- 10 hours ago
Americas Funniest Home Videos - Season 36 - Episode 02: Melodrama-rama, Sports Report, and Golden Agers
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00:01Warning, tonight's AFV may cause uncontrollable giggling.
00:05Warning, tonight's AFV.
00:49Hello and welcome to the show.
00:51I am, insert name here.
00:53Oops.
00:55Sorry, I've been reading from the official TV host handbook and I forgot to plug in my personal details.
01:01Anyway, enjoy these things or particular program showcases.
01:04Dang it.
01:06You know, let me just start over.
01:07I'm Alfonso and these are funny videos.
01:10Yeah, I don't need no stinking handbook, sure.
01:15Welcome, Matt.
01:16Welcome, Splat.
01:28Look out, look out, look out, look out, look out, look out.
01:33Watching a woman with a fake snake tied to her hoodie can turn anyone into a golf thing.
01:40I'm starting to think these guys are trying to discourage their wives from golfing.
01:50She's never gotten an eagle, but at least now she has a stake.
01:59The cast on his arm makes me think Liam isn't coordinated enough for Pond Hopscotch.
02:06Don't fall in, Liam.
02:10You're okay.
02:12You're okay.
02:14I hope one of the presents in that big ball of plastic wrap is a gift card to a furniture
02:19store.
02:30He can't wait for his big sister to come home from school.
02:39He's going to have to wait a little longer.
02:52She has no idea why her keychain is buzzing like crazy, but she's determined to make it stop.
03:11Now toss that hunk of junk and never think about it again.
03:25Release the hounds.
03:27It's time to go to the dog park.
03:31No barking or no stag.
03:33No barking or no stag.
03:36When you're going to bark, you need a snack.
03:38Bark or snag.
03:43Here's why you should never bark with your mouth full.
03:52What did you do, Lily?
03:55Lily, what did you do?
03:58You want some food?
04:00Let's go get some food.
04:03Lily, what did you do?
04:04I don't know what Lily did, but I know what Lily wants.
04:09Do you want some food?
04:11Okay, let's go get some food.
04:14What did you do?
04:19Dishwasher-safe silverware?
04:20How about a dishwasher-safe dog collar?
04:33Grandpa's here.
04:36Funny.
04:38Inside.
04:39Inside.
04:41You know Grandpa's got something for you.
04:43Look, it's right here.
04:44Dogs off leash and Grandpa's off belt.
04:46Inside.
04:47Inside.
05:01The longer the hot dog stick, the bigger the potential for canine thievery.
05:16The squirrel was so impressed by the dog climbing the tree that he wants to see him do it again.
05:21That's my cat dog.
05:26Poor little squirrel.
05:37Who chewed up this paper towel?
05:39Who did that?
05:40If he can't see you, you can't see him.
05:43Where are you?
05:45That's just science.
05:46Who chewed up this paper towel?
05:49Who did it?
05:50Hmm.
05:52I guess I can't see you.
05:58Tonight's first montage features teenage girls.
06:01You'll find it delightful and a little bittersweet if you're like me and your youngest is rapidly
06:06approaching her teenage years because it's a reminder of just how fast they grow up.
06:11And just how often they fall down.
06:15I'm gonna be all right.
06:17Go ahead.
06:17Go ahead.
06:18You got it.
06:19You know I want it.
06:21There ain't no stopping in my mind.
06:23It's never coming.
06:24I love it.
06:25I need more of it.
06:27I can't live without it.
06:29It won't be in my midst.
06:31I want what I want when I want it.
06:34I want what I want when I want it.
06:37I want what I want when I want it.
06:41I don't take the price tag.
06:43I want what I want when I want it.
06:46I want what I want when I want it.
06:46I want what I want when I want it.
06:47Yeah, when I want it.
06:54I got this honey honey sweet and fresh.
06:58Yeah, that high roller twist.
07:01Camouflage and recover the mess.
07:04What you going to eat?
07:06What you get?
07:07I want what I want when I want it.
07:10I want what I want when I want it.
07:13I want what I want when I want it
07:16I don't hit the price tag
07:18I just put it in the bag
07:26I want what I want when I want it
07:29I want what I want when I want it
07:32I want what I want when I want it
07:36I don't hit the price tag
07:38I want what I want when I want it
07:45Got a funny video?
