- 2 hours ago
The Grand-ish Tour (2026) Season 1 Episode 1
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00:00:00BOOM!
00:00:01BOOM!
00:00:03BOOM!
00:00:05BOOM!
00:00:09BOOM!
00:00:11BOOM!
00:00:12BOOM!
00:00:37After the three of us finished filming in Zimbabwe,
00:00:42we thought we'd never work together ever again.
00:00:46But because Amazon's lawyers are better than our lawyers,
00:00:50here we are!
00:00:53We are literally propelled onto your screen by small print,
00:00:57which I didn't read.
00:00:58I couldn't read the small print. I can't read anything.
00:01:01Exactly. Anyway, listen.
00:01:03Here's the deal.
00:01:05Amazon's lawyers have told us
00:01:07that we must come together once more
00:01:10and reminisce about all of our exploits and adventures
00:01:15on the Grand Tour.
00:01:16But there is a bit of a problem with that
00:01:19because my colleague here, my former colleague,
00:01:21well, my current...
00:01:21My colleague again, let's say, Mr Hammond,
00:01:24has no memory at all.
00:01:27None.
00:01:28Or have you?
00:01:29I can't remember.
00:01:30I don't remember anything.
00:01:32I know we worked together.
00:01:34Yes, we did.
00:01:35But I have no recollection of doing genuinely nothing.
00:01:39Do you remember which one you were?
00:01:41Which supermarket we worked in? I don't know.
00:01:43Anyway, we're all here together now in an old people's home.
00:01:46We're going to reminisce and you're going to try and keep up.
00:01:49Can you remember, for example, going to Morocco?
00:01:53Uh, drove down a ski slope in Jaguars?
00:01:58No, that wasn't Morocco.
00:01:59You were in an MX-5.
00:02:01In Morocco?
00:02:02Yes, and I was in that thing that went...
00:02:04that company that went bust.
00:02:06The orange one.
00:02:07Yeah.
00:02:07Anyway, yes, there was that.
00:02:08I was in an MX-5 in Morocco.
00:02:10You're getting muddled up.
00:02:11We were in Colorado.
00:02:13Telluride.
00:02:15In an MX-5?
00:02:16No, that's the Jaguars going down the ski slopes.
00:02:18In Morocco?
00:02:19No, in Colorado.
00:02:22Go back to the beginning.
00:02:24The very beginning.
00:02:25Can you remember driving through a desert
00:02:29and we all had Mustangs?
00:02:30Slightly different Mustangs, all specials.
00:02:33We got to an enormous...
00:02:34There was a band on the stage.
00:02:35Yes.
00:02:36Exactly, Hothouse Flowers.
00:02:37Yes!
00:02:38I can see clearly now the rain has gone
00:02:45I can see all obstacles in my way
00:02:52Gone of the dark clouds that had me blind
00:02:57Gonna be a bright, sunshiny day
00:03:05Think I can make it now the pain is gone
00:03:11All of the bad feelings have disappeared
00:03:16All of the bad feelings have disappeared
00:03:18Here is the rainbow I've been praying for
00:03:22It's gonna be a bright, satanic day
00:03:31You can make it now the rain has gone
00:03:38It's gonna be red, sunshine again
00:03:44Only red, sunshine again
00:03:44I can see clearly now the rain is gone
00:03:48It's gonna be red sunshine again
00:03:53I'm leaving
00:03:56I'm searching for
00:03:59Take it away
00:04:45I'm searching for
00:04:56Take it away
00:05:26I'm searching for
00:05:31I'm searching for
00:05:35Take it away
00:05:37I'm searching for
00:05:48Hello everybody!
00:05:52Oh hello
00:05:56Mate! Mate! Thank God you're here!
00:06:00What's the matter with him?
00:06:02Well, for the first time in my life I'm rather glad you're here
00:06:06Because he thinks he's discovered an ancient civilization
00:06:09And he got very excited
00:06:11And I couldn't say, no Hammond, it's not real
00:06:13It's a film set
00:06:14That is where they filmed Astrid Snoblicks
00:06:17And that is where they filmed Game of Thrones
00:06:29I'll tell you what this place has never been used at
00:06:32What?
00:06:33A racetrack
00:06:36Right, are we ready, James May?
00:06:38In three, two, one
00:06:40Begin!
00:06:49Well, where's the bend?
00:06:56Oh, balls!
00:06:57Do you know what worries me, most of all?
00:06:58It's the poor little man who's mortgaged his house
00:07:01To start Xenos
00:07:03And that he's lent it to us
00:07:04On the television
00:07:05All over the world
00:07:06Which one's driving it?
00:07:08Oh, no
00:07:12Heading for Nazareth, I think
00:07:20All over the place
00:07:29Round and round the thingy
00:07:31Go on!
00:07:38Fast, faster, faster
00:07:51Well, this only goes up to 999 hours, sadly
00:07:55Right
00:07:56But it's okay, you were just in that time
00:07:59Awesome
00:07:59James, did you manage to drive whilst dragging your face along the ground?
00:08:04A lot of dust comes in
00:08:05Why don't you wind the windows up?
00:08:08You're funny men
00:08:11In three, two, one
00:08:14Go!
00:08:20Let's make this count
00:08:26Oh, no!
00:08:38Sideways in linen
00:08:53Get the throne, sir
00:09:03Understeering
00:09:05Turn, turn
00:09:09Come on, let's get that turbocharger singing
00:09:13Pin it now
00:09:25Well, he arrived
00:09:27Ready?
00:09:28Yes
00:09:28In three, two, one
00:09:30Go!
00:09:34Right, this is it
00:09:53Can't afford a single error
00:10:04Can't afford a single error
00:10:10Oh, this is a hot lap
00:10:12Oh, this is a hot lap
00:10:21Here he comes
00:10:39Don't look over that edge
00:10:41But there's a bit of lead
00:10:43It gets really steep
00:10:45People do this for fun, yeah?
