- 4 hours ago
Lucifer's Bride
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Healer goddess, hear my plea.
00:00:03Please save my child.
00:00:21Rod of a sepulis.
00:00:41Rejuvening.
00:00:50Graze, she is the healer goddess.
00:00:53No, please. Don't call me that.
00:00:57I'm just glad I could help.
00:01:03Here you go, miss.
00:01:07Why do you weigh down by a throne when I can live amongst the common people and help those the
00:01:11most in need?
00:01:24You must be rushing off to go find your jewels, because only a sackless coward would hit a puppy and
00:01:30run!
00:01:33Aw, it's okay, little guy. I'll fix you right up.
00:01:42Right rewrites the wrong.
00:01:47Rejuvenate me.
00:01:52See? Good as the day you can kicking out of your mother's womb.
00:01:58Come on, Cleo. Let's go!
00:02:09Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
00:02:15Please. My brother's been in a coma the last two years.
00:02:19We have no idea what the illness is. If anyone can help cure him, we will pay you handsomely.
00:02:24Be Lysander Armstrong! His military family basically owns the entire global stock market!
00:02:30He's so hot!
00:02:32Does he come with the money?
00:02:33Yes. He'll even marry you if you can cure him. Money. Fame. Power. It's all yours.
00:02:44Are we still moving forward, Miss Trixie?
00:02:46Yes. Give the presidential contract to Marissa.
00:02:50Oh, I have another call coming in.
00:02:54Grandma!
00:02:54I'm dying! Save me, Trixie!
00:02:58Grandma?
00:03:00Grandma.
00:03:01When are you getting married? I'm already a hundred years old.
00:03:05I'm gonna keep you healthy forever, Grandma.
00:03:07And Butch is still on deployment, so that's why I haven't been married yet.
00:03:14Oh, but why marry a vegetable when I can bang a younger stud like you?
00:03:20We're talking about my brother's life. I don't have time for jokes.
00:03:25No!
00:03:34Please go feed your dog, Miss. Don't let it starve like you.
00:03:37Oh, kind stranger. Let me repay you by granting you a wish.
00:03:42Grant me a wish? That you can barely feed yourself.
00:03:44The downfall of humanity. It all starts with the loss of faith.
00:03:49What the? Oh, geez, this has given me a migraine.
00:03:53Are you telling me to pray to God because we've been doing that?
00:03:56I'm telling you to have some faith in me.
00:03:59Okay, uh, I wish for you to cure my brother's illness. Can you do that?
00:04:05I can topple mountains and make a king out of a frog if I wanted to.
00:04:09Cleo, stay right here for a second.
00:04:12Don't go too far, Cleo.
00:04:16Hold still.
00:04:24My migraine's gone. Okay, then let's go. If you can cure my brother, he'll even marry you. Come on. Come
00:04:31on.
00:04:31Oh!
00:04:45How is he? What is the diagnosis?
00:04:48Remember, you will not marry him unless you cure him.
00:04:51I'm sorry. I don't know what this is.
00:04:53Aren't you the queen of medicine? You're supposed to be one of the best.
00:04:56Don't worry, General. I'm the angel herbalist and I have mastered all healing methods of the East.
00:05:03I can detect what condition your son has with just one needle.
00:05:23I have no clue what this is.
00:05:27Oh, it looks like the angel herbalist doesn't live up to her name after all.
00:05:33That's why we saved the best for last.
00:05:35Me, the witch doctor.
00:05:37I'll save your son, Lysander.
00:05:49He's not budging. There's no movement.
00:05:51Truly, I have saved thousands of patients all over the world, but I don't know what this is.
00:05:59Lord, I've scoured the earth for the best doctors. They've tried all these methods and they've all failed.
00:06:05If we can't save him, there's only one person who can.
00:06:09Who?
00:06:13The goddess of healing.
00:06:17Wait a second. You're not talking about the legendary goddess you.
00:06:21That's correct. Her right rewrites the rond and her left leaves the bereft.
00:06:28That's her motto.
00:06:29It's what makes her a sage amongst mortals. We are nothing compared to her.
00:06:34She is eccentric and elusive. No one has ever seen her before.
00:06:39If this legendary healer is the only one that can truly save my son, I don't care if I go
00:06:45bankrupt.
00:06:46I will find her. James, come put out a voucher to the entire world.
00:06:52Whoever finds the goddess healer will get the five million dollars.
00:06:56There's no need.
00:07:11I'll save your son.
00:07:14Who the hell is she?
00:07:15Dad, she says she can cure Lysander.
00:07:18She's gonna save your brother?
00:07:19Don't be ridiculous. How can this shit-stained hobo cure your brother?
00:07:25Exactly.
00:07:26God, the unemployed are getting crazier and crazier.
00:07:29She's trying to scam her way into marrying the rich.
00:07:32Ew! She even brought a filthy dog with her.
00:07:35I bet it has fleas.
00:07:37That flea-infested, dirty thing is your companion.
00:07:41Don't try to steal Lysander Armstrong from us.
00:07:48Don't touch him.
00:07:51They say don't judge a book by its cover.
00:07:53But I can see from all your faces that you've failed.
00:07:57So step aside.
00:07:59I'll take it from here.
00:08:00Could you hold this?
00:08:02Ho, ho, ho, ho.
00:08:03You're not gonna touch my son.
00:08:05I'm the richest tycoon in this country and a former general.
00:08:09I know a gold-digging whore when I see one.
00:08:12I bet she's only here because giving blowjobs on the street corners wasn't paying enough cash.
00:08:17Who knows what an unskilled, poor girl like her would do for some.
00:08:22A skinny-ass beggar trying to take advantage of Lysander Armstrong when he's unconscious?
00:08:28Ew!
00:08:29Disgusting.
00:08:30Go back to being a prostitute.
00:08:32Security!
00:08:33Get this STD-infested peasant out of here now.
00:08:37Let's go.
00:08:37If you throw me out, you're tossing away your son's last chance at life.
00:08:44Sir, we are at our wit's end trying to find a cure for Master Lysander and to no avail.
00:08:50Maybe we should give her a try?
00:08:52You can always deal with her later if she turns out to be a fraud.
00:08:55All right, I'll give you a shot.
00:08:58But I warn you, if you fail, I'll have your and your dog's head mounted on my wall.
00:09:04Is that any way to ask for help?
00:09:07You'd be blessed to have me.
00:09:09And I'm only here to repay your younger son's kindness.
00:09:12But since I'm not welcome here, I'll leave.
00:09:17Devon, come find me when you have a different wish.
00:09:19No, Miss Trixie. My brother is a hero to me. I can't lose him.
00:09:26Well, if he's a hero to you, then that means he must be a good person.
00:09:32My brother is a war hero who single-handedly saved this country from a terrorist attack.
00:09:36Also, he's great with puppies. He'd make a great husband.
00:09:41Who says I want to marry him?
00:09:43As if the number one hottest 30 under 30 would even dream of marrying a penniless bum like you.
00:09:50Only a lunatic would be crazy enough to marry her.
00:09:52I mean, look at her.
00:09:54Even if she cleaned herself up, you couldn't find an ounce of femininity on her.
00:09:59Only those cut from the lowest ranks were bigger over such trivial matters.
00:10:03Continue wasting your time.
00:10:05But I'm saving this patient.
00:10:17Oh, okay!
00:10:20What's happening?
00:10:22What are we doing?
00:10:32Oh!
00:10:33Oh!
00:10:34What the hell are you doing?
00:10:36I knew she was a perv!
00:10:38She's definitely trying to steal Lysander from us.
00:10:41Do you all not know that sweat can tell you everything that's medically wrong with a patient?
00:10:44Are you insane?
00:10:46Security, smash her face in for licking my son!
00:10:50He's born with congenital heart disease, has a peanut allergy, and the condition he has is called endogenic cryomorphie.
00:10:57Yeah, right!
00:10:58I mean, no way you got all that just from licking him!
00:11:01Oh, okay.
00:11:02I've studied every disease known to man, right?
00:11:04I even have the badge of universal medicine right here.
00:11:08And I've never heard of endo-cryo-what?
00:11:14Hmm.
00:11:15This?
00:11:22It is worth nothing when I have the real thing right here.
00:11:25What?
00:11:26What?
00:11:27So you think that this crummy walking stick of yours is what, THE rod of a sepulius?
