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[Hot 2026]
(2026) - FULL ENGSUB | Reelshort Hot HD
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Chinese Drama English Sub Full HD
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00:00:05I'll fucking kill you.
00:00:11I got you something.
00:00:12Tear.
00:00:13Does he still help everything?
00:00:14He does his best.
00:00:15My grandma was diagnosed with leukemia.
00:00:17I discovered a cure.
00:00:18They laughed at me.
00:00:20Fuck.
00:00:20Them.
00:00:21Oh.
00:00:22What's that smell?
00:00:24That's soldier boy.
00:00:25I can smell them all over here.
00:00:26Where's more?
00:00:27He just disappears every afternoon.
00:00:28Won't say where he's going.
00:00:29Won't say shit.
00:00:30I trusted you.
00:00:31Are you still buttered about me bringing in Stan Edgar?
00:00:33I thought we were friends.
00:00:34I needed a win from Homelander.
00:00:36Edgar was hit.
00:00:37We get the V1 first.
00:00:38We save Annie.
00:00:38We save Kimiko.
00:00:39Homelander gets it.
00:00:40He's immortal.
00:00:40Punch luck at bleeding sledgehammer.
00:00:42Lot of dice for fucking smack.
00:00:44Bombside.
00:00:45It's enriched uranium.
00:00:46Good luck getting out of a soup-proof cell
00:00:48while you're bleeding out of your ass.
00:00:50The V1 wasn't here.
00:00:52Just fucking do it already.
00:00:54I was visited by an angel.
00:00:56Today, we commit ourselves to a divine rebranding.
00:01:01I am the Messiah.
00:01:02The Democratic Church of America!
00:01:05Where are you from?
00:01:09They're up before dawn.
00:01:11They got a thousand heads of cattle to herd.
00:01:14It's hard work, and strong, coffee.
00:01:18Bold leather saddles, and the worn stock of a trusty Remington.
00:01:22And when the sun finally rises over the range, the cowboys know America is God's country, and Americans, God's chosen
00:01:32people.
00:01:33So shouldn't we have our own church for Americans, with American grit and American values, founded by the greatest American
00:01:41of us all, a true American prophet?
00:01:45Come home to the Democratic Church of America. Come home to Homelander.
00:01:50Already, the campaign's aided awareness outpaces the norm by plus 22 points, led by white men and women, ages 36
00:02:00to 54, and 55 to 72.
00:02:03We are also seeing massive growth on the ground level.
00:02:07Yeah, I'm seeing massive growth myself.
00:02:14Church attendance is up, and our online donation CTR is at 44%. That's a new record. Amen.
00:02:20Amen. Next up is a 500 million ad blitz with OOH, e-blasts, print and digital.
00:02:30Ain't nobody won't know about the Democratic Church of America and its chosen prophet.
00:02:41Prophets are servants.
00:02:44Of course, sir. Great point. We're just trying to ease people into it.
00:02:49No, no, no. We need to prepare America for my ascension.
00:02:55We must be honest. We must be direct.
00:02:58I like Savior.
00:02:59Or, or...
00:03:00Lord.
00:03:02Yes, I couldn't agree more, sir.
00:03:04Hmm.
00:03:04Religion is not about being meek.
00:03:07We should dominate the seven mountains of society.
00:03:11Bring the kingdom of heaven to earth. Amen.
00:03:13Amen.
00:03:14Amen. I love all that.
00:03:16So fucking dope.
00:03:17Easter is just around the corner.
00:03:18How perfect would it be for your second coming to come on the day of Jesus' resurrection?
00:03:26Second coming?
00:03:27Let's be clear.
00:03:28I am not the son of God.
00:03:32Well, of course, many people believe that Jesus is both God incarnate and the son.
00:03:38Well, that's just confusing.
00:03:40I don't want my church getting involved in all that.
00:03:43Exactly.
00:03:44Besides, if we pull up our timeline, you won't have this.
00:04:01We're going to drag our feet because of a book.
00:04:03Not a book.
00:04:05The book.
00:04:07The Homelander Bible.
00:04:14Heavy.
00:04:17It's got the Old Testament.
00:04:19The New Testament and the brand new American Testament, written by AI, trained on the works
00:04:26of Pat Robertson.
00:04:27See, we need to pass the torch, sir.
00:04:30From Jesus to you, sir.
00:04:33And we don't get more than one chance at a first impression.
00:04:37Are we really going to rush something this important?
00:04:42We ain't Arby's, after all.
00:04:45No.
00:04:47We're the Cheesecake Factory.
00:04:56We'll do it your way.
00:05:01You do realize this kind of sudden religious upheaval is likely to generate widespread civil
00:05:08unrest?
00:05:08Local law should be able to handle the suburbs, but we could use extra hands in major metros.
00:05:13Oh.
00:05:13Just recall all soups stationed overseas.
00:05:16American heroes should be protecting America, not who gives a fuck a stand.
00:05:19Great idea.
00:05:20Mm-hmm.
00:05:29Something wrong.
00:05:31Everything's beachy.
00:05:40Well, I can see why they call this the city that never sleeps.
00:05:44How could you with all that racket?
00:05:46You're getting used to it.
00:05:47You seem to if city life seems to suit you.
00:05:51I guess.
00:05:54I was surprised you called, Reverend.
00:05:56Well, I was surprised you answered.
00:05:58It's been a while, and I said things I regret.
00:06:01You both did.
00:06:06You remember when you used to stop by the church after school?
00:06:09Use your powers to light our candles?
00:06:12I remember staying for supper.
00:06:15Oh, man.
00:06:16Those fish fry Fridays.
00:06:18I never liked eating alone.
00:06:20Well, were you making sure I got at least one hot square a day?
00:06:27Reverend, is something the matter?
00:06:29I'm embarrassed to bug you with all of this, but the last couple of weeks have been rough.
00:06:35We've been bleeding congregants to the Democratic Church of America, and what folks are sticking
00:06:40around, they're scared.
00:06:42Why?
00:06:43Because last Sunday, somebody melted our stained glass window of Mary.
00:06:48Melted it?
00:06:49Mm-hmm.
00:06:50It was their local soup.
00:06:52Prey and mantis.
00:06:54He sprayed acid out of his butt.
00:06:57His glands, his whatever.
00:06:59Yeah, I know him.
00:07:00It was a message.
00:07:02I called the sheriff.
00:07:03I called the mayor.
00:07:04I've called half of Florida.
00:07:06You're all I got left.
00:07:09Reverend, I don't know what I could do.
00:07:10Well, you gotta be able to do something.
00:07:14Your Homelander's right hand.
00:07:17Homelander's not too keen on being challenged.
00:07:23Why not just pay the franchise fee and join?
00:07:25Honey, we can barely afford to pay our water bill.
00:07:27Well, besides the Democratic Church of America, God does not favor one nation over another.
00:07:36Doesn't he, though?
00:07:37No.
00:07:38Name one way God's ever blessed Canada.
00:07:44Just because Homelander tells you that the sky is red does not make it so.
00:07:52You still have that, uh, that Jesus action figure.
00:07:56I'm surprised you remember that.
00:07:58How could I forget it?
00:07:59You carried it with you everywhere you went.
00:08:00You almost wore the face off the thing.
00:08:02You still carry him?
00:08:09It's complicated.
00:08:11No, it's...
00:08:12I don't think it is.
00:08:14Homelander's, uh...
00:08:16He's a great American.
00:08:17He can stop bullets.
00:08:18He can fly and do amazing things.
00:08:21Those aren't miracles.
00:08:23And he is not God.
00:08:27If you're the same Misty Tucker Gray that I taught the Bible to over, Fish, I think you know it,
00:08:32too.
00:08:49We ain't doing that again.
00:08:51That's what you said the last six times.
00:08:53Well, I really mean it this time.
00:08:58You seem a little out of it.
