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Only Child S02E03-4 (2026) [Full Movie] [Latest Version]Full EP - Full
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00:02OK, you ready?
00:04That's a load of bloody nonsense.
00:06Aye, yes, or...?
00:06I've been driving for 50 years.
00:08I learnt to drive in an ice cream van, for Christ's sake.
00:11You learnt to drive in an ice cream van?
00:13Yes, things were a wee bit more relaxed in my day.
00:16But honestly, God, why have I got to re-sit my tests anyway?
00:19You drove into a swimming pool?
00:20Once.
00:21That's not a three-strike system, Dad.
00:23Right, OK, you're tested at 2 o'clock, so we've got a few hours to go through everything.
00:26Now, first up, they're going to test your eyesight, OK?
00:29So you have to be able to read a licence plate from 20 metres away.
00:33CV-59MXT?
00:35Yeah, not your own.
00:37OK, here we go.
00:411, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20.
00:57Yeah, this is fine.
00:58Yeah, Judge.
00:59I can see it quite clearly.
01:01No, you have to come here.
01:02What are you eating?
01:03Eh?
01:04Come here.
01:05I can't hear you from there, Richard.
01:0919, 18, 17, 16, 15.
01:13Can you hear me now?
01:14Eh?
01:14Course you can't.
01:1514, 13, 12, 11.
01:18Oh, 11.
01:19Ah, ah.
01:20Great.
01:20How can I help you?
01:21The number, please?
01:2320 metres?
01:24Oh, yes, yes, you mentioned.
01:26Yeah.
01:26Yeah, I did.
01:27So follow me.
01:3012, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20.
01:38Now?
01:39Yes, now.
01:40No, it's all right.
01:41You've gone again.
01:4419, 18, 17, 16, 15.
01:49Okay.
01:50Have you been to the toilet?
01:51Yes.
01:52Number one and number two.
01:54Right.
01:54Then another number one, but I just remain seated for that one.
01:57I don't need to know that, Dad.
02:00Okay.
02:00So I think we should do this under test conditions to get you prepared.
02:04So for the next couple of hours, I won't be Richard.
02:08I'll be Benjamin.
02:10Who am I again?
02:12You?
02:12Oh, me.
02:13Right.
02:16Eh, do you mind?
02:18I'm taking time out of my busy schedule to help you.
02:22All right.
02:23Schedule.
02:24Still.
02:25Oh, it's from Beth.
02:27She's tagged me on a picture of her new sunflower plant on Facebook.
02:31Isn't that lovely?
02:33I'll just give her a wee poke.
02:35Lovely.
02:36I thought you'd given up on Facebook.
02:38I didn't.
02:39But then Beth showed me how to use it properly.
02:42And she doesn't roll her eyes when I ask questions.
02:45I post all the time now.
02:47Do you?
02:50Dad, what are these?
02:52These aren't posts.
02:54They're complaint emails you've written on your wall.
02:57Wall?
02:58What wall?
02:59Albion Bank.
03:00BT.
03:01To whomever it may concern, my landline hasn't been working for six weeks now.
03:06Hmm.
03:07Despite repeated emails.
03:08Well, you mean Facebook posts.
03:10When will you be sending someone out?
03:14Oh.
03:15I worry about my son when he is in the house alone, as he will have no way of communicating
03:20with me if he needs his dad.
03:22I mean, what the hell?
03:24You posted that on Facebook.
03:26That'll be why no bugger's replying to me, is it?
03:28I mean, what were you thinking?
03:28You just type it anywhere and somehow it'll get to them.
03:33800 likes.
03:34All laughing emojis.
03:36Emily.
03:37I'm happy to go round and let him out for a pee.
03:40Oh, amazing.
03:41Oh, she's very funny, her.
03:43Very funny.
03:44Outdoor swim done.
03:46And off to brunch with my fave.
03:48That'll be Tim.
03:49Yes, I know that.
03:52Okay.
03:52Lesson number one.
03:53Checking your phone in the car is an automatic fail.
03:57No more distractions.
03:58No more phones.
03:59Okay?
04:03Sally!
04:04Hi.
04:05Richard, how are you?
04:07I'm, er...
04:08What it is, I just heard from a little birdie that there's going to be a Detective Manners
04:12spin-off.
04:13Seriously?
04:14Now, I don't know which character it's going to focus on, but I'll find out by the end of
04:18the day.
04:18I mean, it has to be you, doesn't it?
04:20Your character was the best character as far as I'm concerned.
04:23Erm, well, thanks Sally.
04:24Yes.
04:25Which one were you again?
04:27Dr Sparrow.
04:29Spell it.
04:30S-P-A-R-R-O-W.
04:33Oh, W.
04:33Yes, that's right.
04:34Unforgettable, Richard.
04:35I'll be in touch.
04:38Well, that was interesting.
04:41Sorry, I can't say anything about it yet.
04:43Oh well, that's fine.
04:44What it is, is it probably means I'm going to get my own TV show.
04:47By the way, I tell you I bumped into Catherine Rutherford the other day and her wee granddaughter.
04:51Many times.
04:52They've apparently decided to go on their first family holiday together and they can't decide...
04:57Can't decide whether to go to Portugal or Turkey.
05:01Oh.
05:02Where did they end up choosing?
05:04What do you mean where did they end up choosing?
