- 3 hours ago
The Bear Gary
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TVTranscript
00:07You
00:46you look good yeah i am proud of you i'm proud of you i love you i love you so
00:54much
01:07oh my god let's fucking go yeah do this okay you better be home by 5 15
01:19no problemo babe
01:26yo stop stop you're gonna wake up the whole fucking neighborhood be fucking on time
01:29shit i forgot yeah i'm sorry yeah give me a sec
01:36fucking oh yeah there it is there it is you get in the fucking coming to go in that car
01:43get in the
01:43fucking car get in the car let's go there's just nothing loud yet all right just
01:53why are you slamming that why do you have to just just fucking shut it
01:57just leave it don't say you didn't when you did
01:59mike i did this you guys show me again yeah
02:10how terrible is that fucking filth got it from fucking gogos
02:13it's pretty good what is it hazelot another debit only now
02:17what if you don't have a debit card right then you're fucked if you don't have a debit card you
02:20got the debit card you got to pay a fucking fee it's like they're fucking in the ass either way
02:23yeah because if they do the credit card then they got to pay a percentage of the credit card
02:28i understand but why fuck the customer it's just for no reason
02:34gotta tell you my it's kind of like a little bit of a glass half half empty kind of
02:39energy you're working with for this mission double oh fucking suck my dick what do you mean a mission
02:43yo we're fucking transporting some goods across state lines i'm taking a fucking tape box to gary
02:47indiana gary fucking indiana that's where we're going what's in the box
02:51i don't know what's in the fucking box it's taped i just said it's taped you can tell me
02:58all right fair enough i don't need to know you're a fucking donkey that's what you fucking are that's
03:02what you are fucking all you don't even know what you're fucking taking you're just fucking moving
03:05donkey fucking packing old donkey i am a donkey you ever see what a donkey's packing downstairs
03:18what's happening you're still here is that jimmy
03:23mike
03:32so
03:34so
03:36so
03:36so
04:00what are you doing good didn't i say stay in the car what man i said stay in the car
04:05why can't you
04:06just stay in the fucking car you didn't say stay in the car you didn't hear me say stay in
04:09the car
04:10you didn't say it i didn't hear you say it because you didn't say it's too much rich
04:14fucking dog huh i'm not a fucking dog you can't fucking tell me where to go and when to do
04:19it
04:21yo look what i made last night
04:26you made a fucking did you make that yeah i made this tunes for gary come on baby let's do
04:33this
04:35oh oh oh oh i am gradual with the volume just turn off this is gradual with the volume that's
04:43exactly what i did i swear to god stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it
04:47pull this
04:48fucking car over and fucking leave you here you understand this is not this is this is not gradual
04:53like that that's not what i did i know how to i respect the fucking car
05:00now i want you to respect the fucking music
05:17gracious
05:25gracious
05:30yeah there he is
05:31there he is
05:33there he is
05:34stop don't fucking touch me
05:35stop stop
05:39well here's some fun facts about gary
05:42guess the population
05:45seventy thousand uh it is a rust belt city it was once known as magic city it was once also
05:54known as the city of the century
05:55city of the century 54 percent female for those of us in the car that are you know not married
06:01that might be a pretty fun fact
06:05obviously john cougar melancamp michael jackson fucking orangutan michael jackson's from gary the whole jackson five for that man could
06:11have fucking said tito before fucking john cougar melancamp
06:19you're trying to tell me you're not at all excited about traveling more traveling
06:26traveling yeah you're not just tired of the same old same old this is what i'm talking about michael this
06:31is a fucking mission jimmy's entrusting us with some more responsibility we got the fucking open road ahead of us
06:36you know there's a lot of you know positive things about this day
06:40responsibility huh
06:41yeah yeah feeling respected
06:44yeah yeah
06:46i think the time you'll come to find that this is a maybe a potentially transformative day
06:52all right
06:52we're on a great day
06:53bop down to gary
06:55little bada bing bada boom
06:57bop bap out here we're fucking home by 5 15
07:00the latest
07:015 15 why 5 15?
07:03it's just the thing with tiff that she's got superstition about
07:05superstition about what?
07:07her mom went into labor at 5 15
07:08she got it in her head that she's gonna
07:10you know
07:11same thing's gonna happen to her
07:12it's the stupidest fucking thing i ever heard in my life
07:14i can't
07:14why would the same thing
07:15i know literally how many minutes are in a fucking day
07:17there's like thousands of fucking minutes in a day
07:19why would it happen
07:20michael i'm not saying that this makes any kind of sense at all
07:22so we need to be back by 5 15 because her fucking mother spit her out
07:25it's a non it's a non-issue
07:26it's a non-issue
07:27it's a non-issue
07:28well it is a fucking issue if you're saying we gotta be back by 5 15
07:31we'll be back by 5 15
07:32that's why i'm saying it's a non-issue
07:37you'd rather be at the fucking serving beefs all day?
07:41come on
07:41like an open road
07:45where's my kansas city baby
07:47and i love my kansas city wine
07:53well i might take the train
07:55i might take the plane
07:57but if i have to walk
08:00i'm going just the same
08:02going to kansas city
08:04kansas city here i come
08:09they got some crazy little women there
08:13and i'm gonna give me one
08:15welcome to indiana
08:17there you go
08:17you're a fucking world traveling rich
08:19congratulations
08:20let's go
08:21well yeah you feel different?
08:25oh yeah
08:36city of magic
08:37city of the century
08:41you think this happened overnight?
