- 2 days ago
Twisted Metal - Season 2 - Episode 04: LZGTBZY
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TVTranscript
00:00You
00:06I'm hosting a tournament and I invite the best drivers to compete
00:12We call ourselves the dolls the divide between insiders and outsiders grows by the day. I'm entering the tournament
00:18I'm gonna wish to bring down all the city walls. It's bad out here John, and it's getting worse. This
00:22monster's after me. Who is he? My best friends
00:26Unfortunately, he missed every major organ on his body when you're the last five
00:29Everyone will know sweet tooth is the best look I was thinking with me. You're lucky. I'm with them
00:35I heard you and quiet make quite the team just like old time John and I are gonna take a
00:39detour
00:44I'm mayhem you're looking at the best driver on the west coast
00:47proven you don't have a goddamn clue what you're doing what the hell is that this wasn't on the final
00:53You two are gonna win you're gonna need some special weapons and the most overpowered specials can only be found
00:58in diesel city
00:59That's cool, but we don't have any money. We're gonna steal them
01:42You want to steal a bunch of weapons out of this place looks like you're gonna need a plan to
01:47do that good thing. I've got one
01:50So here's the deal the cardinal rule of diesel city is no violence
01:54Dozens of snipers in there make sure of that you die. It's from their bullet
01:59Diesel city is for buyers only so whatever gas you bring is swapped out for an in-house currency
02:04And while the bazaar has got a whole slew of fine-ass weaponry the most lethal ordinance can be found
02:09deep in the Emperor's inner sanctum
02:11Locked away in a vault and for good reason these are game changers s-tier special weapons
02:16The nasty shit even upper here sick the biggest hurdle will be opening up the vault
02:22The switch that controls the door is way up there in the crow's nest
02:28So how do we get into the inner sanctum only the highest paying customers are allowed and the people with
02:34most money?
02:35Are the representatives from the insider cities?
02:37I think the official term is a gaggle of fuck nuts you blend in with them
02:41Get yourself a lanyard boom you're in
02:46I'll take the lead on this one really you yeah me I used to live with insiders. I know how
02:53their brain works
02:54Do you even know what an hors d'oeuvre is and you won't believe how they spelled that shit?
02:59Listen, how are we gonna blend in? I mean we're filthy. I don't even know whose blood this is. Here
03:04you go
03:06Mr. and Mrs. Dipshit reporting for duty
03:11Okay, so while you two look for the vaults, I'll sneak up to the crow's nest and get the door
03:15open
03:16You have 30 minutes to get your asses there 20 minutes. Yeah
03:21What?
03:2230 minutes. Yeah, that's what I meant. You got to be in and out, okay? Mayhem, you'll stay back here
03:28Shit goes sideways. We might need a getaway driver. Ah, hell yeah. I'll totally drive us the fuck out of
03:34here
03:35She ready for this? Yes, keys, bitch
03:41Thank you
03:43Okay
03:45You two ready to debut the new spring collection?
03:49Wow, you look like a loose turd
03:59God damn
04:00Are we good?
04:02Yeah, we're good
04:05All right, let's go
04:08Bye
04:09Don't die in there
04:16Offerings for the emperor
04:17Offerings for the emperor
04:2520 pieces each
04:28Welcome to Diesel City
04:29Where commerce is created and conflict is not tolerated
04:33Tolerated
04:34Happy shopping
04:45Remember, vault for 30 minutes
04:50That's a bold choice
04:52Knights of Nebraska
04:54I heard they took over Topeka and then killed what was left of the mall
04:58I guess they can wear whatever funny fucking hats they want
05:03So this is Diesel City
05:06Holy shit
05:07Eight for all these?
05:15Mm-hmm
05:16And if you're interested, I'm running a sale on 40 caliber
05:18Hey, they got grenades
05:20Can we have some?
05:22We have grenades in the truck
05:23No, but these ones have little metal pieces in them
05:25I'll never ask for anything again
05:27Not this time
05:29Thank you
05:30I know you're excited, but
05:31You need to calm down a little bit, okay?
