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00:03¡Garfield and Friends!
00:48¡Garfield and Friends!
00:54The longest running show on this channel except for the news which is unfortunately funnier.
01:07Years ago, the oceans were menaced by seagoing criminals known as pirates.
01:12Men like Jean Lafitte, scourge of New Orleans.
01:16Henry Morgan, menace of the West Indies.
01:18Or Stingy Mendelsohn, producer of this show.
01:21But perhaps none have been as evil as the one who sailed in 1891 under the name of the Jelly
01:28Roger.
01:32Aargh! Friggas at three o'clock, mates! Swab the desk and prepare for boarding!
01:38What?
01:39Prepare for boarding! Prepare for boarding!
01:41All day he plundered other ships of their riches and mostly food.
01:47Drop anchor! Drop anchor!
01:50Drop anchor! I command you!
01:57Raise anchor! Raise anchor!
02:02Polly wants an aspirin! Oh boy, what a headache!
02:08No one knows for certain what became of him.
02:10But over the years, his descendants have continued the family tradition of piracy, mostly as TV repairmen.
02:18Aye, matey! You need a new picture tube!
02:22One day, he was on a roof installing a satellite dish so that Mrs. Conigliaro could watch the all-gargling
02:29channel when he lost his footing.
02:31Yo-ho-ho!
02:36He wasn't hurt, but the fall knocked him somewhere back in time, back to his ancestors' calling.
02:42I must return to the sea!
02:46Return to the sea! Return to the sea!
02:49This, then, is the story of how 19th century piracy was reborn in this day and age.
02:56This is...
02:58The Garfield Crime File!
03:02Here is the story of this dangerous pirate and how he was brought to justice by a handsome and crafty
03:08cat.
03:09Cue the flashback.
03:11Our story starts at the local pier where yacht owners keep their private ships, including this new boat owner, John
03:18Arbuckle.
03:19I can't wait to see the yacht I bought through that classified ad!
03:22This sounds painful.
03:24What?
03:25The ship I bought should be around here. Slip 13A.
03:30There it is!
03:31And wow!
03:33What a ship!
03:35It's mine!
03:36All mine!
03:37Yep!
03:39Guess the beautiful women will be flocking to Slip 13A for boat rides now!
03:4413A?
03:45Uh, that's 13B you're looking at, Sonny!
03:4813A's over there!
03:55I'm shocked this boat is... is... is... is...
03:57The word you're looking for is floating.
04:00But it's my boat, and I'm going to sail it!
04:02I don't care if it is a little...
04:05You got it wrong!
04:07The captain's supposed to go down with the ship, not before it!
04:10In the meantime, other sailors in more seaworthy crafts had their own problems.
04:18Aye mateys!
04:20Hand over your gold doubloons and pieces of eight, or I'll see you in Davey Jones' locker!
04:26Ha!
04:26Fork it over!
04:27Ha!
04:29It's... it's...
04:30It's the man that fixed my TV set!
04:32Yes, it was a pirate.
04:35The Jelly Roger was sailing again, robbing everyone afloat.
04:38But we have no gold doubloons or pieces of eight.
04:42Ha!
04:43In that case, fork over all your grub, you scurvy, fiddled rats!
04:49Give us the food!
04:50Give us the food!
04:51And so, the pirate went on a rampage.
04:55He had not only inherited his ancestors' occupation, but his appetite as well.
05:00Reports were phoned in to the Coast Guard, who reacted, eh, about as you'd expect.
05:04Coast Guard.
05:06Pirate, huh?
05:07Right.
05:07You don't want us.
05:09You want to call Peter Pan.
05:11Right.
05:13Nineteenth one today.
05:15Some people.
05:17Soon, the Jelly Roger had looted every ship for miles around, with one exception.
05:23Well, there's a landlubber if ever I seen one!
05:28Let's go!
05:29Let's go!
05:30According to the manual, if I pull this line, the sail should go up.
05:35Not a chance.
05:39Told ya.
05:42Come on, Pupster.
05:44Let's let Popeye here figure this one out.
05:48No, I had it wrong.
05:50The sail will go up when I pull this rope.
05:54I'm getting closer.
05:58Looks like John packed a light lunch.
06:02Huh?
06:03Hey, with me, anything you can carry without a forklift is a light lunch.
06:09John's meatloaf.
06:10I should've known.
06:12One of these must raise the sail.
06:14You there!
06:15Can you tell me how to raise the sails?
06:17No, but I can tell you how to raise your hands.
06:21Reach for the yard arm.
06:24Yes, sir, captain.
06:26Give me all your food.
06:28Did you hear someone say, gimme all your food?
06:31I thought I had that line copyrighted.
06:35No, stop, please, Mr. Pirate.