08:43oh yeah i just flipped a switch
08:45and everything just went
08:46flipped a switch
08:52definitely doesn't feel like chicago
08:55damn
08:55what?
08:59it's fucking 35 minutes away
09:01i don't know what to say
09:04she'll change quick
09:08they got some crazy little women there
09:11and i'm gonna give me one
09:16they got some crazy little women there
09:25and i'm gonna give me one
09:30they got some crazy little women there
09:43hey hi hun
09:44hey
09:45hi
09:46how you feeling?
09:47uh
09:48i'm
09:48you know
09:49i think i'm good
09:51what do you mean?
09:52i don't know
09:53i'm not sure how to describe it
09:55it's just like
09:56it's just like
09:57it's like
09:57i feel like i have to shit really bad
09:59but i don't know
10:00i can't tell if this is what the doctor said to look out for
10:03okay
10:05like
10:05contraction
10:06you think it's like
10:07like
10:08Braxton Hicks
10:09uh yeah probably
10:10but you know i'll be okay
10:11it's not close to 515 yet so
10:13yeah?
10:14yeah don't worry
10:15i'm okay
10:16okay
10:16did you do the drop off?
10:18uh almost
10:19uh huh
10:19well i'm proud of you
10:21i'm really proud of you
10:21how's the drive? are you having fun?
10:23yeah
10:23yeah we're having a good time
10:26and
10:26how about mikey?
10:27is he okay?
10:28yeah he's good
10:29okay that's great
10:30but don't smoke any cigarettes though honey
10:32promise me
10:32all right
10:33okay
10:33listen i'm gonna call you back okay?
10:35just try me if you need anything okay?
10:36i love you
10:37i love you
10:37okay i love you so much
10:39what's up? what'd he say?
10:41he said he'd let us know in a few hours
10:45let us know
10:47what's it for?
10:48like three?
10:49like three? four?
10:50richie i didn't say it
10:50he said
10:51he had hours to killing gary
10:55you still feeling respected?
10:57fuck it
10:58it's just
10:58i don't know
10:59let's get something to eat
11:02you see that?
11:03it's michael jackson's house
11:05huh
11:06huh
11:08shimmy
11:09ha ha ha ha ha
11:18knock the door
11:20reach in there
11:25What are you, Teddy Pendergrass?
11:27Yes, we are.
11:28Oh, a little TP.
11:29Yes, I love Teddy.
11:30The romantic hot dog place you got here.
11:33Oh, look at them.
11:36I listen to the old school music.
11:38Yeah, I'm right there with you.
11:40And you know what they're saying.
11:44Hi, welcome to Tony King.
11:46Appreciate you.
11:46Yo, Mike, this is Alicia.
11:47How are you, Alicia?
11:48Nice to meet you.
11:49Mike, how are you?
11:50I'll be your server.
11:51Just let me know if you need anything.
11:52Appreciate it.
11:53I got you a lemonade.
11:57Welcome.
11:59You're missing out.
12:00You're missing out, huh?
12:01Yeah.
12:02Yeah.
12:03How long you worked here?
12:04I've been working here five years.
12:06Five years?
12:06Yeah.
12:07That's business.
12:08Pretty good.
12:08It's great.
12:09I love it.
12:10You love it.
12:10What do you love about it?
12:11I like working with people in the public.
12:14That's the answer right there.
12:15Michael hates people.
12:16Oh, man.
12:18I believe what he says.
12:19Well, I don't like crowds.
12:20I don't hate people, but I just don't like crowds.
12:23You cook at home?
12:25You like the truth?
12:26Yeah, only the truth.
12:27No.
12:28Yeah.
12:28When I leave here, I don't want to go stand in front of a stove.
12:31That's it, huh?
12:32Y'all cook at home?
12:34A little bit.
12:35Sometimes I'll write out some pots and pans, but I don't know, not too much.
12:38I don't really cook at the restaurant, though, so.
12:40What kind of restaurant?
12:41Similar to this.
12:42Okay.
12:42Similar to this family spot.
12:44I do some cooking from time to time.
12:46Yeah.
12:46What do you do?
12:47What do I do at the restaurant?
12:49Yeah.
12:50Yeah, what do you do?
12:52I guess I'm like, I don't know how you say it, like, kind of a bit of a song and
12:55dance,
12:55man.
12:56There you go.
12:56There you go.
12:57I don't know, public relations, forward-facing, you know.
13:00I don't know.
13:08Doesn't, what do you think of the name Annie?
13:15There are some names at me you like.
13:20Hit me.
13:23Call me crazy, but I actually like the name Althea.
13:27Althea?
13:27Althea.
13:27Althea sounds like the name of, like, somebody that's getting their ass kicked off.
13:31Nah.
13:32Althea?
13:32Althea's strong.
13:36Sounds like a nerd.
13:37Nah.
13:38Althea.
13:40Althea.
13:42Althea later.
13:46I'll see you around noon.
13:48I'll see you when I get back from, uh, from social studies.
13:54I'll see you for dinner.
13:58I'll see you when I see you.
14:14I met this, uh, this Eva that I liked once.
14:18Eva?
14:34Oh, look at these little fuckers.
14:36Oh, these little fuckers are about to get it.
14:39What's up, girls?
14:40Oh, we're gonna fucking, okay.
14:43Yeah, sure.
14:44All right, you little fuckers.
14:47You ready to get some?
14:48That's my second favorite sport right here.
14:52Hey, we got Knicks.
14:55Hey, what's the score of that game right there?
14:58Well, you guys super, and you're picking daisies.
15:00Let me and my boy get one of you.