05:33Remember, this is about us winning the tournament
05:35It's not about you buying whatever you want
05:37I do want to win the tournament
05:38Exactly
05:39And these bullets I got us?
05:41They're armor-piercing
05:42Pretty sweet, huh?
05:44Yeah, I guess
05:44Trust me
05:45You're gonna have plenty of toys to play with, okay?
05:48See? That's why I like working with you, Stu
05:50You do the premeditating, I do the murder
05:53Speaking of, I know killing is a big no-no around here
05:57But I'm pretty sure I can get away with it
05:59I mean, it can't be that hard
06:01Stop! Nate!
06:06Oh, shit
06:07Oh-ho!
06:09Woo! Way to go!
06:11You really misted that guy
06:12Oh, man
06:13Woo!
06:15See? That's why you gotta behave
06:17You're always watching
06:19Where there's a willing clown
06:21There's a way to murder
06:23Know what I'm saying?
06:24Look
06:25Why don't you go pick out something special for the tournament?
06:28Here you go
06:29Get whatever you want
06:30So long as it's useful
06:31Okay?
06:32Have fun
06:34And no murder
06:36Sure thing, Stu
06:52Okay, we need to get some lanyards without a fight
06:56Any ideas?
06:58No
07:00Oh, way to take the lead
07:02Here comes some insiders
07:04Okay
07:04So I'm gonna have to pull out the big guns
07:09Hello, boys
07:12Oh, you can't be serious
07:15Look, you're a cute chick, quiet
07:17But you look like you're trying to push out a fart right now
07:20What are you doing here anyway? You're supposed to be in the car
07:22Well, I'm helping your awkward asses, that's what I'm doing
07:25Oh, shit
07:25Oh, where'd you get those?
07:27Well, I asked nicely and they just gave them to me
07:29What do you think?
07:30Not bad
07:32Good pull, mate
07:34Nah, no way
07:34This guy doesn't even look like me
07:36He wears glasses
07:36Huh, got you covered, chief
07:40This isn't going to work
07:45Huh
07:47How's everything so crisp and clear?
07:48What are you talking about?
07:50You know how the world is usually blurry?
07:52With these
07:54What?
07:55You gotta try these
07:56Have your eyes always been that color?
07:59Well, I've done my job
08:00Hey
08:00Your job is getaway driver
08:04Going back to the car, right?
08:06Oh, yeah
08:06Definitely
08:12Glasses
08:15They're working
08:27Okay
08:27Welcome back, Mr. Davis
08:28Heh, of course
08:32Mr. Basso
08:34And a good times to you from the fine people of Spokane
08:39Sure
08:41Spokane, go brah
08:44Okay
08:55We can tell Mayhem we found
08:57Fuck not either
08:58Ooh, look
08:59Drinks
09:02Oh
09:04Damn
09:04This flavor is intoxicated
09:06Oh, damn
09:06That is sweet
09:07Mm-hmm
09:08Usually needs this full of booze
09:19There's a sinus
09:20Yeah, so someone actually, like, killed my lube guy
09:24It's crazy, like, who would kill an essential worker?