05:05It's your story.
05:06You know they chose Turkey.
05:07Who did?
05:09Starting from now, I'm Benjamin.
05:12And when you think it's safe to do so, turn on the engine.
05:20Is it safe?
05:22Yes.
05:23It is safe.
05:24It is perfectly safe.
05:31It is safe.
05:32Check your mirrors!
05:33Check your mirrors!
05:34Check your mirrors!
05:35Check your mirrors!
05:36Check your mirrors!
05:36Oh yeah, that is, that is.
05:40Oh, look!
05:41See?
05:41That is 17 degrees.
05:43See that?
05:44I can see your rising
05:49And well!
05:52It's okay.
05:53It's okay.
05:55Engine on.
05:57Biting point.
05:59And gas.
06:03That's good.
06:04Engine on.
06:06Biting point.
06:09Gas.
06:11Okay, right.
06:12What you need to do...
06:14I know how to start a bloody car.
06:16Evidence would suggest otherwise.
06:18It's you! You're making me nervous!
06:20It's not me, is it?
06:21It's Benjamin.
06:23I hate to tell you, but Benjamin's turning out to be an almighty prick!
06:34And we're off.
06:35That's set up to 18 now.
06:37Yeah, maybe think about it second.
06:40Eh?
06:41Why have we stopped?
06:42What did you say?
06:44I just asked you to put the car into second gear.
06:47Oh, all right.
06:50We're turning right up ahead.
06:53I can't drive the car and listen to you at the same time.
06:57It's a driving test.
06:58You need to take instructions.
07:04It's down to 17 now.
07:07What's this obsession with the temperature?
07:09Eh?
07:10Eh?
07:22Good.
07:23Okay, Mr. Pritchard.
07:25In a couple of moments' time, I'd like you to attempt a reverse parallel park.
07:29Oh.
07:30Oh, look, there's Tim.
07:31Oh, God.
07:33I'll just give him a wee beep.
07:34Eh?
07:34No.
07:35The horn is to alert your presence to other drivers, not to greet pedestrians.
07:39I always think it's polite to beep somebody, you know.
07:42What's it with you and beeping at people the minute you recognise them?
07:44Honestly, it's like when you used to drive me to school.
07:46You'd beep at anyone who passed who was wearing a school uniform.
07:48It was madness.
07:50Every morning, I'd end up waving at my entire class.
07:52I look like the Queen.
08:01Richard, you beeped.
08:03Well, my dad did.
08:04Again?
08:04Hello!
08:05What are you two up to, then?
08:06Quick driving lesson?
08:07Bit of father-son bonding, eh?
08:09Yeah, I miss that.
08:10But on a day like today, when the old sun parts those dark grey clouds, I think...
08:14Yeah.
08:15That's him.
08:17Shining down on me.
08:18Yeah, apparently he's meant to rain later.
08:21Mr. Pritch, um...
08:22Do you mind if I call you Mr. Pritch?
08:23Oh, yes, yes, yes.
08:25Well, my dear old mum, she's coming with me to Avimor next week.
08:28I'm running a 10k.
08:31And, um, she just wondered if you'd mind keeping her company at the finish line.
08:35Oh, lovely.
08:37I've actually just finished giving her a wee poke there.
08:40Um, you tell your mother, I'd be absolutely delighted.
08:44Okay.
08:45Take care and, uh, stick with the driving, Richard.
08:48Yeah.
08:48No.
08:49No, I can drive.
08:50It's him that can't drive.
08:51I passed my tires when I was 17.
08:53Turn!
08:53Turn!
08:55Give him a wee beep.
08:57Watch us drive.
08:58Go.
09:05What are you doing?
09:06Who are you waving to?
09:09That was Joan Dempster.
09:11You don't need to beep every time.
09:13Who even wants that?
09:14It's single mum and watch our face.
09:16We're close friends then.
09:22Come on, I'm coming.
09:24Come on, I'm coming.
09:25What are you doing?
09:27Don't mind you're driving.
09:28Awww.
09:29It'll get cold.
09:34Shit!
09:37Oh my God.
09:39I can't stop you.
09:41Come on.
09:41Is that me they're tooting?
09:49So, did I pass?
09:51Is that a serious question?
09:53You mean I failed?
09:54Multiple times.
09:56Eh?
09:57Oh, what do we do now?
10:00I don't know, Dad.
10:02I didn't realise things had gotten so bad.
10:04Oh, how are we?
10:06It was one or two wee hiccups.
10:09It was nothing major.
10:10What about when you nearly hit that lollipop lady?
10:12What the hell was she doing standing in the middle of the bloody road anyway?
10:18Look, maybe she just used the bus from now on.
10:22I mean, it's free.
10:23Oh, it's free.
10:24When it turns up.
10:26We're going to have to postpone your test.
10:28Oh, come on.
10:29For heaven's sake.
10:30What's happening?
10:31Let's not be defeatist.
10:32I'm not being defeatist.
10:33I'm being realistic.
10:34Realistic?
10:36Realistic, Richard?
10:38Can I tell you something, son?
10:41Ninety percent of my life is spent working round the things I'm not allowed to do anymore.
10:45I'm not allowed to go hill walking.
10:47I'm not allowed to eat grease.
10:48If I see somebody with bright green hair and pins sticking out their face, I'm not allowed to mention it.