00:09:00Did you nut?
00:09:02As usual, you nut.
00:09:07Were you baptized?
00:09:13Yeah, in front of half of Chestnut Hill.
00:09:15Governor Sproul did the honors.
00:09:17My family kept up appearances, of course.
00:09:20Then we never set foot in church again.
00:09:23I had lunch today with the Reverend who baptized me.
00:09:25He's been getting the heat to switch over to our church.
00:09:30You think Homelander might be open to going easy on him?
00:09:33Just give him a little more time.
00:09:36I wouldn't ask if it was just anybody, but that man practically raised me.
00:09:41So you didn't nut.
00:09:46You know, this whole Homelander is God shit.
00:09:49It's fucking ridiculous.
00:09:52Really, you think so?
00:09:54If he's a second coming, then what does that make me?
00:09:57Joseph?
00:09:58Let me talk about the biggest cuck in history.
00:10:00A man trades his best cow to bag some hot-ass virgin, and then God comes and squirts his baby
00:10:07gravy up her meat wallet.
00:10:09Fuck that.
00:10:11I guess I've been struggling with where to place Homelander in my heart in relation to Jesus and the Lord.
00:10:19Okay.
00:10:21Of course I worship Homelander.
00:10:22I mean, he's always been a god to me.
00:10:25Look, I'll tell you this.
00:10:27If there is a god, sure as hell didn't come out of my balls.
00:10:33I gotta go.
00:10:34Where are you off to?
00:10:36L.A.
00:10:38I fucking hate L.A.
00:10:44Homelander?
00:10:47Homelander?
00:10:51Hello?
00:10:55Does Homelander know you're here?
00:10:58Yeah, of course.
00:11:00Some of our church's followers generously donated their milk for our Savior's sustenance.
00:11:04I mean, he gotta get his liquid gold from somewhere, am I right?
00:11:09You need something.
00:11:11Where's Homelander?
00:11:12Oh, well, he didn't tell you.
00:11:14Yeah, he had to fly off to L.A.
00:11:16Strange he didn't mention anything.
00:11:18Well, I've been real busy working for his glory, so not much time for chit-chat.
00:11:22Of course.
00:11:23Look at us.
00:11:24The regular Peter and John, just bearing witness and spreading the gospel.
00:11:28A real blessing.
00:11:29Amen.
00:11:29Amen.
00:11:30A real blessing.
00:11:32Oh, uh, by the way, after our meeting, I checked in on the timeline of that Homelander Bible,
00:11:39and, uh, the printers were happy to rush it to make Easter.
00:11:44Well, ain't you full of get up and go?
00:11:47Thing is, they said it wasn't a problem.
00:11:49Um, so I wondered why you were so bent on holding it up.
00:11:55I wasn't.
00:11:57See, I just wanted to make sure everything was just right.
00:12:01Listen, if you are ever feeling any doubts, come to me.
00:12:07I could be a warm shoulder and a friendly ear.
00:12:11Oh, bless your heart.
00:12:15I'll do that.
00:12:19What'd you want to talk to Homelander about?
00:12:22Maybe I could help.
00:12:24That is so kind to you.
00:12:27But it wasn't important.
00:12:39What's up?
00:12:41Um, got a tip from our southeast stringer.
00:12:45Praying Mantis raided half a dozen churches in Daytona.
00:12:49Was one of them Holy Baptist?
00:12:53The man upstairs wants us, you, to run with it top of show.
00:12:57He thinks with it being your home church and all, it'll make a strong statement.
00:13:01So I'll have Chris load the new graphics.
00:13:05I gotta finish getting ready.
00:13:17Welcome to Truth Bomb.
00:13:19Our top story tonight's a personal one.
00:13:22It's the story of my hometown church.
00:13:25Holy Baptist of Daytona.
00:13:27It was the church I grew up in.
00:13:29Sang my hymns from the pews there every Sunday.
00:13:31But that church, that church, that church, that church has become a hotbed of starlighter infestation.
00:13:55And my old pastor, Reverend Greg Dupree, has been infected by starlight seditious propaganda.
00:14:11Now, I never told a soul of this, but when I was a little girl, the reverend regularly had me
00:14:18over for supper alone.
00:14:22And, you know, nothing ever happened to me, but I heard stories about his fish fry Fridays.
00:14:33And if that ain't code for child grooming, I don't know what is.
00:14:40Americans, how much longer are we going to let these institutional pedo churches diddle our babies?
00:14:52Americans deserve better.
00:14:57They deserve Homelander.
00:15:01They deserve the Democratic Church of America.
00:15:24Something wrong?
00:15:26Everything's beachy.
00:15:31Would you like some knee pads?
00:15:32I'm sorry?
00:15:33You're looking at me like you want to suck my hog.
00:15:37So I'm asking if you would like some knee pads.
00:15:41Take it easy on the little guy.
00:15:43You brought me Stan Edgar.
00:15:47Thank you, sir.
00:16:10Barry Gibb.
00:16:11B.G.
00:16:12There's no B.G.'s without me.
00:16:14B.G. means the brother's Gibb.
00:16:16What, you think that falsetto makes you boss?
00:16:18I think Saturday Night Fever going platinum 16 times makes me boss.
00:16:22We made that album together.
00:16:23You're nothing without me and Maurice.
00:16:25Don't you dare bring Maurice into this.
00:16:29I don't know.
00:16:30It feels inauthentic for Barry to move like this.
00:16:32Oh, yeah?
00:16:36In what way?
00:16:38Egomaniacs like Barry are really just insecure.
00:16:41I think he's threatened by Robin's talent.
00:16:43So maybe he expresses that by doing a barrel roll instead.
00:16:51Never mind.
00:16:52Sorry.
00:16:52I broke character.
00:16:53I didn't mean to.
00:16:55You need to apologize, all right?
00:16:58For being a fucking genius.
00:17:01Are you fucking kidding me?
00:17:03A barrel roll?
00:17:04Holy shit.
00:17:07It's brilliant.
00:17:09Justin, I don't know who you are
00:17:11or where you came from
00:17:13or anything about you,
00:17:14but my God,
00:17:15if you are not a fucking talent.
00:17:18Wow, thank you.
00:17:18No.
00:17:22Let's take ten, everybody.
00:17:27All right.
00:17:30Lay it on me, Justin.
00:17:32What do you mean?
00:17:33You're acting up there.
00:17:35Stop acting.
00:17:36Stop acting.
00:17:39Don't act.
00:17:40Don't.
00:17:41Because I don't need an actor.
00:17:45I need Barry Gap.
00:17:46You're right, boss.
00:17:47I'm sorry.
00:17:48My process has been all over the map.
00:17:50We're just...
00:17:51This scene is a little close to home.
00:17:54All right.
00:17:55Let me guess the egomaniac we're talking about.
00:17:56That's someone in your life?
00:17:58Someone I work with
00:18:00in my day job.
00:18:02All right.
00:18:02What are you doing?
00:18:02So quit.
00:18:03There's no way this gig is more important
00:18:04than the fucking theater.
00:18:05I thought this guy was my brother,
00:18:07but he straight up hijacked something I did
00:18:09and took all the credit for it.
00:18:11All right.
00:18:14I've been trying to keep this on the DL,
00:18:16but in addition to my theater work,
00:18:19I also happen to be a massive feature director
00:18:22for Saturn Wars to prove it.
00:18:24So I was working on this little film.
00:18:26I don't know.
00:18:26You may have heard of it called
00:18:27Dawn of the Seven,
00:18:28Billion Dollar Gross,
00:18:29but who's counting?
00:18:31There was this fucking guy,
00:18:34The Deep.
00:18:35He just kept upstaging everyone
00:18:37with his trite, shitty improvs.
00:18:40I heard he's a real baby.
00:18:42He's a Jared Leto-level baby bitch.
00:18:45But you've got to put people like that
00:18:46in their place, right?
