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00:02well this is now my fifth time of calling and the street view picture of my house is still up
00:06on
00:06your site is it just outside your house no it's not just outside my house i'm visible all the
00:12way up the street sorry what do you want me to do about it um excuse me one minute well
00:17ideally i
00:18would like you to send the street view car back to take another photo because the current one is
00:22deeply compromising okay i'll have a word with my supervisor yes please do talk to your supervisor
00:28do you want me to call you back no i'll hold
00:35ridiculous oh i did not know that was there wow so that's what's behind that big hedge hello yes my
00:45manager said he can raise the ticket right but he said don't get your hopes up okay well that is
00:50very disappointing and i shall be taking my 360 degree viewing elsewhere is there anything um could
00:57you just help i just need a moment to cool off
01:10oh are they new kicks mal and not that i was looking at your legs i was mommy sorry about
01:16my
01:16mother she buys her hrt on the dark web in answer to your question and yes ned decided he needs
01:21to
01:21upgrade to a pair of predators and i've reached the age where i will accept my son's hand-me-downs
01:25and
01:26what's wrong with those they look brand new don't get me started jj and abs are paying him to babysit
01:30isla now he thinks his daddy walbucks i'm sorry your son is being paid to look after his own sister
01:35yep okay i'm going to say something very controversial oh god i don't believe in paying your children to
01:41look after your other children no you're not going to get cancelled for that i'm sorry but in my family
01:45you were looked after by the older kids until you were old enough to look after the younger kids
01:49now the older kids had their own kids by which point the younger kids were the older kids and they
01:53looked after the older kids kids and then the whole thing just continued again is it over well
01:57i am lucky enough to have my darling mother here you know it actually cost me money to babysit once
02:03you'd factored in the cab fare and i often have to bring my own wine i have wine yes but
02:08in a box
02:09that was one time i should really take advantage of having darius at home more because me and chris
02:14have just been itching to try that new indian that's taken over from where shin used to be
02:18not for me i'm a loyal customer of pride of punjab in park royal owner loves me so much he
02:24invited me
02:24to his wedding oh you got a new dog fee nah poor old hugo's mummy had a fall so i
02:31said i'd look after
02:32her pets so she got out of the hospital that is sad yeah my aunt took a fall once off
02:37a harbour wall
02:38she was largely unhurt but she got a terrible fright and the subsequent ptsd that she suffered was a
02:43contributing factor to the breakdown of her marriage huh right does anybody know where
02:5143 ben canton road is i've got to pick up hugo's bed and feed elspur's cat yeah that's the end
02:56of
02:56our street i know elspur i used to cut a massive hedge wait that's who lives in the big house
03:01with
03:01the massive hedge yeah huh what big house with massive hedge i can't picture it i'll show you what
03:06treat me you know it when you see it have we lost our powers of description you know the big
03:15house
03:16with the um massive hedge yo got a bubble tea for ned oh yeah cheers bro here's a tip cheers
03:25mate nice one
03:27i'm sorry but how much money is your son actually making hi kids oh take the dogs wait outside i'll
03:36be two sets martin take the poo bags please fine but it's five quid for every purport to pick up
03:40don't suppose i could stick my head through the door fee just for the sneakiest of peakiest
03:44you sure you should go in you know she has cats yes i know she has i don't have a
03:48cat allergy i just
03:49didn't get on with that one specific cat do you want to come in mommy why would i want to
03:53go into an
03:53old cat lady's house suit yourself comfy right here we are oh wow she's kept all the original
04:05features i'm getting serious fine tingles could see my high horse in this hallway
04:15aslan dinner time
