- 5 hours ago
- #bait
#Bait S01E03 [Full Movie] [Ranked]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:06You
00:24Packy
00:42I hear that. I really do. It's just really not a good day to me because it's Eid, so I've
00:46got to stick with family.
00:46Okay. Well, you could have stuck with the family yesterday, but now you've got to deal with the shitstorm you
00:50created.
00:50Is it really that bad? A lot of people seem to like the whole action and ritual.
00:55I reckon it will help them visualize me as Bond.
00:57Oh, okay. Well, there is a lot of chatter. Some people think you're a tough guy. Other people think you're
01:00insane.
01:01This could cost you the role. Oh, fuck.
01:06Saju, what happened to you once again?
01:09Mommy, have you met Felicia?
01:10This is the team.
01:11Oh, this is your agent.
01:16Remember I said wait in the car and I'm going to get the sweetest.
01:19Don't give me a ticket because Felicia, what's going on?
01:23Same as you, just babysitting Bond.
01:25Oh, that horny auntie's waiting for you.
01:27You're a disgrace.
01:28Felicia, you're going to get him the job, yes.
01:31If it kills me.
01:33My Shahjee's just perfect for the job. I'll tell you why.
01:35Okay.
01:35When he was a little boy, he used to say,
01:37Mama, I want a license to kill. Remember, Shahjee?
01:41Oh, how specific?
01:42I don't remember that.
01:43Oh, look, he's got the military.
01:46I'll just be a minute, okay?
01:47Bye-bye, Felicia.
01:48Bye, Felicia.
01:54I'm sorry. You are a black lady.
01:58I know.
02:01What the fuck is this?
02:03You told me.
02:10Oh, you know what? I can't get into this right now.
02:12Okay, listen, none of this matters, okay?
02:15No one reads the fucking news.
02:17However, this is a big problem.
02:20The person you assaulted, you broke his arm,
02:22and now he wants an apology.
02:24Sid said he was going for the giant Buddha's head,
02:26but now he's coming for you with 200,000 followers
02:29and counting young and brown your core fan base.
02:32Assaulted?
02:33This man ran at me with a metal object, Felicia.
02:36It was a can of spray paint, Shahjee.
02:38Yeah, in hindsight.
02:39I mean, the worst he could have done was tag you.
02:41Okay, fine. Just give him his apology.
02:42Okay, good.
02:43All right, so how are you going to do?
02:44Oh, no, you have to apologize.
02:47On a video by end of day, or he's pressing charges.
02:49Listen, it's Ian, so I've got to stick with the family.
02:52My mum usually hosts, but I fucked that up this time.
02:54That's on me.
02:55So I can't be dealing with this.
02:56I have to be with the fan today.
02:58I have to make it right.
02:58This is about your career, Shah.
03:00Your credibility in your community
03:02for the people that you say you're doing all of this for.
03:05Do you want more followers of me?
03:10Shah!
03:12Shah Latif here.
03:14Eve Mubarak to everyone celebrating.
03:15I want to address the incident at the King's Museum last night.
03:19You might have heard about it or seen it.
03:21Well, I lived it.
03:23And I want you to know that in that moment,
03:24I wasn't thinking at all.
03:26I was acting out of sheer instinct.
03:30Community is the most important thing in the world to me.
03:33And I would never take it for granted.
03:36And there's nothing more painful to me
03:38than to know that I might have hurt a member of my own community.
03:41and to know that I might have betrayed your trust in some way
03:44hurts me deeply.
03:46You good, yeah?
03:47Yeah, I'm good.
03:50So you've come to visit us lowly villagers.
03:55Oxford educated.
03:56But no sense.
03:58Why did you attack that young man?
03:59Don't listen to him.
04:01Come.
04:01Let's take a selfie.
04:03And I want you to know
04:04that I'm going to do everything in my power
04:06to make up for it
04:07and to make it rightful.
04:09Right?
04:10Should have won black.
04:12Hmm?
04:13It would go better with the animal bitches' gold palace.
04:17Hmm?
04:18Eve is my day.
04:19It belongs to all Muslims.
04:21Mummy.
04:21It's mine.
04:22And she took it.
04:23Oh.
04:23You know one thing she doesn't have?
04:25What?
04:27Hassan.
04:29Salim.
04:30You golden boy.
04:31I stood to buy a big shot.
04:33Always trying to compete with you.
04:35Bad shot.
