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Love Story - Season 1 - Episode 09: Search and Recovery
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00:10And this is a recurring dream that you're having?
00:16Yes.
00:17And in it, the two of you are riding in that convertible
00:21in the motorcade in Dallas.
00:24Only you're the one that's injured.
00:27And what are you wearing?
00:28I'm wearing the same thing as Mother wore,
00:30the pink tweed suit and the pillbox hat.
00:34She hates wearing hats.
00:36I do.
00:37Okay, well, obviously, that's what tracks
00:39with what we're talking about in our sessions,
00:42the idea that you are paying the price
00:45for John's fame, for John's ambitions.
00:48It also speaks to an outsized fear of exposure
00:52of the real world.
00:54Let's just try not to editorialize, okay?
00:56Well, maybe if I was at home sleeping with her in our bed,
00:59she wouldn't be having these nightmares.
01:00You were the one who decided to leave,
01:02and now you're saying your absence is the problem.
01:04Yeah, so we wouldn't say anything we could never take back.
01:07Yeah, so you go on a walk, John.
01:08You don't move out.
01:09I didn't move out.
01:10You left, and then you, you, yeah, you didn't come back.
01:13So how would you characterize that?
01:14Oh, my God.
01:15And if that is your instinct to bolt when things get hard,
01:17how can I trust you just won't keep doing it?
01:19I was the one that made it very clear that divorce was off the table.
01:22So I should just feel comforted that you have unilaterally issued that decree?
01:26It means that the only option in my mind is to make this marriage work.
01:30John, there is a difference between not wanting us to fail
01:32and wanting us to succeed.
01:35John views our marriage through the lens of the media.
01:37He's more concerned with the optics of our issues than our actual issues.
01:41We cannot just ignore the fact that we live under a microscope because it's inconvenient.
01:46I cannot be the third person in my marriage,
01:49spending the rest of my life competing with everyone else in the world
01:52or his family's legacy or his magazine.
01:58I know that this is going to sound counterintuitive,
02:01but just based on everything that I'm hearing,
02:06I would advise a trial separation.
02:12I'm sorry, what?
02:13Your advice for our marriage is divorce?
02:17No.
02:18But I think part of the reason that you two aren't finding any clarity
02:23is that you're stuck in this sort of liminal space.
02:30Maybe if you severed contact for a little while,
02:35you would gain a clearer idea of what you're missing
02:39or what your life would actually look like without the other.
02:44Mm-hmm.
02:45Like, for how long?
02:47Yeah, like one, two weeks?
02:49A month, maybe two.
02:53Um, do you have, like, too many clients or...?
02:56No, no. I mean, you obviously would see me,
02:59you just wouldn't see each other.
03:01I can't not talk to my wife for a month.
03:04Yeah, I don't want to do that either.
03:06I mean, I don't think I could, even if you asked me to.
03:10Well, I mean, you won't come together, you won't let go,
03:15and instead you are just white-knuckling this marriage
03:18into a downward spiral.
03:47What happened to one cigarette a day?
03:49We're drinking in a dive bar in the middle of a work day
03:52after marriage counseling.
03:54I'd say my discipline is shot for the day.
04:12You know something funny?
04:14When I'm at the Stanhope, reminiscing about our life together,
04:18I never replay the bad moments in my head.
04:21All I think about is us at our best.
04:25Laughing, always reaching out for each other.
04:29Never enough for us to just be in the same room.
04:31We always have to feel each other,
04:33to know that we're really there.
04:35And then when we get together, it's all we can do
04:37not to rehash every fight we've ever had.
04:39I don't think we're totally to blame.
04:43Our marriage counselor hates us.
04:49I think she's going to become a divorce mediator because of us.
04:54You know what I was thinking about the other day?
04:56Hmm?
04:57That trip we took to Honduras?
05:00When you got poison ivy everywhere
05:02and I had to wrap your hands in socks
05:04to keep you from itching?
05:06There was calamine lotion everywhere.
05:07Yeah, one big pink man.
05:11Very messy.
05:12What about that time we had sex on the rooftop in Paris
05:15and you almost got a lot to get in?
05:17Worth it.
05:27If only we knew then.
05:29Why?
05:33How could we add it?
