- 4 hours ago
Good Omens S03E01
Category
š„
Short filmTranscript
00:00:12I can't believe it's over.
00:00:14An over and a glorious victory, Aziraphale.
00:00:18Quite outstanding.
00:00:19Yes, I suppose so.
00:00:21At a cost, of course.
00:00:23How many did we lose in the last offensive?
00:00:25About a hundred, I'm afraid.
00:00:27They took us by surprise.
00:00:28The whole thing was ghastly.
00:00:30Aziraphale was inspiring and a remarkable strategist.
00:00:35Just doing my job.
00:00:37The battle fought here, at the center of all creation.
00:00:41Turned the tide.
00:00:43They tried to gain control of the Eternal Flame.
00:00:46And they lost!
00:00:49Better tell the troops the good news, eh?
00:00:58The ship got caught in the the next attack.
00:01:17The ship got caught in it.
00:01:18The ship got caught in it.
00:01:19I'm not sure how the ship has caught.
00:01:25To the battle are the past.
00:01:27This attack is a very powerful target.
00:01:27No, I lost it in the last battle.
00:01:31Hello. I'm, uh...
00:01:32General Azirafel, I know who you are.
00:01:34I saw you on the battlefield.
00:01:36I have a lot of questions,
00:01:38and nobody ever has the answers.
00:01:52It may hurt,
00:01:54but, uh, it'll help to staunch the wound a little.
00:01:58You know, I've spent the war smiting rebel angels.
00:02:02I've never done this before.
00:02:06Should I say thank you?
00:02:09Better not.
00:02:26Thank you for the bandage.
00:02:28Probably best if you don't, uh...
00:02:31Don't tell anyone how you got it.
00:02:38Good luck.
00:02:53Good luck.
00:03:03Good luck.
00:03:04Good luck.
00:03:23And well done, everyone, on Plan Second Coming.
00:03:29And in addition, I'd like to congratulate Michael and the team
00:03:34on solving the logistics of materializing a full-size plane
00:03:38carrying a human passenger in mid-flight.
00:03:44I'm glad to see you're all as excited as I am.
00:03:47Any updates?
00:03:48Ah, yes, Muriel.
00:03:51You wanted me to tell you when he was awake and incarnate.
00:03:55Well, he is both.
00:03:58Wonderful. And how did he take it?
00:04:00Oh, pretty well. He's a bit...
00:04:03Whoa, I've got a body. What's this about, then?
00:04:06And I'm all, not really my job.
00:04:09And he's all, I have absolutely no idea what's happening.
00:04:11And I'm all...
00:04:12Everything is set.
00:04:14We have the quite long checklist you gave us, Aziraphale.
00:04:19Nothing will go wrong.
00:04:21The car will meet the plane on the tarmac.
00:04:24The archangel Sandalfon, good fellow,
00:04:26will drive the risen Christ directly to the United Nations,
00:04:29where Uriel and Michael will meet him.
00:04:33Perhaps with a cup of tea.
00:04:35Then Jesus will make his speech
00:04:37to all the nations of the world,
00:04:39in all the tongues of the world,
00:04:41and then joy unbounded,
00:04:43peace on earth,
00:04:44and all that good stuff.
00:04:46Peace on earth.
00:04:48Right, any questions?
00:04:49No?
00:04:49Good.
00:04:49Right, let's kick off the second coming.
00:04:56Oh, hello.
00:04:58Um, so I'm pretty sure...
00:05:00I am Joshua, uh, son of Joseph.
00:05:04Now, my memory's a bit funny,
00:05:06but, um, the last thing I remember,
00:05:08I was being crucified,
00:05:09you transcended the flesh,
00:05:11but now you're back, new flesh,
00:05:13and we're sending you back to earth
00:05:15to bring about universal happiness.
00:05:18Are you sure you've got the right person?
00:05:20Oh, absolutely, sir.
00:05:22You've spent the last couple thousand years
00:05:24as part of the Triune Godhead,
00:05:26but now you've got a mortal body again,
00:05:28so you can talk to humanity, you know.
00:05:31Mortal to mortal.
00:05:32And tell them it's the end times.
00:05:35Well, not quite.
00:05:37Not quite?
00:05:39No, that whole apoc...
00:05:41Um, it must be old-fashioned.
00:05:44You know, times have changed,
00:05:45and I was thinking we might try something
00:05:47a little more upbeat.
00:05:48Oh, look out.
00:05:49Here comes universal happiness.
00:05:51No. End times.
00:05:53Or...
00:05:54not.
00:05:55Happiness, universal.
00:05:57Joy unbounded, et cetera.
00:05:59Has this been signed off?
00:06:00Yes, by me.
00:06:01I'm in charge.
00:06:02For now.
00:06:03Sorry?
00:06:04Nothing.
00:06:04Where are the scars?
00:06:06I had good carpenter's hands.
00:06:08Whole new miraculous physical body.
00:06:10You've got to have a body.
00:06:12Otherwise they're all...
00:06:13Who said that?
00:06:14You just need to give a speech.
00:06:16Aziraphale has prepared it for you.
00:06:18You will be on every television,
00:06:21every phone,
00:06:22and each person on Earth
00:06:23will hear you talking to them
00:06:24in their own language.
00:06:26Miracle.
00:06:27I'm sure it'll be very...
00:06:29motivational.
00:06:30I think we need to revisit the end times.
00:06:32No, we don't.
00:06:33And all the smiting we have to do.
00:06:35I'm not really following any of this.
00:06:36Um, are any of my friends here?
00:06:39Uh, uh, Simon or Thomas?
00:06:42I'd quite like to talk to them.
00:06:44It's been a long time.
00:06:45My mom?
00:06:46Thousands of years.
00:06:48All the humans you once knew
00:06:51are, um, dead.
00:06:54Really?
00:06:57Well, what about the angel
00:07:00who visited to give me strength
00:07:02the night before
00:07:03or the, um,
00:07:04the nailing business?
00:07:06Um, Gabriel,
00:07:07I think he said...
00:07:07Oh, did he?
00:07:08Yes.
00:07:09He wasn't a lot of help,
00:07:10to be honest.
00:07:10I mean, he mainly spoke about himself.
00:07:12But...
00:07:12Also, um,
00:07:14not in the picture any longer.
00:07:15Well, that must be...
00:07:16Wait, the redhead one!
00:07:17With the, um,
00:07:18with the funny eyes!
00:07:20Oh!
00:07:21He showed me
00:07:22all the cities of the world.
00:07:24Oh, he was one of your lot, too!
00:07:25Wasn't he?
00:07:26Um,
00:07:27not human?
00:07:28Yeah, oh,
00:07:28is he still around?
00:07:29Not up here,
00:07:30or in hell.
00:07:31He's down on Earth these days.
00:07:32Not really our kind of person.
00:07:34Oh, wait,
00:07:35no, but he seemed nice.
00:07:36Yes, he has, uh,
00:07:38qualities.
00:07:39Okay, well, I mean,
00:07:40if I've got to go to Earth anyway...
00:07:41That won't be appropriate,
00:07:42I'm afraid.
00:07:42Our sandal form here
00:07:43will be looking after you.
00:07:45Find her.
00:07:46Oh.
00:07:53Wait!
00:07:54Mrs. Sandwich!
00:07:55I'm not giving you anything, Crowley!
00:07:57Oh, come on,
00:07:58Mrs. Sandwich!
00:07:59Come on,
00:07:59150 quid.
00:08:00Tonight,
00:08:00I will finally get it back.
00:08:02Brian won't give up anything
00:08:03he won fair and square, love.
00:08:04This time it'll be different.
00:08:08Thank you very much.
00:08:10Oh.
00:08:11Fresh wood.
00:08:13I'll be back.
00:08:17We have a winner, Mr. Crowley.
00:08:18It's just not Mr. Nods.
00:08:20When you've designed star systems,
00:08:22blackjacks are normal.