00:10:47Not in old jags
00:10:48Oh, yeah, you're right
00:10:53We set off
00:10:56Gingerly
00:10:59Just an ordinary drive
00:11:01Just an ordinary drive
00:11:12It's in case I need to bail out
00:11:16Steering wheel's working a bit
00:11:20Oh, God
00:11:24What you'll be wary of
00:11:26It's losing the back of the car
00:11:28Oh, Christ
00:11:31Practice braking
00:11:32Practice braking
00:11:34Nothing
00:11:37I'm just going to write a book
00:11:38While we don't stop
00:11:39Yeah, here we are
00:11:40Still not stopping
00:11:41Picking up speed
00:11:43Oh, my God
00:11:45Garden Oakry's old now
00:11:50Oh, my kiddiard
00:11:52This is quick now
00:11:56Oh, ho, ho, ho
00:11:59Don't even change up again
00:12:00That was a mistake
00:12:01That was a massive mistake
00:12:07Just going a straight line
00:12:08You bastard
00:12:13Just turn, turn, turn, turn, turn
00:12:16Oh
00:12:18But none of us died
00:12:20And then jagskiing
00:12:21Started to come together
00:12:34Oh, yes
00:12:35This is
00:12:35I'm slalom skiing now
00:12:37Is what I'm doing
00:12:37And I'm doing it well
00:12:46Eventually, we started on the final leg
00:12:49Down into the town
00:12:50And Richard and I
00:12:52Got into a bit of a race
00:12:55Come on
00:12:55Come on
00:12:56Come on
00:12:56Come on
00:12:56Come on
00:12:57Give me a little bit more go
00:13:01Whoa
00:13:02That was a biggie
00:13:03Meanwhile
00:13:04A little further back
00:13:09I've got a brake warning light on
00:13:11I don't know what that means
00:13:12Padware
00:13:13System failure
00:13:15God knows
00:13:18There's the town
00:13:19We're coming in hot
00:13:21And stylishly
00:13:23And we wouldn't have to walk to the hotel
00:13:26In silly boots
00:13:28We'd simply drive there
00:13:31Oh, hello
00:13:33Whoa
00:13:35Whoa
00:13:38Oh
00:13:39Oh, no
00:13:42Oh, there's been an accident
00:13:49Damn
00:13:49Right
00:13:53Only we
00:13:55No, look
00:13:56We meant to park them there
00:13:57They look good
00:13:59Oh, no
00:14:01Oh, just keep working brakes
00:14:03For another ten seconds or so
00:14:06Exactly where we wanted them to be
00:14:08And that's where they are
00:14:09And that's good
00:14:10Anyway
00:14:11The thing is
00:14:12That we got here
00:14:14Well, there
00:14:15Without
00:14:16A single problem
00:14:17And with a very definite conclusion
00:14:20By an XJR
00:14:22Whoa, no, hang on
00:14:23The whole point of this exercise
00:14:24Was to demonstrate
00:14:24Jaguar's reliability
00:14:26As a make
00:14:27Yes, but we have
00:14:28And now that we've also
00:14:29What?
00:14:30Oh
00:14:31Oh
00:14:35That opening
00:14:36In the desert
00:14:37We set a very high bar
00:14:38With that, didn't we?
00:14:39Yep, so high
00:14:40We never got
00:14:41We never got near it again
00:14:43If we're honest
00:14:44No, we didn't
00:14:45We really didn't
00:14:46No
00:14:47It's just amazing, though
00:14:49When we're forced to sit here
00:14:52Remembering and reminiscing
00:14:54What has stuck in the mind?
00:14:57Rationing
00:14:58Is it amazing?
00:15:00Yeah
00:15:02Well, ordinarily you go through a day
00:15:03And you're not thinking about
00:15:04What you've done with your life
00:15:05But when you're forced
00:15:06By Amazon's lawyers
00:15:08To do it
00:15:09Lots of things stick
00:15:39Yeah, there was an old car factory
00:15:41An accident-prone driver
00:15:42We thought it best
00:15:43That the God-fearing exorcist
00:15:45Should christen it
00:15:57So bumpy
00:16:00What the hell is this?
00:16:11What's that?
00:16:11Some sort of chicane
00:16:12He's put in there
00:16:15Whoa
00:16:16Slippery
00:16:17That's slippery as hell
00:16:19What?
00:16:20That
00:16:20That's unbelievably narrow
00:16:23What's he thinking of?
00:16:30Oh, hello
00:16:32Here he comes
00:16:37After his run
00:16:39James couldn't wait
00:16:40To give Hammond
00:16:41Some constructive feedback
00:16:44I just want to say
00:16:45Hammond
00:16:45You witless dishcloth
00:16:47That is the worst racetrack
00:16:49I've ever been around
00:16:49It's slippery
00:16:50It's full of holes
00:16:51It's full of obstacles
00:16:52For you to crash into
00:16:54It's narrow
00:16:54It's challenging
00:16:55Is it technical?
00:16:56It's not challenging
00:16:56It's only about that much bigger
00:16:57Than the car
00:16:58And it's made of butter
00:17:00And
00:17:01It appears to be
00:17:02Full of asbestos waste
00:17:03Oh, it is full of asbestos
00:17:05Oh, yeah
00:17:05I'm sorry about that
00:17:05Oh, well, thank you
00:17:06Sorry
00:17:06Yeah, close your window
00:17:14All of us then
00:17:16Set about our practice laps
00:17:17On Hammond's death trap
00:17:19Thin bits
00:17:21Oh, God
00:17:24We'll see a bloody thing
00:17:29My own car doesn't fit
00:17:31Round my own racetrack
00:17:33What have I done?
00:17:36Despite the peril, though
00:17:38We gave it everything
00:17:43And by the end of the session
00:17:45There was nothing in it
00:17:47Between the demon
00:17:48And the exorcist
00:17:51The Mustang, though
00:17:53That was in a league of its own
00:18:0856.4
00:18:12Yes, you're fastest
00:18:13Well, of course it's the fastest
00:18:15It's a muscle car
00:18:16That handles
00:18:18However, these were just
00:18:20Unofficial practice laps
00:18:22Now it was time
00:18:24For the one shot
00:18:25Winner takes all
00:18:26Real thing
00:18:29In
00:18:30Three
00:18:31Two
00:18:31One
00:18:32Begin
00:18:48Massive bump
00:18:50Oh, God
00:18:56Hammond
00:19:00Slippery
00:19:01And here he is
00:19:06Here he comes
00:19:12I pooped myself
00:19:13Funny noise
00:19:16However, the trouser accident
00:19:18Had clearly been worth it
00:19:20You've just broken your own record
00:19:23Well, that's remarkable
00:19:2459.66
00:19:26Really?
00:19:27Yep
00:19:27I'm happy with that
00:19:28And I haven't hit any famous musicians
00:19:30Or bits of old car factory
00:19:34Next, it was the turn
00:19:35Of Corporal Crash
00:19:39Where's the fire engine gone?
00:19:41Fire engine's over there
00:19:42Ambulance is
00:19:43Oh, we're all comedians today
00:19:45Yeah
00:19:45Yeah
00:19:45Remember
00:19:46If you lose to James May
00:19:48It's more humiliating
00:19:50It's worse than death
00:19:51In three
00:19:53Two
00:19:53One
00:19:54Go
00:19:59Looking for grip
00:20:01Turning neat
00:20:02Crisp
00:20:03By the edge
00:20:03Whoa
00:20:05Oh, he's gone over the edge
00:20:07Again
00:20:13Hammond's lap's going well
00:20:15Yeah, isn't it?
00:20:24Is that Madonna?
00:20:25That's Madonna
00:20:26Yeah, I don't know
00:20:29And we're in the open
00:20:32Oh, Christ
00:20:36Yes, though
00:20:37Beelzebub's got a bit of understeer there
00:20:42That felt good
00:20:43It felt like a quick one
00:20:47I don't know how to put this to you, but
00:20:53No
00:20:55No, no, no
00:20:56No, no, no
00:20:570.4 of a second
00:20:58Slower than James May
00:21:01This is what death feels like
00:21:03Okay, get out of the demon
00:21:05We've done the demon and the exorcist
00:21:07It's time for the blue nun
00:21:09Blue nun?