04:36Probably getting a Russian prostitute pregnant this second.
04:38Don't talk filthy.
04:42Orbita?
04:44She doesn't have her main attraction.
04:46You and me can be the stars of the show.
04:48We just...
04:50Come on.
04:51You worried about what Naughty Naila thinks?
04:53Mangi Naila.
04:54Mangi Naila.
04:55Oh, my God.
04:56Thank you, Naila.
04:57And she always shows skin because she's got no style.
05:01Look, where is she?
05:01She's probably too busy checking herself out in the mirror
05:04to come host her own party.
05:05Eve is my body.
05:06Oh, you're such a beautiful woman.
05:09Thank you so much for having me.
05:15Mmm.
05:19Samina?
05:20Eve is my body.
05:23I'm so happy you could come.
05:25So we've decided to co-host this year.
05:27His brother, you've done a great job, Tahira.
05:30But you know Naughty Naila, how is she?
05:32She doesn't manage her.
05:33She doesn't have to do anything.
05:34I'm not going to do decoration.
05:35I'm going to put her in the penthouse.
05:38I'm going to put her in the penthouse.
05:39The Bible is very nice.
05:40This is a blessing.
05:41Can you eat a garden?
05:42Please, eat.
05:43Eid Mubarak.
05:45Eid Mubarak.
05:46Eid Mubarak.
05:56Eid Mubarak.
05:57Eid Mubarak.
05:59What the fuck?
06:01Seed, no?
06:03Insane seat.
06:04Now he has passed, you're the eldest.
06:06No, thank you. I'm fine standing.
06:09Baba, go you a favor.
06:11Don't tell mommy, yeah?
06:12Is that how you're going to kill us, Bond?
06:13By raising the blood sugar?
06:16Yeah, I'll mention that to the writers.
06:19I'm letting go.
06:22Maybe, yeah, maybe.
06:23Why don't you do a Pakistani film?
06:24Something with my food in it.
06:26No, no, I'll mention that.
06:34Hey, I'm kind of fucked right now.
06:36I know.
06:43Sure, good first try, good first try.
06:46But I'm going to need you to do another apology video.
06:49First, you forgot to say the words, I'm sorry.
06:51Which is kind of key to the whole thing.
06:53He's buff, right?
06:54Huh?
06:55Keith says he's gone mental.
06:56Yeah, it's fucking hot.
06:58Sorry, can you mum focus, please?
07:00This is the latest.
07:02Well, this guy likes you.
07:05Hmm.
07:07Also, the whole Aladdin outfit and the Bollywood sweet shop is their community like ten times.
07:13It feels like you're begging it.
07:15Maybe down the brow.
07:16I don't get it.
07:17I don't get it.
07:17What is a problem?
07:18I like you.
07:19I'm 22, mate.
07:21What were you trying to get wife-ed up?
07:22Get it to me sooner rather than later.
07:25This is not going away.
07:27Hi, everyone.
07:28Shah Latif here.
07:30Now, last night at the King's Museum, a brother and I came into conflict.
07:34Now, I should not have reacted the way that I did.
07:37And the brother in question perhaps should not have run at me with a metal object the way that he
07:43did.
07:44Nuba is a community-led...
07:46It's not fucking community-led.
07:48The fact is, we're all in this together.
07:50And in the future, I promise to use my platform not to lash out, but to reach out.
07:57Bro.
07:57Nuba is for...
07:59Yeah.
08:00You want some chai or something?
08:02No.
08:03Nuba...
08:04Bro, we good?
08:05I'm good, are you good?
08:06Yeah, I'm good, bro, we good.
08:07I'm good, are you good?
08:09Yeah, I'm good.
08:09I'm good then.
08:11Nuba, not Nuba.
08:12What are you doing?
08:12I'm trying to focus, man.
08:14You are distracting me.
08:15Oh, yeah?
08:16Yes.
08:17Yo, they've got them little laddus over there with the pink and green balls on them.
08:19You want them?
08:20Big man, please.
08:21I don't want laddus right now, okay?
08:22I just want to concentrate.
08:24Aren't you supposed to be holding it on his hand?
08:26Oh, yeah.
08:27Shit.
08:28In a bit, yeah?
08:29Don't bring me no laddus.
08:31Before that...
08:33Need the bacon.
08:38Here I go.
08:39It's only gone.
08:39It's only gone.
08:40Where have you been?