00:18:48So whoever's upstaging you,
00:18:50you fucking upstage them right back.
00:18:53Okay?
00:18:53Yeah.
00:18:54All right.
00:18:54You got this, Pupula.
00:19:00So great you're here, bro.
00:19:03Yes, well, we need to meet young men
00:19:06where they are
00:19:06if we plan to usher them
00:19:08into the fold of our Lord.
00:19:09Mm, totes my goats.
00:19:11So listen, you know,
00:19:12I've got some ideas
00:19:13about how to take this whole church thing
00:19:15to the next level.
00:19:16Oh, yeah?
00:19:17So you know how
00:19:18communion wafers taste like dried shit?
00:19:21What if they were Nilla wafers instead, huh?
00:19:26Oh, yeah, and if you could
00:19:27throw in a commandment
00:19:28about how it's not cool
00:19:30to try and bone another bro's girl?
00:19:33We have that.
00:19:34That already exists.
00:19:36Great minds then, eh?
00:19:38Point is, me and Homelander,
00:19:39we go way back.
00:19:40I know what he likes, doesn't like,
00:19:41so you ever want to bounce some ideas back?
00:19:44Don't listen to him, bro.
00:19:46Oh, shit.
00:19:48He talks.
00:19:49No, he does not.
00:19:50He's not trying to help you.
00:19:51He's like those fish who suck on whales.
00:19:53He's talking about a sucker fish?
00:19:54He latches onto every new soup.
00:19:57Starlight, me, sage.
00:19:59He pretends he's a guy,
00:20:00but he's not the guy.
00:20:01He's a joke.
00:20:02That smell in his breath?
00:20:03It's because he's been clam diving.
00:20:05On clams.
00:20:06What?
00:20:07I have not done that.
00:20:08I have definitely never done that.
00:20:10Look, if you really want to impress Homelander,
00:20:12bring me on stage for Easter.
00:20:14Homelander can heal me,
00:20:15I'll get my voice back,
00:20:16and then I'll fly.
00:20:18You know I can fly, right?
00:20:20That's so fucking stupid, bro.
00:20:22Well, now, I'm gonna have to run this
00:20:23by Homelander, but, uh,
00:20:24an honest-to-God faith healing.
00:20:26That's like a nine-point bump
00:20:28with Pentecostals right there.
00:20:31Goddamn.
00:20:48There's my guy.
00:20:50A little pep in the step, huh?
00:20:53Sir, I did what you said,
00:20:55and I upstaged that fuckhead at work.
00:20:58I'm proud of you.
00:20:59You know, that's exactly how I handled
00:21:01that motherfucker Paul Rudd.
00:21:03He's not who you think he is.
00:21:04I appreciate the help, boss.
00:21:06You...
00:21:07Oh, my God, kid.
00:21:08You know what?
00:21:08Keep this between us, but...
00:21:10You know what Vought Studios hung me out to dry
00:21:12after they shelved training A-train?
00:21:14Oh, yeah.
00:21:16And at first I drowned my sorrows in crack.
00:21:19Nitrous, huff and glue,
00:21:20huff and paint, paint thinners,
00:21:21cough medicine, guns, high-risk sex,
00:21:23codeine.
00:21:24Did you ever fuck on codeine?
00:21:28But that's not the answer.
00:21:32This play...
00:21:34It saved me.
00:21:36You saved me.
00:21:38Wow.
00:21:40No.
00:21:41Kid, thank you.
00:21:43Because I got some big news.
00:21:46We're going to Broadway.
00:21:47Yes, no more mindless studio bullshit.
00:21:50I can finally be the artist I least dreamed of,
00:21:52and you...
00:21:52Kid, you have no idea,
00:21:53but you're going to be a fucking star.
00:21:56So you ditch that office, kid,
00:21:58because you and I,
00:21:59we are going to save the world...
00:22:02with our talent.
00:22:03Oh, my God, you have no idea
00:22:04how much this means to me.
00:22:08I love you, kid.
00:22:12You start your vocal warm-ups.
00:22:14Yeah.
00:22:15I'm going to drop a juice.
00:22:16Okay.
00:22:22Fuckin' Tony Gilroy.
00:22:37Adam?
00:22:39Oh, my...
00:22:41Get it out!
00:22:42Get it out!
00:22:44Get it out!
00:22:48God!
00:22:51Come here.
00:22:55Closer.
00:23:01My ass hurts so fucking much.
00:23:28Hey, bro.
00:23:29Don't you fucking hate, bro-me?
00:23:30What the fuck is wrong with you?
00:23:33Nothing.
00:23:34Why?
00:23:34What's wrong with you?
00:23:35I call you a clam diver,
00:23:36and you send an eel to ass-murder Adam Bork?
00:23:39Did something terrible happen
00:23:40at your play rehearsal today?
00:23:42Which is definitely not your job.
00:23:43The lead producer's stepping away.
00:23:45They're shuttering the production.
00:23:47Get it coming.
00:23:49Fucker didn't use my improvs
00:23:50in Donna the Seven.
00:23:51He believed in me,
00:23:52you fuckwit!
00:23:53And for what?
00:23:53Because I fucking upstaged you
00:23:55with Oh Father?
00:23:57Here's what's going to happen now.
00:23:59You are going to fucking do
00:24:01whatever I say,
00:24:02whenever I say it.
00:24:03I'm going to tell Homelander
00:24:04you are in some pussy play,
00:24:06which is a definite conflict of interest
00:24:08since Homelander outlawed
00:24:10the National Endowment for the Arts.
00:24:14You have nothing to say?
00:24:16Nice.
00:24:18You were getting the hang
00:24:19of that Meisner technique, huh?
00:24:28Hey, buddy.
00:24:30Good boy.
00:24:32Good boy.
00:24:37You want to fuck me?
00:24:39You want to fuck me
00:24:41like a good boy?
00:24:43You want to fuck me
00:24:43like a good boy?
00:24:43You want to fuck me
00:24:45like a good boy?
00:24:46We have our own church member
00:24:48of the Americans.
00:24:59Hold on.
00:25:01What are you doing?
00:25:02Frenchie won't cook my steak
00:25:03pasipenium rare
00:25:04and I like mine burnt
00:25:05with ketchup.
00:25:06Okay, then why don't you
00:25:07tell him that?
00:25:08I have.
00:25:10Maybe we just don't like
00:25:11the same steak.
00:25:14You know?
00:25:18Jesus Christ.
00:25:19Has Butcher ever
00:25:20washed this thing?
00:25:22That thing is like
00:25:23glazed in dog semen.
00:25:25Like a cum donut.
00:25:26Cum nut?
00:25:27Did I just invent a new word?
00:25:29You know what?
00:25:29I'm going to do us all a favor
00:25:30and wash this.
00:25:31Terror, your boyfriend
00:25:33is about to become a virgin
00:25:34all over again.
00:25:35Whew.
00:25:36Good boy.
00:25:56What the fuck is that?
00:25:57You finally building yourself
00:25:58a fuckbot?
00:25:59Something me and Frenchie
00:26:00are working on.
00:26:02Proper preparation
00:26:03and planning, my son.
00:26:05None of my fucking business
00:26:06got it.
00:26:06Yeah, that's the one.
00:26:08Any leads on bombsite?
00:26:09Not a damn thing.
00:26:10He's an unbreakable cunt
00:26:11that flies through the air.
00:26:12How hard can it be?
00:26:13Well, if it's so easy,
00:26:15why don't you look for him?
00:26:16I've hit every single
00:26:17dead end and then some.
00:26:19How about legend?
00:26:20That old bastard
00:26:21knows everyone.
00:26:22He's in the wind.
00:26:23If I had as much shit
00:26:24on Vardy as he did,
00:26:25I'd fuck off too.
00:26:27Oh, shit.
00:26:28Wait, wait, wait.