00:08:23Huh?
00:08:24Another win?
00:08:25Boom!
00:08:27Ha, ha!
00:08:29Come to daddy.
00:08:32Oh!
00:08:36Oh, hello, Misty!
00:08:38Oh.
00:08:39It's no fun being drunk on your own.
00:08:41Come on.
00:08:42There's a funny story about the rivers.
00:08:44Or dolphins.
00:08:46Come on!
00:08:47How much have I won today?
00:08:49About a hundred grand.
00:08:50Ooh!
00:08:52Hundred thousand smack-a-roonies!
00:08:55That's got to be enough to get Brian out the back room!
00:08:58You know it never ends well.
00:09:00Take it from me, son.
00:09:02Take the win.
00:09:04Ah!
00:09:05Billy!
00:09:06It's the big B.C.
00:09:08Hundred thousand quid.
00:09:09Come on.
00:09:10That's more than it's ever worth.
00:09:11No, I want it.
00:09:13Cars mine.
00:09:15I'll toss you for it.
00:09:16Double of nothing.
00:09:16You heard what you said.
00:09:18Customers always right.
00:09:19I'd see you by, too.
00:09:20Uh, mates.
00:09:21Come here, sir.
00:09:22Yeah.
00:09:22Please, sir.
00:09:24Right, now.
00:09:24You find the lady, and the Bentley's yours.
00:09:47That's a shame.
00:09:49Bentley's still mine.
00:09:53I've lost worse things than that.
00:09:57All right, you're a loser, Crowley.
00:10:00You don't even come here to lose.
00:10:02You could have walked out here a very rich man.
00:10:08Because you're a mug.
00:10:23Were you good?
00:10:28What do you think of the speech?
00:10:31I think it's a bit on the nose.
00:10:35I, um...
00:10:36I like telling stories.
00:10:38Uh, parables, if you will.
00:10:41Which, um, which draw people in.
00:10:43Aziraphale wrote it.
00:10:44It's been market-tested.
00:10:46On him.
00:10:50Metatron level.
00:10:55What?
00:10:57What are you doing there?
00:10:59You know you are not allowed up here.
00:11:03And what are you doing with that?
00:11:05Give it to me!
00:11:07I am the only entity authorized to...
00:11:13I...
00:11:24Stay here.
00:11:32Somebody sounded the alarm.
00:11:33That would have been me.
00:11:35Something's wrong.
00:11:36Metatron's vanished.
00:11:38Vanished?
00:11:39Could he have gone for a walk?
00:11:41He's not in the universe.
00:11:43That's ridiculous.
00:11:44I mean...
00:11:45A long walk.
00:11:46The only way the Metatron would be gone from the universe is if there wasn't a Metatron any longer.
00:11:51If he was dead, you mean?
00:11:52Of course the Metatron's not dead.
00:11:56Sandalphon?
00:11:58Where's Jesus?
00:12:05Oh.
00:12:14Hurry up!
00:12:18Oh, God!
00:12:19Come on!
00:12:20Come on!
00:12:21Come on!
00:12:31Come on!
00:12:32Oh, hello. Excuse me.
00:12:35I'm out of cash, mate. Sorry.
00:12:37No, no. Something smells good.
00:12:39I haven't eaten in a long time.
00:12:43Here.
00:12:45Toasted cheese, sarnie.
00:12:46You need it more than I do.
00:12:49Mmm.
00:12:52This is really kind of you.
00:12:54You know, Mel's a man who had three sons.
00:12:57Sorry, mate. Food I can do.
00:12:59But I'm not really up to stories.
00:13:02Oh, actually, I'm looking for, um...
00:13:06He has, um...
00:13:07He has red hair and yellow eyes.
00:13:09He knows a lot of things.
00:13:11I think he's an angel?
00:13:14Don't know.
00:13:21Excuse me.
00:13:24Excuse me.
00:13:25I'm sorry to wake you.
00:13:26I'm not asleep. I'm not cold.
00:13:28Oh.
00:13:29Would you like some of my cheese sarnie?
00:13:31Oh, leave me alone.
00:13:32It was...
00:13:34Heartbroken.
00:13:36The world broken.
00:13:37It's...
00:13:38It's a point of everything.
00:13:39I-I wanted to ask you.
00:13:40You showed me all those cities.
00:13:42What should I do now?
00:13:43The thing is...
00:13:44The thing is...
00:13:47The thing is, isn't it?
00:13:48What's that saying?
00:13:49You were saying the thing is...
00:13:50That thing of the three cars, isn't it?
00:13:55Always...
00:13:55Find the lady.
00:13:57You learn that.
00:13:58You're set.
00:13:59Find the lady.
00:14:00Love tunnel, bring the baby.
00:14:01The lips.
00:14:02Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle.
00:14:06I wanted to go in the wrong place, didn't I?
00:14:09The thing with the three cars.
00:14:12Find the lady.
00:14:13And if I learn to find the lady with the three cars, that will help me understand my purpose here.
00:14:20You...
00:14:21Are...
00:14:22Taking up my valuable...
00:14:25Passing out wrong time.
00:14:26Be gone.
00:14:27Alright.
00:14:28Night-night.
00:14:30Night-night.
00:14:31Night-night.
00:14:33Obviously, if Jesus won't be in the Earth observation files, the Antichrist wasn't.
00:14:37But the Book of Life is something else entirely.
00:14:42So, where is it?
00:14:43Well, it should be on that lectern.
00:14:47Where it's been since the dawn of time.
00:14:49You can't just walk away.
00:14:51Need to report this.
00:14:52There's not currently anyone to report to.
00:14:54The Metatron's done a bunk, remember?
00:14:56Indeed.
00:14:57No Metatron.
00:14:57As the former Archangel Sandalfon says.
00:14:59Former Archangel?
00:15:01Unfortunate demotion.
00:15:02Because of losing the Messiah.
00:15:03But you can't.
00:15:04We can't lose Jesus and the Book of Life at the same time.
00:15:07Two things.
00:15:08No, we've also lost the Metatron.
00:15:10Three things.
00:15:11Help!
00:15:13Oh dear.
00:15:16Lot on your plate.
00:15:18Balls being dropped.
00:15:21Look, why don't I try to locate the Book of Life with, um, with...
00:15:28Muriel as my investigating angel.
00:15:32And then I can focus on finding Jesus.
00:15:34Yes.
00:15:34Yes.
00:15:35Yes.
00:15:35Excellent plan.
00:15:38A demotion.
00:15:40He didn't mean it, did he?
00:15:41I'm afraid he did.
00:15:42Junior recording angel Sandalfon.
00:15:51Hmm.
00:15:53Hmm.
00:15:55Hmm.
00:15:55Hmm.
00:15:56Hmm.
00:15:57Hmm.
00:15:58Do you think he's dangerous?
00:15:59Not anymore.
00:16:01Well, but...
00:16:02Somebody prod him.
00:16:04He's pretending he's asleep.
00:16:07Ha!
00:16:08I quit, Dagon.
00:16:10Didn't you get the memo?
00:16:13Um...
00:16:16You didn't send a memo.
00:16:19That's because I quit.
00:16:21Ah.
00:16:22I'm unquitting you, forthwith.
00:16:25Upstairs has begun Operation Second Coming.
00:16:31Oh, I see.
00:16:33Mm-hmm.
00:16:34So the end times have begun.
00:16:36Again.
00:16:38Oh, there you go.
00:16:39No, I don't go.
00:16:42They've lost him.
00:16:47No.
00:16:48The one who starts it all off.
00:16:50Nailed up, boy.
00:16:52Jesus.
00:16:54Jesus.
00:16:57And I'm here because...
00:16:59We need you to find him, Crowley.
00:17:01Before they do.
00:17:03Right.
00:17:04You can't even say his name.
00:17:06What do you do if you do find him?
00:17:08A hostage.
00:17:11With...
00:17:12Jesus.
