00:03Parker, what do you want in your lunch? Apple or banana?
00:06Keep going until you get your cupcake.
00:11Good morning, fellow Roonies.
00:14Today is the first day of the rest of your lives.
00:18With me.
00:20Hey, Hollywood. Tomorrow this time in the shower,
00:23use up all the hot water. It makes it really hard to shave.
00:30That's right, guys. I shave.
00:34Spread the word.
00:38Didn't bother me. I took a shower with the hose out front.
00:44Oh, come on. Like, the neighbors haven't seen that already.
00:54Um, what happened to my chair?
00:58Oh. Um, Parker broke out of her Joey's back when they were wrestling.
01:05Correction. He was wrestling. I was eating soup.
01:11You know, this is ridiculous.
01:13You shouldn't have to stand to eat your breakfast.
01:16Joey, get her a seat.
01:27Welcome home, Hollywood.
01:37I'm up with the sunshine.
01:40I'm laced up my hot dog.
01:42I'm wanting to stand down.
01:44Ready or not.
01:45Yeah, show me what you got.
01:48I'm under the spotlight.
01:51I say you come on and follow.
01:53You dance to your own beat.
01:55I'll sing the melody when you say yeah.
02:00I say no.
02:03When you say so.
02:05All I wanna do is go, go, go.
02:08You, you, you have the help of me.
02:11Me, the help of me.
02:13Me, you have to trust me.
02:17You, you, you have the help of me.
02:21Me, the help of me.
02:23Me, you, you, you, you, you.
02:25We both know.
02:27You're better in stereo.
02:3412-minute mile, Maddie.
02:35What happened?
02:36I ran, too.
02:39Thanks, Cassie.
02:40Personal best.
02:42Last time I walked because I did want to get a blister.
02:45But I ran this time because I was being chased by a squirrel.
02:50Look at you, Staines.
02:53School bus ran through a puddle and splashed me.
02:57Team E, everybody, grab some water.
03:00Hustle it up, Willow.
03:01Hustle up.
03:13Oh, my dogs have been barking at Sycamore Street.
03:19Oh, wait, were you guys using this?
03:23Okay, don't forget, team retreat in my house this weekend.
03:27Also, your votes are in.
03:30And the Ridgewood High Fighting Porcupines have themselves a new team captain.
03:37She's the first sophomore ever chosen, Maddie Rooney.
03:45Basketball is my life.
03:47And being named captain of the team was huge for me.
03:51And I might have played it cool in front of the girls on the team,
03:53but I also might have gone home and squealed in my closet.
03:59You're going to be a great captain, Maddie.
04:01Unless you're really bad and the whole team turns against you.
04:06While I was away, Maddie got to be really good friends with her basketball teammates.
04:11It's sweet girls, but they're all kind of like the before in a makeover show.
04:18What?
04:19It means they have potential.
04:26Uh, Principal Thickman, what are you doing?
04:30Is it Polly the Porcupine's birthday?
04:33It most certainly is not.
04:35Someone out there thinks it's a big hee-haw to keep dressing up the mascot
04:39while I'm neither hee-ing nor hawing.
04:46It's a travesty, sir.
04:49I've been making budget cuts and girls' basketball got hit hard.
04:53The good news is, I got you the new uniforms you requested.
05:01The bad news is that the boys' old uniforms, sweaty and unlaundered.
05:08No, we need new uniforms.
05:10We're going to a tournament in Chicago.
05:12Yeah, the Walter Wojciechowski Invitational.
05:15It took me three days to learn how to say it.
05:18I'm only funding things the student body cares about.
05:21People care about girls' basketball.
05:28Sure they do.
05:29And you keep telling yourself that.
05:33Principal Thickman, we're not going to let you treat us this way.
05:36Right, team?
05:40Well, if you'll excuse me, I promised Mother I'd be home in time for Wheel of Fortune.
05:48Principal Thickman.
05:49Yeah?
05:49Before you go, would you like a nice, cold glass of water?
05:59I would. Thank you.
06:07Refreshing.
06:08Yeah.
06:12Please tell me you still have athletes, but raging.
06:15Good girl.
06:22Hey, Joey.
06:26What are you doing with the tarantula?
06:28Her name is Sylvia, and she's the class bit.
06:32I'm taking care of them for the weekend.
06:34Them?
06:36Parker, I only see the one.
06:39Yeah.
06:40I already lost the other five when I let them out of the cage.
06:45What?
06:46Why would you let them out of their cage?
