00:00:12¡Gracias!
00:00:50¡Gracias!
00:00:50¡Gracias!
00:00:51Conf�x-me, ¡Gracias!
00:00:53Old bankers
00:00:55I'm talking to a creed
00:00:56Nice to see you
00:00:58Uh, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to steal her away now.
00:01:00You look great.
00:01:01And good news, our table's ready now, so we can...
00:01:04What the hell do you think you're doing, bro?
00:01:06She's with me.
00:01:07Sir, I appreciate you keeping your company,
00:01:09but she's actually not with you.
00:01:10She's with me.
00:01:12Believe me, you don't want to make me cause to see you.
00:01:20You're going to cause to see you?
00:01:23I might summon one of the managers?
00:01:26Sure.
00:01:27No.
00:01:28I don't know what you've been smoking,
00:01:30but you better back off, my wife.
00:01:32I'm going to punch a hole in your face.
00:01:35You're...
00:01:35Timothy?
00:01:36Is that you?
00:01:38Uh-oh.
00:01:39My bad.
00:01:40I was at the other side of the bar.
00:01:42Oh, I'm actually his date.
00:01:45Melissa?
00:01:45Everybody calls me Missy.
00:01:47Sorry about the mix-up.
00:01:48Just a little blind date blunder.
00:01:50But what would you two know about making a mistake, right?
00:01:52Okay.
00:01:54Okay.
00:01:55I got you so good.
00:01:57Wait.
00:01:58Wait, you did that on purpose?
00:02:00Why?
00:02:00Best blind date icebreaker ever.
00:02:03Icebreaker?
00:02:03The guy almost broke every bone in my body.
00:02:05Yeah, it worked, didn't it?
00:02:06We're loose.
00:02:07We're laughing.
00:02:08We're having fun.
00:02:09Oh, my God.
00:02:10That was so funny.
00:02:11You know what the best part is?
00:02:12You pass the test.
00:02:14What test?
00:02:15A testicle test.
00:02:17You showed some real nuts back there.
00:02:19I'm impressed, babe.
00:02:20It's cute.
00:02:21Real good.
00:02:22By the way, the age thing doesn't concern me.
00:02:24What are you, 65?
00:02:25What the fuck?
00:02:26I know that's a blonde wig, and I don't care.
00:02:28Timothy, I would like to present you with the first impression rule.
00:02:34You've earned it.
00:02:35Boop.
00:02:36You know, from The Bachelor.
00:02:37You know.
00:02:38Hi.
00:02:38Hi.
00:02:39Can I start you two with anything?
00:02:40Oh, yeah.
00:02:41Let's have two tequilas, please, senorita.
00:02:45Actually, I don't drink, so I'm going to probably just go with the soda water.
00:02:48Whatever you guys have is fine.
00:02:49Oh, what?
00:02:51Okay.
00:02:52First chink in the armor, Mr. Perfect.
00:02:54That's a perfect one.
00:02:55We'll fix him.
00:02:58I'm just kidding.
00:02:58Don't worry.
00:02:59I'm a certified substance abuse counselor, so I know how to handle an alcoholic.
00:03:03I'm not an alcoholic.
00:03:05Just a couple DUIs.
00:03:06I'm not an alcoholic, sir.
00:03:07I swear.
00:03:08Never.
00:03:09You lightweight.
00:03:10No.
00:03:10Did you piss on your friend's couch?
00:03:12No.
00:03:12Make out a truck stops.
00:03:14No.
00:03:15I just don't drink.
00:03:16It's not that weird.
00:03:17Here's the thing.
00:03:17People who don't drink, they always have a story.
00:03:20I don't have a story.
00:03:21Sorry to disappoint you.
00:03:21It's okay.
00:03:22You don't disappoint me ever.
00:03:23Nothing you could ever do would disappoint me.
00:03:24I love you.
00:03:27Wow.
00:03:28This.
00:03:29Us.
00:03:29It feels like fate.
00:03:30Doesn't it?
00:03:32Well, how did you meet my grandmother again?
00:03:33Jiffy Lube.
00:03:35Yeah.