00:17:13In our hand, we can attack Heaven.
00:17:17And the war of all wars will reigneth down.
00:17:22We'll be living upstairs.
00:17:24And they'll be down here.
00:17:27You understand humans, Crowley.
00:17:31So find him.
00:17:32Help us.
00:17:33We'll help you.
00:17:35No.
00:17:37No.
00:17:38Oh, no.
00:17:39No.
00:17:40No.
00:17:41No.
00:17:43Well, you'll regret this.
00:17:46I'll add it to the list.
00:17:51Well, get him out of here!
00:17:56Are you okay?
00:17:58Uh...
00:17:58Yeah, of course.
00:18:00I just, um...
00:18:02Well, I need to, uh...
00:18:04Sort this out.
00:18:06Now, where to start?
00:18:08Why don't you ask your friend, friend, friend, to help?
00:18:16My...
00:18:18Oh, no, no, no, no.
00:18:20I can't.
00:18:21That's out of the question.
00:18:22He might like to see you anyway.
00:18:25Last time I saw him, he wasn't in the best way, to be honest.
00:18:30He seemed a bit...
00:18:32lost.
00:18:33I'll see you next time you a little bit.
00:18:33Won't you, once there's any rest?
00:18:47I can't believe you!
00:18:57That's going super goodsy, goodsy.
00:19:06Oh, I never thought I'd see your face here again.
00:19:10I, um...
00:19:12Oh, everyone's gone.
00:19:14Or been bought out.
00:19:16Not me.
00:19:18I stick it out here in Soho like a barnacle to a rock.
00:19:25I, um...
00:19:27Hello.
00:19:29Look, um, my friend, Crowley?
00:19:33Have you, have you seen him?
00:19:34You wouldn't be looking for him unless you needed something.
00:19:38Because you're a taker, you are.
00:19:40You never cared for him.
00:19:41Or Whipper Street.
00:19:42I, I love Whipper Street.
00:19:45Yeah?
00:19:46Well, where were you when it got bad?
00:19:49You know, I never thought he'd be back to gloat.
00:19:56Gloat.
00:19:57What?
00:19:58It's down there.
00:20:01Everything.
00:20:02We'll just hold your hand.
00:20:03I'll just drive in.
00:20:06Okay.
00:20:26And you'll get a good one.
00:20:30i've um please get up i'm fine down here thanks
00:20:39look i know you're upset with me yeah but i'm willing to overlook that
00:20:45because well we have a lot to discuss i have nothing to say to you
00:20:53if you're expecting me to do the i was wrong dance then i'm afraid you'll be waiting rather
00:20:56a long time we're way beyond little dances angel
00:21:03close the door on your way out
00:21:07but you don't have a door
00:21:31so
00:21:54bring you all credit
00:21:57credit
00:22:01you were in a bookshop for centuries you loved your bookshop and then you just walked away
00:22:10what happened here well you tell me you were always meant to take over the place they were
00:22:15here for a few weeks and then close the door i needed muriel i needed someone to work with
00:22:22me in heaven who was nice oh that's not what i meant what i meant was what happened here
00:22:32i've been gone for years i mean place is a bit dusty yes but windows broken nothing's been
00:22:41taken no rodent problem expect rats wouldn't you you weren't here
00:22:49i wasn't gonna lose this place as well
00:23:10i was trying to do the right thing well you know what they say about the road to hell
00:23:18what
00:23:19what
00:23:20need repaving
00:23:22look chronic
00:23:25i've come to help you
00:23:27have you
00:23:27yes
00:23:28no you haven't this is about jesus you were bringing him back and now you've lost him
00:23:33how do you know that
00:23:34live in a alleyway people tell you things
00:23:36well
00:23:39yes
00:23:39i mean
00:23:41there is that
00:23:42i mean
00:23:44we found the antichrist together you and me ancient history jesus remembers you you
00:23:49know
00:23:50he was asking after you
00:23:52he seemed
00:23:54well
00:23:55very nice
00:23:57and now he's out there
00:24:00on his own
00:24:02poor thing
00:24:04i only hope they don't nail him up again
00:24:06well they wouldn't do that again surely
00:24:08well they haven't changed much have they
00:24:10heaven is looking for him hell will be too
00:24:13no one can find him
00:24:15crowley this is bigger than you and me
00:24:17well i can't help you
00:24:18why not
00:24:19don't have a car
00:24:20well then by all means get your car where is it
00:24:24you lost it
00:24:25yes
00:24:26how
00:24:28lost it in a game of skill and chance
00:24:30i'm sorry i didn't quite get that
00:24:31i lost it in a game of skill and chance
00:24:34to whom
00:24:35brian cameron
00:24:36brian
00:24:37i've never heard of him
00:24:38sounds like an accountant
00:24:39how on earth could you lose your bentley to a man named brian cameron
00:24:43he's a gangster
00:24:45i was still sleeping in my car
00:24:51i always wanted a classic Bentley
00:24:53i thought a man who owns a car like that must definitely be up for a little wager
00:24:57a little gain of skill and chance
00:25:00i'm not gonna do that this is my house
00:25:02of course i can't you know force you to play but what i could do is set it fire to
00:25:08that little bookshop and burn it down to the ground right now
00:25:13well it's cause i see you sleeping outside it and i often see you inside
00:25:18giving a cheeky little eye
00:25:20i'll take the car
00:25:21i am a businessman so i'm not a common thief
00:25:24i'm only suggesting we have
00:25:26i'm only suggesting we have
00:25:26a little gentleman's game
00:25:27i've had enough of this
00:25:31your miracle account is no longer active
00:25:33please go away
00:25:35my legal department drew this up
00:25:37you know just have a little game
00:25:39you win
00:25:41i walk away and nothing catches fire
00:25:44you lose
00:25:44and i'll get the penalty
00:25:48i'm
00:25:49i'm
00:25:50no
00:25:51just sign
00:25:52there
00:25:53now
00:25:54so what's the game
00:25:56it's my favourite board game
00:25:57actually
00:25:58well what you've got to do is you've got to own everything
00:26:00everything
00:26:01and you leave everyone else
00:26:03penniless, crushed
00:26:04and miserable
00:26:06sounds like a game only a human could invent
00:26:09you can be the show
00:26:38oh dear
00:26:40you've already marked your property, sir
00:26:42kind of like wipes you out
00:26:43doesn't it really, though?
00:26:45it's still, they say
00:26:45it's a bloody good game
00:26:46isn't it?
00:26:48penniless
00:26:50crushed
00:26:51and miserable
00:26:52on what else did you let him get away with it?
00:26:54i mean a contract to contract
00:26:55what can i do? hell are you cut me off?
00:26:57miracles not an option
00:26:58you were
00:26:59elsewhere
00:27:00yeah
00:27:00Yeah, very well then.
00:27:03We shall go and get our Bentley back.
00:27:05My Bentley?
00:27:06Of course. And then...
00:27:10And then you'll help me find Jesus.
00:27:15I'll do it myself.
00:27:18Crowley. Crowley. Crowley.
00:27:21I am so disappointed in you.
00:27:24Trying to steal my car?
00:27:25I'd like my Bentley back.
00:27:26Yeah, but I'd like to play for the Arsenal, but that ain't gonna happen either, is it, mate?
00:27:30I just need my car.
00:27:32You need teaching a lesson is what you need.
00:27:34And I am so gonna enjoy that.
00:27:38Who are you?
00:27:40I'm a retired bookseller.
00:27:43I've come to get my friend back.
00:27:45And our car. His car.
00:27:48You're a friend of his? No, you're not.
00:27:49I rather think I am. I'm rescuing you.
00:27:52And liberating our Bentley.
00:27:53Yeah, well, bollocks you are. It's my car.
00:27:55I wanted Ferris Square so you could just, you know, like, goodbye.
00:27:57Rather excited to meet you, actually, Mr. Brian Cameron.