06:49Duh.
06:50To train them for the all-tarantula circus.
06:57Oh, it's got one.
06:59It's either Julie the trapeze artist or Bernardo.
07:03The sword swallower.
07:08One more to go.
07:10Oh, okay.
07:11Parker, that is mom.
07:12And you cannot tell her anything about this, okay?
07:15If she finds out that there are a bunch of spiders crawling around, she will freak out.
07:20Okay?
07:20Act natural.
07:22Oh, hi, boys.
07:24Listen.
07:26Maddie's basketball team is going to be here all weekend.
07:29Hey, hey, hey.
07:30Eyes on me.
07:33So this weekend, don't cause any trouble, okay?
07:38Trouble?
07:40Who do you think you're talking to, lady?
07:44M'lady?
07:45Mm-hmm.
07:49No one on the team had my back.
07:51It's just so...
07:53Frustral-pointing.
07:57That's not a real word, yet somehow I know exactly what it means.
08:02How do you do that?
08:04Oh, it's a gift.
08:07I don't know.
08:08Maybe I'm just not cut out to be captain.
08:10I have no idea what to do.
08:13I do.
08:14Please.
08:17You don't have a clue about basketball.
08:21Maddie, this is about leadership.
08:23On Sing It Loud.
08:28My cast was a team, and I led them through four critically acclaimed seasons of television.
08:33Want to know how I did it?
08:35No.
08:36Okay.
08:38There are five steps to leadership.
08:40One, grab their attention.
08:42Two, get them on the same page.
08:46Three, identify your goal.
08:48Four, lead them into battle.
08:50Four, and five, look great doing it.
08:54You know, if I imagine those words not coming out of your mouth, they actually kind of make sense.
09:01Okay.
09:03Step one, grab their attention.
09:06In Hollywood, they always say the best way to do that is by firing someone on your first day of
09:11work.
09:12Liz, I'm not firing any of my friends.
09:19Do I have to connect all the dots for you?
09:22I will join the team, and you can fire me for being terrible.
09:26The team will know you mean business if you are ruthless enough to crush your twin's fake dream.
09:33That's actually kind of brilliant.
09:36And I do love the idea of firing you.
09:44Listen up, lady porcupines.
09:47We have the tournament in Chicago in three weeks.
09:52This retreat is about coming together and becoming a real team.
09:57Yeah, that means if a girl puts herself out on the line, like, say, in front of the principal, you
10:06better back her up.
10:08So to get us started, I got us all team bracelets.
10:13God, you're back.
10:15Cool.
10:18Mine broke.
10:19You know what?
10:20It's okay.
10:21I have plenty extra.
10:22Had to buy, like, 500 to get the discount, so.
10:25How about some passing drills?
10:26Hold up, Dad.
10:27Yeah?
10:28One more thing.
10:29We have a new teammate.
10:31Great.
10:32Can she play center?
10:34We got no D if Willow goes down.
10:37Will doesn't go down!
10:42Please, everybody, welcome, all the way from Hollywood, Live Rudy!
10:57It is an honor to be nominated in the same category as these other very talented women.
11:08Okay.
11:10Welcome aboard, Liz.
11:15So, uh, Hollywood Big Shot, what position do you play?
11:23Oh, I'm usually the lead.
11:28Great job, team.
11:31Great job.
11:32Anybody need water?
11:33Oh.
11:36Dad, we seriously need a new water cooler.
11:39Not on the budget.
11:40Got some juice boxes in the garage.
11:43Captain's in charge.
11:45Okay.
11:45Everybody, let's start with some layups.
11:47Liv, you first.
11:48Catch.
11:49No.
11:50Sorry.
11:51I'm not touching that ball.
11:53It's heavy, and it's just such a boring color.
11:57I'm fine.
11:58Liv, being on this team requires hard work.
12:03And if you're not up for that, then maybe you're not cut out for this.
12:08Wait.
12:09Are you...
12:12kicking me off the team?
12:17I'm devastated.
12:20Devastated.
12:22Liv, I'm the captain.
12:23I've made my decision.
12:25Go.
12:27Attention officially grabbed.
12:29Step one's complete.
12:32I see.
12:35Don't cry for me, Lady Porcupine.
12:42I'll be all right.
12:45Somehow.
12:49You can't kick Liv off the team.
12:52I can't?
12:52She can't?
12:54Liv was right.
12:55Liv is terrible, but she'll learn.
12:58We all had to.
13:00She's our teammate now, and we have to back her up.