00:11:33Why don't you go back to the homeless asylum where you came from if you're going to be this delusional?
00:11:38I agree.
00:11:39I mean, even if she does solve this medical mystery, what is the point of doctors who have studied for
00:11:45years?
00:11:46We are all certified.
00:11:47But Lysander does have congenital heart disease.
00:11:51She's right about everything.
00:11:55Yeah, but if she just throws out a bunch of fake diagnoses, one of them is bound to be right.
00:12:00And again, there is no such thing as endo-cryo-what-what!
00:12:04Endogenic cryomorphie.
00:12:05Oh!
00:12:05And of course none of you have heard of it.
00:12:07Because I just discovered it.
00:12:10This condition only affects those with both CHD and a peanut allergy.
00:12:14The chances are a billion to one.
00:12:16A hundred times rarer than winning the lottery.
00:12:18But lucky for you all, you've hit the jackpot by finding me.
00:12:23What a bunch of baloney.
00:12:25I mean, you wouldn't be homeless if you were actually any good.
00:12:30Precisely.
00:12:30You are just a scamming prostitute.
00:12:33You don't compare to meet us who actually studied real medicine.
00:12:38I bet you were too poor to go to real medical school.
00:12:42Oh, so she went to the super circus instead.
00:12:45And now she's here putting on this clown show coming up with fake diseases,
00:12:50which mean nothing if you can't wake him up.
00:12:53Is that supposed to be a challenge?
00:12:56Oh, yeah.
00:12:57If you three incompetent doormats want to show me up,
00:13:01I think you all should grow parts of your brain back.
00:13:04Which, by the way, that condition is called an encephaly.
00:13:08What is that supposed to mean?
00:13:10It means you're being schooled by me.
00:13:11And I'm about to walk all over your medical licensees.
00:13:16Then let's have a bet.
00:13:17If you can't heal him, you'll break your hands.
00:13:23And then you can't pretend to have healing hands anymore.
00:13:29These hands have saved more lives than all three of you combined.
00:13:34You're that desperate to get rid of your competition, huh?
00:13:37Miss Trixie, don't risk your hands for them.
00:13:40There's too many lives at stake.
00:13:44Don't worry. I got this.
00:13:48It's a deal.
00:13:50I'll save Lysander Armstrong.
00:13:53No one is dying on my watch.
00:14:00Lysander Armstrong has been in a vegetative state for two years.
00:14:08Are you stopping me because you're scared I'd actually succeed?
00:14:11Homeless or not, if you save my son, I'll give you everything.
00:14:23I'll even have Lysander, my heir, marry you.
00:14:27I'm not doing this for the money or for a wealthy husband.
00:14:30I just believe in helping good people and doing the right thing.
00:14:34Prepare a jacuzzi set at exactly 113 degrees Fahrenheit.
00:14:38Wait, wait, wait, wait. What for?
00:14:40Don't listen to her!
00:14:42She probably stinks so bad that she just wants a bath to wash the homeless stench off of her.
00:14:47Firstly, this is called greatness.
00:14:50Secondly, even if you drown yourself in plastic surgery,
00:14:54you couldn't get rid of your own ugly moral character.
00:14:58What? Did you just call me?
00:15:02There's a man's life at stake here.
00:15:04And you're standing in my way.
00:15:07Don't don the mantle of doctor when you're only capable of harm.
00:15:11Now stop getting in my way.
00:15:12Or I promise you, you will be bubbling at the mouth very soon.
00:15:16Oh, yeah?
00:15:17Hey, you wanna see real pain?
00:15:19Where's the dog?
00:15:20Well, put down the dog!
00:15:21With pleasure.
00:15:32Oh!
00:15:38Left leaves the wrong breast.
00:15:44You don't deserve to call yourself a doctor.
00:15:50She's been poisoned!
00:15:52It was her!
00:15:54Do you see any poison on me?
00:15:56Medicine in the right hands can save lives.
00:15:59But in the wrong hands, it becomes nothing but poison.
00:16:03This bitch isn't good enough to take down the queen of medicine!
00:16:05Do you have one of your antidotes on you?
00:16:08Of course!
00:16:09I've saved entire civilizations with my antidotes.
00:16:13If I wanna save someone, even the Grim Reaper can't stop me.
00:16:32Why is she spitting blood?
00:16:34This wasn't supposed to happen!
00:16:36I thought you said even the Grim Reaper can't get in your way.
00:16:39Angel herbalist.
00:16:40This is what I call...
00:16:42Malpractice.
00:16:44This isn't fatal. She'll live.
00:16:46But she deserves a little punishment.
00:16:49Well, where's the jacuzzi I asked for?
00:16:51Jacuzzi is ready?
00:16:52Right this way.
00:16:53Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
00:16:55What the hell is going on?
00:16:56You say you want your son to live on to give you tons of grandchildren, don't you?
00:17:00Then stop getting in my way.
00:17:02Every second counts.
00:17:05Let's go for our dip, shall we?
00:17:10General Armstrong, your family is the richest and most powerful in the nation.
00:17:16Are you really gonna let this hobo slut touch your son?
00:17:20Hold on. You two are going in there... alone?
00:17:23If you don't want these drooling vultures to see your son naked, then sure, invite everyone in.
00:17:29All right, but I warn you, no funny business.
00:17:59Awkward.
00:18:01Oh!
00:19:01We'll be fine this little night.
00:19:05On the streets?
00:19:07Are you shitting me?
00:19:09You found this bum on the streets?
00:19:11Are you nuts?
00:19:12You don't know her?
00:19:13You don't know her background?
00:19:14She could be a psychotic murder.
00:19:16That is it, General!
00:19:17You have to go in and stop this now!
00:19:19You're right.
00:19:20That's it.
00:19:20I'm shutting down this clown show right now.
00:19:22James, let's go.
00:19:24Yes, sir.
00:19:27Oh my...
00:19:35I told you all to stay out.
00:19:42This is a critical moment for you.
00:19:44We can't be interrupted.
00:19:45Otherwise, we'd both die.
00:19:51I'm not gonna let this homeless hoochie mama trap my son.
00:19:57I'm gonna save him myself.
00:19:58No!
00:20:03You see that, General?
00:20:05This isn't just a gull-dicking con woman.
00:20:07This is witchcraft.
00:20:10I know what this is!
00:20:11This is the dark witch.
00:20:13I've heard of her.
00:20:14She uses her dark magic to steal the hearts of young, handsome men,
00:20:19and then she eats them alive!
00:20:21Oh.
00:20:21I'm gonna kill that bitch before she takes my son.
00:20:24James!
00:20:25Get the SWAT team.
00:20:26Yes, sir.
00:20:30You regain consciousness.
00:20:42Help me.
00:20:43I'm just one.
00:20:49Something's wrong.
00:20:52You were drunk with an aphrodisiac.
00:20:55Lysander Armstrong and his fortune will soon be mine.
00:21:00That's one more thing I'm saving you from.
00:21:09Sir?
00:21:10The SWAT team is here.
00:21:12Captain Morales.
00:21:15My son is trapped behind there with a devious, man-eating witch.
00:21:20I need you to do whatever you can to tear down that door.
00:21:23Rest assured, General Armstrong.
00:21:25We'll break down that door and bury that bitch alive.
00:21:32Right.
00:21:34Rewrites the wrong.
00:21:39Human.
00:21:42Who the fuck are you?
00:21:44And why the hell are we naked?
00:21:47Good.
00:21:48Good.
00:21:48You're awake.
00:21:49I'm saving you.
00:21:50Saving you?
00:21:52By baiting with me?
00:21:54Who are you?
00:21:55Your fucking spy?
00:21:55I'm sorry.
00:21:56Talk!
00:21:57I swear to God, I'm gonna have you arrested for this.
00:22:01You're the one who's trying to kiss me in your stripper.
00:22:06I will never.
00:22:07I will never.
00:22:21I will never.
00:22:22I will never.
00:22:25Look, I don't know what the fuck this is, alright?
00:22:27But it is a biological fact.
00:22:29A man is attracted to a naked woman.
00:22:34And her breasts.
00:22:35Science, okay?
00:22:36It just means that my body-
00:22:37Oh, shut up.
00:22:41You're distracted me with your friend.
00:22:43And I'm a professional.
00:22:45I hear Lysander's voice.
00:22:47Captain, do something now.
00:22:48Ready!
00:22:54We're on a step.
00:22:57Aim!