00:28:01From what I hear, you're the second best player of games of skill and chance in all of London.
00:28:07Well done.
00:28:08Second, you say?
00:28:09Well, of course.
00:28:11After me.
00:28:14Perfect.
00:28:17Missy, my love.
00:28:19Break out the board games.
00:28:20I'm afraid not.
00:28:22According to your very own rules, as the challenger, I get to choose.
00:28:26You are.
00:28:29Competitive crossword solving.
00:28:30It's not even a game, is it?
00:28:32First one to finish correctly gets the Bentley.
00:28:35Don't be careful now.
00:28:36Yeah, listen, I can fill in a crossword, all right?
00:28:39But I can, uh, ask people for help.
00:28:42I can call them for help if I need it.
00:28:44Right.
00:28:44I can collaborate.
00:28:45Oh, seek as much assistance as you require.
00:28:48Okay, go on.
00:28:49One across nine letters.
00:28:51The measured tread of the saints round the Dome of St. Peter's.
00:28:54How appropriate.
00:28:56Well, it's ridiculous.
00:28:57In this case, the word round tells you to look with one word inside another.
00:29:01Giving us the opening word.
00:29:04Billy.
00:29:05Billy, yes, mate, yes.
00:29:06I need the solution for today's cryptic crossword.
00:29:08I need him right now.
00:29:11He's got to be on the web.
00:29:11Someone do, like, a search or something.
00:29:15Yeah, well, then find the bloke that wrote the crossword and threaten him.
00:29:18Tell him we're going to kill his husband or his dog or something like that.
00:29:21Finish!
00:29:23What?
00:29:27No, no, no, no.
00:29:28You could have written anything down.
00:29:31What's ten down?
00:29:34Miss Desmond Levitates, for David's spacey song refers to Norma Desmond from Sunset Boulevard.
00:29:40And can be rephrased as Norma Flies, which is an anagram of the David Bowie song, Life on Mars.
00:29:49I'll take the car and my friend.
00:29:55I'm going to have mine.
00:29:57Brian, Brian.
00:29:58I did give you a chance.
00:29:59You really mustn't get angry, you know.
00:30:06We need to get a wiggle on.
00:30:08Captain Ryan.
00:30:10Dad, sit down.
00:30:12Sit down, sit down.
00:30:13Sit down, sit down.
00:30:14Who's an ambulance?
00:30:15Ow.
00:30:16Ow.
00:30:27I suppose you're feeling quite pleased with yourself right now, aren't you?
00:30:30You're cool.
00:30:32It's a deal's a deal.
00:30:35Do I miss your house over with?
00:30:36It's so there is, Jesus.
00:30:37I don't know.
00:30:40You don't know.
00:30:41well no otherwise i wouldn't need to find him would i i wouldn't need you wouldn't need me right
00:30:46nice gotcha but seriously no idea that's quite big you know yes i'm aware of that
00:30:55ring a bell leave out snacks hang signs on lampposts saying missing messiah can offer
00:31:00small reward no look i don't know so do you have any idea where the book of life might be
00:31:13no
00:31:16afraid not sorry of course i don't that's a shame or then any idea how we can have got to
00:31:26wherever
00:31:26it is that we don't know where that even is excellent question though
00:31:43i need to find the lady oh well once upon a time my love i could have seen you well
00:31:50sorted
00:31:50but it's all open internet now isn't it um just sit anywhere
00:32:04who are you jehoshua bless you bless you
00:32:10harry frish mate oh harry the fish as was back when my name meant anything then i will call you
00:32:18harry the
00:32:18fish you were a fisher of what do you do with those cards for i've been told to find the
00:32:26lady
00:32:27find the lady i did used to work the monte sure with a team of guys i'll miss them
00:32:37i had friends a team 12 friends i'm solo now no more monte just me you've got an honest face
00:32:48thank you
00:32:49you have a beautiful face harry but one filled with pain so how do i find the lady
00:33:00find the lady find the gravy here she is there she goes where she ends up nobody knows
00:33:20how about some music um maybe a little um tom tom garage or um some rip rap or uh go
00:33:29-go you have
00:33:30really no idea what any of that means yes i do they're all types of bebop stop flustering me i
00:33:35can't i can't think straight things have been really very complicated for me at the moment you
00:33:40know you've lost jesus and bollocks on the second coming doesn't get much more complicated than that
00:33:44and we may have lost the book of life
00:33:48you've lost it well it does seem to be evading us rather successfully for the moment
00:33:54unbelievable oh you leave me to go back to sword out heaven you've made it into more of a mess
00:33:58than
00:33:58it was already i had a chance to make a real difference but you still don't get it you can't
00:34:02change anything it's all rigged the entire universe but i have to try at least can you see that
00:34:09i don't want an awful judgy second coming with those scary horses and half the world being smited
00:34:16if i'm the boss you're not and you never will be there's always someone above you stacking the deck
00:34:20well not now there isn't the metatrons disappeared too oh superb mr big giant floaty head bought you
00:34:28a lovely coffee himself as done a runner you could have avoided all this we could have done a runner
00:34:36ourselves i asked you to come with me we could be drinking cocktails and alpha centauri this could be
00:34:40someone else's problem how could we have been happy there knowing that we were leaving all these
00:34:44people to goodness knows what awfulness second coming apocalypse the end of everything
00:34:50on earth as it is on alpha centauri i could stop all that i just wanted to save everything
00:34:56and and and so that everybody could have a chance including us
00:35:02and how's that working out
00:35:10don't look around keep walking we're just coincidentally walking in the same direction
00:35:15okay i may know something what face forward if i tell you i want to be reinstated as an archangel
00:35:22i don't have that power not yet you don't meet me in the corridor in the space between they won't
00:35:26be
00:35:27you don't be looking there
00:35:40hello muriel hello muriel is that you
00:36:02what are you doing here this area has been closed off i was here to meet sandalpha
00:36:29why are you stopping oh no no no we can't park here they'll be looking for the bentley they don't
00:36:35have to see it
00:36:40you don't have to see it in the sky
00:36:41really we know jesus is on earth but it's a big place he could be anywhere well he likes deserts
00:36:48or he used to spent 40 days in one back when i knew
00:36:56but he can't be well obviously no no
00:37:05i understand that was saraquiel it appears that sandalpha
00:37:09is also vanished saraquiel thinks he's been murdered so i need to get back to heaven you'll
00:37:15just have to begin the hunt for jesus here yourself no no no i'm coming with you to heaven you
00:37:19most
00:37:19certainly are not you clearly can't do this on your own come on
00:37:27what are you doing in here i prepared a report on sandalphon's murder
00:37:34what's he doing here well he's uh he's backup two heads better than one he's he's a demon
00:37:41former former demon now just a private individual so sandalphon vanishes he said he had things to
00:37:50tell me i think it was about the metatron and the book of life you think so no actual information
00:37:57then perhaps you need some help you're ill you're ill is perfect for the job your assistance is not
00:38:04required your infinite holiness i would like to register a complaint this person should not be
00:38:12allowed in heaven a complaint duly noted and registered will it make a difference oh no
00:38:23so the book of life wouldn't the archive monitor show who took it of course i thought to check the
00:38:29archive look one moment it's here where it's been since the dawn of time the next it's not so the
00:38:38moment of theft has been edited out not edited it just goes i looked for fingerprints through a
00:38:45magnifying glass and footprints so if the archive wasn't edited what if reality was that's perfectly
00:38:53impossible by the book of life itself you mean that's pretty simply remove the moment the book
00:38:59was taken from the book itself reality adjusts to conform you can't just remove things from reality
00:39:05well hang around for a while sure while reality catches up but then
00:39:11i'll bet you that's what's happened to the metatron soon enough you'll forget all about them
00:39:15right back to work chop chop don't dilly dally
00:39:22oh thank you no need you're doing an excellent job
00:39:30what is hell is actually behind this someone must have had a motive for the theft a motive for the
00:39:35murder it wasn't you i mean no it wasn't me angels aren't killers sorry we're talking about the same
00:39:41angels i think you should return to hell and find out everything you can they know me i'm not going
00:39:46back they know you but they don't know me i could ask around take a look you are not a
00:39:54demon they found an
00:39:56undocumented angel wandering around hell they kill you just for starters you forget i'm a master of
00:40:02a master of the secret torments is here to see lord dagan
00:40:27i don't have anything in the calendar he has come directly from downstairs we are downstairs
00:40:34from all the way downstairs
00:40:46an emissary from all the way downstairs is here downstairs what now they're meant to let us know
00:40:56i don't believe lord satan is under any obligation to do anything to make things easier for you dagon
00:41:07right yes sorry no
00:41:14have we met i i don't do a lot of mingling
00:41:18uh now lord satan keeps me very busy with all the you know secrets torments and that yes of course
00:41:29uh we are here because of the turmoil upstairs your reports on the matter have been
00:41:39uh
00:41:51the second coming
00:41:54they lost him didn't they yes but i'm sure they'll find him soon enough
00:42:01unless we know where he is nothing yet no no no no but i'm here on the other matter
00:42:14other matter upstairs a murder a disappearance the book of life
