- 8 minutes ago
Neighborhood Watch - Season 1 - Episode 02: Maximum Cringe
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TVTranscript
00:03love you guys love you tiffany
00:15that was slippery
00:21hello you are currently being recorded your house
00:27is a camera at any given time tens of millions of homes are recording your
00:33every move help me
00:41hello hi am i in the wrong house i think so yes ma'am
00:46oh my god i'm so sorry and if you're watching at just the right moment
00:57you'll catch your neighbors when they thought no one was looking
01:05i didn't know what to do my body froze and you don't know what else to say
01:09come join
01:18the neighborhood watch you are currently being recorded
01:37this man's recording himself talking in his sleep
01:44really what adjust your neck or something
01:48you got uh got uh everything you need right here for me
01:52i do appreciate your concern though and if we can help in any way in the
01:57future please don't hesitate to reach out to us
02:24this delivery driver doesn't realize that a camera is about to capture a cringe-worthy
02:30for the moment
02:35so
02:41you
02:43you
02:56you
03:00Dude, if your car is a stick, it is rolling away.
03:10I just saw it on camera, you might want to go grab it.
03:15Your car is rolling away.
03:30In Ohio, a nosy driver calls police with a strange story.
03:35I was just driving down Lincoln Way and I was behind this car and they had like hair sticking
03:43out of the trunk and I don't know if it was like a possible person in their trunk.
03:48So we arrive at the house and see the described vehicle sitting in the driveway and at that
03:55point that's when we went to the doorbell to make contact, see if we could get any further
03:58information.
03:59So I'm at home eating chicken strips, minding my business.
04:03When I opened the door, it was two police officers.
04:06Now one police officer was fine as wine.
04:08Oh my gosh.
04:11Hello.
04:12How are you?
04:13Good.
04:13How are you?
04:14Oh, Jesus.
04:14The craziest thing you're not going to believe.
04:16What happened?
04:17So we got a call.
04:18Somebody's concerned.
04:20What did I do?
04:21It was kind of an awkward moment where I can't just come out and ask, hey, is there a body
04:26in your trunk?
04:26I kind of have to break the ice.
04:28Do you look like a hair stylist?
04:30No.
04:30I thought he liked my hairstyle because my hair was nice, slayed and laid, okay?
04:35It was looking good.
04:36But then I realized, like, why would he ask me that?
04:39So there's like hair hanging out of your trunk?
04:41Oh my Jesus.
04:43Someone's like...
04:43Oh, that's my wig.
04:44Oh, hold on.
04:45I tried my wig.
04:46Hold on.
04:46Oh.
04:49Oh.
04:50So after I got my hair done, when I stuck at the stop signs, even at the lights, people
04:55were giving me dirty stares.
04:57Well, that's the reason why.
04:59It's because my wig was hanging out the trunk.
05:03They probably think I got a dead body in my trunk.
05:05They probably think I killed someone.
05:07I'm not trying to go to jail.
05:09Oh.
05:12Oh.
05:12Hold on.
05:13I need you.
05:14Hello.
05:14You gotta come see it, though.
05:17Oh, my Jesus.
05:20You gotta see it, though.
05:21Oh, Jesus.
05:22I didn't hear you.
05:24Oh, my wig!
05:26We both shared a laugh together.
05:28After everyone was laughing, they said, thank you and have a good day.
05:32And next time, you know, maybe put your wig in the back seat.
05:36While this craziness was happening, my dad was watching this live on the ring camera.
05:42And once the officers left, he was laughing unstoppable.
05:46So I decided to put it on Facebook.
05:48Oh, that's my wig!
05:49Oh, hold on.
05:50That's not my wig.
05:51Hold on.
05:51So to this day, I have not received another call quite like the one that I went on that
05:57day.
05:57It's one that's gonna stand out through the rest of my career.
05:59That's for sure.
06:00The fine man.
06:01The finest wine man.
06:03Have I seen him around?
06:04No.
06:05I have not seen him around at all.
06:07If y'all have, tell him I said hi.
06:11We are all set.
06:17Hey, you are very welcome.
06:19You have yourself an amazing rest of your day and excellent weekend.
06:21Okay?
06:44What the f*** is wrong with you?
06:50In Texas, a man is about to encounter something embarrassingly unexpected.
