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00:06We finished the staircase frame a couple hours ago.
00:09Fiber optics in process.
00:11Terrific.
00:12We ordered the oak floors that you like.
00:14Oh, good.
00:14Wonderful.
00:15But there is a matter we should discuss.
00:18What?
00:20I don't really want to say this since you threw paint in my truck when I got the banisters wrong.
00:24Well, suggesting anything other than rose gold was demented.
00:27Totally.
00:27Um, but the building's going to be more work than we discussed.
00:31What are we talking?
00:32Well, the electrical's not up to code.
00:33The HVAC needs to be completely gutted.
00:36The estimates on the theater are skyrocketing because of the custom lighting and the pyrotechnic capabilities.
00:41Well, a Vegas show without pyrotechnics is like a lap dance in broad daylight.
00:44I won't be caught dead doing it.
00:46All in all, we're looking at an additional $20 million to get the Diva operational.
00:50And that's just a conservative estimate.
00:52Oh, God.
00:53Just to say it, it would save us a ton if we didn't have the Diva statue.
00:59Well, how are people supposed to make an entrance if not between my legs?
01:03Where's the joy?
01:04The whimsy?
01:05Where's the...
01:06The wow factor.
01:07The wow factor.
01:09Well...
01:10I mean, people love this design.
01:11The underwear mirror for upskirt selfies will be a destination in and of itself.
01:15It's just that it just seems technically unnecessary.
01:19Unnecessary?
01:20Is there a gas leak in here?
01:22Actually, there is.
01:23And that's probably going to cost...
01:24Oh, my God!
01:25Okay, okay, okay.
01:26Maybe if we book a headliner, we can use some of the advanced ticket sales to fund this.
01:32Okay, I'll get on that.
01:34You try to find an outside investor.
01:37Is now a bad time to discuss why we can't convert a chlorine pool to pink champagne?
01:41Yes!
01:42Yes, ma'am.
01:45He's into me.
01:57So, what happened?
01:59What happened?
01:59We took our room.
02:01You didn't hear this from me, but she had the best night of her life.
02:04Oh.
02:05Oh, it's Deborah.
02:06Could you give me one second?
02:07Mm.
02:08Well, so you shouldn't be talking to me about this stuff.
02:09Why not?
02:11Hello!
02:11Hi, I need your help.
02:13We're building that state-of-the-art theater at the Diva,
02:15and we need a comic for a residency who can bring in a ton of pre-sales.
02:19Do you know of anyone?
02:20Deborah, you know you don't have to fish for compliments with me.
02:22As Kayla would say, you are the number one living legend,
02:25and you would slay the boots down on the Diva Chiquita banana.
02:29It should be you.
02:30You should do it.
02:30No, no, no, no, no.
02:31My residency days are behind me.
02:33Oh.
02:34Uh, do you know Bruno Fox?
02:36Is he related to Red Fox?
02:38I don't think so, because one is black and one is white.
02:40But you know what?
02:40I never assume.
02:41You don't know what their mom was doing.
02:43Okay.
02:43Anyway, he's like a super popular podcaster in stand-up.
02:47He's got a huge following.
02:48Um, oh, he does his Travelocity ads, which I actually find quite funny.
02:51I don't even hit to get bad.
02:53Oh, that guy!
02:54Oh, he'd be good.
02:56Can you get him?
02:57Uh, yeah.
02:58Yeah, I can get him.
02:59Great.
03:00Let me know.
03:01Will do.
03:06It is so weird to be back here.
03:08Wow.
03:09She already took down the pictures I put up.
03:12We've been gone for over two years.
03:14Also, why would she keep up pictures of you and your college friends?
03:17Because we're hot and fun.
03:19Well, look what the cat farted in.
03:21Le Suck and Queefer.
03:24You too, poor cat.
03:26Great to see you guys.
03:27If you're looking to poach clients, there's a dial at the center right down the street.
03:33Oh, my goodness.
03:34Wow.
03:34That's really funny.
03:35So, look, I'm going to keep this brief.
03:36Please.
03:36We have an opportunity for one of your clients.
03:38As you may have heard, Debra Vance is opening a casino hotel in downtown Vegas.
03:41And we would like Bruno Fox to be the very first comic in residence.
03:47Wow.
03:47Wow.
03:48Bruno.
03:49He has a lot of balls in the air right now.
03:51Mm-hmm.
03:52This is a huge opportunity for a stand-up, right?
03:55I mean, you know that.
03:55Vegas residency means a steady paycheck, shows every night of the week.
03:59A lot more money than you make on the road.
04:01Oh, yeah.
04:01Yeah.
04:01Well, you know, I'll try to remember to mention it to him the next time I talk to him.
04:06Yeah.
04:06We'll see what he says.
04:07Yeah, yeah.
04:07Yeah.
04:08The next time you talk to him could be right now if you just dial him up.