00:42:28we just know what we put in the report the metatron and a couple of archangels removed from the book
00:42:33of
00:42:33life thus they'll vanish up that's all we know if someone is holding out from even further downstairs
00:42:46we didn't even know the book was missing our secret sauce on the top floor
00:42:50the book was missing our secret sauce on the top floor
00:42:56well i will uh let his infernal darkness know how helpful you've both been
00:43:04that's that's good isn't it is it
00:43:11let's hope so
00:43:20it's a dance josh find the rhythm
00:43:27the trick is never to think of it as a trick the cards want to be manipulated
00:43:33a bit like people really even me
00:43:38wait a minute i remember this remember what somebody's all at a loss and then i say something
00:43:45that helps go on then well well for i say to you this if a man has a boat then
00:43:53he has the ability
00:43:54to fish for just has he got a net what the bloke with a boat he'd need a net or
00:43:59a rod i mean the
00:44:00boat doesn't catch the fish does it no i may be a bit rusty i mean it's been a few
00:44:05centuries wait okay
00:44:08there was a widow who had three sons and the first son was a fisherman are all these stories about
00:44:14fishing no hurry
00:44:25i didn't see a thing
00:44:26i didn't see a thing
00:44:47no it's the right thing to do it's a way to reach out to people i'm pretty sure that's what
00:44:54the lady is it's people finding peace and love and happiness happiness let me tell you something
00:45:01josh life this life blinds you to what matters right i had kids you know missed them growing up
00:45:10didn't i because i was too bloody busy working the cards
00:45:21let's give it a go shall we i've ordered enormous amounts of dim sum for you that's a bottle of
00:45:27chateau neuf de pat 1988. you know i'm not going to eat i'm not that angel any longer no it's
00:45:34my job to
00:45:34set an example for all the other angels making choices good upstanding choices right does that
00:45:44include choosing heaven instead of me i chose heaven because of you you showed me what it meant to be
00:45:53brave and to make a difference to stand up for what i believed in did i yes you told me
00:45:59that heaven
00:46:00wasn't on anybody's side and i realized i could change that i could make it on everybody's side
00:46:08in what way well for a start jesus was meant to be sent here to end it all and to
00:46:15end everything
00:46:15always good and um well i did eventually persuade upstairs that uh the second coming didn't have to
00:46:21be armageddon it could be a second chance to get things right you know to make things better
00:46:26to inspire the humans to be you know nicer what did god say to that well she didn't tell me
00:46:33to stop
00:46:38he um he genuinely did speak fondly of you you know jesus he even remembered your kingdoms of the world
00:46:48routine oh he was here light of the world mary's bloody boy child he was here in soho oh that
00:47:04was
00:47:04him i talked to him on my noses this whole time and you didn't recognize him now before you get
00:47:08all
00:47:09judgy in my defense i was astonishingly drunk well that's hardly an actual no no i won't do that no
00:47:15this
00:47:15is good news means he can't be far yeah certainly narrow down the scope of the search way fewer
00:47:19temples deserts what about hell any clues i don't think they had a clue about anything to be honest
00:47:26in fact i'm even realizing that some of their information was off how so well their sources
00:47:33told them that the metatron and two archangels have been murdered using the book of life
00:47:40man only one archangel has been murdered sandalfon so what they were told is wrong
00:47:48unless what they heard was not what had already happened what a plan why would anybody tell them
00:47:55their plan of course they are a bit deranged the wrong hands the book of life has the power to
00:48:01drive
00:48:01anyone mad we're not built to cope with pasts presents and futures that don't match up kind
00:48:08stops meaning anything constantly unhappening bits of reality could make someone lose track of what will
00:48:15be true but isn't true yet exactly and if it's not someone from hell who has the plan then then
00:48:24oh no
00:48:37i really have missed food so i think the next step the next step is you sitting back down hello
00:48:45misty
00:48:46everything okay my dad's in intensive care you know the toughest bloke in all of london and you two
00:48:52could have killed him i don't think we did he won your car fair and square just as my friend
00:48:57wanted
00:48:58fair and square back from you said they stole it yeah not at all we signed a contract and then
00:49:03i beat
00:49:03him in a cryptic crossword oh that is a tough one misty your dad is in hospital because of anger
00:49:08management issues and a dodgy heart valve shut it you're coming with us to your shithole bookshop
00:49:14and you're gonna watch us burn it down i think i solved it who are you supposed to be
00:49:20the case michael chose me to investigate the book's disappearance and i've been investigating
00:49:25and then i thought what is i'm really enthusiastic and i've read a lot of human detective books
00:49:31and i'm nice kind of in the middle of something yeah but i'm only the perfect person for the job
00:49:37if
00:49:37you don't want the real answer i'm the useful idiot and then i thought oh my heavens i know who
00:49:44did it
00:49:44i made a deduction a proper one you worked out that michael's the one that's been doing this
00:49:49yes um i worked out that much oh you knew yeah look can we please focus on the threats of
00:49:56extreme
00:49:56violence we worked it out over dim song hell knew what was happening or about to happen before we did
00:50:01michael's the one that talks to hell's ways it was being back channel so yeah but your deduction
00:50:05really was excellent what didn't you get in bookshop burn burn the bookshop hell is not much how about
00:50:14some gentle ribbing oh for who the hell are you you are not lord slorge his vileness was elsewhere
00:50:19inventing new torments your presence was a violation of preternatural diplomacy this means war doesn't
00:50:26everything hello again oh hello you're most certainly in trouble too quiet what are you standing
00:50:35around for break something lots of things to be fair misty brian's cardiologist was always suggesting
00:50:41yoga and mindfulness change of diet getting away from thinking about work shut up and start hurting
00:50:47people never really thought was anything about doing that does it no and you know you can love your
00:50:53father without having to be like him perhaps there'll be a miracle and and he'll pull through not
00:50:58that he deserves it you should be at his side i have no idea who that lady was she's right
00:51:08there must
00:51:09be hurting and burning hell is not mocked missing messiah is one thing book of life in the wrong hands
00:51:18this is quite another that's potentially the end of everything finding my lid is there
00:51:29hello uriel you're looking for me i need to speak to aziraphale oh if you mean the supreme
00:51:36archangel you can talk to me aziraphale has um other plans wait supreme you're not in charge
00:51:43well strictly speaking i have other plans for him but you know potato potato i have a plan for
00:51:50everything well it's more of a checklist quite long but uh just the one item for aziraphale
00:51:58not existing anymore the metatron sound before i undid the war why oh i don't know
00:52:15maybe the literal infinity of grinding slog carrying out the idiotic plans of archangels too vain
00:52:23or too nice to get the job done i cannot let aziraphale botch this the second coming must be done
00:52:32properly as it was foretold but that means yeah it means destruction it's my go this time and it's
00:52:42gonna be a clean slate very very clean
00:52:58would you like to know how i did it would you it's remarkably easy
00:53:07i did it like
00:53:12do you know what's gonna happen to you now uriel no i nothing nothing's gonna happen to you
00:53:20all the nothing in the world
00:53:26oh look look it's happening right now
00:53:51you're real's gone gone gone where gone gone murdered i expect there's your second death bingo
00:53:56we worked out who did it michael how did you know because you're too dim he's too nice and i'm
00:54:03confident that i didn't go on a fit of homicidal insanity
00:54:08meanwhile things are just disappearing pop pop pop
00:54:15and canada we've just lost canada michael's destroying the book of life no no no no it's
00:54:21impossible we'll let you destroy it a few pages here and they're fine but no no no no it's too
00:54:26well
00:54:26made where is michael now not on earth not in heaven your guess is as good as mine
00:54:33if the book of life can't be destroyed here where can it be destroyed there isn't anywhere
00:54:39yes there is we all fought for control during the great war my side lost the eternal flame now that
00:54:45would do it michael must have used the book itself to travel to the center of the universe that's the
00:54:51only way of getting them that is where you are very wrong angel time to go you two keep it
00:54:56all
00:54:56together earth do everything you can yes please do you you've always been so good at that um worked so
00:55:03hard thank you australia what good's in australia anyway it's just just stuff people boomerangs
00:55:21big bouncing rats
00:55:31wasn't that found him and i found the lady and i found my mission too we really should be to
00:55:36reach
00:55:36out to people and do that with them reaching out and then and make them feel well until until the
00:55:42very end which hopefully won't happen come on let's get started
00:55:52how fast did you say this goes 150 up there a whole lot faster than light
00:56:18i'm gonna say something as well you know
00:56:25a bit of patter.