10:55If I don't get my license back, that is just one more thing in my life that's closed off to
11:00me.
11:00And you know what?
11:02There comes a point when you just think to yourself, what is the use?
11:07What's my use?
11:12Okay.
11:14I suppose we could give it one more try.
11:18Really?
11:21If you listen to me and do exactly as I say.
11:25I will, son.
11:25I will.
11:26I will.
11:28Engine on.
11:31Mirrors.
11:34Oh, look at the earth, Ian and Jen.
11:36Unbelievable.
11:41Hi, Ken.
11:42Dr. Sparrow.
11:43Good to see you behind the wheel again, Ken.
11:45I don't suppose you give us a lift to the pub.
11:47We need to open and we're running a bit late.
11:49Afraid no.
11:50Awful good of you, Ken.
11:51Yeah, yeah.
11:52Thanks, lads.
11:53Don't mention it.
11:54So, been anywhere nice?
11:56The old marriage counselling again.
11:58She can't get enough of us.
12:00I asked if she did loyalty cards.
12:03She didn't laugh.
12:05Not even a flicker.
12:07How's that all going?
12:09That's fine.
12:10Grand.
12:10Grand.
12:13Oh, what's that, my love?
12:17Just what you said in there.
12:19What did I say in there?
12:21Just about me using laughter as a way of not dealing with things.
12:27I didn't say that, did I?
12:30Yes.
12:30Which is fine.
12:35I suppose she said it, but you sort of did a nod along.
12:39A nod along?
12:40This traffic's taking quite a while, isn't it?
12:42Right.
12:45So, did you mean to nod along her?
12:48Well, I suppose if I did nod along, then, you know, maybe she might possibly have something.
12:54So, you agree with her?
12:56I think it might be temporary traffic lights.
12:59I don't agree with her.
13:00You don't do it all the time.
13:01It is.
13:01It's temporary traffic lights.
13:03I do it some of the time, do I?
13:07Maybe.
13:07Some of the time.
13:08Maybe.
13:10Maybe.
13:11You see, that's up to 19 degrees now.
13:14Is it?
13:14That's strange.
13:15Mm-hmm.
13:26I think we might just walk the rest of the way, lads.
13:28Are you sure?
13:29Yeah.
13:29I mean, the pub's right there, to be fair.
13:32Thanks for the lift.
13:33Bye.
13:34No worries.
13:41No worries.
13:43Why?
13:44Come on.
13:45Light's green.
13:51You said you had the keys, you feckin' ages.
13:55Turn the wheel.
13:57Keep turning the wheel.
13:58Stop turning the wheel.
13:59And checking your blind spot.
14:01Where does that again?
14:03Good.
14:04This is good.
14:05Just maintain the speed.
14:08Oh, and braking to a halt.
14:13And brake on.
14:15Great.
14:16You're doing great.
14:17Don't patronise me.
14:19She cannot win with you.
14:34Oh.
14:35Oh, God.
14:37Change of planning.
14:38You turn.
14:39Hey.
14:39Now.
14:42Now, Dad.
14:43Oh, take it, take it, take it.
14:44You watch your bloody madness.
14:55Okay, nice.
14:56Well done.
14:57So, where the hell am I going?
14:58Just follow Tim for a bit.
15:00Follow Tim?
15:01Yeah, that's right.
15:02Following a pedestrian.
15:03That's part of the test now, is it?
15:04You never know.
15:05They update it all the time.
15:07Okay, right.
15:08Right.
15:08All right.
15:09All right.
15:10All right.
15:11There he is.
15:12There he is.
15:13Keep up.
15:13I'm keeping up.
15:14I'm keeping up.
15:14Right, floor it.
15:15Oh, this is blooming mad that you will pass this test.
15:18What the hell has got an interview?
15:21What in the hell has got an interview?
15:24All right, Richie.
15:26What may I like, eh?
15:27Are you okay, Dixie?
15:28Aye, I'm fine.
15:31Hello, Darren.
15:33Sorry about the hurt.
15:34Ah, no worries.
15:35Oh, and nice petunias.
15:37I am, yeah.
15:39I mean the flowers.
15:41Oh, they are, yeah.
15:42I'm getting into hort... hort... hort... hort... horticulture.
15:47That's the one.
15:48Ah, that's good, son. That's great.
15:52That'll keep you out of trouble.
15:54It is, yeah.
15:54Oi! Keep that back!
15:56Take care, yeah?
16:01Oh, great. Now Tim's gone.
16:03Well done.
16:05Well, that'll be me failed again, is it?
16:15There you go. What's happening?
16:18Well, thankfully she updates her stories quite a lot, so I'm sure she'll post through their meetings soon.
16:25It's not a stocking.
16:27I'm saying nothing.
16:30Sounds a wee bit like stocking to me, though.
16:32Well, that's not saying nothing, is it?
16:34Oh, come on!
16:35Why is it so important that we have to find out where they're meeting, anyway?
16:38Because I think Tim is about to propose to Emily.
16:41You're a big galoot, you.
16:44Honestly, why didn't you tell her how you felt about her years ago?
16:47I don't know, there's just always been this potential between me and her.
16:53I guess I felt that as long as it stayed potential, then I couldn't mess it up like everything else.
16:59But now the idea that there won't even be a chance, and that I've waited too long.