00:22:59Get him, boys.
00:23:00Get him!
00:23:02Fire!
00:23:06Fire!
00:23:11Fire!
00:23:21Those anus cells.
00:23:23How is this possible?
00:23:25It's not even a scratch.
00:23:27I told you this is dark magic.
00:23:29Of course, your earthly bullets won't do a thing.
00:23:31No.
00:23:32I believe Miss Trixie is a good person.
00:23:35She's not the Dark Witch.
00:23:36Young Master Armstrong, you are too easily fooled.
00:23:40This homeless psycho doesn't even have the skills to make a living.
00:23:44How is she going to save someone else's life?
00:23:46That's right. The Queen Angel and I are already the top female doctors in the world.
00:23:51If we can't save him, no one can.
00:23:54Except for the Goddess Healer.
00:23:56Think about it. We heard Lysander's voice.
00:23:58He's been in a coma for two years. Miss Trixie must have woken him up.
00:24:01You're right. This homeless girl is maybe the Goddess...
00:24:07Maybe this homeless girl is really the Goddess...
00:24:11No! No! Absolutely not!
00:24:13There is no way this hobo girl is better than us!
00:24:16But how could you know for sure?
00:24:18Right now, what we need to do is not interrupt Miss Trixie.
00:24:22You're wrong, sir!
00:24:23This homeless snake is using the forbidden techniques on Master Lysander.
00:24:27It's called Borderline Revival.
00:24:29She uses torturous pain to wake the patient.
00:24:33But only temporarily.
00:24:35It's a trick! To pull the wool over your eyes and ears.
00:24:39That means my son is in tremendous pain.
00:24:42I'm going to ask you two to do whatever you can.
00:24:45To kill that antler rod bearing witch!
00:24:48My son doesn't deserve this.
00:24:49He is dying right now, naked in a jacuzzi with a smelly vagrant!
00:24:54Then it looks like it's up to me.
00:24:56The witch doctor.
00:24:58Only I know the right techniques to take her down.
00:25:02My son's life is in your hands.
00:25:05You heal him, I will give you whatever your heart desires.
00:25:09I don't know who you are, but there is no way I am letting you rip my golden bachelor away
00:25:15from me.
00:25:17This is it. The finishing touch.
00:25:20I must now give you the kiss of life.
00:25:23So we can both survive.
00:25:43It's poison gas.
00:25:45The poison gas will smoke them out and end her torture over Master Lysander.
00:25:50Poison gas? My son is in there!
00:25:53You're jeopardizing his life as well!
00:25:55No, don't worry General!
00:25:57Gold diggers like her only care about themselves.
00:26:00Soon, she'll come out crying to mommy.
00:26:03Then we can reverse the poison on your son.
00:26:05And then he can marry one of us.
00:26:08They really won't stop until they get both of us killed.
00:26:14I made a promise to you that I'd save you.
00:26:17It's now or never.
00:26:30What the hell are they doing in there?
00:26:32It's been over ten minutes.
00:26:34Wait a second.
00:26:35You don't think that they're...
00:26:37You! You suffocated my brother and Miss Trixie in there!
00:26:41Don't point your fingers at me!
00:26:42If your brother's dead, it's because of that homeless gold digger.
00:26:46Oh my god.
00:26:47Yeah? She's the one who sealed the door shut.
00:26:49I mean, she probably locked themselves in there on accident.
00:26:53Miss Trixie wouldn't have to do that if you weren't trying to sabotage her from saving my brother.
00:26:58This is taking way too long.
00:27:00Captain Morales, it's time to get out the big guns.
00:27:04These bazookas can flatten even a bomb shelter.
00:27:07The bazooka.
00:27:09She won't be able to hide even if she's the devil himself.
00:27:12Crap.
00:27:12Oh my god.
00:27:13Get back, son.
00:27:15Ready.
00:27:17Aim!
00:27:17Oh shit.
00:27:22Quit your whining and stand down.
00:27:36The parasite's been extracted. Shoot her dead now!
00:27:40Do I need to fix your hearing too?
00:27:42I said stand down!
00:27:45Don't listen to her. She's a fraud.
00:27:47A termite to the field of medicine.
00:27:49I just saved this man that otherwise would have died in your care.
00:27:53If I'm a termite, then...
00:27:55You're worse than a disease spreading tick.
00:27:58Wait a second.
00:27:59Are you saying you cured my son?
00:28:01He'll wake in just a moment.
00:28:02You can see for yourself.
00:28:04Well now you're just asking to be exposed.
00:28:07That is it!
00:28:08No more stalling, General!
00:28:10If you won't punish her, I will.
00:28:16Don't hurt her.
00:28:21He's a cure!
00:28:28His pulse is regular. In fact, it's never been better.
00:28:35There's no sign of illness, infection, or disease.
00:28:45Miss Trixie did it, Dad.
00:28:48Lysander's warm again. He's not cold and pale like before.
00:28:51And his heart is strong. Come, feel it.
00:28:55I saved my son. Thank you.
00:28:58Next time, don't go seeking medical advice from those with ill will.
00:29:02Your son would have otherwise died by their greedy and unskilled hands.
00:29:06I've learned my lesson.
00:29:08I will not let these two nutjobs ever practice their voodoo voodoo magic again.
00:29:12Wait! Wait! No, no!
00:29:14There is only one person in the world who is more skilled in the field of medicine
00:29:19than the Queen, Angel, and I.
00:29:21The...
00:29:23The Goddess Healer!
00:29:28Could you really be the Goddess of Healing?
00:29:30But rumor has it that the Goddess of Healing is well over 100 years old,
00:29:35and you don't look a day after 20.
00:29:38It doesn't matter who I am.
00:29:39What matters is that the patient is healthy again.
00:29:43Devon, I've repaid your kindness by fulfilling your wish of saving your brother.
00:29:47Take care.
00:29:48No, wait!
00:29:49Miss Trixie, we still haven't fulfilled our promise to you yet.
00:29:52He's right.
00:29:53We are men of our words.
00:29:55And as I promised you, my heir, Lysander, would take you as a wife if you cured him.
00:29:59And you did just that.
00:30:00Of course, you're welcome to marry me instead.
00:30:05I really appreciate it, but...
00:30:07I'm sorry, I...
00:30:10I'm already engaged.
00:30:14Already engaged?
00:30:15I am.
00:30:16I've been patiently awaiting his return from deployment for the last three years.
00:30:20And he's coming back today.
00:30:22But don't be disappointed.
00:30:24Really, I'm no one special.
00:30:26I just got lucky with your brother.
00:30:28Some guru taught me that spa water can cure all kinds of ailments.
00:30:31But you're still Lysander's savior.
00:30:33Please, let me give you what I promised. Take the gold.
00:30:36No, really.
00:30:39I don't need anything.
00:30:40I just believe in doing good in the world.
00:30:46Trixie, it's your fiancé.
00:30:48He's back.
00:30:49And he says he's breaking up with you.
00:30:53I must go.
00:31:01Hobo close.
00:31:02Halo glow.
00:31:03I bet the goddess healer is just like Miss Trixie.
00:31:07It was just dumb luck.
00:31:09She's even dumber for not accepting his marriage proposal.
00:31:12She could have been the richest woman in the world.
00:31:14Marrying the hottest, most powerful bachelor around.
00:31:20I'm gonna marry that homeless woman.
00:31:26Oh my God.
00:31:28I mean, I don't know about that homeless bimbo, but this is godly.
00:31:33No, no, no, no, no, Lysander!
00:31:36Lysander, Lysander, our job was supposed to be mine!
00:31:40I'd so much rather share him with you than let that panty-like ugly snitch have him!
00:31:45You two nut jobs are a disgrace to your profession.
00:31:48Take these two weirdos out of here and revoke their licenses.
00:31:51Wait!
00:31:52No!
00:31:52We're not for us!
00:31:54No, she's just better than us!
00:31:56Oh my God!
00:32:00We were truly blessed to have Miss Trixie here, huh?
00:32:03She's no average Jane.
00:32:05No, she isn't.
00:32:06She said it was just dumb luck.
00:32:08But if she truly had these special skills,
00:32:10why did she wear that shit-stained dress and had an impeccable looking doll?
00:32:14But think about the impenetrable walls.
00:32:16No normal person could have done that.
00:32:18Goddess or not, homeless or not, I don't care.
00:32:21I have never met a woman like that.