00:56:26Come to me, all of you who are weary,
00:56:29and I will give you rest.
00:56:32Come to me if you are hurt or lonely.
00:56:36Bit dark, maybe.
00:56:38Looking back, I have a feeling that this is precisely
00:56:41the sort of thing that got me in trouble the last time.
00:56:43I'm with you this time.
00:56:45Don't worry.
00:56:46Speak to him.
00:56:49I only wanted to put my foot all the way down.
00:56:55I don't want to keep the super-siding man.
00:57:05Oh, there goes Alpha Centauri.
00:57:12No cocktails now.
00:57:14That's...
00:57:15Hang on, Angel!
00:57:17Get out of here!
00:57:19Oh, oh, oh, explode!
00:57:23I'm running through the sky, yeah.
00:57:26Two hundred degrees, that's why they call me Mr. Fire.
00:57:30I'm traveling at the speed of light.
00:57:32I don't wanna make a supersonic woman of you.
00:57:36Come to me, all ye.
00:57:38I have a gift for you.
00:57:39Did he just say all ye?
00:57:41Have some elaborate bread and cheese.
00:57:46Is there any more of that?
00:57:49You know, Mark, there was an accident.
00:57:51He mixed up the pill bottles.
00:57:54I always wondered.
00:57:56Loved him so much.
00:57:58I'll have a slice, love.
00:58:01Your sister in Bridlington.
00:58:03Hang on, how...
00:58:04She wants you to come home.
00:58:05Yeah?
00:58:06Well, she said I brought shame on family, so...
00:58:09Well, she's too proud to apologize.
00:58:10And your mum's ill.
00:58:15Blessed are the lonely and the hungry.
00:58:18Come to me, those who are lost.
00:58:20For you shall find your way home.
00:58:26Please take a piece, there's plenty for all.
00:58:29And blessed are you, above all men, Harry the fish.
00:58:35For you've taught me the way of the three cots.
00:58:39You're like a son I never had, Josh.
00:58:42I mean, I did have a son and he doesn't speak to me,
00:58:44but if he did, I couldn't be more chuffed.
00:58:48Not only have they lost now, boy,
00:58:50they've broken my locks, mate, down here!
00:58:54No, no, no, no, no, no!
00:58:56Now that Heaven's lost it, stupid sick and gummy,
00:58:59it's all gone through and it's far on purpose!
00:59:01Oh, they're the bad guys now.
00:59:06Now...
00:59:07Now it's our time!
00:59:10Isn't this pretty much what you said last time?
00:59:13But now it will finally be me
00:59:16and the front of our army
00:59:18marching into Heaven and jump!
00:59:28I'll be dead.
00:59:34Oh!
00:59:38Oh!
00:59:40Oh!
00:59:42Oh!
00:59:43Oh!
00:59:43Oh!
00:59:44Oh!
00:59:44Your soul is important to us.
00:59:46Please hold.
00:59:51You know, you went completely dim.
00:59:55Oh.
00:59:55I was.
00:59:56I was.
01:00:04This doesn't feel like universal happiness.
01:00:07Does anyone know what's happening?
01:00:08My phone's dead.
01:00:10Where is anyone?
01:00:12Where...
01:00:14Where did he go?
01:00:17But I'm coming back to Bricklings
01:00:21You are a joy bringer, Josh
01:00:23And I wanted to tell you that I
01:00:31Well, this is it, I suppose
01:00:35Into your hands I commit my spirit
01:00:39Again
01:00:42I never really seem to get much of a go
01:00:53Hello, Michael
01:00:55Do you want to talk about this?
01:00:57I don't really feel like talking, thank you very much
01:01:00I've got a lot to do, I'm burning it all
01:01:05Air fryers
01:01:06I'm the only one who knows there ever were air fryers
01:01:09You poor thing
01:01:11You must be so tired
01:01:14Last time?
01:01:15Well, you've been doing everything, haven't you?
01:01:17So long
01:01:19And no one ever said thank you, did they?
01:01:23Not once, ever
01:01:26You must have got so tired being overlooked, not being appreciated
01:01:31For thousands of years, somebody had to make things work
01:01:36Oh, and you were so good at that
01:01:39So capable
01:01:40I was, I was
01:01:41And they were so stupid
01:01:45You were Aziraphale and Gabriel and the Metatron
01:01:50Do you remember the Metatron?
01:01:52He's here somewhere, I think
01:01:54Oh yes, I'm here
01:01:56You still know
01:01:58You still know
01:01:58I existed, Michael
01:02:00Be quiet
01:02:02Be quiet
01:02:05We don't have to listen to you
01:02:07You killed us
01:02:11I'm the only one who remembers
01:02:14I remember everything
01:02:17Strands
01:02:18All the possibilities
01:02:20Everything that happened
01:02:22Everything that didn't
01:02:24I remember it all
01:02:26It's all in my head
01:02:27Oh, it hurts
01:02:38I'm the only angel who can make the original plan work
01:02:54The great plan
01:02:56I do understand
01:02:59I just wanted to fix things
01:03:02Yes, me too
01:03:05But through love
01:03:07And hope
01:03:10Michael
01:03:10What?
01:03:11There is only ever one way
01:03:14To fix things
01:03:17And I'm
01:03:18Going to do that now
01:03:20What?
01:03:21What are you going to do?
01:03:23I'm going to forgive you
01:03:27You
01:03:28You
01:03:28You can forgive me
01:03:33I
01:03:35I
01:03:37I can't
01:03:40No more
01:03:44Take my hand, quickly
01:04:09Open
01:04:12Someone might want to buy a book
01:04:14As far as I can tell
01:04:16The entirety of creation
01:04:18Is us in this bookshop
01:04:21I don't think you're going to get many customers
01:04:26Crowley
01:04:27Before anything else happens
01:04:30There is one more thing that needs fixing
01:04:32What?
01:04:34I need you to forgive me
01:04:37I need you to forgive me
01:04:37Oh, come on, angel
01:04:38I need to hear you say it
01:04:41Please, Crowley
01:04:46You were right
01:04:47No, no, no
01:04:48Don't do that dance
01:04:49Well?
