- 2 days ago
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00:00:01We must have more men, Hardy. More men. When you get back, tell them. Tell them we need
00:00:12more men. We need a bigger navy. They must have more recruits.
00:00:20You mustn't talk so much, sir. You must save your strength.
00:00:24I know. Kiss me, Hardy. I beg your pardon, sir?
00:00:35Kiss me, Hardy. Are you mad? What will they say at the Admiralty, sir?
00:00:42They'll only be jealous. I don't know. You're very weak, sir. May not be good for you.
00:00:59I told you so.
00:01:05It is usual for a cadet to spend a year at the Naval Academy before qualifying and passing
00:01:11out. But you seem to be a somewhat exceptional case, having taken, let me see here.
00:01:18Eight and a half years, sir. Exactly. Albert Decker, eight and a half years.
00:01:24The name is Poop, Decker, sir. I have a hyphen. According to this report, you have more than
00:01:29that. But as we happen to be short of men, we can't afford to be fussy.
00:01:33No, sir. I'm sure I shall pass out all right next year, sir.
00:01:37I admire your confidence, Decker. But unfortunately, England cannot wait that long. While we're at
00:01:44war with Spain, we need every able-bodied man we can get. I use the term able-bodied loosely,
00:01:50of course. In your case, we've decided to forego the usual formalities of passing out
00:01:56and present you with your midshipman's sword immediately.
00:02:02Oh, thank you, sir.
00:02:04And thank you.
00:02:06Put it on.
00:02:09Put it on!
00:02:14You will proceed to Plymouth and join His Majesty's Frigate Venus.
00:02:19Aye, aye, sir.
00:02:20And please remember, Mr. Poop Decker, that you are a member of His Majesty's Navy and try
00:02:27and act accordingly.
00:02:28Don't worry, sir. You can depend on me.
00:02:31That is what I am afraid of.
00:02:53Come on, hurry up, Captain. Blood of the war will be over.
00:02:56You're not careful. I'll start another one.
00:02:58I wouldn't put that past you.
00:02:59You, insolent dog. Get my bag down.
00:03:06You dare.
00:03:19You watch where you're going.
00:03:29Oh, well, they'll never know if I don't pull it out.
00:03:38Take you to the docks, Captain.
00:03:39Oh, yes, thank you.
00:03:40I want the Frigate Venus.
00:03:42If you think he can make it.
00:03:43Don't you worry about young lightning legs here.
00:03:46He'll be all right once we get started.
00:03:47Take your bag.
00:03:48You are.
00:03:50Got this.
00:03:50Great.
00:03:54Hey, up!
00:03:56Ow!
00:03:57Wait!
00:03:58Wait!
00:03:59Stop it!
00:04:00Whoa!
00:04:01Wait a minute!
00:04:02Stop it!
00:04:03Wait a minute!
00:04:05Whoa!
00:04:06Whoa!
00:04:08Whoa!
00:04:08Whoa!
00:04:36There we are, Captain.
00:04:39That'll be just a crown, please.
00:04:41A crown?
00:04:42There's no bottom in that thing.
00:04:43I've run all the way.
00:04:44Ah, well, it's better than walking, isn't it?
00:04:47It's absolute daylight robbery.
00:04:48Thank you, Captain.
00:04:49And there's your ship.
00:04:50Oh, good.
00:04:51Now, what if I can find Captain Fearless?
00:04:53Oh, you won't find nobody aboard her now, Captain.
00:04:55Why not?
00:04:56Well, she sails first thing in the morning, you see.
00:04:58They've all gone ashore.
00:04:59Get a last bit of earth.
00:05:01You know what?
00:05:02You know what?
00:05:02And I know where, too.
00:05:04If I were you, I'd step ashore yourself.
00:05:07You would?
00:05:08Well, I mean, it'll be many a long day before you see a pretty young wench again.
00:05:12Again?
00:05:12But I've never...
00:05:14Well, of course, I wouldn't mind a bit of...
00:05:17You know what?
00:05:18Providing they were nice, well-brought-up young ladies.
00:05:20Oh, don't you worry, Captain.
00:05:22I know the perfect place for a young gentleman of quality like yourself.
00:05:26Oh, good.
00:05:26How do I get there?
00:05:29No, not again.
00:05:30No, no, no, half fair, sir, as you're partly driving, as you might say.
00:05:35You're on.
00:05:36We're going for a bit of...
00:05:38Oh, no, no!
00:05:48Oh, no, no, half fair, sir, as you might say.
00:06:12Oh, no, no, half fair, sir, as you might say.
00:06:13Is that right, Ned?
00:06:14The Venus leaves the Spanish waters tomorrow.
00:06:16That's right, but lovely.
00:06:18What happened?
00:06:19Do you think you could smuggle me aboard?
00:06:21What for?
00:06:22No questions asked.
00:06:24Oh, that's different.
00:06:27Well, what about it?
00:06:29Well, Mary, supposing I did what I get from the trouble.
00:06:35I've got five sovereigns saved up.
00:06:37I don't want your money, but lovely.
00:06:40You know what I want.
00:06:43Well, what's your answer?
00:06:46Oh!
00:06:46What's this?
00:06:49No!
00:06:59Well, thank you, sir, thank you.
00:07:01You needed a rest, poor old basket.
00:07:03Don't mention it.
00:07:04Oh, well, he's passed it, you see, passed it.
00:07:06Must be dreadful carrying this great heavy thing day after day.
00:07:09Well, it's better than walking the streets, isn't it?
00:07:11Well, I'll tell you what, sir, as you weren't inside running in comfort,
00:07:14I'll only charge half, fair and no tip.
00:07:17It's very generous of you, thank you.
00:07:20Where's my bag?
00:07:21Oh, you'll find plenty of them in there, sir.
00:07:23I meant my duffel bag.
00:07:24Oh, my dad's got it, hasn't he?
00:07:27Is he going in there after women?
00:07:29What do you think?
00:07:30Oh, I'll go with him.
00:07:31You will not. You get back in there. Go on, get back.
00:07:33I thought you said he was passed it.
00:07:35Oh, well, here, sir, but his memory isn't...
00:07:40Oh, aren't you coming in with me?
00:07:42Oh, you won't need any help, Captain.
00:07:44Yes, but if these are nice young ladies,
00:07:46I shall need someone to introduce me, won't I?
00:07:48Not exactly.
00:07:49Now, let me see.
00:07:50Have you got a golden sovereign?
00:07:52Yes, I think so.
00:07:53Well, you'll find there's a quaint old custom in these here parts
00:07:56that when a young gentleman of quality like yourself goes caught in,
00:07:59he holds in his hand a golden sovereign.
00:08:01This shows that his intentions are honourable,
00:08:04if you know what I mean.
00:08:06Yes, yes.
00:08:07What a charming custom, isn't it?
00:08:10Well, thank you very much.
00:08:11You've been most helpful.
00:08:17Get in if I were you, they'll be shut.
00:08:42I was told by a man in a seduction.
00:08:47Please, let Puppy down.
00:08:49Please, Puppy down.
00:08:54Oh, I'm sorry.
00:08:55Get out of here.
00:08:57I'm a four-year-old.
00:09:01Come on, darling.
00:09:02You come and see what Peg's got.
00:09:04Please.
00:09:04Come on.
00:09:05Please.
00:09:06Come on.
00:09:07Oh, darling.
00:09:08You'll be far enough, Peg.
00:09:10Let him be.
00:09:10Can't you see he's still wet behind the ears?
00:09:12Oh, we'll soon draw him for him, won't we, darling?
00:09:14No, please.
00:09:15Oh, no, you won't.
00:09:16Leave him alone.
00:09:17Ow!
00:09:17Oh, you ruddy old bitch.
00:09:20Get out of here.
00:09:26The same goes for you.
00:09:27You ought to have had more sense than to come into a place like this,
00:09:29flashing your money around.
00:09:31Well, you see, the man said it was an old custom, you see,
00:09:34and I just came in here to meet, to have a bit of...
00:09:39I know.
00:09:40You men are all alike.
00:09:42Well, I mean, we're supposed to be, aren't we?
00:09:44Now, go on.
00:09:45Get out of here while you're still in one piece.
00:09:47Yes, I think I'd better, actually.
00:09:49We're sailing tomorrow, and I haven't reported a board yet.
00:09:52Wait a minute.
00:09:52Hmm?
00:09:53Are you on the Venus?
00:09:55Yes.
00:09:56I'm the new midshipman.
00:09:58Poopdecker's my name.
00:09:59Albert Poopdecker.
00:10:01And you haven't even reported a board yet?
00:10:03No, I did try earlier, but there was nobody there.
00:10:06Well, I'm certainly glad to have met you, midshipman Poopdecker.
00:10:12Yes.
00:10:13Well, I'm very pleased to have met you also.
00:10:16Well, what's your hurry, darling?
00:10:18Eh?
00:10:19Well, I don't want to go without a little bit of...
00:10:22You know what?
00:10:23That's right.
00:10:25Let's go somewhere nice and quiet, shall we?
00:10:28Ooh.
00:10:31Well, I don't have to carry you up, do I?
00:10:43Come in, Albert.
00:10:59Oh.
00:11:05Oh.
00:11:07What's the matter?