04:19shut the front door is that a grand piano
04:24oh thank you hello aslan johnson poultry supreme oh this place is gorgeous how did i not know it
04:34existed right under my nose well that hedge could do with a bit of a trim it's pretty dingy
04:39fee has so much potential come on you could definitely introduce some scandy accents here
04:47oh what a shame about the kitchen such a pity they ripped out the original still i mean just so
04:54good absolutely stinks and it's just gorgeous oh what a lovely garden yeah i'm sure it'll be a real
05:05wrench for elspeth to leave it she's leaving yeah since her fall i think she wants to be closer to
05:11her family so sad so so sad purely as a thought experiment i wonder what a house like this goes
05:17for don't know yeah
05:26come on man let's get a wriggle on yeah yeah
05:31mum you owe me ten pound by the way oh right
05:35well what happened to your neck commander swell blotching it's not it's fine i just i just caught
05:39the sun earlier you know what fee i would be more than happy to take over your cat feeding duties
05:44honestly it's the least i could do for a neighbour in need so you can pop around to feed a
05:48cat but
05:49you won't pop around to feed me okay one you've barely eaten two you're always at my house for me
05:53it's really not a hassle fee well if you don't mind ma'am no happy really helpful yeah i love
06:00yeah yeah community spirit i know somebody give me that obe oh you should love this ain't for you
06:11oh thanks anyway i was wondering if i could have some credit for my phone that's what your pocket
06:17money's for yeah i know but i've spent it what about the cash from your babysitter i guess i've spent
06:21it as well for what i don't know nothing really all right i think we need some lessons in budgeting
06:26mate you're gonna teach me about budgeted yeah i'm good with money great with money yeah very good
06:32exhibit a you pretty much only eat takeaways dad okay but those leftovers they're like a free meal
06:39so i'm basically saving money i'm the money saving expert
06:46okay we should probably call jj
06:54right well we're just in that new curry place if you need us and i've told neve she can stay
06:57up to
06:58watch the wheel if she wants and the twins can have a bowl of cereal if they're still hungry no
07:01worries
07:02but just you know i do charge 15 pound an hour since when that charges 10 pound an hour to
07:06look after
07:07one kid and i'm offering 15 for three seven quid ahead bargain how are you still so bad at max
07:14no i am not paying you to babysit your brothers and your sister fine i guess i'll just go see
07:20georgie then
07:26chris take off your spanks we're staying in
07:29hi
07:30flann
07:33here's your dinner
07:34ugh
07:35it stinks
07:37ugh
08:04Look at the ass, lad.
08:12Right, so best way to monitor your spending is to go through your bank statements, okay?
08:16So we'll use my last month as an example.
08:20BP Garage, that's £45 for petrol.
08:24That goes under travel.
08:27Mm-hmm.
08:28Forbidden Planet, £3.30.
08:30What's that?
08:31Batman comic.
08:31How old are you?
08:33Abigail.
08:34You're literally sucking on a frub.
08:36Do you go through your bank statements every month?
08:38Oh, me, no.
08:39Usually quite strict with my spending.
08:41I probably should do it more often, though.
08:43So, we have a payment to UK Turk Limited.
08:47£7.99.
08:50Yeah, I'm not sure what that is.
08:51Abs, do you know what UK Turk Limited is?
08:53Uh, no.
08:54Hmm.
08:55I'll highlight it to check later.
08:56How are you getting on, Mal?
08:58Pfft, um, well, that's a lot of money you spend at the Pride of Perjard.
09:01No wonder he's invited me to his wedding.
09:03Bloody paying for it.
09:07Hey there.
09:08Hi, I'm looking for Elspeth Hopkins.
09:11I'm her neighbour.
09:12Day four.
09:13Straight down there.
09:14And can I just say, so much gratitude to you for your service.
09:17I lived my road in the COVID clap for the NHS back in the day, so...
09:21You're welcome.
09:24So, basically, Nick introduced Trilby the Jackal Soul...
09:28...to a male suitor.
09:30It was absolutely disastrous.
09:32Oh, yeah.
09:32OK.
09:34All right, Amanda, what are you doing here?
09:35Oh, I just came to see how Hugo's mummy's doing.
09:39Hello, Elspeth.
09:40I'm Amanda.