00:21:10Yeah
00:21:11Yeah
00:21:15Totally pointless waste of time there
00:21:18We've established the Mustang as the fastest
00:21:20By an enormous margin
00:21:25But I'll go and do it, I suppose
00:21:29Jeremy Smug in My Little Pony
00:21:32Are you ready?
00:21:33In
00:21:33Three
00:21:34Two
00:21:35One
00:21:36Begin
00:21:43Oh, yes
00:21:45This is a properly sorted track car
00:21:48That's what we're looking at here
00:21:51Properly sorted it may be
00:21:53But I had a plan that would spoil its afternoon
00:21:58You're running
00:21:59I know, but you'll see
00:22:00I've got to get down to this corner before he gets back
00:22:03Help me tip this over
00:22:04What is it?
00:22:06It's organic palm oil
00:22:07Very slippery
00:22:08It's the revenge of the urban farmer
00:22:13Into the blind bend
00:22:15There is Stevie Wonder
00:22:19You do know it's palm oil that's ruining life for the world's orangutans
00:22:23Only this one
00:22:23Come on
00:22:25Come on
00:22:26Short shifting into third
00:22:40Right, we've just got to find a bit where we can get inland
00:22:43Before the tide comes in
00:22:51That is getting closer to that
00:22:53When that happens
00:22:54We've had it
00:22:59But as we thundered along
00:23:01The dunes refused to open up and let us in
00:23:06That's the sea
00:23:08It's the sea there
00:23:11Oh, it's coming at me
00:23:15I still say we can't get out here, look
00:23:18No left turn at the moment
00:23:23This is where you need a V8
00:23:29Oh, shit
00:23:31Oh, Jeremy's in trouble
00:23:33That is not looking good
00:23:37Come on
00:23:37Come on
00:23:38Come on
00:23:38Whoa
00:23:40Oh, no
00:23:44Oh, no
00:23:45No, no, no, no, no
00:23:46Not a good place
00:23:48Oh, God
00:23:49I'm in the sea
00:23:52Because it was a bit of an emergency
00:23:54My colleagues decided to help for once
00:23:56So
00:23:57James, count us in
00:23:59Three, two, one
00:24:01Away
00:24:06Yes
00:24:07Right, let's go
00:24:14Jesus Christ
00:24:17Ah, it's coming in
00:24:22Come on
00:24:23Come on
00:24:24Come on
00:24:28Whoa
00:24:34Oh
00:24:35Oh
00:24:37Oh, that's bad
00:24:42Shit
00:24:48Come on
00:24:50Come on
00:24:53Mercifully
00:24:54The dunes finally started to fall away
00:24:57And we were saved
00:25:02And we're through
00:25:03We are
00:25:03We are
00:25:05That's a relief
00:25:08So nearly got stuck then
00:25:21We were going to see which of our cars was the best at skioring
00:25:25A sport in which you race round a frozen lake
00:25:28While towing a skier
00:25:31Mad?
00:25:33You don't even know the half of it
00:25:37One of them has only got one leg
00:25:39What?
00:25:44But did he lose the other one doing this?
00:25:47Good afternoon, gentlemen
00:25:48Hello
00:25:49Good afternoon
00:25:51There then followed a typically verbose Scandinavian conversation
00:25:56Do you do it here because there aren't very many mountains to ski on?
00:25:59Yeah
00:26:01How do you win?
00:26:03The fastest wins
00:26:08Soon though, the chat started to flow
00:26:11How fast do you normally go?
00:26:14How fast do you normally go?
00:26:14120
00:26:14What?
00:26:16120
00:26:16I wouldn't do that without a ski
00:26:18That's kilometres an hour, yes?
00:26:19Kilometres per hour
00:26:20But it's still
00:26:20That's still 70
00:26:21Yes
00:26:22That was 70 miles an hour
00:26:23Yeah
00:26:24Closer to 80
00:26:25What?
00:26:26Yeah
00:26:26Well, what?
00:26:27We've never done this
00:26:28So we won't go that fast
00:26:30But you can still enjoy it
00:26:31Well, that's sort of up to us, really
00:26:32That's the problem
00:26:32It's up to us
00:26:34We have done a little bit of driving around this track
00:26:36Well, I have, yeah
00:26:37And when you're following the other one
00:26:38He doesn't know what he's going to do in the corner
00:26:41How he's going to do it
00:26:42Is he going to turn early
00:26:43I don't know what the car's going to do
00:26:44Yeah, but your cars are intact
00:26:47I mean, not my middle
00:26:48No, his isn't
00:26:49Yeah
00:26:49But your cars
00:26:50Yeah
00:26:50He just looked at the middle pedal and thought
00:26:53No, I don't need that
00:26:59Here we go
00:27:07There's a man in the rearview mirror
00:27:09And he's keeping up, old mate
00:27:10That's alarming
00:27:15Where does it go?
00:27:21Got to go off the pedal
00:27:24Oh, what bollocks that
00:27:28Oh, sorry
00:27:3365 miles per hour
00:27:34And he's still there
00:27:45And that's 80 miles an hour
00:27:47We've just achieved
00:27:49I want to catch Jeremy
00:27:50More than anything else in the world
00:27:52But I don't want to kill someone else doing it
00:27:58Herman's gaining
00:27:59He is gaining
00:28:00He wants me to go faster
00:28:02He's bloody nuts
00:28:05I went blind
00:28:06No
00:28:08No
00:28:12I had the lead
00:28:18That was a mistake
00:28:24Shit
00:28:25I've lost him
00:28:28Right, last lap
00:28:30Through the chicane-y bit
00:28:35Come on
00:28:37Nothing's good
00:28:38But it doesn't mean cubes
00:28:41And I have
00:28:42A lot of cubes
00:28:52Come on
00:28:52Come on
00:28:53The power of the V8 is mighty
00:28:56Yes
00:28:58Got him back
00:29:00Oh, I forgot to check
00:29:01He's still there
00:29:10I'll have that
00:29:11Thank you very much
00:29:14Having finally got the queen into the car
00:29:17We were now faced with a perilous drive to the embassy
00:29:22However, this did at least mean I could get back to my day job
00:29:28Let me talk you through the car
00:29:29This is the S8 Plus
00:29:32Now the Plus means it has 80 more horsepower than the standard car
00:29:36That means not to 60 in 3.8 seconds
00:29:40Top speed, 190
00:29:42That's very interesting
00:29:48The immense power is harnessed not only by all-wheel drive
00:29:52But also by ceramic brakes
00:29:56An electronic differential
00:29:58There's a time and a place for talking about that stuff, mate
00:30:01Sitting behind a six-foot, five-inch driver means that rear legroom isn't rather at a premium
00:30:06Having said that, however, for a high-performance saloon, the ride quality is really rather good
00:30:11Will you two stop reviewing the car?