13:05Just like you said, man.
13:10I did say that, didn't I?
13:13Why did I say that?
13:18Okay.
13:20Liv, I guess you are back on the team.
13:27Yay!
13:30One, two, three, go Porcupine!
13:36Porcupine!
13:36Bye!
14:00Bitsy Bitsy Spine
14:04Line up the water spout
14:07Down came the rain
14:13Crashing your girl's sleepover?
14:15Not cool for us.
14:18Oh, she got us!
14:21Liv was trying to cause mischief.
14:25Great.
14:26Now I'm awake.
14:28I need a snack.
14:30Is it cool if you look at your sleeping bag while you're gone?
14:34I don't know what you're looking for,
14:37but I do know you look stupid doing it.
14:43Liv, what are you doing in here?
14:45Oh, I don't sleep in bags.
14:49So, listen, I'm sorry my plan kind of backfired
14:52and blew up in our faces today.
14:54Liv, what are you talking about?
14:56I mean, I know it didn't go the way we thought it would,
15:00but when I saw the team rally around you,
15:03I saw passion for the first time.
15:08Baboosh!
15:09We are now officially ready for step two.
15:11Remind me what step two is again.
15:14Getting the team on the same page.
15:16Perfect.
15:17First thing in a moment...
15:18Angela!
15:27Yes!
15:28Got another one!
15:30Joan, the troubled ringmaster from a broken home.
15:34Is it divorce?
15:36No, I literally stepped on her home.
15:44Okay, guys.
15:47Guys!
15:48You call these warm-ups?
15:49The first thing any opposing team is going to see from us
15:53is how we warm up, right?
15:56They need to know that we think as one,
16:00play as one,
16:01and win as one.
16:04We'll still go to the bathroom on our own, though, right?
16:16I want you all to reach deep into your soul
16:21and find your inner warrior.
16:25Who is she?
16:27What makes her so fierce?
16:30What accessories can we use to highlight
16:33all that fierceness?
16:37I have no clue what she's saying,
16:39but I'm listening because she seems confident
16:42and she carries a big stick.
16:50Take a moment.
16:54Close your eyes!
17:02I thought we were just going to learn new warm-ups.
17:07It's a process.
17:15Why are these dishes all covered in cobwebs?
17:21That's, uh...
17:22That's so weird!
17:25You wouldn't, uh...
17:26expect tarantulas here in Wisconsin?
17:32I'm glad you guys are here.
17:34You can help me serve lunch.
17:38It's beautiful.
17:42I'm feeding athletes.
17:43I went big.
17:45Here, help me take it outside.
17:46Parker, honey, can you open the door?
17:49Come and get it!
17:51Now, this is for the team,
17:53but don't worry.
17:54You boys get leftovers.
17:57Oh, oh, lunchtime!
17:59Let me get out of here!
18:01Ladies, come on!
18:02Grab at it!
18:03At least I'm gonna sit it down!
18:14Uh-oh.
18:16This was a two-day retreat.
18:21Yeah.
18:22And we've been working on some new warm-ups,
18:25so we want to show you.
18:26Oh!
18:27Blazes!
18:29Now, remember,
18:32find your inner warrior.
18:34Five, six,
18:36seven,
18:36eight!
18:37Oh!
18:38Oh!
18:40Oh!
18:43Oh!
18:44Oh!
18:46Oh!
18:47Oh!
18:50Oh!
18:53sacrifice, oh!
18:59Oh!
19:02He'd never say no.
19:06No!
19:10Now, if you'll excuse me,
19:12I have to finish barbecuing these exquisite steaks for the boys' team.
19:17They're having their retreat inside.
19:22Unacceptable.
19:23We can't go to the Ward-Jakowsky tournament in those uniforms you gave us.
19:27Oh, that is a problem.
19:29Um, I think I have a solution.
19:34You're not going to the tournament.
19:37What? You can't do that.
19:39I think I just did.
19:48Okay, guys, we were shut down by Thickman again.
19:51Now, that was a real kick to the stomach.
19:54But if he's not going to help us,
19:55we're not going to sit around and cry about it, am I right?
19:59We're going to help ourselves.
20:01Stains, would you come out here, please?
20:08This is what Principal Thickman thinks we're worth.
20:12Are we going to stand for this?
20:15Stains, catch.
20:20This is madness.
20:25I bet the boys don't worry about their pants falling off.
20:29Are we going to take this sitting down?
20:32Will doesn't go down!
20:33No!
20:37Attention, Lady Groundhogs.