09:26I bet the vault's mine there
09:29So rude
09:30Yeah
09:31Okay
09:32Okay
09:32Let's just lay low and make our way over
09:36All right
09:36Just, you know, blend in
09:38All right
09:40Okay
09:44Looking like we got a couple boogies
09:44There's a flat
09:44No proof joke
09:45Thank you
09:51Looking like we got a couple of bogies
09:53Oh, no, we have got to go right now
09:59well well well where the fuck do you think you're going
10:11so what exactly are you two up to top of the morning t sir i'm deb from spork i can
10:20see your
10:20batch yeah i'm i'm rick but you can call me a big rick from kirkland yummy you know i've never
10:30heard
10:30a spokane accent before it's fucking hideous i love it stupid accent so what i want to know is
10:40what are you guys doing here together kirkland and spokane haven't had diplomatic relations
10:47since the manure conflict trying to turn my little weapons market soiree into a peace summit
10:55are we oh you doubt we are sir guilty oh really okay
11:04how is kirkland since the whole sabotage we're maintaining poisoning their drinking water
11:12with laxatives was genius break their sewers fill their hospitals make them feel dirty for once
11:18girl spokane don't play no no no we almost killed all the bastards on their wings
11:35is that even you
11:41looks like someone benefited from those laxatives
11:46diarrhea looks great on you he's still a full shite though
11:53deb i love deb you know it's so funny i can't understand a fucking word you're saying but
12:00this whole lovers from different towns romeo and juliet bullshit gets me rock fucking hard
12:07now if you'll excuse me i've got to go prepare for the main event
12:10enjoy the auction stay hydrated
12:22that was too fucking close
12:27oh banana berry fucking yum dude
12:3215 coins for one missile that's highway robbery i can give you uh 12 12 12 is an insult
12:40stew stubert ta-da hey i need some of those coins back sorry fresh out this thing is gorgeous
12:50right it's real velvet touch it you spent all of our money the money we need for actual weapons
12:56on a stupid cape watch this
12:59wait what are you
13:02shit
13:04i killed two other yo-yos like that the same way
13:06no one even noticed
13:09unbelievable even when you have a plan you still just do whatever you want to do
13:12i don't think you understand i am investing in history
13:15because this cape belonged to count dracula
13:20no way that's true
13:21the vendor i bought this from was a learned man
13:24not a chance he would lie to me regardless if it was owned by a dracula the point is
13:28i asked you one thing one simple thing
13:30you need to come with us sir
13:32what why
13:32sweet tooth a little help
13:34sweet tooth
13:36catch you later stew
13:39count sweet tooth is on the hunt
13:46is he still looking at us
13:50look there's only 15 minutes left let's just scope out what we want out of the vault
13:54like this ghost missiles i wonder if they could go through walls
13:59every missile goes through walls
14:01how about this boomerang blast
14:05don't tell me they come back to you
14:08oh that would be so useless
14:10don't be so quick to discount the boomerang blast it's more difficult to master yes but
14:15it is one of our more lethal options
14:17it feels like easy use be sort of key there
14:20lady who knows what she wants
14:22uh if you prefer something a bit simpler may i suggest the napalm cones
14:28these rockets deploy liquid napalm they can melt an outsider's skin in seven seconds flat
14:34i'm assuming this is for perimeter defense yes
14:36oh yeah of course
14:37hmm new san francisco just implemented this system and is very pleased with the results
14:43they cleared out an entire encampment of pedestrians near their gates
14:47lickety split
14:48the smell will go away
14:51eventually
14:52that's fucked up man
14:54it is isn't it
14:56aww thanks so much sir
14:58keep it together
14:59the people outside the walls are just trying to hang on
15:02this guy's talking about them like they're roaches
15:04every city has weapons like this now
15:07every one
15:08keeping people out isn't enough anymore
15:11they want them gone
15:11i know people on the inside guards even
15:14and they don't say anything about stuff like this
15:17yeah you think they would tell you?
15:23fuck them
15:24and fuck this
15:25we're taking them all down
15:27the system, the walls, all up
15:34okay
15:34chin chin
15:36everybody wrap up your bids
15:38and we will announce the winners
15:40after playtime
15:43everybody follow me
15:44come on you little rats
15:47come to your pie piper
15:49playtime
16:03hey studs
16:04hey studs
16:13mind if i cape in?
16:25uh... thanks
16:26well thank you
16:27never killed with a lady before
16:28masked or otherwise
16:30i'm sweet tooth
16:31i know
16:32ah finally someone gets it
16:35it would be my honor
16:37to kill alongside you
16:38whatever
16:42oh i like her
16:52i'll take your coats
17:01thank you my good man
17:05wear these
17:06one vulture
17:07one holy man
17:09are you leaving your bottoms on?
17:12yeah
17:13suit yourselves weirdos
17:33you love being on the outside don't you?