05:46We should get going.
05:47One more drink in this place
05:48and we really will be a sob story.
05:53Hey.
05:54Sorry.
05:56It's okay.
05:59Do you mind if I drop by and, um,
06:01get that linen blazer?
06:05ROBERT
06:06ALL IN OUR
06:07LISTENING TO GIVE
06:10ALL IN OUR
06:12LISTENING TO GIVE
06:14WITH YOU
06:19WITH YOU
06:25AWAY
06:29AWAY
06:54Best kiss we've ever had.
06:57It has to be our first.
06:58Outside your apartment.
06:59No, no, that doesn't count.
07:03I mean, it's a couple.
07:05There have been lots?
07:06Yeah.
07:09Jones Beach?
07:10Which time?
07:13What about by that fire in that lodge in Montana?
07:20No, I remember when it was.
07:22Fuck.
07:23I'm so late.
07:28Hey, wait.
07:29Give me a kiss.
07:34Bye.
07:35I'll see you later, yeah?
07:37Okay.
07:39Love you.
07:39Love you.
07:40Bye.
07:41Bye.
07:47That's not what I had in mind.
07:48I'm away
07:53I'm away
07:56I'm away
07:58I'm away
08:15I'm away
08:53Here you go, buddy.
09:14Morning.
09:16Hi.
09:17Hi.
09:21Sorry, I didn't want to wake you.
09:23No, it's fine.
09:24I know you haven't been sleeping well.
09:25It's okay.
09:28I have a 9 a.m. breakfast.
09:32Gotcha.
09:36I can cancel it.
09:38No, no, it's fine.
09:39I just, um, I thought maybe we might want to talk about last night.
09:44Yeah?
09:44Yeah.
09:49I mean, do you feel bad?
09:53Uh, no.
09:56I, I don't know.
09:57Do you feel good about what's happening right now?
10:03Why don't we meet for lunch?
10:06You know what?
10:07It's probably best we just talk about it at counseling anyway.
10:12Do you think we'd tell Colleen?
10:13I mean, we kind of did exactly the opposite of what she asked us to.
10:21John, I'm confused.
10:23John, I'm confused.
10:23Are we angling for a gold star here or trying to save our marriage?
10:27I mean, I just don't want her to think that we're any more self-destructive than she already
10:30does.
10:35Am I seeing you at the George Gala?
10:37No, John, I, I, I just can't right now.
10:42So then I assume Rory's wedding is off the table?
10:48I love you, but you still don't get it.
10:52It's not as easy for me as it is for you.
10:55What is it?
10:57Pretending like everything's okay.
11:00I can assure you that this is anything but easy for me.
11:04I'll talk to you later.
11:07Yeah.
11:23I don't think I've been back here since she died.
11:27You look terrible.
11:29Wow.
11:30Mom really is here with us.
11:31You're graying.
11:32Yeah, well, stress will do that to you.
11:42Sit down.
11:46It's a lot.
11:51But you have to ask yourself what's actually within your control.
11:55And what can you save?
11:58She won't forgive me.
11:59For what?
12:00Ruining her life?
12:02Destroying her anonymity?
12:04Failing to protect her?
12:06I mean, I remember sitting here with mom and her telling me that any woman I ended up with would
12:11be under the illusion that we were entering a partnership.
12:13When in reality, I just have to orbit me like everybody else.
12:20She was married to the president of the United States.
12:23All she knew was how to orbit a great man.
12:27But you aren't dad and Carolyn isn't the first lady.
12:32John, you dated countless women who were more than willing to let you be the center of the universe and
12:38none of them stuck.
12:39And then you met someone who wasn't willing to contort themselves into whatever they thought you needed.
12:44And you fell in love.
12:47And now those qualities, that fire, that self-possession, aren't serving you anymore and you're crying foul?
12:53I have tried everything in my power to make her happy.
12:58What she's asking of you feels unreasonable because no one has ever asked it of you before.
13:03Your whole life, people have been willing to take whatever pieces of yourself you're willing to give them, but she
13:08isn't.
13:11And she was never going to be someone who would be.
13:19I know you've been made to feel like your life is predestined, but that doesn't mean you are powerless to
13:24change it.