00:26:29Hey, Taron, no!
00:26:30Hey, get down!
00:26:31Good boy, good boy.
00:26:33No.
00:26:34You can't have
00:26:35no chocolate, mate.
00:26:36Yeah, get your own chocolate.
00:26:44What?
00:26:45Free Mississippi rule.
00:26:47Bloody hell.
00:26:48I never thought
00:26:48I'd see the day.
00:26:49It's got a fucking
00:26:50pubic ear on it and all.
00:26:51Tasty, too.
00:26:53Hmm?
00:26:56You know what's funny?
00:26:59Here we are,
00:27:00parked in the middle of hell,
00:27:02and I've never slept
00:27:04or shit so good
00:27:05my entire life.
00:27:06What's different?
00:27:07Well, like you,
00:27:09I just finally realized
00:27:10that I'm already dead.
00:27:13And once I just gave up
00:27:16that stress of needing
00:27:17to stay alive,
00:27:18it's like
00:27:20shit got easier.
00:27:22You know,
00:27:22I spent my whole life
00:27:23going after Soldier Boy
00:27:25for what he did
00:27:26to my family.
00:27:27Yet,
00:27:28he's immortal?
00:27:30He's immune.
00:27:33What kind of
00:27:34fucking cosmic joke
00:27:35is that?
00:27:36So you tell me,
00:27:37Butcher,
00:27:39why should I keep going?
00:27:41Well,
00:27:42you keep going
00:27:43from Monique
00:27:44to Janine.
00:27:45Then better off
00:27:46without me.
00:27:47How can a man
00:27:48so smart
00:27:48be so fucking daft?
00:27:50They are.
00:27:51And I'm better off
00:27:53without them.
00:27:54Because if I thought
00:27:55that there was
00:27:56a snowball's chance
00:27:57in hell,
00:27:58that I might see him again,
00:28:02then I might be
00:28:03too scared to do
00:28:04what you and me both
00:28:06need me to do.
00:28:30You wonder what am I doing?
00:28:33Well, first,
00:28:34I made Kimiko,
00:28:36the perfect
00:28:37French rebuy.
00:28:39You know,
00:28:40she loves my steak.
00:28:41And for dessert,
00:28:44my souffle en chocolate.
00:28:46It's a thing of legend.
00:28:55You know she wants
00:28:56one of you
00:28:58to...
00:28:58I don't know.
00:29:00What is it that you do?
00:29:03Eat, sleep,
00:29:05or fetch?
00:29:07I throw the wall.
00:29:08You bring it back.
00:29:10I throw the wall.
00:29:11You bring it back.
00:29:13It's a nightmare
00:29:14of futility.
00:29:16What would I do
00:29:17with one of you?
00:29:18I've killed
00:29:19every plant I've owned.
00:29:21I'll surely
00:29:22kill you too.
00:29:23I don't know.
00:29:28She deserves peace.
00:29:32A normal life.
00:29:35But I...
00:29:41I don't know
00:29:42how to give her this.
00:29:46If I even can.
00:29:52Oh, la la la la.
00:29:58No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:30:01Oh, futile fruit.
00:30:07I need fresh air.
00:30:09You wanna come?
00:30:10Outside?
00:30:11No?
00:30:12Okay.
00:30:19If you and MM
00:30:20still think...
00:30:21Oh, for fuck's sakes,
00:30:21you, knock it off
00:30:22with this V1 shite.
00:30:23You're doing me
00:30:24fucking head in.
00:30:26Oi.
00:30:27Terror.
00:30:28Cut it out.
00:30:29Come on.
00:30:30Now, listen.
00:30:31If we do find that stuff,
00:30:32we're not making
00:30:33any fucking vaccines
00:30:34out of it, alright?
00:30:35We're not the
00:30:35Department of fucking Health.
00:30:36We burn this shit
00:30:37before Omelander
00:30:38gets his paws on it,
00:30:39and that's it.
00:30:40Well, if you wanna kill yourself,
00:30:41knock yourself out,
00:30:42but why do you have to
00:30:42decide for the rest of us?
00:30:43Oh, cause I'm fucking right.
00:30:45Cause I've always been right.
00:30:47I've been telling you,
00:30:47lot, from the fucking start,
00:30:49the sky has fallen.
00:30:50And guess what?
00:30:51The sky fucking fell.
00:30:53Well, you kinda helped
00:30:54bring it down.
00:30:54Oh, don't give me
00:30:55that bollocks.
00:30:56Listen,
00:30:57Omelander thinks
00:30:58he's a fucking god.
00:30:59Once he becomes immortal,
00:31:01he's gonna start
00:31:02killing like one,
00:31:03and we are talking
00:31:03millions of people.
00:31:05Now, you're telling me
00:31:06you're honestly happy
00:31:08to risk all of that
00:31:09for a life on the run
00:31:10with your girl,
00:31:12knowing
00:31:13that you could have
00:31:14stopped it.
00:31:17you can live with that,
00:31:18can you?
00:31:21What if it was Becca?
00:31:25You just let her die?
00:31:32I did let her die.
00:31:35Look,
00:31:36I know that
00:31:37Homelander comes first.
00:31:39I really do.
00:31:41All I'm asking
00:31:42is that we try.
00:31:45Annie and Kimiko
00:31:46deserve that much.
00:31:50Oi, Tara, no!
00:31:53Oi, get out of there!
00:31:54Oh, bloody hell.
00:31:55Is that chocolate?
00:31:56Isn't chocolate
00:31:57bad for dogs?
00:31:58For a dog,
00:31:58the soda's fucking lethal.
00:32:00Oi, pressure, you cunt!
00:32:01Get me some
00:32:02hydrogen peroxide,
00:32:03would ya?
00:32:03Okay, we have some
00:32:03in the first day,
00:32:04take it.
00:32:04Give me one second.
00:32:05What happened?
00:32:06You poisoned me
00:32:07fucking dog!
00:32:08No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:32:10Look, all you need
00:32:11is charcoal.
00:32:12We should call a vet.
00:32:13They're gonna tell you
00:32:13you need charcoal.
00:32:14Guys, we got this.
00:32:14Just give us some room.
00:32:15I'll hold his mouth open.
00:32:16You pour, right?
00:32:17On the count of three.
00:32:18One, two, three.
00:32:20Sorry, buddy.
00:32:21Hang out.
00:32:24That's all right, all right.
00:32:28Oh, that's in it.
00:32:30That's a good boy.
00:32:31All right.
00:32:32You're gonna be all right, boy.
00:32:35Fucking hell.
00:32:41Hey!
00:32:42You want some turkey?
00:32:45Well, first, you gotta fuck me.
00:32:48Then I'll give you the turkey.
00:32:56Oi.
00:32:58There he is, eh?
00:33:01Oi.
00:33:02Hey, were you having a dream,
00:33:03were you?
00:33:04Was it a goodie?
00:33:08How's he doing?
00:33:09How's he doing?
00:33:09Yeah.
00:33:10He's all right.
00:33:12Thank you for, uh...
00:33:15Yeah.
00:33:15It's all good.
00:33:27Oi.
00:33:28Yui.
00:33:29Yui.
00:33:33Listen, uh...
00:33:35If we do find that B1,
00:33:38and if it don't fuck us,
00:33:42you can have some.
00:33:46For Annie and, uh...
00:33:48I'm coming home.
00:33:50What about you?
00:33:54Oi.
00:33:54But as soon as Frenchie's got that shite sorted,
00:33:56we're using it, all right?
00:33:58Really or not?
00:34:12What do you look at that?
00:34:16Nothing.
00:34:21And as for you,
00:34:23don't you ever fucking do that to me again, all right?
00:34:26Good boy.
00:34:28Now,
00:34:29I caught Blondie trying to give you a wet plus the boil wash.
00:34:33But I know how you love the crunchy bits.
00:34:36Yes, I do.
