00:03Parker, what do you want in your lunch? Apple or banana?
00:06Keep going until you get your cupcake.
00:11Good morning, fellow Roonies.
00:14Today is the first day of the rest of your lives.
00:18With me.
00:20Hey, Hollywood. Tomorrow this time in the shower,
00:23use up all the hot water. It makes it really hard to shave.
00:30That's right, guys. I shave.
00:34Spread the word.
00:38Didn't bother me. I took a shower with the hose out front.
00:44Oh, come on. Like, the neighbors haven't seen that already.
00:54Um, what happened to my chair?
00:58Oh. Um, Parker broke out of her Joey's back when they were wrestling.
01:05Correction. He was wrestling. I was eating soup.
01:11You know, this is ridiculous.
01:13You shouldn't have to stand to eat your breakfast.
01:16Joey, get her a seat.
01:27Welcome home, Hollywood.
01:37I'm up with the sunshine.
01:40I'm laced up my hot dog.
01:42I'm wanting to stand down.
01:44Ready or not.
01:45Yeah, show me what you got.
01:48I'm under the spotlight.
01:51I say you come on and follow.
01:53You dance to your own beat.
01:55I'll sing the melody when you say yeah.
02:00I say no when you say so.
02:05All I wanna do is go, go, go.
02:08You, you, you, you have the help of me.
02:11Me, the help of me.
02:13Me, the help of me.
02:15You have to trust me.
02:17You, you, you, you have the help of me.
02:21Me, the help of me.
02:23Me, the help of me.
02:27You, you, you, you, you, you.
02:28You better in stereo.
02:3412-minute mile, Maddie?
02:35What happened?
02:36I ran, too.
02:39Nice, Cassie.
02:40Personal best.
02:42Last time I walked because I did want to get a blister.
02:45But I ran this time because I was being chased by a squirrel.
02:50Look at you, Staines.
02:53School bus ran through a puddle and splashed me.
02:57Team E, everybody, grab some water.
03:00Hustle it up, Willow.
03:01Hustle it up.
03:04Oh.
03:14My dogs have been barking at Sycamore Street.
03:19Oh, wait, were you guys using this?
03:23Okay, don't forget.
03:25Team Retreat, my house this weekend.
03:27Also, your votes are in.
03:30And the Ridgewood High fighting porcupines have themselves a new team captain.
03:37She's the first sophomore ever chosen, Maddie Rooney.
03:45Basketball is my life.
03:47And being named captain of the team was huge for me.
03:51And I might have played it cool in front of the girls on the team, but I also might have
03:55gone home and squealed in my closet.
03:58You're going to be a great captain, Maddie.
04:01Unless you're really bad and the whole team turns against you.
04:06While I was away, Maddie got to be really good friends with her basketball teammates.
04:12Sweet girls, but they're all kind of like the before in a makeover show.
04:18What?
04:19It means they have potential.
04:26Uh, Principal Thickman, what are you doing?
04:30Is it Polly the Porcupine's birthday?
04:33It most certainly is not.
04:35Someone out there thinks it's a big hee-haw to keep dressing up the mascot while I'm neither heeing nor
04:41hawing.
04:46It's a travesty, sir.
04:49I've been making budget cuts and girls' basketball got hit hard.
04:54The good news is, I got you the new uniforms you requested.
05:01The bad news is that the boys' old uniforms, sweaty and unlaundered.
05:08No, we need new uniforms.
05:10We're going to a tournament in Chicago.
05:12Yeah, the Walter Wojciechowski Invitational.
05:15It took me three days to learn how to say it.
05:18I'm only funding things the student body cares about.
05:21People care about girls' basketball.
05:28Sure they do.
05:29And you keep telling yourself that.
05:33Principal Thickman, we're not going to let you treat us this way.
05:36Right, team?
05:38Right.
05:40Well, if you'll excuse me, I promised Mother I'd be home in time for Wheel of Fortune.
05:48Principal Thickman.
05:49Yeah?
05:49Before you go, would you like a nice, cold glass of water?
05:59I would.
06:07Refreshing.
06:08Yeah.
06:12Please tell me you still have athletes, but...
06:15Raging.
06:15Good girl.
06:16Good girl.
06:22Nice.
06:23Hey, Joey.
06:24Wow!
06:26Uh, what are you doing with the tarantula?
06:28Her name is Sylvia, and she's the class bet.
06:32I'm taking care of them for the weekend.
06:34Them?
06:35Huh?
06:36Parker, I only see the one.
06:39Yeah.