13:28The question is, do you love her enough to do that?
14:00I spoke to John earlier.
14:04He called to ask how you were doing.
14:08Well, what'd you tell him?
14:09I said, pick up the phone and call her yourself.
14:16He did offer to drop me off in the vineyard on his way to Rory's wedding.
14:19Mmm.
14:20That'll butter you up.
14:23Did you say yes?
14:24Well, I'm not going to turn down a ride on a summer Friday.
14:31You should have seen him when I came downstairs this morning.
14:34I was heading off to work like it was any normal day.
14:37Well, did you say, hey, can you cancel your meeting?
14:39We really have to talk.
14:41I shouldn't have to.
14:42It's not my job to edify him.
14:44Well, then you clearly weren't that desperate to communicate either.
14:48No.
14:50You think because of our shit with dad that him moving is the ultimate betrayal?
14:55But this is also you projecting shit onto John that has nothing to do with him.
15:01If you really wanted to work on this relationship, you would swallow your pride,
15:06jettison this compulsion to be right, and do what's in the best interest of your relationship.
15:13All I've done is compromise for him, Lauren.
15:16It's only compromise if it's by your own volition.
15:19But you can't cling to the past and work towards a future at the same time.
15:31Thank you all for being here.
15:39Well, Carolyn and I could renew our vows in Times Square,
15:42and the press would grant it a charged altercation.
15:44I don't want to know anything, it might change my memory.
15:55Oh, I am one of my enemies, I'll do what I want,
16:02but I can't hide.
16:06And I won't go, I won't sleep.
16:11Oh, I can't breathe.
16:16But until you're last in here with me,
16:19now hold it.
16:21Now I can't hide.
16:23Excuse me.
16:24Hey, you look beautiful.
16:27What made you change your mind?
16:29I know how important it is to you.
16:31I know how important it is to you.
16:35And I know I want to try.
16:41And they might break me from this dream.
16:47Oh, I am one of my enemies,
16:51I'll do what I want,
16:54but I can't hide.
16:59And I won't go,
17:01I won't sleep.
17:05And I can't breathe
17:07until you're resting here.
17:11I don't know.
17:47You're early.
17:48Well, I knew if I was late and you stormed out, I wouldn't be able to catch you.
18:04It's your go-to date spot.
18:06What can I say?
18:07I'm a sucker for a laminated menu.
18:14Do you know what I remember about that first date?
18:18That my bike got stolen?
18:21That.
18:23And.
18:28You said you felt like you had a sign over your head that read the hunk of hunks and that
18:32that was all people saw when they looked at you.
18:35And I remember asking you what your sign read and you wouldn't tell me.
18:39And you still haven't told me.
18:41I don't think I've told anyone.
18:48Because if you knew what my sign said, please handle with care, not as tough as she looks, then Jig
18:56would have been up.
18:58There'd be no mystery for you to solve, no defense system to disarm.
19:04And therefore no reason to stay.
19:08But then I met you.
19:11And I fell in love with you and I didn't want to do that anymore.
19:16I wanted to let you in.
19:23You made me realize that I'm someone who, who wants to be loved and nurtured and taken care of.
19:44How do we know we won't hurt each other?
19:47We don't.
19:49We just know that we want to try.
19:52And build a life for ourselves.
19:55As partners.
19:56And what does that look like though, John?
19:58Because I don't think our marriage can withstand any more scrutiny.
20:02I know.
20:05And part of that means I have to re-examine my relationship with everyone and everything that isn't you.
20:11Because you come first.
20:13But I don't want you to feel you have to choose.
20:16I know you've been burdened with unfathomable expectations and I would never fault you for trying to meet them.
20:22Carolyn.
20:23You're the one thing in my life that I know that I'm destined for.
20:29I love you.
20:34I love you too.
20:43You know, I was thinking, if you're up for it, you and I could go on a trip.
20:49Where?
20:51Anywhere you want.
20:52Paris.
20:54Belize.
20:55Tahiti.
20:58For how long?
21:00Until we decide to come home.
21:02Wherever that might be for us.
21:05I'll be back on Sunday from Rory's wedding.
21:08Why don't we pull out a world map and find the most remote island no one's ever heard of.