04:11Ooh, we'd love to, but we've got to go right now because we've got massages.
04:14Yeah.
04:14The kind where you come.
04:15Ugh.
04:16Together?
04:16You're going to go?
04:17Yes.
04:17Wait, are you serious?
04:18Are you really going to walk out and just...
04:20Later, dildos.
04:21Oh, my God.
04:22I know they're going to present this to Bruno like it's a total waste of time just to fuck
04:25with us.
04:26So sadistic.
04:27Reminds me of how I used to treat this one girl in my summer camp.
04:30So mean.
04:31You know what?
04:32Fuck them.
04:33We are going to go to Bruno ourselves and present this offer directly.
04:36Hell, yeah.
04:37I knew you had that dog in you.
04:40All right, here we go.
04:41He's performing this weekend in Kalamazoo, Michigan.
04:43We are going.
04:44Central time.
04:45Kinky.
04:46It's Easter.
04:47Oh.
04:48Mm.
04:49That sucks.
04:52Mm.
04:53To be asked to be a food tester?
04:55Dream come true.
04:56Well, it's perfect.
04:57I mean, you have flyover state taste.
05:00And Josefina has the most refined palate of anyone I've ever met.
05:03Mm.
05:04Pistachio cream in an entree?
05:05I'm feeling crazy for this.
05:08So what?
05:08If we like this chef's food, you guys are going to just poach him for Marty?
05:11Yep.
05:12Damn.
05:12Ice cold.
05:14Rice is hot, though.
05:15Well, it's not personal.
05:16It's just business.
05:18Oh.
05:19Excuse me.
05:21I love a little crunch.
05:22Big sleigh.
05:24Oh, Debra, I've been working on the opening joke.
05:26So what about this?
05:27Um, hello, Madison Square Garden.
05:29I've been silenced for 18 months, so let me finally say this.
05:32Big pants only look good if you're tall.
05:34Mm.
05:35I don't want to talk about pants.
05:37Look, I can't believe we can't figure out this opener.
05:39No, I know.
05:40I think we have writer's block.
05:41We've got to get some new energy going.
05:43You know, we could try cold plunging.
05:44Helps Joe Rogan.
05:45Helps him do what?
05:47Right.
05:48Good point.
05:49So, I put out some feelers to some friends in the VC world about funding for the diva.
05:53That was Graham Sweeney's office.
05:55He's a young tech developer.
05:56Big portfolio.
05:58He immediately responded and wants to fly in to meet with you.
06:00Oh, great.
06:02And he asked for Ava to come, too.
06:05What?
06:06Me?
06:07Why?
06:08Oh, my God.
06:09Do you think this is like an indecent proposal situation where he'll only give you the millions
06:12if he has one fabulous night with Miss Ava Daniels?
06:16Millions?
06:17Please.
06:17He could get you with a donation to Greenpeace and some combat boots.
06:22That's true.
06:24No one is asking you to have sex, but these VC guys are freaky and we need the money.
06:28So, if he asks to eat sushi off you, you know, play ball.
06:32All right, fine.
06:33I'll go.
06:34But I'm telling you, if there's a Philadelphia roll on my titty, I'm eating that shit.
06:38Marcus set up a meeting.
06:39And you?
06:40After this, I'm taking you to a parking lot to practice walking in high heels.
06:44Mm.
06:45Now that is a crispy skin.
06:48Bam!
06:55I'm serious!
06:57So, I come out of the men's room and I see a trans guy standing there waiting, right?
07:01I look him at his eyes.
07:03I say, bro, I do not mean this like it sounds, but do not go in there.
07:15Let's go and forget this, son of a bitch.
07:17I love television!
07:19Yeah!
07:24Bruno Fox.
07:25Yo!
07:25Can we come in?
07:26Entre vous!
07:27Okay, bonjour.
07:28Ah, yes!
07:29Jimmy LeTac Jr.
07:30This is my partner, Kayla Schaefer.
07:31How you doing?
07:32Pleasure.
07:33Um, sorry to accost you right after your set, which was amazing, by the way.
07:35So funny.
07:36We couldn't stop smiling and laughing.
07:38But we have a very attractive offer for you.
07:41I mean, if it's a cuck thing, maybe, but I'm pretty much retired from gay stuff.
07:45Oh.
07:45It's not a cuck thing.
07:46No.
07:47No.
07:47Yeah.
07:47We're managers from L.A., Schaefer and Lussac.
07:50We represent Debra Vance.
07:51Among others.
07:52Um, and we just wanted to talk to you about a stand-up opportunity that we think you might like.
07:57Look, man, sorry, but when I'm off stage, I can't be about to work anymore, you know?
08:02Okay.
08:03Hmm, okay.
08:04But I am down to go out.
08:06Y'all want to party?
08:07Hmm?
08:08Um.
08:09Um.
08:09I'm 100% down for that.
08:11Okay.
08:11Yeah, let's do it.
