- 14 minutes ago
Evil Lives Here - Season 19 - Episode 06
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:04when I got your call I was kind of struck I just kind of felt like maybe this is something
00:13I should
00:14venture out into and see what comes of it it's been a roller coaster I mean I have my ups
00:24and
00:24my downs you know there's the breakthroughs and then I'm like you know thank you Jesus you helped
00:28me get through this and then there's times where it's like I don't even understand why I'm going
00:32through this much pain and why I still hurt so bad there's days that I'm crippled my mom has always
00:49had homicidal tendencies and she has just taken a lifetime to actually finish the job I didn't know
00:59what to do because I wasn't present I wasn't a witness but I knew my mother I knew she had
01:07this
01:07history of attempted murder I knew what she did to me and
01:26sorry I just knew she did something
01:37so
02:17So this is my mom.
02:20I see a beautiful woman that had the potential to have a really good life, and she made some bad
02:29choices.
02:30I saw the good side. I saw the bad side.
02:33When she was good, she was remarkable. She was wonderful.
02:37When she was bad, she was horrible.
02:40The eyes are a window into the soul.
02:43There's no emotion in those eyes when you look in this photo.
02:50My mom was a very good pretender.
02:52She was pretending things were okay, and even though she was about to go to trial over attempted murder.
03:17I was approaching eight, and my bike was very small.
03:22And I had asked for a bicycle almost every single day, right up till Christmas.
03:28I wanted to ride and just be a kid and ride around and see my friends and go to the
03:33park.
03:34I woke up, and I was one of the first ones in the living room, and there was two bicycles.
03:42I was hoping that one of them was mine, and my mom kind of laughed at me and said that
03:48it wasn't mine
03:48because they're obviously boy bikes and not for me.
03:56When everybody got their gifts and my brothers were all excited, I cried.
04:01My brothers did not ask for a bike that Christmas.
04:04I was the one that asked.
04:05You would have to be intentionally spiteful, trying to cause somebody some kind of pain when that's all they've asked
04:13for.
04:15I asked my mom about the bike, and she just basically said she didn't have the money.
04:20But you have the money to buy them a bike.
04:24I think it was very obvious how much I was hurt by that moment, and she didn't care.
04:34She showed me she didn't care because she never did buy me the bike.
04:40There was never really a true, healthy relationship with my mother.
04:45I can say that I've never had that.
04:49I always felt like I was chasing after something I couldn't have.
05:09You open the fridge, and you think you're going to make yourself some eggs and toast, and you see there's
05:14no eggs, there's no toast.
05:16And then you're like, well, let me go over here and see if there's any cereal, and then you see
05:19there's no cereal.
05:21The fridge would be empty except for a big thing of spaghetti or goulash or something.
05:28She honestly didn't care, and she said, well, that's what there is, and you'll either eat it or you'll go
05:33without.
05:33And so a lot of times I went without.
05:39I was hungry.
05:40Like, I can remember my stomach growling.
05:45I remember one time just like, I'm like, I'm going to go steal some food.
05:49A candy bar had nuts in because I was like starving hungry.
05:55As a small child, the doctors were worried because I wasn't growing.
05:59I wasn't getting the nutrients I needed to sustain my development and to help me grow.
06:07And she, she honestly, I don't believe, cared.
06:11She oftentimes would go out to eat, go to the club, buy herself new clothes.
06:17Don't wait up.
06:18I'll be out late.
06:21She was just constantly spending money, and then she acted like going to the grocery store was, you know, going
06:27to cost her an arm and a leg.
06:30She provided mainly for her needs, and the kids came last.
06:39My father, he was very distant.
06:42He worked a lot.
06:43And looking back, I mean, I can't say that either one had better qualities than the other because they both
06:51had poor qualities as far as parenting and people skills and showing compassion or love and affection.
07:02There are some things that still bother me, and I still have moments where I have triggers of things that
07:09something will happen in the environment that I'm in, whether I'm home or in the community.
07:15I have to go through that process.
07:21That's the thing with PTSD.