00:30:16Do you have an opinion, the queen?
00:30:18Not now!
00:30:23Hold it steady, I'm going to shoot them
00:30:28Shoot him in the face!
00:30:32Have you come, sir?
00:30:38Living Daylights, Transporter 2 and 3, Taken, Roaming
00:30:42Why are you listing films?
00:30:44Because all those films had a big Audi saloon in them, going quickly
00:30:48It is the car of choice for the Hollywood hero
00:30:52Shut up!
00:30:57What's the top speed of that thing, James, do you reckon?
00:31:00What, 90 miles an hour?
00:31:01Well, here is a top tip for Hollywood heroes
00:31:06If you're being chased by a car which is slower than the car you're in
00:31:10Simply drive faster than it
00:31:15See, that's what Nick Cage ought to have thought about, really, in The Rock
00:31:18And that man in Rome with the S.A. chasing the Citrus
00:31:21Stop talking about films!
00:31:24There's a mogi waxing our tail
00:31:26Oh, God!
00:31:26We're going to shoot his petrol tank
00:31:28James, there's no point shooting his petrol tank
00:31:30Petrol only blows up in films
00:31:40Well, that's not strictly accurate
00:31:43Where the bloody hell is the embassy?
00:31:45Down here
00:31:47That is promising
00:31:48There it is
00:31:49There it is
00:31:51Right, you get the Queen to safety
00:31:53I'll cover you
00:31:54Okay, I'm on it
00:31:55Right, good
00:31:55Go, go, go, go, go!
00:31:57Your Majesty
00:31:58Really quick, you can't see
00:32:01You can't see
00:32:01That will be
00:32:01I hope you can't see
00:32:03You can't see
00:32:04You can't see
00:32:06You can't see
00:32:11You can't see
00:32:19Come on, Jeremy
00:32:19Come on
00:32:20You're doing the best
00:32:24With the blast
00:32:26I'm so rude
00:32:27I just didn't see
00:32:28keep moving
00:32:30they've done it again james you're missing this you cannot modernize the royalty because royalty is
00:32:39at the very best a medieval concept
00:32:41oh
00:32:57he's still going
00:33:20james he's dead
00:33:23no wait a minute he's going again he's moving again jeremy come on you can do it
00:33:28come on keep going come on this is it hammond there's the finish line am i going the right
00:33:34way more or less you could maybe roll over it you could do it
00:33:38oh yes we have done it oh
00:33:45have you come far
00:33:51the really strange thing is we all of us loved making that film when we were doing it we were
00:33:58going this is brilliant we got back and it was edited and we saw well this is fantastic and it
00:34:03was only the second program we'd done wasn't it it's only the second ever grand tour and then it
00:34:08went on television everybody hated it literally everyone with the amount because if that's what
00:34:14the grand tour is going to be like we're never going to watch it ever again we was so proud
00:34:19and
00:34:19excited and i do remember filming it i remember the day i remember it was huge fun and we said
00:34:24to the
00:34:24world what do you think of this and the world says we hate it i think the fundamental problem is
00:34:31that the ladies and gentlemen at home don't really enjoy it when we're having fun
00:34:37i think they prefer it when we're miserable yeah and there's been plenty of times when we have been oh
00:34:45yes
00:34:54he's not going to do it
00:35:00follow
00:35:12i need a toe toe
00:35:17this is me saving james mate it's not ideal but
00:35:25jeremy is ready
00:35:31keep going
00:35:35what is that noise
00:35:43that's my gearbox
00:35:44oh you
00:35:47good luck
00:35:57ready steady and break testing james may
00:36:06no
00:36:09you're not helping with the transport of live fish this is supposed to be a group effort
00:36:14hope someone's fallen over in the road nothing i can do
00:36:21oh no red dust oh god here we go
00:36:28it doesn't look like anything much but this soft red sand sits on a very hard subsurface
00:36:34and it is simply impossible to ride the bike over that it just has no grip
00:36:46you know
00:36:47front end got away from me
00:36:50there's only another hundred blocks for this
00:36:54Oh, for the f**k's sake.
00:36:58Oh! Oh!
00:37:02Come on, stop it! Oh, f**k!
00:37:08Shit!
00:37:10Oh! Oh, here we go again.
00:37:13Yep. No. Yep.
00:37:15Do you know, James, it's actually possible to get bored
00:37:19with watching Hammond fall off a motorcycle.
00:37:23Oh, f**k!
00:37:24Ow, bollocks!
00:37:26Let's find out what lies in here for you.
00:37:28Come on.
00:37:36Oh, dearie me.
00:37:38I think you've drowned your hog.
00:37:43As the afternoon wore on,
00:37:46the roads became even worse.
00:37:52Come on!
00:37:53And the human terrapin was really starting to slow me down.
00:38:02Oh, bollocks!
00:38:07Ha-ha! I can go in the middle, you see?
00:38:12Oh!
00:38:21Yes! The green on 89th!
00:38:26And the green on 90th!
00:38:29We are screaming along now!
00:38:32We are screaming along now!
00:38:40Come on!
00:38:44Come on, come on, come on!
00:38:46Come on!
00:38:50Come on!
00:38:51Come on!
00:38:55That's cold, then.
00:38:56Yeah.
00:38:58But what happened there is, basically, we missed a train
00:39:00because you don't need to slow down when it says finish across the road.
00:39:05Oh, nice!
00:39:05I'm sorry to put it bluntly like that, but that's exactly what happened there.
00:39:21James?
00:39:24Nothing. Don't worry.
00:39:26What?
00:39:26Nothing.
00:39:29Ow!
00:39:30There's nobody else disabled down here.
00:39:32Oh, I'd be better if I could sit in that special seat that's reserved for me.
00:39:37It's reserved for disabled people.
00:39:39Like me!
00:39:39But you're not disabled.
00:39:41Temporarily, yes, I am.
00:39:42What do you mean?
00:39:42You're not disabled.
00:39:43You've had a playground injury as a result of your own half-wittedness.
00:39:47That's not disabled.
00:39:48I'm surprised you don't do more charity work than differently abled.
00:39:55Oh, look.
00:39:59Oh.
00:40:00Oh, that's not worked, has it?
00:40:06What bloody noise, honestly.
00:40:08Well, what can I do about it?
00:40:08Put some springs in them or something.
00:40:27You do realise this is not a self-propelled one, it hasn't got the big wheels, you'll have to push
00:40:31me.
00:40:32Yeah, that's alright.
00:40:33Cool.
00:40:33It's better than listening to that clink, chink, clink, chink noise for the rest of the day.
00:40:41Right.
00:40:44Get everything from out of your pockets, please.
00:40:47Come down.
00:40:48Nice.
00:40:51We'll have a mat pat it down.
00:40:53I want to.
00:40:53Pat it down.
00:40:54Yeah, okay.