00:34:36I know how you love those crunchy bits.
00:34:38Yeah.
00:34:51You do realize
00:34:52this kind of sudden religious upheaval
00:34:56is likely to generate widespread civil unrest.
00:34:59Local law can handle the suburbs,
00:35:00but we could use extra hands in major metros.
00:35:02All right.
00:35:02Well, recall all the soups stationed overseas.
00:35:05American heroes should be protecting America,
00:35:07not who gives a fuck a stand.
00:35:10Great idea.
00:35:22Where to?
00:35:23Crime analytics.
00:35:30That was thrilling,
00:35:32wasn't it?
00:35:34What a bright future we have ahead of us.
00:35:37It was a real Gucci-one-y piss party.
00:35:40Imagine how much more exciting it'll be
00:35:43when Homelander becomes immortal.
00:35:47Have you found Livy Ward?
00:35:51No.
00:35:53Homelander hasn't gotten anything out of Stan Edgar.
00:35:56No.
00:35:56But I haven't had a crack at him yet.
00:36:09Jesus, give me a little personal space,
00:36:11will you, Garth?
00:36:1424-7 agents must be hard
00:36:16for someone so into scat play.
00:36:17You realize I do actually work?
00:36:19I was this close to convincing the FCC
00:36:21to pull every broadcast license but VNN.
00:36:24Homelander feels this is more important.
00:36:28What now?
00:36:29The president and I stand by this decision.
00:36:32We need our American soups here in America.
00:36:35Well, isn't it kind of, sort of,
00:36:37your fault for being invaded?
00:36:38You might as well have been wearing a short skirt.
00:36:41Man, those Ukrainians sure have a fucking mouth on them.
00:36:44Remember,
00:36:45you're doing the Lord's work.
00:36:47Words out.
00:36:48Vod's stock is tanking.
00:36:49The international markets are in free fall,
00:36:51and you're not the least bit concerned.
00:36:53It's not about what I think.
00:36:55It's what the man wants.
00:36:57It's always what the man wants.
00:37:05You want a drink?
00:37:06So we're at the climate change summit in Reykjavik
00:37:09when the Swiss chancellor says
00:37:11we should all race our Gulf streams.
00:37:13The amount of CO2 we splooged out,
00:37:15the air was chewy the next day.
00:37:17Lolz.
00:37:22Come on.
00:37:23What do you want from me, Sage?
00:37:25What makes you think I want anything from you?
00:37:26You haven't called me the poster child
00:37:28for a late-term abortion once today.
00:37:30Truth be told,
00:37:31you're not the one I want.
00:37:33I know you know what Homelander's doing.
00:37:36He's going after the V1.
00:37:37Wait, what?
00:37:38And if he gets any.
00:37:40He lives forever.
00:37:41What is V1?
00:37:42And what do you mean Homelander lives forever?
00:37:45I've done what I can
00:37:46to make sure he doesn't find any.
00:37:47How do you know about this and I don't?
00:37:50Have you two been talking without me?
00:37:53Homelander is an open baby book,
00:37:55but Soldier Boy is tricky.
00:37:56I need you to read his mind,
00:37:57what he knows,
00:37:58where they're headed next,
00:37:59and most importantly,
00:38:00if Soldier Boy is warming up
00:38:02to his sadistic rugrat.
00:38:05Okay, I'm in.
00:38:06The fuck you are?
00:38:08We are not conspiring against Homelander.
00:38:10Hey, don't forget the Aung San Suu Kyi quote
00:38:12tramp stamped on our ass.
00:38:14The only real prison is fear.
00:38:16No, the only real prison is prison.
00:38:18Ashley, what do you think happens to you
00:38:20if I die?
00:38:22I'm not about to risk my neck
00:38:23because I let an overgrown Boyle
00:38:25do my thinking for me.
00:38:27Okay, fine.
00:38:28Just stay.
00:38:29Why?
00:38:29So you can play more mind games?
00:38:31You gave me your answer.
00:38:32I heard you.
00:38:33Now, don't make me drink alone.
00:38:39I'm starving.
00:38:40Are you starving?
00:38:41I'd kill for a chalupa right now.
00:38:43I'd kill for a big juicy dick.
00:38:45Oh, we should call Gavin.
00:38:46His girth was amazing.
00:38:48And oh man,
00:38:48the amount of spunk he shot back here.
00:38:50We looked like Pepe Le Pew.
00:38:51We are not booty calling
00:38:52my high school boyfriend.
00:38:54But he was so sweet.
00:38:55And mom loved him, remember?
00:38:56Yeah, well mom's dead,
00:38:57so she doesn't get a say.
00:38:59And neither do you.
00:39:00What happened to her?
00:39:01Cancer.
00:39:02My grandmother too.
00:39:04What was she like?
00:39:06Your mother.
00:39:08Tiny.
00:39:10And terrifying.
00:39:11This one bitch, Harper Hewitt,
00:39:13used to make fun of my nose.
00:39:15So my mom tells Mr. Hewitt
00:39:17that Mrs. Hewitt
00:39:18has been railing the UPS guy,
00:39:20which she was.
00:39:21That was mom.
00:39:22Bringing a nuke to a knife fight.
00:39:27So they moved.
00:39:29And the rest of kindergarten
00:39:30was no sweat.
00:39:32My folks shot me out with V,
00:39:34thinking I'd be a meal ticket.
00:39:36And then my power turned out
00:39:37to be smarts.
00:39:39Which is the worst fucking one.
00:39:41Try knowing what everyone
00:39:41really thinks of you all day.
00:39:43Ooh, trust me.
00:39:44The thing people hate
00:39:45more than just about anything
00:39:47is feeling stupid.
00:39:49So, when a three-year-old
00:39:51corrects your grammar,
00:39:52or, oh, tells them
00:39:53their life dream yogurt shop
00:39:56is doomed to fail,
00:39:57they start to hate you too.
00:39:58At least my parents did.
00:40:00Until they dumped me
00:40:01at my grandmas.
00:40:02But, Grandma.
00:40:04You know, she was the only one
00:40:05who ever thought it was a gift.
00:40:08I would quote Othello to her.
00:40:10Word for word.
00:40:11And, and...
00:40:12She'd clap.
00:40:14And laugh her big laugh.
00:40:19I'm still so pissed
00:40:20she is gone.
00:40:23I used to want to
00:40:24be like my mom.
00:40:27Strong.
00:40:28Pushy as fuck.
00:40:30Didn't take shit from anyone.
00:40:31You still can.
00:40:34If you help me.
00:40:38Fuck you.
00:40:40You knew about my mom
00:40:40the whole time.
00:40:41You drew it out of me
00:40:42just to soften me up.
00:40:44Did it work?
00:40:44No.
00:40:45This is my fucking problem
00:40:46with you.
00:40:47I know you've been working
00:40:48some big plan all year.
00:40:49How am I supposed to trust you
00:40:50if I'm just a pawn
00:40:51in your fucked up chess game?
00:40:53All right.
00:40:55If I tell you,
00:40:56will you help me?
00:40:58I would heavily consider it.
00:41:00Helping Homelander
00:41:01take control of the country
00:41:02is phase one.
00:41:04It was only ever the beginning.
00:41:05Phase two is the end.
00:41:07The end of what?
00:41:08The world.
00:41:10After this soup-killing virus
00:41:12is released.
00:41:13Wait, you want it released?
00:41:14Oh, you bet I do.
00:41:16After soups you realize
00:41:18humans are behind it,
00:41:19all hell will break loose.
00:41:22Soups butchering humans,
00:41:23virus butchering soups.
00:41:25Oh, fucking world war soup.
00:41:26I don't believe you.
00:41:28Swear on my grandma's soul.
00:41:30Why would you possibly want that?
00:41:32Because I'll be watching
00:41:33from my cozy bunker
00:41:34outside Colorado Springs.