07:39I didn't understand why we weren't with our mother, but it was because my sister had made an accusation of
07:46not having enough food in the house.
07:49So, eventually, I ended up with a foster family that were two parents that were unable to conceive and have
07:58children.
07:59And I learned to feel appreciated.
08:02I learned to feel loved because she spent time with me.
08:05We would listen to music together.
08:07We would go out.
08:09And I learned what it was to sit at the supper table, you know, and have a meal with the
08:13family.
08:15That was the home I learned to brush my teeth in.
08:18That was the home that I learned to take care of my hair.
08:21I didn't even know that I had to learn those things.
08:26But while I was there, it was life-changing for me.
08:32Because it showed me the dynamics of a true, genuine family and what it looks like, what it feels like.
08:52I feel like it was three or four months that I hadn't seen my mom, and I hadn't seen my
08:58dad at all.
09:00We were in a room with a children youth worker who was watching every interaction.
09:08We all ran up, gave her big hugs, and she said she loved us.
09:14I think some part of it was not genuine because she was more compassionate and loving in public when there
09:24was multiple people around than she was privately.
09:33I don't think she was nearly distressed as I would be having her children removed from her care.
09:39It seemed like we were more of a hindrance to her.
09:42We were holding her back from her doing the things that she really wanted to do.
09:50She did not act like it was a big deal, in my opinion, as a small child when we saw
09:55her.
09:55She seemed like she was a little bit on the nervous side.
09:59And we sat at the table for a little bit with her before the visit was over, and everybody went
10:05back to where we were.
10:07I'll see you again soon.
10:10I missed her every day.
10:12I missed my mom all the time.
10:16I think because that child-parent bond, it's just an innate feeling that every child has to be with their
10:27parent.
10:27But my mom did not have that.
10:38I remember feeling like my parents are going to walk in.
10:42I'm going to get to have a supervised visit.
10:43And they told us that our father was very sick and he was in the hospital.
10:49And that the police had brought charges against our mother for poisoning him.
10:58It was a wild ride to go in there thinking we were going to have a visit to find out
11:04that my mom was potentially in jail and my dad was in the hospital.
11:10And that I wasn't going to see either parent that day.
11:12I learned that my mother was being charged with attempted homicide.
11:22I've never read this before, so.
11:25The victim stated he owned several properties, which would become his wife's in the event of his death, as well
11:33as several insurance policies.
11:36It did make sense that my mom would be the beneficiary.
11:41Mrs. Turner also advised that she recalled that in the past, her father would become strangely ill and bedridden,
11:49usually after eating something prepared for him by the defendant.
11:53She remembered one occasion when she had one cup set aside and was stirring in some white powder.
11:59That appeared to be crushed pills.
12:02The defendant then directed her to give the cup to the victim, who was sick in bed.
12:13My sister is recalling a poisoning event before I was even born.
12:20That basically just reiterates that my mom had attempted to poison my father other times without success.
12:32My understanding is there was something technical that allowed her to be acquitted.
12:38She was left off on the technicality versus being innocent.
12:43After the poisoning, he was very weak, very frail.
12:48I do think it's very fortunate that my father is still alive.
12:52I was shocked when I found out that my mom had done that.
12:57You know, I'm like, is this true? Is this not true?
12:59And I was not around when it happened, so I had no idea of any of the details.
13:14One day, my foster mom had sat me down with the children and youth worker that came to the house,
13:20and they discussed, how would you feel about returning to live with your mother?
13:25And I just was excited.
13:26I was overwhelmed, seven years old, excited to be home with my mom.
13:34When I was going home, I had hoped that since my mom left my dad,
13:38that things were going to be healthier, they were going to be better,
13:42it was going to be more like a normal family, and I would find out that it wasn't.
13:47For me, it has always been a reality that my mom would be in and out of jail.
13:54She was in jail a few times.
13:56My mom has always been writing bad checks.
13:59She was in jail during the attempted murder trial,
14:03and then she was in jail for stealing money from the Legion where she was on a board.