00:32:23I have to find her.
00:32:24I have to make her my wife.
00:32:25She won my heart over too.
00:32:27But if my bestest big bro wants her, I'll help you find her.
00:32:31Alright, listen.
00:32:32I need help finding three wedding gifts.
00:32:39I'm dumping Trixie.
00:32:41So I want you, your granddaughters, filthy things, out of my house now.
00:32:48Trixie paid for this house.
00:32:49She waited for you for three years.
00:32:53He was dumb enough to put my name on the lease.
00:32:55And I'm upgrading for a better girlfriend now.
00:32:57One with some serious fuck you money.
00:33:00So get lost.
00:33:02Who gave you permission to bark like a rabbit hyena in my house?
00:33:11Grandma.
00:33:13Beatrice, Trixie, Amore.
00:33:15I've been dying to throw this in your face.
00:33:17I'm dumping you for your best friend, Marissa.
00:33:21In fact, the wedding's tomorrow.
00:33:25So sign over the house now.
00:33:31You gave me this ring and asked me to wait.
00:33:34And I did.
00:33:36For three years while you were deployed.
00:33:39Yet you cheat on me with my best friend.
00:33:41And now you're trying to swindle my home?
00:33:44Do you have no shame?
00:33:46We were together for three years and it was a complete waste of my life.
00:33:50When I could have been with a loaded girl like Marissa.
00:33:58That's how much you would owe me if I was in the rent-to-boyfriend business.
00:34:03I see you're fulfilling your highest aspirations of being a low-grade male prostitute.
00:34:12Oh, yeah?
00:34:13Well, Marissa is so much better than you.
00:34:17She grew up even poorer than you.
00:34:20And now she's the CEO of an entire corporation.
00:34:27And you?
00:34:29You're still nothing.
00:34:32So you think she's an upgrade?
00:34:34Of course she's an upgrade.
00:34:36Look what she got me for my engagement.
00:34:40Oops.
00:34:41Yeah.
00:34:42That's maybe worth one millionth the presidential contract I gave her.
00:34:52You gave her the presidential contract?
00:34:54I certainly did.
00:34:55In fact, Marissa, you and your dimwit brother only have everything you have all thanks to
00:35:02me.
00:35:07Oh, I think she's losing it, bro.
00:35:09That breakup must have hit her hard.
00:35:12You two are the ungrateful, cheating scum here.
00:35:16My granddaughter supported you and your entire family for three years while you were gone.
00:35:22How dare you insult her?
00:35:25It's okay, Grandma.
00:35:27Let's not stoop to that level.
00:35:29Poor Edna.
00:35:30She still doesn't know what you're doing out there on the streets, huh?
00:35:33What is he talking about, Julesy?
00:35:35Show her, Bob.
00:35:41This is how embarrassingly useless your granddaughter is.
00:35:44She didn't purchase this house on her own.
00:35:47She was begging on the street for money.
00:35:50I can't be caught with a piss-poor nobody like you.
00:35:53Even if you got no game, I got street credit I gotta keep.
00:35:57You dig?
00:35:58The word you're looking for is dignity.
00:36:00And you're one to speak, cheater.
00:36:04Is this true, Trixie?
00:36:09I've been broadening my horizons, Grandma.
00:36:11I wanna see how regular everyday people live, so that I can help them.
00:36:17Of course, those without substance underneath would never understand that.
00:36:21What is that supposed to mean?
00:36:22It means the new girlfriend you think is an upgrade is actually a downgrade.
00:36:31Enough bullshitting already!
00:36:32Just sign the damn papers and we can each get on with our lives.
00:36:48At your wedding, I will.
00:36:50What?
00:36:51If you won't do good by me of breaking things off before two-timing me with my best friend,
00:36:57why should I do good by you?
00:36:59I'll give you my John Hancock at your wedding as a charity to you.
00:37:04Fucking bitch!
00:37:06You better keep your word.
00:37:07Oh, that's rich.
00:37:09After tomorrow, you will never feel so rich ever again.
00:37:12Do you remember that?
00:37:20Trixie, Marissa's a millionaire now.
00:37:23They'll destroy you if you show even so much as a hair at their wedding.
00:37:27Grandma, I have to confess something to you.
00:37:31I've secretly amassed a fortune worth trillions.
00:37:34Trillions?
00:37:36That would make you the richest person on the planet.
00:37:41It's because of the healing hands I inherited from Asseplius, the god of healing.
00:37:46I've saved several world leaders with these hands.
00:37:50That's how I was able to give Marissa the presidential contract and become the goddess healer.
00:37:55It makes me angrier hearing her name knowing how she betrayed you.
00:37:59But please, Trixie dear, I know it was to broken your heart,
00:38:04but embellishing your worth and who you are, it will only delay the healing process.
00:38:11You don't have to believe me just yet.
00:38:13After we lost mom and dad because we didn't have the money for their medical bills,
00:38:18I vowed that I would do everything I can to serve those in need.
00:38:23That's why I'm taking everything back from Butch and I'm giving it back to Charity.
00:38:27You've always had an angel's heart.
00:38:29I'm certain you will meet someone who will treat you right, who actually deserves you.
00:38:35You will see tomorrow, grandma.
00:38:38Oh, yeah.
00:38:44You said Trixie's crashing your wedding?
00:38:47She was bullying us too, Sasa.
00:38:49She's probably trying to extort you now that she knows you're rich as fuck.
00:38:54When nobody steps on Snake, Snake bites back hard.
00:38:58So let her come and embarrass herself.
00:39:00Yeah.
00:39:02You mean, we broadcast that video of me?
00:39:09Yes.
00:39:10Her cavewoman's take the 19th century tin can.
00:39:13She'll prop me up higher on my pedestal and the whole world sees her in her homeless mess
00:39:17against my presidential glow up.
00:39:20Let's turn this party into her funeral.
00:39:29There he is.
00:39:32Welcome home, brother.
00:39:34Welcome home, General!
00:39:38Sir, the homeless woman who saved you, Miss Trixie, this is the file of her ex, Butch Tanner.
00:39:43He served with your regiment in the Marines.
00:39:45You mean the Butch Tanner that can barely carry supplies?
00:39:47Well, she's been providing for him and his entire family while he's been deployed overseas, sir.
00:39:51So she waited for him for years and then he betrayed her.
00:39:55Fucking coward.
00:39:56According to intel, she's planning to bring it down on them at their wedding.
00:39:59Then we should join her.
00:40:01Men, I'm only alive today because of that virtuous woman and her incredible power that saved my life.
00:40:07So she needs our support.
00:40:08Will you join me in protecting her?
00:40:10Yes, sir!
00:40:11We will allow our lives to protect her, sir!
00:40:14Then let's roll.
00:40:30Welcome everyone to my wedding.
00:40:32Today is a very special day for me and Butch.
00:40:34Not only are we getting married, but in just one hour my company will be receiving the presidential contract allowing
00:40:40my biomedical company to go public.
00:40:46Congratulations on the contract once again, Mrs.
00:40:49Wickham.
00:40:50Stowe, Butch is taking my last name.
00:40:52Oh, and please don't be so uptight, Secretary Cho.
00:40:55You are the secretary of the entire U.S. Health Department, but this is a par-tay after all.
00:41:00I see some of the most important people in the nation have also arrived to celebrate you.
00:41:07The U.S. president will also be arriving soon to give you the contract herself.
00:41:13It's an honor.
00:41:14And that's why Sasa is the best wife a man could ever dream of.
00:41:19We will make sure the crowd is entertained tonight.
00:41:22We'll let the wedding begin!
00:41:25Not so fast.
00:41:27The party doesn't start until I say it does.
00:41:51You two really are a match made in hell.
00:41:53So I've come to save your guests from this oncoming train wreck.
00:41:57I don't recognize it from any of our elite circles.
00:42:00Who is she?
00:42:01This is our entertainment for tonight, sir.
00:42:04Just watch.
00:42:08Trixie, what are you doing here?
00:42:09This isn't the homeless shelter.
00:42:11You lost.
00:42:12I bet she's here to bum a meal off us.
00:42:14You know, being this poor.
00:42:17Me, bum a meal.
00:42:19Have you forgotten that it was I who bankrolled you two for the last three years?
00:42:23And what evidence do you have of that?
00:42:25Look at me, then go look at yourself in the mirror.
00:42:27I'm a millionaire CEO.