09:41I'm feeding your cats.
09:43We live on the same street.
09:45Aren't you the woman with the Tesla that stretches the charging cable right across the pavement?
09:50No.
09:52I don't even own a car.
09:54That's how green I am.
09:56I just wanted to drop by and share some piggies of your gorgeous cat.
10:02Oh, how is he?
10:06Living his best life.
10:08But, boy, does he miss his mama.
10:13Oh, there he is.
10:15I know.
10:16Oh.
10:18Your hand looks really big in that picture.
10:21Yeah, I have big hands, Bea, and I'm quite self-conscious about it.
10:24So, I love your house, by the way.
10:26Well, your kitchen is very much the only room I've been in.
10:30My husband made all the cabinets himself, yeah, before he lost his arm.
10:35Oh, in the war?
10:37No, we were born in the 50s.
10:40A computer server fell on him.
10:42Wow.
10:43Well, your kitchen is lovely.
10:48When we moved in, the whole place was really grotty, but over the years, we've done a lot of restoration
10:55and remodelling.
10:57Yeah, sweet.
10:58So sweet.
10:59Oh, in case you got bored in here, I bought you a book by my favourite author.
11:06Do you know Penelope Lively?
11:08Oh, Lively's terrific.
11:10Yes, Queen.
11:12She is the absolute OG.
11:14Oh, never had you pegged as a big reader, Amanda?
11:18Well, what can I say, Fee?
11:21I'm hard to peg.
11:23Many people have tried to peg me over the years, but I'm basically unpeggable.
11:28That's what I should call my autobiography, unpeggable.
11:32Why don't we get a round of coffees, Fee?
11:34Yeah, all right.
11:34I'll have a latte, please.
11:36And Elspeth?
11:38I'm going to say Earl Grey.
11:40Good guess.
11:41Yes, please.
11:42OK, so it's a latte, Earl Grey.
11:44I'll have a sparkling water.
11:46I think there's a machine by the lifts.
11:49Thanks, Fee.
11:50Right.
11:51I'll be right back.
11:52OK.
11:53Fee?
11:54Would you shut the door?
11:55Thanks.
12:05Who keeps doing this?
12:07It's empty!
12:11Right, Darius, I'm just nipping to the corner shop to get some milk.
12:14Are you asking me to babysit?
12:15No, I'm asking you to watch the kids while I nip to the corner shop.
12:18OK, well, round it to the nearest hour, I'd say that's about 15 quid.
12:21But, because we're firm, I'll do it for 750.
12:24It's only at the end of the road.
12:25Fine.
12:27I'll just go to the library and revise.
12:30See ya.
12:33Just a faker.
12:51Sorry, Amanda, I asked you to shift these catalogues.
12:54Yes, I know, Daniel.
12:56Can you not see?
12:57I'm in a flow state right now.
13:00Is that a...
13:01a time of the month thing?
13:03No, I'm working on ideas for a new kitchen.
13:05When inspiration hits, Daniel, you need to be ready for it.
13:08Oh, hello, Mrs. Anderson.
13:10Mummy!
13:10I was just passing.
13:12From Chelsea.
13:12And I wondered if you wanted to get a Bloody Mary.
13:15Ooh.
13:16It's 10.30.
13:17Is it?
13:18Oh, God.
13:19Well, surely she's entitled to a bruncher.
13:22Oh, Mummy, I'm sorry.
13:23Can we put a pin in it?
13:25I promise I'd pop in and see Elspeth.
13:26Why?
13:27She's just a bog-standard old woman.
13:29Elspeth is in hospital, Mummy.
13:30And who are you?
13:30Lady Di?
13:31You're up to something.
13:33Mummy?
13:34No.
13:36Elspeth's really interesting and wise.
13:40Just...
13:40Excuse me for making time for other people.
13:43Also, Amanda, can you please sort out those samples?
13:45I don't have time, Daniel.