08:41I've just been checking on Baba and Zofi.
08:44Bastard.
08:44You promised you're not going to leave me.
08:46So if I just die standing here alone...
08:48Please.
08:49Please don't do this now.
08:50You left me.
08:51I'm sorry.
08:52I'll make it up to you.
08:52My name!
08:53Salim!
08:53My name is Salim.
08:59My name is Salim.
09:00Salim!
09:01My child!
09:05Salim!
09:11Salim!
09:18Salim!
09:28Salim!
09:39Ai-as-as-
09:42it is pregnant look no he's not mommy that was a joke that i just made oh look at that
09:48fresh
09:48spray zulfi weakest of us all yeah i'm good man i'm good you know don't leave shaju she's coming
09:55don't leave can i borrow your money for a minute i need my co-host in the kitchen okay we're
10:01just
10:01gonna okay okay no no let's go let's go let's go let's go let's go our kpi is the most
10:09interesting
10:09thing about this okay yes it's the retention of the customer base after that discount period you
10:13know it's off the charts people want more community driven rideshare option yes salim yes what are you
10:19saying bro yes look at this guy you good yeah come join us man join us i was gonna do
10:24that anyway
10:25yeah i got you some loaders bro thank you thank you so i never got your number how you been
10:29i've been
10:30good bro yeah you've been breaking what do you mean by that glass ceilings thank you trying man trying
10:38you know and that guy's arm it's just a fracture hey just to bring this back to what we're talking
10:43about before you got here yeah um you know our number of drivers are growing by the day we'll be
10:48in all key five bars by june so muba sick idea innit i've been there from day one i remember
10:53bro i'm so
10:54proud of this guy gusman is so proud and you know what's amazing he's always been an entrepreneur
10:57if anything he just went from selling grams to instagram
11:05just out of interest what was the what's your credit situation with the criminal record and
11:09everything no no problems whatsoever no issues and and just for clarity um i didn't go inside for
11:15selling mall it's not just five bit of island disorder it was your self-defense it was in a way
11:20he's a ride or die and he was there for me any credit issues though no credit issues because i'm
11:24going
11:24all in with everything that i've got right so if you need any credit you need financing just talk to
11:29me
11:30sorry just i was done the impression we were coming in seed round rather than source series a
11:34see this conversation here this is in fact the closest he's been to the business
11:40right and in fact it's too close okay give me back my dildos then
11:47uh you know for me personally the most important quality about muba is in fact the quality of the
11:53relationships we're not just there for them when we want because that's bullshit that's fake
12:00get the fuck off me bro i don't know
12:05and anyway i've always had a passion for customer services it's my thing that's one thing i picked up
12:09in dubai that's what we do best hospitality that's our culture one might say the muslim way of doing
12:15business i love the idea i'm gonna present it to the guys see what they say well you're taking this
12:21you're trying to get investment from dubai yeah okay yeah you're good no no i'm just saying you
12:30know dubai works for people with you know all like with the but i mean what the fuck's this guy
12:34gonna do
12:35in dubai but i ain't gonna let you in bro you don't want to go there mate i'm all in
12:38yeah remember that
12:43he was disrespectful he referred to your quiff like that there was no need
12:47they lose good
12:48shah got your second apology yeah that's not gonna work first of all what was up with that
12:53background if you post that you'll have to issue a second apology for being a rich arsehole also you
12:59forgot to say sorry again
13:00what the first class in tazam kia naila
13:06next year you read this back at yours no no absolutely yes very kind of you to step in this
13:31i see a bit of your sister in him
13:42i see a bit of your sister in tazam kia naila
13:44does shajan have someone you can talk to he has me rukaiya had you too but she needed more help
13:51nah but bichariya any go dekho she doesn't know anything she was i love please
13:57it's all good my son is going to be the next james bond we all couldn't be more proud
14:07it's okay to talk about these struggles now really
14:12thank you it's all good it's first class
14:32it's
14:49it's
14:50it
14:51kya shah latif israeli jasus
15:12Shah, we need that apology, we're running out of time, I've literally written it out
15:17for you, just find a quiet neutral room, record it and send it back now before it's too
15:22fucking late, okay?
15:28For fuck's sake.
15:47Am I interacting, Sammy?
15:51Yeah, a conversation. Can you fucking close the door please? Thank you.
15:57Is this like, you two? I like her. Texting. Wow.