17:38dirty little outsiders
17:40yes
17:41play your roles
17:43you holy men
17:44you butchers
17:45revel in your lawlessness
17:47you nasty little vultures
17:49and remember
17:50no pleasure is forbidden
17:52on the outside
17:53hello mr holy man
17:56i'm a wrapped little trash boy
17:59rip me open
18:00hey i understand role playing man but i'll pass
18:03you look awful thirsty
18:04how about a cup of
18:05freshly squeezed ass
18:07i've had my share of trash ass for today thanks
18:10shoulders pentaline man
18:13this way
18:15our vulture mess was raided last week
18:18excuse me
18:18and it was all your fault
18:19now you have to pay the price
18:21in skin
18:22oh um
18:23no thank you
18:25oh look uh holy man
18:27oh my skin is his prisoner now
18:28sorry
18:30she was kind of hot right?
18:32yes absolutely
18:32just trying a little too hard you know
18:37his majesty is looking at us
18:39just you know
18:40play along
18:41sell it
18:43oh yeah
18:44i'm an outsider
18:45i deserve to be on all cores
18:48like a bad bad dog
18:49yeah
18:50yeah
18:51i'm a dirty doggy boy too
18:54oh
18:55fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
18:58okay
18:58start with the missionary
19:00go
19:00go
19:02go
19:02go
19:02go
19:03go
19:03go
19:03go
19:05go
19:05go
19:06go
19:08go
19:08go
19:08go
19:17go
19:18go
19:18go
19:24go
19:27go
19:44go
19:46go
19:46go
19:46go
19:47Behold, you're king of dirt.
19:54Have you guys tested out this machine?
19:56I'm distracted. It's me.
20:01John!
20:03It's me, Stu.
20:04It calls itself
20:06Stu.
20:08Stu.
20:10Stu.
20:12Stu.
20:14Stu.
20:15Oh, this is a sex thing?
20:17Did I win a contest or something?
20:20Stu.
20:22Stu.
20:24Stu.
20:26Stu.
20:30Stu.
20:37Just a few lasers between us and the weapons.
20:40Not just lasers.
20:42Shit.
20:43We're cutting it close.
20:45Allow me.
20:51Oh, shit.
20:54Oh!
20:57Shit!
21:01Fuck!
21:01I can see.
21:03Ah.
21:04Ah.
21:05Ah.
21:06Ah.
21:07Ah.
21:09Ah.
21:09Ah, fuck you.
21:14Ah.
21:19Hey, hey, you ever had a footlong?
21:21I mean, it's not just more dog.
21:24See, the ratio of bun to dog
21:26varies the flavor in a very specific way.
21:30Fascinating.
21:31Yeah, I think so, too.
21:34And you're coming in, I guess.
21:36Um, so, so, are you normally a solo assassin,
21:40or is this, like, a special occasion?
21:42I do what it takes.
21:44Oh, cool, real go-getter cool, just like myself.
21:47Have you ever maybe considered chiming up?
21:49I mean, obviously, I'm spoken for, but,
21:51I don't know, I might be convinced to maybe take on a third.
21:55HVAC, water...
21:56Wait, EMP?
22:02They've got an electromagnetic pulse generator.
22:05Killing electricity on demand could be a game-changer.
22:08Especially in a tournament.
22:11I call dibs.
22:12Finders keepers.
22:13Losers weepers.
22:22Shit, they got a lot of lasers.
22:25This one's on me.
22:34Oh!
22:38Oh!
22:39Oh!
22:50Oh!
22:52Oh!
22:55Oh!
23:11Oh!
23:12Oh!
23:14Oh!
23:14Oh!
23:16Oh!
23:18Baby, don't hurt me
23:20Don't hurt me
23:22No more
23:31One is mine
23:49Hey, get your thumb out of there
24:09What are the weapons?
24:10Dolphys said we have to be in and out
24:12I'll be done in two and a half
24:13Don't hurt me
24:16No more
24:40Wait, we're gone
24:47Oh, my God
25:05Oh, my God
25:09How the hell do you get out of this place?