06:40I, uh, already lost the other five when I let them out of the cage.
06:45What?
06:46Oh, why would you let them out of their cage?
06:49Duh.
06:50To train them for the all-tarantula circus.
06:57Oh, it's got one.
06:59It's either Julie the trapeze artist or Bernardo, the sword swallower.
07:08Four more to go.
07:10Oh, okay, Parker, that is mom.
07:12And you cannot tell her anything about this, okay?
07:15If she finds out that there are a bunch of spiders crawling around, she will freak out.
07:20Okay, act natural.
07:22Oh, hi, boys.
07:24Listen.
07:26Maddie's basketball team is gonna be here all weekend.
07:29Hey, hey, hey.
07:30Eyes on me.
07:33So this weekend, don't cause any trouble, okay?
07:36Pfft, trouble.
07:39Who do you think you're talking to, lady?
07:44M'lady?
07:45Mm-hmm.
07:49No one on the team had my back.
07:51It's just so...
07:53Frustral-pointing.
07:56That's not a real word, yet somehow I know exactly what it means.
08:02How do you do that?
08:04Oh, it's a gift.
08:07I don't know.
08:08Maybe I'm just not cut out to be captain.
08:10I have no idea what to do.
08:13I do.
08:14Please.
08:17You don't have a clue about basketball.
08:21Maddie, this is about leadership.
08:23On Sing It Loud!
08:28My cast was a team, and I led them through four critically acclaimed seasons of television.
08:33Want to know how I did it?
08:34No.
08:36Okay.
08:38There are five steps to leadership.
08:40One, grab their attention.
08:43Two, get them on the same page.
08:46Three, identify your goal.
08:48Four, lead them into battle.
08:50And five, look great doing it.
08:54You know, if I imagine those words not coming out of your mouth, they actually kind of make sense.
09:03Step one.
09:04Grab their attention.
09:06In Hollywood, they always say the best way to do that is by firing someone on your first day of
09:11work.
09:12Wait, I'm not firing any of my friends.
09:19Do I have to connect all the dots for you?
09:22I will join the team, and you can fire me for being terrible.
09:26The team will know you mean business if you are ruthless enough to crush your twin's fake dream.
09:33That's actually kind of brilliant.
09:36And I do love the idea of firing you.
09:44Listen up, lady porcupines.
09:47We have the tournament in Chicago in three weeks.
09:52This retreat is about coming together and becoming a real team.
09:57Yeah, that means if a girl puts herself out on the line, like, say, in front of the principal, you
10:06better back her up.
10:08So to get us started, I got us all team bracelets.
10:13God, you're back.
10:15Cool.
10:18Mine broke.
10:19You know what?
10:20It's okay.
10:21I have plenty extra.
10:22Had to buy, like, 500 to get the discount, so.
10:25How about some passing drills?
10:26Hold up, Dad.
10:27Yeah?
10:28One more thing.
10:29We have a new teammate.
10:31Great.
10:32Can she play center?
10:34We got no D if Willow goes down.
10:37Will doesn't go down!
10:42Please, everybody, welcome, all the way from Hollywood, Live Rudy!
10:57It is an honor to be nominated in the same category as these other very talented women.
11:08Okay.
11:10Welcome aboard, Liz.
11:15So, uh, Hollywood Big Shot, what position do you play?
11:23Oh, I'm usually the lead.
11:28Great job, team.
11:31Great job.
11:32Anybody need water?
11:33Oh.
11:36Dad, we seriously need a new water cooler.
11:39Not on the budget.
11:40Got some juice boxes in the garage.
11:43Captain's in charge.
11:45Okay.
11:45Everybody, let's start with some layups.
11:47Liv, you first.
11:48Catch.
11:49No.
11:50Sorry.
11:51I'm not touching that ball.
11:53It's heavy, and it's just such a boring color.
11:57I'm fine.
11:58Liv, being on this team requires hard work.
12:03And if you're not up for that, then maybe you're not cut out for this.
12:08Wait.
12:09Are you...
12:12kicking me off the team?
12:17I'm devastated.
12:20Devastated.
12:22Liv, I'm the captain.
12:23I've made my decision.
12:25Go.
12:27Attention officially grabbed.
12:29Step one's complete.
12:32I see.
12:35Don't cry for me, Lady Porcupines.
12:42I'll be all right.
12:45Somehow.
12:49You can't kick Liv off the team.
12:52I can't.
12:52She can't?
12:54Liv was right.
12:55Liv is terrible, but she'll learn.