07:47Upload it to AFV.com
08:01The following people are what you might call dim bulbs.
08:05But that's okay.
08:06The dimmer the bulb, the less electricity they use.
08:08So at least they're environmentally conscious.
08:12Some pizzas come with garlic knots.
08:14Some come with hot buns.
08:25Seats on fire.
08:27Are you sitting on your pizza?
08:29Oh, my God.
08:31Are you kidding?
08:32You sat on your pizza.
08:33Wait, it's on your snuggie.
08:34I'm sure it is.
08:37Okay, it is going.
08:41It's a fine line between fun grandpa and gross grandpa.
08:48That's number two.
08:49Oh, my.
08:51Did the video run this time?
08:52Oh, my.
08:53Okay.
08:54Are you going to post that?
08:55Oh, my God.
08:56Go ahead.
08:58Some friends hold the ladder.
09:00Some friends chant, please break to the ladder.
09:03Please break.
09:05Please break.
09:07Please break.
09:09Please break.
09:18I expected him to be a little tougher
09:20considering the samurai man bun.
09:27What are you doing?
09:28What's he doing?
09:29He's waiting to see how you handle the whole socks
09:32on hardwood stairs situation.
09:45She had such a great time being out,
09:48she doesn't want it to end.
09:49Mitchell.
09:51Come on.
09:53Come on.
09:58Come on, dude.
09:59Come help Molly.
10:02Come on.
10:03Come on.
10:03Come on.
10:06I think it's sweet how some couples
10:08love to do everything together.
10:24Listen, I have something,
10:25something really important to say, okay?
10:27And in fact, it might be the most important thing
10:30I've ever said in my life.
10:31If I can just find the strength to say it.
10:36These videos are full of melodrama.
10:40Actually, that wasn't that hard.
10:42I guess I was just being melodramatic.
10:44My bad, my bad.
10:48This kid wouldn't hurt a fly.
10:51But only because he's too scared of them.
11:13I know you do.
11:15I know you do.
11:17I know you do.
11:18Well, you're going to hate summer.
11:20I'll find it out right now.
11:22He must have strict parents if this is how he reacts
11:26to hearing his mom's disembodied voice.
11:29It depends on how it comes.
11:31I'm fucking scared of him.
11:37It wasn't my camera.
11:47Wait, did I have it?
11:49I heard no.
12:02Man, he's really excited about cake.
12:09Oh, blue cake.
12:11He's having a boy.
12:12And cake.
12:40If this is her reaction to a June bug.
12:43Hey, if you're going to wake the neighborhood.
12:45She should just be glad there aren't July, August,
12:48and September bugs, too.
12:53I don't know what you're supposed to do in this situation,
12:55but I do know screaming and running away
12:57aren't going to help a whole lot.
12:59What?
12:59It's on fire!
13:02Help!
13:02Help!
13:03I don't know what to do!
13:05Help!
13:07Help!
13:09Help!
13:10Help!
13:17It's time for the Winner's Circle,
13:19where we take a look back at some former AFV winners.
13:23Yeah, years later, and they're still getting the spotlight,
13:26as if you needed one more reason to send your videos in.
13:30It's time to have a blast with some big winners from AFV's past.
13:58You know what we're going to have for dinner?
14:00We're going to have P-I-Z-Z-A, P-I-Z-Z-A, P-I-Z-Z-A.
14:07We're going to have some...
14:09Tacos!
14:12Tacos.
14:15I'm going to have a report you're saying,
14:17if I do the trick...
14:18If this is something, though,
14:21I'm going to be talking...
14:22If I do the trick right,
14:24can you buy me a coffee?
14:25No!
14:26Okay, well, can you buy me something nice?
14:28Yep.
14:29I am about to suck the juice out of this coat
14:32without touching the towel.
14:35What?
14:36What?
14:36I'm about to suck the juice out of the coat,
14:38but I'm not going to touch the towel.
14:39Okay?
14:40Okay.
14:40You gotta be quiet.
14:43No, you really got to be quiet.
