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  • 21 minutes ago
Titillating Steven
Transcript
00:00:00All right, ladies.
00:00:03Why did you go in the first place?
00:00:07And, uh...
00:00:08Why don't we start from the beginning?
00:00:12From the beginning, huh?
00:00:16Yeah, I guess that would be best.
00:00:20It was back when we...
00:00:23A couple of years ago when we started going, um...
00:00:27Why don't you go ahead?
00:00:29Thanks.
00:00:31We really couldn't see any choice in the matter, I mean.
00:00:35Basically, we did everything we could in New York to break into the business,
00:00:37and we'd been waiting tables for a long time.
00:00:41Man, just praying for the big break to come along.
00:00:44Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:00:45Praying for the big break?
00:00:47We weren't exactly praying we busted our asses off.
00:00:50If you'd let me finish.
00:00:53We did everything we could to break into the business.
00:00:55From theater to showcases, a few commercials, a couple shitty films.
00:01:00That's for sure.
00:01:02Remember the one where we played the two-headed monster?
00:01:04And you didn't want to wear the green...
00:01:05Oh, let's not go there.
00:01:06Right.
00:01:08Well, in any case, the...
00:01:10The only real progress we made was getting the Friday and Saturday night shifts at Papina's Pizzeria.
00:01:14Yeah, let's just say we were getting increasingly more frustrated.
00:01:17And quite frankly, even more depressed.
00:01:19Yeah.
00:01:20Well, one of those fine days, sulking over a pine in Ben and Jerry's.
00:01:25Or two.
00:01:26I said to Sherry, I said, what the hell are we thinking?
00:01:30Why don't we just write our own goddamn script?
00:01:33Actually, I think that was my idea.
00:01:35No, it wasn't.
00:01:36But anyway...
00:01:36Yes, it was.
00:01:37Anyway...
00:01:40The two of us had this great idea for a story and started writing...
00:01:45We started writing what we felt was a pretty damn good screenplay.
00:01:48That's right.
00:01:49And that's when it all just hit me.
00:01:51Us.
00:01:52Us.
00:01:53Well, that number one, we were clearly in the wrong town.
00:01:56And number two...
00:01:58As far as our screenplay is concerned, there was only one man.
00:02:02But one man who was capable of directing it.
00:02:11Once upon a time, I would have said I don't need it.
00:02:19But if it's mine, I've got to tell you it would be better that way.
00:02:25But we could cry, we could fight, and lie.
00:02:32Cause we could always get high.
00:02:34If every time we smile there is a greedy soul.
00:02:38No, no, no.
00:02:39No, no, no, no.
00:02:40No, no, no.
00:02:41Red Noinas.
00:02:42In the spring we do it up like they used to.
00:02:47Like stars
00:02:49A silver death from an 80s flick
00:02:54Don't be shocked
00:02:56I'm just adapting to this
00:02:59Civilized existence
00:03:01I want it all
00:03:05I want me so
00:03:08I'm a shadow
00:03:09I want it all
00:03:13I want me so
00:03:15I'm a shadow
00:03:16Sonsist dreams
00:03:18Vinyl lust and fire
00:03:24Regrets
00:03:25We're angels from the subterranean world
00:03:30Don't be shy
00:03:32Let's be the days of all
00:03:35This civilized existence
00:03:38I want it all
00:03:41I want me so
00:03:44I'm not shadow
00:03:45I want it all
00:03:49I want it all
00:03:49O-O-O
00:03:50I want me so
00:03:51I'm not shadow
00:03:53I want it all
00:03:56O-O-O
00:03:57I want it all
00:03:58I want me so
00:03:58I'm not shadow
00:04:00I want it all
00:04:10O-O-O
00:04:12A greedy cell
00:04:18Want some breakfast?
00:04:20No, I'm good, thanks.
00:04:21See it yourself.
00:04:23Oh, good one.
00:04:24Jan, here's a promising job offer.
00:04:26Tired of the waitressing circuit?
00:04:28Need a refreshing change?
00:04:30Call us now at 1-800-BIG-HOOTERS.
00:04:33Guess that leaves you out of job.
00:04:36Way things are going, you might want to look into it.
00:04:38What's the money look like?
00:04:42Okay, so it was about two or three weeks now.
00:04:45We were running out of money and we were desperately looking for waitressing jobs.
00:04:48However, we were trying to remain focused on our screenplay.
00:04:52Frankly, I couldn't understand why we couldn't just cut to the chase and hand spills to in the goddamn script.
00:04:57Hand him the script, huh?
00:04:59Well, sure, we'll just walk right up to Stephen.
00:05:01After, of course, he just jumped the fence.
00:05:03Knocked over security past the attack dogs.
00:05:06Then we'll ring the bell and, smiling sweetly, ask the butler if he'd mind fetching Stephen while we wait in
00:05:11the kitchen sipping tea.
00:05:14Stephen just hanging around at home, of course, would gladly be our script.
00:05:18Because, after all, he's got nothing better to do.
00:05:21It's fucking perfect.
00:05:23Yeah.
00:05:25Give me the goddamn paper.
00:05:39Okay.
00:05:40Okay, so we're starting off with a few challenges.
00:05:44Like how we're going to eat tomorrow.
00:05:47Okay, that's one of them.
00:05:53Remember when we were little.
00:05:56I think we were in the third or fourth grade, and the fire department held a contest that whoever thought
00:06:00of the best fire prevention poster would win a ride up in that fire engine lift.
00:06:05Yeah, those were the good old days.
00:06:08Well, I remember saying to you, what were my chances of winning?
00:06:11And I remember you said to me, if you really believed in your poster, and you gave it your all,
00:06:17well, you're not as good a shot as any.
00:06:21And I'll never forget the day the fireman called the winner's name.
00:06:26You won that goddamn contest.
00:06:30And when you were on that lift, waving your trophy to everyone, I felt so ashamed of myself for not
00:06:41having the courage to try.
00:06:44You know, yeah, you actually taught me something for once, and I don't need to learn it twice.
00:06:52Look, there are no guarantees, but I am gonna bust my ass off trying.
00:07:00Damn, that fireman was cute.
00:07:05You know, I'm gonna go ahead and let you get away with that one.
00:07:11Just tonight.
00:07:29It's the door.
00:07:38All right, all right, I'm coming, hold on.
00:07:43Good morning.
00:07:44Good morning.
00:07:46Oh my goodness, twins.
00:07:51And don't we look pretty?
00:07:54What is it they say, double your pleasure?
00:07:58It's good.
00:08:01My name is Brian, I'm your next door neighbor.
00:08:03Hi, Brian.
00:08:04Hi.
00:08:05I was hoping you ladies were a little bit hunkier and on my team.
00:08:09Oh, but what the heck, we'll get along just fine.
00:08:12Now, what are your names?
00:08:14I'm Sherry and this is Jane.
00:08:16What time is it?
00:08:17It's 8 o'clock.
00:08:19It's a pleasure to meet you.
00:08:20Oh, it's 9 o'clock and the pleasure's mine.
00:08:23Well now.
00:08:23Come in.
00:08:31Um, call me crazy, but didn't I see two men in here earlier?
00:08:36Oh, yeah.
00:08:36Huh?
00:08:36Those were the movers.
00:08:38Oh.
00:08:40Well now.
00:08:42Looks like you two have got yourselves a nice little pad here.
00:08:47Yeah, well, we think so.
00:08:49We've been working with it.
00:08:50Oh, I almost forgot.
00:08:52I baked this just for you two.
00:08:53Oh, great.
00:08:55Well, actually, I got it for Christmas, but what the fuck.
00:08:59Thanks.
00:09:02Well, I'm right next door, so just knock if you need anything and let me...
00:09:06Oh, well, thanks for the, uh, fruitcake.
00:09:10Do you know any place we can get a waitressing job around here?
00:09:12Hmm.
00:09:15I think I can help you.
00:09:18If you can put up with all the...
00:09:22Assholes.
00:09:23Okay, ladies.
00:09:24The name of the game here is money, and they're all here to make some, right?
00:09:27So, let me tell you the rules here.
00:09:30First off, you've got to know how to work the road.
00:09:32You scan it.
00:09:33You learn who's who.