00:41:36And when it's all over,
00:41:38I can read all day, every day.
00:41:41No one bothering me.
00:41:44Nothing but peace and quiet forever.
00:41:49Which is why Homelander can't survive.
00:41:52That needy asshole
00:41:53would never give me a moment's rest.
00:41:55And defeats the whole purpose.
00:41:57Don't worry.
00:41:59You're invited to my bunker.
00:42:01You too, Ashley.
00:42:06Fuck.
00:42:10Would you like some knee pads?
00:42:12Sorry.
00:42:12What?
00:42:13You're looking at me
00:42:14like you want to suck my hog.
00:42:18So I'm asking you
00:42:19if you would like some knee pads.
00:42:21Go easy on the little guy.
00:42:23He brought me Stan Edgar.
00:42:24Thank you, sir.
00:42:25You may leave.
00:42:27No.
00:42:37What crawled up your shithole?
00:42:39No idea what you mean.
00:42:41When you're pissy,
00:42:43you tend to make
00:42:44everybody else's lives pissy too.
00:42:47Stan Edgar,
00:42:48still stonewalling you.
00:42:49I've talked to him three times now.
00:42:51Says he has no idea
00:42:52where the V1 is.
00:42:53Heart rate,
00:42:54steady as a rock.
00:42:55I'm starting to believe him.
00:42:56That slippery fuck
00:42:58used to fetch my cocaine.
00:43:02You know what?
00:43:04I have an idea.
00:43:07Why don't I take a crack at him?
00:43:12What, you don't trust me?
00:43:13Well,
00:43:14you did lock me in a room
00:43:16with nuclear material
00:43:17and tried to stop me
00:43:19getting the V1.
00:43:20So,
00:43:21I'm sure you can understand
00:43:22my
00:43:24hesitance.
00:43:24You could have killed me
00:43:26at Fort Harmony,
00:43:27but you didn't.
00:43:28Maybe I feel like I owe you.
00:43:29Or maybe you're lying.
00:43:31Maybe.
00:43:37Give me an hour.
00:43:39I'll meet you
00:43:40at Edgar's cell.
00:43:51My, my.
00:43:52Now the mighty
00:43:53have fucked themselves
00:43:54square in the ass.
00:43:57Don't shit where you eat, Stan.
00:43:59So you've called in
00:44:00reinforcement?
00:44:00I wanted to see the prick
00:44:01that sold me out to the Reds.
00:44:03It wasn't personal.
00:44:04It was a business decision.
00:44:05We had your replacement model
00:44:07on the way.
00:44:08Even as a toddler,
00:44:10Homelander showed more promise
00:44:11than you ever did.
00:44:13Not that it amounted to much.
00:44:16When have you ever done anything
00:44:20remotely interesting
00:44:21or original?
00:44:23My power
00:44:24is absolute, Stan.
00:44:27At heights
00:44:27no one's even dreamed of.
00:44:30I'd call that pretty fucking original.
00:44:32Nothing that the lowest speck
00:44:33of this pointless species
00:44:35couldn't have thought of
00:44:36were they to be granted
00:44:38your level of power.
00:44:40Why
00:44:42am I still alive?
00:44:44Because
00:44:44you're useful, Stan.
00:44:47And I always wanted a pet.
00:44:49Perhaps.
00:44:50Or is it because
00:44:51you are so desperate
00:44:52for daddy figures
00:44:53that you can't even
00:44:54bring yourself to kill
00:44:55the ones who hate you?
00:44:57At least that's something
00:44:59he and I have in common.
00:45:01Do you want to die, Stan?
00:45:09Jesus.
00:45:10You'd get pregnant
00:45:11with all the eye-fucking
00:45:14Tempe, Arizona.
00:45:15Is that supposed to mean something?
00:45:17Well, I had the eggheads
00:45:18and crime analytics
00:45:19track down your granddaughter,
00:45:22Zoe,
00:45:23and her dad.
00:45:24They're in Tempe, Arizona.
00:45:30So, where is the V-1?
00:45:35As I told you,
00:45:36I genuinely don't know.
00:45:44But,
00:45:47I may know someone who does.
00:45:48You should go and see
00:45:50Mr. Marathon in L.A.
00:45:52He's always had
00:45:53an intense interest
00:45:55in Vaught's history.
00:45:57It should be
00:45:58a delightful reunion.
00:46:04Hooray for Hollywood.
00:46:06That screwy,
00:46:07ballyhoo-y Hollywood.
00:46:09Go out and try your luck.
00:46:11You might be Donald Duck.
00:46:14Hooray for Hollywood.
00:46:15Homelander,
00:46:16it's really, uh,
00:46:17really good to see you.
00:46:18Um, why?
00:46:19But, uh, you know,
00:46:19what brings you by?
00:46:20Relax.
00:46:21We're just here to talk.
00:46:22Yeah, great.
00:46:23Awesome.
00:46:23Soldier Boy.
00:46:24Wow.
00:46:25Big fan, sir.
00:46:25I actually, uh,
00:46:26popped my cherry
00:46:27in your underoos.
00:46:28Nice.
00:46:30So, you were part of the Seven?
00:46:31I was, I was.
00:46:33You know, until this one
00:46:33replaced me with A-Train.
00:46:35Check it out.
00:46:35Come on.
00:46:37Well, you're only
00:46:38the world's fastest man
00:46:39as long as you're
00:46:39the world's fastest man,
00:46:41champ, and you got slow.
00:46:42It was one race.
00:46:43You never gave me
00:46:44the chance to win it back, boss.
00:46:49Hey, check this one out.
00:46:52Gross 35 mil.
00:46:53On a $200 million budget.
00:46:55These aren't even VOD films.
00:46:56What's the difference?
00:46:57These were made
00:46:58where washed-up soups
00:46:59go to die.
00:47:00Sony Pictures TV.
00:47:02It's a legit studio.
00:47:04And I save half
00:47:05on their TV.
00:47:05And maybe we're not
00:47:07part of the official VCU,
00:47:08and maybe we can't
00:47:09mention VOD,
00:47:09or, you know,
00:47:10any licensed VOD hero.
00:47:12But, hey,
00:47:13still making magic.
00:47:15That and I, uh,
00:47:16I sling a little bit.
00:47:17On the side,
00:47:18low pills,
00:47:18Ozembeck,
00:47:19whatever you need.
00:47:19Fastest dealer in town.
00:47:21All right, come on.
00:47:22The gang will be psyched
00:47:22to meet you.
00:47:28Did you guys hear
00:47:29they rounded up
00:47:30Aziz, Macaulay,
00:47:32Joaquin,
00:47:32Kiefer, Meryl?
00:47:33I also heard
00:47:34they got Benedict.
00:47:35Wong or Cumberbatch?
00:47:36Oh, fuck!
00:47:37I know, dude.
00:47:38What the fuck,
00:47:38Malchemical?
00:47:39Get your boys in check,
00:47:40huh?
00:47:40Just because I'm a soup
00:47:41doesn't mean I truck
00:47:41in that fascist shit.
00:47:42We need to do something.
00:47:44Counterpoint, why?
00:47:45Because we're storytellers,
00:47:46dude.
00:47:47Our superpower is we inspire
00:47:49hearts and minds.
00:47:50Look at the characters
00:47:51we create.
00:47:51Luke Skywalker,
00:47:52Katniss,
00:47:53Condi.
00:47:54Oh, bitch, please.
00:47:55Come on, like Mark Hamill,
00:47:56J-Law,
00:47:56and Sir Ben Kingsley
00:47:58do anything but collect
00:47:59their fucking residuals.
00:48:00They're very engaged.
00:48:02Look, here's what we do.
00:48:03We all post about this
00:48:04simultaneously on Instagram.
00:48:07Yes.
00:48:07Black squares on the main feed.
00:48:09Black Lives Matter
00:48:09did black squares.