06:37I'm sorry.
06:38Help!
06:39You'll walk the flag for this, matey.
06:43¿ Florida?
06:46Don't worry, pup.
06:47I think I know how to save first mate Gilligan there.
06:50You'll be shark food
06:52when I get finished with you.
06:54No, please.
06:55Help.
06:56Here, from the looks of you, this is all you really want.
06:59Food.
07:00That's what I come for.
07:04I did it.
07:05I got all the food
07:07in the harbor I need.
07:10Not quite.
07:13¡A sándwich!
07:16¡Gracias a la mierda!
07:18¡J.P. Jones Locker!
07:23¡Garfield,
07:23¡gete el sándwich!
07:24Ok,
07:26pero se le desiste,
07:27es uno de tus especiales.
07:30¡Bye, bye!
07:35Mi sándwich...
07:37¡Lo lo desiste!
07:38Ahora vengo a que muchos de nosotros
07:40piensan después de comer.
07:43Y así,
07:45el último pirate fue
07:46a la justicia de la carne
07:48que se llevó a la superficie.
07:50Se convicta de piracidad
07:52en la high seas,
07:53pero se promete
07:55a hacer honest trabajo
07:56cuando estén.
07:57Me voy a ir de la casa.
08:00¡Sé�!
08:01Y así ha dicho,
08:03otra página en
08:04El Garfield Crime File.
08:07So, be with us next time when we go after the guy who invented infomercials.
08:12Now there's a dangerous criminal.
08:22John Soda Pop
08:33Aha! He thinks I'm going to open this and spray Soda Pop in my face.
08:38Well, we'll just see who has the last laugh.
08:44Aha!
08:55Uh, Roy, what is the reason for all this frenzy?
08:59The weasel has stolen some chickens!
09:02Uh, oh, a fine reason for panic, if I do say so myself.
09:08The weasel has stolen some chickens?
09:11Yeah, the weasel has stolen some chickens.
09:14Come back with those chickens, weasel!
09:16Time to scram.
09:20The pig's gaining on me.
09:22I gotta find a way to get away.
09:28Come on! Come on already!
09:32Detour?
09:33Hey, I don't care which way I go, just so long as I get out of here.
09:42Hey, I don't remember this road before.
09:46Weasel Tunnel?
09:47Well, okay.
09:50You'd think they'd install some logs in these things.
09:53Hey, this is kind of a sudden steep hill in here.
10:01Hey, who took my chickens?
10:04Weasel, someone of your caliber should go far.
10:13All safe, ladies.
10:15Where's the weasel gonna land, Roy?
10:17According to this, I used enough power to send him all the way to Channel 56.
10:21He should land somewhere in a Gilligan's Island rerun.
10:24Even the weasel doesn't deserve that.
10:26What an ordeal.
10:30Having a bad day, Bunky?
10:33Hey, what are you sellin'?
10:36Inspiration, cousin.
10:37I'm a motivational speaker.
10:39I can inspire anyone to success.
10:43Hiya, Bunky.
10:46You say you jump out of a plane at 30,000 feet
10:49And the skydiving instructor's yelling,
10:52Where's my knapsack?
10:54And you got sealed in a biosphere for three months
10:57With 16 skunks
10:59And a fast-talking insurance man from Ohio
11:03And no matter where you go
11:05You keep seeing Elvis
11:06Is that what's got you feeling
11:08You're about to go pop, weasel?
11:12Well, lift your head up high
11:14And take a walk in the sun
11:15With that fortitude and determination
11:17That you'll show them what you're made of
11:19And if they don't like it
11:21Tell them you're made of something else
11:22Remember, a bird in hand
11:27Can be very unsanitary
11:29You're right, pal
11:31I'm not gonna let anything stop me this time
11:34The nerve of that weasel
11:36Trying to steal half our chickens
11:38Fortunately, the weasel isn't very determined
11:42I don't understand this
11:43He never...
11:44Oh, never mind that now
11:45He's coming this way
11:46Get in a position to stop him
11:48This is great
11:49I feel so inspired and motivated
11:52Here he comes
11:53He can't get by us
11:57Are any more untrue statements of fact?
12:00Here you go
12:01Come on, we gotta stop him
12:03I am so very glad
12:05I am so very glad
12:05The we-we-we-we-d-w person
12:08Is gone
12:09As I still tremble
12:10Whenever I see that
12:11One-sized duck
12:14The weasel's faster than ever
12:17We'll never catch that weasel
12:20What-what-what got into him?
12:23I wish I knew
12:25I...
12:25Who are you?
12:27I am the feline philosopher
12:29Could I interest you gentlemen
12:31In a motivational speech?
12:33Oh, nothing personal
12:34But we don't have time for...