14:10And it was disappointment, and it was sad to know that my mom was in jail,
14:16and I always kind of felt bad for her as a kid.
14:20I wanted to see my mom as innocent.
14:22And as an adult, I realized that she most likely deserved to be in jail during those times.
14:45Back in the day, they used it to suppress somebody's behavior,
14:50make them more docile.
14:53I was like a walking zombie, I was drooling, I had like a shuffling gait,
14:59my speech was slurred.
15:03And then eventually, one day, I was in bed sleeping.
15:07My mom, she came to check on me, and I was seizing really bad.
15:12I just remember waking up and her telling the medics that she had done CPR on me.
15:18Thorazine has a deadly effect on my heart condition,
15:23which is what caused my cardiac arrest on three occasions.
15:27And after some time, the doctors basically told my mom,
15:32she either needs to come off of this medication, or she's going to die.
15:40She wouldn't have taken me off of it unless a doctor would have really pushed her.
15:45Absolutely could have killed me.
15:46I think my mom enjoyed not having to deal with me while I was heavily medicated.
15:53She was very much about keeping me silent and keeping me under her control
15:58versus how it impacted my mental health, my physical health, my general health.
16:05Looking back, knowing the things my mom is capable of,
16:10I would say the thought has crossed my mind, was she trying to get rid of me?
16:28Jack made good money, you know, more than enough to support us and take care of things.
16:34But the fact that my mom had fines that she had to pay,
16:37and she had bad checks that just multiplied the amount of debt that they had to pay,
16:43he eventually got to the point where he struggled to financially provide for all of us.
16:51And I came home from school, and I walked in the living room,
16:56and there was no furniture in there.
17:00There was nothing but, like, a lamp in the corner.
17:06But there was furniture there in the morning when I left for school.
17:09We had a couch, a loveseat, a chair, and a recliner,
17:14and coffee table and end tables, and a TV, big floor model.
17:18All of it was gone when I got home.
17:20I don't know what's happening, and I'm thinking, are we moving?
17:24That was the first thought that came to my mind as a kid.
17:26And then when my mom came home, I questioned her.
17:29What's going on?
17:31Are we moving?
17:32Where's the living room furniture?
17:33And she said, I didn't pay my bill, then they came and they picked it up today.
17:40It was a rent-to-buy situation with the furniture,
17:43and so she would frequently just not make her payments.
17:47What the hell is going on here?
17:50I do remember my mom and Jack having arguments where they would be yelling at each other.
17:56I miss the payment.
17:58I think he was mad at her for not spending the money appropriately.
18:04She always said she didn't have the money.
18:06So, I mean, that was a hard statement for any of us to process
18:10because we knew she had the money.
18:12She was constantly spending money.
18:16I would learn over the course of the next year
18:19that it was going to be a frequent occurrence,
18:21people coming, knocking on the door,
18:23because she didn't make a payment.
18:39In 2010, when Jack was diagnosed with cancer,
18:43about the time my first daughter was born,
18:45I had to deal with the family stuff that was going on.
18:50I was close to Jack.
18:52I was there.
18:52I was helping him.
18:53He was putting up the good fight, you know.
18:57He was doing the medications.
18:59He was doing the chemo.
19:00He was doing everything he could to try and live longer,
19:04try and beat it as best he could
19:06because what Jack had was an incurable cancer.
19:11From October to December, he just declined.
19:16November into December was the hardest for him.
19:21And then the night he died,
19:23my sister was there and told my mom,
19:26you know, if you need to go to bed, you need to rest.
19:28And I looked at my sister and I said,
19:31I don't think he's going to be here that much longer.
19:36And my mom went to bed, she didn't hesitate.
19:40She just went and she wasn't in that room 20 minutes and he passed away.
19:49And I said, you need to go get mom because he's gone.
19:55And my mom did not cry.
20:01I don't know if she was so struck that she couldn't cry
20:06or if that was her lack of, like, empathy.
20:13She didn't care.
20:15Some part of me questions.