17:08Yes, we're in.
17:09Bonny appetit.
17:10Right, let's go.
17:11Right, let's go.
17:11Right, so what's the plan?
17:14I don't know.
17:14Oh, marvellous.
17:29What now?
17:31Well, I don't know.
17:32Just observe, I suppose.
17:34That's your big romantic gesture, is it?
17:37Just to spy on her.
17:38Just give me a minute.
17:43Why is she laughing so much?
17:44That's our thing.
17:45Listen, I don't mean to rush you, but my test isn't half an hour.
17:49You're all right.
17:52Oh, no, you don't.
17:54Oh, so you're allowed to beep now, are you?
17:57Stay there.
18:00Emily.
18:01Tim, I thought that was you.
18:03Hello.
18:04Richard.
18:05Hi.
18:06What are you up to?
18:07Uh, just giving my dad a final driving lesson before his test.
18:11Cos I can drive.
18:12Right.
18:13Ah, sort of.
18:14I mean, don't call you three-prang-pritchard for nothing.
18:16None of those were my fault.
18:17Good case.
18:18Oh.
18:18Ah.
18:20Looks nice.
18:24I should let you eat.
18:26Cos otherwise it'd be weird.
18:28Well, tell Mr Pritch good luck from us.
18:31I take it you've called the swimming pool to warn him that he's back on the road, yeah?
18:35I should, shouldn't I?
18:39Oh.
18:45This is nice.
18:47You know, catching up.
18:49We should do this more often, the three of us.
18:51Or I could bring someone.
18:52Right.
18:53Bring your dad.
18:53No, I met a girl.
18:55If I met a girl, I would bring a girl.
18:57Yeah, yeah, just let us know.
19:04Is there anything else?
19:05No.
19:07That's all, Fox.
19:08I've never done that before in my life.
19:10Oh.
19:15How'd that go?
19:25I was meaning to ask, actually, uh, what's the food like here?
19:28Uh, well, we don't know, because, uh, some guy keeps interrupting us before we can take
19:33a bite.
19:33Oh, right, right.
19:35Um, well, do you want to take a bite now?
19:38Well, you want to watch?
19:40Oh, I am.
19:42Yeah, yeah.
19:42Okay, sure.
19:43I'll, I'll try some.
19:45Moist.
19:48And how, how does it, uh, taste?
19:50Like eggs.
19:51Oh, excellent.
19:52Or should I say egg-cellent?
19:54No.
19:55No.
19:55Oh, I've also been meaning to ask, um, uh, you know this one, Tim, uh, what is an egg?
20:00Is that a vegetable, or what food group would you put it in?
20:04An egg is a member of the protein food group.
20:07Egg is a member of the protein food group?
20:08Oh, of course, of course.
20:11Egg-cellent, I've done that one.
20:12Did you fall over today?
20:14Well, I think I've, um, I think I've got the information I came for, uh, so I, uh, I,
20:18uh, I shall bid you head you.
20:20Adieu!
20:22Okay.
20:23Bye.
20:25Shh, go back.
20:26Come on, you can do it.
20:28Go, go, go.
20:30Go back.
20:33I'm sorry, I'm sorry to do this, mister.
20:34You just keep your hands on the table where I can see them.
20:38Wait, are you in on this?
20:40Is this one of your jokes that I don't get?
20:42Yeah, I just want to make it clear I have nothing to do with this.
20:45Okay, well, I wanted to show you...
20:47I'm getting my own TV show.
20:50Oh, well, that's, that's, that's great, Richard, but, um, now might not be the best time.
20:54Yeah, I wasn't going to say anything, but, uh, you forced it out of me, Tim.
20:57Gah!
20:58Did I?
20:59Yeah, it's a Dr. Spiral spin-off.
21:01Ah!
21:02Okay, well, that, that's amazing.
21:04Congrats, man.
21:05Is that everything?
21:06Is that everything?
21:09Is that everything?
21:10Okay, well, while you're thinking about it, what is it you wanted to show me?
21:14So?
21:14No, don't!
21:15What's going on, Richard?
21:16Just don't make any decisions now.
21:18What do you mean?
21:19What does he mean?
21:20I really don't know.
21:22I just wanted to show you my dad's old ring.
21:24Oh!
21:24Oh, did they clean it up all right?
21:26Yeah, they did a really good job, actually.
21:27Oh, really?
21:28Dad's, she...
21:31It's your dad's ring.
21:35I saw my flowers in the jewellers, and I thought, I...
21:41I don't know.
21:46Saved by the horn!
21:48Yeah, this has been...
21:49Yeah, I'm going to go now.
21:59I'm not hungry anymore.
22:00No, me either.
22:04Thanks for getting me out of that.
22:06No, I beeped you because I wanted you to go into the shop and put my lottery on.
22:09No!
22:10No, just drive!
22:10As quick as you can!
22:11All right.
22:12So, how did that go?
22:13I can't feel my legs.
22:14Oh, do.
22:15Right.
22:16I'll just, uh, sort my mirrors.
22:18No, forget the mirrors!
22:19No, no, no.
22:23Just take your time!
22:25You're shouting!
22:26I'm panicked!
22:27I'm sorry, okay?
22:29Nice and easy.
22:31Engine on!
22:32Biting point!
22:34Accelerator!
22:39Engine on!