20:40Um, we're the porcupines.
20:42Whatever.
20:45Cue music!
20:51Behold your future uniforms.
20:54The sporty sports short looks great on the court,
20:57or just sitting on the bench.
20:59That's me!
21:01I sit the bench!
21:03I'm going to look great!
21:08The B-ball tank is perfect for all that dribbly-drobbly-shooty stuff
21:11you girls love to do.
21:14Dunktastic, am I right?
21:16I want to get married in that.
21:20We need those uniforms.
21:22We can't let Thickman ruin Willow's wedding.
21:27And we have our common goal.
21:29Step three, achieved.
21:32We're all ears, Captain.
21:35How did we get them?
21:37This is how.
21:39We're going to raise money for those uniforms
21:41by selling these bracelets to the kids at school
21:44who do support us.
21:45Are you with me?
21:47Yeah!
21:48Are we going to tell Principal Thickman
21:49he can't push us around?
21:51Yeah!
21:52Does everyone want Stains to pull up her pants?
21:55Yeah!
21:56Yeah!
22:02Parker, what are you doing?
22:03Stop!
22:04Eating a cricket!
22:06To catch a tarantula,
22:07you have to eat like a tarantula.
22:10Okay.
22:11And where did you hear that?
22:13Oh, the man in my head.
22:15He comes up with all kinds of cool things.
22:18Okay, yeah.
22:19No, please.
22:20Carry on.
22:21Yeah!
22:22Put the bug down!
22:23What's going on?
22:26Okay, fine.
22:27I'm tired of the lies.
22:28I brought home tarantulas from school
22:31and they kind of, sort of, got out.
22:34There are gross, hairy tarantulas
22:37crawling around our house somewhere.
22:38Find them.
22:40Now.
22:41I know this is completely in my head,
22:44but I feel like I can feel them crawling all over me.
22:51What is it?
22:53Yes.
22:54We love you.
22:57I love you guys, too.
23:11Joke's on you, students.
23:13Mother's going to love this.
23:17Principal Tickman.
23:19Too late.
23:19I've got dibs.
23:23Okay.
23:25The girls' basketball team decided
23:27that we weren't going to wait for you
23:28to come through for us,
23:29so we took matters into our own hands.
23:31Are you with me, Ridgewood High?
23:34Yeah!
23:36Okay, what's going on?
23:37You're about to see steps four and five,
23:40marching in the battle and looking good doing it.
23:43Joey, cue my jam!
23:45Peace!
23:46Peace!
23:46Peace!
23:47Peace!
23:48Peace!
23:51Peace!
24:14Thanks for the loners, but we don't need these anymore.
24:18You said money only goes to the things the student body cares about.
24:22We'll look around.
24:25I said look!
24:29Yes!
24:30She meant look, please.
24:32We're working on manners.
24:36I hate to say it, but I have a new respect for you girls.
24:41Really hate to say it.
24:45Are you going to send us to the Wojtkowski tournament?
24:50I could find room in the budget for that.
24:56All right, make way, people.
24:57I've got to get to the yearbook folks
24:58and tell them I'm just going to print last year's edition again.
25:03Sorry, ninth graders.
25:05You lose.
25:10Wait.
25:12I'm a ninth grader.
25:13That was the best picture I've ever taken.
25:15Wait, please stop!
25:19Nice work.
25:20My porcupine quills feel a little sharper because of you, Captain.
25:27You really have to thank Liv.
25:31I can't believe I'm saying this,
25:33but you are the best teammate I've ever had.
25:37I mean, I never could have rallied the team without you.
25:40Manny, that's so sweet.
25:43We both know I'm quitting, though, right?
25:47I already cleaned out your fake locker.
25:52All right, fighting porcupines, let's bounce.
26:24Hey, Joey.
26:25Hey, Joey.
26:25It was fun hanging at your place this weekend.
26:28It's a cool sandwich you're eating.
26:33I am not eating a sandwich.
26:38I know, but when I practiced this moment at home, I imagined it going down at lunch.
26:44Okay, uh, so, what is happening?
26:55Do you heart me back?
27:02I'm not quite sure what to say.
27:06I didn't hear you.
27:08I didn't hear you.
27:08No, this man is my property.
27:11I'll own Joey Rooney, and I will crush anyone I catch looking at him.
27:17Does that make you feel protected and secure?
27:22Oddly, yes.
27:24Yes, it does.
27:26Goodbye, my little man.
27:34Goodbye, my little man.
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