08:13What are you thinking?
08:13I mean, there's a little bar down the street called Cokies.
08:16Do we need a reservation for Cokies?
08:19No.
08:19But we do need someone to drive.
08:21Can y'all drive us?
08:22We got a Subaru we rented, so let's do it.
08:24Music to my ears.
08:25The car play doesn't work, but that's all right, because I'll just sing for us.
08:27Hope you like Nelly Furtado.
08:29Kidding me?
08:29I'm a Nelly boy.
08:30Okay.
08:31Well, let's get some beers for the ride, though, right?
08:32Um.
08:41Hi.
08:41Hello.
08:42Good evening.
08:43Right this way.
08:44I'll go get Mr. Sweeney.
08:47What did she say?
08:48This dress is so tight, I can't hear in it.
08:50Also, it does not leave room for underwear.
08:52I think my bush is leaving an invitation.
08:54Well, well, well.
08:56Debra Vance in the flesh.
08:57This is such an honor.
08:58I'm Graham Sweeney.
08:59Graham, good to meet you.
09:00Likewise.
09:01And Ava.
09:02Hey, what's going on?
09:04Hi.
09:05I'm so psyched you could come, too.
09:07I'm a huge fan of both of you.
09:09So, I guess you're probably wondering why I wanted to meet with you.
09:13Well, no.
09:14I'm never surprised when a man's interested in meeting me.
09:16I bet you're not.
09:18Um, well, would you mind if I did a little presentation?
09:21Sure.
09:21Okay.
09:22Please, come sit.
09:23All right.
09:27Elaine will be right out with some drinks.
09:28She makes a bomb martini.
09:32Grab a seat, please.
09:34All right.
09:36Now, you ladies comfortable?
09:37Not really.
09:38Okay.
09:39First, a little bit about me.
09:42I got my start streamlining the way hospitals buy and receive medical tubing.
09:46Oh, I used to sell a cat-themed blood pressure monitor.
09:49See?
09:49So, you get it.
09:50Genius.
09:51So, now that I've conquered the healthcare industry, it's time for me to move into my next venture,
09:56which is an LLM generative AI model I'm calling Quick Scribble.
10:03Ah.
10:04It's an AI chatbot that helps people sound like the most optimized, funniest, smartest version of themselves.
10:10It's like Photoshopping your voice.
10:12For anybody who's looking to punch up the way that they speak or write or make jokes, this will help.
10:19Okay?
10:19Take, for example, a bridesmaid at a wedding.
10:24She wants to make a funny toast, but she's a bank teller.
10:27Sorry.
10:28So, when you say she, you mean an AI person that you invented?
10:31That I prompted.
10:32Yes.
10:33Cool.
10:34Let's see how she does.
10:36Sarah's always loved to have fun.
10:38Maybe a little too much fun, if you know what I mean.
10:43Sex.
10:44Ugh.
10:45Now, that sucked shit, right?
10:48Yeah.
10:49But what if she had had help crafting that toast by none other than comedy goddess Deborah Vance?
10:56Love her.
10:57It might sound a little something like this.
11:00According to the Talmud, every bride is beautiful on her wedding day.
11:04The Talmud is, of course, the drag queen who did Sarah's cheek contouring today.
11:10Boom goes the dynamite.
11:11Even Grandpa's deaf ass is laughing at that one.
11:14Not bad.
11:15Yeah, it does sound like me.
11:17Yeah.
11:17So, um, how did you train it to sound like Deborah already?
11:23Well, by scraping material that's online.
11:25Oh, so they stole it.
11:27Technically.
11:28Right now, it's not regulated, and that's why I've come to you.
11:31I want to compensate you.
11:32And I don't just want what's online.
11:34I want the real Deborah Vance.
11:36Oh, well, then you should have met me three noses ago.
11:39Well, they nailed it.
11:40It's a sexy ass nose.
11:42Now, look, I want your full library and for you to work with the AI itself training it.
11:49Yeah.
11:49Can I ask, um, why us?
11:52Because Deborah has the perfect voice for quick scribble.
11:55I mean, you have such mass appeal.
11:57That's why you have the number one late night show in America.
12:00You tell it like it is, but in a funny way, and that's how everybody wants to be.
12:05Well, this does kind of prove my longstanding theory that my way is best and everyone else
12:08is wrong.
12:09Ha!
12:10Exactly.
12:11See, I want that.
12:13And when I heard that you were looking for investment in your casino, I was like, well,
12:16this is the coolest opportunity for us to partner up.
12:19So, ladies, should we talk about the nuts and bolts?
12:23Let's.
12:23Yeah.
12:24Okay.
12:25So, we've got three blocks.
12:28It is getting so late.
12:30We've got to bring up the residency as soon as he gets back because I don't know how much
12:33longer I can stay out.
12:34Come on.
12:34You stayed up all night for the Fiona Apple presale.
12:37You can do it tonight.