00:09:35The regulars, you kiss ass, learn what they want, and you'll never get a bad tip.
00:09:38The tourists, you're one-timers.
00:09:40Tag on a dollar per drink.
00:09:41That's yours to keep, honey.
00:09:43And now, the room.
00:09:45See that group of gentlemen over there with their wives?
00:09:47Bombay martini drinkers, chilled straight up.
00:09:50Never let them hold an empty glass.
00:09:51Off the record, I've slept with three out of four of them, and I don't mean their wives.
00:09:55Big motorcycle boy over there, to your right.
00:10:01Double Jack, straight up, Guinness back.
00:10:04He's a five-dollar drink tipper.
00:10:06Keep him double-fisted at all times.
00:10:08Oh, and here, information.
00:10:09You can catch him every Thursday at Wolf Around's Transvestite Night.
00:10:13Pink panties, pink toenails, pink pumps.
00:10:15The whole works.
00:10:17Man over there, bald.
00:10:19Pina colada drinker.
00:10:21Tip so-so.
00:10:22Oh, and by the way, he's a she, which explains the tip.
00:10:27Well, you'll get the gist.
00:10:31Hey, girl.
00:10:32Love your hair.
00:10:36Oh, mistake.
00:10:38Oh, girl.
00:10:40Now, that'll cost you.
00:10:42Thank you, honey.
00:10:43One for me, and one for you, too.
00:10:46Honey, if you're going to cop a cheap pill, you can't be so damn cheap.
00:10:49Oh, look.
00:10:52Now, that's better.
00:10:53Give me that.
00:10:54Now, work it, girls.
00:11:01So, I said to those girls, you can't be working here for dimes and nickels.
00:11:06Oh, let me tell you, I'm so glad I don't work in that disgusting, bust-your-ass-off business
00:11:12anymore.
00:11:14As a matter of fact, I have my own little business on the side that is going extremely well,
00:11:18thank you.
00:11:19I sell these incredible herbs and vitamins that are just fabulous and will do absolute
00:11:23wonders for your bags.
00:11:24Thanks.
00:11:26Oh.
00:11:29Well, anyway, the night wasn't a total waste.
00:11:35At least not for Jane.
00:11:36She met some guy.
00:11:39He's cute, but a short motherfucker.
00:12:00That was Jane's night.
00:12:02Unfortunately, mine didn't go so well.
00:12:09Well, I probably overreacted, but I didn't know he was my boss.
00:12:17Let's just put it this way, honey.
00:12:19Every time his chubby little wandering hands went near me, I'd make his drink just a little
00:12:23extra special.
00:12:31Loved every last drop of it.
00:12:33Ladies, I don't get mad.
00:12:35I get even.
00:12:36That's deep.
00:12:38Okay, okay, don't panic.
00:12:39We'll figure something out.
00:12:42And why did you get fired?
00:12:44Unfortunately, when you fire one twin, the other one's automatically out.
00:12:48Personally, I'd kill her.
00:12:50Thanks, buddy.
00:12:51Now, let's see.
00:12:52What can we get you two that will...
00:12:54Oh.
00:12:55Oh, have I got a job for you two?
00:12:58Well, actually, I just started with it, but I think the potential to make some money is
00:13:01just astronomical.
00:13:03We're not talking, um, drug dealing or prostitution, are we?
00:13:06Because we're not above that.
00:13:09No.
00:13:10No, what I'm talking about here, ladies, is something you two should consider taking for
00:13:14yourselves.
00:13:15It's called Vitalife.
00:13:17And let me tell you, their products will do wonders for you two.
00:13:20Thanks, I'll take that as a compliment.
00:13:21You don't want to push that shit on us before I, um, will pull a remember.
00:13:25Okay.
00:13:26Suit yourselves.
00:13:31It's healthy for you, anyway.
00:13:35So, what happened with Tiny Tim last night?
00:13:38Oh, nothing really.
00:13:39Went out for a cup of coffee.
00:13:41Good conversation.
00:13:49Nice guy.
00:13:49Nice guy, whatever.
00:13:51Small hands, small feet.
00:13:54Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the rest of that equation.
00:13:58Now, ladies, these.
00:14:01These are something worth wasting your time for.
00:14:06You get dirty underwear.
00:14:13Huge.
00:14:14Huge.
00:14:15I mean, I wasn't regular for a week and a half.
00:14:19Oh, he was fabulous.
00:14:25Where was I?
00:14:27Oh.
00:14:28So, I told Jane, go ahead.
00:14:30Date that cute little boy.
00:14:33Why, honey, you'll have the nicest nails in town.
00:14:37Because God knows you'll be fouling them enough in the sack.
00:14:42Okay, my other option is sitting home Saturday night with my chronically PMSing twin sister.
00:14:48Or a big flaming fairy.
00:14:51Good point.
00:14:54Hey, I got it.
00:14:56Why don't you try waiting tables at that little restaurant?
00:14:59What is it?
00:15:00TJ's.
00:15:01Now, that's probably a little more your speed.
00:15:05I'm going back home today.
00:15:10At Brian's recommendation, we did get that job at TJ's restaurant.
00:15:14And we met our best friend in the whole world.
00:15:17Lovely girl.
00:15:18A real mover and shaker.
00:15:20A real...
00:15:23Sweetheart.
00:15:30Christ, what the hell are you doing?
00:15:32Looking up doctors.
00:15:33Why?
00:15:34I think I need Prozac.
00:15:36You going to let it do this?
00:15:37Well, I tried, but I had no luck.
00:15:39Uh, Louie, table 21 needs more coffee.
00:15:43Right, right, I'll be right there.
00:15:44I mean, Jane and I have done everything we can think of to get an agent.
00:15:47Should've been sleeping with one.
00:15:48Even I consider that.
00:15:50I mean, first we tried going to see these agents.
00:15:52Big mistake.
00:15:53All they said was...
00:15:55Ladies, don't bother us.
00:15:57Send us your pictures.
00:15:58We'll call you if we're interested.
00:16:01So we did.
00:16:02To the tuna 200.
00:16:04No response.
00:16:05Wanna.
00:16:05Except for one.
00:16:06Who basically told us.
00:16:08Twins?
00:16:09You two look nothing alike.
00:16:11Which brings us to plan B.
00:16:13We started auditioning for shows we got through the trade papers.
00:16:16Yeah, well...
00:16:16Take last night, for instance.
00:16:18There I was.
00:16:19Waited two hours for this one.
00:16:21Role was perfect for me.
00:16:23I was to play the miserable bitch.
00:16:27Oh, Heather, darling!
00:16:30Darling, darling, darling!
00:16:33I love you!
00:16:35I love you!
00:16:36But you know I can't possibly play the role.
00:16:40I'm the producer!
00:16:41The director!
00:16:43I'm running the lights!
00:16:45Now, Heather, darling, I'm no actor.
00:16:49No shit.
00:16:51But darling, my love, I...
00:16:54I can't go on without you.
00:16:55Why, my love is like a...
00:16:56Shh!
00:16:58Speak no more.
00:17:00I've waited a long time for this.
00:17:04Now kiss me.
00:17:14It's been so long since we had the special time to chat together.
00:17:20It's been so soothing and comforting for me.
00:17:23I know.
00:17:24Me.
00:17:27You.
00:17:28And this lovely moment together.
00:17:31Yeah, well...
00:17:32Now, kiss me.
00:17:41Over my dead body!
00:17:42Ass breath!
00:17:44Thank you, Sherry.
00:17:45Uh, Howard, can you stick?
00:17:51It was a nightmare.
00:17:53All right, all right, all right!
00:17:54What, have you been here, seven weeks?
00:17:56Christ, what the hell do you expect?
00:17:58Throw, um, hold the coffee cups up.
00:18:01All right, all right, I'll be right there.
00:18:04Guys, ladies, I loved your script.
00:18:08Wonderful, we got Lily's approval.
00:18:09And I think there's a great role in there for me.
00:18:11I was thinking of someone different for the hooker.
00:18:13I wasn't talking about that role.
00:18:15Now, in any case, my new manager, who I've been...
00:18:18Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:18:18You got a manager?
00:18:20Yeah, I got a manager.