00:40:55Alright, so I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to give you a pat down today, okay?
00:40:58Alright, so the pat down consists of me starting from the top, all the way to the top of your
00:41:02feet.
00:41:03For your sensitive areas, I have to use the back of my hands, in a sliding motion, from
00:41:07your waist, going down, over your groin, and across your groin as well.
00:41:11I'm going to go up and down, okay?
00:41:18I'm going down.
00:41:24Ow!
00:41:25Sorry.
00:41:25Has he got to go in that?
00:41:26Yes, he is.
00:41:31Okay, Steve on board.
00:41:35Hello, welcome aboard.
00:41:36Hello.
00:41:38Oh, God.
00:41:40Hello.
00:41:43Yeah.
00:41:47Okay.
00:41:55How's it going in the sermon?
00:41:58It's just, honestly, it's a walk in the park.
00:42:01What about you?
00:42:02It's a bit squeaky, but it keeps going.
00:42:06But what I'd love to know is what's happening in the catering.
00:42:11Oh, Jesus.
00:42:14Oh.
00:42:15That is turds.
00:42:17Jesus.
00:42:20Oh.
00:42:21The water is like a bath that someone's had diarrhoea in.
00:42:26Oh, dear.
00:42:28Bullard.
00:42:31Ah!
00:42:34Ah!
00:42:39Oh, shitty deck.
00:42:41I'll just adjust the temperature down to, you know, 22 degrees.
00:42:45I think it would be better.
00:42:47Adjust the lumbar support using this button down here.
00:42:53How much more of this is there?
00:42:56Oh, Jesus.
00:43:00Things were so bad that at the next ferry crossing,
00:43:03it looked like he was going to try and make the far bank
00:43:06without a boat.
00:43:11Wouldn't you?
00:43:12Yeah, I would.
00:43:13I mean, somebody said to me,
00:43:15yes, there are sharks in there.
00:43:17I'd still say, I don't care.
00:43:19I don't care.
00:43:23As we left the ferry, James was much happier and cleaner.
00:43:28Oh, I'm feeling pretty good now.
00:43:38Give me strength!
00:43:44Can I just say...
00:43:46What?
00:43:46The misery there that you talked about was mainly mine, wasn't it?
00:43:50Not yours.
00:43:51And a little bit of his.
00:43:52Yeah, it was yours.
00:43:53It was quite rare that all three of us were miserable at the same time.
00:43:58Generally, it's one or two miserable.
00:44:00But how about, for a combination of misery and terror,
00:44:05do you remember the South China Sea?
00:44:12God of fuck, this is just awful.
00:44:22I'm going to throw up at this rate, not because of seasickness,
00:44:25but because of the amount of salt water in the bag.
00:44:40Oh!
00:44:41Let's go!
00:44:52Oh!
00:44:53This is a lot worse than I thought it was going to be.
00:45:03Jesus Christ!
00:45:05One big wave goes in there, I'm going to get very nose-heavy
00:45:08and I cannot realistically get up there to put it back.
00:45:14Meanwhile, I'd finally managed to put my roof up.
00:45:18Oh, yes. There's a chance. There's a chance.
00:45:22Which was time well spent.
00:45:26Holy shit!
00:45:32Oh, bollocks!
00:45:40Stop doing that!
00:45:44The good news is, Hammond, it can't be worse than that.
00:45:52But it did get worse.
00:46:03Oh!
00:46:06Lord!
00:46:11Jeez!
00:46:12This is stupid!
00:46:15He's got a snap!
00:46:28I just pissed myself standing up where I was.
00:46:31Anything else is not an option.
00:46:35Oh!
00:46:36Oh!
00:46:36Jesus!
00:46:37What?
00:46:40Oh!
00:46:45One of our camera boats was in very big trouble.
00:46:49Bloody hell!
00:46:50We're taking too much water.
00:46:52It's a bit dangerous.
00:46:54We'll never get there at this rate.
00:46:57And James had completely lost control of his antique.
00:47:01No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
00:47:03Oh, no!
00:47:05Oh!
00:47:24I mean, he was a bit miserable, I'd met, but I wasn't very frightened.
00:47:27Not for me.
00:47:28I was utterly miserable and terrified.
00:47:31I wasn't, so that's not all three of us.
00:47:35For terror, I would go for driving that Aston Martin...
00:47:42...DB4, you know, the newly built vintage...
00:47:45Oh, yeah, old chassis number.
00:47:47...around that very bank circuit in Spain.
00:47:51I just had a sense all the time that this is going to go wrong.
00:48:0860 miles an hour as I approach...
00:48:11Whoa!
00:48:12Big bottle there.
00:48:13The first corner.
00:48:16Whoa!
00:48:17Steering's not very weird.
00:48:20The bumps are so unnerving.
00:48:24Jesus!
00:48:25Apparently, some of them are so violent they could make the car jump.
00:48:31Four feet to the right.
00:48:38Right, this is it.
00:48:40Let's see how fast I can make this thing go.
00:48:58Oh, my giddy-o, man.
00:49:00Jesus Christ!
00:49:09That's bumpy!
00:49:10Shit!
00:49:11F**k!
00:49:13Oh, f**k me!
00:49:15Ah!
00:49:28That's one of the scariest things I've ever done in a car.
00:49:32Ever.
00:49:34Ah, terror and a sense of it could go wrong.
00:49:37Was that as terrifying as driving a gigantic pickup truck
00:49:40over a spindly bridge in Colombia?
00:49:50Oh, God.
00:50:00The only way I can do this is by looking at the driver's side tyre
00:50:02and keeping it as close as I can to that edge
00:50:05and hoping to God that gives me enough.
00:50:07Oh, Christ.
00:50:15Oh, Jesus.
00:50:17I'm shaking all over.
00:50:19I can do this.
00:50:21I'm just going to look at the wood.
00:50:22Not at what's below.
00:50:23Just look at the wood.
00:50:27Ah!
00:50:32Jesus Christ, no, I'm too close to the edge.
00:50:41Ah!
00:50:43Ah!
00:50:45Ah!
00:50:46God!
00:50:52I think I might be sick.
00:50:55I will get there.
00:50:57Crossing this bridge is just part of my journey.
00:51:04Who is that clippity-clopping across my bridge?
00:51:07Oh, God!
00:51:12Not the Billy Goat grab game.
00:51:14Mm-hmm. I will move my jeep out of your way.
00:51:17Er, if you can answer this simple prog rock question.
00:51:20Let me off the bridge or I'm going to be sick, please.
00:51:23I was gripped with it. It was horrid.
00:51:26I was quite scared driving a panda over the spindly bridge.
00:51:29Yeah.
00:51:29No.
00:51:30Wait.
00:51:31I've got it.
00:51:32That pond bug that you two built, the three-wheeler aqua car.
00:51:39Oh, yes.
00:51:40Yes, you...
00:51:41Oh, yes, he said enthusiastically.
00:51:43No, I'm thinking the bomb bug turned into a...