12:38She never goes on tour.
12:39It was either wheel.
12:40It was a big thing for me.
12:41All right.
12:41Hey, there he is.
12:43Can we get another round, please?
12:44You got it.
12:44Wow, another round.
12:46Indeed.
12:47I haven't drank as much since I rushed.
12:49You were in a frat?
12:50No, almost.
12:51I wouldn't fuck the goat and I reported them to the dean.
12:54But you know what?
12:54I'm proud of that because it led to much healthier rush policies on campus.
12:57That's just the kind of guy he is.
12:59He would never fuck any animals.
13:02No one.
13:02Okay.
13:03Anyway, so listen, Deborah Vance is opening a casino in Las Vegas and they're looking
13:07for a comedian to do a residency.
13:09And we think that comedian should be you.
13:14A Vegas residency.
13:15That's right.
13:16Huh.
13:18I can get off the road finally.
13:20Mm-hmm.
13:21That could be a good thing for me.
13:23Bruno, Vegas.
13:25Come on.
13:25I mean, raw seafood bars as far as the eye can see, strip clubs on every block.
13:30I mean, it's the promised land for guys like us.
13:35This is probably the tequila talking, but yeah, I'm in.
13:39Yeah?
13:39Yeah.
13:40Okay, amazing.
13:41Fuck it.
13:41We are doing it, huh?
13:42Come on.
13:43All right.
13:43Come on.
13:43Yes.
13:44Come on.
13:44All right.
13:44So listen, we're going to head back to L.A. tomorrow, but we'll be in touch with details.
13:48Boy, you can't leave.
13:50We can't?
13:51No, I have another show tomorrow night.
13:52Come on.
13:53We got to go out afterwards.
13:54Celebrate.
13:55Get drinks.
13:57Oh, uh, look.
13:58If we're going to work together, I need to get to know you guys.
14:01We got a bond, you know?
14:03Stay.
14:04Stay.
14:05Please.
14:06Okay.
14:06Okay.
14:07All right.
14:07So stay.
14:08Yes.
14:09Now, one question.
14:11Who's getting the bag?
14:13Wow.
14:14Cocaine.
14:15Um, I just, I was really looking forward to reading before bed.
14:18Trick question.
14:19I already got it.
14:20Oh, my gosh.
14:21Okay, fine.
14:22I can only do two lines.
14:24You have given me so much to think about.
14:26This is really, really interesting.
14:29Fantastic pitch.
14:30Yeah, I have a couple questions.
14:32I mean...
14:33Look, Ava, I know how much you've contributed to Debra's recent material, so if I want to accurately capture her
14:38true voice, I need you involved.
14:40Okay, so when we hand over the material, you can ensure that it's just going to be used for bridesmaid
14:45speeches and not to make, like, Hitler seem young and funny to red-pilled, dark-web gooners?
14:51Well, we're not in the business of censoring our customers.
14:56Right.
14:56Don't try to argue with her.
14:57You'll get nowhere.
14:58Next thing you know, you'll have donated $10,000 to some barista's top surgery.
15:03I don't know what happened to the term boob job.
15:05That's what they called it when I had one.
15:06Ava, AI is here, and it's here to stay, so you either get on board or you get left in
15:11the past.
15:12See, that is a big part of why I hate it, this forced inevitability.
15:18People like you are always saying that it's happening whether you like it or not, but you're the ones making
15:23it happen, okay?
15:25And you could easily stop it if people could say that they didn't want it, but you don't want to
15:28give people a choice.
15:30So you just say, oh, the train's already on the tracks, and you don't let people decide for themselves.
15:33I'm sorry, it is technological R.A.P.E.
15:37Rape?
15:38You said it, not me.
15:39Oh, okay, okay, let's all just take a breath.
15:42I wish I could take a breath.
15:43I'm strapped down in this motherfucker.
15:45I can't breathe in here, Deborah.
15:47Now, why should we believe that this app is this amazing thing that is going to change the world?
15:51Obviously, you want us to believe that because you stand to profit from it, so of course you're going to
15:54tell us that it's happening no matter what and it's inevitable, okay?
15:57Oh, my God, this is exactly like when, like, a fucking random-ass diner puts a sign out front that's,
16:02like, best waffles in America,
16:03and it's like, yeah, according to who, the people trying to sell the fucking waffles!
16:06I am not trying to sell you bad waffles.
16:09Trust.
16:10Well, yet again, she's managed to bring waffles into the conversation.
16:13Okay, lots to think about here, Graham.
16:15Yeah.
16:16Thanks so much.
16:16I'll, uh, I'll give it a thought.
16:18I'll talk to my people.
16:19Thanks, Deborah.
16:20Yeah.
16:24Sorry.
16:25Ava, you're here.
16:25I'm fine.
16:26I'm good.
16:27Okay.
16:27Come on.
16:36I hate this place.
16:38It smells like an old bicycle seat.