00:18:22As of last weekend, and let me tell you, he's awesome.
00:18:25Yeah, but how is he as a manager?
00:18:27Very funny.
00:18:28Now, you two comedians gonna hear me out or not?
00:18:32Good.
00:18:33Now, I'm gonna give my manager a call,
00:18:35have him set up an interview with you two.
00:18:37He'll take a look at your stuff, and, uh, we'll see what happens.
00:18:40Lily, you sure he's gonna listen to you after only a, uh, romp in the hay?
00:18:45I know we will.
00:18:46Wow, Lily, this is, this is really nice of you.
00:18:50It sure is.
00:18:51And, um, um, we're psyched.
00:18:55It's just that, uh, you want to tell her?
00:18:59Uh, what?
00:19:01Uh, Lily, the, uh, they're really waiting.
00:19:04Well, pour the fucking coffee.
00:19:05All right, all right, all right.
00:19:06I was just gonna get right on it.
00:19:08No problem.
00:19:09Anyway, well, just for shits and giggles.
00:19:12We're really banking on trying to get our movie produced.
00:19:15Your movie produced?
00:19:16And, uh, well, directed by Steven Spielstein.
00:19:24Directed by Steven Spielstein?
00:19:27The Steven Spielstein?
00:19:29That's right.
00:19:32Okay.
00:19:34Spielstein, huh?
00:19:37Give me a minute.
00:19:40All right, your movie's great.
00:19:43It could really make us all big.
00:19:44No shit.
00:19:46All right, we need some connections here.
00:19:49Tony's got friends.
00:19:51Producer friends.
00:19:53The whole shit.
00:19:55Ladies, we can do this.
00:19:57We're gonna find this Mr. Steven Spielstein.
00:19:59We're gonna find him, and we're gonna titillate the goddamn motherfucking pants off this Mr. Steven Spielstein.
00:20:20I can't work with you.
00:20:22First of all, the two of you look like Mary Poppins and Mrs. Brady.
00:20:26I couldn't say you for nothing but hosting a romper room.
00:20:29Second, the two of you need a look.
00:20:32Do anything crazy.
00:20:34Cut your hair, dye it, false eyelashes, whatever.
00:20:37But you gotta make my dick hard.
00:20:39Know what I'm talking about?
00:20:40Yeah, I think.
00:20:41Oh, yeah, and you gotta cut some weight.
00:20:42How much?
00:20:4310, 15 pounds?
00:20:45You shit together a month, two?
00:20:47You call me.
00:20:48Oh, yeah.
00:20:49Don't lose your tits.
00:20:51I like your tits.
00:20:54Tony, the model management.
00:20:57I think it was the day we had the sundae together.
00:21:01Shit.
00:21:03I mean, something really, like, clicked.
00:21:05I really got through to them, you know?
00:21:08Fuck, you got a cigarette on ya?
00:21:14Lily's here.
00:21:25Christ, what the hell are you doing?
00:21:27Your manager hated us.
00:21:28He thought we were all wrong for the business.
00:21:33Just a few minor things.
00:21:34Our look.
00:21:35Our clothes.
00:21:36Our thighs.
00:21:37Everything, you name it.
00:21:39Well, now look at you two.
00:21:41You two are pathetic.
00:21:42You're like someone should die.
00:21:45Because one asshole turned you down?
00:21:51You two should be ashamed.
00:21:53Now you, listen to me.
00:21:55Understand this, and understand this well.
00:21:57You are a product in this business.
00:21:59Nothing but a product, and you are selling a product.
00:22:03Take the sundae, for example.
00:22:05Several parts to the sundae, correct?
00:22:07Correct.
00:22:08You got the whipped cream, three balls of ice cream,
00:22:10and, of course, nuts and a cherry.
00:22:14Yeah, well, cherry's missing here.
00:22:16Now, we need to sell this sundae, correct?
00:22:18Correct.
00:22:19So, we put it together real nice.
00:22:21Each of its separate parts make it a perfect whole.
00:22:25You starting to get the picture here?
00:22:26Sort of.
00:22:26Not at all.
00:22:28What I mean is, in order to sell this terrific-looking sundae,
00:22:32each separate part is important in making this a terrific-looking sundae.
00:22:36Capisce?
00:22:39So, for instance, in order to be the actress, the sundae, the product,
00:22:46you must have all the separate parts, the whipped cream, the ice cream, the topping, etc., perfect.
00:22:51Whipped cream?
00:22:52Meaning, your clothes, your hair, your talent, your body, etc., perfect.
00:22:56Look, if your hair looks like shit, well, then, that part of the product is not doing its job, right?
00:23:02And then, you're a little out of shape, and your clothes are all wrong,
00:23:06and you're sending out shitty headshots, and you're not pushing your scripts,
00:23:09well, then, this, this is your goddamn lousy-ass product!
00:23:23Do you want to buy this product?
00:23:25Then how could you expect anyone to want to buy you?
00:23:33Now hurry up and finish.
00:23:39I want to get out of here.
00:23:45Check.
00:23:58It's on!
00:24:00Here we go!
00:24:32I'm sorry.
00:24:33We could not address your screenplay at this time.
00:24:37we are understaffed and are unable to open your submission, please try again at the later
00:24:41pace.
00:24:42However, if you would like to resubmit...
00:24:43Thank you, and we wish you the best of luck.
00:24:48Taking it, I'm tired of Taking it, I'm tired of Taking it, I'm tired of Taking it, I feel
00:24:57I can tell you a joke?
00:24:58Huh?
00:24:59Hey, what's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
00:25:01What?
00:25:0245 pounds.
00:25:03Yeah.
00:25:04Hey, what's the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?
00:25:07What?
00:25:0845 minutes, yeah.
00:25:10That's a good one.
00:25:12Hey, how come you can't tell bankers any secrets?
00:25:15Uh, why?
00:25:16Cause they're tellers, yeah.
00:25:18Gotta remember that one.
00:25:20Hey, how come roosters don't wear underwear?
00:25:22I don't know.
00:25:24Why?
00:25:24Cause they're peckers on their faces.
00:25:27Peckers on their faces.
00:25:30Hey, you guys actresses?
00:25:31We're trying to be.
00:25:32Oh, great, I'm a photographer, I'll make a deal for you.
00:25:34Two for one.
00:25:35Yeah.
00:25:36Yeah.
00:25:36Yeah.
00:25:37Yeah.
00:25:38Yeah.
00:25:39Yeah.
00:25:42Hey, you guys.
00:25:54We're going to show you today.
00:26:03Yeah, we're going to show you later.
00:26:35Now I think I can work with you.
00:26:48Jane, do you think we're sort of selling ourselves out?
00:26:52No, I don't think we've strived that high yet.
00:26:55No, I'm serious. Do you think we're sort of, you know, pushing the sexy babe thing a little?
00:27:01No. No, Lily's right. It's what this business is all about.
00:27:09However, I do think you sell out when it comes to guys, though.
00:27:14What the hell is that supposed to mean?
00:27:16I mean you've dated a couple of doozies since we've been out here.
00:27:19Why, because they're short?
00:27:20No, not because they're short. Because they're losers.
00:27:25Did you just say what I think you said?
00:27:28What the hell is my alternative?
00:27:30Sit home like you and wait for the white knight to sweep me off my feet?
00:27:33Doesn't necessarily have to be white.
00:27:36Well, you're going to be one lonely lady waiting for him.
00:27:42I might be lonely, but I'm not desperate.
00:27:46What did you say?
00:27:48Nothing.
00:27:51No, I heard you.
00:27:53And how dare you make me feel inadequate about my choice of men?
00:27:56Yeah. And how dare you tell me to lower my standards?
00:27:58What, am I not good enough?
00:28:00Never said that.
00:28:01Well, you didn't have to.
00:28:03I'm simply pointing out the obvious.
00:28:06Well, that if you're waiting for Mr. Perfect,
00:28:09well then you better put down your crack pipe.
00:28:12Yeah. And I'm simply pointing out the obvious too.
00:28:14Oh?
00:28:15That you're dating a loser.
00:28:17Well, fuck you.
00:28:20I'm sick of you picking on my...
00:28:23short boyfriends.
00:28:25At least I have one.