00:11:09i was just remembering before i left home my mother warned me that things like this might
00:11:14happen to me i must write and thank her my mother always told me to be good i hope i
00:11:19am
00:11:20you tell me wouldn't you albert haven't you ever been alone with a girl before
00:11:26no but i i know what to do are you sure well yes well then let's get comfortable shall we
00:11:35of course there that's better what lovely curly hair you've got thank you i get it from
00:11:46my mother actually she got curls all over close your eyes you naughty midshipman
00:11:56i'll tell you when you can open them
00:12:10keep your eyes tightly closed
00:12:19i'm sorry albert
00:12:25i would have been good i promise you
00:12:37it's the first the first gang
00:12:40come back
00:13:03somebody must have warned them
00:13:14evening friend hello you a sailor who me no i'm a suspect cleaner
00:13:23no i wonder why there wasn't anybody else about wouldn't you like to go to sea friend
00:13:31like to go to sea what
00:13:38sign the gentleman on mr angel
00:13:40all right sir
00:13:45can i open them now
00:14:08where are my clothes
00:14:10go
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00:15:22Then what happened?
00:15:23Well, you don't know, sir.
00:15:24Close them again, friend.
00:15:27And let me see if I can help you.
00:15:29Like this, sir?
00:15:30That's right.
00:15:32Now, I wonder what it could have been that happened.
00:15:34Something like this?
00:15:36Yes, that's exactly...
00:15:44Mr. Angel!
00:15:46Come!
00:15:46Get those women ashore!
00:15:50Mr. Angel, bring that cardboard!
00:16:02Get by the clean garnets!
00:16:10Hey, out in the yard, you duck-sized scum!
00:16:15I'll take a rope to injure you!
00:16:18Now, watch your coast damn your eyes!
00:16:20You're all over the Cursed Sea!
00:16:23Relay those ropes!
00:16:25You're fatherless nutheads!
00:16:27Mr. Angel!
00:16:28Come on, get a move out there!
00:16:30Mr. Angel!
00:16:32Aye, aye, Mr. Howard.
00:16:33Move right!
00:16:39Where's the captain?
00:16:40Still in his cabin, I think, sir.
00:16:41Still in his cabin?
00:16:42Well, no one's seen him on deck.
00:16:45I'll find him.
00:16:47Mr. Angel, you break out the new members of the crew.
00:16:51Aye, aye, sir.
00:16:53Peter, hold on by, help, sir!
00:17:01Sir, Captain Fearless!
00:17:07Captain Fearless, sir!
00:17:13Who is it?
00:17:14Why, it's me, Lieutenant Howard, sir!
00:17:21The ship's underway, sir.
00:17:23I was aware of that, Mr. Howard.
00:17:27I've been getting a bit of fresh air, sir.
00:17:30Huh?
00:17:31Oh, no, I was, uh, just shooting the sun.
00:17:36Can I offer you a glass of milk?
00:17:38No, thank you, sir.
00:17:40It's a bit early in the morning for me.
00:17:46There's nothing like it for building you up to them.
00:17:49Rather a brainwave of mine, I thought, getting that cow aboard.
00:17:52With any luck, the crew should be able to have a tot every day.
00:17:56Better for them than all that rum.
00:17:57It should keep them happy, eh?
00:17:59I should imagine they'll be speechless, sir.
00:18:02A happy ship, Mr. Howard.
00:18:04That's the important thing, a happy ship.
00:18:07And speaking of happy ships,
00:18:09we got a couple of new crew members last night.
00:18:12Ah, willing volunteers, I trust?
00:18:15Oh, naturally, sir.
00:18:17Keen and full of enthusiasm, eh?
00:18:19They were carried away, you might say, sir.
00:18:22Splendid.
00:18:23I'll have a word with them later.
00:18:24But where are they now?
00:18:25Oh, I should imagine they're still sleeping, sir.
00:18:28We didn't like to disturb them too early on their first morning.
00:18:32Mr. Angel has just gone down to wake them now.
00:18:36The bastard!
00:18:38Get out of it, you mangy goats!
00:18:40Get moving!
00:18:41What's going on?
00:18:43How dare you treat us like this?
00:18:45Sir, Gavin, get up on deck!
00:18:46What deck?
00:18:47What are you talking about?
00:18:48I knew it, we've been press-ganged.
00:18:49Tell me, sir, we don't like that word around here.
00:18:51Volunteers, that's what you are.
00:18:53Volunteers?
00:18:54You don't seem to realise who you're talking to, my man.
00:18:56You've made a very great mistake this time.
00:18:58You just wait till the captain hears about the...
00:19:00Don't get going!
00:19:01Don't get going!
00:19:07Whoa!
00:19:09And whose little doxy are you, then?
00:19:11What are you doing tonight, dearie?
00:19:13I didn't want to see the captain at once!
00:19:15Who's asking to see the captain?
00:19:17What's in?
00:19:18Ah!
00:19:19There's been a terrible mistake.
00:19:21And there's likely to be a few more terrible mistakes if you don't get that dress off pretty
00:19:25quick!
00:19:27Fight down and get on with your work, you dogs!
00:19:30You're a way to talk to him, mister.
00:19:31You insolent upstarts!
00:19:33Well done, mister.
00:19:35If you don't mind, I'm running things here.
00:19:37Yes, and you're running them pretty well, if I may say so, sir.
00:19:40Now, don't you worry.
00:19:40I see that no blame attaches to you when I have to report this little misunderstanding.
00:19:45I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear that, mister.
00:19:49Not at all, sir.
00:19:50Fellowship of the sea, you know, and all that.
00:19:52Now, if you'll just take me back to port, sir, I'll join my ship.
00:19:54Fight down!
00:19:56You'll get back to port, all right!
00:19:58Oh, good.
00:19:59In a year's time!
00:20:01A year!
00:20:02Oh, no!
00:20:04I've got a wife and nine kids!
00:20:06Well, in that case, the rest will do you both good.
00:20:09Now, listen to me, the both of you!
00:20:11You are now serving as ordinary seaman aboard His Majesty's frigate Venus bound for distant
00:20:17parts as yet unknown!
00:20:19Excuse me, did you say Venus?
00:20:22Yes, Venus.
00:20:25Well, that's all right, then.
00:20:26I've got nothing to worry about.
00:20:27You won't think that what I've done with you, mister.
00:20:30But don't you see, sir, this is the ship I was supposed to join.
00:20:33I'm a midshipman.
00:20:36Oh, yes.
00:20:38You're a midshipman, I am.
00:20:39That's right.
00:20:39Midshipman Poopdecker.
00:20:41That's very interesting.
00:20:43Would you tell me something else, friend?
00:20:45Well, of course, sir.
00:20:46Anything at all for you, sir.
00:20:49Who is that up there, then?
00:20:52Oh, yes.
00:20:53Let me see now, uh, um, I don't know.
00:20:58Is it Nelson?
00:20:59No, he's got too many arms.
00:21:02It is Nelson, he's got too many arms.
00:21:04I think you'll have to tell me, sir.
00:21:05Who is it?
00:21:06Midshipman Albert Poopdecker, RN.
00:21:09Is it really?
00:21:10Do you know, I'd never believe you'd get two people...
00:21:13Just a minute, that's impossible.
00:21:15I mean, I'm a midshipman Poopdecker.
00:21:17I've got papers to prove it.
00:21:19The devil sees me!
00:21:21I'm going to make you wish that you were never born.
00:21:23I'm going to make you wish that you never joined this ship.
00:21:25I'm going to run you ragged.
00:21:27Before I finish with you, you'll be screaming for your mother!
00:21:32Mother!
00:21:32What's going on, Mr. Hurrett?
00:21:35Oh, just welcoming the volunteers aboard, sir.
00:21:38Excellent.
00:21:38That's what I like to see, kindness and consideration.
00:21:41What is your name, good fellow?
00:21:44Sweetsley, sir.
00:21:45Walter Sweetsley.
00:21:47What a very pleasant name.
00:21:48And what was your previous trade?
00:21:50A cesspit cleaner, sir.
00:21:52Oh, it's a very pleasant name.
00:21:54And yours, good fellow?
00:21:56It's just what I was trying to explain, sir.
00:21:57It's Poopdecker.
00:21:58Albert Poopdecker.
00:22:00Oh, yes.
00:22:00Well, that doesn't seem very difficult to explain, does it?
00:22:02Why is he wearing a woman's dress, Mr. Hyde?
00:22:04There are a very funny lot in Plymouth nowadays, sir.
00:22:07Oh, yes.
00:22:08Well, I see what you mean.
00:22:09Pakes all sorts, I suppose.
00:22:11What was your trade?
00:22:12I was trying to explain, sir.
00:22:14I'm a midshipman.
00:22:16Well, you're certainly a mid-something.
00:22:18Hey, Mr. Hurrett?
00:22:21No, before you came to see.
00:22:24Well, my father's a farmer, sir.
00:22:25A farmer?
00:22:27Excellent.
00:22:28Just what we were looking for, Mr. Hurrett.
00:22:29My boy, you can look after my old cow.
00:22:32Sir?
00:22:33I'm a midshipman, not a lady's maid?
00:22:39Get him out!
00:22:44But, listen, I haven't done anything.
00:22:45You're in for it now, mate.
00:22:46I wouldn't be in your shoes for a king's ransom.
00:22:48Well, if only you'd tell me what I've done!
00:22:49Get in here!
00:22:50These are my answers!
00:22:51Shut up!
00:22:51Tell me what I've done!
00:22:52Ow!
00:22:53Ow!
00:22:54I tell you, sir, you've got to make an example of this wretch.
00:22:58Trying to pass himself off as a midshipman is bad enough.
00:23:01But to ridicule a member of your family in front of the crew like that!
00:23:04Oh, I don't know, Mr. Hurrett.