14:47Okay.
15:02What was it?
15:19Let's circle back next week for another Inner Circle.
15:32I recently read an article which said that people's attention spans are getting shorter.
15:37I think.
15:39I only read the headline because the article was, like, three paragraphs long, and I can't
15:43focus for that long.
15:45Anyway, here's some videos short enough to hold anyone's attention.
15:50Only one thing lets in more fresh air than a screen door.
15:53Not having any door at all.
16:02My mommy's on the swing.
16:05She's supposed to be babysitting, not hammock-sitting.
16:07Her friends, babysitting.
16:16Gary?
16:17Mommy!
16:19Mommy!
16:20Do you want me to call the police?
16:24You can stop the thing.
16:30There he is.
16:33What'd you get, Tucker?
16:35A catfish.
16:37When he said catfish, a certain someone took it literally.
16:43Where did you get your gum?
16:45Over there?
16:46Over there?
16:47Yeah.
16:47On the sidewalk?
16:48Yeah.
16:50Oh, my gosh.
16:51I ate it.
16:54Honey, it's icky.
16:56That's not mommy's gum.
16:58Oh.
16:59Dude, what?
16:59Nothing brings raccoons out of hiding like a kayaker with a cracker.
17:04No, no, no, no, no, no.
17:07Oh!
17:11Some dogs are water dogs.
17:13Some are just push you into the water dogs.
17:18Don't be sorry.
17:33They're learning about persistence before they even get to school.
18:05Nobody likes a water dog.
18:07wise guy, unless he's the host of a TV show that focuses on people making bad decisions
18:12on video.
18:13Me, I'm talking about me.
18:16Yeah, I'm about to get all sassy up in here.
18:21Time to drink in exactly what I'm thinking.
18:24It's Here's a Thought.
18:27Here's a thought.
18:28If you're thinking of jumping into a pile of leaves, let somebody else do the first jump.
18:41A slice of Al advice.
18:43If you don't get better at loading your pickup, it's you who'll need to be picked up.
18:58Yard work pro tip.
19:00Ride-on lawnmowers are rated by their horsepower, not their buoyancy.
19:19Take it from me, it's best not to get too attached to Spiky.
19:23Spiky.
19:25I'm gonna, I'm gonna call her Spiky.
19:27Will, no, no!
19:30This has been Here's a Thought.
19:37If you've ever been told to turn on notifications or smash that like button, then you're familiar
19:42with influencers.
19:43But don't worry.
19:44The only thing I'll ever influence you to do is watch these influencer flubs.
19:48No smashing reply.
19:53The thing about internet fame, it comes in waves.
19:56Now put your arm down by your side.
19:58Let's see how that looks.
20:02And then...
20:02Oh!
20:04Oh!
20:05Did you get it?
20:06Yeah, I got it.
20:09Okay, that was...
20:12So this is my house.
20:14I'm gonna show you around.
20:17Okay.
20:18So that's our TV.
20:20She's hoping for as many views as possible.
20:23Her mom doesn't want any views at all.
20:26Is there a hallway?
20:28I know it looks white, but it's meant to be orange.
20:31Let's show you.
20:32What are you doing?
20:34I'm showing around.
20:35Fall away.
20:37Let's go back to me.
20:41Shut the door!
20:44Hi, guys.
20:45Welcome back to my channel.
20:49I'm going to let you see some of my fidgets.
20:52So we're going ahead and get started.
20:55Say what you want about Jax,
20:57but he knows how to get people talking in the comment section.
21:00Miniature pop it.
21:03The pops are so...
21:06Jax!
21:10Shh.
21:15Someone spent many hours getting those flower petals set up for the perfect shot.
21:26His wife and kids aren't the only ones sick and tired of him yapping about Legos.
21:30It's not open to...
21:39Hi, everybody.
21:40Today we have a body and she's going to Panache.
21:45A walk.
21:45For some kids, showing off what their dolls can do isn't easy.
21:49For this girl, it's a snap.
21:51Yeah.
21:59Thanks for watching.
22:01Bye.
22:12When a person retires, they can spend more time with their grandchildren
22:16and pursue things they didn't have time for in their youth.