00:28:30Just tell him to take his stilts off by the front door.
00:28:33He's scuffing up the floor.
00:28:36You know what I think?
00:28:38I think you're just a little bit jealous.
00:28:40Because he's taking up all of my time.
00:28:43That's what I think.
00:28:45No, you're not my type.
00:28:50I got it.
00:28:51Why don't you deal with your life on your own terms?
00:28:54And I'll deal with my life on mine.
00:28:59Are you saying that we should go our own ways?
00:29:01That's right, kiddo.
00:29:06Well, I don't think I want to do that.
00:29:08Well...
00:29:09I don't think I'd give a rat's ass.
00:29:14Well, that's fine with me.
00:29:15And fine with me too.
00:29:16Fine.
00:29:17Fine.
00:29:18Fine.
00:29:19Well, fine.
00:29:20Yoo-hoo!
00:29:22Ladies!
00:29:23I loved your script.
00:29:25Where's Jane?
00:29:27She's in the shower.
00:29:28You liked it?
00:29:28Yes, I liked it.
00:29:29I loved it.
00:29:30Did you say you two wrote it?
00:29:32Yes, Brian.
00:29:33We did.
00:29:33Well, I'll be a monkey's ass then.
00:29:35Well, now there's a stretch.
00:29:38Hello, ladies.
00:29:39Oh, hey, girls.
00:29:40Hey, Lily.
00:29:40What's going on?
00:29:40I just kicked ass at a diapers commercial audition.
00:29:44Dressed like that?
00:29:46Mm-hmm.
00:29:46What'd you do?
00:29:47Try to convince the casting director you could breastfeed?
00:29:49As a matter of fact, I did.
00:29:51What are you doing?
00:29:52Your mailings.
00:29:53Very good.
00:29:53Very good.
00:29:54Yeah, the usual.
00:29:55Just wasting my time and money.
00:29:57Compromising my already flagging standards.
00:29:58Will you stop it?
00:30:01Here.
00:30:03Sorry, Brian.
00:30:04Oh, that's okay.
00:30:04You can share mine.
00:30:08So, I heard Jane's got a date with a photographer.
00:30:10Yeah, she's getting ready right now.
00:30:12I think this is pretty serious.
00:30:13She's been in there for two hours.
00:30:14Hey, Jane!
00:30:15Banging a photographer, huh?
00:30:17Shut it, Lily!
00:30:18Is he cute?
00:30:19I don't know.
00:30:20All I can see was the top of his head.
00:30:21And especially you!
00:30:23Speaking ahead, how's my manager working out for you?
00:30:25Well, they sent us out on a Twin Men Gum commercial.
00:30:28Going out tonight, everything's all right.
00:30:31And my black drop top looking tight.
00:30:33Storm shine bright, champagne glistening.
00:30:35Sounds of a melody bumping my system.
00:30:37My mission's complete.
00:30:39Tonight be the night, and I'm riding on the solo crease.
00:30:42That's real.
00:30:42Feel what I'm saying?
00:30:44Parlaying as I'm swaying.
00:30:46To the AM with my seat reclined.
00:30:48Rendezvous, buster you, cause it's time to begin.
00:30:51Wheels spinning, I'm rolling.
00:30:52Getting grown in the wind, and I'm coasting,
00:30:54out with corporate ballet.
00:30:56Are you her older sister?
00:30:59Get out of here, kid.
00:31:03We had so much fun.
00:31:04Thanks!
00:31:05Thanks a lot.
00:31:06You guys did a great job.
00:31:09Okay, next we've got Jane and Sherri Williams twins.
00:31:13Jane and...
00:31:17You guys gotta be joking me, right?
00:31:21Shit!
00:31:25Oh?
00:31:26Didn't get the call back.
00:31:28Oh.
00:31:30But I heard you had a big audition yesterday.
00:31:32Oh.
00:31:32So?
00:31:33How'd it go?
00:31:36I don't wanna talk about it.
00:31:37Oh.
00:31:38Okay.
00:31:47He was the only child in this isolated board that was just for patients with AIDS.
00:31:52He had had a bad bout, but he was feeling a lot better.
00:31:55And when I went to pick him up, he wasn't there.
00:31:59I reacted.
00:32:01And I stormed a doorway, looking for wherever anybody's tied up, to not leave.
00:32:08No matter which —
00:32:09I heard his crowd, 101,1.
00:32:31I have been ashamed of what I should have been the other way around.
00:32:44We didn't ask for Big Bird to play the role.
00:32:47Well then I was like that, you have to duck when she turns sideways.
00:32:51Yeah, we're looking for types of say, some of the looks of say Gwyneth Paltrow, Winona Ryder,
00:33:00you know the ingenues, okay? But thanks though.
00:33:05Big Bird, huh? Okay, why don't you take this Big Bird and shove it up your ass?
00:33:10That's where it's most comfortable.
00:33:22I don't want to talk about it.
00:33:30What's the matter with you?
00:33:32Nothing. I don't want to talk about it, okay?
00:33:35Doesn't anybody want to talk about anything?
00:33:37You know Jane, I just got started with this really great therapist.
00:33:41Well, Tony referred him to me, who got it from a friend of his.
00:33:45But anyway, why don't you give him a call?
00:33:47He's really terrific and he's helped out a lot.
00:33:50Yeah, we can see. But give me the number anyway.
00:33:54God knows I can use it.
00:33:56That's not the only one.
00:33:57Look, I don't need a shrink, thank you.
00:33:59Is that up for a vote?
00:34:02Besides, it doesn't take a therapist to figure out that Sherry's been acting like an asshole lately
00:34:06and, um, I bombed yesterday's audition, okay?
00:34:12Alright Jane, well, you know, these things are hard to tell.
00:34:16I mean, sometimes you have a bad audition and you end up booking the role.
00:34:19Or you have a great audition and you never hear from them again.
00:34:22They're crazy, these casting people.
00:34:24That's true, they are.
00:34:25Well, I dated one once. Talk about screaming assholes.
00:34:28Yeah?
00:34:29Yeah. So, go ahead. Tell us what happens.
00:34:32Okay.
00:34:34Alright.
00:34:36There I was.
00:34:37You know, really connecting to my piece on a deep, emotional level.
00:34:44I really prepared myself.
00:34:48And he said it was no Christmas time.
00:34:51And could he come see us?
00:34:54You said no, that he was drunk as usual.
00:34:59He said if he couldn't see his little girl near Christmas time,
00:35:04it wasn't worth living.
00:35:06You said stop threatening when you don't mean it.
00:35:10He said I do mean it.
00:35:13And I'm going to kill...
00:35:18...myself.
00:35:21You believed him enough to hand me the phone, Mama.
00:35:24Mama, you said I'm going to go next door and...
00:35:29...you said you're going next door to call the police...
00:35:33...that you knew where he was.
00:35:37But then you said don't talk to him.
00:35:40Hello?
00:35:42Because he's drunk as usual.
00:35:43No, but I don't want to be fine.
00:35:44And I don't want him talking to you under those circumstances, no telling him what he might say.
00:35:50No, I'm going to drop him off, Francine's, when I get home.
00:35:53So I held onto the phone like you said, Mama.
00:35:56That might be fine too.
00:35:58And I heard him say...
00:36:00Okay, okay.
00:36:01Okay.
00:36:03Um, yeah.
00:36:05Why don't I get the next girl in here?
00:36:06He said, uh...
00:36:08Um, Dane, um, thanks.
00:36:10Can you go ahead and send the next girl in please?
00:36:13Oh, she's pretty.
00:36:20So you think I have a shot at it?
00:36:24You might have a shot at it.
00:36:26Yeah, sure.
00:36:28I don't see why not.
00:36:31What do I know?
00:36:32Yeah.
00:36:34Oh, I'll get that.
00:36:37Hello?
00:36:39Hey, Tony.
00:36:42Yeah, you dirty bastard.
00:36:44Yeah, hold on.
00:36:46Hey, Tony.
00:36:48He liked the script.
00:36:50He loved the script.
00:36:51I told you.
00:36:52A producer.
00:36:54Yeah, yeah.
00:36:55The what hotel?
00:36:57What did you say this, uh...
00:36:59producer's name was?