00:48:10Fuck.
00:48:11You're right.
00:48:11We do blue squares on the grid
00:48:13because blue lives matter.
00:48:14I wouldn't post that.
00:48:16Is there any color
00:48:17that hasn't been taken
00:48:18by some fucking group?
00:48:19What about white?
00:48:20Well, oh, ooh, ooh,
00:48:22I'll get Lena Dunham
00:48:23to write an editorial
00:48:24for The Atlantic.
00:48:25Oh, yeah.
00:48:25That'll really enable
00:48:26that as great readership.
00:48:28She's a very persuasive.
00:48:29Whatever fuck stinks.
00:48:31Look, best day of my life
00:48:32was when they executed Hater,
00:48:34right?
00:48:34More offer onlys
00:48:35for the forte.
00:48:37Hey, do we think
00:48:37Michael Cera's a starlighter?
00:48:38Because we're up
00:48:39for the same part right now
00:48:39and it'd be pretty good
00:48:40if you got Vanish.
00:48:41We've been friends with him
00:48:42for 20 years, Chris.
00:48:43Yeah, but I really
00:48:44need this part, man.
00:48:45Oh, no.
00:48:46Oh, no.
00:48:47What's up?
00:48:48Homelander.
00:48:49Soldier Boy.
00:48:50Wow.
00:48:50I'm Will.
00:48:51Remember me?
00:48:52I'm the one
00:48:53who turned in Channing Tatum.
00:48:57Seth Rogen.
00:48:58We actually met once before
00:48:59with Black Noir,
00:49:00the premiere for
00:49:01Silent Vengeance 3,
00:49:02Vengeance Reloaded.
00:49:05Big fan.
00:49:06I'm actually testifying
00:49:07in front of Congress for you,
00:49:08you know,
00:49:08outing suspected starlighters.
00:49:10Spoiler alert,
00:49:11Post Malone.
00:49:13You need to get the fuck
00:49:14away from me right now.
00:49:15You bet, yeah.
00:49:17We came here
00:49:18looking for something.
00:49:19What do you know
00:49:20about V1?
00:49:23You come to the right place.
00:49:33Here you go.
00:49:37Oh, yeah.
00:49:38Vought yanked that one
00:49:39from the newsstands
00:49:40after Kent State.
00:49:42Good times.
00:49:44How'd you end up with it?
00:49:45Some old bitch on eBay.
00:49:47I paid 20 bucks.
00:49:48I mean,
00:49:48it'd go for half a mil
00:49:49at auction.
00:49:50Easy.
00:49:59Yeah,
00:49:59Dr. Vought was, uh,
00:50:01was a titan.
00:50:01A visionary.
00:50:03He was a pansy
00:50:04with a German accent
00:50:05and sweaty palms.
00:50:06He was a complicated guy.
00:50:15Do you
00:50:17or do you not
00:50:18have V1?
00:50:21I don't.
00:50:23But Bombside does.
00:50:24He does.
00:50:26That piece of shit
00:50:27is still alive.
00:50:28Yeah.
00:50:28He was my best customer
00:50:29for a long time.
00:50:30What makes you think
00:50:31he has it?
00:50:31One night,
00:50:32he was tweaked
00:50:33out of his gourd
00:50:33and he told me
00:50:34he has some
00:50:35and I believe him.
00:50:35Where is he?
00:50:36Me and Bombside
00:50:37are so cool.
00:50:37Why don't we all
00:50:38just hang out
00:50:38for a sec
00:50:39and I'll call him.
00:50:40He'll fly right over.
00:50:49Let's get this up
00:50:50in Bogota
00:50:50where you were
00:50:51taking a pass.
00:50:51I mean,
00:50:52for the soldier boy,
00:50:54nothing but the best.
00:51:00Seth?
00:51:02Oh, no.
00:51:03I actually hate weed.
00:51:04I just pretend
00:51:05to like it for my brand
00:51:06so I can sell
00:51:06ashtrays to suckers.
00:51:11Yo, Homelander.
00:51:13You want to hit this?
00:51:15It is my life goal
00:51:16to smoke you out, homie.
00:51:20Don't call me that.
00:51:24Homelander,
00:51:25it's good to see you again.
00:51:30Do I know you?
00:51:31Yeah, we met
00:51:32like six times.
00:51:33Malchemical.
00:51:35Make deadly gases.
00:51:36Did that whole campaign
00:51:37with gas sex?
00:51:42That's embarrassing.
00:51:44Homelander's still
00:51:44as weird as he was
00:51:45when I was there.
00:51:47Well, I wasn't there
00:51:47back then,
00:51:48but yes.
00:51:50Let's get this one.
00:51:51One time,
00:51:51at Ledoux,
00:51:52Misha Barton
00:51:53wanted to suck him off,
00:51:54right?
00:51:54He spent two hours
00:51:55talking to her
00:51:55about Nietzsche,
00:51:56then left
00:51:57when she stepped
00:51:57on his cape.
00:51:58Oh,
00:51:59that fucking cape.
00:52:00Like a baby
00:52:00with a blanket.
00:52:02Pretty sure he jerks
00:52:03off into it.
00:52:03Probably why it's so stiff.
00:52:05Say that again.
00:52:10Oh,
00:52:10can't you take
00:52:11a fucking joke?
00:52:15Say it again.
00:52:18I thought as much.
00:52:19If Bonsai's not coming,
00:52:21I'm leaving.
00:52:21No, he's on his way.
00:52:22Be here any minute.
00:52:23I swear.
00:52:27Nah, I'm done.
00:52:31Oh, shit.
00:52:32By the way,
00:52:33hey!
00:52:34I heard you all,
00:52:35and I want you all
00:52:36to know
00:52:37that very soon,
00:52:38gentlemen,
00:52:38you are going to pay
00:52:39for your sick posts
00:52:41and your hateful memes.
00:52:43Especially the memes.
00:52:48No, no, no, no.
00:52:49It was Kamail
00:52:50and Seth's idea.
00:52:51What?
00:52:51Fuck you, Furt.
00:52:52That was fucking
00:52:53his idea, man.
00:52:54He's just sucking
00:52:55your dick
00:52:55so you can help
00:52:56his shitty fucking career.
00:52:57Take them, okay?
00:52:58Shit, I'll take them
00:52:59out for you right now.
00:52:59Oh, really?
00:53:00Yeah, you want to
00:53:00take me, bitch?
00:53:01I'm fucking yoked.
00:53:02Shut up, Furt.
00:53:03Okay, Furt.
00:53:03You're making this worse.
00:53:04Everybody, stop!
00:53:06We really should
00:53:07round up Michael Cera.
00:53:11Hold on.
00:53:12Sorry, quick question.
00:53:14What?
00:53:15Oh, for fuck's sake.
00:53:23Who's memorable now?
00:53:24What the fuck?
00:53:25Easy, easy, easy.
00:53:26Can we fuck off, please?
00:53:27Sure, MacGruber,
00:53:28everything is cool.
00:53:29Hey, man,
00:53:29we don't have a problem
00:53:30with you, honest.
00:53:31But, but, but, but,
00:53:32fuck this fucking guy.
00:53:33You know, he fucked my life.
00:53:35If you help us get rid of him,
00:53:36then we all win.
00:53:37And you,
00:53:38you can have the seven.
00:53:40And I don't even, like,
00:53:41really care if you bring me back
00:53:42or whatever.
00:53:42I don't need to kill him
00:53:43to get the seven.
00:53:44No, yeah, of course not.
00:53:45But what about all that creepy shit
00:53:46he's doing with that church?
00:53:47I mean,
00:53:47they're rounding up
00:53:48everybody cool.
00:53:49All the hookers,
00:53:50the drug dealers.
00:53:51They want to ban porn.
00:53:52I mean,
00:53:53they want to ban fucking abortions.
