting because there's been
17:45a dramatic increase of online activity on the argyle socials ordinarily that would be a good thing but
17:51it's actually raised quite a lot of suspicions because we we don't normally get any activity there
17:56so i'm gonna hand over to gary now julian julian the 11th time well the alarm bells were first
18:03raised when i found these posts under this image of margie in the lead role of the peasant let's take
18:09a look margie argyle i've been a long time fan and finally it's her not caitlin wow omg can't wait
18:18for this margie argyle is a quadruple threat spot on thanks margie argyle she's an artistic genius
18:25oh my god oh no margie and finally big name brand no not that one margie argyle is a good
18:34singer
18:35not caitlin it quickly became clear that the posts were coming from inside this very building
18:40and after some rudimentary hacking i am now able to reveal the identity of the person doing the post
18:47oh shut up gary it's julian and let the man speak the truth must prevail remember but what am i
18:52supposed to do you know why should caitlin get to come in here and take everything away from me
18:56again i'm a big name too sweetheart okay i think the ball will agree that this is a fireable offence
19:02maybe but what's more alarming is the evidence of hours and hours of company time being spent
19:08on a website called pulse 54. oh no mum what is that all right shut up gary it's julian so
19:16embarrassing
19:16no this is important information that needs to be exposed to the board at all costs and you'll
19:22both be named in my report oh my god what have you guys done i've got every conspiracy theory loon
19:31on the phone one of the videos you two made went viral oh that's good it's great no it's awesome
19:37the buzz is building for lapis on a multi-entered it's great it's not that gary's in the background
19:41of the video and everyone in the comments thinks julian assange is hiding out of the theater oh jesus
19:46there's a bunch of media people outside oh show me the video yeah
19:52zip it a oh yeah that's good great yeah thank you this is what a feminist does
19:59sorry what's this got to do with feminism i'm moving my body and i look hot and there's nothing
20:04any man can do about it there's a man right there in the video yeah i don't know oh there
20:10who's that oh jesus it's good promo though yeah no it isn't he just said conspiracy nuts are watching
20:16this what do we want a theater full of flat earthers well they deserve art too oh margie come on
20:20well just delete it come on ryan press delete let's all move on done you can't delete videos from the
20:25internet anymore margie you've already been memed you're a meme well thank you i've got to keep
20:29him out of sight julian this way i didn't do the ones about your glasses by the way
20:33i don't believe you it wasn't me it's just actual feedback about your glasses just take it on board
20:38mom do you know gary's becoming a bit of a problem i think he actually thinks he's assange
20:44he's lost the plot do you know he has 38 outstanding parking fines does he does he that's a lot
20:50she'd be terrible if someone called the police yeah would be terrible look i know this implicates
20:58both of you but i need to give this information to the board i mean can't you see even if
21:01it costs
21:02me everything whatever you think is the right thing to do you do it julian gotta do it i mean
21:07you just
21:07have to do this gary strand no it's julian oh no look you've got 38 outstanding parking fines okay
21:13you mind coming with us please sir no they're trying to silence me no you just gotta stop parking
21:18on gertrude street mate hey gary who called the police who was it i don't know somebody needs to
21:25leak that document to the board yeah i'll make sure carmel gets that deep state corruption that's what
21:29this is good luck locking me up do you want to pop that in the shredder darling thank you thank
21:34you
21:41so apparently he broke bail and now gary's in ballarat hiding in his ex-wife's house he's worried
21:45if he comes back to melbourne they'll capture him why doesn't he just download a parking app
21:49okay gang after the gary news story we've finally sold enough tickets in the small theater to wait
21:55for it break even tonight's already sold out it's amazing yeah the show must go on i'm just glad all
22:03that social media stuff is behind us you know i just feel like it promotes a distorted view of
22:07reality and comparison culture i don't want anything more to do with it oh my gosh margie our dancing
22:11video we did got three million likes are you joking me no look at this show me way more than
22:16caitlin's
22:16ever got show me i'll suck shit bitch sorry i hope she's seen it oh caitlin's seen it everyone's seen
22:23it caitlin's agent has even seen it how do i know just had her on the phone what the theater's
22:29got
22:29huge buzz now so caitlin wants to talk about doing her show right here at the argyle that's all thanks
22:34to you margie well done round of applause for margie come on artistic genius
22:41benefit
22:42you
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