00:37:02Mr...
00:37:04Slavenport.
00:37:04The producer.
00:37:05Well, he's supposed to meet us in the lounge.
00:37:09Yeah.
00:37:10Uh-huh.
00:37:11I'll call.
00:37:12Hold on.
00:37:14Mr. Slavenport.
00:37:18Yes.
00:37:20You have two more here.
00:37:23Uh-huh.
00:37:26Uh-huh.
00:37:27Uh-huh.
00:37:28The usual.
00:37:31Okay.
00:37:32I'll send them up.
00:37:36He said to take the elevator up to room 410.
00:37:39It's right around the corner.
00:37:43That's right.
00:37:45That's right.
00:37:45My glove for you, honey.
00:37:48It's my dear brother, mother's seat.
00:37:53Hi.
00:37:55I was expecting you.
00:37:56Come here.
00:37:56All right.
00:38:38I'm sorry, I'm Jane, and this is my twin sister, Sherry.
00:38:43We're both actresses and writers, and we wrote on script.
00:38:50We were referred to you by our manager, Tony D'Amato.
00:38:55Yeah, I know.
00:38:56Guy's a scumbag, don't trust him worth shit.
00:39:02Well, the two of us wanted to propose a plan for a film we were hoping you might wanna.
00:39:10Uh, produce.
00:39:13We have it right here, in fact, we were hoping you might wanna take a look at it.
00:39:21You know, whenever you have free time, of course.
00:39:29Did you hand me one of those?
00:39:31Sure.
00:39:35Red, of course.
00:39:47Girls, I don't wanna waste your time.
00:39:51Now take a look at these.
00:39:54Now I helped launch the career of all those beautiful women, but you know what?
00:39:59What?
00:40:00They had to prove they were committed.
00:40:02Committed?
00:40:03Yeah, that's right.
00:40:04Committed.
00:40:05Oh, you have our commitment, believe me.
00:40:07We were afraid you weren't gonna be committed to us.
00:40:09That's right.
00:40:10Girls, I have had too many bad experiences with beautiful, sexy women, such as yourselves,
00:40:18pitching me on similar propositions.
00:40:20You know, they all wanna be stars in one way or another.
00:40:23So I give them a shot, star in one of my movies.
00:40:27And you know what?
00:40:28No.
00:40:28What?
00:40:29They up and they walk out on the deal.
00:40:31Up and walk out?
00:40:31No, no, no, no, no.
00:40:32We'll even draw up a contract and sign it right now.
00:40:35You take Roxanne, for instance.
00:40:37I cast her in the lead in Veronica's Vegas.
00:40:40Good title.
00:40:41Original.
00:40:42So she's on her way.
00:40:44But, she had to commit herself first.
00:40:47Mr. Slavinport.
00:40:48Dick.
00:40:50Dick.
00:40:52Dick, this is our movie we wrote.
00:40:54I mean, we're even trying to get Steven Spiels...
00:40:58Let's just say, a big name director to do this.
00:41:01If you read our proposal, our script, we're 110% committed.
00:41:05Ladies.
00:41:06Bottom line.
00:41:08I need you to prove that you're committed.
00:41:10Now every woman in this business has to.
00:41:13And you are no exception.
00:41:17Do you mind if I help myself?
00:41:20Please.
00:41:37Now where were we?
00:41:39We were talking about commitment.
00:41:41That's right.
00:41:43So we'll draw up a contract.
00:41:45Girls.
00:41:46Let me get straight to the point.
00:41:49Two lovers are bound together.
00:41:53Having proven their commitment to one another.
00:41:55By the simple and pleasurable act of love making.
00:42:02Let a little look here.
00:42:03We don't need to go there, okay?
00:42:05Let's talk figures.
00:42:07Precisely.
00:42:08She means money.
00:42:10Lots and lots of money.
00:42:12Dick.
00:42:13Ladies.
00:42:14I got all the money in the world.
00:42:16I don't need your money.
00:42:18What I need is your commitment.
00:42:22Oh, and trust me.
00:42:23You'll be satisfied.
00:42:27It's a tough choice, but I think we're gonna pass.
00:42:31Yeah.
00:42:55I'll be right back.
00:43:07I thought you'd reconsider.
00:43:08In fact, I did.
00:43:10Huh?
00:43:10Come here, big boy.
00:43:12All right.
00:43:19You're right.
00:43:20I am satisfied.
00:43:21You're right.
00:43:22Hang on.
00:43:24Ooh.
00:43:27Ooh.
00:43:27Yeah, the words in my head.
00:43:30All the things that you said.
00:43:32Ooh.
00:43:43That fucking pig.
00:43:46Yeah, no kidding.
00:43:49What does he think we are, stupid?
00:43:54Fucking idiot.
00:43:56Why isn't he calling me back?
00:44:00You know, I think that dirty bastard is seeing one of his other girls.
00:44:05I don't know. Maybe it's all in my head.
00:44:11That little bitch.
00:44:13Copying a prima donna attitude with me.
00:44:16I believe the seas could disappear
00:44:21Bitch.
00:44:22Or that the sun might never reappear
00:44:30I believe a baby doesn't cry
00:44:34They were stupid enough to come into my motel room.
00:44:38Guy's a prick.
00:44:40But he owe me a favor.
00:44:42Man's got to try.
00:44:43But it ain't some business.
00:44:55Prick.
00:44:58Hey Lily, it's Sherry. How's it going?
00:45:00Hey, you got some time tonight?
00:45:01To meet me at the brass bar?
00:45:04Oh, I don't know.
00:45:07Say, uh, sometime around 7 o'clock?
00:45:107 o'clock.
00:45:11Drinks on me.
00:45:12Yeah.
00:45:13Yeah.
00:45:15Yeah.
00:45:17Hello.
00:45:17Hi.
00:45:25Okay, Lily.
00:45:28Oh, how am I gonna say this?
00:45:31Oh, I hate this shit.
00:45:33I am so pissed off I can barely speak.
00:45:37Okay, Travis.
00:45:38You look me in the eye
00:45:40and you tell me that I didn't see you
00:45:42with the pink pony kissing another boy.
00:45:44Oh, boy, I got something I want to ask you, Jane.
00:45:47One second.
00:45:51Okay, Lily.
00:45:52I'm just gonna come straight out with it.
00:45:54I want to break up with you.
00:45:57Tony's cheating on you.
00:45:59I want to marry you.
00:46:01What?
00:46:03What the hell are you talking about?
00:46:06No.
00:46:08It's Jane, isn't it?
00:46:10Wow.
00:46:11No, no, even she never date that two-timing loser.
00:46:15I mean, no.
00:46:17No, it's not Jane.
00:46:19Look, I stopped by his office the other day,
00:46:22right after he called me.
00:46:28Tony, so sorry.
00:46:31Hi, how are you both?
00:46:33I see you're getting head shots together.
00:46:37Great.
00:46:38Well, I'll just leave my head shut some outside the door.
00:46:44Nice to meet you.
00:46:52Oh, God.
00:46:55I knew it.
00:46:57I just knew it.
00:46:59That good-for-nothing lousy lay that...
00:47:03Bitch.
00:47:03Take you back, huh?
00:47:05The answer is...
00:47:08No.
00:47:09I can't.
00:47:10I want to.
00:47:12Sort of.
00:47:13Maybe.
00:47:14It's just that...
00:47:16I'm sorry.
00:47:17I'm sorry.
00:47:19I'm sorry.
00:47:20I'm sorry.
00:47:31Intoxication's got me under command, and I am crazy, crazy.
00:47:36It's all the same to me.
00:47:41My liberation tests me.