00:42:30Even the first woman president will be here any second now to congratulate me.
00:42:34And you're nothing but a washed up sewer rat.
00:42:37Sasa, she's like so obsessed with me.
00:42:41See everyone?
00:42:43Butch already cut ties with his ex, but she's so shameless and desperate that she'd still show up to my
00:42:49wedding to suck up to me.
00:42:51This is what poor sad girls do.
00:42:53They beg for scraps from us, the rich and glorious.
00:42:57Rejecting much, Marissa?
00:42:59You might feel all high and mighty now, but don't bite the hand that feeds you.
00:43:04Especially when I'm the one who's giving you the contract.
00:43:11You giving me the contract?
00:43:14You have no skills, no education, no connection.
00:43:18So how could you possibly have a pool to get the US fucking president to give me a billion dollar
00:43:24contract?
00:43:25We both share humble beginnings, Marissa.
00:43:27And I saw potential in you.
00:43:29Even trusted you as my best friend.
00:43:31But I recognize now that greed has poisoned you.
00:43:34Don't be all sore now just because I stole your man.
00:43:38This is what us rich girls do.
00:43:40They steal from lame spinsters for fun.
00:43:43Damn right.
00:43:44You were too embarrassing for me.
00:43:48Sasa tramples you any day.
00:43:49I can say that now that I'm marrying the rich.
00:43:52Bravo.
00:43:53Self-admission of a gold digger.
00:43:55Quick, somebody put that on a memoir.
00:43:57Sasa, she's embarrassing me in front of everyone.
00:43:59She'll make her sup.
00:44:00Don't listen to her, everyone.
00:44:02She's the gold digging blood sucking leech.
00:44:05I don't even have to lift a finger and you're already embarrassing yourself in front of everyone for me, butch.
00:44:11You may look and sound like a man.
00:44:13But you're nothing but a pathetic coward.
00:44:15Okay, enough!
00:44:16You know what I always couldn't stand about you?
00:44:19Your moral posturing.
00:44:21But guess what?
00:44:22Morals are just lies to make you lame girls feel better about yourselves.
00:44:26That's why no man will choose you over Marissa Trixie.
00:44:29Because I've got the material goods.
00:44:31And you're just all empty talk.
00:44:33I'm not here to request to be chosen.
00:44:35Because I'm the one who's doing the choosing.
00:44:39See this?
00:44:47Oh my god.
00:44:53Is that the billion dollar contract for Sasa?
00:44:58The one that's supposed to make us all rich as fuck?
00:45:01No, absolutely not.
00:45:02I don't believe it.
00:45:04You all sound so scared already.
00:45:06Don't worry.
00:45:07This isn't that contract.
00:45:09It's the lease to the modest home you try to swindle from me.
00:45:15See everyone?
00:45:16She's just trying to bluff us.
00:45:18But you don't even have the guts to go all the way.
00:45:20Look at her following orders.
00:45:21I asked her to sign over the lease and here she is.
00:45:24Like a good little, uh, peasant slave.
00:45:27That house is worth all her life savings.
00:45:32You want to, uh, I don't know, beg for a little treat while you're at it?
00:45:46You must understand me.
00:45:48I'm here to take back everything I've ever given you.
00:45:51I'm giving it to charity.
00:45:59Bro!
00:46:00She's gone cuckoo in the head.
00:46:02She thinks that just because she rented a pretty little dress
00:46:04she can pretend to be a deep pocket-investing baddie.
00:46:07You wish you had that kind of money to just toss away, Trixie.
00:46:10It's just a drop in the bucket for me.
00:46:12Uh, I-I know what this is.
00:46:14You've gone delusional.
00:46:16And you think you're Cinderella so you can just show up to a fancy party
00:46:19and some Prince Charming will scoop you into money forever?
00:46:22Well, that's not happening.
00:46:24Security!
00:46:25Lock the doors.
00:46:26This woman doesn't leave until we're through with her.
00:46:31This is where your dreams will die, bitch.
00:46:37We found Miss Trixie Lysander.
00:46:38She's being cornered by her ex and his mistress at the Wickham wedding right now.
00:46:41Butch Tanner.
00:46:42Well, he's gonna wish he died in battle after I'm done with him.
00:46:46Let's go.
00:46:50You think a few toy guns scare me, Marissa?
00:46:53I've saved plenty of people for much worse.
00:46:56Including your head of command, Butch.
00:46:58General Lysander Armstrong.
00:47:01You mean the legendary war hero?
00:47:03He's been in a coma for years after he saved the nation from a terrorist attack.
00:47:07You're an unskilled, unemployed, ugly leech.
00:47:11So how could you possibly have this magical ability to heal someone like General Lysander Armstrong?
00:47:17No one here is gonna believe you.
00:47:18Have you really cured the incurable General?
00:47:21Then Sasa is the fucking Virgin Mary.
00:47:24And she's not.
00:47:25You're just asking to be humiliated, Trixie.
00:47:28Show them, Butch.
00:47:35See for yourselves, everyone.
00:47:37Trixie's just a freeloading beggar.
00:47:42She won't leave me and Marissa alone cause we're rich as fuck now.
00:47:46I'm a major in the Marines.
00:47:48Sasa, she has a billion dollar biomedical contract with the military.
00:47:54Approved by the first female president of the United States herself, bitch.
00:47:59How despicable.
00:48:00She's just trying to leech off you like a parasitic gold digger.
00:48:04Get out of here.
00:48:05No one wants to marry you.
00:48:06No free meals for the poor!
00:48:08Do you see this, Trixie?
00:48:11This is high society.
00:48:12So you're either born on a silver spoon or you're as accomplished as me to be here.
00:48:17Maybe if you do some serious dick-sucking here, maybe someone will drop a couple bucks in your tin can.
00:48:26I already have everything one can dream of.
00:48:28But I valued our friendship, Marissa.
00:48:30Which is why I came here to give you a second chance.
00:48:32To see if you'd apologize and admit to your backstabbing.
00:48:36But no.
00:48:37You stooped so low, it disgusts me.
00:48:40Nothing is more disgusting than you standing on street corners like a bum.
00:48:45And who knows?
00:48:46If you've already started offering sexual services.
00:48:50Well then.
00:48:52Why don't you get on your knees for me, Trixie?
00:48:54My brother will never take you back.
00:48:57No man will marry an embarrassment like you.
00:49:00But make me happy?
00:49:02And I might consider making you my personal prostitute.
00:49:16How dare you hit my brother!
00:49:17I'm never letting you leave here alive!
00:49:20Boss, I had to do something.
00:49:22Don't worry, my dear.
00:49:24After I'm done with you, Trixie, not even the goddess of healing will be able to save you.
00:49:30Oh, is that so?
00:49:32Security!
00:49:35Get down on your knees and give Bob one hell of a blowjob in front of everybody here.
00:49:40Or I'll pop so many holes in you, the men here won't know which one to fuck.
00:49:44I don't need to be the goddess of anything to punish you.
00:49:48Any of the powerful leaders I've saved before could crush you before you even touch me.
00:49:52Dream on!
00:49:54You wish General Licenter scooped you off your feet, but you weren't good enough for me.
00:49:59You're definitely not good enough for him.
00:50:01Enough!
00:50:02You're souring my party, so you either get the fuck out, or I'm gonna shoot you.
00:50:08On the count of three!
00:50:10I think I quite like it here.
00:50:11Two!
00:50:12Two!
00:50:22Mmm.
00:50:24This wine is so delicious.
00:50:26Run!
00:50:27Shoot!
00:50:30Nobody is laying a hand on my future wife.
00:50:40It's...
00:50:41It's...
00:50:42It's...
00:50:47It's...
00:50:50Who the hell is this?
00:50:55I'm sorry that I'm late.
00:50:57Did they hurt you?
00:50:58Yeah.
00:50:58No.
00:50:59I'm fine.
00:51:00But, um...
00:51:01When did I become your future wife?
00:51:05You saved me, Trixie.
00:51:07Remember?
00:51:08I'm a man of my word.
00:51:10They're never gonna hurt you ever again.
00:51:12Really, it was nothing.
00:51:14I saved you because you're a good man.
00:51:16Not because I want you to owe me any favors.
00:51:20Ahem.
00:51:24I see what this is.
00:51:26You're the one who cheated on me, Trixie.
00:51:28Look at you guys all lovey-dove.