13:47Visiting starts in half an hour,
13:49and I promise sweet Elspeth I'd bring her a copy of the Radio Times.
13:52See you Saturday, Mummy.
13:56How's it in your kitchen?
13:58Did you have any thoughts about the extractor?
14:00Call me a taxi.
14:02No.
14:06Okay, I made you a photo montage of Aslan,
14:10just to keep you company.
14:12Oh.
14:14Is this Brahms?
14:18I adore Brahms.
14:20What?
14:22Okay, this is getting weird now, Elspeth.
14:26Are we basically the same person?
14:29No, I'm a huge fan of Brahms.
14:32I just wish I got to see him live.
14:34I am so lucky to have met you.
14:37I feel like I've found a new little sister.
14:40Sister?
14:41Niece.
14:42Great niece, even.
14:44But, yeah.
14:45This sums up what I love about our community.
14:48Just such a shame we might have to leave Soha.
14:51Who's Soha?
14:52No, it's what the property experts call South Halston.
14:55Oh.
14:55Yeah.
14:55I just can't find anywhere big enough for my family.
14:57I've got two growing teens.
15:00It's such a shame, because if I could stay on our road forever, I would.
15:05Well, I'm actually thinking of selling.
15:09Stop, Elspeth.
15:13Why would you sell a place like that?
15:15The stairs are not getting any easier, and I wouldn't mind being nearer my son.
15:20Aging process is a son of a bitch.
15:24No offense to your son, of course, or you.
15:27Well, if you really mean it, Elspeth, then, well, I would love to throw my hat in the ring.
15:34Well, we'd have to have it valued and everything.
15:37Yes, oh, yes, yes.
15:38But I would gladly offer you first refusal.
15:42Can we hug?
15:46Oh, gosh.
15:47Sorry, I think I just pulled out your line.
15:50Yeah.
15:52It will probably be a complete internal refit, plus a wet room.
15:56Okay, okay, great.
15:57I'll see you Friday.
15:59Thanks, Gary.
16:02Getting some building work done there, man.
16:04I'd appreciate it if you didn't listen in on my private conversation, Mal, but in answer to your question, yes.
16:11Because it looks like I might be moving.
16:15Really? Where?
16:16I can't really go into the detail, but it's close.
16:21Very close.
16:22Like, end of the road, on the corner.
16:28Elspeth's house?
16:30How can you afford Elspeth's house?
16:32She wants a quick sale.
16:34Plus, I'll do a lot of the work myself.
16:36Put it on Insta.
16:37Who doesn't love a hot blonde in a hard hat?
16:39Just ask Annika Rice.
16:42I actually had my first wet dream about it, Annika.
16:47Mal.
16:48TMI.
16:49Come on.
16:50Hi, yeah.
16:51Hello.
16:52That is an awful lot of dogs for you.
16:53I know, it's mad.
16:54Once you start walking someone else's dog, things really snowball.
16:59Oh, sorry, Snowball.
17:00I wasn't talking about you.
17:01We've got a neighbour who wants a new dog walker, haven't we?
17:03Oh, yeah.
17:04What's your going rate?
17:05I don't charge.
17:06I just do it as a favour.
17:07It's hardly work, and I've got to do it for Hugo and Bobby anyway.
17:10Maybe you're mental.
17:10You could be making a killing.
17:12You don't have to monetise kindness, Abigail.
17:14I don't charge to help Elspeth, and yet I feel so rewarded.
17:19Mans, I literally work in a food bank.
17:21Well, female abs.
17:23Hey.
17:24And cherry.
17:25So lovely to see you.
17:26Mummy.
17:28Mummy.
17:31Hey, get out of there.
17:32Does anybody want any Cali merch?
17:34I needed some for a recipe, but they only sell it in two kilo bags.
17:37You know that's just black pepper.
17:39Really?
17:39Why are you both buying seasoning?
17:41I'm on this economy drive.
17:42You know, I was going to have a go at making my own curry tonight.