15:02We run threes.
15:03Which one?
15:03All right, come on, Daffodil.
15:05You ready to win?
15:06Yeah?
15:07Come here, young buck.
15:08What's going on?
15:08I'm Mikey.
15:09And that's H.Jaden.
15:10What's up, buddy?
15:10How are you?
15:11Oh, we getting our balls like that?
15:12Y'all want five points?
15:13What's up, Mikey?
15:14What's up?
15:14All right, let's run.
15:15I don't even need to warm up.
15:17All right, boys.
15:18Come on, Rich.
15:18Let's go.
15:19Oh, shit.
15:20It's time for a little silken sweet.
15:23Y'all about to get some.
15:24Y'all want to run?
15:24You sure you don't need to stretch?
15:25I don't need to stretch.
15:26I'm about to stretch you, boy.
15:27Hold on.
15:27Let's wait for him.
15:28You ready?
15:28Yeah.
15:29Hey, good luck, youngsters.
15:37I don't know.
15:37I'm sorry.
15:38Where were you?
15:39All right, play, play, play.
15:40I got big.
15:40Go out there.
15:41Stay with him.
15:42Stay in front of me.
15:42Oh, okay.
15:44Oh.
15:45Ha-ha.
15:45That's going to hurt.
15:46Damn.
15:47Let's go.
15:47Yeah.
15:48It's man game.
15:49Now.
15:49It's different.
15:50Let's go.
15:50Ha-ha.
15:52Oh.
15:52You know it's the orange circle, right?
15:55It's the orange circle.
15:56You want to try to get it in that orange circle.
15:59Everyone's afraid of contact out here.
16:00Go to the basket.
16:01Go to the basket.
16:02That ain't happening.
16:03Don't be afraid.
16:04Come on.
16:04It won.
16:07Good for you, Mike.
16:08Every dog has his day.
16:09All right.
16:10Bring it down there again.
16:11It's because I'm covering three guys, Rich.
16:13Let's go.
16:13Play ball.
16:15Ha-ha-ha.
16:15Hey.
16:16Oh, yeah.
16:17Is that here up?
16:19It's every time he's beating you in the back fucking door.
16:22Yo.
16:23Keep the fucking door shut.
16:24Do not let him.
16:25Do not let him get behind you.
16:26It's this motherfucker.
16:28All right.
16:28Let's go.
16:29Now he's playing.
16:30Oh, where are you going?
16:32Let's go.
16:32Yeah.
16:33That's what I'm talking about.
16:34Hey, you got it.
16:35It's one.
16:35That's one.
16:36Let's go.
16:37Hey.
16:37Come on.
16:38Yep.
16:39Hit one down for you.
16:41That's a good shot, boy.
16:42Base fucking open.
16:43Oh, they are.
16:44I've seen it.
16:44Hey.
16:45Hey.
16:45Hey.
16:46It's a shot that fucking counts, right?
16:48Let's go.
16:48Play defense, hot shot.
16:51Head up.
16:53Let's go.
16:55You all right?
16:56Hey.
16:56You all right?
16:57You all right?
16:58No, dude.
16:59Let's go.
16:59Play ball.
17:00Check up.
17:00Check up.
17:01He's crying.
17:02I tell you what.
17:03They breed them soft out here in Indiana.
17:05Huh?
17:05Huh?
17:06It ain't the 80s.
17:08It ain't the 80s.
17:08It ain't the 80s.
17:09Oh, ha, ha.
17:09Let's go.
17:10Yeah, I don't like your ass.
17:10Did you change your diaper before the game?
17:12Like, do you just play?
17:13What do you got?
17:14Hey, where's the deep end?
17:15You play with a swimmy on?
17:17Let's go.
17:18Next basket wins.
17:19No.
17:19Set the boat.
17:20Yes, sir.
17:21Yes, sir.
17:23Yeah.
17:23Get this, baby.
17:24Let's fucking go, buddy.
17:25You see that screen?
17:26Yeah.
17:26I'm a fucking lion.
17:27I love it.
17:28I love you, boy.
17:29All day.
17:31Hey, good shit.
17:31Good shit, youngsters.
17:32Good shit.
17:33Look at that.
17:33Look at what he's doing.
17:35Hey, young buck, you're not so bad.
17:37You just miss a back.
17:37How do you miss a back door there?
17:39You see the back of his head?
17:40You got to cut to the back.
17:41And you're not passing the ball.
17:42That's what I've been trying to tell you.
17:43You guys are fucking garbage.
17:45The Indiana guys are fucking garbage.
17:47Hey, shut your old bitch ass up.
17:49You're negative.
17:51You're negative.
17:52You know what, actually?
17:53Don't get...
17:54No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
17:56It's all right.
17:56Let him play.
17:56Let him play.
17:57Let him play.
17:57We love you.
17:58We love you.
17:58Yo, your fucking Nikes look like fucking moccasins.
18:07Fellas, let's be real.
18:09Gary, Indiana.
18:18Hey, you got tall boys?
18:20No tall boys.
18:22Regular boys.
18:23Like you.
18:24Oh, yeah.
18:25What do we got here?
18:30Hey, yo, yo, yo.
18:30Why are you creeping?
18:35Come on, give me some of that OE.
18:37I'm going to focus on some of that...
18:40Drink your beer and get out.
18:41Okay, okay.
18:42Don't drink beer in store.
18:44Yo.
18:45I feel sorry for your mother.
18:46No!
18:47Shut the fuck up.
18:48What'd you say about my mama?
18:49Shut the fuck up.