16:02So how long has this been going on? Six months. Three months? Okay, so this is nothing.
16:07Can we please not do this in front of Shah? I'm chill, I'm not going to tell anyone.
16:10Why did I come here? Can we not do this in front of Shah? I came here for you.
16:13But I never asked you to, did I? But I asked me to. I never, calm down. I never fucking
16:18asked you to. And this, this whole thing you're doing here, this is what I'm talking about,
16:21this is the whole problem. So just to clarify, you didn't come in to see Zilfie then for the
16:23thing? No. Yes. Does he know by the way? Oh, fuck's sake. Well, yeah, he's going to find
16:28out now, isn't he? I'm not going to say anything. I've got your back. I've got your back.
16:32Look, we don't have to tell anyone, but let's just be real about what this is, because this
16:36is, this is something, right? Me and you both know it. What does that even mean, bro? You
16:42live a million miles away, okay? You have a whole life, you have fucking house keys, car
16:48keys, so, so many keys, okay? I have one key. I can give you keys. I don't want your keys,
16:53okay? I want mine. Yo, can I just step in here for a minute, offer maybe a different perspective
16:56from my own more mature experience, yeah? I want an honest answer from both of you.
17:01Okay? Alright? Alright. Now, let's say, let's say you've been texting. There's some emotional
17:08ambiguity about where you both stand. Alright? Yeah? You can relate, right? You send a message,
17:14a heartfelt one. Instead of it going green, it goes grey. What does that mean to you?
17:21It means you're blocked. Fuck off, really. Yeah. Let me just show you this. Okay, I'm going
17:28to ask you to leave now. Yes, yes, quickly. No, no, no. Oi? Don't say anything to anyone.
17:33I'm chill. Salim, yeah? He's not fucking chill.
17:41Come on.
17:48With Sai gone, who will lead the prayer? Pasha? Okay. Well, he resides beautifully, but I think
17:54I should lead. How will you? Seated? I won't be seated. Well where's, boy, think about it.
17:59You're too. Let someone else lead. Listen you ass-wipes, I can run circles around you idiots.
18:05I will lead.
18:13By so desperately pursuing the role of Bond,
18:16an icon of the white establishment,
18:18Shah Latifah is exchanging his political art
18:20for vanilla distraction.
18:22And so he joins a long line of brown men
18:24who think that by becoming our oppressor,
18:26he's somehow liberating all of us.
18:28And he puts a filter on his IMDb pic to look more white.
18:42Come on.
18:43Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar.
18:45La ilaha illa Allah.
18:48Allahu Akbar.
18:53Hey, Shah Latifah here.
18:56I was involved in an incident last night
18:58at the King's Museum that was both unfortunate
19:00and avoidable, and I'm deeply sorry.
19:03Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, you fucking thing.
19:07Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
19:10Alhamdulillahi Rabbil Alameen.
19:11Shah Latifah here.
19:12Last night at the King's Museum,
19:14I fucked up a guy running at me with a metal object,
19:17and apparently I'm the one who has to apologize.
19:19Allah, Allah, Allah.
19:21Allah, Allah.
19:24Allahu Akbar.
19:24Hi, Shah Latifah here.
19:26Literally nothing to apologize for.
19:28Trying to save my career and my life.
19:30So fuck you and your little TikTok,
19:32you little...
19:38Samyallah, Uleman Hamidah.
19:49Samyallah, Uleman Hamidah.
20:04Hello?
20:07Yeah, hi, is this Sid?
20:09Uh, yeah.
20:10Hi.
20:11Hi, this is Shah Latif.
20:13Is it?
20:15Actually.
20:15Yeah, it is actually.
20:16Bro, I just want to say,
20:18I am so, so sorry for what happened yesterday.
20:24No excuses.
20:25I was bang out of order.
20:29I just don't know what came over me.
20:31I really hope you can find it in your heart to...
20:35Please forgive me.
20:36Yo, man.
20:37I appreciate this, man.
20:40Like, I really do.
20:40I was going to call my lawyers,
20:43but then the fact you called, man.
20:45Oh, bro, he's been eating me up the whole day.
20:47I can't tell you how much this means, man.
20:49Legit.
20:53Well...
20:53Do you mind just sending me what you just said?
20:56Like, in a recording?
20:59Sorry?
21:00I need the engagement, bro.
21:02Right.
21:03I mean, I...
21:04I guess so.