06:59God dammit!
07:07A small creature has a big surprise in store for this man.
07:11If you're dead outside the wilderness, If you're gone, I'll tell them you tried.
07:13If you keep going oh yeah.
07:15I'm half a万 export then Oh yeah.
07:17No.
07:19No.
07:20God dammit.
07:25Oh, God dammit!
07:27Oh,**!
07:31Oh,**!
07:46He has my nipples?
07:49Yeah.
07:52Ben has baby nipples.
07:54So Lily is about two years old.
07:57I was in the other room doing laundry.
07:58She was on the floor with my son,
08:00and she noticed his nipples.
08:02And she was like, oh, they're baby nipples.
08:04Like, they're tiny.
08:05No, you have big nipples.
08:07No, Mommy has big nipples.
08:10She's going to repeat everything in public.
08:12She's going to be saying that in public.
08:15You understand that, right?
08:16She's a sponge.
08:18The second you say anything once,
08:19she's going to say it forever.
08:21She's a little parrot,
08:22so I have to watch myself and be like,
08:24oh, no, like, if she repeats that,
08:26I'm in trouble.
08:28Lily, tell me something about Mommy.
08:30Matt?
08:31I will divorce you.
08:33You have big nipples?
08:36You have big nipples?
08:38My heart dropped.
08:40I was like, this is what I'm trying to avoid.
08:42You have big nipples?
08:44You have big nipples?
08:46No.
08:47No.
08:49Mommy, you have big nipples.
08:51In my head, I'm like,
08:52if I just look away and give, like, a short answer,
08:54that she'll just let it go.
08:56And that's not what happened.
08:58You have big nipples?
09:00No.
09:01No.
09:02You have baby nipples?
09:05You have baby nipples?
09:09Flash forward a few weeks later,
09:11and it's on social media.
09:14My sister ended up posting it.
09:19So we went to my work company outing,
09:23and one of my coworkers asked her,
09:25and she said it,
09:25and everyone started dying laughing.
09:28My face gets red,
09:30and I was like,
09:30let's change the subject.
09:31It took probably a month or so
09:35after all that went down
09:36for her to stop saying it in that household.
09:39But she was saying it a lot.
09:41You have big nipples?
09:47This backyard camera spots a man
09:49showing off his skills as a woodsman.
09:53Oh, yeah.
10:13This two-year-old thinks he sees something
10:15on his mother's face.
10:17You have a mustache?
10:19I don't have a mustache.
10:21You have a mustache.
10:23No, I don't.
10:24You have a mustache.
10:25No, Daddy has a mustache.
10:27I have a mustache.
10:29Stop it.
10:54We're going to take everybody home and then.
10:56Oh!
11:08A father mortifies his daughter
11:11in front of her first date.
11:13Hey, go take a picture of his license plate.
11:16What?
11:16All right?
11:16I talked a little, okay?
11:18Oh, my God.
11:19In my head, I said,
11:20it is showtime.
11:31You are currently being recorded.
11:35A man sets himself up for humiliation
11:38by approaching wild turkeys with his camera.
11:56Get back!
11:59Get back!
12:03Get back!
12:06Get back!
12:31Get back!
12:37In Massachusetts,
12:38a father is closely monitoring
12:40his doorbell camera.
12:42Grace is my daughter.
12:44That's my little girl.
12:45She says,
12:46I'm going on a date.
12:47This is actually her first date.
12:48I want to meet him.
12:49I want to see who he is.
12:51Who's taking out my little girl on a date?
12:53But then I remembered
12:54we have the ring cam.
12:55I just said,
12:57wait until this ring cam goes off.
12:59It's going to be showtime.
13:04Hello?
13:06Hi, how are you doing?
13:07I'm good.
13:07Who's this?
13:09I'm Jared.
13:10Hello, Jared.
13:11This is Pedro.
13:12This is Grace's dad.
13:14Oh, it's good to talk to you.
13:17Oh, sorry.
13:17I can't meet you in person
13:18because I'm at work.
13:19So, at least I'll get to see your face,
13:21but you don't get to see mine.
13:23All right.
13:25All of us have the notification on our phone.
13:28So, my guess is my daughter
13:30probably saw me talking to him.
13:33Hello?