01:04:52I forgive you
01:04:53I didn't
01:04:54I forgive you
01:04:57Thank you
01:05:02And it's just us
01:05:06In the whole of everything
01:05:10It's a place for us
01:05:12We've got nothing
01:05:15We've got each other
01:05:17And we've probably got some cocoa
01:05:19And we've got lots of books
01:05:22Have we?
01:05:26Good luck reading these
01:05:28But that's
01:05:34Even the Dickens
01:05:38Well, if
01:05:39If it's all come down to this
01:05:40Then
01:05:41There must be some sort of answer
01:05:43Here, finally
01:05:44To everything
01:05:46Oh, yeah
01:05:47100,000 blank books
01:05:48But one with all the answers in them
01:05:50Doesn't sound very likely, does it?
01:06:01Can I
01:06:02Can I help you?
01:06:04I'm afraid all the books appear to be blank
01:06:07Even the Dickens
01:06:09I know you
01:06:12You do, yes
01:06:13Oh, yes
01:06:15There is something familiar about you
01:06:18Last time you saw me
01:06:20I was a thousand feet high
01:06:22Bright red
01:06:23Lots of horns
01:06:25And fabulous teeth
01:06:26Arguing with my son
01:06:27Satan
01:06:28You're Satan
01:06:30That's really just a
01:06:31A job title
01:06:33It means the adversary
01:06:35And I don't know
01:06:36If I still have a job
01:06:38But yes
01:06:39I was the Satan
01:06:41For a very long time
01:06:44Hello, Crowley
01:06:45How are you still here?
01:06:47Is that any way to greet an old friend?
01:06:49Oh, we were never friends
01:06:51I want answers
01:06:53And I want them now
01:06:54I don't give answers
01:06:56And God definitely doesn't
01:06:58So
01:06:59You're the devil
01:07:02Can't have been much fun for you
01:07:06Fun?
01:07:08It's not about having fun
01:07:10It's about pride
01:07:11And honour
01:07:12It's about refusing to acknowledge humans as superior
01:07:15It's about challenging God
01:07:17Yeah, but you never really did, did you?
01:07:19Excuse me?
01:07:21The great revolt
01:07:22The war in heaven
01:07:22What was that then, eh?
01:07:24Two week holiday in Marbella?
01:07:26You knew what we didn't know, didn't you?
01:07:28You knew we couldn't win
01:07:30You were never going to win, were you?
01:07:32That wasn't the plan
01:07:33I didn't know that
01:07:34I thought we had a chance
01:07:35And so did you
01:07:36That's why you joined up
01:07:38Oh, I don't remember why I joined you no anymore
01:07:41I was tired
01:07:42And I was angry
01:07:44I wanted it all to make sense
01:07:45And you seemed to care
01:07:48I did care
01:07:49Nah
01:07:51You were just doing your job
01:07:55Do you have a pen?
01:08:02What kind of pen do you need?
01:08:09Pass me a book
01:08:10Which book?
01:08:12Well, it doesn't matter
01:08:13It's all blank
01:08:14Whichever one you give is the right one
01:08:16Bleak House
01:08:22But that isn't a book of life
01:08:25It is if we say it is
01:08:28What are you two idiots doing now?
01:08:30I want answers
01:08:32No, you can't do that
01:08:35Oh, yes, we can
01:08:38Do you want to write it?
01:08:41Give me the pen
01:08:48There were four of them
01:08:50In that bookshop
01:08:51Which was the whole world
01:08:53An angel
01:08:55A former demon
01:08:57The devil himself
01:09:00And one other
01:09:01One who was there
01:09:03Because they were omnipresent
01:09:06They had always been there
01:09:08They would
01:09:10Always
01:09:11Be there
01:09:17As you say, Aziraphale
01:09:18You didn't really need to summon me
01:09:20I was already here
01:09:23Yes, you can be everywhere
01:09:24But
01:09:25That doesn't mean
01:09:28You'll talk to us, Lord
01:09:30So, Crowley
01:09:31What's your question?
01:09:32I thought you didn't answer questions
01:09:34Time's done, Crowley
01:09:35I'll answer one question from you
01:09:38But it had better be a good one
01:09:39Oh, it's a good one
01:09:41Well, I don't know
01:09:43It's the only one I've got
01:09:44Uh, it's not the problem of evil, is it?
01:09:47Because I can tell you
01:09:48I'm over being blamed for that one
01:09:51No, no, not exactly that
01:09:52No, just
01:09:57Ask
01:10:07Why make people
01:10:09And then punish them
01:10:10For behaving like people
01:10:13Humans are gonna human
01:10:15No matter what we do
01:10:16There's nothing we can ever do about it
01:10:17Oh, it is the problem of evil
01:10:18Well, told you
01:10:19So predictable
01:10:20No, no, no
01:10:21It's not the problem of evil
01:10:22It's the problem of everything
01:10:24But let's talk about people
01:10:25They are born
01:10:26Into a world
01:10:28That is against them
01:10:29In a thousand different ways
01:10:32And then devote most of their energy
01:10:33To making it worse
01:10:35Where you'll find the real grace
01:10:38And the real heart-stopping evil
01:10:40It's right inside
01:10:42The human mind
01:10:43But a person
01:10:44Isn't the worst thing
01:10:44They've ever done
01:10:45Anymore than they're the best thing
01:10:46They've ever done
01:10:47Why make them that way?
01:10:49That's free will
01:10:49Free will?
01:10:51That's just a card trick, isn't it?
01:10:52Suckers think they're playing for real
01:10:54The dealer knows
01:10:55Her body finds the lady
01:10:57Unless she wants them to
01:10:59What about you, Siraphale?
01:11:00Me?
01:11:01You?
01:11:03Do you have a burning question?
01:11:10I just wish it had been easier
01:11:13I just wanted to do the right thing
01:11:15You what?
01:11:17You just wanted to be left alone to read
01:11:19You wanted to consume all the yummy human food
01:11:22The lovely human music
01:11:24You say all that as if it negates me
01:11:26Wanting to do the right thing
01:11:28Siraphale
01:11:29You were the first angel to lie to me
01:11:32You were lazy
01:11:34Gluttonous
01:11:36Prideful
01:11:36Quite true
01:11:38And I was also the second best angel you ever had
01:11:41You were what?
01:11:42The second best angel?
01:11:43Sir, who do you think the best angel was?
01:11:48This one
01:11:49I was a terrible angel
01:11:51No, no
01:11:53No, you were the best of us
01:11:56You cared so much about everything
01:11:59You were an artist
01:12:02I wanted to understand
01:12:03To make better art
01:12:05The rest of us
01:12:07We were just characters in her book
01:12:10We didn't ask questions
01:12:13You were the only one of us
01:12:14Who genuinely believed
01:12:17There had to be a sensible purpose to it all
01:12:21I'm nobody's character
01:12:23If I'm just a part of her story
01:12:25Then what am I doing still here?
01:12:30Do you want me to tell him or will you?
01:12:32I'm interested in what you have to say, angel
01:12:37Because it's a tidy way to finish
01:12:41Two of you
01:12:43Deity and the adversary
01:12:44Facing off
01:12:46And even shaking hands
01:12:48And then it all ends for good
01:12:51The cosmic game of chess
01:12:54Is over
01:12:56When really you've just been a stand-in
01:12:59In a cosmic game of solitaire
01:13:03It's ridiculous
01:13:06You know Lord
01:13:07I do have a question
01:13:10Ask it then
01:13:13Why
01:13:15Why give me Crowley
01:13:18Why make me complete
01:13:21And then take it away
01:13:24You know you won't get an answer
01:13:31Because
01:13:31You were able to value
01:13:34What most people
01:13:35Never even know they have
01:13:39Your love for him
01:13:41Was the messiest
01:13:44Silliest
01:13:45Most predictable thing in the universe
01:13:50And it always made me smile
01:13:55But that was then
01:13:56That universe is over
01:13:59As I think are both of you
01:14:04You still haven't answered the first question
01:14:06What I want to know is
01:14:09Why did you think it was a good idea
01:14:11Even a sensible idea
01:14:14To make an infinite universe
01:14:17Run it for 6,000 years
01:14:19And then just
01:14:21Tip the board over
01:14:23The whole thing's lunacy
01:14:24Everything ends
01:14:26A story doesn't have to go beyond
01:14:28The last page of its book
01:14:29Crowley
01:14:30And that story is over
01:14:31I don't accept that
01:14:32And I do not accept that
01:14:34You're the one that gets to make
01:14:35All these decisions
01:14:36Why should that be?