00:47:43A mental patient keeps me sleazy, sleazy
00:47:46It's all the same too
00:47:55I've been waiting for too long
00:47:57It made me crude, it made me rough
00:47:59I don't want no fantasy
00:48:00Dispatches are right next to me
00:48:02So then maybe I'll regret tomorrow
00:48:05Cause I'll just forget
00:48:06Call it tragic selfishness
00:48:08Your empathy, my disrespect
00:48:18Intoxication's got me under command
00:48:20And I am crazy, crazy
00:48:22It's all the same to me
00:48:24To me
00:48:27My liberation testing
00:48:29Emancipation keeps me sleazy, sleazy
00:48:33It's all the same too
00:48:42I've been waiting for too long
00:48:43It made me crude, it made me wrong
00:48:45I don't want no fantasy
00:48:47Dispatches are right next to me
00:48:49So then maybe I'll regret tomorrow
00:48:51Cause I'll just forget
00:48:52Call it tragic selfishness
00:48:54Your empathy, my disrespect
00:49:18Intoxication's got me under command
00:49:20And I am crazy, crazy
00:49:22It's all the same too
00:49:28Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
00:49:31Life you waited for too long
00:49:33It made me crude, it made me rough
00:49:35But I don't want no fantasy
00:49:37What?
00:49:38You sent Playboy that picture?
00:49:42Yeah
00:49:46For the W, your pleasure
00:49:48Twin issue
00:49:50Yeah, the twin issue, yeah
00:49:54And let me get this straight
00:49:56We have an appointment right after work
00:50:01That's right
00:50:06Oh, this is wonderful
00:50:10Knock it off, Junior
00:50:12Hi, what can I get you folks?
00:50:14Yeah, let me get two cokes and four waters
00:50:16I'll take a white Zimfandale
00:50:17Oh, and making $30 a lunch is better
00:50:20I'm sorry, was that a coke or a seven-hour?
00:50:22I said a white Zimfandale
00:50:24Should've guessed
00:50:26I don't know
00:50:27Our friends and family seeing us rub asses together
00:50:30Just doesn't quite sit well with me
00:50:33I'm sorry, what did you sit?
00:50:35Two cokes and four waters
00:50:37Our refill's for free
00:50:39Put it out, Patsy
00:50:43I didn't say we'd take the job
00:50:45I just thought it might help us break into
00:50:47Well, if you haven't noticed
00:50:49Our non-existing acting careers
00:50:50Oh, come on
00:50:51Now that's retarded
00:50:58It's real smooth, Sherry
00:51:04Real fucking smooth
00:51:07You wanted a what?
00:51:08I said her refill's for free
00:51:11Stop it, Maggie
00:51:12Fucking unbelievable
00:51:13Uh, and?
00:51:15No, not you
00:51:15No, that's brilliant Einstein
00:51:17And while we're at it
00:51:18Why don't we hook ourselves
00:51:19To keep a roof over our heads?
00:51:21Come
00:51:22What is wrong with this bitch?
00:51:24I told you I asked not to come to this white shop
00:51:26You should've gone to Roscoe
00:51:27That's what I'm saying
00:51:28That's what I'm saying
00:51:30Stop it, Maggie
00:51:31I told y'all
00:51:31Well, man, y'all said y'all want our teeth
00:51:33That's Eric's fault
00:51:35Okay, Sherry
00:51:36At the fine rate we're going
00:51:38We'll be slinging burgers
00:51:39For the next 20 years
00:51:40Now, what the hell do you want already?
00:51:46Honey!
00:51:47Honey!
00:51:50Honey!
00:51:52Honey!
00:51:57Honey!
00:52:00Terrific!
00:52:01You go your way
00:52:02And I'll go mine
00:52:04Oh, I miss her playboy appointment
00:52:06Yeah, and fuck you, too
00:52:08Love
00:52:11Love is what comes to mind
00:52:12When I think of those two
00:52:14Oh, they can be stupid at times
00:52:18But I love those girls
00:52:23I love them
00:52:25I love them! I love them!
00:52:27I love you!
00:52:29I love you!
00:52:32I love you!
00:52:55And palms have a face like you. Sorry but we're out of understanding here, but if you're looking for a
00:52:59box of beer, that's settling fast, want your dry little mish? Well 24 give it an inch.
00:53:03I'm tired of Takin' it. I'm tired of Takin' it. I'm tired of Takin' it. I'm tired of Takin' it.
00:53:14I feel like, feel like breakin' it.
00:53:21So, after they were fired, I couldn't stay at TJ's without my best friends.
00:53:26So Sherry and I got a job at this place called Tony's Topless.
00:53:30Well, we didn't go topless.
00:53:32We wore these...
00:53:34Well, it was good money anyway.
00:53:36Jane, well, she ended up at this joint called Domino's Deli.
00:53:42Excellent burgers.
00:53:46And remember, the customer gets anything they want, okay?
00:53:51Right, of course.
00:53:53Now, here's our breakfast menu.
00:53:57Just breakfast?
00:53:58We also have a separate menu for lunch and one for dinner, all of which have to be memorized, okay?
00:54:03Of course.
00:54:04Now, make sure you ask the following ten questions with each egg order.
00:54:08It's on the test.
00:54:10Test?
00:54:11How would you like your eggs?
00:54:12Whole leg or white only, one, two, and three, a combo, wet or dry.
00:54:15What kind of toast would you like?
00:54:16White wheat, seven-grade pepper, nickel, rye, marble, raisin, challah, english, weapon, or bagel.
00:54:20Would you like cream cheese, butter, peanut butter, or jam?
00:54:22Would you like potatoes, tomatoes, or powdered cheese?
00:54:24And if potatoes, mashed, baked, or fried.
00:54:26Would you like fresh and squeezed juice with that?
00:54:28Orange juice or grape, which is small or large?
00:54:30Coffee, tea with skimmed milk or cream?
00:54:32I think that was 11.
00:54:33Oh, and you don't have to worry about the sugar choices.
00:54:35It's on the table.
00:54:36We just got set.
00:54:37Let's go.
00:54:39Hi, you have Team Marianne working with you today.
00:54:42What can I get you folks?
00:54:44I'll take a cheese almond.
00:54:46Great.
00:54:46One, two, or three eggs?
00:54:47Two.
00:54:48Cheddar, Swiss, American, provolone, blue, ricotta, farmer, parmesan, brie, mozzarella, or jack?
00:54:52Cheddar.
00:54:53Whole egg or white only?
00:54:55Whole.
00:54:55Pancake style or closed?
00:54:57Closed.
00:54:57Well or runny?
00:54:58Runny.
00:54:59How about toast?
00:55:00White wheat, seven-grade pepper, nickel, rye, marble, raisin, akalah, english, ribbon, or bagel?
00:55:04Bagel.
00:55:04Oh.
00:55:05Plain water, egg, raisin, raisin, cinnamon, wheat, poppy seed, blueberry, or everything?
00:55:09Poppy seed.
00:55:09Cream cheese, butter, peanut butter, or jam?
00:55:11Uh, butter.
00:55:12On it or on the side?
00:55:13On the side, I guess.
00:55:14Great.
00:55:15Cottage cheese, potatoes, or tomatoes?
00:55:17Potatoes.
00:55:17Mashed, baked, or fried?
00:55:18Fried.
00:55:19Would you like freshly squeezed orange juice or gray fridges?
00:55:20O.J.
00:55:21Large or small?
00:55:22Small.
00:55:22Ice or no ice?
00:55:23No ice.
00:55:24Coffee, tea?
00:55:25Coffee.
00:55:25Regular milk or?
00:55:26Black.
00:55:26Ice or no ice?
00:55:27Hot.
00:55:28Great.
00:55:29And how about you?
00:55:31I'd like a turkey club sandwich, hon.
00:55:32But could I get May on the side?
00:55:34We can get you whatever you want.
00:55:38Be right back.
00:55:43Okay, Jane.
00:55:44Now here's our computer.
00:55:47Get stuck sometimes.
00:55:50Okay.
00:55:51Now, first we put our card through.
00:55:54Then press number one.
00:55:56Now enter once, press five.
00:55:58Enter twice, press seven.
00:55:59Enter once, press three.
00:55:59No, wait.
00:56:00Two seconds.
00:56:01Then press six.
00:56:03Now enter twice, key up, arrow over, then print three, then hit one, then key up, arrow over,
00:56:07then again, then print ticket, okay?
00:56:09We just got sat.
00:56:10Here we go.
00:56:22Johnny, or the waiter, went home six, so you're filling in for him.
00:56:26Consider this, consider this, your test.
00:56:37Hi.
00:56:39Uh, what can I get you?
00:56:41Can I get a BLT, leave the lettuce and tomato, and can you add chicken, please?