25:11No more
25:12What is love
25:14Baby, don't hurt me
25:16Don't hurt me
25:18No more
25:19No more sex
25:21I'm depleted
25:24Holy shit
25:25Holy shit
25:27Jackpot
25:35What is love
25:38And stay down
25:47Who wears a fucking cape?
25:50Damn, kid
25:53Curse this high-quality velvet
26:00May'am, heads up
26:02Run, you little psycho
26:13Mash lady
26:15Mash lady
26:16What's happening?
26:17Is that an alarm?
26:18Halt!
26:19What have you got there, Stu?
26:22You, you dare steal from me after I gave you the gift of flesh?
26:27Kill him
26:29He didn't fuck me
26:32I fucked you
26:39Oh, shit
26:40Oh, shit
26:41Oh, shit
26:42The alarm
26:42Oh, my God
26:43We gotta go
26:44Did you finish?
26:47We really gotta go
26:48Where are all the weapons?
26:51We're all close
27:03This is what I get for trying to collaborate
27:05Get out of my way
27:09Someone got attacked
27:11Stop her, stop her
27:13Crap everything
27:30This is my kind of party
27:34Sorry
27:35Excuse me
27:36Sorry
27:44Come on
27:45It's fucking cold in here
28:00You
28:01Oh, hell
28:02Get it up, bitch
28:05Girl, where the fuck is Mayhem?
28:13Where the hell have you been?
28:14That doesn't really seem like the most important question to be asking right now
28:17Looking good, guys
28:19Meg, you take shrapnel
28:21I've got my own pony
28:24Yee-haw, Kit Kat
28:27Hey, it's that bloody guy
28:29Drew
28:30Drew
28:31Drew
28:36Hey, Stu
28:37You look kind of different
28:38I killed him
28:40I killed him all
28:41You mean, like, dead dead?
28:43Yeah
28:44It was awesome
28:45I knew you could do it, Stu
28:47Gosh, I'm proud of you
28:48Can't believe I missed it
28:50It's okay
28:51I got you a consolation prize
28:54Okay, okay
28:55Calm down, Stu
28:56Yeah
28:57Yeah
28:58Napalm cones
28:59My favorite
29:00Stu
29:02Remember this day
29:03For on this day
29:05You had your first massacre
29:06You became a man
29:08And this was your gore mitzvah
29:13Tell me everything
29:15I also had a lot of sex
29:16Gross
29:17I don't want to hear about any of that
29:19Decorum
29:21How'd you get an EMP?
29:23All we got was armor-piercing bullets and missiles that come back to you
29:26I mean, that's not all you got
29:30Ugh, you're nasty
29:31What can I say?
29:32We make a good team
29:34That we do
29:36Hope it's enough to win the tournament
29:38Not sure it is
29:40Ever since I met you guys, I've seen a car man, a weird grim reaper, biker dude, and a killer
29:45clown
29:46You're gonna need someone to watch your back
29:49Which is why I'm entering too
29:52What about the dolls?
29:53The dolls have their orders
29:55Think about it, roadkill is fast
29:57You take the lead
29:58I set up the EMP
29:59Boom
30:00No more competition
30:02We race to the finish
30:04And make our wish
30:06And it ends before it even starts
30:08And in shrapnel, I'll be fucking unstoppable
30:13Also, do we have an ETP?
30:15Yeah, got some in the car
30:16Thank you
30:17Uh-huh, hold tight
30:24Tell me again about the cabin
30:27You know I've never been there, right?
30:29I know
30:29Well, just, you know, tell me anyway
30:33Make it up
30:38The air is sweet
30:42At night, all you can hear are the owls and stars as far as the eye can see
30:52Kind of like now
30:54Yeah
31:04The tournament starts tomorrow
31:08You think we'll win?
31:10You think we'll win?
31:15You think we'll win?
31:27You think we'll win?
31:29You think we'll win?
31:29You think we'll win?
31:29You think we'll win?
31:29You think we'll win?
31:29You think we'll win?
31:30You think we'll win?
31:31You think we'll win?
31:31You think we'll win?
31:32You think we'll win?
31:33You think we'll win?
31:34You think we'll win?
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