00:51:30Don't try to pin this on her.
00:51:31She waited for you for three years.
00:51:33This is the kind of woman of virtue that a man would die for.
00:51:38Virtue?
00:51:39Don't make me laugh.
00:51:41She's probably out there giving blowjobs for cash.
00:51:43No man who, in a hundred foot pole, would want to touch her.
00:51:48She should be happy Bob was willing to give her some.
00:51:54I see her in the Marines.
00:51:58I'm a major.
00:51:59You know?
00:51:59Look, man.
00:52:00I know Trixie is like a, I don't know, like a seven.
00:52:04Now that she's all cleaned up.
00:52:05But don't waste your manhood on a whiny, worthless woman like that.
00:52:10Ow!
00:52:10Ow!
00:52:11Ow!
00:52:15A real man never talks about a woman that way.
00:52:19You're a coward.
00:52:29We don't need to fight fire with fire to deal with the likes of them.
00:52:34You're very gracious Trixie, you know that?
00:52:38You're only getting off of it because she's so kind.
00:52:40So you're going to do me the favor of never coming near her again.
00:52:43You understand?
00:52:43You want to fuck with me, you little dipshit?
00:52:45I'm a fucking major.
00:52:47You're probably lowest rank of the military grunts.
00:52:49I'll, I'll destroy you.
00:52:52Do you really not know who this is, Butch?
00:52:54I thought you were in the Marines.
00:52:56What have you been doing this whole time if you don't know who this war hero is?
00:53:00He was just a supply boy.
00:53:04War hero?
00:53:06Is this all part of your plan, Trixie?
00:53:09Poor girl.
00:53:10Did you sell your house to hire this actor so you can feel better about yourself?
00:53:14A woman's worth is tied to the man she marries.
00:53:17Trixie is worthless because that guy looks like a cowboy.
00:53:23A bum girl and a pimp.
00:53:25What a pair.
00:53:27Seems like they don't know who you are since you've been out of action for so long.
00:53:31Maybe we should try to play some house some more.
00:53:33Don't you think?
00:53:35Bring in the wedding gifts.
00:53:44What is all this?
00:53:45Trixie, listen, I know that you didn't ask for anything after you saved my life.
00:53:50But I know that we shared a moment.
00:53:55I'm not the kind of man to get close to a woman and then just disappear.
00:53:59It's not in my nature.
00:54:01I'm like somebody else here.
00:54:03Listen, Trixie, I have never met a woman like you.
00:54:10So incredible and kind and beautiful.
00:54:14So I know that you're the one for me.
00:54:18This guy's either nuts or a really, really good actor.
00:54:23Oscar worthy. Oscar worthy.
00:54:26First gift.
00:54:32Trixie, I know that you just lost your home.
00:54:35So I'm gifting you with your own new mansion.
00:54:39Worth $500 million.
00:54:40Previously owned by Jennifer Aniston.
00:54:44Second gift.
00:54:48This contains all the rights to my entire fortune.
00:54:52Which is now yours.
00:54:53Entire fortune from a cowboy actor?
00:54:56Must be that easy.
00:54:57They already spent their entire life savings on this clown show.
00:55:00They've got nothing left.
00:55:02Lysander, I really don't care for any of us.
00:55:04Look, I know.
00:55:06I know that you are the farthest thing from a material woman.
00:55:09Okay? Which is exactly why my third gift is, um...
00:55:15Well...
00:55:30Cleo!
00:55:31Hey!
00:55:33Oh my God.
00:55:35You found my dog.
00:55:40Trixie, I'm just a man.
00:55:42But with you, it's so much more.
00:55:44Trixie Amore.
00:55:48Will you marry me?
00:55:52You know I can't say no to this doggo.
00:55:58Yes.
00:55:59I will marry you.
00:56:09Butchie Amore.
00:56:16Go Go Power Couple!
00:56:18Whoo!
00:56:19Oh, okay.
00:56:20Stop!
00:56:21The only Power Couple here is Butch and I.
00:56:25Let's remind everyone how worth this Trixie is.
00:56:29no man in their right mind would marry that embarrassing sack of scraps hey i don't care
00:56:36if she's homeless or not but i'm making this woman my wife which means that she will be treated as
00:56:41and cherished as the most precious woman on earth understand
00:56:49you still don't realize that my brother is the most powerful man on earth this is general
00:56:55lysander armstrong
00:57:03as if like the almighty general lysander armstrong would propose to a homeless prostitute like
00:57:10tricksy yes the armstrong family basically controlled the global stock market lysander
00:57:15armstrong would sooner marry the princess of england than someone from the lowest rank of society
00:57:19i bet my life you're all just actors then you better enjoy your last breath come on lysander
00:57:26what are we waiting for let's show them what we can do and get revenge for tricksy what can a
00:57:29bunch of
00:57:29piss poor people do to us the elites infect us with your poor people bad luck she wishes she could
00:57:36blame her low status on bad luck truth is she's just a useless lazy bitchin bum she's utterly unmarriable
00:57:46i can dispose of them in other means if you don't prefer violence i'd handle them myself but
00:57:54i'll let you do all the heavy lifting go ahead lysander
00:58:05yes hello this is lysander please bankrupt marissa wickham for me
00:58:10oh my gosh i'm so scared anyone these days could call anyone and pretend to be on the phone
00:58:23uh hello yes
00:58:27what
00:58:32i'm a bankrupt
00:58:42hey hey hey are you sure that was the call salsa that that was a real call people don't just
00:58:47suddenly go bankrupt like that my company's dead evaporated it's a thin air
00:58:55that's impossible who are you what did you do secretary cho you said you're the secretary
00:59:03of health right and you yourself said that the armstrong family owns the entire global stock market
00:59:07could that be how they bankrupted miss wickham
00:59:11then that means
00:59:14you're really lysander armstrong the richest and most powerful man
00:59:20country
00:59:21trixie's married the famed ward hero the man every girl wants and every man wants to be
00:59:28now you believe me those who do bad will always end up losing everything
00:59:33there's there's got to be some some trick to this you guys are just bums trying to extort money from
00:59:38us
00:59:47i know why you're all over trixie because you've been in the military for so long you don't know
00:59:52what a real woman can do for you let me take you to my wedding chamber and i'll show you
00:59:57a good time
01:00:07i would never be interested in a woman who's as vile and cruel and wicked as you are
01:00:13guess the cheater gets cheated on eventually
01:00:18salsa was just trying to save the company
01:00:21i don't blame her at all
01:00:22your double standards are incredible
01:00:24okay you don't want me
01:00:26fine
01:00:26but there's plenty of other efficiency
01:00:28i can give you a room full of pageant winners 18 years old fresh for the taking
01:00:40i did that so you wouldn't have to miss trixine
01:00:43thank you devon
01:00:46marissa not only have you backstabbed me
01:00:49your best friend by stealing my fiance
01:00:52but now you'd sell out other innocent girls just to get your company back
01:00:56you're an insult to all good women out there
01:00:59no to all of humanity
01:01:00so now everything that i've ever given you to
01:01:04i'm taking it all back
01:01:08wait everyone stop
01:01:12they're imposters
01:01:17i just got off the phone with the president and she said your contract is not getting cancelled
01:01:21because it was assigned by the goddess healer herself
01:01:24so we won't go bankrupt
01:01:26the goddess healer
01:01:27you mean the eccentric and highly elusive sage in the field of medicine approved of mine
01:01:32by all medical products
01:01:33yes that's the highest honor anyone can have in the field of health and medicine
01:01:38the goddess healer's motto is
01:01:40the right rewrites the wrong
01:01:42the left leave the wrong bereft
01:01:45that means she's rewarding me
01:01:47the president would never let your company go bankrupt
01:01:50in fact she's on her way now
01:01:52so you're telling me this dashingly handsome motherfucker over here
01:01:59isn't lysander armstrong
01:02:00who the fuck cares who he is
01:02:02if the president and the goddess healer approves of my products
01:02:05who cares about this washed up war hero
01:02:07we can break his legs break his arms
01:02:09no one would even bat an eye
01:02:11she even gave us explicit permission to call upon secret services
01:02:14FBI
01:02:15FBI
01:02:18you're under arrest for fraudulent claims
01:02:20and identity theft
01:02:23gotcha
01:02:28guess I still get the last laugh Trixie
01:02:30no don't arrest her
01:02:32Trixie is a good person
01:02:34please officer don't arrest her
01:02:36grandma
01:02:37Mr. Rogers
01:02:38Mrs. Williams
01:02:39what are you all doing here
01:02:40the neighbors heard about the breakup between you and Butch
01:02:43we were worried
01:02:44so we came here to back you up
01:02:46listen officer
01:02:48I can attest that Trixie Amoria is a good neighbor
01:02:51she's very kind hearted
01:02:53and would never break the law
01:02:54yes and one time when my daughter needed university tuition
01:02:58Trixie gave her everything she had just to help her out
01:03:01she also paid for my recent heart surgery as well
01:03:04my fiance really is an incredible woman
01:03:07she's an angel
01:03:09descended from heaven
01:03:14you must be the criminal pretending to be General Lysander Armstrong
01:03:18my brother is not a criminal
01:03:20he's a war hero
01:03:22who single-handedly saved this country from a terrorist attack
01:03:24without him this whole country would have been bombed to ash
01:03:28and that's why his choice to crime is stealing his identity
01:03:31General Lysander Armstrong only fell into a coma
01:03:34because of the fight with the terrorist
01:03:35and we've received no word that he's woken up yet
01:03:37so this must be an imposter
01:03:41I can tell that this whole dilemma with my identity
01:03:43is causing you a lot of trouble
01:03:44but I promise that I'll get it resolved
01:03:46and we can focus on taking down your scumbag ex
01:03:51if you want to arrest me, fine
01:03:53but don't fuck with my fiance
01:03:55you don't get to decide punk
01:03:56let's go
01:04:20get him
01:04:21if you can
01:04:22I'll get it
01:04:25I'll get it
01:04:28I'll get it
01:05:13Is that enough pain, or do you want more?