16:39It's not that bad.
16:41And we needed to save money, so let's just try and go to sleep.
16:44I just normally sleep naked.
16:46Well, sorry, but tonight you're not sleeping naked, okay?
16:51Okay, Jimmy.
16:53Okay.
17:00What is going on over there?
17:02I'm so itchy.
17:03My clothes are making me itchy.
17:05Okay, you can take off your clothes underneath the covers, but then in the morning you're putting
17:09them back on under the covers, okay?
17:11Yay!
17:13Take off my lady boxers.
17:16Okay, I don't need a play-by-play.
17:17Just do your thing.
17:21Do, do, do.
17:23Why are you taking them off like that?
17:24That's how I always take them off.
17:26I'm disrobing.
17:26You do this alone?
17:27What?
17:28Yes.
17:29Now, everybody, take those.
17:33Oh, man.
17:36Hello?
17:37I've been waiting for you down in my office.
17:40Oh, God, can we crack a window?
17:42It smells like King Tutankhamen's tomb in here.
17:44Sorry, I just, I got distracted researching the ethics of AI.
17:48Turns out, really bad.
17:50Yeah, well, everything's unethical if you think about it too much.
17:53As my manicurist says, can you changing?
17:56Then don't think about it.
17:57Oh, my God.
17:58Oh, you want me to whitewash my manicurist?
18:00People have accents.
18:02Okay, I'm just going to move past that one.
18:03Look, before you meet with this guy again, you should know that large language models like
18:06Quick Scribble are really, really bad for the environment.
18:09It's an app.
18:10Everyone uses apps.
18:11Aren't all apps bad for the environment?
18:14Yes, but AI uses servers that need 15 times more energy, and they build them in poorer communities.
18:18Look at this.
18:19In Memphis, an AI plant is stealing all the fresh water and blasting the air with nitrogen oxides.
18:25I see.
18:27And how much energy are you using keeping 400 tabs open on your browser?
18:31See, I can play this game, too.
18:33Deborah.
18:34No, come on.
18:35I sold my Malaysian palm oil farm.
18:37Can I have this?
18:39No.
18:40I am lending my name and my expertise to a program that is going to make people's lives easier.
18:46What about the economy?
18:47Okay, I know you care about that.
18:49I mean, AI has already destroyed massive sectors of the workforce.
18:53Yeah.
18:54Well, you know, if your job is replaceable, let it be replaced.
18:57I'm sorry.
18:57That's how the market works.
18:58Oh, my God.
18:59Okay.
19:00What about me?
19:01AI is absolutely going to take away jobs from writers.
19:03It already has.
19:04Not if you're good.
19:05If you're good, you can't be replaced.
19:07Did you know that in the 80s, there was a woman in Miami who would do my entire set verbatim?
19:12And honestly, before my lift, she might have looked better than me, too.
19:16But she couldn't recreate my stage presence.
19:19And neither can a computer.
19:21You're missing the point.
19:22Okay?
19:22Maybe you will be fine, but there are a ton of people who won't be.
19:26Okay?
19:26This is causing a cataclysmic reshaping of our society that's going to doom us.
19:30Annie, please, please.
19:30It's 9 a.m.
19:33Okay, well, I'm sorry.
19:34I cannot in good conscience participate in this, so if you use any of my work, I will
19:38sue you.
19:40On what grounds?
19:41The one cool thing about the American legal system is that I can sue you even if I have
19:45no legal standing.
19:45I learned that from you.
19:49Okay, fine.
19:50I will just do this deal with material I've written without you.
19:54Now, can we please stop talking about this and go downstairs and work?
19:58No.
20:00I'm going to go outside and look at a tree.
20:02Maybe you could teach your toaster to paint.
20:15If you were a letter, what letter would you be?
20:18Hmm.
20:18A?
20:19You would definitely be an S.
20:21Unpredictable.
20:21All right, then there we go.
20:23Three Long Island iced teas.
20:25Oh, no, thank you, but Long Islands make me sick.
20:27Horny.
20:28What?
20:29They make you horny.
20:30Okay, how would you even know that?
20:32Everybody at tennis camp knew that.
20:34You were trying to dance with everyone.
20:35Okay.
20:35We all talked about it.
20:36But it's on now.
20:37That's awesome.
20:38Okay.
20:38Cheers to us.
20:40Cheers, indeed.
20:40Okay, Bruno.
20:41I think we need to talk about the specifics of the Devalicious Red and Sea.
20:47Residence.
20:48Residence.
20:49Sea.
20:50What is your earliest availability?
20:52And maybe we could talk about an on-sale date.
20:55We can get your poster done.
20:56Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.
20:57You're making me, like, nervous, all right?
20:59Like...
20:59No, don't be nervous.
21:01No, come on, man.
21:02What is that voice?
21:03Don't be nervous.
21:04I don't want to talk business.
21:06It's boring.
21:07I want to have fun.