18:50Sorry about my friend.
18:54Two, please.
18:56Let me get a scratch card.
18:59Crescent kick is a defensive maneuver.
19:01That's just, you know, clearing space.
19:03Just to fucking...
19:04Snap kick is for speed.
19:07Don't even see that fucker coming.
19:09But then if you need power, then, you know, it's just fucking side kick.
19:12Bah!
19:12All day.
19:13Break a fucker's knee, right?
19:14Bah!
19:15Ooh, that's it.
19:16Let's help that shit.
19:17Want me to tell you what the move is, though?
19:18Yeah.
19:19Look, dude, I don't want to fight you at all.
19:20I'm just going home.
19:21That's it.
19:21Put a fucking back kick.
19:24Patakow!
19:24Right?
19:25Back kick.
19:26I was getting there.
19:26Power's out.
19:27Ding dong, motherfucker.
19:29Oh, be careful there.
19:32Be careful.
19:32Don't get on the list.
19:33Hey, I'm so sorry about...
19:34Boom!
19:35Fuck out!
19:36And it's like so many...
19:37It's like a fucking mule.
19:38Like, think about a mule.
19:39Like, it's these big...
19:40You're actually generating force with, like, the big fucking muscles.
19:43Whoa!
19:44You know what I'm saying?
19:45Yeah.
19:45It's because you're already going this direction, then you come in that direction.
19:48Yeah.
19:48Yeah, just even, like, the sight of it.
19:50You know what I mean?
19:50Yeah.
19:51Fuck yeah.
19:52Fuck yeah.
20:03Why are we starving?
20:03I'm...
20:06Christmas, cousin.
20:11Woo-hoo!
20:39Yes, sir.
20:40Oh, yes, sir.
20:42You're fucking unbelievable, bro.
20:48You got fucking magic powers, dog.
21:01Oh, my God.
21:04Oh.
21:05Oh.
21:07Oh.
21:08Oh.
21:09Oh.
21:12Oh.
21:20Oh.
21:22Oh.
21:23Oh.
21:23Oh.
21:25Oh.
21:26Oh.
21:29Oh.
21:32Oh.
21:35Oh.
21:36Oh.
21:39Oh.
21:44Oh.
21:52Oh.
22:03Oh.
22:12Oh.
22:14Oh.
22:14Oh.
22:39Oh.
22:49Oh.
22:57Oh.
22:58Oh.
23:00Oh.
23:00Oh.
23:01Oh.
23:01Oh.
23:06Oh.
23:22Oh.
23:22Oh.
23:22Oh.
23:26Oh.
23:35Oh.
23:38Oh.
23:40Oh.
23:41Oh.
24:00Oh.
24:02Oh.
24:02Oh.
24:05Oh.
24:13Oh.
24:15Oh.
24:18Oh.
24:20Oh.
24:22You'll fuckin' see.
24:23You'll fuckin' see.
24:26You're gonna remember this fuckin' day.
24:42That's a fuckin' sign!
25:22Ain't nothin' but sweat inside my hand.
25:24So I dig into my pocket all my money spent.
25:26So I get deep up.
25:27I'm still comin' up for links.
25:29So I start my mission, leave my residence.
25:31Thinkin' how I coulda get some dead presents.
25:33I need money.
25:34I used to be a stick-up kid.
25:36So I think of all the devious things I did.
25:38I used to roll up.
25:39This is a hole up.
25:40Ain't nothin' funny.
25:41Stop smilin'.
25:42Still don't nothin' move but the money.
25:43But now I've learned to earn cause I'm righteous.
25:46I feel great.
25:47So maybe I might just search for a nine to five.
25:50Hey.
25:53You Mike?
25:56Yeah.
25:59Is it true?
26:01What's that?
26:03You're one of the goalies for the Blackhawks?
26:08Uh...
26:09Yeah?
26:10An e-bug?
26:13That's right.
26:16What is that?
26:17What's an e-bug?
26:20Is he an emergency backup goalie?
26:23Yeah.
26:23Yeah.
26:24I, like, never play but...
26:26Yeah.
26:26I'm with the squad.
26:28That's cool.
26:28Mm.
26:29That's cool.
26:33Yeah, your buddy told us about you.
26:36Yeah.
26:37Bet he did.
26:39He also said, um...
26:41Tell you to put your big boy pants on.
26:45And join us in the bar.
26:48Sounds about right.
26:50Oh, boy.
26:51I'm just a messenger.
26:52I got it.
26:53Okay.
26:53It's pretty fun, though.
26:54Okay.
26:55I think you'll like it.
26:55Okay.
26:56You're going to come.
27:14Okay, okay, okay, okay.
27:17So, I...
27:17One time, after a night out, I got a ride home, but they took me to the wrong house, and
27:23I
27:24was too embarrassed to tell them that I knocked on the door of the house and convinced them
27:29to let me just come inside for a little bit.
27:32It's a fact.
27:33It's a fact.
27:34It's a fact.
27:34It's a fact.
27:35It's a fact.
27:36It's a fact.
27:36It's a fact.
27:38It's a fact.
27:38Okay.
27:39All right.
27:39You're on.
27:40You're on.
27:41You're on.
27:41All right.
27:43Nine years old.
27:44Mm-hmm.
27:44I'm an altar boy.
27:45Bitch.
27:46Yo!
27:47What the...
27:49No.
27:50No.
27:50Immediately, no.
27:51You guys are fucking good.
27:52All right.
27:53Can I take another crack at this?
27:55All right.
27:55All right.
27:56Okay.