22:41Engine on!
22:42Accelerator!
22:42Accelerator!
22:46Frank, go on.
22:48Get out, I'm driving.
22:53Ah, just nip in and do my lottery.
22:55Nope.
22:56No, no, no.
22:57Oh, it took a minute for heaven's sakes.
23:01God.
23:01Oh, it took a minute for me to go.
23:05Who put that there?
23:15Shh.
23:17Oh.
23:19All right, Richie.
23:20What would you like, eh?
23:37Ken Pritchard?
23:40Don't mention it.
23:43That's me.
23:45If you'd like to follow me.
23:46No.
23:47Look, I'm sorry the driving lesson got about out of hand earlier.
23:52You'll be fine, Dad.
23:54And, just so you know, you have plenty of uses.
24:01Like a multi-tool.
24:05Yeah, exactly.
24:15Good luck.
24:23Sally, hi.
24:24Richard, how are you?
24:25Please tell me you've got good news.
24:27Well, you know, I just might.
24:29Now tell me, what was your character called again?
24:30Dr. Sparrow.
24:35Hello?
24:36Not Judge Basquiat then.
24:44Oh my god.
24:47You alright here, man?
24:49What?
24:54I failed.
24:59So we remind ourselves to be in the here and now, not in the past.
25:05We're going to end by taking a few relaxing breaths.
25:10In.
25:13And out.
25:16In.
25:18And out.
25:22In.
25:24And out.
25:26In.
25:28And relax.
25:30Well done.
25:34Oh, good.
25:36You're awake.
25:37That television's still not working.
25:43Wait for that engineer again.
25:46Numbers on the dining room table.
25:48I think you must be the only man still alive to use one of these.
25:51What?
25:52I'm not calling the engineers again.
25:53They've been out twice already, Dad.
25:55Remember they told us.
25:56We're just in a black zone for satellites.
25:58What?
25:58Are you telling me that Forrest is more of a black zone than space?
26:01Well, in Forrest no one can hear me scream.
26:03Hey.
26:03Or say anything.
26:05What if I plugged the television into the computer?
26:08Oh, what if I connected the toaster to the boiler?
26:10Or the kettle to the washing machine?
26:12You're making a point here.
26:13Yes, I am.
26:14That it wouldn't work.
26:14That's one.
26:15So there's absolutely nothing I can do to get the television working?
26:18I'm looking to getting cable again.
26:19I do not want the cable.
26:21And I will tell you for why.
26:23Barbara Cookson at number four.
26:25She got the cable.
26:26It went off on.
26:42She fell down a manhole.
26:44Okay, we won't get cable then.
26:46Listen, we'd better get a move on.
26:47We've got to get the trend to abbey more.
26:49That race starts at two.
26:50How many times, Dad?
26:51I'm not coming.
26:52Why not?
26:53Well, A, I don't really want to watch Emily cheer on her boyfriend doing a run.
26:56And B, you mean trains.
26:58It just always ends in disaster.
26:59Like when?
27:00Like when I was filming in Paris and I paid for you and Mum to come over on the Eurostar
27:03for your 70th.
27:04Your mother and I were in Brussels for my 70th.
27:07Yeah, exactly.
27:07Because you got the wrong Eurostar.
27:08And do you remember when you got there and I asked you to stay put because I'd come there
27:11to Brussels to meet you?
27:13Where were you when I got there?
27:14I think it could have been Paris.
27:15Because you got the Eurostar back to Paris.
27:18Yeah, I'm glad I did my meditation.
27:20I'm really feeling the benefit of that.
27:21Listen, Emily is going to be there and you said you wanted to let her know how you feel.
27:26Oh, Dad, that was a glaive eye talking.
27:28I've missed the boat with Emily.
27:30I just have to accept that and move on with my life.
27:32Well, I can't go without you.
27:34Why?
27:35You know full well why.
27:37Oh, come on, we've been through this a thousand times.
27:39Right, the train ticket is on your phone.
27:42All you have to do is put the phone train ticket side down and scan it on the QR code.
27:46What is a QR code?
27:47No, I'm not going through that again.
27:50Listen, when I worked on the trains, a train ticket was something you held in your hand.
27:55A bit like that.
27:56That is not a train ticket.
27:58Why does everything have to happen through a bloomin' phone nowadays?
28:02I mean, what was wrong with the old ways?
28:04You wouldn't even let me carry money in my pocket anymore.
28:07Dad, you were carrying £34.60 in loose change.
28:10Your trousers almost fell down on Asda.
28:11That is because I forgot to put a belt on.
28:13Come on, it's just the way things are now.
28:15Everything's digital.
28:16Yes, well I'm not.
28:21Agreed.
28:27Arms.
28:27I mean, erm, hi Emily, and Tim, and Beth, and everyone, not just Emily.
28:35OK.
28:35I called your dad about him sorting me out with some glue.
28:44Richard, have you seen my prick stick?
28:46Eh, Pritt stick?
28:48And no, I haven't.
28:49Jean used to use it for the Christmas cards, you know, to stick them down.
28:53She read somewhere that licking the envelopes gives you the squirts.
28:56Oh, lovely.
29:00I like your t-shirt.
29:01Hmm.
29:03Suckus.
29:03Yeah, it's Latin for juice.
29:05Yeah.