21:08Okay, let's play a drinking game, get to know each other better, get a little bit more comfortable.
21:13I'm up for a drinking game at all times.
21:15What do you got?
21:15So, me and my besties play a game where you go around in a circle and you say the worst
21:20thing that you've ever done.
21:22And if your worst thing is worse than theirs, you gotta take a drink.
21:26Jimmy, you go first.
21:28Oh, no.
21:29Let's play a flip-flip.
21:30Do it!
21:30Do it!
21:31Do it!
21:33Okay, okay.
21:34Okay, this is actually loud.
21:36Um, we got a PR box of free Sephora products for a client, and I took them back to Sephora
21:43and returned them for store credit.
21:45No!
21:46I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I've been carrying that around.
21:49It's not how I normally am, but I was just out of this beard lube.
21:52I have this particular kind of cream that I shave with, and I needed to get it.
21:55Okay, so, Bruno, your turn.
21:58Yeah, no, I'm good.
21:59I'm good.
21:59Oh, come on.
22:00I just told my Sephora thing, so now I kind of feel weird.
22:02Okay, fine.
22:02I'll go, I'll go.
22:04I gotta get one.
22:05Okay.
22:05The worst thing every day was I poked holes into my dad's condoms because I wanted a sister.
22:11And then he used those condoms with his mistress and then got her pregnant.
22:14Then she wanted to keep it.
22:16But I ended up being a boy, so now we have, like, a creepy half-brother who no one talks
22:19to at events.
22:20Oh, I really love Robert.
22:21I try to make him feel welcome whenever I see him.
22:23He stinks.
22:24Okay, Bruno, now that you know the rules, your turn.
22:27What's the worst thing you've ever done?
22:31It was six years ago this coming August.
22:36What was?
22:38I was leaving my exes.
22:40And we just got in one of these fights that we would get into all the time where we were
22:46just saying awful fucking shit to each other, man.
22:48Just trying our hardest to hurt one another.
22:52I was driving.
22:54I was driving.
22:55I was so pissed off that I couldn't see straight.
23:00And he was just there.
23:02He was just suddenly there out of nowhere.
23:04And I slammed on the brakes.
23:05I slammed on the brakes.
23:07But it was too late, man.
23:10It was too late.
23:14That sound.
23:15That sound.
23:17I can hear it all the time.
23:18I hear it when I try to sleep.
23:20It's like it haunts me.
23:24He was dead.
23:29And what would driving him to the hospital have done?
23:31He was gone.
23:32So I just drove and drove.
23:35It's kept in my pain.
23:40You got to turn yourself in.
23:42What?
23:43Bruno, think about the family.
23:45That poor family.
23:48Jimmy.
23:48But they need closure.
23:50Bruno, you can't keep living like this, okay?
23:52It's eating you alive.
23:53You're killing yourself.
23:54Look at you.
23:54You're on the road all the time.
23:56You're drinking way too much.
23:57You're self-medicating.
23:58You're totally scaring us.
24:00You never want to talk about work.
24:01It's weird.
24:02The only way through is out.
24:04You've got to turn yourself in, brother.
24:09You're right.
24:10I can't live this fucking lie anymore.
24:13Fuck, man.
24:15I'll call my mom, I guess.
24:17Yeah.
24:21Hello.
24:22I am Kayla Schaefer, and I am reporting a murder that my friend did.
24:38Graham, hello.
24:40Hey.
24:41Come on.
24:42Hello, gorgeous.
24:43Oh, nice to see you again.
24:45Mwah.
24:46You hungry?
24:47You want a piggy?
24:49Oh, I think I'll pass.
24:50Okay.
24:52Hey, thanks for meeting me here.
24:54Yeah, yeah.
24:54You a big soccer fan?
24:56Yeah.
24:57I'm on that French team right there in the blue unis.
25:00I'd be there right now, but it's a lot more important to me to lock down this deal with you.
25:06Well, I'll tell you what.
25:07Once my casino is open, I'll make sure you have your own seat at the Divas Sportsbook Lounge.
25:13Okay.
25:14So, you're in?
25:15My lawyers looked over the terms, and they gave it the okay.
25:18Ah.
25:19Yes.
25:20Eulogies everywhere just got a whole lot fucking funnier.
25:23You are going to make so many people funny.
25:26Oh, well.
25:26And I bet pretty soon you're going to be using it to write your own material.
25:31Oh, well.
25:31I doubt that.
25:32Well, you are.
25:35Because it's going to be so good you're going to want to.
25:37No, I don't think so.
25:39Yes, you will.
25:41Because everyone's going to be using it.
25:42So, if you want to keep up with the other comedians, you're going to have to.
25:45But I want to write the jokes.
25:46I like doing the work.
25:48So, you're telling me that if you got stuck on a punchline, and you had a tool at your disposal
25:52to help you with that, you wouldn't use it?
25:54Absolutely not.