17:45God, rather you than me.
17:47My idea of cooking is adding some ice and maybe an olive.
17:50I mean, I know I'm going to save money eventually, but these spices, ease.
17:55It's to spend less money on powder and Ibiza.
17:57Oh, speaking of economy drives, bank call back.
18:01They don't know what UK Terp Limited is either.
18:03Well, maybe it's a scam.
18:04You can't be too careful.
18:05I once lost 80,000 pounds to something calling itself national insurance.
18:13Oh, right.
18:15Dad's sag paneer, bake away.
18:19Courtesy of TikTok.
18:21Dig in.
18:33Yeah, no offence, Dad, but I think we're going to have to find savings elsewhere.
18:38I've spent 40 quid on spices.
18:39I'm going to keep going until I get it right or it kills me.
18:42Yeah, whichever one comes first.
19:02It's 4.30.
19:03What are you doing?
19:04I couldn't sleep.
19:06I've just been through all of our statements.
19:08We've been paying UK Terp Limited £7.99 a month for the last eight and a half years.
19:16That's...
19:18£814.98.
19:20For what?
19:21Who are these people?
19:22What are they doing for me?
19:23I think you need to come back to sleep, babe.
19:25That's it.
19:26I'm cancelling the direct debit.
19:28OK, then.
19:32You'd be surprised.
19:33The amount of people want free quotes on houses.
19:36Not even bought yet.
19:37No.
19:37Yeah?
19:38Yeah?
19:40That's crazy.
19:41No, well, this is very much my crib, so, yeah.
19:44Well, look, I mean, we could probably put a port-a-loo there.
19:46That way we wouldn't have to use your toilet.
19:48OK, great.
19:50Like your cat?
19:51Yeah.
19:52Yeah, he loves it down there.
19:54At the very, very end of the garden, as far away from the house as possible.
20:00Oh, wow.
20:01Yes.
20:01Oh, this is so nice.
20:04I've worked around here for years.
20:07I didn't even know it was here.
20:09Yeah.
20:09God, look at those original features.
20:12Yeah, no, this house is perfect.
20:16Definitely want to rip out this wall, though, and if you just come through here,
20:19this is the room I'm desperate to get started on.
20:21Wait till you see it.
20:22Yeah.
20:23Where did you even start?
20:25I just do not understand how anyone could live with this monstrosity.
20:29What?
20:32Oh, hi, Elspeth.
20:36How long have you been standing there?
20:38They discharged me this morning.
20:40Oh, wow.
20:42What's wrong with my kitchen?
20:43Nothing at all.
20:44I love it.
20:45You said you were going to rip it all out.
20:48Yeah, because it needs to be completely rewired and then I'm going to put it all back exactly
20:54how it was.
20:54Full rewiring jobs, a lot of money.
20:57Yeah.
20:57Well, we are ripping out that wall, so...
20:59Oh, excuse me.
21:00Who are you?
21:01I'm Gary.
21:01I've just given a quote on some building work.
21:04Who are you?
21:05This is my house.
21:07You told me you were the homeowner.
21:08I am.
21:10Very much in the process of becoming the homeowner.
21:13Oh, for sake.
21:15I have to be noisy, please.
21:17Gary, you haven't even done anything, Gary.
21:25I'm so happy to see you back home, Elspeth.
21:28I'm looking so well.
21:30Wow.
21:31I haven't even moved out and you're already demolishing my house.
21:34Not at all.
21:35I'm simply...
21:35You said it was a monstrosity.
21:42Okay, fine.
21:44Hands up.
21:44If you want the truth, Elspeth.
21:47I hate this kitchen.
21:49It's a horrible colour and it's very badly laid out.
21:54And yes, the first thing I'm going to do is rip it all out and skip the lot.
21:57And I'm sorry, Elspeth, if that's not what you want to hear,
22:00but I think you of all people get it
22:02because that's exactly what you did when you moved in here.
22:05That was different.