00:56:45We can get you whatever you want.
00:56:53Uh, are you going to go take Table 21's order, or should they go to the kitchen and fend for
00:57:00themselves?
00:57:04Miss, more coffee?
00:57:06Mother will have the hamburger.
00:57:08Medium.
00:57:09Better make it rare so we can get out of here sometime today.
00:57:12Can I espresso, please?
00:57:13Before I fall asleep?
00:57:15Honey, we're not dealing with a rocket scientist.
00:57:17I'm so un po' stupid, at least, huh?
00:57:19Ma'am, my kid don't like his burger.
00:57:21It's cooked too well.
00:57:23It tastes like shit.
00:57:25You eat it.
00:57:26Bitch, is there a charge for this extra cheese?
00:57:29I asked sooner.
00:57:40It's a hamburger.
00:57:42It's in my food.
00:57:43You eat the goddamn food before Christmas.
00:57:46Okay.
00:57:55Don't you try to tell me how your baby up and left you
00:57:59When you thought that she would never, ever roam?
00:58:03Don't you try to tell me about the plans that you were making
00:58:07When you thought that she was yours and yours alone?
00:58:11Don't sigh, don't you moan.
00:58:14Don't cry, don't you groan.
00:58:16Don't look so darn sad.
00:58:18It's just too darn bad.
00:58:19I can still remember not so very long ago
00:58:23When all your loving belonged to me.
00:58:27And if you recall it wasn't very long ago
00:58:31That you had told me I had better set you free
00:58:35But I'd get near you
00:58:38But baby, I'd get near you
00:58:40But I'd get near you
00:58:44Jane.
00:58:47You awake?
00:58:49Now I am.
00:58:51Sorry.
00:58:58Jane.
00:59:02Huh?
00:59:07Nothing.
00:59:15Jane.
00:59:20What?
00:59:22Do you remember we were little and we couldn't sleep at night?
00:59:24Mom would let us sleep with her for a couple hours.
00:59:27Oh no.
00:59:28Do you mind moving over?
00:59:29Making a little room for me in your bed?
00:59:31I'd prefer if you didn't.
00:59:32Oh come on.
00:59:34Move over.
00:59:36I'm a little uncomfortable with this.
00:59:38Really, don't bother my camp.
00:59:40Oh be quiet.
00:59:41Move over.
00:59:43I just want to apologize.
00:59:45Come on.
00:59:46Give me a hug.
00:59:47My handshake would do just fine.
00:59:49I'll be quiet.
00:59:50Give me a hug.
00:59:54People let me tell you about my best friend.
00:59:58Okay, I'm good with this.
00:59:59Okay, well.
01:00:01Sorry about acting like such a jerk lately.
01:00:03Now there's an understatement.
01:00:05Now you weren't exactly a bowl of cherries either.
01:00:07Nah.
01:00:09I guess I wasn't.
01:00:10You pissed I walked off the job?
01:00:13No.
01:00:14You would have been fired eventually.
01:00:18Thanks.
01:00:19I'm sorry about the fight the other day.
01:00:21Which one?
01:00:23You know.
01:00:24Shorty.
01:00:26At least you'll always wear comfortable shoes.
01:00:34It's not that funny.
01:00:37No, no, not that.
01:00:40I just can't believe it.
01:00:43And no more scholarship to law school.
01:00:48And I had a full scholarship too.
01:00:53And we gave it all up just for a shot in the dark.
01:00:59What was that lame story you were telling me about?
01:01:02Which one?
01:01:02Which one?
01:01:03About the fire engine lift.
01:01:09That little red fire engine that could.
01:01:18Christ, that was stupid.
01:01:20What the hell were we thinking?
01:01:23I don't know.
01:01:24We threw it all away.
01:01:34I saw your light on it.
01:01:39Okay.
01:01:42This is a little weird.
01:01:46Even for my taste.
01:02:07Oh, I'm sorry.
01:02:09I didn't mean to frighten you.
01:02:10I just happened to notice
01:02:11that you were doing the exercising properly.
01:02:14I was?
01:02:16Yes, actually, you were.
01:02:18Do you mind if I show you?
01:02:20No.
01:02:22No, of course not.
01:02:23Let me show you.
01:02:24You mind?
01:02:37See the difference now?
01:02:39Why don't you put your hands across my chest?
01:02:42See if you can feel the difference.
01:02:44Me?
01:02:48Okay.
01:02:52Right here.
01:02:54Right there.
01:02:56Do you feel it now?
01:03:00Not yet.
01:03:04Keep going.
01:03:11Okay, I'm starting to feel it now.
01:03:15Wait.
01:03:17Come here.
01:03:23Let me level with you.
01:03:25This whole thing was just a lame excuse
01:03:27to get to talk to you.
01:03:29Talk to me?
01:03:30Yes.
01:03:32I've been watching you.
01:03:34You're kidding.
01:03:36No.
01:03:37I'm dead serious.
01:03:38I've been watching you for a while.
01:03:41Watching me for a while?
01:03:42Uh-huh.
01:03:43This is unbelievable.
01:03:45I can pinch myself.
01:03:47You've been watching me.
01:03:50I've been watching you.
01:03:51You have no idea.
01:03:54Since the day I laid my eyes on you, I...
01:03:59Oh, no, wait.
01:04:01How do you know you weren't watching her?
01:04:03Who?
01:04:04Her, her.
01:04:05My twin sister.
01:04:07Oh, no.
01:04:07Cute, isn't she?
01:04:09She always did get off at home.
01:04:12This is you I want.
01:04:16Come here.
01:04:18Kiss me.
01:04:28Now, are you coming yet?
01:04:32Well, not exactly.
01:04:34What do you mean, not exactly?
01:04:36Are you coming yet or not?
01:04:38Huh?
01:04:38Are you coming or not?
01:04:39Come on.
01:04:40Let's go.
01:04:41Move it out.
01:04:42Anthony Robbins.
01:05:05This is really distracting.
01:05:07Let me get rid of them.
01:05:09All right, all right.
01:05:10I'll be right there.
01:05:12Give me a second.
01:05:15It took you so long.
01:05:17Do you have the help on it, section?
01:05:19Yeah, come in.
01:05:20It's on the table.
01:05:22Baby, we got company.
01:05:23Put some shorts on.
01:05:36What the hell was that?
01:05:39What the hell is going on?
01:05:42What the hell is going on?
01:05:55Please tell me, Mama, things get easier.
01:05:59When will I breathe easier?
01:06:03Please tell me Mama's song gets hard again.
01:06:06When will I know my friends again
01:06:11How old must I get before I'm walking innocent again
01:06:18But I can't take much more of this
01:06:30I'm being picked up by my tail
01:06:35With your ear but to no avail
01:06:39I'm being parted like some prayers
01:06:43I'm scary but captured every day
01:06:47I won't most I get before I'm walking innocent again
01:06:50Hello everybody
01:06:51I would like you to meet my two very best friends in the whole world
01:06:56Sherry and Jane
01:06:58Welcome, welcome
01:07:01Sherry and Jane
01:07:03Welcome to the Vital Life family
01:07:31Welcome to the Vital Life
01:07:33We are very proud to have you aboard
01:07:36Okay, before we begin
01:07:38We'd like to get all psyched up
01:07:40And hear about this month's champions
01:07:43Malik
01:07:45Hi, my name is Malik
01:07:48My sales are up $1,000 this month
01:07:52I love you America
01:07:55I love you America
01:07:56Thank you, thank you
01:08:00Hey, I'm Matt
01:08:05I don't think I've lost any weight
01:08:07But it's the best fucking high I've ever had
01:08:14Hi, I'm Bobby
01:08:16I lost 14 pounds in 15 minutes
01:08:23And I've never been more energetic in my life
01:08:27I love you America
01:08:28You said
01:08:30You said you just
01:08:31You just wanna do what's right
01:08:33We'll get it on
01:08:36You said
01:08:37You only wanna dance all night
01:08:40Well, come along
01:08:43Ain't nobody gonna stop
01:08:45Your moving to the beat
01:08:47Nobody will want you
01:08:49For better than you'll see
01:08:50If you got a feeling
01:08:52Pop it through the ceiling
01:08:54Cause dancing's just a measure
01:08:56A response to what you're feeling
01:08:58I'm amazing
01:08:59I'm doing fantastic
01:09:02You know, when David Koresh went down
01:09:05And all, I didn't know what I was gonna do
01:09:07But I got me a new family
01:09:09My vital life family
01:09:11Yeah
01:09:12Yeah
01:09:14Are you ready, everybody?