00:23:07It was quite an understandable mistake, really.
00:23:09You don't know this man, sir.
00:23:12You don't know my wife.
00:23:13Your wife's irrelevant, sir.
00:23:14Oh, you've noticed that, have you?
00:23:16No, what I mean is that she has nothing to do with the matter in hand.
00:23:20I mean...
00:23:21Well, damn it, sir!
00:23:23He's guilty of insolence and insubordination!
00:23:25Yes, I suppose you're right.
00:23:26Well, what have you to say for yourself?
00:23:28Only, sir, that I spoke truly.
00:23:29I am Albert Poopdecker, RN.
00:23:31You see, sir?
00:23:33A hopeless liar!
00:23:34I'm afraid I agree with Mr. Hurrett.
00:23:36I flatter myself I'm a just and intelligent man, but look at you.
00:23:40You don't even look like midshipman Poopdecker.
00:23:42How would you know what he looks like, sir?
00:23:44How do I know?
00:23:44I can see him.
00:23:46Look for yourself.
00:23:47You don't look anything like him.
00:23:48You might just as well say that he doesn't look anything like me.
00:23:51Quite.
00:23:51I'm glad we agree.
00:23:52Look at that fine, manly chest on him.
00:23:54Don't be ashamed, Poopdecker.
00:23:56Not every young lad has one like that, you know.
00:23:59All right you are, sir.
00:24:01The point I was trying to make, sir, is just because he came aboard first and said he was
00:24:05Poopdecker doesn't mean that he is, sir.
00:24:06I might just as well say that I'm Captain Fearless.
00:24:09Ah, so we're getting to the truth at last, are we?
00:24:12You're Captain Fearless, are you?
00:24:14Then why did you come...
00:24:15Wait a minute.
00:24:16I'm Captain Fearless?
00:24:18Of course you are.
00:24:19This is ridiculous, sir!
00:24:22If you're Poopdecker, prove it or pipe down!
00:24:26I know how I can prove it.
00:24:27And my mum will back me up in this.
00:24:30Albert Poopdecker's got a mole on his...
00:24:32On his...
00:24:33On his what?
00:24:34Oh, it's just on his, sir.
00:24:36Oh, is he?
00:24:37Well, have you got a mole on yours?
00:24:39On my what, sir?
00:24:40Yeah, it's on your what, sir?
00:24:41No, sir.
00:24:42Ah.
00:24:43Ah, well, I have.
00:24:44And I can prove it!
00:24:46I'll prove it.
00:24:49Please, sir.
00:24:50That won't be necessary.
00:24:52Ah-ha, see?
00:24:53Because if he has a mole on his what, sir, then he must be an imposter, because Albert Poopdecker has
00:24:58no mole on his what, sir.
00:24:59This is preposterous, sir!
00:25:01This wretch is making a laughingstock out of all of us!
00:25:04He is guilty of incident and insubordination, and he shall be punished severely.
00:25:09If I were you, sir, I'd throw the book at him.
00:25:10Ah.
00:25:11Well, I don't exactly approve of brutality, but, uh...
00:25:16Well, I hope that will be a lesson to you.
00:25:18No, no, sir.
00:25:19As First Officer, I demand that he should be punished as severely as is laid down in the Articles of
00:25:24War.
00:25:24You mean you want me to punish him more?
00:25:26A taste of the cat, sir.
00:25:29Eeeeee!
00:25:32Oh, you mean that cat?
00:25:35Yes.
00:25:36You don't think that's a little severe?
00:25:39For him?
00:25:40Never.
00:25:42Very well, then.
00:25:43You've asked for it.
00:25:45Oh.
00:25:46Will it hurt?
00:26:00How many?
00:26:01Three.
00:26:02Oh, good.
00:26:04Dozen.
00:26:05Three dozen?
00:26:06Don't worry, you won't feel anything after the first dozen.
00:26:09Why not?
00:26:09You'll be dead.
00:26:11You're welcome.
00:26:12I don't like this.
00:26:13I don't like it at all.
00:26:14It'll do him good, sir.
00:26:16He'll be a new man after it.
00:26:17How do you know he wants to be?
00:26:19I still say it's an outdated form of punishment.
00:26:21Prisoner seized up, sir.
00:26:24All men are assembled to witness punishment, sir.
00:26:26Well, you don't think we should change our minds?
00:26:30Give in now, sir, and you're lost.
00:26:31Am I?
00:26:32Oh, well, in that case, Mr. Harrod.
00:26:34Carry on.
00:26:37Proceed with the punishment, Mr. Angel.
00:26:40Aye, aye, sir.
00:26:46Am I allowed a last request?
00:26:49Prisoner request permission to make a last request, sir.
00:26:51What is it?
00:26:52Well, what do you want?
00:26:54I keep my vest on.
00:26:57Can he keep his vest on?
00:26:59Oh, yes.
00:27:00Rather, there is a bit of a nip in the air.
00:27:02We don't want him to catch cold.
00:27:03In fact, it might be a good idea to wait for a better day.
00:27:06A mission granted.
00:27:08Now, for heaven's sake, proceed with the punishment, Mr. Boson.
00:27:12Aye, aye, sir.
00:27:33Captain.
00:27:34Sir.
00:27:35Captain.
00:27:36Mr. My tripes, you'll have to go.
00:27:40Proceed with the punishment, Mr. Boson.
00:27:49I hate you.
00:27:58Please.
00:27:59What the devil are you up to, Mr. Angel?
00:28:03This isn't a knitting competition.
00:28:09Captain said I could keep my vest on.
00:28:11If I ever get out of this vest, I'll wrap this chain around your neck.
00:28:22Here you are, Albert.
00:28:24Now, this is going to make you feel a lot better.
00:28:26Ah!
00:28:27Stop it!
00:28:28It's agony!
00:28:29Oh!
00:28:30What is it?
00:28:31Well, the cook said, if you rub salt in an open wound, it makes the wound heal.
00:28:35Oh, Miss...
00:28:38That's funny-looking salt.
00:28:40No!
00:28:41It's not funny-looking salt.
00:28:42It's funny-looking pepper.
00:28:44Because he hadn't got any funny-looking salt.
00:28:46What are you trying to do, kill me?
00:28:49Albert.
00:28:50You know very well I wouldn't want to do that.
00:28:53You're my mate.
00:28:54We're friends in misfortune.
00:28:55Well, my misfortune is having a friend like you.
00:29:01Oh, I'm sorry.
00:29:03I didn't mean it.
00:29:04I know you're only trying to help, Walter.
00:29:06Walter.
00:29:10That's better.
00:29:12More like my old mate.
00:29:13Oh!
00:29:15I'm sorry.
00:29:16I forgot.
00:29:18Look, if you can't do better than that, just get out of here, will you?
00:29:22Oh!
00:29:25I need a little salt.
00:29:38Oh!
00:29:39Oh!
00:29:41Oh, that's much better, Walter.
00:29:44Yes, it's very soothing.
00:29:46I'm terribly sorry about all this.
00:29:49That's all right.
00:29:50It's not your fault.
00:29:52It's a dirty, sneaking so-and-so pinch my uniform and my name.
00:29:57It's you!
00:29:58Don't shoot me and get your filthy, great, treacherous hooks off me and I'll...
00:30:02Oh, please, let me explain.
00:30:04You'll explain, all right.
00:30:05Until I've trapped it.
00:30:07Impersonating an officer.
00:30:08I suppose you know you can get hung for that.
00:30:09And how'd you get hung to my uniform, for a start?
00:30:12Don't you remember?
00:30:13I'm Sally from Dirty Dicks.
00:30:17You're that girl who took me upstairs.
00:30:20I'm terribly sorry, but I had to do it.
00:30:22I was desperate.
00:30:24You see, I had to get to Spain somehow.
00:30:26What for?
00:30:27To find my Roger.
00:30:28Your Roger?
00:30:29My childhood sweetheart.
00:30:30He used to lodge with us.
00:30:31Oh, yes, I've heard of that gentleman.
00:30:33Four years ago, he was press-ganged onto a ship which was taken by the Spanish, and I'm determined
00:30:38to find him if he's still alive.
00:30:40I know it's asking a terrible lot, but will you keep my secret?
00:30:45Just until we get near enough to the Spanish coast for me to get away, please?
00:30:49Well, it's all very well, but I worked jolly hard to become a midshipman.
00:30:52But if you expose me now, they'll send me back to England, and I shall kill myself.
00:30:57All right, I'll keep your secret.
00:31:00Oh, thank you.
00:31:03You're wonderful.
00:31:17Oh, my aching back.
00:31:23That won't be all the taking if you don't get off that bunk and get to work.
00:31:29Yes, sir.
00:31:32Mr. Angel, I want you to try and make a seaman out of this house here.
00:31:37I don't care how long it takes or how you do it, but he's going to be a seaman if
00:31:41it kills him.
00:31:50Come on, get me all the rot your guts.
00:31:53What are you waiting for, Christmas?
00:32:00I want you in that crow's nest.
00:32:02Do you hear, you crawling weevil?
00:32:04I know what you want.
00:32:06You want me in the crow's nest.
00:32:12Now, get in there!
00:32:18I'll put your bats into it, you drag-tailed jellyfish, you!
00:32:22Forward, back, forward, back, forward, back.
00:32:26Forward, back, forward, back.
00:32:30Heave two, that's enough.
00:32:31Let's have a look at it.
00:32:38Have you got it now?
00:32:40Just swing the lead twice and then heave it.
00:32:42Right, try it then.