01:14:38Very well
01:14:40I'll let you choose
01:14:43This decision
01:14:44This one decision
01:14:46Can be yours
01:14:47What do you want?
01:14:50Do you want me to put everything back
01:14:52The way it was?
01:14:56Can we talk?
01:14:57Very well
01:14:58I'll give you privacy
01:15:13So
01:15:16What do you want?
01:15:18Me?
01:15:18Why me?
01:15:20Because I only want one thing
01:15:23And that's not what this is about anymore
01:15:26What do you want, Crowley?
01:15:38You know what I'm
01:15:43I want a real universe
01:15:49I want the people to have a chance
01:15:53I want free will
01:15:54I want free will
01:15:54To be a real thing
01:16:00People deserve
01:16:01The chance
01:16:03To live in the real world
01:16:12Even if they're in the radios
01:16:17No demons
01:16:21No paths
01:16:26Ever again
01:16:39Did I say the wrong thing?
01:16:56I believe we've come to a decision
01:17:01So then
01:17:02He says
01:17:03I've got a better idea
01:17:05Let's not
01:17:06And say we did
01:17:08So I thought
01:17:09Well
01:17:10There you go
01:17:15Yes
01:17:17Made your decision
01:17:22We want you to create another universe
01:17:25One without angels
01:17:27Or demons
01:17:29No God
01:17:31No Satan
01:17:34A universe without a heaven
01:17:36And without a hell
01:17:37No great plan
01:17:39Nothing ineffable
01:17:41It just starts with the Big Bang
01:17:43And ends billions of years later
01:17:45With the heat death of the universe
01:17:47Oh yeah
01:17:48You know
01:17:48However it stops
01:17:49Heat death isn't a deal breaker
01:17:50You're asking God
01:17:52To create a Godless universe?
01:17:57Neither of you could ever exist
01:17:59In such a universe
01:18:00You understand
01:18:01Wait
01:18:03You're not going to indulge them
01:18:04In this nonsense
01:18:05Are you?
01:18:07Yes
01:18:08Yes I think I am
01:18:11You two fully comprehend the cost
01:18:15We know what we're asking for
01:18:19Very well
01:18:24I'll make it
01:18:25I'll make the universe
01:18:26Your way
01:18:27I'll even let an earth happen
01:18:29Eventually there'll be humans
01:18:32And life
01:18:32In all of its mundane glory
01:18:34Something that
01:18:36Both of you
01:18:38Will
01:18:38Neither know
01:18:39Or experience though
01:18:41That doesn't matter
01:18:45Say goodbye then
01:19:15I'll make it
01:19:37I don't know.
01:19:49Excuse me.
01:19:50Yes, come out.
01:19:51Yeah, I was just passing.
01:19:52I saw the show.
01:19:53I wondered, do you have any books on astrophysics?
01:19:56Astrophysics.
01:19:57Eric, do we have any books on astrophysics?
01:20:01Is it in there, beside gardening?
01:20:04Opposite philosophy.
01:20:07I knew that.
01:20:08This way.
01:20:12Ah, here we are.
01:20:15Um, astrophysics for everyone, from the Big Bang to the Pillars of Creation.
01:20:20God, we've had this for years.
01:20:22I think I could probably give it to you for half price.
01:20:27You have no idea how much that hurts me?
01:20:30Did I say something wrong?
01:20:32No, I shouldn't have said anything.
01:20:33Sorry.
01:20:33No.
01:20:34Um, I wrote it.
01:20:39Oh, uh, well, right?
01:20:42Yes, you, you, I mean, you don't want your own book.
01:20:45You've probably already got a copy.
01:20:47Two boxes in the garage.
01:20:49Um, well, how about this?
01:20:53Yes, it's not exactly cutting edge, but...
01:20:56Oh, this is, um, Arthur Eddington's book on Relativity.
01:21:00Yes, second edition, I'm afraid.
01:21:01Oh, this, I've always wanted a copy of this.
01:21:03Oh, wonderful.
01:21:04This is my lucky day.
01:21:05Oh, good.
01:21:07Mine too.
01:21:08How so?
01:21:08Because I, um, have a book you want.
01:21:13Fair enough.
01:21:15Oh, 20 pounds.
01:21:16Wonderful.
01:21:21Oh.
01:21:23Did you see we've got a couple of brown coxies?
01:21:27And that big book of astrophysics for everyone.
01:21:30No, no, he's, he's the author, Derek.
01:21:32Yes, he has two boxes in his garage.
01:21:34Oh.
01:21:35Definitely shouldn't have mentioned that.
01:21:36There you are.
01:21:37Enjoy.
01:21:38Uh, well, thank you.
01:21:46So, that was Professor Anthony Crowley.
01:21:51How'd you know that?
01:21:52Hmm?
01:21:53Well, his name's in big letters on the book you're still holding.
01:21:58Well, aren't you going to go after him?
01:22:01Why would I possibly go after him?
01:22:03Well, you liked him.
01:22:05And it looked very much like he liked you.
01:22:17Oh, I mean, excuse me.
01:22:18Stop.
01:22:19Oh, sorry, you, uh, Dalisa, is everything okay?
01:22:23Oh.
01:22:25I told you two boxes.
01:22:26No, I, I, I, I know.
01:22:27Um, sorry, a bit puffed.
01:22:31Um, no, I bought it.
01:22:33Would you, uh, could you, uh, sign it for me?
01:22:36Of course.
01:22:37What's your name?
01:22:38Uh, Fel, Aza Fel, with an S.
01:22:41Um.
01:22:41Oh, dear.
01:22:42Sorry.
01:22:43Uh, yeah.
01:22:47I, I, I need you to write your number down, too, for me.
01:22:52So I can ask you to dinner.
01:22:54Uh, and, uh, you'll say no, and, um, but at least I've asked.
01:23:04Um.
01:23:06I'm not going to give you one of the buttons.
01:23:07No, no, no, no, no.
01:23:09Sorry.
01:23:09I'll wait for you.
01:23:12Where are we having dinner?
01:23:14Oh.
01:23:15Oh, my God.
01:23:18Oh, my God.
01:23:22Oh, my God.
01:23:23Oh, my God.
01:23:25I can't even like her into a contract.
01:23:31Oh, my God.
01:23:33I can't even try.
01:23:34Oh.
01:23:35I can't even.
01:23:38Oh, my God.
01:23:42Almost left behind
01:23:46To the case of memories
01:23:50Time after summer
01:23:52So, how was everything?
01:23:54Oh, it was scrumptious, absolutely scrumptious
01:23:57I've never had anyone use that word in my life before
01:24:00How old my mother used to say
01:24:02Right
01:24:03Another one she used to say was tickety-boo
01:24:05Right
01:24:06And, uh, and Squiffy
01:24:08Squiffy, yes
01:24:09Hopelessly yet amusingly drunk
01:24:11Yes, yes
01:24:13Um, so the bookshop
01:24:14Ah, well, um, Derek, uh, he
01:24:19Time after time
01:24:20If you fall, I will catch you
01:24:23I'll be waiting
01:24:25Time after time
01:24:27If you're lost, you can look and you will find me
01:24:32Time after time
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