00:51:45Yes.
00:51:46And then you two built it.
00:51:47Mm-hmm.
00:51:48And then you said to me, you drive it, and while you're at it, set a new water speed record
00:51:53for amphibious cars.
00:51:54We gave you all the glory.
00:51:57That's right. We did the work. You got the prize.
00:52:12Miser down.
00:52:16It's on the plane now. We're on the plane.
00:52:19It's very spray-y. It's a badly designed hull.
00:52:25Jesus Christ, this steering!
00:52:29God!
00:52:32It's a nightmare.
00:52:35I can't steer it.
00:52:37I literally cannot steer it.
00:52:40I think he's experimenting with it.
00:52:42I think he's sort of testing.
00:52:44Oh, my God!
00:52:47God!
00:52:49It looks pretty good.
00:52:50It looks fabulous.
00:52:51I bet it handles like a dream.
00:52:52Oh, come on!
00:52:53The crash into the bloody safety boat.
00:52:58Look, he's making turns.
00:52:59That looks tremendous.
00:53:00Yes!
00:53:02Three times I tried to get the pond bug pointing in the right direction.
00:53:09Absolutely impossible.
00:53:11And then I thought, sod it.
00:53:13Put my foot down.
00:53:15And went for it.
00:53:20Oh, Christ!
00:53:21It's only my skill that is keeping this pointing in a straight line.
00:53:30I've got a GPS speedo, but I can't read it because there isn't any GPS.
00:53:39Why have they given me such shoddy workmanship?
00:53:42I can't read it.
00:53:44Oh, heaven!
00:53:49Oh, Christ!
00:53:51That's the worst thing I've ever done.
00:53:53Ever.
00:53:54And now, I've got to turn around and do it again.
00:53:57And I've got to wait for my own wash to die down.
00:53:59That's what did for Campbell.
00:54:00He went back too quickly.
00:54:06Here we go.
00:54:12That is my foot pinned to the floor.
00:54:18Jesus!
00:54:19It's starting to turn warm!
00:54:23It's really bad!
00:54:29And then...
00:54:30Oh, my God!
00:54:32Oh, no!
00:54:32We've got a power problem!
00:54:34I'm losing power!
00:54:37May and Hammond have built a piece of shit here!
00:54:42It sounds a little bit inconsistent.
00:54:46That's maybe him feathering the throttle.
00:54:48He's possibly finessing it to keep it on the plane.
00:54:52Oh, no! Come on!
00:55:02Jesus, a lot of smoke.
00:55:05Well, that was a disaster.
00:55:07I've got no GPS, so I don't know how fast that was.
00:55:11And the engine is cutting out all the time.
00:55:15Basically, it was time for a stern word with the engineering department.
00:55:21Right, you two.
00:55:22Yeah?
00:55:22Not only have you built something ugly and complicated...
00:55:25It's not!
00:55:25No, it's rubbish and lethal.
00:55:27In what way?
00:55:28The worst thing is the steering.
00:55:29You cannot get it going in a straight line.
00:55:32The steering is a horrible compromise,
00:55:34because it's got to work the steering wheel and it's got to steer the bay.
00:55:36No, a horrible compromise is a way of describing it.
00:55:38Oh, lethal is another way.
00:55:41It looked great.
00:55:42It looked great out there.
00:55:43Did it?
00:55:44Oh, yeah.
00:55:44I was doing about four miles an hour.
00:55:47Well, that's a start.
00:55:47Right.
00:55:48See, group 46 for Bomberg.
00:55:50Bomberg.
00:55:51Jeremy Barton.
00:55:52Yeah.
00:55:53South.
00:55:5447.362.
00:55:57Interest.
00:55:5848.274.
00:56:00Average.
00:56:0147.81.
00:56:03Which is a new national record.
00:56:07We did it!
00:56:09What do you mean, we did it?
00:56:10Would you have swum it?
00:56:11I did it!
00:56:14My case rest.
00:56:15We did it!
00:56:16But you said, going into that bit of film, you said, both of you, I had all the glory, but
00:56:21you went, we did it!
00:56:22Was it really that scary?
00:56:24Yeah, it was scary.
00:56:25Can I say, I do remember that.
00:56:27And I did feel something while you were doing it.
00:56:29It wasn't concern.
00:56:31Arousal.
00:56:31A relief.
00:56:33That it wasn't you?
00:56:34Absolutely deep.
00:56:35Oh, this is brilliant, we're doing something cool, but I'm not having to do anything dangerous.
00:56:39He is.
00:56:40Just moving on, if I may, from Coniston Water.
00:56:45You threw a very expensive walkie-talkie into the South China Sea.
00:56:51I can see it!
00:56:59That was a strop.
00:57:00It was a strop.
00:57:01It wasn't a strop.
00:57:02I was trying to talk to the viewers.
00:57:03It was a strop.
00:57:04It was our responsibility, or was.
00:57:07And somebody, well he's no longer with us, but it was Mr Wilman, just kept interrupting.
00:57:12When I'm irritated by people interrupting on walkie-talkies, I simply, well you still don't anymore, just turn them off.
00:57:18I don't go, they're talking at me and throw it out of the window.
00:57:22I had a lot of other things to do.
00:57:23Let's not get bogged down.
00:57:25It all lost their temper over in the South China Sea.
00:57:29But it was you.
00:57:29It was you.
00:57:31I think what the ladies and gentlemen would like to see now is some gratuitous driving round corners a little
00:57:37bit too quickly while shouting.
00:57:39Yeah.
00:57:40Here we go.
00:57:52I can't walk past real, like me.
00:57:55Oh, no.
00:58:00I can't walk past real like me.
00:58:01Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus!
00:58:08This is not a particularly cultural thing to do.
00:58:12But it is very good fun.
00:58:15Yes!
00:58:20Holy crap!
00:58:25What a toy box today.
00:58:35Push launch.
00:58:39Full throttle.
00:58:40Boost building. Boost ready.
00:58:43We're going on.
00:58:484 to 16 in 2.7 seconds.
00:58:53That's 120.
00:58:55150.
00:58:56Jesus.
00:58:58Eight strikes.
00:59:02We do 186 in 18 seconds and flat out is 208.
00:59:09That's really alarming.
00:59:12I'm going to be sick now.
00:59:15Whoa!
00:59:16Wow!
00:59:26I can't strip.
00:59:29This is insane!
00:59:31I've got dust in my face.
00:59:45What the hell?
00:59:47He he he he.
00:59:56Whoa!
00:59:57What the hell?!
00:59:57There she is!
00:59:59There she is!
01:00:05The bell has sounded, the race is on.
01:00:11Now we'd find out what's what on our specially designed track.
01:00:18Right round the bell end.
01:00:28You should be able to get her, heaven's sake. Come on!
01:00:43Oh, she's gone wide! Is there a chance here? Come on!
01:00:48Come on, you can have her! Now! Now!
01:00:58When it gets on some...
01:01:02Oh, the hell!