20:20Was her love for Jack as genuine at the end as it was at the beginning?
20:26But within 30 days, she was courting our neighbor.
20:42This is December 2011.
20:47A couple weeks before Jack had passed away,
20:50we gave him his Christmas present early.
20:53I think for the whole family's sake,
20:56we were blessed to have him in our life.
21:00Her track record says that she probably would have murdered sooner
21:04had she not been with somebody who was so adamant
21:09on keeping her on the straight and narrow.
21:11Jack was the backbone that kept my mom from going astray.
21:16And I felt like when he died,
21:20it was just going to dissipate into chaos.
21:24And it kind of did.
21:35John and Joan bought the house two doors down from my mom,
21:38and it became the social central place to be.
21:44My mom and Joan began to hang out more often.
21:48She had said that Joan was complaining that she had a lot of heartburn,
21:51and she was feeling like she was nauseated a lot lately.
21:57She had called Joan.
21:58Joan didn't answer the phone.
22:03She opened up the door, and she went in.
22:06And Joan was asleep with her coffee next to her in her chair in the back room.
22:15And she called 911.
22:18Then they came and pronounced her death.
22:22I'm not sure why my mom had to go down and check on Joan.
22:26I don't know the reasoning why.
22:28I thought my mom and Joan were good friends.
22:31At the time, I did not think Joan had any foul play in her death.
22:36But there was the question that she may have possibly done something to Joan.
22:43So it's kind of how I grew up looking at my mom, you know, with that question mark.
22:49Did she do it?
22:50Did she not do it?
22:52It's always been there, kind of fluctuating.
22:57She's capable of doing that.
23:00So there's a question there, but I don't want to speculate anything that can't be founded
23:05because Joan is cremated, and we'll never know those results.
23:27So this is mom and John's wedding day.
23:30I felt that my mom's ambition to marry him was not with the full intention of love.
23:39My mom was seeking him out almost immediately after Jack's death.
23:45We hadn't even had Jack's memorial service.
23:47I think my mom saw an opportunity, and she did everything she could to seize that moment.
23:58She told him that she loved him, and I think she loved him more for his assets.
24:04Her facial expression, she has an awkward smile.
24:08It looks like it's kind of forced.
24:10I kind of sensed in my spirit at that time that something was going on
24:14because I could see the behavior pattern starting back up.
24:20John had no idea what he was getting into.
24:38John was not shy about saying that he had money.
24:41He didn't care that people knew that he had money, and he didn't think that he was a target.
24:46He didn't think that he was vulnerable.
24:48He thought she was just your everyday nice old lady who liked to make pies and be a social butterfly.
24:57He was oblivious.
24:59Every time I came to the house, my mom said,
25:04Shh, don't say anything.
25:06And I always looked at her, and I said,
25:08What do you mean, don't say anything?
25:10Don't talk about her past.
25:12He doesn't need to know anything.
25:15She did hide all of it, as much as she could.
25:20John didn't know about her attempted murder trial.
25:24Didn't know about her being in jail for bad checks and stealing money.
25:29So he didn't know any of that.
25:32There were moments where I felt compelled to tell John some things,
25:36but she didn't want him knowing anything because she didn't want him to discount her.
25:42She was talking about vacation.
25:44She was talking about cars.
25:46She was talking about furniture.
25:47She was talking about giving money away.
25:50She said that he's very tight with his money and doesn't like to give up any control,
25:56and it's going to take her a while to gain access.
26:12My sister-in-law that is married to my brother, and I had a conversation,
26:16and she said that she had given away like $35,000 of John's money.
26:24As I'm asking my mom questions, she got very offended, very defensive,
26:31and she said, it's none of your business what John and I do with our money.
26:37Are you suggesting John knows how much money you're giving away?
26:41But at the same time, she didn't want me to talk to John about the money at all.
26:47Something was going on that she didn't want to talk about.
26:50There was tension between my mom and I since I questioned the money and everything.
26:57Like, things just seemed to start to go south.
27:00She starts escalating.
27:02She starts plotting and planning.