00:53:55Okay, well,
00:53:56banning abortion
00:53:56would be a big problem
00:53:57for me personally.
00:53:58Exactly, for all of us.
00:54:00So, so,
00:54:00if we kill him,
00:54:01we can stop worrying
00:54:02about being cops
00:54:03or, or, or gods
00:54:04or, or asexual weirdos.
00:54:06You know,
00:54:06we can go back to fucking
00:54:07and, and being fucking awesome.
00:54:10Look,
00:54:10we know you've got
00:54:11that fucked up chest blast thing.
00:54:13I mean,
00:54:13I was at Herogasm.
00:54:14I saw it.
00:54:15Just finish him now.
00:54:16Take away his powers.
00:54:17So we can curb stomp him
00:54:18while we have the chance.
00:54:27He is a fucking
00:54:28asexual weirdo.
00:54:29Yeah, yeah.
00:54:31But as much as it pains me
00:54:33to say this,
00:54:34he's my fucking
00:54:36asexual weirdo.
00:54:41Nobody fucks my son
00:54:42but me.
00:54:43What?
00:54:44That came out wrong.
00:54:46No!
00:54:50Oh!
00:54:51Oh!
00:54:51Oh!
00:54:57Oh, fuck!
00:55:01Oh!
00:55:03Oh!
00:55:08Oh!
00:55:08I don't need to stick to acting on top of those. Fuck my shit up.
00:55:13Soldier boy!
00:55:17911, what's your emergency?
00:55:19Yeah, please send police right now.
00:55:20I don't know the address. Do you know the address?
00:55:23I don't know the address.
00:55:24Oh, fuck. Fuck.
00:55:25Shut up. Shut up. I'm not gonna kill you.
00:55:28I'm gonna get you out of here, but you need to do exactly as I say.
00:55:37Go. Go.
00:55:43Fuck!
00:55:54No! No!
00:56:03What'd you do to me, man?
00:56:05You said it.
00:56:07Fuck!
00:56:08Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:56:09Is it bad?
00:56:11Well, uh, I didn't mean to.
00:56:13I don't want to die, man.
00:56:15It's gonna be okay.
00:56:17I'll remember you every time I watch An American Pickle.
00:56:21What?
00:56:22Fuck.
00:56:24Fuck.
00:56:26Fuck.
00:56:31Fuck.
00:56:33Fuck.
00:56:35Fuck.
00:56:46Fuck.
00:56:48Fuck.
00:56:50Fuck.
00:56:51Fuck.
00:56:51Fuck.
00:56:52Fuck.
00:57:05Does Bombsite really have it?
00:57:07Fuck you!
00:57:08I'm gonna rip your balls off and stuff them down your throat.
00:57:11That'd be like trying to shove two grapefruits through a garden hose.
00:57:15Does Bombsite have the V1s?
00:57:19Oh, God!
00:57:21Yes, yes, okay, yes, that part was true, I swear to fucking God, man.
00:57:24He's got it.
00:57:25Where is he?
00:57:26I don't know.
00:57:26Where the fuck is he?
00:57:27I don't know.
00:57:28I haven't talked to him in like five years, I swear, man.
00:57:29I swear to God.
00:57:30Please.
00:57:44What happened?
00:57:46I took care of it.
00:57:50Why?
00:57:52Because fuck them.
00:57:55That's why.
00:57:57I don't think this micro prick was lying.
00:58:00Bombsite has the V1.
00:58:01You just gotta find him.
00:58:05Also, um...
00:58:08I've been fucking firecracker.
00:58:11But...
00:58:12Out of respect for you, that's, uh...
00:58:15That's done.
00:58:18Plus, her pillow talk was...
00:58:21Getting to be a real drag.
00:58:24Pillow talk?
00:58:56Oh, Lander.
00:59:00How was L.A.?
00:59:03Did you catch Annette's truth bomb?
00:59:06I did, indeed.
00:59:07And it was a real barn burner.
00:59:10Well done.
00:59:10Thank you, sir.
00:59:12That means the world.
00:59:14How's sex with my father?
00:59:19Is he good at it?
00:59:21Are you thinking about me...
00:59:24When you're making love to him?
00:59:28I never meant to cross a line or offend you.
00:59:32Oh, no.
00:59:32No, no, no, no.
00:59:33Don't fret, little one.
00:59:34I don't care about the sex.
00:59:36Really.
00:59:38But I do care about your little chats after sex.
00:59:41Sir, whatever soldier boy told you, I can assure you that I...
00:59:44You mean, uh, your inner turmoil?
00:59:47When it comes to me and, uh...
00:59:52Jesus.
00:59:53Are you thinking of Jesus when you're praising me?
00:59:56No, you are my one and only savior.
01:00:00You say that, but your jagged little heart is whirring like a hummingbird.
01:00:09You're supposed to worship me.
01:00:12Love me.
01:00:13And me alone.
01:00:15I do.
01:00:16I believed in you.
01:00:18Turns out...
01:00:20You don't believe in me.
01:00:25I need you to collect your things.
01:00:28And leave.
01:00:31But I do believe in you.
01:00:33I love you.
01:00:35I am the only one here who ever has.
01:00:39I gave you everything.
01:00:41I gave you my soul.
01:00:43And everybody else here, they're just...
01:00:45They're just scared of you.
01:00:47Or they want something from you.
01:00:49But I have always loved you for you.
01:00:54Just the strongest.
01:00:57Smartest.
01:00:58Best man on earth.
01:01:00Hmm.
01:01:01Man.
01:01:02No, no, no, no, no, no.
01:01:03God, no.
01:01:04No, no.
01:01:04The...
01:01:05God.
01:01:07My Lord.
01:01:08That look you used to get when you'd suck on me.
01:01:12I felt like Mother Mary herself.
01:01:15I felt blessed.
01:01:17To nourish someone as important as you.
01:01:26But nothing I ever did was good enough, was it?
01:01:29You cast me out into the cold.
01:01:32Which was so much worse than never feeling your warmth in the first place.
01:01:37So all I have been trying to do is to get you to see me the way that you used
01:01:42to.
01:01:44Hell, the only reason I was with Soulja Boy was because your reflected light
01:01:50is better than no light at all.
01:01:53Please, sir.
01:01:56I love you.
01:01:58We all need love, don't we?
01:02:00Yeah.
01:02:03Even God.
01:02:28I love you.
01:02:46Hooray for Hollywood, that screwy ballyhooey Hollywood, where any office for your young mechanic
01:02:55can be a panic with just a good-looking pantin'.
01:03:00And any barmaid can be a star maid if she dances with or without a fan.
01:03:07Hooray for Hollywood, where you're terrific if you're even good.
01:03:11Where anyone at all from Shirley Temple to Amy Semple is equally understood.
01:03:19Go out and try your luck, you might be Donald Duck.
01:03:23Hooray for Hollywood.
01:03:25Go out and try your luck.
01:04:03Hooray for Hollywood
01:04:04That phony super coney Hollywood
01:04:08They come from Chillicotties and Paducas
01:04:11With their bazookas
01:04:13To get their names up in lights
01:04:15All armed with photos from local rotos
01:04:19With their hair and ribbon and legs and tights
01:04:22Hooray for Hollywood
01:04:23You may be homely in your neighborhood
01:04:27But if you think that you can be an actor
01:04:30See Mr. Factor
01:04:32He'll make a monkey look good
01:04:34Within a half an hour
01:04:36You'll look like Tyrone Bauer
01:04:39Hooray for Hollywood
01:04:46Hooray for Hollywood
01:04:49Hooray for Hollywood
01:04:49Hooray for Hollywood
01:04:49Hooray for Hollywood
01:04:50Hooray for Hollywood
01:04:50Hooray for Hollywood
01:04:52Hooray for Hollywood
01:04:57Hooray for Hollywood
01:05:00Hooray for Hollywood
01:05:02Hooray for Hollywood
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