29:06It's a small energy drinks company I started a few years back.
29:09They're publicly endorsing me for this run.
29:11Is it definitely pronounced like that?
29:14Suckus.
29:15Yeah.
29:16Pretty sure.
29:16So you're endorsing yourself with your own company called Suckus.
29:21Yeah.
29:22Great.
29:23Just thought I'd check.
29:26Hey, how do you get on?
29:27Er, yes.
29:28Good.
29:29You don't need to pee now.
29:31So, mission accomplished in that sense.
29:33Yeah, it's a bloody thing.
29:34Sorry again, we can't fit you in the car, Ken.
29:37It's just that there's not a lot of room, what with the Tim's energy drinks.
29:41Suckus.
29:42Yep.
29:44Hey, that's alright.
29:45I'm more than happy to get the train.
29:47It's absolutely no bother.
29:48Oh, it's some bother.
29:50Are you having problems with your television?
29:52Oh, don't remind me.
29:53I'm actually thinking about getting one of those dodgy sticks.
29:56Dad, how many times?
29:57They're illegal.
29:58No, they're not.
29:58What do you think dodgy means?
30:00They are a bit illegal, Mr Pritch.
30:02Gwen Joyce has one.
30:03Oh, that'll be the same Gwen Joyce who had a weed farm growing in her attic.
30:06She was as surprised as anybody else to find that up there.
30:09Yeah, if only she'd seen the security footage of her buying 800 LED lamps.
30:16Yeah, or wondering why she always had the munchies.
30:19Yeah, up high.
30:22Uh, yeah, sorry.
30:24Exactly.
30:25Here it is.
30:26Oh, that's great.
30:28It's for my Go Tim sign.
30:30I always make one hold it up for him running past, don't I?
30:34You sure do.
30:34Only now I have to stick pictures of him onto it.
30:37Since the incident.
30:39The incident?
30:40Well, there was this race a few years back where another Tim was running.
30:45He ran past the sign and apparently I looked quite a bit like his mum.
30:49What it was, Richard.
30:51He hadn't seen her in 20 years, they'd had a big falling out
30:54and he thought she'd come back to bury the hatchet.
30:57He was quite down when he realised, but it did make him decide to reach out to her.
31:04Aww.
31:05Aww, that's nice.
31:06Yes.
31:08Turns out she died five years previous and he had no idea.
31:12So now, I'll stick pictures on.
31:27What are you doing?
31:29You're going to miss your train.
31:30No, no, I'm not going.
31:32What?
31:33I told you I don't know how to do the tickets.
31:35Once again, technology has destroyed my time on the trains.
31:39You mean when you took early retirement instead of learning how to use the card machine?
31:43I'll be fine here.
31:44Just get a physical ticket at the station.
31:47I don't want to anymore.
31:48But Dad, all you've been talking about all week is how you were looking forward to spending time with Beth.
31:52That's the reason you're going.
31:53Was going.
31:55I know what you're doing here.
31:57I don't know what you're talking about.
31:58You know fine well what I'm talking about.
32:01You're thinking I'll just sit here looking sad until he gives in and comes with me.
32:05Well, that's just not going to happen.
32:18That's that locked.
32:19You think?
32:22Why have you got a bag?
32:23It's only a 45 minute journey.
32:24Well that's exactly enough time to watch an episode or something.
32:28Is your generation incapable of sitting with their own thoughts for any length of time?
32:33Honestly, why have you always got to be attached to a device?
32:36I'm not attached to a device just now, am I?
32:38Oh, one minute.
32:41Sally, hi.
32:43Oh Richard, hello.
32:44Bad news on the Panto I'm afraid.
32:45It's a no.
32:47Really?
32:47I thought it went well.
32:49Yes, they thought you were just a little bit too upbeat.
32:52Too upbeat for Panto?
32:53Yes, they were looking for a little more nuance in your portrayal.
32:57The character was called Hoinky Doinky.
32:59Yes, they said there was a little too much hoik and not enough doink for them.
33:03Also, they didn't like you breaking the fourth wall.
33:06It's a Panto.
33:07It's all to do with the director's vision or something.
33:10I wasn't really paying attention to be honest.
33:12Anyway, it's not the end of the world.
33:14No.
33:14Oh, yes it is.
33:18Too soon, sorry.
33:19Bye Sally.
33:20Okay, it's still waiting to head back on the Crimewatch reconstruction.
33:26Train now approaching platform two.
33:28It's got real service to you.
33:30And we will wait and wait.
33:33So are you going to do this ticket thing for me or not?
33:36No, I'm not.
33:38Because you have to learn how to do this stuff yourself, darling.
33:41Come on, don't look so worried.
33:44There's a nice girl there.
33:46Can I not show her my ticket?
33:47No.
33:48Why not?
33:48Because this is quicker.
33:50They just seem quicker to me.
33:51Dad, you can't stand in the way of progress all your life.
33:53Excuse me, darling.
33:54Oh, apparently you can.
33:56Would you mind just opening a barrier for me and I'll just show you my ticket?
33:59It's just I'm useless with this thing.
34:01I'd much rather leave the house without it.
34:04You do leave the house without it.
34:05Yeah, no problem.
34:06No, we're fine, thanks.
34:08What?
34:08We don't need your help.
34:09So you don't want me to open the barriers for them?
34:11That's right.