22:20It's why we call them the golden years,
22:21which sounds a lot better than the sore knee, aching back, speak up, I can't quite hear your years.
22:30Public bathroom.
22:31Public humiliation.
22:42Talk about a two-ply surprise.
22:58Is she a member of A-A-R-T-P?
23:22How does someone live this long with that kind of judgment?
23:31He sure called them.
23:38So you all know how much I love crickets.
23:40I've been known to get up at 3 o'clock in the morning with the vacuum cleaner,
23:44looking for those little buzzards.
23:46Well, here I am, trying to fall asleep, and all I keep on hearing is this sound.
23:52And I'm like, where is that coming from?
23:55Where are they?
23:56Well, guess what it is?
23:57It's not crickets.
23:59It's my husband's hearing aids.
24:03That are talking to each other all night long.
24:07Naturally, he can't hear it.
24:09Of course not.
24:10Gotta love him.
24:12Ugh.
24:13Bye.
24:15Mike!
24:15Papa Al!
24:17Papa Al!
24:18I don't think you should ride toy roller coasters if you're older than the first real roller coaster.
24:30He'll tell his buddies that he hit it so hard that it never came down.
24:44There are lots of products designed to help you sleep better.
24:48However, there are no products to help you sleep funnier.
24:51Conspiracy?
24:53Probably not.
24:54But until somebody invents one, we'll have a subtle for these people who turn catching Z's into some serious L
25:00.O.N.
25:07You think his wife ever gets a good night's sleep?
25:15Some kids are just born dancers.
25:32Road trips usually sound more exciting than they actually are.
26:03One minute, the kids peacefully sleeping.
26:06The next minute, he's breaking stuff, and it's not even his fault.
26:25Moms have a way of knowing what a baby's cry means, and dads have a way of sleeping through it.
26:36I guess there are worse ways to wake up than with whipped cream in your mouth.
26:51Y'all, look how my daddy all sleep open.
26:56Wait, wait a minute.
26:57He sleeps with his eyes open to make sure you're doing your chores.
27:09As you might know, in addition to this show, I also host Dancing with the Stars.
27:14Well, the other night, I had a weird dream that combined both shows.
27:19Carrie Ann Anaba was riding a skateboard on a trampoline,
27:21a schnauzer was doing the cha-cha,
27:24and a frisbee hit Bruno Tonioli right in the business.
27:28Yeah, I think I need a vacation.
27:35It's not a full-on surprise party, but it's still a surprise.
27:50What happened to your food?
27:52I gave you a bunch of lettuce and carrots.
27:56Oh, here's some of the lettuce.
27:58I found your plate on the ground.
28:01Sometimes, even carnivores want to mix things up.
28:04I wonder who took the carrots.
28:09Hmm, busted.
28:13Before you salt the driveway,
28:15you might want to make sure all the snow has fallen.
28:24You're good.
28:32Get it, get it, get it, get it.
28:35The cruiser's buffet is all you can eat,
28:37and the water slide is all you can drink.
29:00This is why having a great vertical is overrated.
29:12Everyone loves watching sports highlights.
29:14You know, the best players making the best plays.
29:17Boring.
29:18When it comes to sports clips,
29:19we prefer to focus on the best of the worst.
29:22So grab yourself a seat and enjoy the agony of defeat.
29:40Oh, my God.
29:40Oh, my God.
29:51Oh, my God.
29:53Oh, my God.
29:53Oh, my God.
29:53Oh, my God.
29:54Oh, my God.
29:54Oh, my God.
29:55Oh, my God.
29:55Oh, my God.
30:24Do you have a funny video
30:25worth $20,000?
30:27What are you waiting for?
30:28Upload it to AFV.com.
30:37Hey, Alfonso!
30:41Hey, Alfonso!
30:42Give us some more cat videos.
30:45Okay, Rylan and Julio,
30:47you want more cat videos?
30:48I have some that are perfect.
30:59Don't worry.
31:00The cat's not the butt of this joke.
31:17Sometimes we all get so caught up
31:19in our favorite show
31:20that we forget about
31:21the world around us.
31:30Hi.
31:32Hi.
31:33Yeah.
31:35Hi, everybody.