25:55There's no shortcut.
25:56Yeah, but here's the thing.
25:58There is.
25:59I created it.
26:00You're welcome.
26:01Well, okay, fine.
26:03Yes, there is.
26:04But using that shortcut then makes it something else.
26:07It makes it not art.
26:08Um, I'm sorry, but your joke about laser hair removal is art?
26:14Okay, you're right.
26:16It's pretentious to call it art.
26:18But that laser hair removal joke is something I arrived at after trying a million other versions.
26:23Every time that joke didn't work, not only did I make it better, but it made me a comedian.
26:28Because to become one, you have to do it and fail and do it and fail over and over and
26:33over until you figure out who you are.
26:36Lady, stop squawking at me.
26:38All I'm trying to do is make your life easier.
26:43But it shouldn't be.
26:44Why are you trying to optimize the creative process?
26:47I mean, that's one of the things we've actually figured out.
26:49We're good there.
26:49You know, we have been ever since cavemen told stories about bears.
26:52I mean, fix the ozone.
26:54Come up with a cure for cancer.
26:56Oh my god, cancer again.
26:57Look, it sounds a little bit like you don't really respect quick scribble.
27:00I respect your business acumen.
27:02I do, I do.
27:03But art is only art because of the humanity behind it.
27:05Plenty of artists are already using it.
27:07Well, fine, that's a right.
27:09Doesn't mean I have to respect them.
27:10Oh, excuse me.
27:12I didn't know Shakespeare had a beehive.
27:16Oh, okay, that was good.
27:18That was good.
27:18See, you came up with that all by yourself.
27:21Aren't you proud?
27:23Yeah, this is clearly not going to work.
27:25Yeah.
27:26Take care.
27:26Guess not.
27:27Okay, you take care too.
27:29You know what, lady?
27:29I can get any comic I want to train my AI.
27:33Kill Tony said he'd do it for free.
27:35Yeah, you do that.
27:37By the way, one of your guys just scored an own goal.
27:40Ah, fuck.
27:42Fuck.
27:44What?
27:45Chill out, man.
27:46Just watch the game.
27:49Come on, baby.
27:53You know I need you.
27:57What are you doing out here?
28:01Listen to the crickets while I write.
28:04Watching the stars.
28:05Communing with nature.
28:06You know, while I still can.
28:13You got your blood money?
28:16No.
28:17I decided against it.
28:21Are you serious?
28:22Yes.
28:23Yes!
28:25Woo!
28:26Score one for the good guys.
28:28I am so glad I got through to you.
28:30No, no.
28:31This was an amoral decision based on a nerd being a loser to me.
28:35If you say so.
28:36Okay.
28:36Oh, please.
28:37This was not all you.
28:39If I was that susceptible to your influence,
28:41I would have become a communist
28:42the moment you first darkened my doorstep.
28:45Whatever.
28:46Oh, God.
28:50All right.
28:51Now that that's behind us.
28:53Hmm.
28:54Let's see if we can tackle
28:54the real existential problem of our time.
28:56Hmm.
28:58This goddamn opening joke.
28:59Oh, yeah.
29:00I've been, uh,
29:01been working on a couple things.
29:03Check that out.
29:10Oof.
29:11Okay.
29:11Guess I didn't figure it out.
29:13Well, no.
29:14But that's okay.
29:16We will.
29:18Or we won't.
29:20But at least it'll be on us.
29:22Hell, yeah.
29:26I gotta be honest.
29:27I haven't written anything in, like, 30 minutes.
29:29I accidentally dropped my pen in the pond.
29:33But I've been thinking.
29:41Housekeeping.
29:44Okay.
29:44Okay.
29:52Oh, my God.
29:53Oh, my God.
29:54Oh, my God.
29:56Where are my clothes?
29:57Where are my clothes?
29:58I'm sorry.
29:59Did we have sex?
30:00No.
30:00Then why am I naked?
30:01Oh, my God.
30:02Did Kayla and I have sex?
30:03Who's Kayla?
30:04My partner.
30:05Then wouldn't it be okay if you had sex?
30:07No.
30:08She's my business partner.
30:09This is a work trip.
30:10What is going on?
30:12Did you guys have sex?
30:13No!
30:14Okay.
30:15Well, he's naked.
30:16You gotta give him privacy.
30:17Whoa.
30:18Come on.
30:19It's so weird.
30:20What is up with this hotel?
30:22Kayla, what happened last night?
30:24Well, we convinced Bruno to turn himself in after a hit and run.
30:28That was crazy.
30:29My God.
30:30Fuck.
30:30That's right.
30:31And then what?
30:32And then the last Long Island really got you.
30:34You could barely walk.
30:35It's kind of sweet seeing you so vulnerable like that.
30:38Hmm.
30:39Then we found out that the hotel has bed bugs.
30:41Bed bugs?
30:42Oh!
30:42Oh, oh, my God.