21:13I forgot about that, um, Rory's, Rory's wedding.
21:17Don't even worry about it.
21:19Caroline's not even going.
21:20No, I want to go.
21:22You do?
21:27Yeah.
21:27Yeah.
21:31I miss dancing with you.
21:35I miss dancing with you.
22:04I miss dancing with you.
22:09That might have been even better than the first time.
22:17I should go.
22:21Gotta find a dress.
22:29What if we're jumping the gun?
22:30What do you mean?
22:32It's just we're finally getting to a good place, and I don't know if subjecting ourselves
22:36to the prying eyes of a massive Kennedy wedding is the move for us right now.
22:41It's normal to feel anxious and apprehensive, but you two are going into this weekend with
22:44a completely different mindset than in the past.
22:48Go get your nails done.
22:49Go from there.
22:51Okay, okay.
22:52One step at a time.
22:53Love you.
22:54Thanks, Laura.
22:55See you soon.
23:03Hey, this is John Kennedy, requesting a standard weather briefing for a VFR flight from Essex
23:08County to Martha's Vineyard departing around 6 p.m.
23:35What did she say exactly?
23:37She was nervous.
23:40I thought we moved past this.
23:43Neither of you are going to change overnight.
23:44I thought we were going to change overnight.
24:15I thought we were going to change overnight.
24:30No one is excellent.
24:30So why are you deciding to change overnight?
24:32Don't get a big lap?
24:34Don't get a big lap?
24:57I'm going to go sit with him for a bit.
24:59Okay.
25:05Permission to enter the cockpit?
25:15Excuse me?
25:18Oh, fuck.
25:38I missed you.
25:42I had a feeling.
25:44I had a feeling.
26:11I had a feeling.
26:24I had a feeling.
26:43I had a feeling.
26:58I had a feeling.
27:09I had a feeling.
27:10I had a feeling.
27:42I had a feeling.
27:42I had a feeling.
27:42I had a feeling.
27:48I had a feeling.
27:49I had a feeling.
27:50I had a feeling.
28:06I had a feeling.
28:21I had a feeling.
28:37I had a feeling.
28:49I had a feeling.
28:50I had a feeling.
28:55I had a feeling.
28:59Can I help you?
29:00We're sorry to disturb you.
29:01We're from the Custer County Sheriff's Office.
29:04Your family's been trying to reach you on your cell,
29:06but we know there's no service out here.
29:08What is it? What's wrong?
29:09It's your brother, ma'am.
29:10His plane has been reported missing.
29:24Hello?
29:33I'm sorry. Can you say that again?
29:38No, that's correct. That was my understanding.
29:41Well, I can wait if you want to check.
29:43I don't think the answer's going to change.
29:45They say they can have a plane ready for us within an hour.
29:47Okay.
29:48What do you want to tell the kids?
29:49I don't know. We have to get home.
29:51Have you talked to the High Annus Airport?
29:52No, I wasn't able to get through them.
29:54Oh, but Teddy said they didn't land there either.
29:56But we know they took off, right?
29:57Yes, we got confirmation from Essex County Airport.
30:02I'm sure there's an explanation.
30:03We begin tonight with breaking news.
30:06John F. Kennedy Jr.'s plane has been reported missing off the coast of Massachusetts.
30:11The Piper Saratoga allegedly disappeared from radar as it was en route from New Jersey to Martha's Vineyard.
30:18At this hour, the Coast Guard is stressing that this remains a search and rescue mission.
30:25Officials are urging anyone with information to come forward.
30:30What has happened to John F. Kennedy Jr. and his missing single-engine aircraft?
30:36The plane is believed to have carried not only John F. Kennedy Jr., but his wife, Carolyn Bissette, Kennedy, and
30:42her sister, Lauren.
30:44They've taken off from New Jersey, heading to Martha's Vineyard in Massachusetts for a Kennedy family wedding.
30:49The plane never arrived.
30:57Senator Kennedy, I have the president on the line.
31:07Mr. President.
31:18I understand.
31:21We, uh, we, uh, appreciate your efforts, sir.
31:28Thank you for calling.
31:44Please don't say another word.
31:47I beg of you, please.
31:51Don't say anything.
31:57They're reporting.