01:05:24Legend is written all over you, Lysander.
01:05:30Grandma, meet my new fiancé.
01:05:34Wow, your new fiancé?
01:05:37He's so manly.
01:05:38Much better than your last one.
01:05:40I always knew you'd find someone better.
01:05:43It's Butch's loss.
01:05:45Trixie has always been so much better than Marissa.
01:05:48She's like a shining star in the sky, and Marissa's like a roach in the sewers.
01:05:54Bitch, we name calling now?
01:05:56I'll drown you out with insults from my side, right fam?
01:05:58Drown out the poor!
01:06:00Drown out the poor!
01:06:01Drown out the poor!
01:06:04Drown out the poor!
01:06:06Drown out the poor!
01:06:08You see?
01:06:08You've got no connections, no power.
01:06:11You can't compete against me even if you have one guy on your side who can fight.
01:06:14We're too honorable to fight dirty like you.
01:06:17So you're using defenseless lives as your shield because you know we won't hurt them.
01:06:22Let them eat cake!
01:06:33You can't shoot all of them.
01:06:34Grab what you can't, fam.
01:06:36Attack!
01:06:54You will not hurt a single soul in my presence.
01:07:02What the fuck was that?
01:07:04I don't care what the fuck it was!
01:07:06I'm not letting her make a fool of me at my own wedding!
01:07:16Damn it!
01:07:17Damn it!
01:07:18Damn it!
01:07:20You forgot I had a gun too?
01:07:22That'll teach you for messing with the wig hams.
01:07:24Take Miss Trixie and her family and get out of here.
01:07:26We're quartered.
01:07:27I'll sacrifice myself to fend them off.
01:07:30Devon, you and your brother are both good men.
01:07:33I will not let your injury be in vain.
01:07:36They will be punished.
01:07:40Now hold still for me.
01:07:43Right.
01:07:44Ray rides the road.
01:07:56Holy fuck!
01:07:57Did she just reverse the bullet?
01:07:59By chanting the goddess healer's chant?
01:08:01Is she the goddess healer?
01:08:06I'm all better now.
01:08:07Thank you Miss Trixie.
01:08:09See, I knew that you were no ordinary woman.
01:08:13No.
01:08:13Please.
01:08:14I am just an ordinary girl.
01:08:16Don't put me on some sort of pedestal.
01:08:17Sure.
01:08:19You hear that?
01:08:20She's just some average homeless girl in the streets.
01:08:23She was probably holding out a super magnet that drew out the bullet.
01:08:26While I do not care for glory, I do believe in justice.
01:08:30Marissa and Butch, not only have you betrayed me,
01:08:33but now you've hurt the innocent too.
01:08:36I will make you both pay for your crimes.
01:08:38And who are you to judge me for what I do?
01:08:41God?
01:08:42Wrong.
01:08:44But you're close.
01:08:45I'm bullshit.
01:08:46I'm gonna show you how the elite can travel in your little lives.
01:08:51You wanna cross the line so bad?
01:08:53Then let's see you try.
01:08:55Charge!
01:09:04The hell is this?
01:09:06This is the line between life and death.
01:09:10Yo, was that extra neon spray paint?
01:09:13I'll admit it looks pretty good, but, uh,
01:09:15I'll die before I believe that's magic.
01:09:18You're not the Grim Reaper.
01:09:20What if it's a trap?
01:09:21That woman has many tricks up her sleeves.
01:09:23We ain't afraid of her.
01:09:24She's nothing but a circus prostitute.
01:09:27Why don't you cross the line and see for yourself?
01:09:30I will.
01:09:34Left leaves the wrong direction.
01:09:43I'm fine.
01:09:44Nothing happened.
01:09:46You'll see soon enough.
01:09:47Oh, please.
01:09:48I really wanna die.
01:09:50And you call this the line between life and death?
01:09:53I knew you were just making that shit up.
01:09:55Whoops.
01:09:56Just crossed it again.
01:09:57Whoops.
01:09:58And again.
01:09:59Nothing's happened to you.
01:10:11No!
01:10:12No, Bob.
01:10:13Hey.
01:10:15What did you do to my brother?
01:10:16I didn't do anything.
01:10:18Your brother just didn't wanna heed my warning.
01:10:21I suggest you take him to the U.R.
01:10:23If you don't want your wedding to become his funeral.
01:10:26Come on.
01:10:28Major.
01:10:29Are you not gonna help your own brother?
01:10:30How was he able to cross the line?
01:10:33See?
01:10:33This must be an illusion.
01:10:37Only the pure of heart can cross the line.
01:10:40Will somebody take my brother to the hospital?
01:10:42Please!
01:10:49You're so sore I wouldn't marry you.
01:10:51You'd go and hurt my brother.
01:10:52Oh, please.
01:10:53You hurt us first.
01:10:55At first, I was really hurt by your betrayal.
01:10:58But I've come to realize your true colors are that of a snake and a coward.
01:11:03Marissa, thanks for taking this little life from me.
01:11:07You blame yourself for being worthless.
01:11:10You think anyone would wanna marry you when you got nothing to offer?
01:11:15When you wear odd and crazy clothes all day?
01:11:21Don't touch my way.
01:11:23Oh!
01:11:25And instead, Trixie gets a handsome and protective husband.
01:11:30You can daydream all you want now, Trixie, but when the presidential contract arrives,
01:11:34it'll hit you like a fucking truck.
01:11:36That you're nothing but an ugly phony and I'm the queen of everything.
01:11:40Oh, really?
01:11:40Then let me show you how it is I who has everything you want.
01:11:45You've got nothing on me.
01:11:49Yes.
01:11:50Tell the president to get here immediately.
01:11:57Goddess!
01:11:58Madam President, I require your assistance.
01:12:01Yes.
01:12:02We'll be there immediately.
01:12:06Get the VP.
01:12:07We're leaving now.
01:12:11Did she just pretend to call the first woman president of the United States?
01:12:15God, I knew you were cheap, but I didn't know you were crazy too.
01:12:18I'm so glad I dumped you for Marissa.
01:12:21You're pathetic, Trixie.
01:12:23A secretary to remind everyone how I have the presidential contract coming?
01:12:26Miss Wickham is correct.
01:12:28I was on the phone with the president earlier.
01:12:30Only the most important people have Madam President's direct line.
01:12:34You hear that, everyone?
01:12:35There is no way lowlife Trixie could have called the president by herself.
01:12:41She's just a desperate phony who doesn't get enough male attention,
01:12:45so she's come here to play up her importance.
01:12:47No.
01:12:48My granddaughter would never do that.
01:12:50Reversing time just to heal someone's wound, only the goddess healer can do that.
01:12:55Is Trixie really the goddess healer?