30:43I know.
30:44I was like, bed bugs are real?
30:47We freaked out.
30:48We burned all our clothes.
30:49You burned our clothes?
30:50We burned our clothes.
30:52You were the one that lit the first match, honey.
30:54Why did you let me sleep here if there are bed bugs?
30:56Let you?
30:58I don't let you do anything.
31:00I'm not in charge of anyone's actions but my own.
31:03I am really getting it.
31:05Oh, my God.
31:06No wonder you were so itchy.
31:07Of course there were bed bugs.
31:08Anyways, I got us new clothes at Sassafras.
31:11What the fuck is Sassafras?
31:13It's a teen clothing store for girls.
31:15It's the only place that was open.
31:17But they have some really cute stuff in there.
31:19It's also so important for girls in the community to have a place they can go,
31:23get cute stuff that doesn't sexualize them.
31:26I don't care.
31:26Good for them.
31:27You should care.
31:28I talked to Mandy about it.
31:29Who the fuck is Mandy and why are we talking about her?
31:31The owner of Sassafras.
31:32She is a small business owner and you just yelled about her.
31:36Okay.
31:36I'm sure she's lovely.
31:37I just want to get dressed.
31:38This is highly inappropriate, Kayla.
31:40Here.
31:41Here's your clothes.
31:42Put it on.
31:44Last time I ever helped you with anything.
31:46Just kidding.
31:49Hurry up.
31:49We're going to miss the flight.
31:51Oh.
31:57Oh, my God.
31:58Are you sure we're walking the right way?
31:59I think so.
32:00Where the F is it?
32:01I swear I parked here.
32:03We've been walking forever and these stupid sugar floaties are giving me horrible blisters.
32:06Get over it.
32:07You look good.
32:10Oh, no.
32:11It's Debra.
32:12I'm going to have to tell her about Bruno.
32:14Hey.
32:15Hey.
32:16I know you've been working on getting us Bruno Fox for The Diva, but I've changed my mind.
32:21Oh, no.
32:22Why?
32:23We're scaling way back.
32:26I selflessly have given up on the idea of erecting a giant statue of myself.
32:30It's a tragedy.
32:31Jimmy, you should have seen the breasts.
32:33And we are scrapping the whole idea of a big theater entirely.
32:37Instead, it's going to be a proper comedy club.
32:39You know, intimate, old school.
32:41You know, a place where emerging comics have a chance to hone their voices.
32:45I actually think that's really cool.
32:47Great.
32:47I hope you didn't go to any trouble.
32:49Oh, no.
32:51No trouble at all.
32:52Okay.
32:52Okay.
32:53Let's talk soon.
32:53Bye.
32:55Well, she doesn't want Bruno, so I guess we got bed bugs for nothing.
32:59Oh, I think that's it.
33:01Yes!
33:02Thank God.
33:04My car!
33:05Hey!
33:05Wait!
33:06Wait, wait!
33:07We paid for parking.
33:08Wait!
33:09Daddy?
33:11What the hell?
33:12My God, have you no dignity?
33:14Cover up.
33:15Uh, I am covered.
33:16It's a full blouse.
33:17I'm talking to Jimmy.
33:19You look like two Hannah Montanas.
33:20Hannah Montana was two people you fucking moron.
33:23We got bed bugs and we had to go to Sassafras.
33:26What about the chokers?
33:27They complete the look.
33:28Apparently they complete the look.
33:29Hmm.
33:31I'm taking your Porsche back, Kayla.
33:32What?
33:33You can't take back a 31st birthday gift?
33:35You crazy psycho?
33:36See, I heard what you did.
33:38You talked Bruno into turning himself in.
33:40Why didn't you just leverage it?
33:42Offer to keep his secret if he did your stupid fucking residency.
33:46It's about closure for the family!
33:48Well, losing your car is just the beginning, Kayla.
33:52You see, our most valuable asset, it's not our money.
33:55It is the Schaefer family name and you are sullying it.
33:58Whatever.
33:59Who cares?
34:01I'm not paying for your bullshit anymore.
34:03Your trust fund's gone.
34:05Wait, what?
34:06And say goodbye to your fancy office.
34:08Good luck running your pathetic fucking company now.
34:12Let's go!
34:20Fuck!
34:36I don't know where my soul is.
34:39I don't know where my home is.
34:41I don't need for you to know.
34:43Faith in me brings me to tears.
34:48Even after all these years.
34:53And it pains me so much to tell.
34:58That you don't know me that way.
35:02Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
35:03And though my love is great.
35:08And though my love is true.
35:15I'm like a bird.
35:17I don't know where my soul is.
35:22I don't know where my home is.
35:24And baby, all I need for you to know is.
35:26I'm like a bird.
35:28I don't know where my soul is.
35:33I don't know where my home is.
35:35And baby, all I need for you to know is.
35:39I don't know where my soul is.
35:41I don't know where my soul is.
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