31:36Hi.
31:37Hello.
31:39Hi.
31:40Hi.
31:41Hi.
31:42Hi.
31:42Hi.
31:44He has the hunting instinct
31:45of a panther,
31:46but the timing
31:47of a regular old house cat.
32:09Excuse me, ma'am.
32:11Are you supposed to be doing that?
32:12What she lacks in stealth,
32:14she makes up for in speed.
32:16Oh!
32:26And it feels this good,
32:28a regular purr
32:29just ain't gonna cut it.
32:47Cats hate water,
32:49even when it's
32:50on the other side
32:51of the glass.
33:00You know what the world
33:01needs now?
33:02A pig that hates selfies.
33:05Go on,
33:06do something with me.
33:07Go on.
33:09I hope you've enjoyed
33:13A Pig That Hates Selfies.
33:18People are fascinated
33:20with dinosaurs
33:21because they looked cool
33:22and were all big and scary.
33:23But what did they
33:24really accomplish?
33:25I mean,
33:26just imagine
33:27if they'd invented
33:27smartphones.
33:29Instead of being on the air
33:30for 36 years,
33:31we could have been on the air
33:32for 66 million years.
33:33You know,
33:34if they also invented
33:35a television.
33:37You know,
33:37maybe I'm being
33:38a little too critical.
33:40Hmm.
33:41This looks like
33:42a make two trips
33:43kind of situation.
33:55They get in a go-kart crash
33:57before the go-kart's
33:58even been assembled.
34:11Hey,
34:12remember the 90s?
34:24Boneheads just look
34:25more artsy
34:25in black and white.
34:38This is why
34:39playtime
34:40and lay concrete time
34:42should be
34:42two different times.
34:44Hey,
34:45get off.
35:01if there's no takers
35:03for frisbee,
35:03how about ring toss?
35:12judging by where he's standing,
35:14he's not used
35:15to coaching lefties.
35:28Here, kitty, kitty.
35:30Oh, I'm not calling for a lost cat.
35:32I'm calling for cat videos
35:33because cats aren't just
35:34finicky furballs of fun.
35:36They're also tonight's
35:37assignment, America.
35:38Yes,
35:38we want to see
35:39your frisky felines
35:40and the calamities
35:41they cause
35:41with their tails
35:42and their teeth
35:43and their cute little paws.
35:45Just tell them more.
35:47Is your cat
35:48knocking stuff off the table?
35:49Is he hiding your new socks
35:51in the litter box?
35:52Well,
35:52your rodent chasing roommate
35:53might also fetch you some cash,
35:55maybe even 20 or 100 grand.
35:57Just upload the video
35:58to AFB.com.
35:59For full contest rules,
36:00log on to AFB.com.
36:02Get us your cat video
36:03and you could get
36:03some major money.
36:04I'm not kidding.
36:06Get it?
36:12We've had lots of fun
36:13by any account.
36:14Now we're going to hand out cash
36:16in a crazy amount.
36:17Let's meet our finalists.
36:18First up,
36:19golfing with friends,
36:20what could go wrong
36:21unless your friend
36:22has a fake snake
36:23that he brings along?
36:24It's not par for the course
36:25sent in by Jalen Carson
36:27from Sioux Falls,
36:29South Dakota.
36:31Look out.
36:32Look out.
36:32Look out.
36:33Look out.
36:33Look out.
36:33Snake.
36:36Watching a woman
36:37with a fake snake
36:37tied to her hoodie
36:38can turn anyone
36:39into a golf fan.
36:43I'm starting to think
36:45these guys are trying
36:46to discourage their wives
36:47from golfing.
36:52Joining us are Katie
36:53and Ryan.
36:55So your friend Jalen,
36:56who you were golfing
36:57with that day,
36:58set you up for this prank
37:00by clipping a fake snake
37:01to your hoodie.
37:02Katie,
37:03what was going
37:04through your mind
37:04as you were sprinting
37:05across all those tee boxes?
37:08I cannot tell you
37:09how real it felt.
37:10So I don't watch
37:11a lot of those snake
37:12prank videos.
37:13I had no idea
37:13how they did it.
37:14And we were on
37:15the 18th hole.