22:07Well, it wasn't, though, was it?
22:10You changed this house into your home.
22:13You wore it in like a pair of lovely old leather shoes.
22:19When I look at this house,
22:23I can see my kids playing the piano
22:26and my one-armed husband building his own kitchen.
22:33But you're absolutely right, Elspeth.
22:36I am selfish
22:39because I just want a bigger house
22:41to finally have
22:42the space to get my own cat.
22:54What's going on?
22:59Come on.
22:59Has your internet just gone down?
23:04Right.
23:05Hey, that's what UK Turb was.
23:09Oi, we're in the middle of a game!
23:15Sorry, Blade.
23:22You all right, Eramanda?
23:23Never been better.
23:24What's wrong with your face?
23:26Nothing, Abigail.
23:27It's awfully poffy.
23:28Please don't body shame me, Anne.
23:29I have a touch of hay fever,
23:30but otherwise I'm slaying it.
23:32In fact...
23:34Breaking news.
23:37I'm moving.
23:38You're leaving so well, Anne.
23:40Oh, thank God, Jesus.
23:41I'm buying Elspeth's house.
23:43Oh, wow.
23:45I'm finally getting the Georgian proportions I deserve.
23:48Yeah.
23:49I and Senuous are entering our elite era.
23:53Wow.
23:55You all right, Amanda?
23:57I'm thriving, thank you.
24:00So, good news.
24:01I've set up a new direct debit internet.
24:03It should be switched back on, hopefully, by Monday.
24:05Okay, great.
24:06What's the bad news?
24:06So, the £7.99 per month thingy was a start-up deal from nine years ago.
24:13Our new contract, £62 a month.
24:16Fuckers.
24:17Yeah.
24:20He's still coming for coffee after us, Bobby.
24:23Doesn't Elspeth need you?
24:26Right, for starters, she's out of hospital now.
24:28And secondly, why are you being so hard on her?
24:30You're the one that's got a hard on for her.
24:31Are you jealous, Bobby?
24:32Well, of course I'm jealous.
24:34But, Bobby...
24:34You barely know the woman and you're by her bedside.
24:37When I was in hospital for my nip-tuck...
24:39It was a hip replacement, Bobby.
24:41Well, you see, nip the old one out and tuck the new one in.
24:43But you didn't visit me once.
24:44What are you talking about?
24:46I did visit you.
24:47You did not?
24:47I did.
24:48I literally slept on your floor for two days.
24:50I don't remember that.
24:51Yes, because you were off your face on morphine.
24:54Look.
24:57Oh, God.
24:58Delete that immediately.
25:00If you want.
25:09What's this?
25:10Oh, I'm going out to dinner.
25:11And I've hired Ned to babysit tonight.
25:15Why?
25:16Because he's cheaper than you, Darius.
25:18And I can spend my savings on Papa Dom's.
25:20Now, I'm going on a hot date with my hot husband.
25:23Come on, Chris.
25:24We're leaving.
25:27What?
25:28No.
25:29You're babysitting me.
25:31Market forces, isn't it?
25:34Yeah, I've tried antihistamines, eye drops, nasal corticosterides.
25:41Nothing's working.
25:44Oh, God.
25:46Did you just have me in ambulance?
25:53Fee.
25:54God, look at you.
25:55I'm a bit teary myself.
25:57I'm so sorry, Amanda.
25:59Huh?
26:00About Elspeth.
26:02What about Elspeth?
26:04She died.
26:05What?
26:07Apparently, she slipped in her garden, trying to pick up her cat's balls.
26:11Nobody knows why they were there.
26:13Oh, my God.
26:14Oh, I just...
26:15I know.
26:17It's brutal.
26:20Do you know if she mentioned anything about me before she died?
26:24Or the house?
26:26You were probably the last person she talked to.
26:34Sorry.
26:35I just need a minute.
26:37Yeah.
26:38Yeah.
26:43Oh, shit.
26:46Oh, shit.
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