27:58My senior year...
28:00Uh, I was doing pretty well in school, but with fucking maths, I'm with my fucking
28:05lambium, you know?
28:06So...
28:06Hey, look who the cat drug is.
28:08Hey, everybody.
28:09You see this?
28:10Fucking great.
28:14Um, so my grandma, she gave me an ultimatum.
28:17She was like, you gotta get a math tutor.
28:19And so she told me about this lady, Roxolano, who sang in her church choir, who she was like
28:25a math professor for Cooks County Community.
28:30And I was like, no fucking way, grandma.
28:32I don't want to fucking do this.
28:33I don't want to do the math tutor with some fucking 90-year-old, like, you know, fucking
28:37babushka.
28:38Like, yeah, you know what I'm saying?
28:39Like, so...
28:41But she was like, listen, you gotta do it or you gotta move out.
28:43So, come Thursday, 7.30, I'm at this dude's house.
28:48Right.
28:48Eating his fucking mom's golden lasagne, you know?
28:51Okay.
28:51And I realized, like, I gotta be at, uh, at Roxolano's, this Tudor's, you know, in like
28:57five minutes.
28:58So I fucking down my cranberry juice and I fucking sprint over there, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
29:02-ba,
29:02knock on the door.
29:04And this fucking woman that opens the door, I swear to God, like, straight out of Sports
29:10Illustrated fucking swimsuit issue.
29:12This is the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen up to this point.
29:16Jet black hair, long, all the way down, just kissing kind of the top of her butt, you know?
29:21And we get in, what, what, what, what, what?
29:25You guys willing to factor fix me yet or you want to hear more of the story?
29:29You want to hear the story?
29:30Yeah, you want to hear the story, okay.
29:32All right, so we get in there, we're talking math, and all of a sudden, I feel my entire
29:38insides just turn to liquid and I gotta take a shit, like, bad.
29:44But I know that she got one little bathroom right there, this tiny thing, and I know if
29:48I go in there, she's gonna hear everything, you know?
29:52And I'm just like, I mean, on the outside, I'm cool as a cucumber, you know, we're talking
29:57math, and on the inside, I'm just like, come on, asshole, don't you fucking fail me now,
30:01baby.
30:02And somehow, by the grace of God, I make it through this fucking tutor session, right?
30:09That's not helpful.
30:12So, Roxanne, a pleasure to meet you.
30:14I'll see you next Thursday, you know, bah, bah, bah.
30:15I get off, I get outside, and I'm like, yes, I'm gonna fucking make it.
30:19I start to walk, quickly back up, back down, and it just comes out.
30:24That's it.
30:25And it's just like, that's what's happening.
30:27That's what is happening.
30:28And I'm just, I start to pull my drawers down, my pants down.
30:32I look like one of those photographs of the guys that just discovered oil, you know?
30:37Like, stuff is gurgling, I can't tell what's coming up.
30:39And it's just like, some mud, and shit, and everywhere.
30:45And it's, like, I have this incredible feeling of relief, right?
30:50Until I see her little porch light come on, and time slows down, and I see her doorknob
30:55turn, and open, and I look at her, and she looks at me very quickly, and then she quickly
31:01looks away, and I just fucking take off through the hedges, and I'm just fucking running.
31:09I'm just heading right back to Michael's house, and I'm covered with brambles, and my balls
31:13are slapping on either side, and I just got, like, a trail behind me, and I just can't
31:19stop laughing.
31:20And I'm crying with laughter, because I know in six blocks down fucking Milwaukee, I'm gonna
31:23be at this dude's house, and I'm gonna tell him this story, and this motherfucker is gonna
31:27love it, Factor Fiction.
31:34Sadly, sadly, it is a bad, sadly, it is a fucking bad reason.
31:43I'm all right, I'm all right, this is what's on me, I gotta subject you guys to a bad reason.
31:48All right, hold on, I'll be right back, I'll be right back.
32:00You know I know, right?
32:02What's it?
32:04Huh.
32:08You know I know, you're not a goalie friend.
32:10Ah, yes.
32:12Yeah, that's total bullshit, yeah.
32:14Mm-hmm.
32:19I gave it away.
32:23Oh, something in your eyes.
32:25Yeah.
32:26Fair, fair.
32:30You prefer Mike?
32:32Mikey, Michael?
32:34It's, it's gotta be your call.
32:37Yeah.
32:38No preference.
32:40Preference, up to the customer.
32:42Mm-hmm.
32:44How about you, what, what's your name, can you tell me?
32:48Guess.
32:49Guess?
32:51Oh, man, I definitely, Bridget, I don't know, what?
32:57Oh, boy, Shonda, shit, shit, shit, shit.
33:01Fuck, I don't know.
33:02Sherry.
33:02Sherry, okay.
33:04Sherry from Gary.
33:05Oh, hey, that's the first time I've ever heard that, real quick.
33:08Hey.
33:14You don't want to play the game, huh?
33:16Yeah.
33:18I don't know what that means for me.
33:19I mean, you, you want to go?
33:24Sure, I'm gonna go.
33:25Yeah?
33:26Yeah.
33:27Fact or fiction?
33:30Mike Lowe?
33:32Okay.
33:33Uh, ask me a question.
33:37You from here?
33:44I am not from Indiana.
33:49I am from Portland, Maine, not Oregon.
33:53Okay.
33:56What are you doing here?
33:59Needed to start over.
34:01Okay.
34:01I need to get away from someone, something.
34:05Got in my 88 Honda Accord and started driving west,
34:08and my car broke down not too far from here.