01:01:10Whoa!
01:01:13Oh, shit!
01:01:24That's what Lamborghinis are all about.
01:01:28Oh, my word.
01:01:31Sit rep.
01:01:32The entire tyre has been consumed by the heart of the monster.
01:01:37It has.
01:01:38Do you know the thing was, the tyre pressure warning light came on.
01:01:42What could that have meant?
01:01:43It was specifically telling me there was a problem with this tyre.
01:01:48So I ignored it.
01:01:50It's a good job you're not an airline pilot.
01:01:53You really are useless.
01:01:56No.
01:01:57No, let's be fair.
01:01:59Because I was just thinking, who was that really old man that taught me how to do that sliding stuff?
01:02:05I don't know, but he didn't do a very good job, did he?
01:02:07It was at Kemble Airfield, where British Airways now store all its old jets near Siren Sester.
01:02:12Yes.
01:02:12And we had a Lamborghini Murcielago and I couldn't make it slide to save my life.
01:02:16And this old man said, I'll show you how to do it.
01:02:19Well, whoever he was, he would have died decades ago and he was no good, because you really are useless.
01:02:24Really nice chap.
01:02:24Anyway, no, I miss him. No, I've just remembered him.
01:02:28But just back to my point, he didn't do you any good because you are useless.
01:02:33You are a human being for whom there is no discernible, detectable use at all on the planet in any
01:02:39function whatsoever.
01:02:41It's only some freak set of circumstances by which you happen to invent a context in which you could operate.
01:02:48Namely, this and nothing else.
01:02:51Because essentially, left to your own devices, you can do nothing.
01:02:59Now look.
01:03:00Now look what?
01:03:01Hurry up, don't let us distract you, Professor, Doctor.
01:03:04Listen, I have worked this out all by my own.
01:03:07The gearbox is overheated, okay?
01:03:10So I'm going to put some fluid in it.
01:03:11How much do you need to put in?
01:03:14I don't know, how much do you need to put in?
01:03:16Just put enough in.
01:03:17Yeah, put some in.
01:03:18Go on.
01:03:21It's like watching a really, really old drunk pour himself a scotch.
01:03:27Just another one.
01:03:29That concentration phase is coming out, there it is.
01:03:32Good to see a man operating at his absolute limit.
01:03:36Right, I'm going to pop it into gear now.
01:03:38You may hear this a little bit.
01:03:45Good, first.
01:03:47Uh, foot on clutch.
01:03:49And now it's time to fire up the 7-litre V12.
01:04:06It's quite normal.
01:04:12Broken.
01:04:13Oh, that could keep you occupied for hours.
01:04:16Why won't it go on?
01:04:18It's ridiculous.
01:04:19The last thing I knew was I was in my 30s, late 30s admittedly,
01:04:23and then suddenly I'm standing in a field still watching.
01:04:26How is this possible?
01:04:29Oh, this is brilliant.
01:04:33Oh, wow, what a sense of achievement.
01:04:45I'm 57.
01:04:49No, no, no!
01:04:58Where are you going?
01:04:59Oh, chaps!
01:05:10What balls this up completely?
01:05:13It's his Ferraro Rocher.
01:05:14Oh, my God.
01:05:17Okay.
01:05:18That is...
01:05:20That's not very ambassador.
01:05:21These people are trained to be suave.
01:05:24They're smart and cool.
01:05:25And you've knocked over their tower of Ferraro Rocher.
01:05:28Are you a cretin?
01:05:40Let's just get this straight.
01:05:42When we get over the building,
01:05:44we leap out of the door
01:05:46and grab the rope and slide down it.
01:05:48Pretty much, yeah, that's it. That's how it goes.
01:05:50You can be leader.
01:05:52Get out there, show us how it's done.
01:05:54We will follow.
01:05:55I don't want to.
01:05:57I've never climbed a rope or gone down one in my life before ever.
01:06:00Lead by example.
01:06:02Be an inspiration to your men.
01:06:04Yeah, exactly.
01:06:05How high will it be?
01:06:0730 feet?
01:06:09Yeah.
01:06:09You'll be fine.
01:06:10What happens if you fell 30 feet?
01:06:13Would you be going home with a head wand?
01:06:15You'd be going home in this helicopter, but not in that seat.
01:06:17You'd be in a bucket in the corner.
01:06:27Okay.
01:06:28Here it comes.
01:06:29Let's do this!
01:06:36Whoa!
01:06:37Jesus Christ, stop!
01:06:39Oh, shit.
01:06:41I'm very scared.
01:06:42Wait, that's not the attitude.
01:06:44Go on, then.
01:06:45I don't like it.
01:06:46Go down the road!
01:06:46I don't want to do it.
01:06:47Loosen your hands a bit.
01:06:48I don't want to.
01:06:49Do you want me to tickle you?
01:06:51You're going?
01:06:51No, no.
01:06:52Well, go on, then.
01:06:59Covers!
01:07:00Yeah?
01:07:00My trousers have fallen down.
01:07:03Ladies and gentlemen, Chuck Norris.
01:07:08No, I'm down now.
01:07:11Oh, yes.
01:07:13Have you ever, in your whole life, seen anything?
01:07:17Ah!
01:07:25I mean, that is it.
01:07:26My arse is that far out of the seat.
01:07:28Oh, dear.
01:07:30Is there a bigger one?
01:07:31Nothing.
01:07:33This is the...
01:07:34So this is the biggest?
01:07:37I won't be able to do it.
01:07:39Oh, come on. You'll miss out on our day out.
01:07:41What do you want me to do?
01:07:42Be less fat.
01:07:44It's quite easy.
01:07:46Oh, God.
01:07:54I genuinely can't get out.
01:07:57Oh, dear.
01:07:59Could you help me get out?
01:08:01I have to dismantle the car around you.
01:08:04They are going to have to dismantle the car around you
01:08:08to get you...
01:08:11We're peeling it off him like a diving suit.
01:08:17It would have been easy just to paint a race car on him.
01:08:20And then wipe it off.
01:08:29Handbrake!
01:08:36Oh, shit.
01:08:37Let's do this!
01:08:41Oh, shit.
01:08:43I may have clipped something there.
01:08:46Damn.
01:08:47Sorry about that, Phil.
01:08:51Oh.
01:08:51The gate.
01:08:52Take two.
01:08:54And turn and flick.
01:08:56Oh, deary me.
01:08:58He's done it again.
01:09:00A massive twat.
01:09:02You just can't do it.
01:09:03I can.
01:09:03You can't.
01:09:04Well, I clipped it once.
01:09:05I'm getting better.
01:09:06It's still not going through something, is it?
01:09:08Give me...
01:09:08Could you just rebuild it once more, honestly?
01:09:12Gate.
01:09:13Take three.
01:09:16And...
01:09:17Handbrake!
01:09:17Oh, shit!
01:09:18That's...
01:09:22Nothing.
01:09:29I'll just get these stragglers.
01:09:33Don't go...