12:35Oh, let's listen to him, Horace
12:38We could use a good kickstart
12:40Proceed!
12:41Thank you, cousins
12:44Hey there, ham and eggs
12:46You say you planted the whole North Forty with birdseed
12:50And grew ninety-seven acres of pigeons
12:53And you tried making margarine in the butter churn
12:57And got a polyunsaturated backache
13:00And the cow's been so nervous lately
13:03She's been giving milkshakes
13:05And you just found out
13:07You have a library book that's overdue
13:10Someone took it out when Eisenhower was president
13:14And your girlfriend just eloped with the scarecrow
13:18She says he dresses better than you do
13:20Is that what's got you putting in for a transfer
13:24To a Disney show, boobie?
13:27Well, lift your head up high
13:28And take a wallow in the butt
13:30So what if this cartoon isn't going your way?
13:33At least it doesn't guest star the bunny bears again
13:36Remember, he who laughs last
13:41Does not get the joke
13:44I suddenly feel motivated, Roy?
13:48Likewise, let's find that weasel
13:51This is great
13:52I should have gotten motivated a long time ago
13:56Nothing can stop me now
13:59Oh, excuse me, I gotta go listen to another speech
14:02Get him!
14:05Well, we won't see him for a while
14:07That's what you said the last time
14:09Yeah, but he obviously ran into our friend with the podium
14:13And got a speech that got him all fired up
14:15And it could happen again
14:17Not if my plan works
14:19Oh, wait, this is the feline philosopher
14:22And he's gonna deliver an inspirational speech just for you
14:26He is
14:27Proceed
14:29Hey there, ducky
14:31You say it's a hot summer's night
14:34And you just inhaled a dragonfly
14:37Yeah, yeah
14:38That's exactly what happened to me
14:41Yeah, that's
14:43And a very lonely porcupine
14:46Is following you around
14:47He keeps asking you for a hug
14:50All the time!
14:51Now, how did you know?
14:53Say, did you ever have a nightmare that you were a centipede
14:56And you had 700 children
14:58And you had to buy tap shoes for all of them?
15:01I dreamed that last night
15:03And it's 4 a.m.
15:05And you gotta take the Brahma bull for a walk
15:08Happens all the time
15:10By the time Wade gets through with that philosopher
15:12He'll be in no condition to motivate the weasel or anyone else
15:16We'll see
15:16Here he comes
15:18Hi
15:18Giving any more speeches?
15:20No, I gotta hide
15:21I gotta run and hide
15:23And give up and surrender
15:24And all
15:25Whoa
15:26Is I
15:27Well, looks like our troubles are over
15:30Are you just gonna lie around the mud hole all day, Bunky?
15:34Well, lift your head up high
15:36And put your noses to the grindstone
15:39Wake until you drop
15:41And then get up
15:42And wake some more
15:43You and your big ideas
15:45Take a walk in the sun
15:48And show the world how industrious you are
15:52Plow the fields
15:54Shock the corn
15:55And whatever else comes into your mind
16:08Once upon a time
16:09There was a cat named Garfield
16:11That's me
16:12And I was running from a rather nasty looking canine named Rudy
16:16That's Rudy
16:17Rudy went to obedience school
16:19Where he was voted most likely to bite someone
16:21Cat, how many times have I warned you about coming around here?
16:27Seventeen
16:27Now, the next time I catch you in my neighborhood
16:30You know what it's gonna be?
16:32Yes
16:33Eighteen
16:36The next time I see you in my neighborhood, Cat
16:40You're history
16:41Now, Rudy didn't mean history like Washington crossing the Delaware
16:45Or Lincoln inventing the five dollar bill
16:47He meant history like the death of Garfield
16:50So I decided, well, maybe I wouldn't go around there anymore
16:53But as I walked home, I paused to wish upon a star
16:56Not that I believe in that stuff
16:58But, you know, it's free
17:00And there was no proof it doesn't work, so
17:03I wished something about teaching that dog a lesson
17:06And then I went home
17:07Little realizing that this was
17:11A Garfield fairy tale
17:17Today's story is about me
17:18But it's also about Esmeralda
17:20Easily the worst fairy godmother to ever wave a wand
17:23But don't take my word for it
17:26Let's peek in on the National Wish Clearing House, shall we?
17:30Esmeralda, where are you?
17:32Fairy godmother Esmeralda at your service, sir
17:36Esmeralda, you botched up the Schmidlap assignment
17:39I did not
17:41According to this work order
17:42Young Joey Schmidlap wished for a live goldfish and a stuffed teddy bear
17:47That's what I got him
17:49No, you got him a stuffed goldfish and a live teddy bear
17:53Well, I was close
17:55Esmeralda, I'm demoting you again to wishes from cats and dogs
18:00Here's some wish from a cat named Garfield
18:03If you botch this one up, you're fired
18:06It will be done
18:07And now I will leave by your rear exit
18:11We don't have a rear exit
18:14Did you ever wish you had a rear exit?