34:11My mom's favorite movie was Eleven in the Afternoon,
34:15starring Gary Cooper.
34:17She always said she would have named me Gary if I was a boy,
34:19so I saw the sign, and I was like,
34:22all right, ma.
34:24Stayed one night.
34:24It was quiet.
34:28I like a ghost town, you know what I mean?
34:29Mm-hmm.
34:32Kept staying.
34:33Mm-hmm.
34:34Work at this jazz joint, jazz joint,
34:37down on Broadway called Dirties.
34:39Dirties?
34:39Yeah, I work at the bar.
34:40You like it?
34:41It's great.
34:43Why?
34:45Come on, what's not to like about a diving jazz and blues joint
34:49in Gary and Deanna?
34:56Let's see.
34:57That is a fact.
35:01Fiction.
35:02No, really?
35:03Yeah.
35:03Fuck.
35:05Fuck.
35:07That Gary Cooper shit,
35:08that was suspect as a motherfucker.
35:10No, that's real.
35:10No, that's real.
35:11No, it's not.
35:12Oh, fuck.
35:14Tiff, it's me.
35:15It's Richie.
35:16Wait, no, I can barely hear you.
35:18Tiff, it's me, Richard.
35:20Where are you?
35:22I'm in fucking Gary.
35:24It's so loud there.
35:25It's going so good.
35:26You sound like you're in a bar.
35:28Are you in a bar?
35:28We're in a bar.
35:30Why are you in a bar?
35:32Because the clients.
35:34Like a shit bottle.
35:36The clients from Jimmy.
35:38Tiff, it's going so fucking good.
35:40Mikey is so smooth.
35:42So fucking smooth.
35:44I can't really.
35:44Mikey is so smooth.
35:46Okay.
35:47We're having such a good time.
35:49Can you hear me?
35:50Because I'm here.
35:51Please, can you?
35:53How are you feeling?
35:57Do it again?
35:59Yeah?
35:59All right.
36:00I was born and raised right the fuck here, here in Indiana.
36:02I lived here my whole life.
36:03I loved to travel.
36:05Gone everywhere.
36:06But I lived here my whole life.
36:08I love trains.
36:09Do not put me on a boat.
36:11Let's see.
36:12I got two older sisters.
36:14They got a different dad, who I thought was Santa Claus,
36:17when I was 11 years old.
36:18I'm not a shit thinking about that one.
36:22I had ovarian cancer when I was 22.
36:26My mom is okay.
36:28My dad is not.
36:31I got a three-legged dog named Lucky.
36:34He's a cool student in town.
36:37And I studied to be an arborist.
36:40An arborist?
36:40Yeah.
36:42You like trees.
36:43I do.
36:44You do?
36:44Why?
36:45Where do you like trees?
36:48They're quiet, sturdy, reliable.
36:50They're always there when you need them.
36:51Yeah, yeah.
36:53And they're pretty.
36:58That's a fucking fact.
37:02Maybe.
37:05It's a fact.
37:07Maybe, maybe not.
37:09What makes you say it's a fact?
37:10I mean, you just...
37:12I don't know.
37:13You're just speaking from your heart.
37:15Right?
37:22What are you looking for, Michael?
37:33Anything?
37:34Mm-hmm.
37:45Oh, you are, Sarah.
37:56I think he just called me Sarah.
38:01You're pretty old, Brie.
38:04You're what he fucking calls me.
38:07Okay, so, it's 3.17 right now.
38:10I got enough time to be home by 5.15, right?
38:13Oh, yeah.
38:14Right again?
38:15Yeah, yeah.
38:17Oh, if the train isn't running.
38:20What happens with the train?
38:21You'll get caught behind.
38:23It is...
38:24Oh.
38:26Oh.
38:28Okay.
38:28All right, thanks, guys.
38:30You leave yourself a buffer.
38:32That's the kind of whole operation, you know?
38:34Wow.
38:34So, you like work for him?
38:36Yeah.
38:37I mean, I'm...
38:38I'm self-employed, you know?
38:40Yeah.
38:41Yeah.
38:41So, you're the boss.
38:44Yeah, I guess I'm the boss.
38:46And a lot of people depend on you, huh?
38:49I depend on a lot of people.
38:53I bet you're a good leader.
39:01People, like...
39:04Like, people say things about me.
39:07And what do they say?
39:10They say that I don't finish things.
39:16Fact or fiction, Michael?
39:22You mind if I do a poem?
39:25I know you're going to be you.
39:30That's...
39:32That's the coolest thing you've ever heard.
39:37Do you plan to be there for him?
39:39Yeah, yeah, no, I'm going to be back.
39:40We're just down here, one, two, wrapping up some business, and then I'll be back up there.
39:45Put my catcher's mitt on.
39:46Ready to fucking go.
39:48Yeah, yeah, yeah.
39:50I can't tell you that.
39:51You're like a birthday wish.
39:52No, no, no, I would tell you, but my wife's got all...
39:55She's all superstitious about a lot of this stuff, and she was like, she doesn't want me to do that
39:59stuff.
39:59We're having a girl.
40:00I can tell you we're having a girl.
40:01Oh, yeah, yeah.
40:06You...
40:07I'm good.
40:08No.
40:14And there was this, um...
40:18When I was a kid, you know?
40:20My mom, she used to do this thing where, like, when she was, like, on, like, the perfect mixture of,
40:26like, all kinds of fucking things in her system, you know?
40:28It was just, like, perfect.
40:30She'd, like, come into my room in the middle of the night, you know?