01:09:35Come on!
01:09:36Oh, ****!
01:09:40You've done one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven sheep.
01:09:46And broken the windscreen.
01:10:09Sorry!
01:10:10What a prick.
01:10:15The funny thing is...
01:10:17I'm struggling to think of any other TV show where the host is so appallingly useless of what it is
01:10:24he's supposed to be doing.
01:10:26No, there isn't one.
01:10:26I mean, Gordon Ramsay.
01:10:27Oh, I'm burnt and it's ruined.
01:10:29Oh, no, this detail's on fire.
01:10:32No, we're not.
01:10:33David Attenborough.
01:10:34I've trodden on it.
01:10:36That was the last egg.
01:10:38How did this happen?
01:10:40I don't know.
01:10:41And...
01:10:42I'm gonna be honest with you.
01:10:44It's not just me.
01:10:46Because you're pretty useless as well.
01:10:48No, you are.
01:10:49You are.
01:10:50Fairly.
01:10:53Come on!
01:11:08Back at the finish line, my colleagues were not impressed with me.
01:11:12There's oil everywhere.
01:11:13And coolant.
01:11:15All you had to do was go around pretending it was a bit dramatic.
01:11:18And proving that a Jaguar worked properly and was durable.
01:11:21Smash through a window.
01:11:22Boot lid.
01:11:24No other words.
01:11:25Off.
01:11:26Does it actually start?
01:11:37I think he just threw a rod.
01:11:39And it's all fixable.
01:11:43I'd been on the go for ten hours, and as I was heading for another late night,
01:11:48I decided to stop and grab something to eat.
01:11:53We've been given these sort of emergency ration packs.
01:11:57So what I do is take the top off there.
01:12:00And that's the food, which is, I don't know, beans and sausages.
01:12:04That goes in there.
01:12:06And then I add a little drop of water.
01:12:11I presume this triggers some sort of chemical reaction with whatever it is
01:12:15in the little bag of stuff.
01:12:20I don't think that's working.
01:12:22There's no heat.
01:12:22I'd get more out of a hand warmer.
01:12:25Oh, wait a minute.
01:12:26It's inflating.
01:12:27Oh!
01:12:27Oh, no!
01:12:28Oh, my God!
01:12:29Oh!
01:12:29No, this...
01:12:30Ah!
01:12:31Ah!
01:12:34It's...
01:12:34Oh!
01:12:35Oh, that's so hot!
01:12:36Oh, I'm burning my balls!
01:12:38Oh!
01:12:38Are you ready?
01:12:42Right.
01:12:42Perfect.
01:12:43Now, pull me along.
01:12:46Go!
01:12:47Go!
01:12:47Power!
01:12:51Oh, give me strength.
01:12:56You pulled the bloody fishing rod holder off.
01:13:00Why didn't you tie it to the fishing rod?
01:13:01Why didn't you tie it to the fishing...
01:13:02I didn't tie it to the fishing rod, you blithering idiot.
01:13:05Right.
01:13:06Are you ready?
01:13:07We're setting off.
01:13:20Hammer's gone upside down again.
01:13:28What the...
01:13:29Oh, jeez.
01:13:30How has he done...
01:13:34Don't...
01:13:35Oh, no!
01:13:37I've got my bonnie!
01:13:38My bonnie!
01:13:43I'll pull you in.
01:13:48you know um i'm going to let you into a little secret about when he sent that poor man's boat
01:13:55in yeah he was wearing as you may have noticed a life jacket what didn't you do when you went
01:14:02upside down again what i didn't do was pull the cord that inflates it so it was just an extra
01:14:07weight ram and i did say thank goodness i was wearing this and somebody else pointed out no
01:14:15i hadn't inflated he hadn't inflated it yeah yeah that's a true fact you didn't say the right you
01:14:20said when you sank that boat you mean when you sank that poor man's boat that he'd spent his life
01:14:24savings no i i i think it was his children had bought him after his he'd had a pretty bad
01:14:32diagnosis
01:14:32at the doctors they'd said he was riddled yes bought him that boat and some fishing rods so
01:14:37because he loved fishing yes and he loved his boat he adored it and then richard herman said can i
01:14:43borrow
01:14:43your boat i'm not good with boats and then it isn't just that we sink boats and crash uh and
01:14:48wreck
01:14:48tires we never mastered the art of standing up not really
01:15:13oh hello goodbye
01:15:14ah
01:15:16oh
01:15:17oh
01:15:17oh
01:15:20oh
01:15:22oh
01:15:23oh
01:15:24oh
01:15:32oh
01:15:35oh
01:15:55now of course we can all laugh about old men falling over
01:15:59but sometimes the laughter has to stop
01:16:05i detect a lack of sincerity
01:16:09i'm channeling my inner world show
01:16:20okay you're ready
01:16:21yes
01:16:22uh james may is ready and we'll be setting off very shortly brace brace brace right i've got the deck
01:16:28chair out in a good book
01:16:32in your own time
01:16:33that was a brisk start for a james may
01:16:41okay
01:16:42okay
01:16:42okay
01:17:07Big one, big one, big one.
01:17:28Oh, I'm quite nervous.
01:17:31I'm suddenly nervous.
01:17:42Okay, here we go.
01:17:43Give your best shot, Rich.
01:17:44Yeah.
01:17:45Watch this.
01:17:47There you go.
01:17:50There you go.
01:17:51There you go.
01:18:27You
01:19:11Is that why you got a helicopter license?
01:19:13So you could fly yourself to hospital?
01:19:15I'm a frequent flyer. I don't need to. I've got a gold card.
01:19:18I mean, you've moved in here, obviously. It's easier.
01:19:21But how many years went by
01:19:23without you ever having to take your own trousers off
01:19:26when you got home from work?
01:19:27Quite a few.
01:19:28Generally, somebody would cut them off with scissors for me.
01:19:30Exactly.
01:19:31And then they'd be gone.
01:19:32It was extraordinary, wasn't it?
01:19:33It's remarkable to see you with a pair of trousers on, actually.
01:19:37Something occurs to me.
01:19:38Hmm?
01:19:39Over all the years we made that show,
01:19:41you were the only one who was never grievously injured.
01:19:45What?!
01:19:49Ow!
01:19:51F***!
01:19:55I was actually acting.
01:19:57Were you? That was pretend.
01:19:58Pretend.
01:19:59Genius injury. It was.
01:20:00Anyway, is that it?
01:20:01I think we're finished.
01:20:02No.
01:20:03What?
01:20:03No, no, no.
01:20:04The lawyers.
01:20:06What?
01:20:06The really small print.
01:20:07The small print of the small print.
01:20:09What?
01:20:09We've got to do three of these.
01:20:11Well, we've got to do two more?
01:20:12Yes.
01:20:14Two more of these best-ofs?
01:20:15Yes.
01:20:17And on that terrible disappointment,
01:20:19we'll be back soon with more of this.
01:20:23See ya.
01:20:25See ya.
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