12:58We all had to.
13:00She's our teammate now.
13:02We have to back her up.
13:04Just like you said, man.
13:10I did say that, didn't I?
13:13Why did I say that?
13:19Okay.
13:21Liv, I guess you are back on the team.
13:27Yay!
13:30One, two, three, go!
13:34Porcupine!
13:36Porcupine!
13:37Porcupine!
13:41Porcupine!
13:42Porcupine!
13:42Porcupine!
13:43Porcupine!
13:45Porcupine!
13:47Porcupine!
13:49Porcupine!
13:51Porcupine!
13:53Porcupine!
13:55Porcupine!
13:56Porcupine!
13:57Porcupine!
13:57Porcupine!
13:57Porcupine!
14:00Bitsy, bitsy spot
14:04Line up through a long spell
14:09Down came the rain
14:13Crashing your girl's sleepover?
14:15Not cool for us
14:18Oh, she got us
14:20We was trying to cause mischief
14:25Great, now I'm awake
14:27I need a snack
14:30Is it cool if you look in your sleeping bag while you're gone?
14:35I don't know what you're looking for
14:37But I do know you look stupid doing it
14:43Liv, what are you doing in here?
14:45Oh, I don't sleep in bags
14:50Silverstone, I'm sorry my plan kind of backfired
14:52And blew up in our faces today
14:54Liv, what are you talking about?
14:56I mean, I know it didn't go the way we thought it would
14:59But when I saw the team rally around you
15:02I saw passion for the first time
15:08Baboosh, we are now officially ready for step two
15:12Remind me what step two is again
15:14Getting the team on the same page
15:15Perfect
15:16First thing in a moment
15:18Angela!
15:26Yes!
15:28Got another one
15:29Joan, the troubled ringmaster from a broken home
15:33Is it divorce?
15:36No, I literally stepped on her home
15:44Okay, guys
15:46Guys, you call these warm-ups?
15:49The first thing any opposing team is gonna see from us
15:53Is how we warm up, right?
15:56They need to know that we think as one
15:59Play as one
16:01And win as one
16:04We'll still go to the bathroom on our own, though, right?
16:16I want you all to reach deep into your soul
16:22And find your inner warrior
16:25Who is she?
16:27What makes her so fierce?
16:30What accessories can we use to highlight
16:33All that fierceness?
16:37I have no clue what she's saying
16:39But I'm listening because she seems confident
16:42And she carries a big stick
16:50Take a moment
16:54Close your eyes
17:02I thought we were just gonna learn new warm-ups
17:07It's a process
17:15Why are these dishes all covered in cobwebs?
17:20That's, uh
17:22That's so weird
17:25You wouldn't, uh
17:26Expect tarantulas here in Wisconsin?
17:32I'm glad you guys are here
17:34You can help me serve lunch
17:38It's beautiful
17:42I'm feeding athletes
17:43I went big
17:44Here, help me take it outside
17:46Parker, honey, can you open the door?
17:49Come and get it
17:51Now, this is for the team
17:53But don't worry
17:54You boys get leftovers
17:57Oh, oh, lunchtime
17:59Let me get out
18:00Please, don't grab that
18:03At least I'm gonna sit it down
18:16Oh, this was a two-day retreat
18:21Yeah
18:22And we've been working on some new warm-ups
18:25So we want to show you
18:26Oh, blazes
18:29Now remember
18:30Find your inner warrior
18:33Five, six, seven, eight
18:53That was amazing
18:59If Thickman could see you now
19:02Now he'd never say no
19:04No
19:09Now, if you'll excuse me
19:12I have to finish barbecuing these exquisite steaks for the boys' team
19:17They're having their retreat inside
19:22Unacceptable
19:22We can't go to the War Tchaikovsky tournament in those uniforms you gave us
19:27Oh, that is a problem
19:29But I think I have a solution
19:34You're not going to the tournament
19:36What?
19:37You can't do that
19:40I think I just did
19:45Okay, guys
19:49We were shut down by Thickman again
19:51Now that was a real kick to the stomach
19:54But if he's not going to help us
19:55We're not going to sit around and cry about it
19:57Am I right?
19:59We're going to help ourselves
20:01Staines, would you come out of here, please?
20:08This is what Principal Thickman thinks we're worth
20:11Are we going to stand for this?
20:15Staines, cash
20:20This is madness
20:25I bet the boys don't worry about their pants falling off
20:29Are we going to take this sitting down?
20:31Will doesn't go down!
20:33No!