40:32And she'd, like, scratch my back, and she had, like, the longest nails, and she'd just, you know?
40:36And she used to walk me through my day, you know?
40:40Like, the most fucking minute details, you know?
40:43Like, describing every little fucking bit of fabric of the fucking day, you know?
40:46Like, what we were going to eat when we were going to wake up, what I was going to wear,
40:48what was going to be on the radio.
40:49Like, every fucking thing, you know?
40:51And just, like...
40:53It would make me feel, like, I don't know, like, it would just make me feel so relaxed.
40:58Yeah.
40:58Yeah.
40:59Yeah.
41:00And, like, no matter what was going to happen that day, it didn't matter.
41:02Like, fucking tests or some shit bag I had to fucking deal with.
41:05Like, I knew that, and she had planned it for me.
41:08It was great.
41:08And I remember there was just one time, I was like,
41:11Hey, Ma, hey, Ma, will you come in and tell me about my day tomorrow?
41:15And she was like...
41:17She, like, got angry, you know?
41:18And she was like...
41:19She was like, Mike, you...
41:21What the fucking difference does it make?
41:22It's just a day.
41:27Like, I just didn't understand how that could be, like...
41:31Like, how that could be the same person, you know?
41:34Yeah.
41:36That's so scary.
41:38Yeah.
41:42Yeah, she shouldn't have done that.
41:45I think she had her best.
41:47Can I sit with you?
41:50Yeah, I wish you would.
41:55Come on in, the water's fine.
41:56Oh, boy.
41:59His first impulse was the fucking movie.
42:02You know what I'm saying?
42:03You know what I'm saying?
42:04The one without the narration, that's the one.
42:07Okay.
42:07Okay?
42:09I gotta call my uncle.
42:10Call him.
42:11All right.
42:12Call him.
42:12Let's all...
42:13Everyone call their uncle.
42:14Jimmy, it's rich.
42:15Where the fuck are you?
42:16All right.
42:18Call me back.
42:20This is just like...
42:23You know, this way of seeing the world, you know?
42:25Like, this perspective, you know?
42:26This lens that I've always had.
42:27Like, these things that just bother people and hurt people
42:30and make them frustrated or furious, you know?
42:33Like, to me, it just...
42:34I never got it.
42:36Like, in effect, it's like that.
42:38No, it doesn't fucking...
42:38Nothing fucking matters.
42:40Nothing fucking matters.
42:41Nothing fucking matters.
42:42And I get that, right?
42:43Yeah.
42:43It's meaningless.
42:44So why...
42:46And when I go on that trip, like, I could catch this groove, you know?
42:49Sometimes for, like, weeks at a time, you know?
42:51Like, sometimes for months, I just, like, have this, like, bliss, you know?
42:55And yeah, I know I'm, like...
42:58I'm, like, all fucking, like, babbling and shit, like, here in a fucking bathroom, like
43:01a fucking baby.
43:02But I could be...
43:03Like, I could be a fucking blast.
43:05I can be a blast.
43:05Like, I can share it, you know?
43:07And then all of a sudden, like, out of nowhere, those same thoughts, like, like, like, like,
43:11this kind of meaninglessness of it all, you know?
43:15It, like, makes me sad.
43:18Yeah.
43:19Nothing matters.
43:20It sets you free.
43:21But then where are you, right?
43:22It's the same thing.
43:23You know where.
43:23It's the same thing.
43:24And then I'm, like, like, so sad.
43:27Like, I'm fucking drowning, you know?
43:28My jaw feels fucking like a million fucking pounds.
43:30And I, I, it's like, I don't want to...
43:33It sounds exhausting.
43:37You must be really tired.
44:03You must be really tired.
44:04You must be tired.
44:14Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
44:20Too bad.
44:23Too bad.
44:24Too bad.
44:25Oh, oh, oh, oh
44:27To me
44:48Mike, you in there?
44:49Yeah, Rich, I'm good, I'm good, I'm coming
44:51Alright, we gotta go
44:53Yeah
44:54Sorry, I'm sorry to interrupt you guys.
44:55Cousin, we gotta go.
44:57Okay, we're going.
44:58Rich, don't do that.
44:59I said I'm coming.
45:00Okay, we're fucking going.
45:03Cousin, he said he hasn't heard from you all day.
45:07His guy is waiting.
45:08Okay, I heard you.
45:10Cousin, I'm coming.
45:11Fuck, man.
45:13That's...
45:31I'll come back.
45:43Thanks.
46:21Cousin, it's go time.
46:23We gotta go.
46:24You look like fucking Ronald McDonald.
46:26What's going on?
46:26No.
46:29Yo, your phone is dead, huh?
46:31Michael, come on.
46:32What's the name of the phone?
46:32What is it, a capital crime?
46:33What's the problem?
46:34Cousin, we got this meeting.
46:35It's the fire.
46:36Where's the fire?
46:37We're going.
46:38We're going.
46:38Okay, okay.
46:42Hey, let's hit it.
46:43Yo, we're out of here.
46:46What about my turn?
46:47Good to meet you guys.
46:49It's been a pleasure to meet you.
46:50Wait, wait, wait.
46:51Hang on, hang on.
46:52Hey, we're in America, though, right?
46:53Last time I checked, Gary, Indiana is in the sovereign United States.
46:57Is it not, Vanessa?
46:58Are we not in America?
46:59Everybody get a turn.
47:00Everybody gets a turn.
47:01How great are you fucking people?
47:03How great is this fucking...
47:05This fucking...
47:06This place got fucking heart.