00:32:46All right, heave it!
00:32:51Don't be sorry, it slipped.
00:32:54All right.
00:32:55Now let's try it once more.
00:32:57And this time, keep a firm hold of the end.
00:33:06All right, heave it!
00:33:08Right!
00:33:13Head over, bud!
00:33:17Pack-handed, blundering bilge rats.
00:33:20We could have been sunk a dozen times while you've been loading that.
00:33:23All right, let's try it again.
00:33:25And this time, move!
00:33:26Charge!
00:33:29Harder!
00:33:32Move!
00:33:35Run it down hard!
00:33:39Compel a fire!
00:33:42Harder!
00:33:45Fire!
00:33:47Get that run-rold out!
00:33:49Fire!
00:34:01Fire!
00:34:18you're looking for something lad oh yes sir where's the bathroom
00:34:24we don't have conveniences of that sort aboard an old scow like this man
00:34:29we go over the side you don't mean you've been waiting ever since we sailed I want
00:34:33to have a bath it's a very serious business indeed taking a bath good enough
00:34:52to tell me where it is sir yes of course but you mustn't fill it yourself that's
00:34:56not no I'll have mr. Angel get it ready for you right away mr. poop decker thank
00:35:03you sir I'll be in my cabin
00:35:10where's the bathroom
00:35:21yes who is it Angel sir just wanted to tell you your bath is ready for yourself
00:35:25oh thank you mr. Angel just a moment
00:35:43thank you I show you where the bathroom is sir
00:35:49in here sir thank you mr. Angel that will be all you wouldn't like me to scrub you back
00:35:55for you sir no thank you I can manage here he is mateys the water baby I hope he hasn't
00:36:16forgot the powder for his little you-know-what
00:36:31what do you men think you're doing get back to your duties immediately
00:36:37what's the trouble mr. poop decker isn't the bath to your liking I'm sorry we couldn't get you a rubber
00:36:43duck
00:36:47I prefer to bath in private I'm awfully sorry that there are so many people about but unfortunately you've chosen
00:36:55the time of the men's recreation period but I'm sure that won't worry you now after all sir you haven't
00:37:01got anything we haven't got
00:37:06what are you waiting for mr. poop decker I've changed my mind oh no no we can't allow that not
00:37:16after all the trouble we've been to help him off with his clothes lad
00:37:31you
00:37:34I'm
00:37:34you
00:37:35you
00:37:43on your feet
00:37:44what the captain wants to see you
00:37:46come on
00:37:47Get moving!
00:37:48Please!
00:37:49I've got to pick up my ball and chase!
00:37:51Bring that high up here!
00:37:52Get moving!
00:37:54Get up!
00:37:56Get up!
00:37:57Get up!
00:37:59Get up!
00:37:59Get up!
00:38:00Get up!
00:38:03Mr. Pridmacher, how are you?
00:38:05Terrible, sir.
00:38:05Awful!
00:38:06I'm not surprised after what you did.
00:38:08Now, don't play with me!
00:38:11Keel haul me!
00:38:12String me up from the highest yard arm.
00:38:14Draw and quarter me.
00:38:15Stole what's left in canvas and chuck me over the side.
00:38:18Don't be silly.
00:38:19That won't make you feel any better.
00:38:21What are you going to do with me, then?
00:38:22Nothing.
00:38:23Nothing?
00:38:24No.
00:38:25Mr. Dick Pooper here, Doc Pepper, has just told us the whole thing was an accident.
00:38:30You did?
00:38:32Oh, thank you.
00:38:33That's all right.
00:38:34I couldn't...
00:38:35I only did it in the interests of justice, sir.
00:38:38Smart young Laird, this.
00:38:40We could do with more of his kind in the Navy.
00:38:42Am I to understand that you're pardoning this man, sir?
00:38:46Of course.
00:38:47And I suggest that we all forget the entire incident.
00:38:50Agreed?
00:38:51Agreed.
00:38:52And we're all friends again, eh?
00:38:55Oh, come on, Mr. Howard.
00:38:57Smile.
00:38:58Be a sport.
00:39:01Now shake hands on it, eh?
00:39:08Damn your eyes!
00:39:10It's an accident!
00:39:11Accident!
00:39:12Accident, sir.
00:39:12You saw it, sir.
00:39:13Absolute accident.
00:39:15Slip, sir.
00:39:19All right, all right!
00:39:21I don't like the way things are any more than you do.
00:39:23But there's nothing we can do about it.
00:39:25So get back to work, or I'll flay the horrors off the lot of you.
00:39:33Well, Mr. Angel?
00:39:34The lads are getting pretty restless, sir.
00:39:37I don't blame them.
00:39:39Three months at sea and not a sight or a smell of the enemy.
00:39:42We're not likely to get one right out here, sir.
00:39:44We're right off the regular shipping routes.
00:39:45Ah, stab me, fighters.
00:39:47I don't know.
00:39:48I've never sailed under a captain like this one before.
00:39:51If he's got a heart of oak, it's got the worm in it.
00:39:56Where away?
00:39:57Mr. Burke!
00:40:06Ah, there she is.
00:40:09And she's a Spaniard.
00:40:10Beat the quarters, Mr. Angel.
00:40:12Aye, aye, sir.
00:40:13Hands to battle stations!
00:40:20Stand by to alter course.
00:40:22Aye, aye, sir.
00:40:23Main top, better left!
00:40:24Main top?
00:40:25That's us, Walter!
00:40:26Come on!
00:40:27Come on!
00:40:36What's going on? What's happening?
00:40:38What's all this jigging in the rigging?
00:40:40Spaniard!
00:40:40The power!
00:40:41What's going on, Mr. Howard?
00:40:42We've sighted a Spaniard, sir.
00:40:43What? Where?
00:40:46Oh, she's much too small for us to bother with.
00:40:49We don't.
00:40:50Oh, thank you.
00:40:53Are you sure she's a Spaniard?
00:40:55Yes, sir.
00:40:55We're cleared for action and waiting for your order.
00:40:59Well, ah, yes.
00:41:00Ah, I think we'd better have full sail, Mr. Howard.
00:41:03Wouldn't you say so, Decker?
00:41:04Definitely, sir.
00:41:05Full sail, sir?
00:41:07Full sail, Mr. Howard.
00:41:10Aye, aye, sir.
00:41:12Full sail, Mr. Angel.
00:41:14Aye, aye, sir.
00:41:16Aye, aye, Mr. Yalada, Malachalansals.
00:41:22What did he say?
00:41:23Why don't you listen?
00:41:24He said,
00:41:25Aye, aye, Mr. Yalada, Malachalansals.
00:41:27Oh.
00:41:30Here.
00:41:31What does it mean?
00:41:32Well, roughly speaking, it means if the sails are up, you take them down.
00:41:35And if they're down, you stick them...
00:41:38Stick them up.
00:41:38All sails are set, sir.
00:41:40Ah, right.
00:41:41Now, she's going...
00:41:42That way, sir.
00:41:44Ah, right.
00:41:45Then we'll go that way.
00:41:47Do you mean that we're running away from her, sir?
00:41:49Running away?
00:41:50Certainly not, Mr. Howard.
00:41:52We are making a strategic withdrawal, aren't we, Decker?
00:41:54We certainly are, sir.
00:41:55With all due respect, sir, I'd like to remind you of our orders.
00:41:58To patrol, seek out the enemy and destroy him.
00:42:01Ah, but I've had other orders, mister.
00:42:02You see?
00:42:03Long sea voyage, blah, blah, no worries, blah, blah, blah, no excitement.
00:42:08These are Admiralty orders, sir?
00:42:10Oh, no.
00:42:11Doctor's orders.
00:42:12But he was most firm about the no excitement bit.
00:42:15But, sir, the Venus has never run away from action before.
00:42:19We're all very proud of her magnificent record of victories and the gallant men who fought with her.
00:42:24I mean, look, sir, that plate on the deck.
00:42:27That's where her last captain fell.
00:42:29I'm not surprised.
00:42:30I nearly tripped over the wretched thing myself.
00:42:32Now, if you'll kindly set the new course, Mr. Howard.
00:42:34East, south-east, I think.
00:42:35Wouldn't you say so, Decker?
00:42:37East, south-east, I'd say, sir.
00:42:39Aye, aye, sir.
00:42:42Steer on east, south-east!
00:42:44Thank you, Mr. Howard. Carry on.
00:42:46Come, Decker.
00:42:49What goes on between those two?
00:42:51You'll have to go.
00:42:53Which one?
00:42:53Both of them.
00:42:55Do you know what you're saying, Mr. Angel?
00:42:58Aye, and so do you.
00:42:59If you were to take over command, the lads would follow you to hell and back.
00:43:01Watch your tongue, mister.
00:43:03I'll have no talk of mutiny on board this ship.
00:43:05Yes, sir, don't you worry.
00:43:06I've no desire to swing from a yard on.
00:43:09I was just thinking, though, if the captain were to leave of his own free will, in a manner of
00:43:12speaking.
00:43:16And who do you think is gonna make him do that?
00:43:19I think I know the very man, sir.
00:43:31See anything, lad?
00:43:32No, sir.
00:43:33It's very dark, sir.
00:43:34Yes, I know.
00:43:36Keep a sharp lookout, though.
00:43:37Aye, aye, sir.
00:43:38These are dangerous waters.
00:43:39Anything can happen.
00:43:41We don't want to be surprised.
00:43:43Don't worry, sir.
00:43:44You can depend on me, sir.
00:43:47Good lad.