37:16So we'd been having fun
37:17all day.
37:18And all of a sudden,
37:19this snake will not
37:20stop chasing me.
37:21And it seemed like there was
37:24venom coming out of its mouth.
37:26It seemed like it was
37:27spraying me.
37:28And we don't have a lot
37:28of snakes in this part
37:29of South Dakota like that.
37:30But it seemed so real.
37:32And I totally trusted
37:33these spreads.
37:34So it was crazy.
37:36We're happy that you
37:37finally realized
37:38that it was a fake.
37:39Yeah.
37:39So good luck.
37:42Thanks.
37:43All right, all right.
37:44Next up,
37:45a portable alarm
37:46you can keep
37:47in your purse.
37:48It seemed like a good idea,
37:50but it couldn't
37:51have been worse.
37:52It's Drive You
37:53Insane Keychain
37:54sent in by Sherry Cooley
37:55from Dalton, Illinois.
37:58She has no idea
38:00why her keychain
38:01is buzzing like crazy,
38:02but she's determined
38:03to make it stop.
38:07Oof.
38:07Now toss that hunk
38:09of junk.
38:09Never think about it again.
38:17Joining us are
38:18Sherry and Ariana.
38:20Now, the question
38:21on everyone's mind,
38:23Ariana,
38:23did you ever get
38:24that keychain
38:25to stop chirping?
38:27No.
38:28I threw it in the trash
38:29and I drove off.
38:31Yeah.
38:32Well, now, Sherry,
38:33how did you react
38:34when you discovered
38:34the video
38:35on your doorbell camera?
38:37I said,
38:38this has to be
38:39on America's Funniest Video.
38:41We have to send this in.
38:43See?
38:44See, you a smart woman.
38:45You a smart woman.
38:46You know a good video
38:48when you see one.
38:49Well, I'm just glad
38:50you sent us the video
38:52instead of that keychain,
38:53okay?
38:54Yes.
38:54Yes.
38:55All right.
38:55Good luck, y'all.
38:58Finally,
38:59girl or boy,
38:59it shouldn't matter,
39:00but dad can't hide
39:01his excitement
39:02at finding out
39:03it's the latter.
39:03It's Boy, Oh Boy,
39:05Dad's Filled with Joy,
39:06sent in by Caitlin Hernandez
39:08from Clarkston, Michigan.
39:11I already know.
39:13Oh, my God.
39:29joining us are caitlin arthur and sunny so arthur caitlin told the producers that actually
39:35both of you were hoping for a girl so why were you so excited to find out it was a
39:40boy
39:40we were hoping for a girl but we had a feeling it was going to be a boy
39:45and as soon as we saw the blue sprinkles come out i don't know i just i just kind of
39:50lost it man
39:50and look at that look at that well that was very cool well i'm curious to see how excited he
39:56gets
39:57if you guys win tonight that's what i'm excited about yeah all right well good luck y'all good
40:02luck thank you all right we're gonna find out who takes home the cash in just a minute but first
40:06let's take a look at some of the clips that didn't make our top three in tonight's honorable mention
40:48okay it's time to hand out tonight's prize that's 20 000 for first 6 000 for second and 4 000
40:53for
40:54third here we go our third place four thousand dollar winner is drive you insane keychain sent in
41:01by sherry cooley from jolton illinois yes thank you and the winner of the 20 000 and tonight's funniest
41:11home video is not par for the course sent in by jolland paulson from two falls south dakota
41:18we have katie and ryan yes congratulations but be honest have you forgiven jolland for the fake snake
41:29yet or is there a revenge plan in the works there will be a revenge plan but they're still our
41:36really
41:37good friends okay well you better make sure you send us that video okay we will absolutely absolutely
41:42well jolland couldn't be here today i understand he had to take his fake snake to a fake veterinarian
41:49yep well congratulations you got twenty thousand dollars and a shot at a hundred thousand dollars
41:55congratulations that's our show which proves all good things must come to an end come to think of
42:03it all bad things must come to an end too which is a good thing see you next time and
42:08remember send
42:08your video to me you might win 20 g's good night y'all
42:11thank you
42:19so
42:19so
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