01:13:03Oh, first, your boy toy actor pretends to be the war hero General Lysander Armstrong,
01:13:10and now you, Trixie, are pretending to be the goddess healer who gave me my presidential contract?
01:13:14Is this how the working class think all the time?
01:13:18I never realized how delusional they were.
01:13:21You can only dream of what you can never have while we rub our riches and privilege in their faces.
01:13:27Look, I don't know what circus school you went to, but you trying to make me jealous, Trixie?
01:13:31It ain't working.
01:13:33You can't just fake the...
01:13:36Yeah, but goddess healing power is legendary.
01:13:40It's like real magic.
01:13:42Trixie, you're an angel, but the goddess healing is beyond your imagination.
01:13:47And if we steal her identity just to punish her ex, won't her followers be furious and riot against you?
01:13:54No.
01:13:56Trixie, look, I believe you.
01:13:59You saved me.
01:14:01Whether you're a goddess or not, you did that.
01:14:04No matter what happens, you are a goddess to me.
01:14:08We'll riot against you now.
01:14:09Tear her apart!
01:14:11Tear her apart!
01:14:12Tear her apart!
01:14:14Tear her apart!
01:14:16Tear her apart!
01:14:17The Vice President arrives!
01:14:34who dare cause ruckus in here
01:14:40your general lysander armstrong wait what he's actually general lysander armstrong no no we've
01:14:48been through this already once okay right secretary chill this actor trixie hired pulled this weird
01:14:55stunt to try to bankrupt me but you already confirmed with madame president that i got the
01:15:00contract coming still right yes we all thought he was a fraud what i mean is you're the war hero
01:15:08general lysander armstrong and how dare you crash miss wickham's wedding the moment you wake up you
01:15:15fall under this vixen spell and now you're attacking one of the most important allies to the president
01:15:20he is the general oh but he's in trouble now did you hear that even the vice president knows me
01:15:28as an important ally to the nation's leader so what if trixie picked up some washed up war hero
01:15:34we got the vp and the president on our side you'll always be nothing trixie
01:15:41i told you now punish them vice president langley this is treason lysander armstrong you are stripped
01:15:48from your military honors and titles
01:15:53hurry the goddess healer needs us
01:15:58you can't do that mr vice president my brother is a war hero he single-handedly saved this country
01:16:04from terrorist attack he was in a coma for two years if it wasn't for miss trixie he would
01:16:08enough you speak another word and i will bring down your entire family not just your brother
01:16:15yeah it's okay mr vice president i've already given my life once for my country i have no problem
01:16:22doing that again if it means protecting my fiance's life and let's be honest about one other thing
01:16:28mr vice president i never gave a fuck about any damn titles i truly saved a good man
01:16:41i will not let you bring ruin to my fiance and what can you do about it oh mr vice
01:16:47president i have
01:16:48swell idea my biomedical company invented the latest line of poison darts for the military
01:16:53let's try it out on them hold on mr vice president there's no way that you're taking this seriously
01:17:00put innocent civilian lives in danger despicable what's more despicable is that you and your
01:17:05filthy companions are disrespecting power miss wickham you can use full force on them did you hear that
01:17:14that you're not boys oh shoot wait that's the president
01:17:42Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, Madam President, that was, they were totally aiming for Trixie,
01:17:57the fraud in the middle. What is this? Oh, that's my new biomedical weapon, Madam, for your military.
01:18:04This is a war crime. These are innocent civilian lives you're messing with. You're the uncivilized
01:18:09buffoon. I can shoot whoever I want. I have the presidential contract. With great power comes
01:18:14great responsibility. And this is the kind of dastardly creation you've made with the contract
01:18:19I gave you? What are you doing? Reverse the poison and take it out of the president before it's too
01:18:23late. That is easy. There's no need. I'll save everyone.
01:18:42It's raining gold.
01:18:45What's happening? Trixie doesn't have that kind of money. It's got to be cheap glitter.
01:18:52She, she, she is. She is a criminal. Don't worry, Madam President, we will arrest her and
01:18:59we'll throw her in prison. I'd be quiet if I were you, because you're the one that will
01:19:03be going to prison once everyone is healed up. What are you talking about? The president
01:19:07literally came here to give me my billion dollar contract.
01:19:19This contract? Yeah. Yes. Thank you, first gentleman.
01:19:41My contract, you bitch! And that's not all.
01:19:57This foul weapon will not see the light of day. There is only a need for a vaccine if there
01:20:02is a virus. Don't you realize? Or are you too much of a goody two-shoes to understand that?
01:20:08You're the real virus here, Marissa. Money is worth more to you than human lives.
01:20:13And that's something I cannot tolerate. So prepare yourself. Because I'm about to smite you.
01:20:20What are you gonna do? The president is here,
01:20:23and I just invented the best biomedical products in the world.
01:20:28You'll pardon me for that little mishap, right?
01:20:32Madam President, you've recovered now. So what's your final decision?
01:20:38I'll...
01:20:39She's gonna give me my billion dollar...
01:20:46I'll smack her until she sees 50 stars.
01:20:53Why? Why? Why are you attacking me, Madam President? You're supposed to be giving me the
01:20:57billion dollar contract. You wish, you idiot!
01:21:02I've never seen a woman so vile, so ugly on the inside, it makes me want to vomit.
01:21:08I don't understand. I was just trying to punish these imposters for posing as the goddess of healing.
01:21:15And do you know, the goddess healer saved me and my son during childbirth?
01:21:21You've really seen the goddess healer herself in the flesh?
01:21:25The one and only. And it's...
01:21:31Her.
01:21:46Welcome, goddess.
01:21:53Uh, we, uh...
01:22:00You really are the goddess of healing, aren't you?
01:22:02How else did you think I saved you?
01:22:05Then why did you keep it a secret for so long?
01:22:10I wanted to walk the earth as a normal person.
01:22:13To help those in need.
01:22:14And make sure the man I chose loved me for me.
01:22:18No, so that means...
01:22:19The billion dollar contract, it...
01:22:22It was you who gave it to me?
01:22:23And she took it away just like that.
01:22:27That was her golden ticket.
01:22:29You were once my fiancé and best friend.
01:22:31But after everything you've done, we're officially cutting ties with you both.
01:22:35No, please, I swear.
01:22:37I didn't know you were an ex-wife.
01:22:38It's sick.
01:22:41It doesn't matter who she is.
01:22:43Trixie has a heart of gold.
01:22:45She's an amazing person.
01:22:47And you ruin that the moment that you betrayed her.
01:22:50She's gonna be my wife.
01:22:51Because she is the most beautiful and amazing woman on this planet.
01:23:00I love you.
01:23:14All her gold.
01:23:15All her clothes.
01:23:17All that could have been mine.
01:23:19This is all your fault.
01:23:21This is all...
01:23:21You seduced me!
01:23:25You were the one that came on to me, you hymbo.
01:23:28Please, Trixie.
01:23:30Give me another chance.
01:23:32I want to be rich again.
01:23:34I'll be your slave.
01:23:35Kiss the ground you walk on.
01:23:37You've had your chance to apologize.
01:23:40But it's too late now.
01:23:41All I see is your greed and how much you'd hurt others just to benefit yourself.
01:23:46You two should be locked up.
01:23:47And she shall.
01:23:49For creating illegal weapons of mass destruction, arrest Marissa and Butch Wickham.
01:23:55It's all your fault, Marissa.
01:23:57I never loved you.
01:23:59It's your fault!
01:24:00I was only with you for your money.
01:24:02I didn't care.
01:24:02You were rich.
01:24:04I'll see myself now.
01:24:06Rest assured, goddess.
01:24:08We will not be using these biomedical weapons.
01:24:11My platform is spreading kindness just like you.
01:24:14I knew you'd uphold our shared values.
01:24:17That is why I saved you.
01:24:19With these healing hands, I will work tirelessly to change the world one good deed at a time.
01:24:25Well, let's not let this wedding go to waste.
01:24:31Let's party!
01:24:33Wait, what if we just got married?
01:24:35Right now?
01:24:36Yes.
01:24:37Well.
01:24:40Do you take each other to be your lawfully wedded partner?
01:24:45I do.
01:24:46I do.
01:24:47You may kiss the bride.
01:24:49You may kiss the bride.
01:24:52I do.
01:24:53I do.
01:24:54I do.
01:24:55I do.
Comments