00:43:49Thank you, sir.
00:43:55You got the boat down, mister?
00:43:56Aye, sir.
00:43:57And everything in it as ordered.
00:44:01Good lad.
00:44:04Don't do that.
00:44:06Well, what are you doing up here?
00:44:07Couldn't you sleep?
00:44:09I'm on lookout.
00:44:11You?
00:44:12Well, what's so strange about that?
00:44:14Mr. Howard said he wanted a man with a keen eye and a quick, intelligent mind.
00:44:18Oh, I see.
00:44:20And you're looking out for him?
00:44:21Yes.
00:44:23No, I am him.
00:44:25These are very dangerous waters.
00:44:27Anything can happen here.
00:44:29Like what?
00:44:29Look, it's dark night, Walter.
00:44:31Yeah.
00:44:31The enemy boat creeps alongside.
00:44:34It crawls up the anchor chain.
00:44:36He starts to creep towards the watch.
00:44:38And the next thing you hear is...
00:44:40Eww!
00:44:41It's exactly like that.
00:44:42That was very good.
00:44:43How do you do that without moving your lips?
00:44:45Do what?
00:44:46Well, that noise.
00:44:47That...
00:44:49That wasn't me.
00:44:50That came from back there.
00:44:55Sounding just like someone being throttled.
00:44:56Eh?
00:44:57Yes.
00:44:58Hello?
00:45:00Who is it?
00:45:01Who's there?
00:45:03Yoo-hoo!
00:45:05There's no use hiding.
00:45:07Where are you?
00:45:12Don't do that.
00:45:14What was that?
00:45:18It's Mr. Angel.
00:45:20Are you all right, sir?
00:45:22Mr?
00:45:25There's blood.
00:45:28No.
00:45:29More like red jam.
00:45:31Red jam?
00:45:32Does he look like a man with red jam in his veins?
00:45:39Mr. Howitt?
00:45:45Mr. Howitt?
00:45:50Oh!
00:45:50Oh!
00:45:54It seems to be working, Mr.
00:45:56Aye, sir.
00:45:57But he gave me a nasty moment there when he mentioned jam.
00:45:59I don't care.
00:46:00I'm not wasting real blood on those idiots.
00:46:03He's not here.
00:46:05And where's the helmsman?
00:46:07Oh, shouldn't leave the wheel like that, you know.
00:46:09He must have gone stark steering mad!
00:46:12Stark steering mad!
00:46:15Shut up, you.
00:46:16This is serious.
00:46:17Ah!
00:46:18Whoa!
00:46:20Lie alone, Stephen.
00:46:23Here goes.
00:46:26Ah!
00:46:27Ah!
00:46:30What was that?
00:46:31That was Mr. Howitt!
00:46:35Ah!
00:46:36Howitt!
00:46:37Howitt!
00:46:40Howitt!
00:46:41They took us by surprise!
00:46:44All is lost!
00:46:46It's up to you.
00:46:49Save the captain!
00:46:51Ah!
00:46:52Take boat!
00:46:56Sir, you can depend on me, sir.
00:46:58Did you hear that?
00:46:59No.
00:46:59What?
00:47:00It all is lost!
00:47:03Save the boat!
00:47:05And up the captain!
00:47:06No!
00:47:07Save the captain!
00:47:08Take the boat, you fool!
00:47:09Save the captain!
00:47:10Take the boat, you fool!
00:47:12May I, sir?
00:47:14Please!
00:47:14Yes!
00:47:15Thank you!
00:47:16You get the boat, I'll get the captain.
00:47:18Wait a minute!
00:47:20He never said which boat.
00:47:24Captain!
00:47:26Captain Salas!
00:47:28You all right, sir?
00:47:31It's locked!
00:47:33Am I too late?
00:47:44I'm coming in to get you, sir!
00:47:48It's all right, sir.
00:47:50Sir, it's only me.
00:47:51What was going on?
00:47:53What was that shot?
00:47:53It's not a moment to lose, sir.
00:47:54We've been taken by surprise.
00:47:55All is lost.
00:47:56Up to me.
00:47:57Hit you away in the boat.
00:47:58Come on, sir.
00:47:59It's no good.
00:48:00You'll have to go without me.
00:48:01My foot!
00:48:02Sir, you're not wounded?
00:48:04Yes, a dirty great splinter.
00:48:05I always say we should have carpets in these cabins.
00:48:07Now, you've got to make it, sir.
00:48:08You've got to.
00:48:09All right, I'll try.
00:48:10That's the stuff, sir.
00:48:12You stay here.
00:48:12I'll go ahead and see if the coast is clear.
00:48:14Yes.
00:48:15Oh!
00:48:16Oh!
00:48:16Oh!
00:48:17Oh!
00:48:18Oh!
00:48:18Oh!
00:48:18Oh!
00:48:18Oh!
00:48:18Oh!
00:48:19Oh!
00:48:22Oh!
00:48:37Oh, no!
00:48:38Not again!
00:48:40Oh!
00:48:42What's happening, sir?
00:48:43Oh, I don't know.
00:48:45All you have to do is to go in there and get the captain.
00:48:47How difficult can you make things?
00:48:49If you ask me, he's got even less sense than we bargained for.
00:48:58Oh, who left that there?
00:49:01Where's the boat?
00:49:03Where's the boat?
00:49:09Oh, no, look, everything's all right.
00:49:12They're only dead.
00:49:13Oh, no!
00:49:15Alba!
00:49:16Alba!
00:49:17Oh!
00:49:19Where's the boat?
00:49:20Where's the boat?
00:49:20What's up there?
00:49:21What's the one I'm waiting for?
00:49:22Lower it over the side.
00:49:23I can't.
00:49:23There's another one there in the way.
00:49:25Oh, we'll take that one.
00:49:27Come on, Alba!
00:49:34Wait!
00:49:35Women and children first.
00:49:36But there aren't any women and children.
00:49:38Oh, excellent.
00:49:40Oh, here.
00:49:43Oh, to help him, will you?
00:49:44Oh, yeah, of course.
00:49:44Come on, Alba!
00:49:52Oh!
00:49:53Oh!
00:49:56Oh!
00:49:56Oh!
00:49:56Pull away!
00:49:57Pull away!
00:50:00Pull away!
00:50:01I mean, vitals.
00:50:02I thought they'd never go.
00:50:03Me too, sir.
00:50:04I suppose they'll be all right.
00:50:05It's quite a pull to the mainland.
00:50:06Well, they've got plenty to drink.
00:50:08We saw to that, didn't we, eh?
00:50:10Yes!
00:50:22Well, I didn't put it in.
00:50:24Well, somebody must have done.
00:50:25Cows don't get into boats by themselves.
00:50:27Oh, what does it matter who put it in?
00:50:30At least we'll have something to drink.
00:50:32Exactly.
00:50:33Probably Mr. Harry did as a last-gallon gesture.
00:50:35I just remembered to put that in my report.
00:50:38Saved cow before himself.
00:50:41Sir, don't you think it's time we took stock of our position?
00:50:44Why?
00:50:45Well, it's usual, sir.
00:50:47We haven't got a compass or a chart.
00:50:49No need to worry about that, men.
00:50:51Back on the Venus, I had our position pinpointed exactly.
00:50:54Oh, where were we, sir?
00:50:55If we set a course of east nor east by the sun,
00:50:58we should hit the coast somewhere around Littlehampton.
00:51:02I've always wanted to go there.
00:51:04All that lovely sand.
00:51:05But we haven't got buckets and spades, have we?
00:51:07And I've got none of those little flags we used to stick in.
00:51:10No, no.
00:51:11No hysteria.
00:51:12The great thing is save our strength and not panic.
00:51:14Try not to think that we're all alone on a shark-invested ocean with nothing to eat.
00:51:18Two or three hundred miles from land.
00:51:20And right off the shipping lanes.
00:51:23Help!
00:51:24Help!
00:51:25Somebody save us!
00:51:27Save us!
00:51:29Save us!
00:51:31As you know, the captain had to leave us somewhat unexpectedly last night.
00:51:39And unfortunately, I've had to take over command of the ship.
00:51:43Hooray!
00:51:44Hooray!
00:51:46Now, I know you want to fight.
00:51:48And by heaven, I'm going to see that you get one.
00:51:52Hooray!
00:51:52Now, I've got a plan that's going to end this damned war in one blow.
00:51:57Hooray!
00:51:58Are you with me?
00:52:00Hooray!
00:52:00Hooray!
00:52:01Hooray!
00:52:05Hooray!
00:52:27I missed it!
00:52:29I missed it!
00:52:31It was a great big fat juicy fly it was.
00:52:34They're delicious, you know, if you cook them over a nice low candle.
00:52:37And then just a touch of hollandaise on them.
00:52:40Oh, sir.
00:52:41We can't go on like this.
00:52:43We've got to have some food.
00:52:45There's only one thing I can think of.
00:52:48Captain Coe's epic voyage in an open boat.
00:52:51Seventy-three days.
00:52:53Six of them set out.
00:52:55Only three got home.
00:52:57What did they live on?
00:52:58The three that didn't.
00:53:02Water.
00:53:04Water.
00:53:06Water.
00:53:06Yes.
00:53:07Water.
00:53:09Water.
00:53:11Water.
00:53:11Yes.
00:53:13Water.
00:53:14Not you.
00:53:14Water.
00:53:16There isn't none.
00:53:17How long we've been lying here like this?
00:53:21Days and days.
00:53:23I can't last much longer.
00:53:25water.
00:53:27There's only one thing for it.