18:17The fairy godmother, now a fairy cat and dogmother
18:21Flew to the house where the handsome cat
18:23That's me
18:23Lived to grant my wish
18:25Oh, I can't find that paper
18:28And I don't remember the cat's name
18:30Or what he wished for
18:31I'll get fired if I don't grant the wish
18:34But what was it?
18:36I know what I'll do
18:38I'll just give everyone who lives here
18:40All the wishes they want
18:42And so, we all had all the wishes we could ever wish for
18:46The trouble was, we didn't know about it
18:49Odie, I'm hungry
18:51I wish John would hurry up with lunch
18:54Here's your lunch, guys
18:55I have several kinds of soup for you
18:55And here's some salad
18:56And I made each of you a whole plate of sandwiches
18:57Corned beef on rye
18:58Half and white roast beef
18:58One whole wheat
18:59And tuna fish salad on cover nipple
19:00And then I have some potato salad
19:01And some pozzolans
19:01And here's some chocolate cake for dessert
19:05At last, the service around here is starting to improve
19:10Supermodel Christy Comley is on another magazine cover
19:12Boy, I wish I could meet her and get a date
19:19John Arbuckle
19:20John, this is Christy Comley
19:23I want you to meet me tonight and go out on a date
19:28Be in my place at six sharp
19:33I have a date with Christy Comley
19:36How did she...
19:37Never mind how
19:38I gotta go get ready
19:40Boy, I wish I had some mustard
19:42Oh, there's mustard
19:45Oh, look away, look away, look away
19:49Hooray, Dixieland
19:50Oh, I wish I was in Dixieland
19:53Hooray, hooray
20:23In Dixieland I'll make my stand
20:24I wish for a boxing kangaroo
20:31Boy, my experiment was a success
20:34Odie, we have the power
20:36We can have anything we wish for
20:38Anything
20:41And I know the first thing I want
20:44This is where I was kind of stupid
20:45And I'll make that extremely stupid
20:48I should have wished for gold and money
20:50And an unlimited charge account at Pizza World
20:52But the first thing I thought of was
20:54Revenge against that dog
20:57All right, son, one more time
20:59I'm telling you, I was taking a shower in my home
21:01A thousand miles from here
21:02And suddenly I was on the street
21:03And, and, oh, just lock me up
21:06Let's go
21:09Oh, I wish I was home in bed
21:13I'm, it is, uh
21:19Hey, Rudy
21:21Yoo-hoo
21:23You, you, Hood
21:24I warned you what would happen next time I go
21:27You know, I wish an anvil would fall on you, Rudy
21:32Oh, now you're really gonna get it, cat
21:35Oh, I'm sorry
21:37I meant to wish that a half ton of cream zucchini would fall on you
21:42This is the most fun I've ever had in my life
21:44I'd better tell Mr. Wishnessy that I botched up the cat assignment
21:50Sir, I have to tell you
21:52Good job, Esmeralda
21:54Good job
21:56Exactly
21:56The cat wished to teach the dog a lesson
21:59And you arranged for him to do just that
22:01I'm promoting you back to people wishes
22:04With a fat raise
22:05Ooh, thank you
22:07I did something right
22:09I'm a success
22:11But I have to remember to cancel that spell
22:14Giving everybody in the house their wish
22:16The wish spell is cancelled
22:19Cat, I'm gonna bound you
22:22Oh, yeah?
22:22Watch this
22:23I wish a 1963 Studebaker had fallen, Rudy
22:29A 61 Edsel
22:31Any kind of car
22:33A toy truck
22:35I wish anything would fall on Rudy
22:37I wish something would happen to Rudy
22:39I wish I'd never been born
22:46I wish I had a first aid kit
22:51And so, someone learned a lesson
22:54I'm not entirely sure who learned it
22:57Or what the lesson was
22:58But hey, I guess things turned out okay
23:03This concludes
23:05A garfield fairy tale
23:11Oh, shut up
23:16I wish I'd never been born
23:16I wish I'd never been born
23:19I wish I'd never been born
23:24I wish I'd never been born
23:25I wish I'd never been born
23:26I wish I'd never been born
23:27I wish I'd never been born
23:29I wish I'd never been born
23:30I wish I'd never been born
23:30I wish I'd never been born
23:31I wish I'd never been born
23:32I wish I'd never been born
23:33I wish I'd never been born
23:34I wish I'd never been born
23:37I wish I'd never been born
23:43¡Gracias!
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