34:12I really don't mind letting them through.
34:13A lot of older people are-
34:14We're fine.
34:15Thanks.
34:17There's no need to be rude.
34:19I wasn't being rude.
34:19I thought you were rude.
34:21Did you think he was rude?
34:22I thought it was a little bit rude, yeah.
34:23Why are you still here?
34:25Oh, okay.
34:26That was rude.
34:27Sorry.
34:30Come on, Dad.
34:31We can do this.
34:32Just the way I showed you, right?
34:33Unlock your phone.
34:352157.
34:35It's probably best Nox do that out loud, but one battle at a time.
34:40Find your ticket.
34:41Yeah, I'll take it.
34:43Yeah.
34:44No, that's your home screen.
34:45Is it?
34:46Look at that.
34:47And that's the calculator.
34:49Is there a calculator in there?
34:50Just give me the phone, would you?
34:52Right.
34:53Okay.
34:53Scanner's there.
34:55QR code on the scanner.
34:57Barrier's open.
34:58You walk through.
34:59Okay?
35:04I just...
35:07Just...
35:09Want me to just let you through?
35:10Yes, please.
35:14No!
35:15Want me to keep them open for you?
35:17No.
35:18No, I don't.
35:19Because some people are able to do things in the correct and proper way.
35:24So you want me to close them?
35:25Yes, please.
35:36That's all you needed to do.
35:37Do you see how simple that was?
35:41I'll just scan it again.
35:42No, it won't let you scan it twice.
35:45Oh.
35:46Do you want me to open the barriers for you?
35:52Yes, please.
35:56No.
35:57Very good.
35:58Very good.
35:58That's how you do it.
35:59Give me that phone, won't you?
36:02I'm downloading your return ticket now.
36:04And you're scanning that QR code on the way back if it kills me.
36:07Yes, yes.
36:08Whatever you say.
36:09Where exactly are we going here?
36:10I've got to see.
36:13What is it now?
36:14Well, I'm actually bursting for the toilet.
36:17Right, there's a toilet on the train.
36:18The train?
36:19Toilet must not be used whilst the train is stationary.
36:22That's the first thing you learn when you become a conductor.
36:25Well, you'll just need to hold on to it then.
36:26Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you?
36:27Which bit of that would I love?
36:29And could you not have mentioned this before we got through the barrier?
36:31Well, I just need to go before I come through the barrier.
36:34Right, can you be done and back in six minutes?
36:38Yes.
36:38Oh, maybe your new pal could let you out.
36:41Right, we're in Coat C, seat 41.
36:44Coat C, seat 41.
36:46Yes, yes.
36:52Ticket barriers are in operation at this station.
37:01Excuse me, sorry, I've actually got that seat booked.
37:32Oh my.
37:33Fuck.
37:34What's he doing?
37:39No.
37:40Oh.
37:42Oh.
37:43Sorry, can I?
37:44Oh, no.
37:44It's all right, I need to.
37:46Yeah.
37:50Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
38:02Oh, yeah.
38:03You're watching something already?
38:05You haven't.
38:06The train's not even moving.
38:08Oh, yeah.
38:08There you go.
38:10Ham and cheese.
38:12Bottle of water.
38:13Don't worry, it's sparkling.
38:16Lovely picket of cheese and onion crisps.
38:19And a twirl.
38:22We're sharing that, mind.
38:23One finger each.
38:26Welcome aboard this Scotchdale service to Wick.
38:29Wick?
38:30Are we on the right train?
38:32Are we on the right train?
38:33Dingwall.
38:33All Ness.
38:34Ember Gordon.
38:35Who the hell are you?
38:49Come to us a reminder that all paid tickets are not valid on this service.
38:53Oh.
38:54What hell?
38:55What is he?
38:59Is he pointing me up?
39:00Dad!
39:02Come here, Dad!
39:06Dad!
39:11My laptop.
39:13My laptop!
39:22Ah, excuse me.
39:24I'm sitting in there.
39:26Thank you very much.
39:27I'll let that go.
39:29Oh!
39:31That was close.
39:33Disaster averted.
40:15Hello there.
40:16Excuse me.
40:17I was just, I was just wondering.
40:19There was a lot of runners going about the place.
40:21You know, giving it up.
40:23I don't suppose you've seen any men in lycra about the place.
40:26Running about, you know, tight.
40:29At the beach.
40:30Oh, see, I'll let that go.
40:38All right, let's go.
40:39No, don't let it go.
40:42No, don't let it go.
40:44No, don't let it go.