00:53:30Swim for it and get help.
00:53:32No, mustn't.
00:53:34Two risky sharks.
00:53:37Can't just lie here and watch you die.
00:53:39You do it for me.
00:53:41After all I've done to you.
00:53:45Goodbye.
00:53:46Good luck.
00:53:48Good luck.
00:53:57It's just my luck.
00:53:58The tide's out.
00:54:02It's land!
00:54:04It's sage!
00:54:05It's land!
00:54:06It's land!
00:54:07Come on!
00:54:08It's land!
00:54:09It's land!
00:54:10It's land!
00:54:11It's land.
00:54:15It's land!
00:54:17It's land!
00:54:20Stand!retch!
00:54:21Beautiful,
00:54:22stand! Of course,
00:54:23I don't wish to boast, but if it
00:54:25hadn't been from my extensive knowledge of the prevailing
00:54:28winds, currents, tides and so on, naval know-how,
00:54:32you might say, we wouldn't be here
00:54:33in Little Hampton. We're very grateful to
00:54:37you, sir. Don't mention it,
00:54:38young man. Where are you going?
00:54:40To fetch Mrs. Fearless. I mean, Emma, the cow.
00:54:44Come on, let's find some water.
00:54:46Water? We've had quite enough of that.
00:54:48Come on, Emma. Come on, Emma. This is Little Hampton.
00:54:52Your home.
00:54:56Here we are, terra firma at last.
00:55:07You said it was Little Hampton.
00:55:08Listen, someone's coming.
00:55:10Come on, quick hide.
00:55:11What for? They're very friendly.
00:55:13I've got an aunt.
00:55:14Don't chatter. Come on.
00:55:16But my aunt lives.
00:55:18Shut up.
00:55:19Shh.
00:55:28Which one is your auntie?
00:55:34Well, how was I to know?
00:55:35Keep down. They might not see us.
00:55:37Good gracious. They're taking all their clothes off.
00:55:40I think they're going to bathe, sir.
00:55:42Bathe? How disgusting.
00:55:45What I can't understand is what a lot of Spaniards are doing bathing in Little Hampton.
00:55:49We're in Spain, you fool.
00:55:51Oh.
00:55:51That's all right, then.
00:55:52Isn't it marvelous?
00:55:54You'd better start worrying for another minute, because if that lot catches, it's the Inquisition.
00:55:57The Inky what?
00:55:59The Inquisition, the torture.
00:56:00They're a rough lot, these Spaniards, you know.
00:56:02They get you on that rack, and they start stretching you.
00:56:05They start stretching you right out like that.
00:56:07They go to any lengths, you know.
00:56:09And then they get your hands in a vice, and they start turning a great big wheel round.
00:56:12And then it's crushing your head in and off with your head, and all the time they're touching you up
00:56:16with a great big red hot.
00:56:17Please, please, not on an empty stomach.
00:56:20But they haven't caught us yet.
00:56:22If we could get to the north coast of France, then we'd have a chance.
00:56:25What, dress like this?
00:56:26Well, we could take our uniforms off.
00:56:28Yes, we could.
00:56:29Oh, no, you couldn't, could you?
00:56:32Not unless we could get some other clothes.
00:56:44I don't like the idea of leaving Emma behind.
00:56:47Don't worry, sir. Spain's full of bulls. She'll love it.
00:56:49Love what?
00:56:50Bulls.
00:56:50I hope so.
00:56:52She'd be a stupid car if she didn't.
00:57:00Yes.
00:57:02That's Curtis, all right.
00:57:04Any ships in, sir?
00:57:06Not one.
00:57:08The whole Spanish fleet must be at sea.
00:57:12This is gonna be easier than I thought.
00:57:14There'll be batteries each side of the harbour, sir, for sure.
00:57:17Shall I touch the lights?
00:57:19Why look for trouble, mister?
00:57:21Just run up the Spanish flag.
00:57:24Aye, aye, sir.
00:57:28Thank you, Midshipman Pope Decker.
00:57:30That is much better.
00:57:31That's all right, sir.
00:57:33I must say, you make a remarkably good woman.
00:57:36Doesn't he?
00:57:37Oh, yes. Very lifelike, sir.
00:57:40Thank you, sir.
00:57:41Mind you, I think you've overdone the padding a little here and there.
00:57:44I mean, you don't want to attract too much attention, do you?
00:57:47If you'll allow me...
00:57:49Um, I really think we should be pushing along, sir.
00:57:51We've got a long way to go.
00:57:53Nonsense. We're well into France by now.
00:57:56Well into France.
00:57:56Come along, sir. Come on. On your feet.
00:57:58Oh, very well.
00:58:15That's fine, mister.
00:58:17They're not going to get close enough to get a good look at it.
00:58:19Just as you say, sir.
00:58:21But I still think it would be better to leave one of the men aboard.
00:58:23No.
00:58:24We might run into a lot of trouble when we get ashore.
00:58:26We shall need every man we can find.
00:58:28Now get him into the boats.
00:58:30Aye, aye, sir.
00:58:36Look, sir.
00:58:37A harbour.
00:58:38Do you know what it is, sir?
00:58:39Of course I do. It's Le Havre.
00:58:42There.
00:58:43That looks like old Venus down there.
00:58:46Oh, by Jove.
00:58:47You're right.
00:58:49It must have been the French who captured her.
00:58:52Sir.
00:58:52Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could get aboard and take her back to England?
00:58:56Oh, I don't think they'd like that, no.
00:58:59I think we'll just look around for a small rowboat or something.
00:59:02It's our duty to try and get her back, sir.
00:59:04Think what it would mean for England, sir.
00:59:06Well, if you could do it without managing to upset anyone.
00:59:09We don't want any unpleasant incidents with the French.
00:59:12Especially now at war with them, as well as Spain.
00:59:42You don't want any issue.
00:59:49Come on, follow me.
01:00:34Come on, follow me.
01:00:41Well, well, you must be the Minister of War.
01:00:49I am Don Louis, the Governor.
01:00:51Who are you and what do you want?
01:00:52Lieutenant Jonathan Howitt, of his Britannic marriage's frigate Venus, sir.
01:00:57Guards!
01:00:58You're wasting your time, I'm afraid, Your Excellency.
01:01:00They're hors de combat.
01:01:02So she, by the looks of her.
01:01:05Mr. Angel, take her outside while I have a little talk with His Excellency.
01:01:15What shall I do with that?
01:01:17How long have you been at sea, mister?
01:01:19Fifteen years, sir.
01:01:20Well, don't ask stupid questions.
01:01:23Aye, aye, sir.
01:01:26And now, Your Excellency.
01:01:28Ah!
01:01:29Before you get any rash ideas, I should look through this window.
01:01:36There you'll see my ship, with a cannon loaded and trained on your palace here.
01:02:00You appear to have me at a disadvantage, Lieutenant.
01:02:03Time to see my ship's shit.
01:02:07I'm not sure what you are like.
01:02:15I'm not sure what you are.
01:02:17I'm not sure what you are going to do, boy.
01:02:27I'm not sure what you are going to do yet.
01:02:31I will not be sure how you are going to do that.
01:02:32Oh, my God.
01:03:02Oh, Albert, what happened?
01:03:04It came off in my hand.
01:03:08It's all right, sir. It's only a dummy.
01:03:11Oh, never mind him now. Albert, you and Walter, pull up the anchor.
01:03:14Right.
01:03:14I'll take the wheel.
01:03:15Right.
01:03:16This is just your order for the surrender of the Port of Cadiz and the entire Spanish fleet.
01:03:21That is all.
01:03:22That is all.
01:03:24I cannot do it.
01:03:25Right.
01:03:25No, wait.
01:03:28Let me think for a moment, please.
01:03:31Are we clear, Albert?
01:03:32Yes.
01:03:34Oh, that cannon's loaded and it's pointing right at the town.
01:03:39Seems a pity to waste it, isn't it?
01:03:47Now, sit down and sign.
01:03:54Don't for luck.
01:03:57Sign, Your Excellency, or I'll shoot.
01:04:21Lost?
01:04:22Of course, I'm not lost, sweetly. What are you talking about?
01:04:25Well, I was only asking, sir.
01:04:27Could you see, when we left Le Havre...
01:04:29Le Havre?
01:04:30You know, that French place.
01:04:33Oh, Le Havre.
01:04:35That's right.
01:04:36Well...
01:04:36Well, when we left there, you said we'd be in England by morning.
01:04:41Well, what about it?
01:04:42Well, that was four days ago.
01:04:49Albert, I've been checking up on the charts.
01:04:52Can you know that place we started out from?
01:04:54Le Havre?
01:04:55Yes.
01:04:56It was Cadiz.
01:04:59Cadiz?
01:05:00But the captain said definitely it was Le Havre.
01:05:02I know.
01:05:02That's what started me worrying.
01:05:05Good, dear.
01:05:06Well, that means we're a long way from home.
01:05:08Yes.
01:05:08Oh, dear.
01:05:10Don't worry.
01:05:10We'll get there somehow.
01:05:12Yes, I suppose so.
01:05:14Actually, I've been wondering why you came back at all.
01:05:17You said you were going to Spain to find your sweetheart.
01:05:20Don't you know?
01:05:21No.
01:05:22I suppose I just suddenly realised that I didn't really love him.
01:05:25Oh.
01:05:26He just swept me off my feet.
01:05:27After all, I was only 13.
01:05:30Do you mean to say he plighted your thing of me when you were only 13?
01:05:33Yes.