27:09And the next thing I know, my mom had called Children and Youth Services
27:14and made accusations against me in regards to my children.
27:24She said to my sister that she was going to keep the kids,
27:28and she was going to have Children and Youth allow her to foster them.
27:31And I was like, oh, no, not happening.
27:36She was trying to keep me at distance.
27:39She was trying to break me down before I could do anything to alert John.
27:50I called the state police, and I told them the situation,
27:54that my mom had taken the children home,
27:56and I wanted a state trooper to come out
27:58because she was not going to release the kids to me.
28:02I had got there before the trooper got there.
28:05And I went to the door.
28:06I said, I'm here for my kids.
28:10And my mom said, you can't have them.
28:13And I said, don't tell me I can't have them.
28:15I have my custody order, and I have a state trooper on the way.
28:17She said, you don't have a trooper on the way.
28:18I said, try me.
28:20I said, he'll be here very shortly.
28:21You can release my kids to me now,
28:23or you can wait for this trooper to come,
28:25and we can deal with it the hard way.
28:29I was so angry.
28:31I was trying to hold back all my tears
28:34to get through the fact that I had to go get my kids.
28:38She didn't really act like she was going to turn them over to me,
28:42and I told both my kids.
28:43I said, gather your things, anything that's yours.
28:46I want you to get it, and I want you to put it in the car.
28:50Then I told John that he needed to check his accounts
28:52because she was giving away his money.
28:56He did not believe me, and he told me
28:58to get the out of his house.
29:00I think she had already coerced
29:02and made up her own lies and fed them to John.
29:07I feel like she manipulated him and prepared him
29:10for what I was coming out to do,
29:13and that was the last words he spoke to me,
29:17and it was the complete resolution
29:19of my relationship with my mother.
29:21It completely dissolved any relationship I had with her.
29:34He was a healthy, strong man.
29:38I got a phone call almost two weeks after his death
29:42from his daughter,
29:44and she just feels like something was really wrong.
29:47This was not a normal death.
29:50My mother is just going on about the will
29:53and how she got full inheritance of all his assets.
29:58She thought that was very suspicious,
30:00and then she said the medics are the ones
30:03that called the state police to come out
30:05and start a wrongful death investigation.
30:07The way he was dying resembled a poisoning
30:13versus an actual cardiac arrest
30:15because typically when you have a cardiac arrest,
30:18you're not frothing at the mouth.
30:22His daughter was concerned
30:24because they were about to release the body back to my mother,
30:27who was going to have him cremated,
30:31and if he was cremated,
30:32there would be no further investigation of his remains.
30:40Okay, so when she tells you
30:43that your mom is going to get control of the body,
30:46what's the first thing that goes through your head?
30:48No, it can't happen
30:51because I knew
30:54and
30:55I'm sorry.
31:03I just knew
31:04she did something.
31:11Um,
31:12that was a long phone call.
31:14We talked for a long time.
31:17I cried a lot
31:18in that phone call.
31:21I cried a lot
31:22after that phone call.
31:24Um,
31:25I had this
31:26gut-wrench feeling
31:27that something wasn't right,
31:29but I didn't know what it was
31:30and I didn't want to jump to conclusions.
31:33I didn't know what to do
31:35because I wasn't present.
31:37Um,
31:38I wasn't a witness.
31:39I didn't see anything.
31:41Um,
31:41but I knew my mother
31:43and I knew her behavior pattern
31:45had reverted back.
31:46I knew she had this history
31:47of attempted murder.
31:49I knew, um,
31:50what she did to me.
31:54And John was a good guy.
31:59He didn't deserve this.
32:01So I called the state police,
32:03asked for the investigator.
32:06I said,
32:08if somebody in your lifetime
32:09goes missing
32:11or dies
32:13by a wrongful death,
32:15it might be a coincidence.
32:17One person.
32:17But when it's more than one,
32:20something's wrong.
32:22Somebody's
32:22meddling in something.
32:24There's something murky
32:25in the water.