31:58I don't care what they're reporting, Ed.
32:00I'm not doing this again.
32:01Okay?
32:03I will not.
32:13Why don't you come sit down?
32:14I'm not leaving, Ed.
32:16I'm staying right here, okay?
32:17As soon as I go out there.
32:22He was just here.
32:29He cannot be gone, Ed.
32:34He cannot be gone.
32:38That doesn't make any fucking sense.
32:40Do you understand me?
32:41That doesn't make any fucking sense.
32:43It doesn't make any fucking sense.
32:44He's not gone.
32:46He's not. He's not.
32:52Sweetheart.
32:55It isn't you.
32:57Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
33:02Please don't do this to me.
33:04I can't do it again.
33:08I can't do it again.
33:11Oh!
33:17Oh!
33:18Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
33:45Teddy called again.
33:46Uh, we have to discuss the funeral arrangements.
33:50Where would he like to have at St. Peter's Basilica?
33:53Yeah.
33:54Well, what do you want me to tell him?
34:00Then I'll let him know as soon as I make my decision.
34:05Uh, uh, the New York Times called as well.
34:13He spent his whole life bound to that little boy.
34:21Desperate to free himself from a tragedy he couldn't even remember.
34:30All he wanted was to simply be.
34:38All he'll be remembered for is what he could have become.
34:54If you're flying using visual navigation alone,
34:56relying on the lights of the coast, the horizon,
34:59instead of your flight instruments,
35:01and you're suddenly flying in the pitch black with haze everywhere,
35:05the ocean and sky essentially blend into this black hole
35:07and you can experience what's called spatial disorientation
35:10where you basically don't know which way is up.
35:12So you start course correcting the plane
35:14based on what your impaired brain is telling you instead of reality.
35:18Would they have known they were going down?
35:21They would have known something was wrong, obviously,
35:24but no, not necessarily.
35:26I spoke to someone over at NTSB
35:28and he explained it's like being taken under by a wave.
35:32The water is...
35:43Let me start by offering my deepest condolences.
35:46Where is she?
35:48Sorry?
35:49Your wife.
35:50She was supposed to be here.
35:52Where is she?
35:53I think she just felt in light of the circumstances
35:55it would be better if I helped broker the arrangements
35:59for the roommates.
36:01Is that right?
36:07I assure you she was just trying to be mindful of your feelings.
36:11Oh, is that the pretext that her legal team concocted?
36:16My feelings?
36:17Because if it is, she should fire them.
36:20Why don't we, uh...
36:25President Clinton has offered
36:28that John be buried in Arlington National Cemetery
36:32alongside President Kennedy and Jackie
36:35next to the Eternal Flame.
36:36And, however, if we wanted to keep John and Carolyn together,
36:40we would propose, uh, Holy Hood,
36:43the Kennedy family burial plot in Brookline, Massachusetts.
36:47Why would my daughter be buried in a state she has no ties to?
36:51Are you suggesting those are my two choices
36:55which you so kindly laid out for me?
36:58No, no.
36:59Of course not.
37:01But if you preferred that Carolyn be buried with John,
37:05the family would insist that it be alongside
37:08the rest of the deceased Kennedy relatives.
37:10The family would insist.
37:13The gall of you to sit there and try and dictate terms.
37:17I'm simply relaying the wishes of the Kennedy family.
37:21If the Kennedy family feels so strongly about this,
37:24why did they send you?
37:31Whatever you decide to do with Carolyn's remains...
37:34You keep saying her name.
37:36You keep saying Carolyn.
37:39May I remind you that I had not one,
37:42but two daughters on board that plane that he crashed.
37:45What is diamonds for hel finished?
37:55Next...
37:56OMG
38:05.
38:07.
38:14hal
38:30Oh, my God.
39:00Oh, my God.
39:17Maybe it's the best I call.
39:19I'm not finished, and I will not be dismissed a second time.
39:29Some of the media are saying they crashed because Carolyn was getting her nails done,
39:35delayed their takeoff.
39:39Not that your brother wasn't equipped to fly at night and took off anyway, but that she held them back.
39:45Her vanity.
39:48Are you aware of that?
39:53I stopped reading the news.