47:08That's what I was trying to tell you.
47:09It's magic.
47:10This place is magic.
47:13It's magic.
47:14All right.
47:16You know, we're just a pair of fucking wired and worried travelers, and we fucking love
47:20it here.
47:21We thank you.
47:21We thank you, Gary, fucking Indiana.
47:23We thank you.
47:25Magic.
47:26Magic.
47:27You know, I just want to take this opportunity, because right now, my, uh, my fine furry cousin
47:34right there, my fucking best friend, any second now, he's going to be a dad.
47:41Not only that, not only that, not only that.
47:44Hey.
47:45He's happy.
47:47He's happy.
47:49Rich, you're happy.
47:52Right now, I swear, this is, this is the most, it's like the most healthy and like, you're,
47:59you're, you're full.
48:02You're full.
48:03And I love it.
48:04He's in love.
48:06You know?
48:07Fucker cannot wait to be a father either.
48:09I mean, he can't fucking, he can't, he can't fucking wait.
48:13I mean, he, he's got this pride.
48:19You're glowing, Rich.
48:23You're glowing.
48:24I love you.
48:24It's my fucking boy.
48:26I love you.
48:26I love you.
48:27I love you.
48:27I love you so much.
48:29I fucking love you.
48:30Look at him.
48:31He's going to be a dad.
48:32Look at him.
48:32Look at him.
48:33Look at him.
48:33That's going to be a father.
48:34That.
48:34That right there is going to be a father, right?
48:37Fucking kid's going to end up abandoned and alone just like he was.
48:41But hey, shit.
48:42Hey, at least you went into it with a good fucking mindset.
48:45Right, kid?
48:45Huh?
48:46I mean, no, no, no, no, no.
48:47It's okay.
48:47No, I love it.
48:48That's, that's the thing.
48:49That's the thing you got to know about Rich, man, is that the one thing that you can absolutely
48:54fucking depend on with this fucking guy is that if he is involved, he's going to fuck
48:59it up.
48:59I mean, he is going to fuck it up and everybody knows it.
49:02I mean, nobody says it, right?
49:03Nobody says it because everybody's a fucking coward and a fucking liar, but this isn't going
49:07to be any fucking different.
49:09I mean, he's going to fuck this.
49:10Listen, he's going to, his entire life is a fucking bed that he took a shit in the middle
49:14of and he just smears it.
49:15And that's what's beautiful.
49:16Look at him.
49:17It's beautiful.
49:18But he's got to fuck this up too, right?
49:20No, no, no, no, no, no.
49:21It's okay.
49:21It's okay.
49:22Everybody knows it.
49:23They don't say it, but they, look, look.
49:26Ooh.
49:27Ooh.
49:28Look at his eyes.
49:28Look at those beady little fucking eyes.
49:30He knows it too.
49:31That's the fucking thing.
49:32All right.
49:32He knows it too.
49:33Well, all right, what?
49:34We got to go.
49:35We got to go.
49:35We got, where are we going?
49:38Where are we fucking going?
49:39Yo, we got this meme.
49:40Yeah, yeah, yeah.
49:40We got it.
49:41You know what you ought to do?
49:42You ought to get in the fucking truck and just start fucking driving.
49:45Just fucking bolt, right?
49:47Just fucking, you want to do that kid of yours a favor?
49:49Just fucking bolt.
49:50Just fucking hit the fucking road and do not come back.
49:52You want to do him a favor, right?
49:54Okay.
49:54No, it's fine.
49:55It's fine.
49:55It doesn't matter.
49:56It doesn't matter.
49:57It's the truth.
49:58It's the truth.
49:59What, you going to be a good father?
50:00Is that what you got to be?
50:02Huh, Ronald McDonald?
50:03You going to be a good father?
50:04Are you going to be a good father?
50:06It doesn't matter.
50:07It doesn't matter.
50:08Just say it.
50:08Just say it.
50:09You're going to fuck it up, right?
50:10Come on, you're not mad.
50:11Don't be mad.
50:12You're not mad.
50:13You're not mad.
50:14Are you mad?
50:15Are you mad?
50:16You're not mad.
50:17You're not mad.
50:18No, just say it.
50:19Stop it.
50:20No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
50:23He's telling the fucking truth, finally.
50:25He's telling the fucking truth.
50:27Say it again, you hate me?
50:28You hate me, Rich?
50:30You gotta fuck this up, Rich.
50:32Just say that and we'll go.
50:33Say it and we'll go.
50:34Oh!
50:40Stop, I mean she's not lying anymore.
50:43Why are you doing this?
50:43I love you.
50:44Why are you doing this?
50:45I love you.
50:48You're a coward, Rich.
50:50You're a fucking coward.
50:52I'm a coward?
50:53You're a coward.
50:54I'm a coward.
50:57A coward.
51:08I'm a coward.
51:10Kid's gonna hate you, Rich.
51:14Kid's gonna...
51:17This is it.
51:23No, no, no.
51:24Mm-mm.
51:25Mm-mm.
51:25Come on.
52:18I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
52:48Hey, one of you Mikey?
52:56This is for Jimmy.
53:10What's in the box?
53:38Plastic pump impellers.
53:43What do, uh, what do plastic pump impellers do?
53:49They rotate.
54:00It's your own.
54:03Probably not.
54:05FedEx strikes are over.
54:06I don't know.
54:10I don't know.
54:10I don't know.
54:12I don't know.
54:13I don't know.
54:20I don't know.
54:49I don't know.
55:01I don't know.
55:05I don't know.
55:05I don't know.
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