01:05:35Dirty, rotten plighter.
01:05:37Oh, it doesn't matter now.
01:05:38I'm just glad I met you in time.
01:05:41In time for what?
01:05:42Oh, Albert.
01:05:43Do I have to hit you over the head again?
01:05:44No.
01:05:45I love you.
01:05:48You love me?
01:05:50Oh, that's wonderful, because I love me, too.
01:05:53I mean, I love you, too.
01:05:55Oh.
01:05:59I think it's time I had my wound dressed.
01:06:01Where's midshipman Poopdecker?
01:06:03He's down on the main deck there, sir, with Albert.
01:06:06Ah.
01:06:09I may like to run a happy ship, but this is ridiculous.
01:06:13Midshipman Poopdecker!
01:06:15Yes?
01:06:16Yes?
01:06:16Report to the Poopdecker immediately.
01:06:23I'm sure there's nothing in here to cover it.
01:06:28Sir?
01:06:29Really, Poopdecker, I don't know what to say.
01:06:32Sir, if it's about us kissing just now, it's all right, sir.
01:06:35What do you mean, it's all right?
01:06:37How could it possibly be all right?
01:06:39We're going to be married, sir.
01:06:41Married?
01:06:41Oh, I'm afraid Albert didn't explain it very well, sir.
01:06:44You see, I'm not really midshipman Albert Poopdecker at all.
01:06:48No, I'm...
01:06:49Ship ahoy!
01:06:53I wish you wouldn't shout at my ear like that.
01:06:58Begging your pardon, sir, the ship ahoy.
01:07:01Where?
01:07:02We're roughly broad on the left bow.
01:07:06My ears, we're one of our luggers on Channel Patrol.
01:07:10Are you sure, sir?
01:07:11Of course I'm sure.
01:07:12Do you think I don't know a lugger when I see one?
01:07:14Give a signal for her to come alongside.
01:07:18Ah, sir.
01:07:21An English frigate.
01:07:24Run up the flag hook and see what she does.
01:07:28Aye, aye, Captain.
01:07:29Run up the flag!
01:07:34Doesn't make too big a fight of it, eh, Oop?
01:07:36A ship like that would just suit us fine.
01:07:39Aye, Captain.
01:07:41This one's a damn sight too small for us, that's for sure.
01:07:45They're making a signal.
01:07:48They want us to come...
01:07:53alongside.
01:07:55They what?
01:07:56Maybe a trap, of course.
01:07:57Aye.
01:07:58They're a crafty lot, all right, the Navy.
01:08:01Well, we can be crafty, too.
01:08:03Run down the flag hook.
01:08:04Get the grappling irons ready, and tell the lads to stay out of sight till we get alongside.
01:08:10All right, Captain.
01:08:13Down here, sir.
01:08:14Yes, about there.
01:08:17Easy, does it?
01:08:19Ah, that's it.
01:08:23Now, gentlemen, we may be a somewhat weary and depleted crew, but we must still welcome her captain aboard in
01:08:28a fitting and traditional manner.
01:08:29Yes, sir, if you're sure it's an Englishman.
01:08:32Midshipman Poopdecker, do stop interrupting me.
01:08:34Where was I?
01:08:35Oh, yes, sir.
01:08:36I think as they come alongside, we'll give them three rousing cheers, eh?
01:08:41Here they come now.
01:08:42Have you got your call ready?
01:08:44Yes, sir.
01:08:45Right, after you've piped her captain aboard, I'll make a speech of welcome.
01:08:48Right, give them three hearty cheers, lads.
01:08:50Hip, hip.
01:08:51Hooray!
01:09:00Not a patrol boat, they're pirates!
01:09:02Well, anyone can make a mistake.
01:09:11There she goes!
01:09:18And now, what are we going to do with our prisoners, eh?
01:09:22If you don't mind my saying so, my good fellow, that was a rather foolish thing to do, sinking your
01:09:26own ship, I mean.
01:09:27Oh, you think so, do you?
01:09:29Why?
01:09:30Well, how are you going to get home?
01:09:34You don't think they've got the idea, mate.
01:09:36This is our ship now.
01:09:38How are you going to get home?
01:09:41What a sorry-looking shark.
01:09:44If that's the best the English can do, have an album.
01:09:48You won't need that no longer, mate.
01:09:53How's that, lads?
01:09:55Who wants another rat?
01:09:59It's a girl.
01:10:00A girl?
01:10:02My dear, then you weren't overdoing the, uh...
01:10:05Well, now, this is really sonic, ain't it?
01:10:08You take your hands off her!
01:10:11Stand back, you dogs!
01:10:13What the devil's going on here, Hook?
01:10:15What are the prisoners, Captain?
01:10:17It's a girl.
01:10:18A what?
01:10:18Roger!
01:10:19Roger?
01:10:20The lodger?
01:10:22Don't know that face.
01:10:25Rot my guts, Sally.
01:10:28Sally from Dirty Dicks.
01:10:30Well, you have grown into that.
01:10:33Get back, you scum!
01:10:35She's not for the likes of you.
01:10:38Come here.
01:10:39I'll take care of this one.
01:10:40What about the rest of them, Captain?
01:10:42You know what to do with them, Hook?
01:10:44Aye, Captain.
01:10:46Run out the plate, lads!
01:10:53Roger.
01:10:54Roger, I hardly recognized you.
01:10:56You've changed.
01:10:57Yes, you look a bit different yourself.
01:11:00I thought you were a prisoner in Spain.
01:11:02Me?
01:11:03No.
01:11:03I deserted in Morocco.
01:11:05I find piracy much more to me taste than a dreaded navy.
01:11:09Especially when I can take prizes like you.
01:11:11Come, wench.
01:11:12Oh, oh, Roger, please!
01:11:13No, no!
01:11:14I no longer love you!
01:11:15I love another!
01:11:16Love?
01:11:17Who cares about love?
01:11:18Kiss me!
01:11:19No, no!
01:11:19I'll kill myself first!
01:11:21But you're mine!
01:11:22We promised each other!
01:11:23It's too late!
01:11:24I'll never be yours willingly!
01:11:26The damn wench you'll be mine willingly!
01:11:29Or else...
01:11:30All ready, Vern.
01:11:31Do you want to see the front?
01:11:32No!
01:11:33Yes.
01:11:35Yes, let's watch this together.
01:11:37May make you change your mind.
01:11:43All right!
01:11:45You first!
01:12:05Well, get on with it!
01:12:06Or does he want to make a last-minute request or something?
01:12:09Yes, I do, please.
01:12:11Well, what is it?
01:12:12Could he show me how to do it?
01:12:14What?
01:12:15Well, you see, I've never done it before.
01:12:17Perhaps your captain will be good enough to show you.
01:12:20Me?
01:12:21Oh, no, I'm terribly sorry.
01:12:22I'm incapacitated.
01:12:23My foot, you know.
01:12:24What are these?
01:12:26Men or mice?
01:12:28You, help him.
01:12:30Now, look!
01:12:30I've got just one thing to say to you.
01:12:32If...
01:12:33Yes.
01:12:35Help him.
01:12:38Piggyback, sir?
01:12:39Thank you, Albert.
01:12:40Thank you, sir.
01:12:58You all right, sir?
01:12:59Yes, thank you, Albert.
01:13:00You will be careful, won't you?
01:13:02Don't drop me.
01:13:03I'll try not to, sir.
01:13:11No, no, stop!
01:13:14Well?
01:13:16Spare them, and I'll be yours.
01:13:19Willingly?
01:13:21Willingly.
01:13:22It's a bargain.
01:13:24Hook!
01:13:25Put him in irons!
01:13:26All right.
01:13:27Come back, you two.
01:13:29All right.
01:13:32Sally, I can't let you do it.
01:13:34I'll kill the whole lot of them first.
01:13:35Oh, you will, will you?
01:13:37Ah!
01:13:38Ah!
01:13:40Oh!
01:13:41Oh!
01:13:41Don't just stand there.
01:13:42Get him!
01:13:43Ah!
01:13:45That's fine enough.
01:13:46I'm warning you.
01:13:47Thank you, Walter.
01:13:48No!
01:13:49All right.
01:13:50Come on.
01:13:51Come on.
01:13:51Just try me, that's all.
01:13:53Come on.
01:13:53What are you waiting for?
01:13:54Come on.
01:13:55What are you afraid of?
01:13:57You just try me, that's all.
01:13:58I'll fuck it up, pieces.
01:14:01Hang on, Albert.
01:14:03Hang on.
01:14:10Well, get after him, you fools.
01:14:13He can't get away.
01:14:15Oh, come on.
01:14:16Get him, my hook.
01:14:22Get him!
01:14:24Get him!
01:14:26Get him!
01:14:29Get him!
01:14:35And you, use your pistols, shoot him down!
01:14:41And you, use your pistols.
01:14:46And you, use your pistols.
01:14:50Go!
01:14:53And you!
01:14:55And you, use your pistols.
01:14:59Move this!
01:15:01Move it!
01:15:02Go!
01:15:03Oh, my God!
01:15:08Well, gentlemen, I'm sure you are anxious to know why I have brought you here to Corona.
01:15:13To be shot?
01:15:14Of course.
01:15:16But first, I wish you to have the pleasure of seeing the great armada of Spanish ships
01:15:20assembled here to invade your country.
01:15:22How many ships?
01:15:24And when do they sail?
01:15:25Five men of war at dawn.
01:15:28I don't believe you.
01:15:30No, I did not think you would.
01:15:33That is why I want you to see them, Captain The Guard.