01:09:15Yeah
01:09:16All right
01:09:16Who are we?
01:09:18We're vital life
01:09:19What do we thrive on?
01:09:20What?
01:09:21What's it to me?
01:09:22It's vital
01:09:22Yeah
01:09:23It's vital
01:09:23Yeah
01:09:24Who are we?
01:09:27We're vital life
01:09:27What do we thrive on?
01:09:29Right
01:09:29What's it to me?
01:09:30It's vital
01:09:31South to your husband
01:09:32What?
01:09:33Yeah
01:09:33What do we thrive on?
01:09:35Yeah
01:09:35What's it to me?
01:09:36It's vital
01:09:37South to your husband
01:09:38Where are we?
01:09:40We're vital life
01:09:41What do we thrive on?
01:09:56Read aloud
01:09:57Use inflection when needed
01:10:01Brand new themed restaurant opening called Live
01:10:03Needed top waitresses, bartenders, hostesses and runners
01:10:06Owned in part by Brooke and company
01:10:09And director mogul
01:10:10Steven Spielstein?
01:10:12Spielstein's opening up a restaurant?
01:10:14You're kidding
01:10:14Jane
01:10:15Your interview's at 3 p.m. sharp today
01:10:17Sherry, 3.30
01:10:18Don't be late
01:10:19My interview's in a half hour
01:10:21Get yourselves ready
01:10:23And don't fuck this up
01:10:30She's the best
01:10:36So
01:10:37There we were
01:10:38The night we got hired
01:10:40Three of us acting like a bunch of fucking morons
01:10:44You know, you really don't need to sit down
01:10:47A little short in the poor cowboy
01:10:48You know what?
01:10:50I'm gonna make a toast
01:10:53Easy, big guy
01:10:55Alright, I'm making a toast
01:10:58All right, to my best friends
01:11:00A friendship based on kindness and trust and love
01:11:06A friendship I'll always cherish
01:11:09And to me
01:11:10Who finally got us a fucking shot at meeting this Spielstein
01:11:14Katie, get out!
01:11:15Come on, girl
01:11:19That's the game, sweetie
01:11:22So
01:11:23Shortly after that hangover
01:11:25We started our training at Live
01:11:28Spielstein's new restaurant
01:11:30We worked our asses off getting ready for opening night
01:11:33The night we meet this guy
01:11:36We were fucking psyched
01:11:38Dear Lord
01:11:40As you know
01:11:41We've been busting our asses trying to get our shit together to meet this Mr. Spielstein
01:11:45Please, dear God
01:11:47Understand that we've been working long and hard
01:11:51Speaking of which
01:11:52God forgive me for my affair with Tony Jesus, his poor wife
01:11:55Lily, will you get to the point here?
01:11:57Right
01:11:59Where was I?
01:12:00Working hard
01:12:01Right
01:12:03God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
01:12:06The courage to change the things we can
01:12:08And the wisdom to know what to get the hell out of this goddamn business
01:12:11Amen
01:12:12Amen
01:12:13Amen
01:12:15God help us
01:12:17Let's go
01:12:20Hold your head up
01:12:23You're a king
01:12:30guitar solo
01:12:41guitar solo
01:13:16guitar solo
01:13:39guitar solo
01:13:52guitar solo
01:14:00Oh, thank you.
01:14:01I've got it.
01:14:02No, no, no, I've got it.
01:14:04I know it's my job.
01:14:05I've got it.
01:14:06It's a word, I've got it.
01:14:07No, no, I've got it.
01:14:08I'm fine.
01:14:09No, no, I've got it.
01:14:09No, I...
01:14:23Just give me a little atomic bomb.
01:14:35Not too much, just a little atomic bomb.
01:14:45So I can breathe a little deeper, so I can taste a little sweeter.
01:14:57I've had enough, pass the cup, a shallow grave for winter's day.
01:15:08So send me one before someone else does.
01:15:23Just give me a little atomic bomb.
01:15:46Just give me a little atomic bomb.
01:15:58Just give me a little atomic bomb.
01:16:03I know.
01:16:13I know.
01:16:22So much for your fire engine theory.
01:16:24Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.
01:16:28There's always the peace car.
01:16:34I guess I'll say yes to Sam.
01:16:36Hmm?
01:16:39Nothing.
01:16:43I don't want it.
01:16:47Lousy script.
01:16:51I thought I knew you
01:16:55And understood
01:16:57Friends
01:16:58Friends are cold
01:17:04Now I am torn
01:17:07Gave roses
01:17:08You gave thorns
01:17:10Sister, goodbye
01:17:12Goodbye
01:17:17I needed you
01:17:20Believed in you
01:17:22I
01:17:23I'm at a loss
01:17:26Who can I count on?
01:17:32You were here and now you're gone
01:17:35Sister, goodbye
01:17:37Goodbye
01:17:41I forgive you
01:17:44It's only a bar
01:17:55Dr. Williams, due to emergency
01:17:57Dr. Williams, due to emergency
01:17:59I've had to see you
01:18:16Oh great
01:18:18Oh fucking great
01:18:21Who wrote this?
01:18:23Who wrote it?
01:18:25Yeah
01:18:26That's your name?
01:18:26Is he going to risk for you?
01:18:27Is he going to risk for you?
01:18:28Uh, he's going to risk for you
01:18:28Oh great
01:18:28Oh fucking great
01:18:28There's no name on it.
01:18:31No goddamn fucking name.
01:18:42Oh, shit.
01:19:03Let's take a drive tonight.
01:19:08We'll buy a pack of cigarettes and drink all night.
01:19:19Let's take a trip tonight
01:19:24Into a psychedelic morning beneath the California sky
01:19:32To the ocean, deep and blue
01:19:39To the ocean, just me and you
01:19:50Let's take a drive tonight
01:19:55Down a breezy highway
01:19:59And feel alright
01:20:02That's right
01:20:06Let's take a trip tonight
01:20:11We are to oblivion
01:20:14We are to oblivion
01:20:15Until we see...
01:20:17So that's the whole story.
01:20:20And since my divorce...
01:20:22Well, I'm much happier now.
01:20:24The two of us are a lot closer again.
01:20:26And now that I'm back, I have a whole new perspective on life.
01:20:29I know what's important to me.
01:20:31Oh, and, uh...
01:20:33Doc, I don't think I'm gonna need any more medication.
01:20:35How about you?
01:20:37No, I'm feeling pretty good.
01:20:39I think that'd be my last prescription, too.
01:20:41Oh, excuse me, Doc.
01:20:43Is that you?
01:20:45Hello?
01:20:46Not mine.
01:20:46Yes, this is Jane.
01:20:49Yeah, the two of us wrote a screenplay.
01:20:51Yeah.
01:20:54I'm sorry, Lily from the Weinberg Agency sent you what?
01:20:58She did.
01:21:02I'm sorry.
01:21:03This is who?
01:21:07Oh, God.
01:21:10Who is it?
01:21:11Oh, God.
01:21:12I am so sorry about your...
01:21:15I'm still having nightmares about it.
01:21:17I mean, is this everything working okay?
01:21:20And, uh...
01:21:21You know.
01:21:22Who is it?
01:21:23It's, uh...
01:21:26It's, uh...
01:21:28It's Stephen.
01:21:50Let's take a drive tonight.
01:21:55We'll buy a pack of cigarettes
01:21:59And drink all night.
01:22:05Let's take a trip tonight
01:22:10Into a psychedelic morning
01:22:14Beneath the California sky
01:22:18To the ocean
01:22:21Just you and I
01:22:24You and I
01:22:26Just you and I
01:22:28Just you and I
01:22:31Just you and I
01:22:33Just you and I
01:22:35Just you and I
01:22:37Just you and I
01:22:38Just you and I
01:22:40Just you and I
01:22:40Just you and I
01:22:41Yeah
01:22:41You and I
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