20:37Attention, Lady Groundhogs
20:40Um, we're the porcupines
20:42Whatever
20:45Cue music
20:51Behold your future uniforms
20:54The sporty sport short looks great on the court
20:57Or just sitting on the bench
20:59That's me!
21:00I sit the bench
21:02I'm going to look great
21:08The b-ball tank is perfect for all that dribbly-jobbly-shooty stuff you girls love to do
21:14Dunk-tastic, am I right?
21:16I want to get married in that
21:20We need those uniforms
21:22We can't let Thickman ruin Willow's wedding
21:26And we have our common goal
21:29Step three
21:30Achieved
21:32We're all ears, Captain
21:34How did we get them?
21:37This is how
21:38We're going to raise money for those uniforms
21:41By selling these bracelets
21:43To the kids at school
21:44Who do support us
21:45Are you with me?
21:47Yeah!
21:48Are we going to tell Principal Thickman
21:49He can't push us around?
21:51Yeah!
21:52Does everyone want Stains to pull up her pants?
21:55Yeah!
22:02Parker, what are you doing?
22:03Stop!
22:04Beating a cricket
22:06To catch a tarantula
22:07You have to eat like a tarantula
22:10Okay
22:11And where did you hear that?
22:13Oh, the man in my head
22:15He comes up with all kinds of cool things
22:18Okay, yeah
22:19No, please
22:20Carry on
22:21No!
22:22Put the bug down!
22:23What's going on?
22:26Okay, fine
22:27I'm tired of the lies
22:28I brought home tarantulas from school
22:31And they kind of sort of got out
22:33There are gross, hairy tarantulas
22:37Crawling around our house
22:38Somewhere
22:38Find them
22:39Now!
22:41I know this is completely in my head
22:44But I feel like I can feel them
22:46Crawling all over me
22:51What is it?
22:53Yes
22:54We love you
22:57I love you guys too
23:11Joke's on you, students
23:13Mother's going to love this
23:18Principal Tickman
23:19Too late
23:19I've got dibs
23:23Okay
23:25The girls' basketball team decided that we weren't going to wait for you to come through for us
23:29So we took matters into our own hands
23:31Are you with me, Ridgewood High?
23:34Yeah!
23:36Okay, what's going on?
23:37You're about to see steps four and five
23:40Marching into battle and looking good doing it
23:42Joey, cue my jam!
23:45Peace!
23:46Peace!
23:52Peace!
23:54Peace!
23:55Peace!
24:14Thanks for the loners, but we don't need these anymore
24:18You said money only goes to the things the student body cares about
24:22We'll look around
24:25I said look!
24:29Yes
24:29She meant look, please
24:33We're working on manners
24:36I hate to say it, but I have a new respect for you girls
24:41Really hate to say it
24:45Are you going to send us to the Wojtkowski tournament?
24:50I could find room in the budget for that
24:56All right, make way, people
24:57I've got to get to the yearbook folks
24:58And tell them I'm just going to print last year's edition again
25:03Sorry, ninth graders
25:05You lose
25:10Wait
25:12I'm a ninth grader
25:13That was the best picture I've ever taken
25:15Wait, please
25:19Nice work
25:20My porcupine quills feel a little sharper because of you, Captain
25:27We really have to thank Liv
25:31I can't believe I'm saying this, but you are the best teammate I've ever had
25:37I mean, I never could have rallied the team without you
25:40Manny, that's so sweet
25:43We both know I'm quitting, though, right?
25:47I already cleaned out your fake locker
25:52All right, fighting porcupines
25:54Let's bounce
26:23Hey, Joey
26:24It was fun hanging at your place this weekend
26:28It's a cool sandwich you're eating
26:33I am not eating a sandwich
26:37I know, but when I practiced this moment at home, I imagined it going down at lunch
26:44Okay
26:45Uh, so
26:48What
26:50Is happening
26:53I heart you
26:56Do you now?
26:59Do you heart me back?
27:03Not quite sure what to say
27:06I didn't hear you know
27:08This man is my property
27:11I'll own Joey Rooney
27:13And I will crush
27:14Anyone I touch looking at him
27:17Does that make you feel protected and secure?
27:22Oddly, yes
27:23Yes, it does
27:26Goodbye, my little man
27:29Goodbye, my little man
27:30Goodbye, my little man
27:36Goodbye, my little man
27:37Goodbye, my little man
27:40Goodbye, my little man
27:40Goodbye, my little man
27:41Goodbye, my little man
27:42Goodbye, my little man
27:42Goodbye, my little man
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