01:16:02I did not think you would.
01:16:07I did not think you would.
01:16:21Nice work, Mr. Angel.
01:16:23Thank you, sir. What now?
01:16:24Well, you heard what the man said.
01:16:26There are five ships ready and waiting for us.
01:16:33Forward, men!
01:16:35Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right.
01:16:44Where are we?
01:16:45Mr. Angel!
01:16:49Aye, sir.
01:16:50Take the wheel, will you?
01:16:51Aye, sir.
01:16:55yes it's england we've done it we've done it yes all the way from carona with five spanish ships
01:17:03and only four men to a ship how about that mister think of the prize money i'll be able to
01:17:07stay
01:17:07drunk for a year think of the glory mister we've got on in history the only man to capture five
01:17:12ships intact without a shot being fired i can't wait to sail this lot into them of harbor hi sir
01:17:16we're flying the spanish flag do you think they'll fire on us now we've got identification penance
01:17:21we'll keep as far inshore as possible and let them get a chance to see them
01:17:40four points to larvon helmsman four points to larvon sir
01:17:48mr sweetly yes aye aye sir aye aye sir that's better on the quarter deck jump to it
01:18:13yes aye aye sir aye aye sir good are all the guns primed loaded and ready to fire
01:18:21aye aye sir what's the good of having the guns all primed and ready to fire anyway
01:18:27what's the good yes don't imagine for a moment we're going to be taken by surprise again sweetly
01:18:32if anyone tries to board us now they'll get more than they bargained for
01:18:35next time we're not going to be caught with our gun ports down
01:18:38oh well if that's all there is i might be able to get a bit of sleep
01:18:41take the wheel oh have art albert stop calling me albert acting captain poopdecker rn sir with a hyphen
01:18:56any orders for me sir oh yes um hi hi um check the guns
01:19:02aye aye sir feed the prisoners aye aye sir attend to the captain's foot
01:19:06aye aye sir and before you go aye sir give us a kiss
01:19:10aye aye sir
01:19:11aye aye sir
01:19:17gore all i get is the scrubbing
01:19:22and this wind hose will be in plymouth by sundown mister
01:19:25aye just in time for a glass of rum
01:19:28don't get in too close now there's some nasty reefs around here
01:19:31don't you worry sir nothing can stop us getting there now
01:19:34nothing
01:19:36where away
01:19:45yes i see her
01:19:47looks like a frigate
01:19:48well that's all right then
01:19:49probably come to investigate us
01:19:52still we don't want any mistakes
01:19:54you better see they're all flying identification signals mister
01:20:03what's the trouble
01:20:06i thought you ought to see him albert i mean sir he seems to be in a permanent daze
01:20:10he always is no no it's more like a coma
01:20:13oh and look at his foot
01:20:18should it be that colour
01:20:19i don't like it
01:20:20oh neither do i i never did like green
01:20:22oh no albert you've got to do something
01:20:24what would you expect me to do bleach it
01:20:26it's infected albert it has to come off
01:20:29yes you're quite right it's got to come off
01:20:30right away
01:20:32right away
01:20:33you can do it i know you can
01:20:35yes i can
01:20:37i can do it
01:20:38you have to albert you're the captain
01:20:41it's your responsibility
01:20:43if you don't
01:20:44he'll die
01:20:46yes of course you're quite right
01:20:47yes i've got to do it
01:20:48i'm the captain you know
01:20:50yes you're
01:20:51now there's nothing to worry about
01:20:52there's no need to worry about a thing now
01:20:53all you need is a steady hand
01:20:57and a keen eye
01:20:58and a couple of things
01:21:01where's the door
01:21:01where's the door
01:21:02oh no
01:21:05oh come on
01:21:06oh walter
01:21:07walter
01:21:11walter
01:21:12walter
01:21:13walter
01:21:13look at him
01:21:15walter
01:21:17walter
01:21:19walter
01:21:19oh i must have dropped door
01:21:21well never mind that now walter
01:21:22just lash the wheel and come below
01:21:23here
01:21:24you call me walter
01:21:26you haven't done that for days
01:21:27well all right all right
01:21:28just lash the wheel
01:21:29look i need all feet to help with the captain's hands
01:21:31i mean i need all hands to help with the captain's feet
01:21:34and his foot
01:21:35now we'll need um
01:21:37what do we need
01:21:37saw
01:21:38saw
01:21:38saw
01:21:39saw
01:21:39knife
01:21:40knife
01:21:41knife
01:21:43oh no i mustn't start that
01:21:45sailmaker's needle
01:21:46sailmaker's needle
01:21:48sailmaker's needle
01:21:49oh and thread
01:21:50thread
01:21:50and thread
01:21:51who's thread
01:21:52who's thread
01:21:53oh no thread you fool
01:21:55oh
01:21:55and plenty of hot water
01:21:57everything's got to be boiled
01:21:58come on
01:22:01boil everything
01:22:02the galley stove isn't working
01:22:09it's the old venus
01:22:10you sure sir
01:22:11of course i'd know her anywhere
01:22:14how can she have got here
01:22:16i don't know
01:22:17but if she doesn't order course soon
01:22:19she'll be right across our bows
01:22:20ah she's bound to have spotted us
01:22:24anyway i'll make a signal for her to give us sea room
01:22:27a big boy he said
01:22:28and it will
01:22:30oh it's us all ready
01:22:38where am i
01:22:40it's all right sir
01:22:41you're all right
01:22:43oh mama
01:22:44mama
01:22:46is it time to get up
01:22:49he's delirious
01:22:50oh papa
01:22:52what were you doing with nanny
01:22:54in the summer house
01:22:56he's disgustingly delirious
01:22:57now don't you worry sir
01:22:58we'll have you hopping about in no time
01:23:01don't let them send me to sea
01:23:03i don't want to go to sea mummy
01:23:05no i don't want to go
01:23:08want a nice desk job
01:23:11yes well
01:23:12after this you'll probably get one sir
01:23:14yes
01:23:17they all right
01:23:19i think so
01:23:20how long do you boil them
01:23:23four minutes
01:23:24they'll still be soft
01:23:28oh goody goody
01:23:30daddy going to make me a rocking horse
01:23:35water
01:23:35hold his shoulders
01:23:44ready sir
01:23:45what
01:23:46ready
01:23:56this may hurt
01:23:57just a bit sir
01:24:07i don't understand it
01:24:08our signals are clear enough
01:24:10what's the matter with them
01:24:12are they blind or something
01:24:15hey wait a minute
01:24:17i can't see anybody
01:24:20there's nobody on deck
01:24:24oi there
01:24:25give way
01:24:46albert
01:24:47shh don't interrupt me now
01:24:48but albert
01:24:49be quiet
01:24:50i never thought he'd be as tough as this to get through
01:24:53but albert
01:24:54you're sewing through the desk as well
01:24:58why didn't you tell me
01:25:08we'll have to go about sir
01:25:09how can we
01:25:10we'll be on the rocks if we do
01:25:12how's the matter with the fools
01:25:15oi
01:25:19there's gonna be stripes
01:25:20they're on fire
01:25:28here
01:25:29wait a minute
01:25:30what is it
01:25:31i thought i could smell burning
01:25:35there's no need to be rude
01:25:40i'm positive i can smell
01:25:42cool
01:25:44made me miss it again
01:25:45yeah use this
01:26:00they're firing on us now
01:26:02hey don't fire
01:26:04we're on your side
01:26:12here
01:26:13what's all that noise about
01:26:16it sounds like a battle
01:26:17noise what noise
01:26:18will you wait a minute
01:26:19listen
01:26:28that's thunder
01:26:29oh
01:26:31look you've made me drop a stitch
01:26:33oh
01:26:34i shall have to unpick it
01:26:37put a boat
01:26:39put a boat
01:26:40he is mad
01:26:45all right
01:26:46all right boys
01:26:46abandon ship
01:26:48swim for it
01:27:03that's it
01:27:05it's finished
01:27:06oh albert
01:27:07i'm so proud of you
01:27:08yes
01:27:09it's a very neat job
01:27:12thank you
01:27:15i need a breath of fresh air
01:27:16yeah
01:27:28what happened
01:27:30albert
01:27:31look
01:27:34you were right
01:27:35it was a battle
01:27:42i'm glad we didn't get mixed up in it
01:27:44oh yes
01:27:48hear all about it
01:27:50spanish invasion fleet
01:27:54completely destroyed off cornwall
01:27:57by single frigate
01:27:59oh yes
01:28:03and in recognition of your gallant action against overwhelming odds
01:28:07his majesty hereby confers on you all
01:28:10the freedom of the city of london
01:28:12and a life pension
01:28:15for you
01:28:15and your families
01:28:17of seven shillings and sixpence a year
01:28:19severance
01:28:21six
01:28:21thank you
01:28:22thank you
01:28:23but that is not all gentlemen
01:28:25amid shipman poopdecker
01:28:28and able seamen sweetly
01:28:29you are henceforth granted the rank of
01:28:32honorary captains
01:28:34well
01:28:34very nice of you my lord
01:28:35thank you very much
01:28:37i'm giving up the sea
01:28:38yes
01:28:38well i
01:28:39giving us
01:28:40what was that
01:28:42we're going to be married my lord
01:28:44bless my soul
01:28:46as for you captain fearless
01:28:48i trust that you will accept the rank of admiral
01:28:50and a permanent desk here
01:28:52a desk here my lord
01:28:55i'm overwhelmed
01:28:57that's a second desk job
01:28:58he's had this week sir
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