21:05Nice, Ryan.
21:06Appreciate it.
21:07All right.
21:07Oh, and thanks for the follow, mate.
21:08Just remember,
21:10keep the vid under 90 for the algorithm, yeah?
21:14Mm-hmm.
21:14I will do.
21:15All right.
21:16See you.
21:16See you.
21:19See you.
21:19See you.
21:29What is this?
21:30What is this?
21:32What is this?
21:32What is this?
21:33Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
21:34What's this?
21:35Yeah, what?
21:36Are you all right?
21:37Yeah.
21:37What happened?
21:37He fell.
21:39Why was I praying on a chair already?
21:41Oh, you want to sit down?
21:42Come.
21:43Easy, easy.
21:44How about how's your breathing, okay?
21:46You okay?
21:47Huh?
21:47Why didn't you sit him down?
21:48But now you want to be involved.
21:49What the fuck's that supposed to be?
21:50I'm doing something inside.
21:51You for yourself.
21:51Don't come at me.
21:52You always fucking want to be the hero
21:54and you're never around.
21:54All right.
21:55Come down, mate.
21:57Baba, do you get?
21:58Is anyone getting any water?
21:59Yeah.
22:00I'm glad you want to get a blanket or something.
22:04What?
22:05Are you good, bro?
22:07Bro, are you good?
22:08Are you dumb?
22:10He's a fucking diabetic and you're giving him boxes of sweets.
22:14Shabbat, bit up.
22:14All right, all right.
22:15Shabbat, just fuck off again, yeah?
22:16You better when I'm not around, that's what you're saying.
22:18No, no, he's not my dad, he's your dad.
22:19What?
22:20Huh?
22:20Shabbat, you know what?
22:22You think you're a fucking bad man, yeah?
22:24How?
22:24Fucking, yeah, my people is my bad.
22:26How the fuck are you going to help your people
22:27if you're too busy sucking white people's dicks?
22:29Yeah, I'm all right.
22:31It's okay with me.
22:31He's just crying about it last night, bro.
22:33What?
22:33You came in to take care of me.
22:34You came for a free fucking meal, bro.
22:35I saw you giving out your little business cards.
22:37That's some sweating old minicap driver, bro.
22:38Allow it, allow it, bro.
22:39He's a leech, man.
22:40He's been leeching off me my whole life.
22:42What are you now trying to leech off this dickhead?
22:44Bro, he doesn't care about your shitty ideas.
22:46He's trying to chirp your little sister.
22:47What?
22:48Only chertzing.
22:49I love her.
22:50All right, what the fuck, man?
22:51Are you fucking, are you mad?
22:53Listen, don't listen to him.
22:54He's lost the fucking plot.
22:55He's been chatting to a pig's head in the freezer.
22:56What?
22:57What freezer?
22:57In the garage and he's been talking to it.
22:59You sure you're talking to a pig's head?
23:00What if I have?
23:01What?
23:01What if I have?
23:02What if I have?
23:02Better listener than any of you lot.
23:03Well, that's what happens when you're related to you guys.
23:05I'm not the first family member to lose my mind.
23:07Hey, it's not.
23:10Chalo, Shahjoo.
23:13Why are you saying it?
23:14Why are you saying it to me?
23:15No, no, I'm asking.
23:16Why is he saying that to me?
23:17Baba, what did I do?
23:18What did I do?
23:18I'm trying to fucking make a difference.
23:19I'm not just sat there fucking complaining about everything.
23:22Well, you lot will judge me.
23:23Huh?
23:23Why are you fucking touching me?
23:25Don't touch me.
23:25Shh.
23:26I'm trying to change the world.
23:27All right?
23:28So anyone doesn't look at you and think you're some fucking worthless thinking.
23:32Bitch, Becky, look at me.
23:33Get the fuck out of here before I spot you.
23:35I've got a problem, am I?
23:36She blames you for what happened to your mom, bro.
23:38Shut up!
23:38I've got a problem, am I?
24:02I'm not.
24:03I'm not.
24:07I'm not.
24:08I love you
24:15I love you
24:20Two people
24:22I love you
24:25One is my name
24:28One is my name
24:29One is my name
24:30I love you
24:32I love you
24:37I love you
24:38I love you
24:40But I love you
24:44But I love you
24:44But I love you
24:45One is my name
24:46I love you
24:50Your name
24:52Your name
24:57Oh
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