39:55Well, I have nothing left to protect but their legacies.
40:00There are images of your brother beaming around the world on the cover of every newspaper and magazine.
40:08Carolyn's photo is usually on the inside, and Lauren is practically a footnote, but she wasn't famous, so I guess
40:16her face doesn't sell papers.
40:21My faith has allowed me to make sense of the world, helping me understand the big existential questions.
40:32But now, there's just a deafening silence.
40:47I mean, how do you live in a world that doesn't make any sense?
40:53How do you even get out of bed?
41:00As soon as you open your eyes, one second longer, and you realize the world you're waking up to is
41:08painfully incomplete.
41:23When I was 18, I was living in London, staying with a family friend who was a member of parliament.
41:32One night, we left his house and a bomb went off.
41:35The IRA had planted one under the front right tire of his car, and the only reason we weren't in
41:40it was because we were running late.
41:46I agonized over that for so many years.
41:52I couldn't understand why so many bad things had happened to people in my family.
41:57But for whatever reason, I was spared that day a bomb went off.
42:02The only thing I really gleaned from that experience was that there is no rhyme or reason as to why
42:09some of us get to stay here a little longer.
42:17All we know is that time doesn't belong to us.
42:23Nothing is promised.
42:32I'm sure you already know this about me by now, but I'm not someone who lets people in very easily.
42:39I don't know if it's because I question their motives, or maybe it's because I have this feeling that the
42:45less people I know,
42:49the less people I'll inevitably have to grieve.
42:58I didn't know Lauren very well, unfortunately.
43:03But I knew she was incredibly smart, funny, beautiful, dynamic.
43:14But I did know Carolyn, and I knew she was struggling, and instead of reaching out to her,
43:29I will regret what I didn't do and what I could have done for the rest of my life.
43:41She said she didn't recognize who she had become.
43:50And now that person will be immortalized forever.
43:59I only wish she had lived long enough to be remembered for something else.
44:18I've heard people say sorry for your loss.
44:23So many times over the course of my life, it just starts to sound like white noise.
44:29Like when people say, God bless you.
44:33But now I'm sitting here across from you.
44:40And all I want to say is how sorry I am.
44:46But I also know that it's not enough.
44:49Oh.
44:51And it will never be enough.
45:16I'm remembering a conversation I had with John a while back where he said he wanted to be cremated
45:23with his ashes spread across the sea.
45:27I was wondering if maybe we could spread John, Carolyn, and Lauren's ashes together as one.
46:08I was like, all the
46:23Let's go.
46:58Let's go.
47:01Let's go.
47:02Let's go.
47:03Let's go.
47:05Let's go.
47:27Let's go.
47:42Let's go.
47:44Let's go.
47:59Let's go.
48:00Let's go.
48:01Let's go.
48:01Let's go.
48:17Let's go.
48:17Let's go.
48:17Let's go.
48:29Let's go.
48:41Let's go.
48:47Let's go.
48:52Let's go.
49:10Let's go.
49:26Let's go.
49:29Let's go.
49:37Let's go.
49:45Let's go.
49:50Let's go.
49:55Let's go.
49:57Let's go.
49:58Let's go.
50:01Let's go.
50:02Let's go.
50:07Let's go.
50:08Let's go.
50:10Let's go.
50:19Let's go.
50:34Let's go.
50:36Let's go.
50:38Let's go.
51:01Let's go.
51:07Let's go.
51:16Let's go.
51:17Let's go.
51:20Let's go.
51:21Let's go.
51:23Let's go.
51:26Let's go.
51:28Let's go.
51:29Let's go.
51:30Let's go.
51:31Let's go.
51:33Let's go.
51:35Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
51:42Life means all that it ever meant
51:48It is the same as it ever was
51:56Do not stand by my grave and weep
52:02I am not there
52:04I do not sleep
52:15I am the thousand winds that blow
52:20I am the diamond glints in snow
52:48I am the sunlight of ripe and green
52:53I am the gentle autumn rain
52:59As you awake with morning's hush
53:04I am the swift upflinging rush
53:12Of quiet birds encircling flight
53:17I am the day transcending night
53:40Do not stand by my grave and cry
53:47I am not there
53:48I did not die
53:50I am the
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