00:03:35She's like, my grandson will be so perfect for you.
00:03:37I'm like, sign me up.
00:03:39So, yeah.
00:03:39I have to visit her more often and possibly smother her.
00:03:42You're getting, your hair is getting in.
00:03:43Oh, am I?
00:03:43Oh, am I?
00:03:44Oh, am I?
00:03:45Do you want to get an app?
00:03:48I don't think that's Santa's.
00:03:53I hope I'm not freaking you out on our first date.
00:03:55I, I, I, well, I have to tell you, I probably have never been.
00:03:57Stop a-fucking me.
00:03:59I'm not.
00:03:59I'm just talking to you.
00:04:00I'm with someone.
00:04:02We're trying to have a romantic dinner date here.
00:04:05What do you think we're trying to have, all right?
00:04:06So, you assholes interrupted us.
00:04:08Hey, my boyfriend's going to kick your fucking ass.
00:04:10No, he's not.
00:04:11No, he's not.
00:04:11I'm going to the restroom real quick.
00:04:13Okay.
00:04:13I'll be back.
00:04:14Right after he gets back, he's kicking your ass.
00:04:21Oh, shit.
00:04:27Tim?
00:04:30Oh, shit.
00:04:31What you doing?
00:04:32Hey, you.
00:04:34Um, good.
00:04:36I'm, you got me.
00:04:38I was climbing out the window and running around.
00:04:40I was going to come back in and sneak up on you.
00:04:48God, we are funny together.
00:04:50Are we?
00:04:52That said, we have to leave the restaurant right now.
00:04:56Why?
00:04:57What happened?
00:04:58When you went to the bathroom, Aquaman started mouthing off again, so I, I sort of flashed
00:05:03him.
00:05:04You flashed him?
00:05:05Your breasts?
00:05:06No, I didn't flash him my breasts.
00:05:08I showed him Sheila.
00:05:10Like, you're Sheila?
00:05:11No.
00:05:12My friend, my protector, Sheila.
00:05:15Gah, what are you, Crocodile Dundee?
00:05:18What, it's a blind date.
00:05:19What if you were some psycho?
00:05:20Then I could behead you.
00:05:23Any way you could give me a couple minutes in here?
00:05:25Oh, you do have to go to the bathroom now.
00:05:27Yeah, I get it.
00:05:28When I'm dropping a deuce, I don't want anyone talking to me, so have a good shit, my man.
00:05:32Thank you.
00:05:34Maybe I'll take a shit, too.
00:05:36Mm, don't have to.
00:05:37Nah, you never know.
00:05:38I'll push.
00:05:39See you in a bit.
00:05:43Gah!
00:05:55I'm coming, Tim!
00:05:56I'm coming!
00:05:58I bet you wish you had that tequila now, huh, Tim?
00:06:01All right, we're gonna pop this puppy back into place ASAP.
00:06:04No!
00:06:04Don't worry.
00:06:05I'm a certified EMT.
00:06:06No, no, no, no!
00:06:07One, two, three!
00:06:14I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground.
00:06:18I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground.
00:06:23I've got no roots.
00:06:49Oh, fuck. Where did you hear that?
00:06:51I'm the head of HR. I have access. I'm like, what?
00:06:55And I'm glad you're seeing a shrink. That's great.
00:06:57Hey, you don't want people to see your stuff. Use your personal email.
00:07:01Ah, fuck.
00:07:02So it's good news, bad news, more bad news.
00:07:04Your ex-fiance is going to be at the retreat.
00:07:06My office books to travel, so Julia's going to be with Rich.
00:07:10Well, from what I saw, spouses and significant others are welcome, so...
00:07:15Doesn't surprise me.
00:07:16Tim, I'm just concerned.
00:07:19You're concerned about what? I gotta go.
00:07:23That's your ex-fiance. That's insane, Tim.
00:07:26Don't.
00:07:29I really watched seven episodes of The Affair last night.
00:07:33That was my personal computer. What the fuck? You're on...
00:07:38...account to your personal account.
00:07:41That's on...
00:07:44...with that crazy fuck.
00:07:46It was one date.
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