41:00nice isn't it oh yeah yeah it's different
41:07oh good luck there he is now go team team come on my son
41:24oh richard oh you made it then where's ken he's not here i know i meant he's not showing up
41:30here
41:30what have you lost him i didn't lose him he lost himself you mean he's missing it's okay mom
41:36we'll have a circus and then we'll talk this through uh yeah yeah we got split up on the
41:40train i ended up in beauly i've got his phone look it's a long story right well surely he just
41:44make
41:44me back to forest uh he wouldn't be able to buy a ticket why some guy made him stop carrying
41:50cash
41:50richard it's okay i know the event organizers they'll keep an eye out for him they've got people
41:56stationed all around the circuit hey hi yeah it's me i just not 39 minutes 26 seconds yeah no i
42:04think
42:04it is a new personal best sorry yeah listen i need you to just do something for me uh beth
42:10why don't
42:11you and tim take the town you know streets tea shops that sort of thing kikes scones what have
42:17you uh-huh yeah me and richard i'll take the woods look chances are he's probably got lost trying to
42:21find the finish line yeah no i'm sure you're right yeah well pastor for breakfast is controversial
42:26these days but to be honest with you i think he gave me the edge tim your gray hair yeah
42:32glasses
42:33yeah just um shoes he's wearing shoes
42:43jean
42:47no no no it couldn't be sorry to bother you
42:52it's just i thought but it couldn't be
43:05mr bridge
43:08mr bridge
43:11mr bridge
43:18my ankle oh god hold on don't touch it oh what did i just need sorry
43:26oh let's get this off
43:32all the others were in the wash
43:33oh that is just lovely
43:39okay does it hurt if i do this
43:42oh what about this yeah oh that's interesting is it broken no but i realized i can do this
43:48yeah yeah yeah yeah
43:50staying alive staying alive she's supposed to be a nurse
43:56trust me that is vanilla compared to what we usually get up to oh it's fine you've just twisted it
44:01but what do i do now well you made a will oh hilarious nothing just give it a few minutes
44:16be funny if we ended up having to eat each other
44:25i always forget that sometimes silence is fine
44:30yeah
44:45ah
44:47that's a little b-man
44:59no i need to stop
45:01again
45:03really hurt somebody
45:05right if zombies ever attack remind me never to make a run for it with you
45:18i'm sure tim's got an ankle support with him
45:20i don't need tim's ankle support
45:24tim's ankle support
45:26it's quite a good name for a band actually
45:29hi we're tim's ankle support
45:31no this is a song about the first time that you properly fall in love
45:34are you in love with him
45:35what i'm sorry what did you say nothing nothing
45:38no me too
45:42do you not like tim
45:43um what me
45:46not like
45:46to tim i mean
45:48i don't know what does it even mean to like someone in the current climate
45:53okay you don't like him
45:54i'm not a fan but i
45:55i don't know it
45:57it just doesn't seem like your
45:59type
46:01what is my type
46:02guys from forests mainly
46:04yeah
46:05imagine wanting a change from that
46:10i know he seems a bit much
46:11sometimes but
46:14but he's sweet
46:16he's comfortable in himself
46:18you know he's a go-getter
46:20things seem possible around him you know
46:23he's actually
46:24thinking of moving to new zealand for a year
46:26is he really
46:27oh yeah i've heard it's beautiful
46:32he's asked me to go with him
46:33but the weather's meant to be terrible
46:35and i've heard it's prohibitively expensive
46:38this wellness retreat reached out to him on instagram
46:41they want him to do a mind body and soul workshop
46:43wherever that is
46:45and i could get a nursing job easily enough
46:47well you've looked into it
46:50but a little bit i mean
46:52it's new zealand
46:53sure
46:54and you've probably completed for us
46:55anyway bannett
46:58i haven't made my mind up yet
47:00cool
47:05sorry for bringing up zombies earlier
47:07you know how scared you are of them
47:09what?
47:11any horror film really
47:13every time we'd rent one you'd watch it with your eyes closed
47:15yeah but that's because it's the score that makes it scary
47:18so it's actually braver just to listen
47:21and you'd always fall for the jump scares
47:23well they shouldn't just come out of nowhere like that
47:25oh so you are scared of them
47:26no
47:26no
47:27no
47:27all right
47:29sorry for bringing it up
47:31thank you
47:35maybe we should look down by those
47:36jeez
47:37so immature
47:46bollocks
47:49so there you are
47:51ah it's ankle
47:53where the hell have you been?
47:55where the hell have i been?
47:57coach c sheet 41
47:59where the hell were you?
48:00i'm sorry
48:00who's this?
48:02oh hey
48:03i ended up joining a search party for this fella
48:06and i found him
48:07matches his description perfectly
48:09hey
48:09he joined your own search party
48:11of course he did
48:11hey
48:12ken
48:14oh
48:14oh
48:14oh
48:17you silly man
48:19you had me so worried
48:21don't do that again
48:23hey
48:23you should replenish your fluids
48:25take a sip of my circus
48:26hey
48:27have you guys been here long?
48:29no we just got here
48:30so you didn't see anything?
48:32what?
48:32nothing
48:34can you take me back to my family now?
48:36yes
48:37i'll take you back to your family now
48:39you've been banging on about that for some time now
48:53what a day
48:55where did your laptop end up?
48:58glasgow
48:59oh
49:00i had my whole life on that laptop
49:03oh look at that
49:05i was going to watch the untouchables tonight
49:08he puts one of yours in the morgue
49:10you put one of his in the hospital
49:13that's the other way about it
49:14what?
49:15he puts one of yours in the hospital
49:16you put one of his in the morgue
49:18that's the chicago way
49:20who are you doing?
49:21honestly i give it
49:23hi dad i'm knackered
49:24go on to bed
49:25night night
49:27okay
49:28good night son
49:30yeah
49:39you can stream it
49:41oh what?
49:42watch it online
49:43don't need the satellite for that
49:46there you go
49:47marvellous
49:49i'll start in a minute
49:49ho ho
49:51ah thanks son
49:54oh
49:56gee
50:01ah
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