32:36It was three years
32:37till my mother was arrested
32:38for first-degree murder.
32:41I felt like
32:42there was some justice happening.
32:44She may not have been caught
32:46for what she
32:48may have done
32:49to my father.
32:49She may not have been caught
32:51for what she did to me.
32:52But this time,
32:54you know,
32:55she took a life
32:55and this time
32:56she's caught.
32:58Police responded
32:59to a Union County home
33:00for a report
33:02of a deceased male
33:03who was identified
33:04as 77-year-old
33:05John Nichols.
33:06An autopsy
33:07was performed
33:08showing that he had
33:09fatally overdosed
33:11on verapamil,
33:12which was not
33:13prescribed to him.
33:14Police say the medication
33:15was prescribed
33:16to his wife,
33:1776-year-old
33:18Meryl Miller.
33:26A woman charged
33:27with the death
33:28of her husband
33:29back in 2021
33:30was found guilty
33:31on all charges.
33:33Miller had been involved
33:34in suspicious activities
33:36leading up to her husband's death,
33:38including forging
33:38his signatures
33:39to make herself
33:40be sole benefactor
33:41for two life insurance policies.
33:53The day
33:54that I read
33:56the autopsy report,
33:59I came home,
34:02I shut my kitchen door
34:03and I fell.
34:05I fell to the floor
34:06and I saw
34:08she did overdose him
34:10on a cocktail
34:11of medications.
34:14I was crippled.
34:17It's...
34:19It's heartbreaking.
34:32The investigators
34:33had learned
34:34that my mom
34:35had about $85,000
34:37from my stepdad, John.
34:40My understanding
34:42was she had like
34:43three different
34:43life insurance policies
34:45that one was
34:47he knew about.
34:48The other two
34:49she opened
34:50without his knowledge
34:52and she had
34:54other people
34:55pretend to be John
34:57during the phone interview.
34:59She was going
35:00to gain a small fortune
35:02if she was not found out.
35:04That was her
35:05number one motivation
35:07for anything
35:08and everything she did.
35:10She had a love
35:11for money.
35:11I don't care
35:12how much money
35:13she stood to inherit.
35:14There's no price tag
35:15for his innocence
35:16and taking his life.
35:19It's not right.
35:21And I'll stand
35:22on the side of justice
35:23every single time.
35:33So that's my mom
35:35after she was arrested.
35:38It's sad.
35:42She could have
35:44made better choices.
35:46Her selfish desires
35:48landed her there.
35:50She's in an orange
35:52jumpsuit.
35:53She's raw.
35:55There's
35:55no cosmetic
35:58to cover up.
36:01She can't pretend.
36:04You see
36:05the person
36:06she was.
36:09I think
36:10had she got away
36:11with this
36:11it's possible
36:13she could have
36:14done it again.
36:15I mean
36:17she did like
36:18to give people
36:19drugs.
36:22We saw that
36:22with my father.
36:23We saw that
36:24with me.
36:26And then
36:27John.
36:40It was
36:41January
36:447th.
36:46I got a phone call
36:49late that evening
36:50telling me
36:51that my mother
36:52had passed away
36:53at the ER.
36:57I was in shock.
36:59I wasn't
36:59expecting her
37:00to pass away.
37:03It had been
37:04a good
37:05eight
37:06nine years
37:07since I had
37:08real interaction
37:10with her.
37:12And I had hoped
37:14to have a sit down
37:15to have
37:15that exchange
37:17of forgiveness
37:18so that
37:19I know
37:20she could die
37:21in peace.
37:22I could continue
37:23to go on
37:24and live
37:25and just know
37:26that even
37:27if it was
37:28the last
37:28conversation
37:29I ever had
37:30that I could
37:30just say
37:31I forgive you
37:32I love you
37:33go in peace.
37:44So there's
37:46one Bible verse
37:48that
37:49that just
37:50popped off
37:52the pages
37:52to me.
37:54and
37:54my faith
37:56has brought
37:56me
37:56to my healing
37:57without
37:59my faith
37:59I wouldn't
38:00be able
38:01to stand.