13:34Hello, my young daughter.
13:35Just hold on one minute.
13:37Oh, my God.
13:38Where are you guys going?
13:40Uh, I think we're going to go to the roadhouse
13:42and then maybe a movie.
13:44Okay.
13:44Which movie are you guys going to go see?
13:46Uh, Toy Story.
13:48Toy Story?
13:49Yeah.
13:50Okay.
13:50He is lying to me.
13:51I was like, Toy Story.
13:52Tell that to somebody else.
13:54All right.
13:55So, just make sure you treat her directly
13:56because that's my first daughter.
13:59You don't have to worry, sir.
14:00All right.
14:02All right.
14:02I got a good picture of you.
14:08Nice to meet you.
14:09Nice to meet you.
14:11Hey, go take a picture of his license plate.
14:13Let's go.
14:14I talked a little.
14:15I was telling my son
14:16to take a picture of his license plate
14:17and I thought I had it freaking muted
14:21and she heard the whole thing.
14:23I'm like, oh.
14:24Okay, bye.
14:25All right.
14:26Bye-bye.
14:26Bye.
14:27Oh, my God.
14:27Bye.
14:28I was just being what I'm being.
14:30A dad.
14:31That's all.
14:32So, if people can say I'm overprotective,
14:34and crazy and this and that,
14:36it's okay.
14:37You better open the door.
14:39Good job on opening the door, her.
14:41She texted me right away.
14:42Why would you do that?
14:43I was mortified for my daughter.
14:45All I could do was say,
14:46Pedro Lugo,
14:47please tell me you did not do this.
14:49He was just looking at me.
14:51That's exactly the look he gave me.
14:52He's like, what?
14:54I didn't do anything wrong.
14:55When Grace got home,
14:56she was like, oh, my God.
14:57This is so embarrassing.
14:59But I still did not feel no empathy
15:00for Jared whatsoever.
15:02Not one ounce, one second.
15:03Nope.
15:04Jared and my daughter
15:06stayed for six months.
15:07Tragically, I didn't scare them that much.
15:09So, I think I have to work on that part
15:11just a little bit more
15:13for they could stick around less.
15:15Oh, my God.
15:31Oh, my God.
15:37This man is moving some things
15:39into his attic.
15:40into his attic.
16:03camera now recording.
16:09This salesman is waiting for a moment
16:11when he thinks no one is watching.
16:38And this home,
16:39a woman is in a big hurry.
16:41by the way.
16:58.
16:59Oh!
17:30Two friends arriving home both need the bathroom.
17:38Rachel! Rachel! Stop it! No, I'm not joking. I've got... Rachel, I've got a pee!
17:44Rachel! I'm gonna pee! I don't have any panties on! I don't have any panties on!
17:50Oh, holy... Oh, holy mackerel. Rachel! I'm gonna beat your ass! Rachel! I'm gonna...
17:58Rachel! Oh, my God! I'm gonna have to pee! I'm gonna pee on my porch! Rachel!
18:06Rachel! Rachel! Rachel! Oh, my God! Rachel!
18:12Oh, my God! Rachel! Oh, my God! Rachel! Open the door!
18:17Oh, my God! Rachel! I didn't have any panties on!
18:22You are crazy. Oh, my. Get out of that. You're stepping in.
18:26I'm gonna take these off. Go get me a towel. Oh, my God!
18:30That is so gross! You are such a bitch!
18:35Holy crap!
18:37Jesus!
18:37What?
19:44This accident-prone man has cut himself on a chainsaw.
19:48Hey, you got a band-aid?
20:01This woman has just stocked up on expensive wine.
20:05Oh, my God.
20:09Oh, my God.
20:11Oh, my God.
20:14Oh, my God.
20:17All right.
20:18All right.
20:19The world can't be careful.
20:21I'm always careful.
20:34I know.
20:35Still ready.
20:41What happened?
20:44What happened?
20:45What happened?
20:46What happened?
20:48Oh, shit.
20:52What the fuck?
20:53A woman arrives at a family Christmas party.
20:57Oh, my God.
21:01Oh, my God.
21:02Oh, my God.
21:06Oh, my God.
21:07This man has found the bug he plans to kill.
21:19Oh, my God.
21:22Oh, my God.
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