38:02A bruised
38:03reed
38:03he will
38:04not break
38:04a dimly
38:06burning
38:06wick
38:06he will
38:07not extinguish
38:08he will
38:09faithfully
38:09bring forth
38:10justice
38:10and that's
38:11Isaiah
38:1242
38:123.
38:14I read
38:15that
38:15I was
38:17the bruised
38:17reed
38:17I was
38:19the amber
38:19that was
38:20dying out
38:20I was
38:21losing
38:21my zest
38:22I was
38:23losing
38:23my life
38:24I felt
38:25like
38:25there wasn't
38:26anything to
38:27go forward
38:28with
38:28all that
38:29was taken
38:29from me
38:31my innocence
38:32was taken
38:33from me
38:33my mom
38:35tried to
38:35destroy my
38:36family
38:36she tried to
38:37take my
38:38kids
38:40and then
38:41he says
38:42he's going
38:42to bring
38:42forth
38:43justice
38:44and in
38:45the end
38:46there was
38:47justice
38:47it may not
38:48have been
38:48for everything
38:49my mom
38:50had done
38:51but there
38:52was justice
39:02I believe
39:03in evil
39:05I believe
39:06my mom
39:06had some
39:07very evil
39:07traits
39:08I believe
39:09if she
39:10made the
39:10choice
39:11she could
39:11have been
39:12good
39:12but she
39:13made the
39:14choice
39:15not to
39:16so she
39:17chose
39:17evil
39:17over good
39:19I view
39:20my mother
39:21as
39:22the person
39:23that birthed
39:23me
39:28alright
39:30I'm sorry
39:31I'm getting
39:31emotional
39:32here in the
39:33end
39:33please
39:34don't
39:35be
39:37you're
39:38bearing
39:38your soul
39:38to us
39:39so thank
39:39you
39:41who
39:43used
39:44me
39:44mistreated
39:46me
39:46she went
39:48through
39:48seasons
39:49where
39:49I think
39:50she tried
39:51to get
39:52better
39:52she
39:53tried
39:55to be
39:56that
39:56person
39:57that
39:58we all
39:58wanted
39:59her to
39:59be
39:59but
40:01there was
40:02something
40:03in her
40:03that drew
40:04her back
40:05to the
40:06old
40:06her
40:08whether it
40:09was money
40:09or selfishness
40:11or her
40:13apathy
40:15I'm not
40:16sure
40:16what drove
40:17her
40:17to go
40:18backwards
40:18because in
40:20the end
40:20she lost
40:21a lot
40:23I can't
40:24change who
40:25she was
40:25I can't
40:26change
40:27what she
40:29did
40:31so I have
40:32to accept
40:32it
40:33and know
40:35I did the
40:37best with
40:37what she
40:38gave me
40:39I'm at
40:39peace
40:40with a lot
40:41of the
40:41things
40:42that have
40:42happened
40:42I've dealt
40:43with a lot
40:44of that
40:44trauma
40:45I am
40:46happy
40:46at home
40:48I got
40:49my husband
40:49that gives
40:50me joy
40:50I got
40:51my kids
40:52that give
40:53me joy
40:54generally
40:54I am
40:55happy
40:55but there
40:57are days
40:57of grief
40:59my mind
40:59goes back
41:00to that
41:01trauma
41:03but I
41:03don't have
41:04to stay
41:04there
41:05and I
41:05know how
41:06to bring
41:06myself
41:06out of
41:07it
41:19I've
41:19looked at
41:19this picture
41:20many times
41:20it's surreal
41:23I don't
41:24know all
41:25the people
41:25that he
41:25killed
41:26I honestly
41:27don't know
41:28and I
41:29still to
41:29this day
41:30believe that
41:31everybody
41:31that he
41:31killed
41:32he thought
41:32he was
41:32killing
41:33me
41:34unread
41:34don't know
41:34how to
41:35to be
41:35a
41:35other
41:35and I
41:36how to
41:36You
Comments